Hey Lifers!
Today's ep is with our favourite mum and dad. We start this ep by bickering about driving and scraped rims... as every married couple would.
Matt has a particularly exciting announcement for us and Laura was not initially happy about it!
They speak about their future plans and whether they're both on board to have a 3rd kid.
Then they jump into some questions for them and some ask uncut questions!
Ask Uncut questions:
I AM PREGNANT AFTER A ONE NIGHT STAND. SHOULD I TELL HIM?
I had unprotected sex after a wedding with another guest and have since found out that I’m pregnant. Whilst the guy is lovely, it’s not a long term match given locations and jobs so I plan on terminating. Would you want to know? Should I tell him? And if so what is the best way to do so?
DWINDLING SEX DRIVE - AM I THE PROBLEM?
My husband and I have been together for 8 years (married for the last 3). We don’t have kids but have been through some major life obstacles in the last few years both to do with our careers as doctors and a change in work life balance. We are balancing working long days, having opposing days off and having to study outside of work for exams etc to advance in our careers. Our sex life has suffered and now it feels like more of a chore these days. On the rare occasion we do get intimate,I have found that I am disinterested in the act all together including doing anything sexual on my own. This is not the first time in a relationship that sex has dwindled for me over time and I’m starting to wonder if I even have the capability to sustain sexual lust in a long term relationship in general. Is this possible or is what I am experiencing common or am I the problem?
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This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Car has been gone for two days. Don't get me started.
It's a whole story that we simply don't have time for. And that's because look, this is an ask gun cut episode.
Y car heavy.
There's been a lot of car chat, but we have something that's very important to talk about from the two of.
Us to you all out there.
We're can do that at the end, We're can do it now. Oh now, yeah great, I'm ready.
Yeah So Matt yea, we have some very big news.
Hi guys, and welcome back to a very special summer episode.
Of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Mad, and producer Keishi is also here.
We're back.
It's been so long since you've been here.
Matt is the first one back after twenty twenty four.
No, this is still a part of our stummers here.
Sorry ignore me, but it has been a while since I've been here. Maybe six months, eight months.
I think, yeah, twelve months, who.
Knows, I think it's more than like a year and a half.
I've forgotten about you.
Why has it taken so long to get me back on the podcast?
Because you started your own podcast and you've just been very busy being a doting dad have I though, Also, I do love that you've paid zero attention to Life on Cut recently, because we have had two episodes drop in the summer holidays, so it's not actually we're kind of back, but we're not back. We never went anywhere.
I love the podcast, but I don't listen to it. Sorry.
I think that's probably best for your for your relationship.
Actually, it is also why sometimes I tell stories about you on the podcast and there's zero ramifications. I kind of think I wonder how Matt will feel about that, and then you never feel anything about it, and it's because you actually have no idea.
I have to tell you, Laura, because I used to edit your Podmatt, and I haven't for a little while now. But some of the listeners in the Facebook group, in the Facebook group sir do say that it's really interesting getting a story from two sides, so it actually happens in reverses.
Well, Matt talks about you.
I know, I have actually heard a couple of things that you've said during like so when we're at home, I'll be editing Life on Cart Sometimes Matt overhears some things.
He will be editing two doting dads.
Sometimes I overhear some things, and every so often there is like a look of judgment when you know you're being spoken about, but we never really sift through and try and figure out what was actually said about us.
I'm always just I'm singing your praises. That's not true on my podcast. Laura is such an amazing wife. She's an incredible mum.
Is it kind of like how you were singing my praises this morning about my driving?
Ah, I know you've said before you hate driving when I'm in the passenger seat because I make you anxious, because I'm just like flinching all the time. You fucking destroyed the car this morning. We came here, we got here in one piece, no issues, and then like the final the final millimeters that we traveled in the car with Laura just scraping the wheel against the gutter.
That's fair because it was as though I parted, but then I just went back a little bit. It was like I parts perfectly and then and then I reverse went Yeah, I did that. I'm sorry. It was absolutely not intentional. I also know how much you deeply care about the rims of the car wheel and I want it to be known.
I don't care as much about.
Them, although I have. Secretly, I go out to the garage on the street at nighttime and I inspect the wheels of your car, and you'll yet a lot. You're yet to scrape your car wheels.
And this is the first time you're congratulating me.
I know. I do my little nightly inspections, and I'm like, when'sday the eighteenth of September, wheels are clean?
It's whenever he takes the bins out. I know exactly what this is.
It's when you take the bins out, you check my car wheels.
You did have a weird white scratch and the boot. Did you hit the boot?
No, I haven't hit anything, Keisha.
I think the funniest thing is it Laura picks me up for work every day that we come in, so I'm in the car often when she parks at work.
She's never ever.
I've never scraped. It's because it's okay. In my defense, I don't like driving. Matt has a different car than me. I don't like driving it. I don't like it. The end, that's the story.
You're a very good driver. You're a very good driver. I am also a good driver.
No one cares speaking of picking up Keisha to come to work today, so I do pick up Keisha every time.
You're a great driver. Sorry, did you want more?
No, I'm just like I've been on the podcast for what seven minutes? I'm already trying to tell a story and Laura's like, shut up, bitch, Oh was.
There a story after that? I thought you were just wanting praise.
I have been in the car with you a couple of times while you've been driving, and I'll give you a tick of approval. But to be honest, I don't really have much more to comment on. Like, it's not like I was like, wow, that was really impressive.
Did you not feel unsafe when you got into our car today? When we picked you up and Matt had just momentarily farted before you got in there, and I made him wind both windows down?
Well, do you know what happened before we picked you up? Because Laura always has a go at me of as a joke, I've done it twice in my life that I like do a jolty turn, or I like go hard on the break that you in the passenger seat. You're being flung all over the place. So this morning, as a joke, every time she went to a stop sign, I would on purpose go, and then she started doing it more and then I actually like smash my head on the on the back of the seat at a stop sign. I looked to my left and this girl was standing there looking going she was horror erratic, and my head going. Oh.
Also, in these types of moments when I know you're there's a lot of theatrics that's going on. I also just hope that she maybe recognizes who you are. And that's her interaction with the MADDI.
J She's thinking that poor man, poor man putting up with that rollercoaster of a car ride.
I just realized, Mat, it's your car. Why weren't you driving?
I went to fix Laura's car, right my cars broke had a breaking key, and it's car has been gone for two days. Don't get me started.
It's a whole story that we simply don't have time for.
And that's because, look, this is an ask guncut episode, very heavy. There's been a lot of car chat, but we have something that's very important to talk about. Firstly, just to kind of give you, like the run of the land of what this episode is going to be about. We have some questions that you guys asked us about Matt and I specifically. We also have some generic ask guncut questions. They're not generic because every question is important, But what I mean is that they're about your life and we have no expertise, but we're going to answer those questions in whatever way we can. And then we also have a very important announcement from the two of.
Us to you all out there.
We can do that at the end.
We're can do it now?
Oh now, yeah great, I'm ready. Yeah.
So, Matt, we have some very big news.
Laura is pregnant.
You can't say that just joking because I'm not. Although you are trying to get me pregnant and that's nice.
It's a lot harder third time round. Yeah, hurry up and get pregnant. Okay, stop fighting it, start fighting my spur. You hate my sperm.
If I don't speak, more erratic things just come out of your mouth.
Have you noticed?
No, I just had flashbacks you being like, ah, it's like my sperm is like acid. What Whenever we finish sex, you're like, get it off me.
Hence why I said more erratic things come out of your mouth.
Okay. The very big announcement that we have is drum roll, please bum.
What is that like a calls out a vibrator.
You're gonna say, do you.
