F*ck Cancer, Britt's Wedding Dress And Is It OK To Publicly Call Out a Cheater?

Published Aug 5, 2024, 7:00 PM

Hey Lifers!

Laura has had a really heart breaking week. Her wonderful step father passed away last Tuesday night and today she shares some of the best bits of who he was as a man. We also have a conversation about living alongside grief and how life is somewhat expected to continue 'as normal' when you're experiencing it. Laura also shares how she's finding it challenging knowing how to explain what has happened to her two young daughters.

Britt has tried on her first wedding dress and it brought her (and only her) to tears!
The wedding date is closer than any of us expected! We have a bit of a laugh about what styles of dresses we expect Britt to pick. Was the dress you ended up choosing to be married in the 'style' that you expected or was it different?

Is it best to publicly call out a cheater? 
We unpack the growing trend of people using Tiktok to call out what they think is cheating in an effort to out them and find the wronged partner to let them know. 
Is it always better to ‘expose’ them? Or do you think that is more humiliating for the person who has been cheated on?
Is publicly calling out a cheater justified, or does it cause more harm than good?

We mention an episode with a polyamorous family that we absolutely loved! You can listen here

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Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and if you guys listened to Thursday's episode, you would know that I wasn't on that app.

Laura was Mia and we had produced.

A Keisha, did you guys? I don't even know. I haven't listened to it.

We did the job, Yes, we did did an episode?

Was it?

That was great?

More so, I don't even know what you said. Did you explain why I wasn't there?

No? Oh, yes, and no. I think we just kind of elluded. We just said that you needed to have some family time at the moment, we.

Just said, you, guys know, Laura's had a lot going on with the.

Family, and then Brittany had a house fire and I tried to steal some chicken from wol Worth.

You missed a lot, like really important, very vital information, and you actually missed that there was a house fire. I nearly died in my sleep.

I did see the picture of that, and speaking of death, that was terribly inconvenient. But giving you a segue, fuck. Look, I mean, there's no other way to have this conversation. But you guys, I know, normally we start these episodes and we're all light and it's all funny and hahhas. But the reason why I wasn't here was because I did have some full on family stuff. You guys know that over the last few months, I've been speaking about Neil, my stepdad, who has been in palliative care and he has terminal prostate cancer. So on Tuesday night last week, Neil passed away, and yeah, it was really I mean, like, look, it was really hard for the family. We're all kind of going through the going through it now, but he is not in pain anymore. Yeah, and he fought right until the end, Like my God, did that man fight.

He was really convinced that he was going to get a miracle.

Yeah, And I know we spoke about it a couple of months ago, but I really just wanted to reiterate it because so many of you were so amazing. You guys messaged and said that you had gone home and had conversations with your dads or your uncles or your husband's around whether they had had their prostates checked, and you know, just starting the conversation because it's such a weird thing to talk to the men in our lives about. It's not something that I think anyone has really ever sort of said or opened up that conversation and been like, hey, have you talked to your dad about his prostate?

I called my dad straight away and I was like, Dad, when was the last time you had a finger up your butt?

But you don't even have to have a finger at your bike. It's it's a blood test now that checks the PSA levels. And you know, Neil's only in his sixties, Like he's so young. He was diagnosed nine years ago and by the time he was diagnosed, it was already stage four. So at the time he was given five years to live, like when we found out his diagnosis, So he was on borrowed time and he lived for nine year and eight and a half of those years were amazing, like really amazing.

But I guess that is the miracle, you know, because he got so much extra time that he didn't think he would have.

Yeah, you guys got to meet all of his grandchildren.

But yeah, I guess I just wanted to reiterate, and I'm so sorry that you're listening to the start of this and I'm crying.

I will pull my shit together.

No, I wanted to reiterate that if you haven't had that conversation with the men in your life, don't just assume that they have done it. Because Neil hadn't. He hadn't gotten his checks done that he needed to, and there is this such immense sense of loss now because had him, maybe we would be in a different situation. Yeah, so please go and do that. And guys, sorry, I wasn't here last Thursday, but you know it was very sad times.

You need to learn to stop saying sorry. You don't need to apologize. And the fact that you're even here today is a marvel like you absolutely did not have to be. But I understand that that's also how you work, which is to keep keeping on.

It's not even that you know, I had this conversation with my sister because so we spent last week with my mum, and my sister and I have been tag teaming each other so that someone is with my mum. But when you run your own businesses, it's like the world just doesn't stop spinning. And I was saying this to you guys on the weekend. You kind of have the grief that you're dealing with, and then you have the guilt that you still have to crack on with some things that otherwise don't get done.

And it seemed frivolous at the time.

And I noticed some people who are listening to this who maybe aren't in the position of running their own businesses or are in positions where they can just say, hey, you know what, I'm going to take a week off and if that pisces you off, fucking deal with it. But it's been something that's been really hard, and so my sister and I have been trying to like manage and do the juggle and the dance between, you know, the work that needs to be done, especially over the weekend because we had to be we had this fucking terrible time of this massive trade show, and it just was really sad. I was like it was in this moment, I think this is We've had a few deaths in our family of the last couple years. You guys might even remember like two weeks ago. I was like, well, my nad passed away, now my dad's passed away. You had a rough rough yeah, but you know, sometimes trying to do everything just it feels like a lot, that's all.

And also you're a mom, Yeah, that doesn't where are my children?

I had I'm hids. To be honest, I think that that was like the hardest part.

