Life in a Throuple. “People Often Sexualise Our Relationship But We Are Just 3 People Who All Love Each Other.” Uncut with Camp Throuple

Published Dec 10, 2024, 7:05 PM

Have you ever wondered what life would be like living with not one but two partners?

Joining the podcast today are the wonderful Alana, Kevin and Megan who are a throuple!

Kevin and Alana were in a relationship for 3 years when Alana expressed that she was bi curious and had thought about experimenting with a woman. They met Megan on a dating app skewed towards non monogamy. Fast forward a few months and the three of them were in love and started their journey as a throuple! There’s so much curiosity around how relationships that don’t follow the traditional dynamics work and often a fear of the unknown or the unfamiliar.

We spoke about:

  • How other people in their life reacted to their relationship after they had kept it a secret for a year

  • How their relationship is often over sexualised and viewed as a ‘kink’

  • How Megan adjusted to coming into an established relationship

  • Navigating insecurities, communication, inside jokes and conflict

  • Their unusual sleeping arrangement

  • Finding out that some of their friends and family had been in polyamorous relationships in secret for a long time!

  • Their advice for people interested in exploring being polyamorous

You can find everything from Camp Throuple here!

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Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx

 

This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and today we have a very interesting episode, probably one of the first interviews we've done with three people on the other side, So there will be five people in this discussion. Have we done one of these before?

I just said, I don't think we've ever had five people on the interview at once.

Well, I am going to introduce our three guests, Alana, Meghan, and Kevin. Now, Alana, Meghan and Kevin are a throupple. They're in a relationship all together. They have been for many years and they run an Instagram account called camp Thrupple. But this is where they share their experience of what it's like to live in this non conventional relationship.

I also want to add to that, like every single time we've had these conversations, whether it's been a conversation around non monogamy or a different type of relationships set up that is left of center to what we consider a traditional dynamic, it's always been some of our most downloaded episodes because I think people are either fascinated about it because they're interested in it themselves or because it's something that and it doesn't come from a place of judgment, It doesn't come from a place of bias. It comes from a place of really wanting to understand. And I think that that just shows how much society's views are changing, and in particular you guys, we have an amazing listenership who really are very open minded. So, guys, welcome to the podcast.

Ah, thank you, thanks for having us.

Yeah, we're excited.

Kevin your smack bang in the middle. Talk about what your relationship was like at the beginning.

Yeah, of course. So my relationship, Alana and I were dating. We started dating in twenty seventeen, and in twenty twenty, she had come to me and said, you know, I think I'm by curious. I would like to kind of experiment. Do you want to come along for the ride with me? So we had this conversation, we downloaded the app, and we met Megan in twenty twenty and the three of us have been together ever since.

So when you came with that conversation that start, were you worried about how it was going to be received? Were you expecting it to be something that you would do together or was there apprehension around like, oh my god, how is Kevin going to respond to me trying to open up our relationship.

I was a little nervous, for sure, but there had been kind of conversations throughout the time of our relationship where I let him know I was curious about my sexuality and you know, never took the time to explore that when I was single prior to dating him, and so I was nervous, but he made me feel really safe and comfortable and like I could talk to him about anything.

So I brought it to his attention.

I was like, hey, you know, we've kind of talked about this, like fantasized about certain things, and you know, would you want to do this with me? Like I don't want to just go off and do this on my own, I don't want to break up Like this I'm realizing is something we can do together.

And I asked him and he was like, yeah, let's let's go.

Well yeah, yeah exactly.

So was there ever a discussion either, Was it always going to be we just want to have like a one night stand and experiment? Did you put rules in place from the very beginning of Lana for both of you, Kevin as well, at the very beginning on what it's going to look like.

Did you always know you wanted to.

Bring someone in continuously or was it supposed to be like one nightstand, no feelings, let me test the waters and then like we're done.

It was meant to be a little one next day, but we just we cut the fields and we realized like, okay, we can actually have a relationship. Let's try this out. So, I mean, it's worked out well for us.

Yeah, And Meghan, how did it come about for you?

So?

Were you online looking for a couple to have an experience with, were you looking for a relationship? Where were you at in your you know, relationship journey.