Want to say it? Yeah, I'll say it. All right. Well, I'm going on, I'm a celebrity, get me out of them going in the jungle. Yeah, everyone bringing your hYP righters out in Unison.
Now Matt is.
Going on, I'm a celebrity, to get me out of here. He's leaving me very very soon for potentially if you make it to the end six weeks.
It's five and a half. It's always said to you when you were like, how long's it going to be? And I was like, it's four weeks at the.
MACS, exactly what Brittany said. Brittany's and it wasn't. It was six.
Every single day that we talk about this, it gets slightly longer.
So going for half a year, it's a six month trip.
Okay.
I know we've had a lot of conversations personally about this, and you haven't been able to speak about it yet because everything's always very under wraps.
This is the grand announcement. Matt is leaving.
He's going into the jungle to go and eat some like pig asshole or do something absolutely vile. When we were speaking about it a couple of weeks ago, you've been really kind of like, I guess, a bit like apathetic towards the whole thing. But then as of kind of yesterday, I feel like you've gotten more nervous or it's maybe it's sunk in for you.
Yeah, I don't know what it was. I mean up until now, I guess because December is such a hectic month, and you're focused on so many other things that aren't work related. And so even though we did all the promo shots and the promo shoots, so when you see the show start and like the first minute that was all shot maybe like mid December. Even then, I guess maybe I had a moment where I was looking in the mirror and I was wearing my jungle boots, my khaki shorts and my red shirt and my kubra.
You sound like a child on the first day of school. I was wearing my school uniform and my shiny shoes and my backpackage.
Well literally I took a selfie in the mirror. There was a split second where the stylist, it's weird the ever stylist because everyone just wears the same outfit, but that stylist must have the cushiest job ever. She's very nice, some dungarees, and it kind of sunk in then. But that was only a day shoot, and then afterwards it just felt like it was just miles away. It felt like it wasn't going to happen. And then recently I've been watching some of the best of on the I'm a Celeb YouTube channel just to kind of get was that a fart?
No, he just moved in my chest.
Sorry, And then I don't know what it was. Two days ago, I just got really nervous.
What are you nervous about?
I think? I think because this week in particular hasn't been a super easy week with the kids, because we've had a lot of change happening.
So you say that you're not nervous about anything in the jungle, You're nervous about what's going to happen at home.
You're nervous about your car rims.
Aren't you terrified about the wheels?
No?
I think it's a very big deal leaving your kids for potentially six weeks, and I guess the thing that's so different about you know, we've obviously had moments where both of us have traveled without the children and whatnot before, but potentially six weeks of no contact is a really big deal.
Yeah, I think, Yeah, the realization is kind of just it's really just hit home, which is annoying because I'm until now, I've been like whatever, I don't care, and then all of a sudden last night, I took me an hour and a half to get to sleep. I was just thinking about it, and I was just like, oh, hop, Everything's going to be okay. And then also, you know, when you think about something for so long, it's annoying because you think about all the good possibilities and then once you've exhausted that area, you then think about the bad possibilities of you know, maybe I struggle in the jungle and maybe I don't enjoy it, and then you start to go down a bit of a spiral of worst case scenario and you wig yourself out. And so I've kind of now exhausted all possibilities of the jungle right before I leave, So now I'm ready. But yeah, I've just had I guess the realization that you know, it might not be all amazing experience.
What was it like telling the girls that you're leaving, Because so Matt's known now for a couple of weeks, and obviously we've both known for a couple of months, but you only recently last week told Mally and Lola.
Okay, So when I told Lola, I wasn't expecting much of reaction because Lola hates Match, she doesn't like me at all. It went down, piece of shit. Literally, it went down exactly as I expected. I was like, look, I've got some news to tell you. Girls is in the morning. I sat them down and I said, Daddy is going to be going away for work for a long time. I'm going to go to Africa. And Lola instantly goes Girl's Day and she's like what love? She did not care.
At all, didn't girls Day?
Yeah? And she was like fuck yeah. And Marley was like, wait, where are you going and what's happening? But also I now know, in hindsight, I shouldn't have said Africa or mentioned the show name because she's been telling everyone.
She's told everyone.
So Molly's just started vacation care at her new school, and she's told all the kids, she's told all the teachers, like, I know that it's it's meant to be, like, it's meant to be a surprise. But ninety percent of Bond I know because of Molly May. And it's not our fault.
She's five.
We can't make her sign an NDA embargo this Marley. She's like, my dad's a celebrity everyone.
I said to the teacher, I'm actually going away for work next week, and she goes, Oh, yeah, you're going on I'm a celect Congrats, that's awesome.
I was like, ah, so when we say this is the announcement, yeah, sorry, Chilton.
And then I think, was it you, Laura, because I wanted to give them a bit of context, you know the fact that it's a TV show. You're going to be able to watch Daddy on TV. And then Laura was like, yeah, Daddy's going to eat really disgusting things.
No, I've raised it with you that I actually think that they will be quite frightened about it.
I wouldn't you show them.
I haven't shown them anything.
I said to give you some context around it, Like they're going to like to know that you're on a TV show.
They're going to want to see you.
But then if they see you doing a challenge where you're dry reaching, or you look uncomfortable or you look in pain, that's going to horrify that.
You showed them a clip. You showed them the clip on Instagram and they.
Were like, Oh, it was Lo listening there with popcorn.
Yeah, yeah, torture him.
Look, I want to be very honest because I am in your camp now or not literally, I'm here parenting by myself for six weeks, but I am in your camp in terms of like supporting you, and I will be everybody both, Maddie Jay, I will be the most annoying person cheerleader on social media. However, when you told me that you were going to do this, I was less than happy. And I think that this has been the only job or opportunity I guess you would call it that. We have both kind of come to a bit of a headbut on this because I didn't want you to go.
I didn't want you to do this.
I made the mistake keish last year when Britt was on the show, and partly because I was very butt hurt and I've never been asked after many many many, many years, I said to Laura, even if they asked me, I would say no, like I'd never do it.
Yeah, he did so.
Firstly, he said that he said that he would never do the show because it did come from a place of I think hurt, pride and ego. But also, once upon a time, when I was entertaining doing the show, you told me you would divorce me if I did it.
So I didn't say that.
I was pretty pretty annoyed.
I'd have a talk. I didn't say the D word.
Anyway. Look, we've gotten past it now.
I definitely have my reservations about it still, Like there's definitely parts of it that I am worried about. I'm worried about the fact that you're just not able to contact the girls that you're not here, like you're such a big support person in their life. And also Molly has her first day of school, Laala's just started a new daycare, it's Laura's birthday, Like, there are big things that are going to happen in that time. Unless you get out first, which you know.
You'll be back. It would be so awkward if I'm back here in a week and I'm like, hey, can I come.
Back on the book.
I think that that is the big difference because even though you guys have both gone away for work before, and there's been a couple of days here and there, you FaceTime the girls multiple times a day, this is going to be the first time that you can't contact them at all.
Right, Yeah, pretty much. I mean the biggest trip that I've done recently was going to Vegas for work. But two things. I was busy every day. There was lots going on way.
Laughing caish just pictured a thing like that hangover.
It was very hard, gosh, very strenuous work. But then you know, I got to speak to the girls and FaceTime every day. Yeah, but I do feel that if I do make it towards the end. And then they had that moment where the family members come into the jungle that if Lola's standing there and I'll be like, Baba, it's me daddy, and she's like where, Like where's Mom? I'm fucking over this that she's gonna.
Yeah, She's like, what do you mean? Gold Day's finished?
She's not gonna get this. I know That's what I'm feeling.
Like.
I'm like, just don't bring Lola.