So, I mean not to go into too much information, but on Tuesday, so Neil had gone into He had been in pallided care at home for a really long time and then that became too much and so he had gone into the hospital, which I think everyone realized that when he went into the hospital and had put the line in for morphine that.

He would never come home again this time. But we were there all day on the Tuesday.

They can't tell you how long it's going to take, like the process of end of life. They'll say it could be a day, it could be four days, it could be a week, Like you just don't know.

And like people's individual bodies, yeah, when they want to shut up shop.

And so we were there all day. Me and my sister had been there in the morning. Neil's two children, Chris and Sarah and my mum, and we just spent all day there by his side, and then I left to go and put my kids to bed with the intention of coming straight back. And when I was on the way back, that's when I got the call. And so I was still made it back in time to be with him, but I wasn't there when he passed away. And it was so hard because you're like trying to do all the things.

But I've been here the whole time.

I've been here all day.

God damn it, Neil, Like, did you wait for me to leave? Possibly?

But I think that that's just such a unique situation in this in that you know your life is expected to go on as normal, especially if you have young children who you don't want to expose to things that are as dark and as heavy as this, and you have other responsibilities, and like you said, no matter whether.

It's a business that you run or whether you just.

Have life responsibilities, Like I think it's a very hard thing to navigate grief, caring for someone and also life continuing on as normal. And how you do that dance of like get straight back into life as normal so that you can try and distract yourself from the grief, or do you sit in the grief and let yourself completely process it and assume that life can just pause, like it can't. These things can't. You can't have it in a binary way. It's got to kind of exist at the same time. And I think that's really really hard for people who are expected to turn up to their job and be like, Okay, I'm going to have a teams meeting today and I'm going to try and not cry.

And I think as well, it's not linear, right, So even since Tuesday, I've had days that I didn't feel as much grief, and then I've had moments where it's just smacked me and I feel so much my mum. So, like I said, Mum's lost her mum and then she lost her husband, all in the space of ten days. So I kind of feel like we have to put everything that we feel aside because what she's going through is the biggest thing at the moment.

It's not even just a grief of losing someone in your life. It's also the grief that you take on from your mum's grief, because the empathy that you feel for those around you that you know are herd in a way more so than you, like a different kind of hurt. You know, it's your stepdad, but he's been there since you were like fifteen.

They've been together for twenty years.

But it's her life partner. And so I know I haven't lost a parent, but I know what I would feel for my parent when one of them loses each other like that, what I would feel like I would take on, you know, for your mum, So you're taking on It's almost like two different kinds of grief in a way.

And I know that there will be some people who will relate to this because they've lost people that they love, and I know that there will be other people listening to this who haven't experienced this part of life yet. But it's a really fucking grim reality that we are all at some point going to experience this. And I think one of the big things and maybe I haven't handled this well yet. I really am unsure about how to talk about death with the kids. Lola, I'm not worried about she's three. She kind of does really process what's happening. But Maley's a real sensitive soul, and I know we just had the conversation about Nana and I haven't told her yet about far so I'm gonna tell her tonight. But that's been really tricky because I don't know if I'm doing it right. I don't know what the right process is for helping a kid understand that they're not around anymore.

What did you tell her about?

Ye Nan? So we I mean, we're not religious in our household, so you know, I grew up very much knowing or believing that there was a heaven and a hell, and so that kind of really put death into perspective. I remember when my great nana died and my mum was like, she's dead. Now you can't come to the funeral. She's in heaven. And I was like, wow, heaven sounds great. But because that's not something that we believe in, and you know, I grew up for my own beliefs, and I don't know what I believe in.

That's the problem. So we've always had the process.

So far, we say that Papa is, he's in the stars, he's watching over us. He's not here, we can't see him, but he's always around us. And I think Marley understands that to some extent. But then sometimes, for example, so if we're in the car and it's a cloudy day, she'll burst out. So it's nighttime, right, it's a cloudy night and you can't see the stars. She'll burst out crying because she'll be like, Papa can't see me. He doesn't know where I am. It's so it really don't pushed me. And she didn't even really know Papa. She only met him when she was really little. But far has been such a huge part of her life for five years, and so this one will be very different to explain to her.

That's all.

Well, I mean, I'm not religious at all, but I'm only really thinking about this for the first time now because we're having this conversation. Not religious, but I would be explaining this to a small child in my life, like heaven. I think I would still say heaven. And I think that's because it's just a nice belief of the next part of life. And I think for a child, it's nice to know that there's like another world. And I guess you can explain that however you want, like they've moved on to their next chapter. But it's funny if a not religious person I would say that I would even say that comment now to somebody'd say, well, they're in her now. It's just weird because I don't believing. It's hard because.

You know, I think as a culture, especially if you're not religious, I personally feel as though death is easier to process, perhaps if you believe that there is an afterlife, that there is something else coming. I agree, and I think it's very hard when you believe. You know, I'm agnostic, and I feel very similarly to you, and I would feel conflicted telling my kids something that I didn't personally believe, even though it would make that experience easier.

Then what happens when it gets to the point.

Where you're like, well, you're able to make your own decisions about what you think happens. I really, I don't have any advice. I can just relate to how complex.

It would be. We are not child psychologists.

If you are one, and you, I mean, you have very limited time to slide into my DMS because this conversation is happening very soon.

But yeah, I agree. I also, I mean we are very much as parents.

We approach things as being as honest as possible. So I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible for her. But I haven't worked up the courage myself to have the conversation because every time I have it, I'm in tears and I don't want that to scar her or to be said anyway. It's it's a fucking whole thing, guys. It's all happening, and here we are at work and talk about it.

