This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

I'm Laura, I'm Brittany and producer Keisha keep that in what Laura just did at the start? Do you know what it sounded like, whiteladus. It was whiteloadus, wasn't and then it was the start of it.

I'm Laura, I'm Brittany and producer Keisha keep that in what Laura just did at the start? Do you know what it sounded like, whiteladus. It was whiteloadus, wasn't and then it was the start of it.

That's what all we need on a Monday, Okay, we all need the white list.

That's what all we need on a Monday, Okay, we all need the white list.

Do you know what Britt used to do before we would start episodes. Britt just to slap herself in the face to get herself in a mood back in the day, when you know, you would be tired, it was late at night. We would record at all hours to try and get this podcast out.

Do you know what Britt used to do before we would start episodes. Britt just to slap herself in the face to get herself in a mood back in the day, when you know, you would be tired, it was late at night. We would record at all hours to try and get this podcast out.

And it was.

And it was.

Especially when I was still working at the hospital and sometimes you'd been like on a twelve hour shift and it was eleven pm at night. I would literally slap myself in the face, not hard. I don't want people think.

Especially when I was still working at the hospital and sometimes you'd been like on a twelve hour shift and it was eleven pm at night. I would literally slap myself in the face, not hard. I don't want people think.

You know, like waking, Like yeah, it was a ritual, pre record ritual. Brit would slap herself. I would laugh at her, and then we were in the mood.

You know, like waking, Like yeah, it was a ritual, pre record ritual. Brit would slap herself. I would laugh at her, and then we were in the mood.

It was like I was psyching myself up. You'd think that I was like, say, about to go and performing in front of thousand of people. I was like, come on, you can do it, or like a football match or something, because like I was really pumping myself up like a fighter.

It was like I was psyching myself up. You'd think that I was like, say, about to go and performing in front of thousand of people. I was like, come on, you can do it, or like a football match or something, because like I was really pumping myself up like a fighter.

I'm not sure if there's any Olympics or there was a coach that did that to the fighter and people all across the world were like, that's not okay, Well a coach.

I'm not sure if there's any Olympics or there was a coach that did that to the fighter and people all across the world were like, that's not okay, Well a coach.

The coach slapped the fighter. Yeah, but it probably is.

The coach slapped the fighter. Yeah, but it probably is.

It is okay if your job is about to be punched in the face, that's different. It's not like they're going in for promotion and then boss slaps across the face.

It is okay if your job is about to be punched in the face, that's different. It's not like they're going in for promotion and then boss slaps across the face.

That's just part of the warm up.

That's just part of the warm up.

It's not Britt slapping me in the facesha edit better slap you Like if you're a fighter, that would get you psyched because you want them to be angry and you want them to be fired up.

It's not Britt slapping me in the facesha edit better slap you Like if you're a fighter, that would get you psyched because you want them to be angry and you want them to be fired up.

Not saying that any violence is okay, but when your job is violence, it hits different.

Not saying that any violence is okay, but when your job is violence, it hits different.

So just so you guys do know, we are having a holiday very shortly, and this episode has been recorded in the EFFA. Actually it's just been pre recorded because Britt is on her way to Italy to go and spend some time with Bed.

So just so you guys do know, we are having a holiday very shortly, and this episode has been recorded in the EFFA. Actually it's just been pre recorded because Britt is on her way to Italy to go and spend some time with Bed.

I'm not on my way, I'm there. I'm Orgasmine as we speak, I hope.

I'm not on my way, I'm there. I'm Orgasmine as we speak, I hope.

So why is that where you always take it.

So why is that where you always take it.

To Because I don't have sex for three months at a time, and then that's what I'm going to be doing. And we're all about having an unfiltered chat here. If you guys think I'm doing anything other than that, you cook.

To Because I don't have sex for three months at a time, and then that's what I'm going to be doing. And we're all about having an unfiltered chat here. If you guys think I'm doing anything other than that, you cook.

We'll also just keep in mind that whilst you're listening to this brute is mid orgasm, I'm having a home likely.

We'll also just keep in mind that whilst you're listening to this brute is mid orgasm, I'm having a home likely.

Not just I also am not for what I will say, it's I'm a very family person. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to it. But my sister Sherry Jay and baby Maya are going to come and visit.

Not just I also am not for what I will say, it's I'm a very family person. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to it. But my sister Sherry Jay and baby Maya are going to come and visit.

The family shouldn't be included in that bridge. Y, Well, what.

The family shouldn't be included in that bridge. Y, Well, what.