He's such a dating dad.
No, look, I.
Mean it's fucked. I'll be totally honest. It is absolutely awful the next few weeks what you have to manage on your own.
I came to it with like a lot of fear around having to juggle work and juggle the kids.
Not having you there.
But I kind of felt like I was faced with a bit of an ultimatum, like you were already going to do this, that wasn't a decision.
Have you told Keish what happened with my mom? My mom is a problem solver, right, my mom lives with us. If anyone doesn't know, And at this point, this is maybe like start of December, so it's not locked in. We're just talking about like how we would actually make this happen if I wasn't here and I'm in the jungle, so I'm talking to my mom because Laura is at work, and we're just talking about logistics wise how it could potentially happen. My mom gets really excited and she runs with this concept, and then she also thinks that she's going to help the situation by having it all figured out by the time Laura gets home.
So Matt firstly he hasn't said yes to the Jungle yet, and I'm totally off him doing it, Like we've had a fart about it, and I've not even spoken to your mum about it yet.
So it was a really weird situation.
So Laura comes in the front door after a long day at work and she's met by my mom in the hallway, who's like all excited, big grin, and she's like, so, Laura, sit down. What's going to happen is that here's the mil plan from Monday to Friday for the kids. I'm going to be doing drop offs on these days. My mum also has a bunk foot, so she can't walk more than fifty meters without needing to sit down for a ten minute rest. And she starts just like spewing out the plan of how it's going to happen. Ellie. My mom is just having this verbal diarrhea onto Laura, who also at this point didn't even know that I was definitely doing the show. It's always just been like a maybe it might happen. No.
The problem was is that I know you had said yes, and you had already I hadn't you had already told your mom how much you wanted to do it, and I.
Know I didn't. I didn't. My mom wants me to be on the show more than I want to be on the show.
That's not true. Sure, you're both the same.
My mom loves that she has a semi famous, like D grade celebrity son. I think even just walked past mum as she was mid sentenced. Laura looked at me and she's like, can you come upstairs now? And I was like, oh.
God, look, I'd be really really honest about it. The thing was is that I felt, and this was the big fight that we had, I felt really left out of the decision.
Making and we weren't here at work. That's not true.
And the reason for that is because, and I'm sure we've all done this at different times in our relationships where you're like, well, I'm just going to explore this thing until I know how I feel about it, and then once I'm certain, and I'll tell my partner. But by doing that, it was like Matt had had many interviews, he'd had conversations with them, a lot had happened, and then I just kind of got told at the pointy end. And so I really felt as though I had been totally left out of something that should have been a team decision.
I didn't realize that it was important, Kesh that I had an interview with the executive producer and casting director of the series, and I didn't tell Laura that that had taken place.
So he was trying to make out that it's just maybe a possibility.
And then I find out because approved.
Yellow fever vaccine, he's literally got it.
Yeah, he's got his medical check. Anyway, Look, we've we've gotten through the trenches of that just.
Before we move on.
If Laura had all these hesitations, what was it in you that was like?
No, is it that it's a new challenge? Like, what was it that made you go?
It's probably the same reason why he did that sixteen kilometer run per day.
I was like, what are you running from?
I just need a break, Okay. I just wanted to have some time away from Lola. I love her so much. She is the best. I think it's a combination of the fact that everyone who I know who's gone on the show has come off the back of it and been like it was an incredible experience, And I think if I'm an old man, I'm a Grandpa, and I'm sitting there amongst all the grandkids and they go, Papa, and they say, can you tell us about that time that you survived for six months in the African jungle eating nothing but giraffe anus? And I can go gather around my children and listen to a tale and that will be a legacy piece for me.
That's what you're going to be remembered for in our family.
Yeah, I'm like a war hero essentially the same. It's a story that we passed down from generation generation.
You lost a great uncle and Papa New Guinea in the war, and we still talk about him.
Great Uncle Jack shout out to him.
Incredible, And now I'm going to talk about your contributions to humanity.
I'm on that same pig. Imagine you in like a hundred years time, people are doing the family tree and they're like, oh my god, like what is it? Great Uncle Maddie Jay was actually an I'm a celebrity twenty twenty five and asshole he is streaming on the face like Wow, that's why I want to do the show, because I really want giraffe anus.
How else are you.
Going to get it so bad? That's pretty rare, Oh looks delicious.
I know I've said it a few times. I am like, I'm your biggest cheerleader. Now I am full supportive. We've come full circle. I know it's probably hard to believe after I've complained a few times already on this podcast.
Episode, but you know what's going to happen.
Wait, No, what I was going to say before is that I was faced with an ultimatum. The ultimatum was you were going to do it anyway, and so I had the choice to be resentful and be mad about it.
Or to go.
Okay, it's six weeks. It is going to be challenging for both.
Of Usbye two, it could be two.
It could be one.
Who knows, But I really want you to do well. And if you're going to go and do it like I want you to go and win. So everybody, all the lifers gather around.
That is such a like Nope, pressure on you listening right now, but please vote. It's all on you.
I want my husband to be gone for as long as possible.
And this is a good thing because sod to Lola, because next year, twenty twenty six, I guarantee Laura will be in the.
Jungle, There's no way it won't happen.
That's what I said.
All right.
Well, now with the very.
Big news out of the way, I wasn't joking before. Matt is trying to get me pregnant before he leaves. So hey, that's a question for you if it happens, if I do get pregnant from all of the attempts that you've now put in, do you want to know?
Like, how would you want me to tell you? Would you want to tell you in the jungle?
Would you want me to tell everyone on the podcast first, and then it would be a surprise for you when you come back.
I think tell the podcast listeners first. I'm totally fine with that. How I would like to find out if I make it this far in the jungle, there's I don't know what part. Maybe it's like past the halfway mark. Sandra Sally, who I love fan of Sandra Sally. I know you are, thank you.
No, it's like he's like a weirdly offent, like to the point where I think you have a crush on Santra Sally.
I do. I get so star struck every time I bump into her anywhere? Anyway, love Sandra. She does a bulletin report and does a little update on everyone's lives, and I would love her to announce it to me.
Okay, hey, I'm so confused.
We spent weeks and weeks and weeks talking about the fact that Laura wanted to have a third child, another baby, and Matt wasn't on board. Yeah, I just wanted to cap at it too. So this was his bargaining chip.
I'm pretty sure because now he's fully on board, and he's on board now he's been trying to impregnate me.
I mean, it's like signing up for a marathon. Okay, you think it's going to be exciting. You're like, oh my god, what an experience, and I'm going to embark on this great journey. You know that during the marathon it's going to be fucking hell, But once you get to the finish line, you look back and go, I'm so glad I did that. That's parenting.
It really is parenting.
And then like it's like getting that cup of water every so often as you're running, which just feels really good every soft and your kid tells you they love you.
Yeah.
Yeah, these moments of like that's nice.
Like peppered three or four times throughout the race, You're like, this is really good, followed by like, ah, fucking kill me. That is parenting. And I think when we're seventy, Laura, and we're like full of wrinkles and gray hairs, we'll be like, oh, I'm so glad that you let me impregnant you that third.
Time, I'm glad, I'm glad you feel like that. I'm going to leave the room.
We need let's again.
Last night.
Last night another time, literally, as as we were having sex, Matt goes, are you just trying to get pregnant?
And I was like, potentially, no.
Are you yes? I can't tell. I'm like, does she enjoy the sex or does she just want to get pregnant? I'm I'm not U good, feel so good?
Just come now, it's been thirty seconds. It's enough.
Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, it is time to answer some of your questions. Like I said, we're going to answer the questions first that you asked directly about asks a couple, and then we'll answer some of the you know, the questions that are about you and like, you know, tell you how you could putn fix your life, so you could be a hot mess like us. All right, Question number one, I don't know how you're going to feel about this one. Is Laura the bread winner and how do you feel about that?
It's a double edged sword because my inner insecurities flare up sometimes and I'm like, I'm the man and the relationship and I should be in charge of earning all the money. But then at the same time, I'm like, it's also amazing how successful you have been across all businesses that you look after. So I think sometimes if I'm talking to somebody else who's in a more of a traditional relationship where the man is making the money and the wife is a stay at home mum, and I talk about what I do looking after the kids with daycare drop off and pickups, and they're like, why do you do that? And I'm like, yeah, I shouldn't be there picking up the kids from daycare. I should be there in an office botting people around. I feel like a little like I'm weak.
You still have a career, have a great job. I just have multiple businesses. And maybe that's like giving too much a way of like our personal lives. But Tony may for me, has been a business that's been existing for sixteen years, and you know, we have such a big distribution chain now. So like it's funny because public facing life on cut and radio and stuff is seemingly my number one, but I would say financially, Tony May is my number one. So that might be surprising to some people and probably, like I said, more information than anyone really requires or needs. But we've worked so hard for so many years to make that business what it is, and I'm really proud of it.
Matt can I and please only share what you're comfortable with. But you just what you just said was that you feel a bit weak.
Do you think that.
That's internal or do you think that that's only when you're like talking to other people?
Like do you actually feel that?
Well. I think we're the last generation where our parents were very traditional in the sense that men worked and a wife would stay at home with the kids. I've been conditioned to think that's what's the normal, which is not It shouldn't be like that, and so I think, I.
Mean, it is the norm, and it has been the norm for so long it has But I do think that we live in a generation now where female entrepreneurs are having their moment, and there are some really incredible female entrepreneurs that really have carved out like a financial shift in relationships.
I think about people like Britney Saunders. I think about people like Steph Claire Smith, Laura Henshaw, Kira Rumble who owns the health food brand. There are so many examples of this now and I think it has changed hugely.
But I yeah, I don't know.
I definitely don't see myself as the breadwinner in our relationship because you bring so much to the table financially and also in terms of like our family dynamics.
I bring a little bit. I'm like the little entree and Laura's serving the main dish. I'm so proud, and you know, it's amazing to be doing what we're doing now. I'm like, fuck, yeah, get a girl make more money, all right.
This is not a question, however, Maddi, Ja, you are so sexy, and that's come from a person named Alyssa Underscore own you know what. I agree aggression is anonymous with that one. Well, I mean, I feel like she wrote this is not a question, and questions always remained anonymous. But I think you should know that people out there think that you are so sexy, and I list.
My mom has definitely got a fake account, and she saidmitted that she's because in contrast to that, I got a question being like, for God's sake, cut off your mo it's disgusting.
My third question is is when we get rid of your mustache?
Well, I only kept it because you wanted it.
Laura likes it.
I love it, guy, I'm not a mustache gal.
I hate it when my boyfriend has his mustache and I think he deliberately shaves it in now because it kind of irks me.
Well, actually, it took a bit of approval from the powers that be for I'm a celeb to keep the mustache.
Oh, they didn't want it.
Yeah, it had to go up the chain, and I was waiting there with beta breath.
What a weird thing to have to have approved, because I imagine if I was like, I'm not shaving my legs and they were like, we've got to approve that.
But for a man, you have to have your facial hair approved. Do you know what it might be?
Because they can show footage from the start journey where you look a bit clean car and then by the end where you look like you've come out of a cave.
Like Gola, but you're going in looking like you came out of a cave.
Thank you, and she says she likes I personally love the mustache, which is weird for me because growing up, my dad always had one, so every so often.
I'm like Terry Burn vibes daddy issues.
I don't like it when it gets too long because then it makes kissing really uncomfortable because whiskers go straight up your nose and it's very odd.
I'll get rid of it after the show.
Okay, next question, How early on in the batch season did you know that I was the person you were going to choose?
Is that from you? No?
It really isn't.
Pretty early on, pretty pretty like. I mean, the first time I met you on that red carpet, I was thinking, oh my gosh, this girl woman. I thought she was just everything that I'd ever wanted. I was just so nice.
Then you got to know me.
You like water, hot mass, and I better just kiss thirty other people just to make sure.
And then what happened. I'm sure I told you this, Laura, but keish what happens at the cocktail parties. Is that because there's maybe eight to twelve cameras on set, right and they actually you talk to people in blocks of three or four, and then after that chat of those people, you then go back have another debrief with producers, and what you actually do is map out who and where you're going to have conversations. Obviously, if someone bails you up and says, hey, let's chat here, you always say yes, But the camera guys kind of need to know when we chat here, we're going to reposition to hear. So there's a bit of a plan of attack. And the very first conversation that I was going to have after well i'd entered the mansion, it was a cocktail party had just begun. They said, who will be the first girl you talk to? And they also say, don't speak to the ones that you really want to speak to at the start, you know, pepper them out throughout the evening so you still have things that you look forward to. And I said, I'll speak to maybe like fourth or fifth. And then as I was about to start my first conversation, I saw Laura in the corner of my eye and I just went, Laura, let's talk and the camera guys were like, where the fuck, what are we doing?
Where's Laura?
And they kind of said to me, don't ever like deviate from the plan. Always stick to the plan. But I was just instantly I was like I got to speak to Laura again. Every day I was like, I need to speak to I want to see Laura. If there was a group date where Laura got kicked out early on, I'd go and have a hissy fit and like cross my arms and be upset.
I actually had forgotten that we were the first that I spoke to you first. I forgot about that, but I do remember that on like group dates and stuff. There was like one group date in particular where I got kicked out, like very first, and then randomly I was like eating my lunch and you came over and we had like solo time together, and I just thought it was because like I'd gotten kicked out in a kind of an unfair way, and so I thought that you were like coming over to make sure that everything was fine. But then I found out later done the track that was because you'd had a tanny and you're like, I'm going to go and fucking talk to Laura.
And now like Okay, we've got to make up a reason for why it makes sense for Matt to talk to Laura after she got evicted. So they made up this weird reason.
I'm so obviously so grateful that we met, very happy for the family and everything else that we've had that's come from.
It without saying.
But when you think about it's kind of like when you say something bad about parenting and then you're like, I have to be you have to frontloaded with how much I love being a mum when you think about how emotionally manipulative it is to other people and how like really cruel that is to the other women who I was one of. You know, it's not until after the fact looking back, I go, oh, that was really fucked because it could have been me who was the one who was you know, emotionally manipulated in a negative way. But it's a cruel platform, Like it's really mean.
But we ended up together, we have a family, we're married.
Yeah, everyone knows what they're signing up for.
And also the Bachelor doesn't exist anymore, so no one cares.
It's fine and everyone has gone on to bigger and better and most people from our season are married with kids now.
And to those who aren't praying for you, fingers crossed.
That's really mean. There's nothing wrong with being single. Maybe they chose it, maybe they're happy to being totally fine.
Don't enjoy your cats.
Can I just say that I went in radio around the time that you guys were right, you're getting yourself cancer.
I used to think of.
Matt as the most straighty one eighty, a little bit vanilla if I'm being harsh.
So did I version version of a person?
And when I met you, like actually in real life, I was like, he has the darkest sense of humor. You're so much funnier than I anticipated, and I really didn't like a part of my job is to try and not let us get canceled.
But you are the flight risk.
And I agree Matt really walks the line sometimes with what is and isn't PC appropriate in terms of his humor.
And so when you said you were going to do.