I was actually married to a woman at the time, I know, plot twist, yes, spoiler, and.

We both were looking for a couple just to kind of same thing, just experimental that relationship didn't end up, you know, working out for different reasons, but yeah.

Same thing.

It was just going to be kind of like a one night stand, you know, just have some fun and then, yeah, our connection with each other was kind of.

Undeniable when you first get together on something like this, and you guys have never done it before.

You've never invited someone else into a relationship.

How do you feel, like, are you nervous? Are you are you like, who does what? Who goes where?

Oh?

My gosh.

Yeah, well I've never been with a woman before, so I'm experiencing that for the first time, and then with my partner, and then watching my partner with someone else. I was like, my brain is going to explode. I don't know, like what's happening. And I I think if Megan didn't initiate, it might not have happened.

To be honest, Yeah, I'm allowed.

To say nervous, Yeah, but I'm sure.

I mean it's a new experience not only for you, but a new experience for your partner as well. And I guess you don't know what it's going to do to the relationship. Like was there ever a worry for you to Kevin and Alana that like maybe this is going to cause a rift in your own relationship.

So we had a lot of conversations before we met Meghan, and it was always like, Hey, if this is too much for you, just let me know, Like I care about you, I love you. We're doing this because you want to experiment, you want to try and if it gets overwhelming like it, just let me know and will bounce. So we had a lot of conversations, but as we continued the conversations with Megan, the initial attraction drew to like, man, I really like this person. She makes me laugh, she makes me feel confident, she makes me feel good, and that light quickly turned into a love. So we did have conversations, but we didn't want our fears being in the driver's seat of our lives of always worrying about what could go wrong instead of worrying like, what could go right? You know, there's a ton of things that could happen. But if we're honest with each other, we're transparent, and we're our authentic selves. Let's give it a go. Let's see what happens.

You know, it's interesting that you say, having your fees in the driver's seat and thinking about what could go wrong. I would also be interested to know, like, was there concerns around how other people in your life might perceive the relationship?

Absolutely? Yeah, And we were together a little over a year before we told any of our family and friends. We wanted to make sure that what we had felt right and we were comfortable enough to you know, people like to destroy beautiful things sometimes, And before we knew what we had, we didn't want to just share it with the world. We wanted to figure out what was happening, what were these feelings, because it was all new, but it was definitely something that we kept in our minds. And when we did tell our family, like my mom stopped talking to me for two and a half years.

Wow, wow, And how has she come around now? What's been that response?

So I was really close because I was homeschooled from like first grade to eighth grade with her, so we talked on the phone every day. And then once I told her about this, it was like, it's more important for you to know the real version of me than have this image in your head of who you think I am and something comes out later on with like, oh, that's not the person I knew. And I didn't want to be disrespectful to my mom in that regard, so I figured it was better to just be up front and you know, just this is who I am. Take her or leave it. It was definitely difficult. My mom and I have since started talking. She hasn't met Megan, but things are it's baby steps, just meeting her where she is, loving her and hoping that eventually, you know, she'd come around.

So how long have the three of you been?

Three almost five years?

Isn't it interesting that when you say you and your mom are really close, Kevin, and you tell her that, in fact, you're in love with two women, not one, and it's all consensual and we all love each other and we're all happy, that that is enough for her to pull back and not talk to you anymore because it's so not the societal normous, not like you've called her and you said I'm a criminal and I've been stealing. It's like, hey, mom, I love another woman as well, and that was enough deal in this day and age for her to pull back.

Yeah.

I think because I was raised in the church, I was in the church five days a week, and I think she took it personally in the sense of like she failed as a parent, and now I'm going against her religious beliefs, and I think her internalization caused that frustration and then just it was easier for her to.

Not talk with me and Alana, Meghan, what about for you and for your friends and your family, having those conversations with your external networks. What was that like?