I don't, but I think this is the right place to talk about it.

To be sorry to say that again because I snorted straight into the microphone.

It's okay, keep the snorting. It's the surround sound. It is the we really want to take you guys on a full journey here.

I don't think have much understanding of how many times I cut out Laura being a little pug.

You guys don't know this.

I have incredibly small I have incredibly small sinuses, and I was supposed to have like sinus.

Surgery when I was in my twenties. Never did so.

I snort like four hundred times a day, Matt says, it's my anthem.

I'm all almost at the start. Five years ago, it bothered me a lot because all I could hear in my head was mucus all day, and now times a day it's like a French bulldog. The sometimes you hear in the flame get stuck at the back of your throat. Yeah, it's a real guys, You're welcome. Okay, I cut it all out, but we have to hear now, you know.

Also, I was going to do it.

I was going to do it, but then I was like, well, if I'm going to do it, I'll just get the nose fixed as well.

I mean, not that I need it, but.

I'll I just get a little from And then this all happened post Bachelor, and I was like, no one will ever believe I'm going to do it because I have cignus problems.

To be fair, I was a friend recently who did have rhino plasti and she also she didn't know she did it for asthetic reasons, but she got into the consultations and she realized that she had a deviated step into the point that it was blocking a lot of her sinus so good, so she got both done at the same time. So hers was for almost like the opposite reason. She wanted it for asthetic purposes, ended up getting it for like physical purposes as well.

And now she's like, people breathe like this, Oh that was what my sister. So, my sister's hard of hearing. She wears hearing aids. That is what she said when she finally got hearing aids at twenty seven. She put them in. She's like, what's that? And I was like, what she's like? Is that a bird? And I'll never forget going. You've never heard that? I said, what would you hear right now? She's like, nothing, silence. I would think it was silent outside.

It's amazing.

It was just a bird in the tree being like tweet tweet whatever it does.

Wow.

She's like, I can't believe I'll be missing now, not my whole life.

If you ever want to just like consume really wholesome contents. Anytime I feel really depressed about my life, I like to go and watch children who have had cochlear implants and have.

Them turned on for the first time.

I felt like, if you want a really good cry, but no look a full circle around talking about Neil Neil Lendrum, he is and was an amazing man. He was a musician. He played every single brass instrument under the sun. He did every anzac day. He was up playing the goddamn bugle. He was so instrumental. I know Wollongong's a small town, but he was so instrumental, and like the Woollongong music scene. He loved a Hawaiian shirt. He had the fucking worst dad jokes and dad pans that you've ever heard, and he fought so hard right into the very end, and yeah, we love you Farase.

Hawaiian shirts.

Just pieced out when she said they had a Hawaiian themed wedding and it's a Hawaiian themed funeral.

Ran to the end.

That is how I think of him. When I think of him, is just the brightest, most glaring Hawaiian shirt possible. Like, I don't think I ever saw him without a Hawaiian shirt on.

It's all he owned.

It was it that was like part of his no never.

He also fucking loved to be here.

But like I know, I've said it so many times now, but I'll reiterate, like one last time. Whatever you're doing right now, send your dad a text and ask him if he's had his prostrate checked. And if he asked says like that's weird, ask him again and if he says he hasn't, badgering him until he goes and gets it.

Done and hug your loved ones. All I want to do now is drive up to Port Macquarie and see my parents. Hawaiian shirts on for Neil.

Yeah, put Hawaii Hawaiian shirts out for far Brit. Okay.

I know I've taken the start of this, but you actually have some very very cute and exciting news from the weekends off.

That I'm fucking mad.

I'm going to put it out there so I'll tell you why I'm mad, because I feel like you are gatekeeping information that should never be gate kept from me.

Like the engagement.

No, the engagement I'm okay with. Like that made great content viral videos for that.

Can I this part I'm.

Not okay with.

There's a lot of pointing going on at this.

We're talking about wedding chat now.

Okay, Before we get into that, I just want to say Laura and I I feel like in each other's souls right now. So, Laura and I have never in our life worn a black shirt with thumb holes to work, never in our life. And today, out of five years, on the same day, we both woke up and thought I'm gonna put a long sleeve black shirt on with thumb holes and where it to work, and so.

We both it looks like we're like, do you know what this is? This one's the Darling Shine body suit one, but he's a hot tip. I can't wear the shorts under jeans. It's too hectic for me, so.

I cut the shorts off.

So it's just now a top.

It's the top now.

But I've got two of them, So I've got the bodysuit one and I've got a top. Maybe they could make an alternative that's normal underwear on the bottom and that can be the life on Gut one.

They really need to make just a shake a lab with life on cut now, Darling Shine, Bye, We love your joke. We love anyway. Your holes look great. Looks thanks, so your sinus holes don't sound great? At least you for your holes look good.

One other thing, can we just talk about your wedding dress?

Yeah?

Okay, I tried on my first wedding dress and I I don't know if this is cringe or not. I wasn't expecting to feel much. To be honest, I thought that I was just gonna try dress and be like, oh I like that or I like this or whatever. Didn't overthink it and I walked out. I just wanted to make me sound like such a wankerp. I was just with my friend Kim, who also happens to be my stylust that I use, but we've been friends for five six years, seven years. And I walked out and it was this beautiful, big room with like ceiling to floor mirrors that were like twenty meters long. It was a stunning room, and Kim was in the background. And I walked out and I caught myself in the mirror and I started crying. She's like, I look at myself, myself, such a beautiful bride. And then I looked around at Kim and she wasn't crying. I care ha fake it and where are your tears? She was like, I'm sorry. I was just in like structure styless mode. I was thinking, and I was like, we cry for me, Yeah, cry for me, hang a veil for me. No. I had tears in my eyes and it wasn't. No, your fuckers. It wasn't because I thought I'm a beautiful bride.