The problem is. Ben's always had like a two bedroom apartment with two bathrooms, and it's quite big and it's been great, but he's now moved into a one bedroom apartment because he had no time to find it. One bedroom, one bathroom, and the spare room is just a sofa bed in the lounge. The lounge pulls out. So this is a very small, intimate apartment. So now I'm like, do I just shout them in airbanb Do I put them up somewhere?

The problem is. Ben's always had like a two bedroom apartment with two bathrooms, and it's quite big and it's been great, but he's now moved into a one bedroom apartment because he had no time to find it. One bedroom, one bathroom, and the spare room is just a sofa bed in the lounge. The lounge pulls out. So this is a very small, intimate apartment. So now I'm like, do I just shout them in airbanb Do I put them up somewhere?

Surely if they're coming for a holiday, they can get themselves in it. It just they don't have to stay in the apartment if the apartment not adequately sized. Also, they have a baby, they probably don't want to stay in the apartment.

Surely if they're coming for a holiday, they can get themselves in it. It just they don't have to stay in the apartment if the apartment not adequately sized. Also, they have a baby, they probably don't want to stay in the apartment.

It's just really expensive over there. So you always offer, right, I'm always like, of course you guys can, Like they're already paying one thousand bus sea don't. I was like, you guys are so welcome to stay on the tiny pullout sofa in the one bedroom apartment.

It's just really expensive over there. So you always offer, right, I'm always like, of course you guys can, Like they're already paying one thousand bus sea don't. I was like, you guys are so welcome to stay on the tiny pullout sofa in the one bedroom apartment.

Come would you give up the main room for them?

Come would you give up the main room for them?

Would be ridiculous? How would I do that? I think that I think that they're going to do half half because Sheridan was like, look, we won't stay. We know what you guys are going to be doing and no one needs to hear that, And I was like, no, that's ridiculous. Family comes first. No, actually I come first, then the family comes second. But I was like, why don't we do half half? Stay a couple of days with us? Because I also want maybe mightac to be at my disposal twenty four to seven, Like I want to have access to it whenever I want. But I was like, why don't you do three days with us and then three days in and their baby? So I think that's the happy medium.

Would be ridiculous? How would I do that? I think that I think that they're going to do half half because Sheridan was like, look, we won't stay. We know what you guys are going to be doing and no one needs to hear that, And I was like, no, that's ridiculous. Family comes first. No, actually I come first, then the family comes second. But I was like, why don't we do half half? Stay a couple of days with us? Because I also want maybe mightac to be at my disposal twenty four to seven, Like I want to have access to it whenever I want. But I was like, why don't you do three days with us and then three days in and their baby? So I think that's the happy medium.

Well, this is I mean in terms of what we have coming up for you guys. So we still have an episode coming out on Wednesday, and then we are taking one week off for Easter break and we'll be back to normal programming after that. So I mean, is a way having a wonderful time. I hopefully, if things work out and stars align, will be able to spend my first week down at the house we've been renovating down the South coast. So that's cross Yeah, I'm really like, I'm so looking forward to it. It all depends on furniture deliveries, so like fingers crossed, that freedom comes through with like the delivery on time.

Well, this is I mean in terms of what we have coming up for you guys. So we still have an episode coming out on Wednesday, and then we are taking one week off for Easter break and we'll be back to normal programming after that. So I mean, is a way having a wonderful time. I hopefully, if things work out and stars align, will be able to spend my first week down at the house we've been renovating down the South coast. So that's cross Yeah, I'm really like, I'm so looking forward to it. It all depends on furniture deliveries, so like fingers crossed, that freedom comes through with like the delivery on time.

Well, you can't just go and lay on the ground, Well yeah, that's.

Well, you can't just go and lay on the ground, Well yeah, that's.

Kind of what we'll be doing otherwise. So oping in a house yeah, but you kind of need at least a couch or a bed or something like a chair. There's literally the house is barren and we have all the furniture arriving at one time, so it's still touch and go at the moment as to whether that's going to happen. But that is the plan for our little easter break.

Kind of what we'll be doing otherwise. So oping in a house yeah, but you kind of need at least a couch or a bed or something like a chair. There's literally the house is barren and we have all the furniture arriving at one time, so it's still touch and go at the moment as to whether that's going to happen. But that is the plan for our little easter break.

Do you know what my parents told me all the time growing up? These are these stories that come from your parents where they're like, I walked three kilometers in the snow to get to school. I all will never forget my dad and my mum saying that they had a ladder in their house for nearly two years and that they had like camp furniture because they were building a house and they couldn't afford furniture as well. And I guess times have changed so much because now we can get furniture for so cheap.