So for friends, all of our friends have been really accepting and when we told them, like immediately they would meet Megan and just welcome her. They wouldn't question it. They were just like, oh, okay, she's part of the group. Now we're friends. And it was great for my family. It was a little different because I also was coming out to them as why so I on the same day that Kevin went to tell his parents on his own, I went on my own to tell my parents and again, like, I respect my parents, I love them, and I wanted them to know the real meat and I wanted them to hear it from me. So I sat down with them and I was like, hey, so I'm by and Kevin and I are in a relationship with another woman, and they, you know, my mom's Catholic, my dad is atheist but also conservative. So I wasn't sure what was going to be the result of telling them that they could have stopped talking to me. I had no idea going into it, but they, you know, just kind of continued with the conversation of like, Okay, well, have you guys gone camping together?

Or they were just like, let's just keep talking and.

Wo yeah, let's see how serious this is. Have you been camping? Like its panting really tested you.

It's an unusual environment.

And then Megan, when you come into this already established relationship, I imagine that is really hard because you know, there's this couple that have been together for ye's that know each other inside out, They've got their habits, they've got their routine, and then you coming as I mean, I guess at the start you're the other woman, you obviously get into a relationship pretty quickly. But what was that like to try and assimilate into an established relationship.

Yeah, I mean in the beginning, there were definitely a lot of insecurities that would come up on my end, just stupid stuff like I tell them like they'd be like brushing their teeth together and I'd be out in the living room because I wasn't like comfortable enough to do that yet, or you know, They've got little inside jokes like in front of me that I'm not. It's a really interesting dynamic to step into, so those.

Things it was.

It was hard, but they did a really good job at making me feel like a part of the relationship, Like I would come to the apartment, they had like changed out the pictures to like they included all of us and it wasn't just their pictures, or like had a key made for.

Me, or like like, hey, I cleared out this spot in the closet.

So they were really proactive to not make me feel left out, which I think could happen really easily.

Whose idea was it. Who was the person who was like, hey, how about we all commit to each other and not have this casual? Was one person the instigator of it? Or was it kind of that you came to this ide together.

It was kind of the latter. We all discussed how we were feeling, and it was almost like, we don't know anybody in this type of relationship, We never heard of it. What do we do? Like what we do from here? So we just said, all right, well, we love each other. We do know that. We don't know what's going to happen. We don't know how it's going to work, but we know we love each other. So let's just lead with love and figure it out as we go.

How do you guys work it? From like a physical perspective, do you live together? Do you sleep in the same room. Like, what does that look like from a day to day.

Yeah, so we lived together. We started living together a year and a half after we first got together sleeping arrangements. At this point, we all sleep in the same bed. We got this king sized bed and we're crazy people, so we rotate every night spot we're in that.

We don't have a side of the beds.

Yeah, that's like stuck a path. Yeah, that's the weirdest thing I've heard on this conversation so far. Let me tell you, you get your spot and you commit to it.

We're psychopaths.

Yeah, okay, so you rotate through the beds. And then when it comes to having sex or being intimate, what are the rules that surround that, Like can you have sex with anyone at the same time at any time that you want? Or is it does it always have to be together? Can two of you just be together without the other third person knowing?

It's kind of been an evolution. We started with all of us having to be present in the beginning to make sure everybody felt comfortable, and then I would say, like after a few months, maybe six months or something like that, we started testing like, okay, a line in Megan or me and Megan, and now we're in a place where it's like what.

Do you do?

Yeah, Like, any two people can be in commit together without the third person, but if the third person's home, they're always invited.

Or right, you know, no one's ever excluded.

Yeah, it's not like you stay out here. We're going to go in the room for like, yeah, thirty minutes and then see you later.

Yeah, thirty minutes. Well on them.

I know you probably get this question a lot, and I was asking it because it kind of feels as though it explains itself in that I look at you guys in the way that you speak about each other and how comfortable and confident you are in each other's company. But the question is always asked, like, does anyone ever feel jealous in this type of relationship?

It's our most common question, you would they No, No, not for us, because we talk about this a lot of how in this type of relationship you have to over communicate.

We're like talking.

In any relationship, you have to communicate, but then when there's an extra person, you have to really ensure that both people understand your feelings and where you're at and if something's going on, you can't just tell one person an in depth story and then the other person gets the like smart. Yeah, so doing that has helped us a lot to you know, avoid any feelings of jealousy. We definitely had insecurities and like Megan mentioned, feeling left out at times in the beginning, but once we talked it through and we were just open with each other like, hey, I'm feeling this way, Like like if we just lay it all on the table, even if it's embarrassing or you.