It was such a beautiful brush. I'm so you would have looked beautiful.

We're taking it, yeah, for sure, like it looked great. But that's not the point. It was just a moment of like like, I'm it's real. I'm really crying because we knew. But I was like, oh my god, like I actually found someone wants to marry me.

Here sees you for four weeks a year British.

That's that's why, that's why the tears were in disbelief. We're just going to cry this whole episode. No, I just had a real moment because I don't know. It's like we've talked about it a thousand times. But I'm not saying dirty seven years old. I am not saying that. But I have just battled with some red flags a long time, some frogs, and you do go through, you go through that treacherous mountain, the highs and the lows of thinking like, Okay, it's not going to happen for me. That's fine. I'm so happy on my own. And then you meet someone and then you think that's it, and then it does and then you're like, okay, here we are again in the pond. I'm fine. But then to have found the person and no, it's not easy for us. We don't see each other often, and it's a real battle, but to feel like I have found the person. And it was the first moment I was like, oh, I'm actually getting married, like I'm going to have a husband. Because it's easy to be like I'm getting married whatever, but I haven't thought about it. We hadn't picked a venue or a date until a couple of days ago, and then so it was the first moment I was like, oh, this is happening. Also, the wedding part is so exciting.

But I also think when you're in the process of it, you then start to think about, well, then what does life look like after? Because the wedding is just a day, right, It's just a wedding, But then it's.

The Maritz will be so much longer than one.

For three days, it's the celebration of bread.

We just know it's the thirty eight hours. It's got to be more than that. It's got to be like fifty hours.

Okay, so back to the most important stuff. I know this is beautiful. I'm thrilled for the tears.

Well, I don't see any tears yet.

I haven't seen the dress, so I can't cry for you.

Do you take photos? I so I messaged Britz straight away Catholic.

So I messaged you straight away and I was like, show me, show me the dress. And BRIT's response was, I've decided I'm going to keep it a secret.

No, I said, I think I might keep it a surprise, which you've kept it a surprise so far.

I still haven't seen it, and I feel dirty because I'm like I showed you mine.

It's like I showed you mine showing me yours. Spread it.

I don't know. I feel like there's a part of me that was like, I've waited so long that I just want you bitches to be surprised.

So is this the one? Have you picked it?

And I don't think it's the Well, okay, put it this way. It's the first dress I've tried on and the only dress I haven't tried another dress on yet. I just wanted to put it on.

You just went and put one dress on.

Correct.

Well, I remember Laura talking about it, and I remember you saying that you had a certain idea of what you thought you would wear, and then you tried on quite a few that were in that style and you realize that whether you suited a different style more or you just changed your idea of what you wanted.

Change this is fun. What do you guys see me? Let's play this game.

I only see you in this because you've already said what you wanted. You wanted something that was backless, so that was your original. Yeah, you said you want to something backless. And I can't remember you said high neck or not, but I think from memory it was high neck and backless. But what do you see me in high neck and backless, because that's what you said.

If there's a turtle neck, if there is a waiting turtleneck, I'm doing it.

I see you in something quite sleek, something quite like, not figure hugging, but definitely like around the shape of your body. It would surprise me if you came out in like a cupcake or ball gown style you know dress.

I agree, but I also think it's gonna be lacey. I don't think it'll be sleek material. I think it's gonna be lacey and decalli and shit, declly yeah, I love a decay and shit. I don't know if you decal the wedding dressing well, like, No, when I say decal, I mean it's like the lace, like the decal is the boned up no, No, Lacey is the type of all right anyway.

Okay, So put it this way, I don't think it is the one, but that's only because I haven't tried anything else. Having said that, if I woke up on my wedding day and they were like, oh my god, this is the only dress you can wear, I'd be stoked. So like, I loved it, but I think it's too soon to say the one to call it. Yeah, So that's where I feel like I'm at. I of course want to try on loads more and I wanted it was one style, so I want to try in different styles, but it was one backless style with turtleneck.

I feel like.

Okay, Zara.

So flew to Melbourne on the weekend.

She tried on wedding dresses and now the next stop is to go to Balley to look at wedding venues.

Fucking so I'm stoked.

Yeah. So, Kisha and I are heading to bail in a couple of weeks on our joint birthday. So it's birthday present is that we're getting up at four.

We've got to get to the airport at four o'clock in the morning to fly off on our birthday.

Although I'm very excited. Yeah, so it's a super quick trip. Four days in Bali. We've got one day Kish she doesn't even know this, sorry, happy birthday. We are going to look at a couple of venues I know the one I want, I don't know if it's going to be available, and we're I think we're doing a tasting, food tasting as well at a venue I don't even want, but sure you want a taste. They're not listening. So that was it. That was the start of the wedding journey. But guys, what I will say is we only have one time of the year we can get married, and it's not that long away. So the wedding is not as far it's under a year. It's not as far away as I would have probably liked. Especially if someone as disorganized as myself.

You do need to get him pinned down so if he can't change his mind, like nine miles.