Do you know what my parents told me all the time growing up? These are these stories that come from your parents where they're like, I walked three kilometers in the snow to get to school. I all will never forget my dad and my mum saying that they had a ladder in their house for nearly two years and that they had like camp furniture because they were building a house and they couldn't afford furniture as well. And I guess times have changed so much because now we can get furniture for so cheap.

It just might not be good furniture totally.

It just might not be good furniture totally.

But I always picture them and I'm like, how did you live for two years like that?

But I always picture them and I'm like, how did you live for two years like that?

Like, surely you've.

Like, surely you've.

Added so much mayo to it? You know that's an exaggeration. It's like when yeah, exactly like you said, and I walked to school with no shoes. Yeah, thanks mum.

Added so much mayo to it? You know that's an exaggeration. It's like when yeah, exactly like you said, and I walked to school with no shoes. Yeah, thanks mum.

So maybe you can just have camp chairs for two weeks and teach the.

So maybe you can just have camp chairs for two weeks and teach the.

Girls what it's like to live in a little bit less comfortable situation.

Girls what it's like to live in a little bit less comfortable situation.

They like, yeah, we'll tell them that we're glamping. But anyway, guys, we're here to answer your questions for asking. Cut before we do that. It is vibes and unsubscribes. Britt, What is your Vibe for the Week?

They like, yeah, we'll tell them that we're glamping. But anyway, guys, we're here to answer your questions for asking. Cut before we do that. It is vibes and unsubscribes. Britt, What is your Vibe for the Week?

My Vibe for the Week is a podcast. It's a podcast by BBC. It's hosted by two people, one girl named Hannah and she's the victim and then coincidentally her stepmom growing up like her parents are split, but her stepmum but a stepmum's a journalist and the podcast is called Stalked and it's her Hannah telling the story herself about her experience with exactly that this stalker but it is so extreme and went for so many years, is and completely infiltrated her life, like this person that stalked her and she was trying to figure out who it was, right, she had this guy that became a bit obsessed with her. But then stalkers came separately and they were presented to her as people that were hacking into her phone, following her around, writing to her like they know everything about her and she's trying to piece together who it is, and she's trying to piece together in her life who it could be. And it's her trying to figure out if these people that are stalking her online the same people that she had issues with in real life, but it's different because she's telling the story from her experience.

My Vibe for the Week is a podcast. It's a podcast by BBC. It's hosted by two people, one girl named Hannah and she's the victim and then coincidentally her stepmom growing up like her parents are split, but her stepmum but a stepmum's a journalist and the podcast is called Stalked and it's her Hannah telling the story herself about her experience with exactly that this stalker but it is so extreme and went for so many years, is and completely infiltrated her life, like this person that stalked her and she was trying to figure out who it was, right, she had this guy that became a bit obsessed with her. But then stalkers came separately and they were presented to her as people that were hacking into her phone, following her around, writing to her like they know everything about her and she's trying to piece together who it is, and she's trying to piece together in her life who it could be. And it's her trying to figure out if these people that are stalking her online the same people that she had issues with in real life, but it's different because she's telling the story from her experience.

Does this have sort of like a hybrid between being catfish and stalk because it sounds like it has some similarities to Sweet Bobby sort.

Does this have sort of like a hybrid between being catfish and stalk because it sounds like it has some similarities to Sweet Bobby sort.

Of she knows this, and I don't want to give too much away. She knows the person very intimately over years, they're actually friends. But the catfishing comes from eventually him not being who he said he was, but that takes years to discover, and the lengths that he goes to to pretend his life is one thing when it's not is so extreme, But it's them figuring out over the years and putting the pieces together. But hearing the story from her point of view, she's very educated, she's very well spoken. Her showing how the wool was pulled over her eyes and how extreme it was. I just found it really fascinating, and I liked that their two hosts had this connection as well. It was a great listen. Yeah, so that's BBC podcast anywhere you get your podcasts, but it's called stalk.

Of she knows this, and I don't want to give too much away. She knows the person very intimately over years, they're actually friends. But the catfishing comes from eventually him not being who he said he was, but that takes years to discover, and the lengths that he goes to to pretend his life is one thing when it's not is so extreme, But it's them figuring out over the years and putting the pieces together. But hearing the story from her point of view, she's very educated, she's very well spoken. Her showing how the wool was pulled over her eyes and how extreme it was. I just found it really fascinating, and I liked that their two hosts had this connection as well. It was a great listen. Yeah, so that's BBC podcast anywhere you get your podcasts, but it's called stalk.

How many episodes is it?

How many episodes is it?

It's seven episodes?

It's seven episodes?

Awesome, Yeah, my vibe this week.

Awesome, Yeah, my vibe this week.