Know, like this is making me feel this way, we would just like tell right away and not let those feelings build up, and that's alleviated.

I think any jealousy popping up.

And most people suffer more in imagination than reality, so when you let those narratives build up, you'll just drive yourself crazy, you know. Yeah.

So does that flow into arguments as well, Like if one of you is upset with one of the other people, does the third person let them go and have their argument or does it always have to Does everything always have to involve the three of you?

No?

Not, it doesn't have to involve all three of us.

The third person, like you always want the third person to be aware if something like went down. Yeah, just so you can't if there's tension.

You're not sitting there like what the hell's going on?

Yeah, it doesn't concern you.

But yeah, a lot of times if two people are going through something, you kind of let them work it out, and if they can't, then you kind of have a built in mediator that can help get you to a resolution.

Yeah.

That's probably one of the biggest pros about this relationship our situation is the third person does get to see it from a different perspective. When they're not in the heat of the moment, their defense is on't all up, so they're able to be like, hey, you did say it like this. I know you might have meant it this way, but that's probably why she's upset with you, because he sounded like a jerk.

It's been so helpful, it's crazy.

Actually, So Megan, when you came into the relationship, who said I love you first?

Out of the three?

Boy you said it to me and then you said it to me.

I think you really want them over.

And then did you do you have to talk to Alana first to be like, I want to tell her I love her? Like how when you say communication is everything, because I imagine that is a huge step, Like it's one thing to bring someone else in, but when the emotional side takes over. You know, Laura and I will often say that me personally, I almost think emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating, like something, if my partner was in love with someone else, that's harder for me to accept than if they just went out and had a one night stand. So I'm imagining that you had to have that conversation first saying I think I love Megan.

Yeah, exactly. So we had a few conversations of like checking in's, like, hey, how are you feeling? What are you thinking about this? How are you feeling? We had those conversations just Alana and I and it was kind of like, I think I'm starting to fall for this person. And then you know, I was like, yeah, me too, Like should we tell her? Like is it too soon? We didn't know the hell we still do know what the hell we're doing it.

But yeah, can I also ask I mean, we're talking about conflict and like resolution styles a little bit before, but if you ever did have a situation and I'm not sure if you've discussed it where one person falls out of love with someone in the thropple, How do you navigate that? Is it a conversation you have had together? Because I would imagine it could be a situation where one of you may still be in love, but the feelings for one person within that throuttle has changed.

I think it's a valid question. Yeah, yeah, but we just I mean, it's kind of wasted energy. Yeah, if you think about it, you create these narratives you could start becoming insecure of like, well they looked at me or they went on a date with you, and I don't know, we just.

Kind of just don't put energy into it. I guess if it did come up, like, we'll face it, obviously, we'll have to. But like, if you're in a relationship one on one, you know you're not I don't think sitting there focusing what if they fall out of love with me?

Yeah, I guess it adds another layer, though a difficult layer, because you might still love the other person in the throttle. But I mean normally, if you're one on one and one of you falls out of love, you break up, right, But if you're in a relationship with three people and you still truly love one and you don't love the other. I imagine that's a difficult conversation.

I understand the logistics of it, and that's kind of why we're asking the question, but I also very deeply appreciate it from the perspective that you have, where it's like, well, there's so many variables in that situation as to who it could be that might feel a certain way that it's almost pointless to try and unpack what that looks like unless we're met with that situation exactly, and.

There could be a myriad of reasons of why that person's feeling that way too. So that's why we do check ins all the time and just to see where we're at, and if that time comes, we'll figure it out. At that point.

The three of you had conversations around whether you want to have kids together or is that something that you're not interested in.

Yeah, so, I actually I was married before I met Elana, and the reason why I got divorced was she wanted kids and I didn't. And I've had a vasectomy too, so kids will not be in the future for us.