The celebrity I was like, I can't protect you, we can't edit.
I can't edit you on Love TV.
I can bite my tongue for five weeks, maybe any longer, and it's going to unravel.
You're a funny guy. You're a funny guy. Matte, You're a funny guy.
I think.
Okay, are you friends with any of your exes?
Yeah, it's still in good terms with a few of them. I don't really have any excess that I'm on really bad terms with these days. I don't have time for friends, to be honest, I mean, I've become a bit of a loser in my old age.
It's actually really shit.
I mean, I know that we talk about it a lot on the podcast around like female friendships and how how like this stage of life often requires so much of you that you don't have as much free time to put into your friendships. You know, obviously everyone is different, but for me, it's something I've struggled with. You have had this same struggles, I think, and I've seen a lot of your friends that move back to Queensland and it can become all consuming being a parent of little.
Kids and also those who don't have kids when their message on the weekend to hang out and like, would do you want to do something? And I'm like, we go the playground and they're like, I would rather eat my own fingernails. Yeah.
Yes, that's why people say it can be really challenging to maintain friendships when you're in different stages of life, especially if friends are still partying when you can't be partying because you don't want to wake up hungover on the weekend. Like your interests kind of change a little bit as well, and that makes it really tricky.
Weekends are for the kids.
Yeah, it really is.
I actually have a question, Yeah, if I may, knowing what you know now as a parent of two girls, would you do anything differently?
Would I do anything differently?
I think that's a tricky one because I think that we're always moderating our parenting styles, Like I think we're always learning and improving the way that we parent. I probably wouldn't do anything differently in the way I parent, but I would definitely have a lot more peace of mind around the start of when Lola was born, because I just have this memory of the night that Lola was born and the next day when I came home from hospitals, sitting next to the bed, thinking, oh my god, we've ruined our life. And I was so sad that the first six weeks was so hard, and I wish that I had kind of known how great it was going to be and I keep reminding myself of that, because I had these moments where I'm like, oh my god, maybe number three, if it happens, will be a terrible, terrible idea, And I'm like, yeah, it probably will be for like two months, and then we'll start to find our way through the forest again. So I think that is probably the first thing that comes to mind. Nothing specifically around changing my parenting style. What would you do differently?
This is going to sound really stupid potentially, but my relationship with Marley and Lola are very, very different in that my interaction with Lola is purely just playtime I do at this Moment's really brief moments. I'd say like five percent of the time. We have a little cuddle, but it's minimal.
Yeah, she doesn't go to you for comfort. She goes to you for rough housing and playing.
Yeah, Like if we're at the beach, for example, and she wants to go and jump in the waves, it's the only time that she goes, Mummy, no, I want daddy. And that's really great. I love that. But then at the same time, you know, last night she woke up at midnight screaming. I went into the room and she looked at me and went, ah, not you, where's my mother? And like that really hurts. And I sometimes wonder if I wasn't affectionate enough with her when she was a baby, you know, when Maley was so young and it was just her. We had so much time cuddling, and Marley loves a cutter with me and Laura, and I think maybe it's a result of the fact that I didn't have enough one on one cuddling time with Lola.
I mean, look, look, this is probably an interesting thing if number three happens. I think I became the default parent with Lola because she cried a lot and was quite tricky, and she settled easily when she was on me in a carrier. But she probably would have settled just as easy on you in a carrier. But I just seem to always be the one that did it or kind of got stuck with it.
I have a memory of her like just hating being held by me.
Yeah.
Maybe, I mean, maybe it's I can't I honestly can't remember. Maybe it's always been the case.
It's also such a hard question to ask yourself, because it could just be that she's just like that. Let you know that she's just not going to be an affectionate person, or it could just be that I'm better.
Oh my god. I was hoping that Laura would go, oh my gosh, no, it's so silly, don't think that, and Laura's like, yeah, probably, yeah, you're right.
No.
I what I'm saying is is I do agree with that.
I think that we could do things differently if we had a third around, like more evenly distributing the load, because I think what happened is we had them so close together. Marley was still a baby herself, and I didn't have time for two babies. So one hundred percent or like ninety percent of my attention went to Lola, one hundred percent of your attention went to Marley, and then I was like, had that little bit of split between the two. And I think that that is kind of why the bond with Lola is so strong, and it's something that you guys have to work on in terms of like your emotional connection rather than just your play connection.
That was a real therapy session for us.
I'm trying, Palla, let me in.
God damn it, I've been trying for a while.
Thank you.
Do you think there is always one person who loves the other person more in a relationship.
Yes, yes, I think there's always going to be a bit of push and pull in any relationship, and I think it changes. It's transient, right. I think at this moment, right now, I love you a bit more than you love me.
Oh why would you say that?
Because I'm leaving you. Yeah, maybe there's a fraction of a second when the love is equal. But I think there's always someone who's in the wrong as well.
No, there's not. There's not always someone who's in the wrong.
What because I scratched the wheels today, Yes, yeah, sure, no, I agree, I agree. I think that it's a scale, right, Like the intensity of your feelings are a scale.
It's a sea saw.
I definitely don't think that you necessarily your love, like a deep love and respect for each other is mismatched. I think that that is always the base of that foundation needs to be the same for the longevity. But I think think that the more sort of like fleeting excitement towards each other shifts dependent on hormones like what the other person's done, work, how much sleep you've had, like loads of those things impact the way that you feel about someone right in that very moment. And there's definitely times where I think I've loved you more than you love me. And there's definitely times where I'm like, oh, like last.
Night, Kish that is so clinging. I was so tired coming into bed. I was ready to go to sleep, and Laura was ready to go to Poundtown.
Thank you for that. No one needs to know.
And I was like, I've got the ticket, but I don't really want to hop on the Poundtown bus.
But you're happy that you went for the tourist drive, didn't you.
Yeah, But Laura's like, just sit down and go for a scenic drive and we'll see how it goes.
It's one of those things that even if you're not in the mood, if you just let yourself, you always get in the mood.
Kesha's like, not really.
It's like exercise.
Putting on your shoes and putting on your clothes the hardest part.
Once you're actually going, it's bad.
Yeah, it's exactactly that. Yeah, So look, I was more enthusiastic last night. But when I'm talking about love, I'm actually not talking about sex. I'm not talking about sex drives. I'm talking about like that sort of like, Oh, I just want to cuddle you and kiss you and like be on your person.
That's the beginning of sex, not always, not always pretty much, This right here is like the menace from Venus women from Mars situation. If we ever cuddle and kiss, that means Laura would like to have sex. It's true. I was like, no, what are you talking about?
Do you have any other questions that came in for me or for you?
Yes?
Or for us?
Someone wrote in and said, have any of you had botox? My partner and I are thinking about it, and Laura, funny timing because your face is currently chuck a block full of it.
Guys, I had not had botox in so long, and now I feel like a fraud because I told you last year i'd kind of wasn't doing it for a while.
Sorry.
The funniest thing that happened, I think this could be a year and a half ago now, was that I was talking about filler and I did go through a period where I got too much.
I recognize that.
And Laura was like, I haven't had I haven't had filler, I haven't both, And I was like, isn't that profilo thing that you get and you were like, no, it's not filler.
And I ended up googling it and I was like, it's the fucking same chemical, it's just put in it a different way.
No, it's not the same. It's it's hyaluronic acid. Yeah, it's the.
Same chemical, but the actual compound of it and what it does to your face and skin is very different. So I don't know if anyone who's tried profilo. Yea profilo is They call it a skin booster, but it's made from the same stuff that dermal fillers is made from. It's a hyaluronic acid, which is basically just what draws water and moisture into your skin. But profilo doesn't change the structure of your face at all.