Mind about me? Yeah, yeah, I was like, we've moved it forward to next week. We found address next week to unforeseen circumstances. Man, it has to be next week. The date has been brought for.

Now, Britt, I know that you are not a big TikToker. You're not someone who's on TikTok.

No, I have not been sucked into that vortex, and I am proud of that.

I mean, you did start, and when I was see an Instagram page, you started a TikTok page.

And then it's got nothing on that. I've got few followers.

I've got pressured to start like one post yeah, peer pressure years ago. So I put one up and then I was like, this is the worst.

I'm too old for this.

Not too old.

It's just as like.

There's so many mean people on there.

I mean, it works very differently to the way Instagram works. And I enjoy the storyline aspect of TikTok, like I enjoy how people create almost like miniseries around what's happening in their lives, and I get sucked into the vortex of the doom scroll. But there's something that I have noticed quite a bit of. Now this is not a new trend, but it is something that is increasing in popularity, and that is people exposing cheating on TikTok. There's two versions of it, which I find so fucking fascinating. There's people who are exposing their cheating exes. We spoke about this a couple of weeks ago on radio. But then there's also another version of this that's emerged over the last couple of years, and that is people who think that they have witnessed cheating out in the public. Maybe they're at dinner, they overhear a conversation. It's almost as though it's a vigil anti And what they'll do is they will vet the people who they think are cheating and then get the internet to do the work right, and these sorts of viral tick like, they go so viral because people, I mean, firstly, we know just from doing this podcast, people fucking hate cheating. If there's anything in this world that people hate, it is cheating and being cheated on, and people who cheat right like.

There is in clothes being like seven dollars.

Yeah, it's really expensive coffee, but there's absolutely no grace for it. And even times when we've had conversations around cheating on the podcast, we have received negative feedback forever, even having reasons to not to justify it, but to say that there's many shades of gray as to why people cheat.

Which I am going to double down on that, guys, and we'll talk about it. But cheating isn't black and white. I am going to say that come for me oday.

All right, but in the instance, okay, So there's one that I found the other day and I was like so drawn into the cesspool that it was the storyline. So it's put up by a woman whose TikTok handle is underscore. It's dot cac and it's called the Chatters Cheating.

Right.

So she was she was at a yeah, were good.

That was where it all started. That's why it went viral. So she was at a Cheddar's restaurant.

She was sitting in a booth with her wife, and she overheard a man sitting next to her having a conversation with a woman. Now she realized that he had a wedding ring on. The woman he was speaking to did not have a wedding ring on, and they were talking about, well, the conversation they were having was around how he was married, his wife was away, and how they'd been friends for twenty years but she had referred to him as her boyfriend.

So it's all very very suspicious. Have a little listen to this.

We're at the restaurant, were eating, We're at Cheddars.

Girl walks in, sits in the booths with sadus says, I'll have whatever she's drinking. I'll wait on my boyfriend. Ten minutes later, all who walks in, sits down there, chit chat and whatever. I noticed he's wearing a wedding ring.

I remember that. She says she's going on her boyfriend. So we hear him say that they've been.

Friends for a twenty years and how she can't wait to meet his daughter in a couple of weeks at Worlds of Fun. Apparently she's supposed to go to Kansas City. We have this all on recording. We recorded the whole thing. I mean, I don't know. It seemed like they were cheating, because well, why were you wearing a wedding ring?

You're her boyfriend, she's not.

I don't know.

It was just weird. I really don't know.

At this point, I was really just hoping somebody would see it no and it would just kind of be squashed. And then now here we are, so it's still all open in the air right now, I find anything else. I mean, I'm gonna let y'all know, but I'm not deleting the videos in case the life needs them. For whatever reason. So if you're the wife and you want them, you're more than welcome to them. But anyway, thanks for the support.

Thanks for the support. What a way.

So she's sat in this restaurant and she has filmed this man and woman. She has put their faces on TikTok for TikTok to do the work, and TikTok does the work. Don't get me wrong, Like people are such good investigators. Now, I have a few questions about this because on one hand, if I was in that situation and I genuinely thought a guy that was sitting at the table and his mistress were having an affair, I would be filled with some sort of rage. But there's so many conclusions that she has drawn without having the full picture, just from the little bits of information that she has heard. But she filmed him and put it on the internet, and I think that, like I mean, firstly the defamation part of that, but I think it really now to me feels as though some of these cheating expose's have gone beyond trying to do the right thing and like let the wife or the person who's being hurt in that relationship know, and it's actually all just for followers and content and engagement.

I have such a huge problem with this. I think that this is such an invasion of privacy and so disgusting, And there is no part of her that thinks she needs to go out there and be a woman's woman and save the world and figure out if they're cheating. She wants traction on TikTok, she wants Schwan's comments. Let's be really real here, that is what she wants. There is nothing that I heard in that conversation that screams cheating or affair. They've been friends for twenty years. I'd be looking forward to meeting my friend's kid of twenty years too.

No, I think there was like that's like the second video. The first video was definitely more damning, but funnily enough, even though she said she wasn't going to delete it, she did delete it, but I assume she deleted it because of defamation reasons. But the first video, you would assume from the storyline that there was cheating going on. But regardless of whether there is or isn't, I don't know. My question is is that is it a complete stranger's responsibility to hold up the moral compass for how people should be behaving.

But you're also making an assumption that they're in a monogamous relationship and it's cheating. Let's look at relationships right now in twenty twenty four. There is no quote unquote normal relationship. There are open relationships, there are semi open relationships. We had an interview here with a quad relationship for people in a relationship.