And I know that. Obviously it's such a private and personal question, but it obviously alleviates just so much of the decision making around it as well, Like yeah, yeah, yeah, and we we've interviewed an amazing what are you described, they're called the quad. Yeah, and they have children, and obviously it creates more complexities around the parental situation of those children. But it was a fascinating conversation. Once again, it didn't come with any bias. It just came with this understanding that they have a lot more to try and navigate because there's kids involved in the situation too.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Since you've been in this relationship, have you come across like, are their commune online communities of people that are in throuples and quads and you communicate with them. Has it now that you've seen it and you're hyper aware of it, do you see it more frequently? Like you know, when you see angel numbers like one on one everywhere. Once you've noticed that, you see it everywhere.

Since going on social media, we've seen and like gotten to know a lot of thrupples, quads just people in the polyamorous community in general. And I think when we started on social media there weren't as many, but now we're starting to see a lot more. And I don't know if it's just the algorithms or what it is, but yeah, there's a lot of community within social media that we've been fortunate enough to meet other throuples, because honestly, without it, we wouldn't have met anyone in a.

Relationship type like ours.

But we have been able to meet up in person and learned that there's actually quite a few in our area that we've become friends with, so it's really cool.

And we also found out, like some of our friends and family were in polyamorous relationships for like plus years any nobody knew about and then once we came out, they're like me and my wife or me and my husband have been in this relationship for five ten years. It was cool.

That's so fascinating. And I'm sure that like that is something that you uncovered because there is so much stigma around anyone who lives and functions within a relationship that is different to what we think is like the traditional norms. What have you learnt about polyamorous relationships or being in a thrupple, Like, what has your perspective changed since you've done it yourselves?

I would say, if I'm being honest, before being in this kind of relationship, I think maybe I would have been a bit judgmental if I came across a throuble and maybe just sexualized it, yeah, and thought that's really all it was, was like a kink. But since being in this kind of relationship, I'm like, oh no, this is like there's so much more depth than that.

I think, just the sexualization of it. And even we get that, and that's part of why it took us so long to come out to our family and friends, because it's like, Okay, well that's going to be the first thing they think about, because that's all that a lot of people know. And so that was something that I had in my head. But now being in this relationship and knowing like this is a real relationship, like you can really be in love with two people at the same time, like it's legit.

I mean, being a bit more introspective here, this is where my brain's going. We have interviewed some amazing relationship therapists and psychologists like Esther Perrell, you know, Matthew Hussey. But one thing I remember Esther saying is and she's been married her whole life, but she's like, we're not made to be monogamous, she understands in a way, she doesn't condone it, but she understands why people cheat, and she says some people can have a stronger relationship after that. Do you think if you didn't explore this, Alana and Kevin, if you didn't explore this, do you think your relationship would have ended up that way? Because we're not all made to be monogamous human beings. So do you think if you didn't bring someone else in it could have been a big enough issue for you, Alana, that you would have possibly ended the relationship.

I don't think so.

I think the love that Kevin and I have and had at that time is really strong, and I brought it up because I just felt comfortable, but like that our relationship is still good, Like bringing in Megan or just having this relationship now didn't really alter that or make it like better. It's just we have a strong enough relationship already, so I don't think it would have gotten to that point.

I think I would have been understanding if I brought it to his attention and he was like, I don't know about that.

We've been like okay, like that's something that I'm not going to explore in this lifetime.

What is the advice that you give to people who come to you because we get so many questions. We do a segments called ask on Cut, and we have so many questions around like how do I suggest to my partner that I want to open up my relationship? How do I even bring this out for fear of the question changing what we currently have? What is your advice to people who are looking at potentially experimenting or looking at something that is, you know, not a traditional monogamous relationship.

I mean, I think the first thing.

And it's so hard to give advice on this because every relationship is going to be different.

Where Kevin and I were at at the time.

Of me asking him might not be where someone else is in their relationship. And we always say, like make sure that the relationship you have is strong, because if that foundation isn't strong and you're trying to use it as a band aid fix, or you know that your partner is not going to be comfortable with it even before bringing it up.

Like read the room, yeah, or like ask yourself, is this for selfish reasons? Like are you trying to get out of your existing relationship? And this is just an easier route for you to take, you know.

Yeah, like you guys weren't looking for something to make your relationship better, right, Yeah, it was just like a different experience to have in life, and then it just so happened to end up this way.