You can't have it like filler. You can't.
If you put profile on your lips, it's not going to make your lips bigger, it's not going to make your cheeks bigger. Currently, I have swelling because I actually had it yesterday, so my cheeks probably do look bigger, but trust me, they won't stay like this. I've got two big like saws on either side of my face. I went and got botox and I went and got profilo. However, it's kind of pathetic and sad the reasons why I got it. There was some really unflattering daily mail photos that came out of me where I literally.
Looked like a seventy year old man holding a boogie board.
Over my head and Laura the hench I came home. It was me me walking up the head with like Marley, and Laura had like the bodyboard, the pram she had like a grand piano that she was working with us as.
Well, like the peraps. I mean, it's happened quite a bit recently. You don't know they're there. They take photos from within the car, like you just don't know that they're following you, and they're following your family, which.
Is fucking weird.
You look great in this photo.
This might be a bit conspiracy theory of me, but I do actually think that they purposely choose the worst photos because that so, I mean, we walked from our house to the beach, went to the beach for forty minutes, and then walked home. That sequence of photos was taken from the moment we left our house to the moment we got back to our house, so that paparazzi had followed us like discreetly. We did not know he was there for almost two hours. And then the photos that he has chosen Daily Mail has selected are literally the worst photos of me that have ever been taken. And it's because it rage bits people. Like the headline is like, look at like Laura, glowy toned, whatever the fuck it is. It's like insinuating that I look great, knowingly that they've chosen photos where I look not great, and to try and get people to be like, oh my god, what are you talking about?
She looks hideous.
It's actually so fucking cruel and fucked up the way that it works.
It's Laura. They're dragging a boulder with a big rock. That's the facial expression that she's pulling, and I think it was gorgeous.
I actually, like to get serious for a second. I truly do not know how being a paparazzi is a legal job. Your actual job is to go and stalk people, take photos of it to show other people. If you were to do that to like a random person in their home, you'd be arrested. Yeah, like it's harassed. I just I actually don't understand especially when they are kids involved.
I get even more.
Fired up about it.
I don't understand how we don't have more rules and regulations about it.
It's so strange.
It's a really tricky one.
And I think the reason for that is that the lines are so blurred because so many people work with photographers and they work with paparazzi. So I think that there's this overarching belief that if you're someone in the media, that you must be in cahoots with paparazzi. And I can deeply like and I know that there will be people who don't believe this, and I know that there's been things written otherwise, but hand on my heart, swear all my life we have.
Never worked with paparazzi. We just don't.
So in the moments when they take photos of us, it's because there are always perhaps down at Bondo Beach. It's just a real hot spot for it. But I don't expect them to follow me from my house. I don't expect them to just be waiting there to get photos of the kids.
Like that's weird to me, and it's so weird.
It's different when we put photos of our kids online, or we put photos of our kids on our social media.
It's curated.
We've chosen photos that we think are appropriate of them, photos that we think they're covered. We can make the decision as to how much of them is or isn't appropriate to share. But when it's just some fucking dude in a hoodie hiding in a bush, it's very invasive.
By the way.
Yeah, I definitely feel weird about it, but I think it also the bloodlines and the tricky part of it is that it's part and parcel of wanting to have a career in media, so that I don't think that you can completely shit on it when there's so many benefits of the.
Job and like having that visibility.
Yeah, now that I've said what I've said, they're probably going to take the worst photos ever.
Anytime I'm with any of you guys, if you ever.
Move house keys, they'll be this year is quick, got it all right?
Look, now we have time to answer a couple of the questions that you have asked about your lives, about yourselves, as we would normally do when an ask guncut.
Sorry, hang on, Matt, have you had botox?
Oh? Yeah, I have once? Shut I have once. Yeah, it was before I went on the Bachelorette, which was maybe nine years ago, and a friend of mine worked in cosmetics, and I went to his house and this is a week or so before the show was about to start filming, and he looked at my face and said, ooh, got a couple of little wrinkles coming through this and crows feet, and he goes, you want to fix that right up before they start filming. I took his advice and I went, yeah, you're right, I probably should fix that up. But because I've got some vials in the fridge, I'll give you a little top up.
I was like, give me a top of an umbre, which friends this.
So if you look at the first like two weeks of the Bachelorette, my face doesn't move at all.
That's so funny. Also, you were so young.
I look at those photos of you on the Bachelorette and you are a baby, and parenting has fucking weathered us.
If you look at those Daily Mail photos of me.
I'm literally standing there holding a dummion in a nappy and I'm like, love me with bothos in my face? All right.
Answering your questions now, I had unprotected sex after a wedding with another guest and have since found out I am pregnant. Whilst the guy is really lovely, it's not a long term match given locations, jobs, and so I'm planning on having a termination. Matt, this question is for you. Would you want to know if you were in this situation? And should I tell him? And if so, if I do tell him, what's the best way to do so?
I think you tell him, right, wouldn't you tell? Wouldn't you want to know?
This is a question for a man to answer, and then I will give my opinion.
I mean, ignorance is bliss right, you know what you don't know can't hurt you. But I just think maybe if there's a situation where that person really wants to become a dad, is absolutely wholeheardly going to throw everything behind becoming a father. And if he finds out that, oh, Chantelle actually got pregnant when you had sex and she got rid of the baby, it was terminated. I know that guy might think I'm entitled to have an opinion on what happens to that baby.
Well, that guy would be very wrong because he doesn't get an opinion on someone else's body.
But he also he contributed though to that baby being made.
We contributed sperm. Feel differently about this.
I don't think that you owe him the necessity of telling him. I think you can make whatever decision you want for yourself. I would only tell him if it's something that you felt like you needed to do. But I kind of think you've made up your mind. You know you don't want to single parent, and at the moment, this is not a baby, like it has all of the parts to potentially become that, but you've decided that that is not what you want.
So I don't know.
I kind of think that you could then get yourself into a situation where you have someone trying to change your mind, or you have someone trying to guilt you into doing something that's not what's right for you, right for your body, right for the life that you want to live. And so I kind of think that it's a decision that you can make yourself. And if you don't want to tell a one night stand, you don't have to tell a one nightstand.
I kind of sit somewhere in the middle, closer to Laura, but I can understand where you're coming from. Matt, and I think interestingly, in these types of situations, you can really attack it from two directions. One is like you can think about the morals behind it and the ethics behind it and what.
You should do and what you shouldn't do.
Or you can think about it logically, and the fact is is that you're not going to change your mind. The outcome is going to be the same whether you tell them or not. So like I then ask a follow up question of like, what are you trying to gain by telling them? Yeah, you know, what do you why do you feel like you have to if it's not going to impact your decision whatsoever, or you know, you don't really think that you're ever going to have contact with this person again.
And sometimes I think it's just a little bit.
We can get a little bit caught up in the emotion behind like moral and ethical questions that we have within ourselves, and often I just go, if you're able to park that, just do what's easiest logically for you, which in this situation I think is not saying anything.
Yeah, And I also, you know what, I take it back, I probably should have been less harsh on you than Matt.
You're a very smart man. Thank you that's a nice thing you ever said to me.
I think it's because I worry that for someone who has gotten pregnant on a one night stand, if you're prioritizing that one night stands opinion on what you should do, I just don't think that opinion has as much weight as what you want to do with your body and with what's happening with you and for you and for the rest of your life. Because you know, they might say that they've wanted to have a baby this whole time, but it's not your responsibility to give them that. And I think that the impact that having a child has on a woman and on their life is so much greater than the impact that it has on the dad of a one night stand.
Is it though? Well? As a joke, that's a joke.