My god, please put that in the show.

Notes like Our Quarters is like two couples that came together and now they're or who live together and have babies altogether, and they.

Don't know who's the biological dads are because they decided for their relationship that they're all parents, so it didn't matter to them. But my point is you're making such a huge assumption there that you know everything about this relationship that it's wrong. Then the invasion of privacy to film their faces and film their conversation, a private conversation secretly and throw it on the internet so you can get some clout is not right for me.

Well, I think that comment section to me was pretty revelatory. Like the comment section was very divided. Some people are for it, some people are for the call out culture around cheating, and one of those comments was as a wife who was cheated on, thank you. I understand the wife might want to remain anonymous, but I felt like such a fool when I discovered my ex's affair. I was totally humiliated and so hurt. However, other people are like, mind your own business, so you put their lives on blasts without knowing if it was cheating or not, or if the wife even.

Wanted it to be public.

I feel so conflicted about this because I think that there are instances where this type of vigilante move and putting something on social media, especially if that if the wife or partner can have anonymity, can be helpful. But I do think because in so many instances this type of content has gone viral and it has been such a hugely engaged with piece of content people are now using opportunistically.

Yeah, and I want to be clear here, I mean it's very situational. I think that if it's the right situation and the right relationship, that it's something that you should do is let somebody know that maybe their spouse is cheating on them. Maybe if you know them, you know better than a stranger. At cheedtis cheese, which sounds like a terrible restaurant. I would never go to.

Chetis, but please don't sue us. So I'm sure you're great.

But what I think about here is if you don't know these people, you don't know the wife. You do not know what she would do with this information. But you've taken that away from her. If she found out that her partner was cheating on her. You don't know that they might want to keep that to themselves, that they might want to work through it, they might want to understand more about it. But you've taken that option from her. You have plasted it on the internet. You have made everyone in that town aware or in the state, in the city, however, viral TikTok goes, you have made everyone aware before her of what is happening or possibly happening in her.

Bid to try and find her.

And in your bid to find her, Like, do you think that that is the right thing to do, To take that choice from her and take what could maybe be a very private situation that could have been resolved, and, let's be real, humiliate her. That's what is going to do.

I don't know.

I feel maybe a little bit differently about it too. I don't have as strong feelings about it. I think that there are some instances where this can be positive. I don't think every instance is the same as this one. For example, there is a website it's actually a Facebook page, and they had them in all different cities around the world. But at SIS is this your man right. I've been part of the group for a long time. I've seen it work in negative ways and I've seen it work in really positive ways where it's been a tool to help women identify predatory men in their area. So, for example, some that might be put on sissus this your man would be a woman who's had a terrible experience with a person on online dating. And I think the thing that it is different for me, and what kind of stands out on that sort of Facebook account, is that if somebody posts and because it is kind of like dosing right, like, you could put up something that may not have validity to it, right. You could put up something and say this guy is such an asshole, or he did this, this, and this to me and fabricate a story, but it's actually the comments underneath that corroborate the story. So one that I saw not so long ago was a woman had posted a guy that she'd met with on online dating. She kind of wanted to know if anyone else had had any experiences with this man. And I think it was because she had gotten the feeling that maybe it was a bit off, like maybe he was a bit off, but she wasn't trusting her instincts. And so many women who had had really negative experiences with this man on online dating were like, oh my god, he's still around. He's still the same behavior. He stalked me for months. So I think in those instances it can be beneficial. But for me, it's about the reason why, Like why are you putting that out there?

What is it that you want to gain from it?

And do you actually genuinely want the person who has been cheated on or has been wronged to find out this information or are you doing it for likes and engagement.

I saw a version of this on one of those Facebook pages. There are other ones that are called like are we dating the same guy? Like they exist kind of across the world under different names, And I saw a version of this that I thought was the best version of how to do this for starters. It was in one of the Facebook groups, so it was a closed group. It was an anonymous post, so this person was absolutely not trying to get clout whatsoever. Put up a photo of a group of three men. Their caption was I was at They said the name of the hotel. I don't want to say it because I'll get kicked out of the group again. I was at this particular hotel on Sunday at three point thirty. And if this is your partner, the guy and she described what he was whearing.

I want you to reach out to me.

Because not only is he cheating on you, but the friends around him are enabling it.

They were speaking so negatively of you.

It made me feel sick to my stomach.

I did take a secret video of this so that I could show it to you. Please get in contact or, like, you know, find out who this is so that I'm able to send it to you, because I just feel so sorry for the horrible way that he is speaking about you. They were mocking you and the fact that you believed the stories that he was telling you when you know he was cheating on you. And I saw it and I was like, that's the best version of this I've ever seen, because that's someone who truly does actually want to go. You're being treated like shit, and I want you to know the truth so that you can stop being with this loser.

But even in saying that, I mean the outcome's still the same as what you say, Britt, You're still posting it online. The only way to find that person is by so many other people in her surrounding network to find her first.

And I think it's different when it's done like that, as opposed to fabricated story that this woman has made up in her head in cheddars. She's heard a few pieces of information and put a whole story together yeah films and without their consent and plastered it over TikTok with allegations like that. For me, I'm like, I'm sorry, but at a stretch mate.

Also, when you're over hearing conversation, you don't get full context, but I do. I do question though, if I was in a situation where I was sitting in a bar and I heard a guy talking about his wife or his girlfriend in a absolutely like revolting way, or he was disclosing information that I thought was truly problematic, what would I do? How would I get justice for that person who I felt had been wronged so much. Would I just go home at nighttime and go okay, Well, I know no idea who she is, nothing I can do about it, or would I feel compelled to try and do something.