Well, and I think our like world views, in our view on relationships is it's not like your mind or your mind. It's like we're all three humans on our own path who love each other that one to help each other, support each other, have fun, laugh, do funny stuff. If something changes for that, you want the best for that human, not just like oh, well you're my girlfriend, you know what I mean? Does that make sense?

Like there's no ownership, Yeah.

There's no ownership. So when Alana came to me, it was like I was in awe of the vulnerability and the courage it took her to ask and like bring that up to me. And I felt very grateful that like we'd created a situation or an environment yeah, where she felt comfortable enough to say that to me. So there's like little narratives of like, oh maybe she would have ran off, but ultimately, like when I say I love you, I want the best for you, I don't just it's not just for right now. It's like you're an amazing human. You're an amazing human, like you know what I mean.

I think this recipe, though, for the three of you, is not normal. It's amazing that it made for you. And when I say not normal, I mean there'll be a lot.

Of people it's not common.

Well no, no, I mean not normal to have had three people that are so open and accepting similtaneously. So there's a lot of relationships that have the love and openness where one partner can come and say I want to explore this, but then to have the other person also in a life position where they're like, yeah, cool, me too. You know, a lot of people would be like, well, I'm not comfortable with that. So I think if you want to be with someone else, you know, So for the three of you, for your stars to have aligned, I think.

Is pretty cool.

I think it's really really special, and I don't think that many people might have been as lucky as you all.

I agree, I mean, to find I mean I feel very like fortunate to have found you guys, but to have three people, yeah, at kind of the same level of comfort and security within themselves to be able to try to do this probably is hard to find. Like we do get a lot of people messaging us sad stories of they tried doing this and how things turn out because of jealousy, or you know, this ruined my marriage. This like just so many different there's more negative unfortunately we see than positive. So it is really important to make sure like you got your head on straight before you do this.

I would love to know as well. I mean we touched on it very briefly, but didn't really get into the ins and outs of it. You said that when you met you were also married to another woman at the time. How did that then transpire? Were you seeking consensually something outside of your marriage? Were you looking to leave your marriage like what happened in your relationship at the time.

So this is a really good example of like a healthy way to approach this situation, which is what they did. And then I came into it as an unhealthy way to approach it. So, yeah, I was married to a woman just in like a really dark, bad, like drinking bad place in life. I just wasn't happy within my marriage, so I was actually seeking something outside of it. That's the only way I could figure out, I guess in the time to do it. So, like I said, yeah, I was kind of like an unhealthy way to go about it, which is what we do tell.

People kind of like don't do that because you do hurt people.

You know.

I did end up causing in areas where that didn't need to be if I could have, you know, done things in a better way when it was consensual.

So we were a quad for about ten months, we separated and then ended up reading kind of igniting thing.

Yeah, after I left.

My marriage, right, and so when you tried to be a quad, what was the biggest difficulty. Was it just that your ex wife didn't quite fit in?

Yeah? Kind of it just wasn't it just didn't work. Yeah, it just didn't flow the way I mean that this.

Flows for sure. Yeah. I don't think that she so much wanted the same things I wanted.

I guess.

Yeah, so maybe she was sort of coming along the right to try and keep the relationship, but it wasn't even hot what she wanted.

Did you think you guys were all aware of that at the time, or was it something that having that time apart gave you the discovery to figure out what you wanted.

I think that they really didn't know what was going on kind of behind the.

Scenes on my side.

Honestly, if they did, I feel like they would have been like but and then yeah, it just kind of evolved, and then I was able to kind of wake up mid through the situation and realize like, oh wow, like I'm not treating myself properly, I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not being selfish enough to do what makes me happy. And I finally just had to be like, I have to be selfish in this situation.

I have to take care of myself.

What will three of you think individually? Is the most difficult part about being in a.

Throttle Finding something to eat.

That's a good one, that's I mean, it is true and will give you that. I do think on a real note though, balancing our emotions because you have to now like care for two other people's emotions and feelings and also your own, because a lot of times when you're in a like one on one relationship, you just you have a lot more downtime and like your own time, where this you kind of have to make a little more time for that and figure that out of like Okay, like I really need to be just on my own and like tell your partners that, but then also ensuring that you're giving equal amounts of love and attention to both partners. Yeah, yeah, definitely, so no one feels like left out or like they're getting the short end of the.