It depends on her hands on that man wants to be But I think the statistics would show that her life would be forever changed and his life probably wouldn't be that changed.
Yeah, if you've got a kid in the mix.
It is extremely unfair the process of making a child when you compare men and women. I remember seeing a video in my mum's closet of a woman giving birth. I must have been about twelve. My sister was like, you want to see something fucked up?
And I was like, sure, it would have been a birthing video for like training. Matt's mum had five children, so she probably had a birthing video.
It was like a midwife of obstetrician narrating the process of what was happening as a child.
I love the Kates came here and.
I remember watching it and thinking, I am so grateful that that is something that I never ever have to ever go through myself personally.
Oh, I'm curious.
About you know, you said I think I would want to know?
Though?
Why?
Yeah?
Why?
Like, and I'm not asking that in an accusatory way, Like why do you think you would want to know? Because if it's something that you wanted, or maybe something that you felt guilty about because you didn't use contraception or what like. To me, I'm like, the only emotion that could come from that is a negative one. I don't really see how it could be a positive.
Emotion, especially knowing that she is absolutely certain that she's going to have a termination.
Yeah, in that case, to me, it makes sense. And I'm not saying that if it was me, I would want to know. I just thought potentially in that situation that maybe someone that would want would want to know. I know. I just thought if there was a situation where down the line, six months, if it somehow got out and someone mentioned to the guy, hey, you know so and so had an abortion, didn't you guys have that one night stand that you know that night, if that person would then feel like they have been let down by not being involved in that conversation and being completely removed from decision process, I understand why they would do that. I just I'm kind of playing Devil's advocate there and how that person would feel.
Yeah, and maybe they would like to be a part of the support around that process.
I don't know it. I don't know if it's a case of open to kind of worms. But if you would say to that person, hey, this has happened. This is how I'm going to handle the situation. I just wanted to let you know.
Question number three. My husband and I have been together for eight years. We don't have kids, but have been through some major life obstacles in the past few years, both to do with our careers as doctors and a change in work and life balance. We are balancing working long days, having opposing days off, and having to study outside of work for exams, etc. To advance our careers. Our sex life has suffered hugely and now it feels like more of a chure these days. On the rare occasion that we do get intimate, I have found that I am disinterested in the act altogether, including doing anything sexual on my own. This is not the first time in a relationship that sex has dwindled for me over time, and I'm starting to wonder if I had the capability to sustain sexual lust in a long term relationship. I think what she's saying there is that basically this exact thing has happened before. Is this possible or is what I am experiencing common? Or am I at the problem?
There's always going to be from a guy's perspective, there's always going to be a tapering off of sexual drive when you compare the start of a relationship to six months into a year to two years. Right. But I guess I'm fortunate in that my sex drive has always been pretty consistent. There's definitely periods where it's not a priority in the relationship, Like I look back to when Lola was born, and we definitely weren't having any sex at all because we just didn't have time for it. While I'm trying to think back to how we improve that sex drive for each other and how we kind of got back on that horse for one of a better phrase, I don't know if it's just a case of we were just able to start dedicating more time to each other.
I think it's tricky when you deprioritize something so much that it's now non existent, or if you are so overworked, overstressed, have such inflicting schedules with your partner that there is no intimacy.
And I'm not talking about sex.
I'm talking about the small intimate acts that lead to having all the ingredients to make you want to have sex with your partner, right, Like, it's hard to go from nothing to then having someone penetrate you and being like, oh, yeah, I'm enjoying this. I guess what I'm saying is that I can completely understand how you get to a point where you're not interested in sex at all. And it's because, as Esther Perel would say, four play starts the time that sex ends. So like when you've just finished the last time you've had sex, All of the small things that you do for each other, all of the things that make you feel as though your partner cares about you, is thinking about you, that makes you feel desirable, that makes them feel desirable. All that stuff is what creates lust and is what creates the chemistry to make you want to have sex.
With your partner.
So if you have absolutely none of that, then I don't think it is surprising that you're not having good sex or having sex in a way that actually feels as though it's fulfilling for you and kind of feels like you're just fulfilling an obligation. When you say, am I the problem? Kind of makes me think that there's a bit of guilt attached to it, Like, yes, you're in the situation, but you feel bad that you're in the situation, and you know that it's not the right thing for you and your partner. But I kind of think that priorities have to shift a little bit, or making time for each other, or what are the small changes that you can make that can kind of get you back onto the path of being able to feel intimate not just around sex, but around everything else.
Can I ask you, besides the obvious, which is doing the laundrying, doing the kitchen, are there any things that I do in particular that improve your sex drive?
I love that it's doing the laundry and clean of the kitchen because.
We always joke about that. But are there any things in particular outside of those really obvious tasks that I behave in a certain way that you notice an improvement of your sex drive?
To be fair, I think that the things, the things that make me want to have sex with you are very different now to what they were when we first started dating. When we first started dating, you just being like hot and glistening in the sunshine, would maybe want to have sex with you.
That just looks like I just used to stand out in the garden with like covered in oil pretty mucha come and get me.
The amount of photos I have with you of your shirt off, like from that time, like those things like like there was a high sense of desire then, right, I don't have that same level of like, oh, I just want to rip your clothes off and like hmm. And that's because like you're always You're always there, like I can do that at any time. But the things that make me want to have sex with you are when you do stuff that lightens my load. That sounds so weird, but it's true. Like when you organize stuff in the house when you've like taken care of the kids, when you've done like when the house is clean. And I know that that's a really dumb thing, but like when things are organized and everything else just feels like it's not screaming at me, then I'm like, oh, okay, well we've got time to do it now. And I'm sure there's people out there who would say, like, well, you should just prioritize it regardless, but like for me, sex kind of feels like it's fun time, you know, Like that's like that.
I don't know how to describe this. I know what I'm trying to say, but I don't know how to describe this.
Like I don't want to fuck in a dirty house, right, I don't want to have sex when everything's disorganized. I don't want to have sex when I feel as though there's so many other things on my mind on the to.
Do list, I can have sex in a dumbster.
So when the to do list is done and I feel like the mental load is clear, then I feel as though I had the capacity to feel desirable or have desire all those sort of things. The only thing I think that increases my sex drive, though it makes me feel more like Okay, let's go for gold, is when I have time to exercise, and that sometimes is tricky. I don't always have time to exercise, so sometimes it's more a me thing than a what can you do to fix the problem.
But also, and.
This is probably going to be too much information for you, please don't be offended by this. And I wonder if you feel the same. Sometimes, yeah, every so often, because sometimes I'm just not in the mood right, Like my drive, my sex drive is nowhere near what it used to be at all. And it comes down to being busy with work and everything else. And sometimes I'll be like, we're gonna do it, like it's it's time we got to have sex, and so like at the start, I'm a bit like, all right, let's have sex now.
But hear me out.
As soon as we start doing it, I'm like, fuck yeah, Like I'm so glad, Like it's the exercise thing. I'm like, I'm so glad that we're doing this. But I don't always feel that leading up to it. I don't always feel as though, like, yes, I'm ready to have sex.
Do you know what she says, Kesch, She's like, we'll hop on top start cud ese.
Perrell refers to this is maintenance sex.
She says, it's really important, but I don't.
I know, it sounds like a negative and it doesn't sound hot and it doesn't sound sexy. But for me, it's like I don't want to go. I know that you would argue differently to this. Matt has this, like he has this sex blindness, so he thinks we have sex once a week. He thinks it's like once every two weeks. So if it's been a week without us having sex, he's like, oh, we haven't had sex for a month. He literally has this irrational blindness around it. So pretty much, if we're getting to the one week mark and if I'm not in the mood, I'm like, oh, it's come on, suck it up, Laura, like it's time we're going to do this.