I'm not sure. I've not been in that situation.

I definitely wouldn't make a mini series about it on TikTok, but I do think that there is something that would need to be done. You know, I wouldn't feel okay with just going home gone a bit.

I'd probably say something to him. To be honest, if I overheard someone talking like that about if they were sitting right next to me, plain as day, I would probably say something to them for sure.

That's an interesting point though. Do you think that if this becomes the norm, if so many people are added, if so many cheaters are added on social media, do you think that cheaters will think twice about cheating?

No, they'll just fuck No.

No, cheating has increased because of how easy it is to do, because of social media, because of online dating, like, cheating has certainly not decreased in time, and people's will to cheat hasn't changed. I just think people have found new creative ways to do it. That's all like back in the day, you don't have to go to a hotel and organize a time on your landline. And now you can find some hot chick on Instagram and slide into the dms, like the ease of cheating has become more accessible.

And also not wearing a ring like she wasn't wearing a ring. I always am not wearing my ring. I always would take my ring.

Off to go ign you very suspicious, but do you.

Know what I mean? And I have a lot of male friends. If I took my ring off because I went to the gym and then I went to lunch after I met my friend who I'm very close, We're the guy who's very good looking. I would hug him, hello, we are very close. Would probably hold hands across the table if we were like having a moment being like I'm so proud of you or whatever. If you were looking at I'm just trying to think of one particular friendship I have. If you were looking at us from the outside, you would one hundred percent think we were together. And if you didn't know me, well, but you knew sort of you know my situation, you'd probably be like is Brittany doing the dirty You would probably think the same thing.

Yeah, I wish I had the audio from the deleted tea took the very first one, because it definitely was more damning than just that. She was talking about how she had a husband named Travis and she was so happy that she wasn't in the situation that he was in having to break the news to him.

You know, So she's different, So there was more, That's what I'm saying.

It definitely had all of the ingredients to be a cheating situation. But I think regardless of whether it was interpreted poorly or not, the big question is is whether it's appropriate to blast someone else's personal life on a social media platform in the bid to find the person that you think has been wronged.

I think also if it's someone who has been cheated on, there would be an element of them exposing a different cheater, of getting a bit of justice for their own situation and getting a little bit of closure, of being like, I fucking wish that this happened to the person who did this to me and that they were humiliated publicly. I guess it depends on the intentions of the person who's creating the content. And that's such a hard thing to because you can have multiple intentions in the exact same situation. You can have the intention of wanting this person to face the music of their actions, but you can also kind of be like, I want to get a little bit of closure from when I was mistreated, and.

I remember, I mean, I guess if you're going to do it, commit to it. This is what I'm about to say.

But Brits comfortable circle. She's like, docks them.

No, because I know not. I still stand by what I stand by what I said. But I remember my psychopathics. I remember getting a DM from like a random account. It had obviously made the account to contact me. They didn't want to be known, and they were like, just want to let you know he's cheating on you whatever, and he was right, but I didn't know that, so you believed him. Well yeah, so I was. Well, I was like, okay, loser, like anonymous person. So I wrote back to her and I was like, oh, okay, cool, send me what you know. I don't want to say anymore. I'm like, so you've gone to the effort to just say, hey, your boyfriend's cheating And then that's it. When I've asked you any details, any facts to like corroborate the story, there's nothing. I guess My point is like, if you were going to go to that effort, do it like the story Keisha said where it's like, hey, like I wanted you to let you know this. I'm not going to humiliate you completely. I do have stuff if you want to talk to me privately and I'll help you figure out where. Because if that girl had actually spoken to me about what she knew and there was a bit of evidence, maybe I wouldn't have gone through the trauma that I went through.

For the next two years.

Yeah, but that's just an incredibly immature way to deal with that. We actually hadn't asked on cart not that long ago. Somebody got to car one day and found a note on the car and it was like, your boyfriend's cheating on you, And our advice in that instance was believe your boyfriend over a note that has no context. So my I mean, my advice is the same. It's the same thing we discussed on that ask gun cut. If you're going to tell someone that they've been cheated on, if you feel like you need to take the moral high road. Then you need to take the responsibility to give the information and you also need to take the responsibility to do the aftercare, because that person's life has just come crashing down, their identity, the things that they love, that what they thought they knew in that person, and you can't just drop that bomb and then not be there to make sure that they're okay.

It doesn't work like that.

I think, also, especially in Australia where we have such tight defamation laws, if you're gonna do this kind of thing, you want to be sure. You want to be absolutely sure that what you're posting is true, because if it's not and you've misinterpreted a situation and the person on the receiving end of it is able to prove that, you could face legal implications. I mean, most people are not going to go down that avenue, but it's possible, like you can potentially very much upend someone's life in this type of situation, and without all of the vacts you could get some wrong.

Well, who are you doing it for at the end of the day, that's the question. Okay, guys, accidentally unfiltered time and I did have a little cackle at this one on a meeting that was running five minutes over the expected time frame. I also want to mention it was a Friday afternoon at five pm.

Grim Now, thinking that I was on.

Mute, I said very loudly, hurry the fuck up, carrot.

Oh oh, And then I looked down and realized that.

No, I definitely was not on mute. The sound was definitely on, And to top it off, the meeting was recorded. I haven't had the courage to look it back yet.

Jesus Christ, what do you do?