Stick, you know, just an extra emotional lord, I guess, isn't it.

Yeah?

Absolutely, I think she said balance is a big thing for me. It's been really interesting personally. I've never been in a relationship with a man before, so that has been like a I'm in my thirties and I'm like, what, that's how his brain operates, Like, I do not understand this.

Yeah, welcome, welcome to the world.

So is that a sense of discovery for you then as well? I mean, if you say you've never in a relationship with a man before, will you up until this point, Like, and I don't know how you identify in your own sexuality, but were you like I am a lesbian, I'm only interested in women, or were you all so curious about being with the men or by curious as well, I.

Mean primarily lesbian, Like I have sexual experiences with men, but nothing emotional, like never an emotional connection which I didn't really have any interest in, to be completely honest, and then got her.

This guy shows.

Up up Klein and Sinker so fascinating to me. You guys, you wrote an ebook and created and you've been sharing so much about your lives online. What was it that made you go from living in secret for a year to wanting to share so publicly how your relationship works.

It was actually our friends. So when we when we opened to our family and friends that this is the relationship we're in in our like our work, so we all go to holiday parties together. Everybody knows in our life our relationship. Our friends were like, wow, it's so interesting seeing you all together, because in our imaginations before we came and you know, hung out with the three of you, we thought it was going to be so weird or awkward, and now it freaks yeah, like we're like circus animals or something. And they were like, hey, you know, we misjudged your guys's relationship and we're your best friends. It would be cool if you could, if you feel comfortable enough to go online and just kind of try and quote unquote normalize it and just show the world that love can take the form in a different way. And you know, you guys never take yourselves too seriously anyways, just do that online. So it's kind of what we did.

What was the response of your work? You say, you go to work trips and stuff together and there's no hiding the relationship that you have chosen to be in how to work colleagues respond because it's easy for friends to have grace for something because they know you deeply and they love you and support you, whereas work colleagues can be quite ambivalent or judgmental. I guess to the choices that we make.

For the most part, it was good all around. I mean I took a little while. I've been at my job for a year and a half and it took me a few months to tell them because a lot of times I want people to get to know me first, because, like he was saying, like people judge it right off the bat, So if I were to go into it and be like, yeah, this is me, they could have thought I was like some crazy and not really understood.

And so I let them get to know me as a person first.

And then I have two kind of direct bosses and they're both females, and I was like, hey, so I'm in this kind of relationship, Like I just wanted you to kind of be aware.

And they were like, oh my gosh, and immediately just started asking questions. I was like, okay, cool, but everyone at work is really accepting and they ask about like both Kevin and Megan, and yeah, they came to they both came to the holiday party we had, So that was a.

Lot of fun.

Have you had a lot of people online come to you and say thank you because you, guys, I have, you know, lived out my dream or my fantasy or being able to feel comfortable to be myself and into a polyamorous relationship.

Oh yeah, that's kind of what keeps us doing it.

To me, honest, like, we get so much positive feedback, like just in private messages from people that are like thank you for doing this, like in normalizing it.

Like we said, that is really what keeps us doing it.

Yeah. Some of our favorite like messages and comments too are the people who are like, I have no desire to be in a polyamorous relationship, but I had no frame of reference of what that looked like. And now seeing you guys, if my kids came out and told me this, I'd be excited for them because I've seen the love that you guys have had so those kinds of comments, Whereas people that aren't even trying to be in that lifestyle, but they now have an understanding of it, or you know, an acceptance of it that's like it's cool. Yeah, it makes it all worth it.

Yeah, it definitely rewrites, especially what you were talking about, this idea of the sexualized nature of it, and it's hard. It is a tricky part to rewrite. And the reason for that as well is because even when originally you were seeking out the experience of it, it was based around a sexual experience that then you know, transcended into something else. And I guess for a lot of people that's their only reference point is like, well, when you would open up your relationship, you would do that for a physical experience, not for an emotional experience, right. And like I said, you know, we have really amazing listeners, and I think we've had some pretty unique conversations on this podcast over the years that have challenged a lot of biases, even some of the ones that I've held myself. But until you speak to someone who is walking the walk, who is living a very different lifestyle to you and the reasons for which they've chosen it. I think that having that reference point is what changes everything. It changes your perception around it too.