Can I ask something really stupid And this is off the back of the conversation that we had recently with my sister, and people might think it's weird that we're having these types of conversations with my family members. But at what point of your cycle are you most horny.
When you're ovulating? Yeah?
Okay, so like, for example, what I don't want anyone to kind of misconstrue and not that anyone cares that deeply about this, but like it's not like that all the time. Like I'm not like always going, oh, it's time to roll over and have sex with my husband. That's probably like once a month that I'm doing that kind of like Okay, it's time, and I'm not really that super into it, but I'll get into it. It's fine, well this would be good, But ninety percent of the time it's because I'm excited about it.
Wow, that's so much share.
And also another question, did you did you have sex with me last night? Because I cooked dinner and clean the kitchen? Yes? Did you?
Yeah?
But also the other things we need to go to bed earlier. I hate going to bed late and it being like eleven o'clock and then trying to have sex like we're late hours.
We stay out doing work.
That's not conducive to a good sex life for us because we're also out the door early for work, and then we have your mother living with us, so we need to go to bed at like nine point thirty to be able to like have like excitable, decent length of time sex.
You know what I think is another absolute killer, and I might be projecting here, but it's also the guilt. Like nothing makes you feel less like having sex than feeling guilty about the fact that you haven't had sex.
Do you know what I mean?
That's kind of like a spiral where you're just like, oh, I know I should be urging myself to just want this and feel it, and I feel bad about that because you know we haven't for and then you start doing the math how long it's been, and you're like, oh, now it's just been so long that maybe I just feel bad about that, Like do you know what I mean? I think it just gets worse and worse than when she said, like, am I the problem? I'm like, well, kind of your lifestyle is the problem, and maybe it's this. It sounds like your partner's lifestyle is the same, so like making yourself feel guilty about it is probably the worst thing to do.
I agree very much in the air and saying I need to take my own advice.
Yeah, I agree completely, And I think that it's so easy to deprioritize it, and it's so easy to be like, well, I guess it's just my sex drive. But I would urge everyone who is feeling like that in their relationships to look at the other factors that have reduced desire, because I guarantee there will be they will be there, Like maybe your partner drinks too much, maybe he goes out with the boys too much, Maybe the house is a fucking mess, maybe you guys are working too much. Like, there's always other factors that impact, because like the longer you've been with someone, the more that they're just always there, the less they are an absolute priority because you're not worried about, Okay, when's the next time I'm going to see them? Like, you know, this is so exciting, so you kind of have to work really hard to maintain that. And Yeah, and I think for me, when it's lacking and has been lacking for any sort of duration, I know it's because I'm so overworked. I know it's because we're both maintaining crazy schedules and something has to change for me or I'm not exercising and that's like a really big one too.
I feel like I've learned more from this question.
Than the yeah yeah, sorry about that.
No, I'm like, what tell me more? Off, I need to tell the men about this.
It's like next week on two dating day, ovulating.
Clean house, clean the house, and track a cycle. That's about it.
I think about that though.
I think it's because we see and I say we stereotypically. I think we see sex as something that can only be done when the because it's kind of related to productivity. If you're prioritizing sex over having a clean house, we're just going to have sex and then still have a super dirty house. So for me, it's about getting every like you said, getting everything off the task list so that you can have that mental freedom to be like whoa, it's fun time. You know, whenever you try to go and have fun on a weekend or something but you've got X amount of work to get through, you feel guilty about it because you're like, I should be actually dedicating this time to the work, but I'm out here having fun and it's kind of all you think about rather than just having the freedom to be.
Like who Absolutely, and there's this I mean I know you mentioned it with like the whole esteprol maintenance sex, but there is a lot of research in the fact that actions precede feelings, so like often we wait for the feeling to do something like I'm gonna wait until I feel like having sex.
I'm gonna wait till I feel desirable.
And you're never gonna feel it right, Like, that feeling doesn't just spontaneously come to you. You have to do the things like you have to get yourself up off the couch, you have to put your phone down, you have to like initiate some sort of seductiveness with your partner, initiate the things whatever it looks like to you that would actually inspire sex, because like, it's not just gonna spontaneously happen. And then once you've gone through those sort of like rote motions, then the feelings come. And I know that some people can be like, oh, like, but I'm not gonna do something if I don't want to do it. I'm absolutely not advocating for that, but what I am saying is like, at least fucking give it a red hot crack, and then you can say you didn't feel like doing it. If you run around doing everything else and the huge mentalistic you have.
There is no wonder that like it hasn't just spontaneously come to you.
See. Menut different though, because I feel like, doesn't matter how long that list is, having sex is still always going to be enough to cut through and be a priority. I think for men, if they have a drop in their sex drive, I'm going to generalize here and I'm going to put it down to the fact that I guarantee they are masturbating a way too much.
Going back to masturbating one thing, now that we're on the topic, what was the one question that you asked about the Jungle.
So Keish when we did the big shoot for the promos and all the pictures and everything else. At the end of that session, they then sit down with the big dogs, the executive producer and you know, those who are like top of the food chain in charge of putting the show together, and they say, we're so excited to have you on the show. It's going to be a great season. Blah blah, bah blah blah. Do you have any questions at all? And I was like ah, And I was like, oh, oh, you know, you know, when do I have to keep my phone away. Okay answered that one, and I thought, I'm going to ask another question. The only question I could think of was, well, where do you masturbate? And I thought to myself, I don't know if I should ask this question. I'm sure I'll figure it out when i'm there.
I'm pretty sure that if the filter comes in, if I don't know if I should ask this question, the answer is usually not.
But then they said, you can ask us anything. So I asked the question, and.
Where does one masturbate in the jungle when Sandra Sully comes on?
And then they kind of looked a bit shocked, and they looked at each other and they weren't quite sure who should answer the question. They said, oh, Glenn, can you answer this one for anyone wondering it does happen on the show? It's in the toilet, the drop toilet. There's no cameras there, so that's where I'm assuming everyone would go to masturbate.
Imagine masturbating in a cubicle that has a drop toilet, and that's it, and there's a bucket below full of all of your camp mates poops.
As I said, I could have sex in a dumpster or drop toilet.
I am going to ask you how many times when you come home. I'm not going to show that.
I think you're going to be on such low calorie restriction that you're going to feel so fatigued. If you're like, I'm not getting any of these juices out, you know the resources, Matt doesn't.
It's just dust.
I come out like all skin and bone, like, oh god, you masturbate, did you? Matt know what you're talking about? Mood Water.
This has been too much.
I feel like we've shared too much, which I say that really, but I think on this episode we have, so I'm going to wrap it up there.
That is that is a good time to stop.
I think this is it. He finished.
I reckon we could. Yeah.
How do you feel? It's nice to have you back on the podcast, Matthew Johnson.
It's good to be back.
I've missed you.
I've missed you too. Keisha also have missed you as well.
I've missed you as well.
We're going to miss you when you're gone. Honey, Lola's not.
Everybody gather around. Let's rally around Matthew Johnson. Let's make sure that he stays away for as long as possible and will vote for him in the African jungle. I'm speaking like an here anymore, you in the African jungle. That is it from us, guys. We are back next week to normal programming. Life Uncut will be back. Brit Is back from Dubai Romania wherever she's been all over the world, and yeah, we're going to be back to well, I should say our normal scheduling, but actually our scheduling is changing. And if you missed what those changes are, we did do an episode last year titled some Big Changes are Coming next year, which you can go and have a listen to and you will know what is coming this year twenty twenty five, having New Years everyone.
I didn't even say that. We're also too far the episode having New Years everywhere, and you know the drill.
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