So nothing, really, Karen, Nothing wouldn't be better, nothing.

Worse than someone who doesn't who doesn't stick to time.

But honestly, no, nothing worse.

And thinking that you're on mute.

That's happened to people before.

We've had a really good accually unfiltered where someone farted thinking that it's do you know what happens? So if you're on zoom or on FaceTime, and you know how you have like if you've got multiple people in the group. So you've got multiple people in the group, and then the person who's talking or making noise comes to the front. So this girl wrote in an accidentally unfiltered story thinking she was on mute, and she farted and her.

Face just came.

So there's no way of hiding where the fart came from.

Like, so it was only a few weeks ago. I think I told you guys, maybe maybe I did it. Maybe I was going to take it to the grave.

I'll tell them now anyway, But you know, I.

Don't pass wind in front of men. I don't wizpop.

We know, we know it's so.

So we're lead on FaceTime and we just FaceTime sometimes four hours doing nothing, Like we'll cook together. We don't always talk. He'll be doing his stuff because we just like to be in each other's presence and like when something comes, we'll chime in. Anyway. I don't know if I thought I was on mute. I don't know if I forgot I was on FaceTime. I don't know what happened in that moment, but I did have a lapse in judgment and I just let one rip and I just it just ripped, and it was not cute and it was not soft. I still didn't clock it. I let it rip, and then I hear this, did you just fight?

And I.

And my eyes were like what what?

No?

He's like, yes, you did. He's like, did you forget I was here? And then I didn't want to let him know that it was an accident, so I pretended I meant to, and.

I was like even dumber, so dumb.

I was like, I was like, yeah, I just I was like, yeah, I thought it was about time. Anyway. I was mortified.

So normally in our life, so uneventful, farts just like whatever.

Oh no, I remember every fart I've ever done.

It's as common as I love you.

In our household, we say simultaneously, we say I love you.

It is like the end of sentences. I'll be like, you know, I gotta go love you. Yeah, I love you is all the time. And that's as common as the farts are.

Well, then you need to eat some different food because farts shouldn't be that frequent.

People fart like forty times a day. What's the average time that people far? I'm going to look this up. It's very important information. Ten to twenty times a day? Do you average ten to twenty farts a day? Matt average is more by far you.

When you eat certain foods that are more difficult to digest, like beans or raw vegetables. Oh, Laura, posts MSG, Wow, you don't want I mean, India was not good to my guards.

Let me tell you it took me about three weeks to recover.

Sometimes Laura's like, you want to get tired tonight, and I'm like, no, oh, I know, well that's going to enos.

I'm up to google google ew all right, anyway, what is your suck and sweep for the week, Brittany Hogley.

My suck? Well, in light of Laura's week, I had a great week, Like, I don't want to contribute to a suck this week because you probably had the suckiest week that you've had.

All you you can still have a suck.

Nah, it's just so you can't compare your week too.

It sucks are not a competition, brute. We're not competing for the suck.

Were you in?

You win?

Yeah?

You're like, I had a really bad day and I'm like, well, my stepdad.

Died exactly, so we're not doing a suck this week. My suite this week would have to be the fact that I locked in my wedding week, like my wedding week, my wedding day.

But it is a week, so that festival of Brittany and Ben.

Yeah, yeah, and you're gonna cry.

I will cry for you.

Well, if you don't, I'll be upset.

I'll make sure that I'm front and center and I cry. I'll be right there.

It's going to be a lot, I think anyway. Anyway, that's my sweet.

All right, Well look, I also you guys know my suck for the week. But I do want to say my sweet. So Neil went into Bully Palliative Care. That was the hospital, so it's a specialist palliative care unit there, and the nurses were amazing. They were so caring, they were so empathetic. The whole way in which they run that unit there was just really really kind and I think it had families at the four front, and I for that am really grateful. I had one of the nurses from Bulat Hospital. She must be a listener to the podcast if you're listening. Thank you so much that she slipped into my DMS and the next day to say how sorry she was that Neil had passed away, and she didn't want to come and introduce herself because that would have HI.

I listened to your podcast.

Yeah, one of those I read the rooms.

It wasn't the time, but I really did appreciate the message the next day, and yeah, just how much they took such beautiful care of him.

And I'm sure they would love to hear that, like they would love to know that their work is appreciated, because it's it's hard.

Like what an amazing I know we had at hospital Nurse Julie on the podcast a couple of weeks ago, which is an incredible episode. If you miss that and you have anyone in your life who is going through terminal or is palliative impallative care, it's a truly amazing episode to listen to. But it takes a very special, unique person to work in that type of care because you deal with loss after loss after loss, and they must be just the most empathetic kind people because that's everything that we experienced.

It was amazing family's grief of the loss. Like there's a lot, so that's a really nice suite.

Yeah, yeah, and there was I mean, in the time that Neil was in there, there was like three people who'd passed away, So it's like a very I don't even know how they do it, I genuinely don't, but that was Look, that was a small little glimmer of a highlight in a very very sad week.

Well, we love you laws.

Yeah, and guys, go and check your prostates, literally if you have one. If you love the episode, leave a of you. Go watch it on YouTube. You know all the shit and the drill, and.

Tell your mum, te dad, tey, Doug, tea, friends, and share the love because we love love. Don't maybe do it on my own. I don't know. I was looking at you with like love eyes. I don't know why that was weird.

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Life Uncut

Talking all things love, life, lust, and a bunch of other stuff. Nothing is off limits in this podca 
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