Yeah, but we all know the internet, right, and we know how many trolls there are. We know how much as much as you guys get to love, I have no doubt you get just as much hate and as much pushback in negative comment.

What do you want people to know?

Like right now listening, because our listeners are so open, there'll be so many that are just like applauding you and it won't touch the sides. And maybe there are a few that won't understand it.

There's some that are like not for me, but probably not in a way that they're going to jump on your Instagram and write anything.

But what is the biggest myth?

They're not crazy, No, they're not going to do that.

But what's the biggest misconception you think you get from the people that are writing to you or the people that think about a thropple? Like, what do you want to tell people? Because I think people probably think you'd seen orgies all the time.

I feel like they think that which actually have to.

Go speak speaking of we've got one schedule.

Now I've read.

I mean we really, for the most part, we do get a ton of peat, a ton, Like there's some of our videos that are just it is bananas, But we've learned to kind of just either ignore it or we'll just meet it with love and you know what I mean, not give negative energy back. We also are very understanding of people that don't quite understand what we're doing.

Yeah.

I think that's one of the things, is like it's okay if you don't understand.

We get that you don't.

I mean, even with our own families, we gave them that time to get to a point of understanding or at least kind of coming around because it's not.

The societal norm.

Yeah.

But I think the biggest thing is just like we said, to not sexualize it, like this is a true relationship and we do really love each other like all of us.

I think too. It goes back to like fear, right, People a lot of times are afraid of what they don't understand or see. So you know, even when you're a kid or maybe now and it's dark in your room, you're like, what the hell is that? Right, and you flick on the light and it's just a coat rack, and you're like, oh, okay, I thought that was the Boogeyman. So I think in the imagination of a lot of people, they see this and it goes against maybe religious views, personal ideas, beliefs, but they've never gotten to know anybody in this type of relationship. So instead of being curious and asking questions to see and try and understand, there's more of already a wall there because they know what is makes them feel comfortable and what doesn't. And instead of when something makes you feel uncomfortable, asking why does this make me feel this way? Why am I getting this response with my body or why am I thinking this way, they just, you know, unconsciously react. And with those kinds of people. If you think about it like that, you wouldn't get mad at a kid for not understanding something. You wouldn't get mad at somebody who doesn't understand. So when we get that hate, it's like, oh, okay, you just don't understand, and that's okay. Like not everybody will not everybody's going to want to put in that time. We're all on our own paths and you just got to kind of meet them with love, you know what I mean.

I mean we can sit here and say, anyone that wants to you can watch this on YouTube. You can see the love that you guys have, and then it just looks like a normal relationship between three people who truly respect, love, and care.

About each other.

So thank you so much for coming and sharing a side that a lot of people don't get to see. And I hope that having these conversations with podcasts like ours continue to normalize the throttle.

Or the cord or any relationship that anyone has.

We definitely are in a society now where we are slowly becoming more accepting to whatever works for people.

I think we're seeing that more.

I think even if you're not someone who can like listen to an episode like this and go like, oh, that's normalized for me at least, just like if it doesn't affect you, you don't have to have such strong opinions on something that you never ever are going to experience yourself. And you can come to something with neutrality. You don't have to come to something with hatred that you don't it doesn't affect you, you know.

Yeah, And you have a choice to be kind or not at the end of the.

Day, right, so exactly.

Thank you guys for allowing us to come on and tell our story. We really appreciate it. It was so nice meeting you too. You guys was really funny. We appreciate it.

Oh, that's the timeline of the episode.

No thanks, guys.

We're going to link all of your book and your TikTok's and your Instagram in our show notes if anyone wants to go find more that.

I'm absolutely wonderful.

Thank you so much having

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Life Uncut

Talking all things love, life, lust, and a bunch of other stuff. Nothing is off limits in this podca 
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