I feel like sometimes my vibes can be really like thought provoking, and then for a couple of weeks in a row, I fall into these categories where they are just such simple, basic things that I'm like, I don't know if this is too low bra.

I feel like sometimes my vibes can be really like thought provoking, and then for a couple of weeks in a row, I fall into these categories where they are just such simple, basic things that I'm like, I don't know if this is too low bra.

I like the pendulum between really really insightful to totally basic. Bitch. I think we're all here for.

I like the pendulum between really really insightful to totally basic. Bitch. I think we're all here for.

It, but there's no I think there's no right or wrong. We can be basic, we can be well smart, not right now insightful.

It, but there's no I think there's no right or wrong. We can be basic, we can be well smart, not right now insightful.

We can It is a contour legacy, cool gel leg pillow.

We can It is a contour legacy, cool gel leg pillow.

What the hell key shark?

What the hell key shark?

I got it from? Just got from the post I got it from the post office.

I got it from? Just got from the post I got it from the post office.

When you go to the post office, they have so many knickknacks that I am like, never ever thought I would need that.

When you go to the post office, they have so many knickknacks that I am like, never ever thought I would need that.

That's the best thing I've ever purchased the post office.

That's the best thing I've ever purchased the post office.

The shopping experience at the post office has no rhyme or reason. I find it the most confusing thing that's ever existed. It's like there'll be some sort of neck massage pillow next to a moneybox, yes, next to a plate that's got Peter Rabbit on it, and you're like, what is going on here? I use all of those items, but I bought every single one. I didn't know I needed that.

The shopping experience at the post office has no rhyme or reason. I find it the most confusing thing that's ever existed. It's like there'll be some sort of neck massage pillow next to a moneybox, yes, next to a plate that's got Peter Rabbit on it, and you're like, what is going on here? I use all of those items, but I bought every single one. I didn't know I needed that.

That's exactly what happens to me.

That's exactly what happens to me.

It's such a lottery and I get so excited by the randomness of it. So I saw this one when I was in line for you know, the post office. I was returning a package and it was thirty five dollars and I was like, you know what, I really reckon that my back could do with a leg pillow and.

It's such a lottery and I get so excited by the randomness of it. So I saw this one when I was in line for you know, the post office. I was returning a package and it was thirty five dollars and I was like, you know what, I really reckon that my back could do with a leg pillow and.

It is fan tass, Please describe me what it is again? Sorry, be cooling. What It's a.

It is fan tass, Please describe me what it is again? Sorry, be cooling. What It's a.

Cool gel leg pillow. She has a very hot house.

Cool gel leg pillow. She has a very hot house.

It's hot.

It's hot.

It's shaped.

It's shaped.

I want you to imagine like the size of your head, but in like a kind of a triangle, and one side of it is higher than the rest, so it's contoured downwards, but it's also contoured so that it goes.

I want you to imagine like the size of your head, but in like a kind of a triangle, and one side of it is higher than the rest, so it's contoured downwards, but it's also contoured so that it goes.

In between your knees.

In between your knees.

If you're a side sleeper, so it kind of like you sleep on the side and It goes in between your knees so that your hips are kept in a good position, and.

If you're a side sleeper, so it kind of like you sleep on the side and It goes in between your knees so that your hips are kept in a good position, and.

It's really good if you get lower back page. How come you do because I just I do that every night. But I just put a pill in my legs. Do you need a cooling triangle inclined whirl leg? I have all of the above.

It's really good if you get lower back page. How come you do because I just I do that every night. But I just put a pill in my legs. Do you need a cooling triangle inclined whirl leg? I have all of the above.

I have tried so many different variations of this. I've tried like a body pillow.

I have tried so many different variations of this. I've tried like a body pillow.

I even looked into getting a maternity one at one point, but they're really expensive.

I even looked into getting a maternity one at one point, but they're really expensive.

Yeah, but maternity pillows are lit. They are absolutely lit, and once you've had one, you will never go back to normal sleeping.

Yeah, but maternity pillows are lit. They are absolutely lit, and once you've had one, you will never go back to normal sleeping.

That's how I feel about a knee pillown now. So this one with thirty five dollars it is. The brand is Contour. They've got different variations. Some have cooling gell in them, some don't. I don't know if you're a hot sleeper or not.

That's how I feel about a knee pillown now. So this one with thirty five dollars it is. The brand is Contour. They've got different variations. Some have cooling gell in them, some don't. I don't know if you're a hot sleeper or not.

Mine has the cool gel.

Mine has the cool gel.

It goes in between my knees and it is fantastic.

It goes in between my knees and it is fantastic.

This to me is the type of thing. It's so nicknacky that I would buy it, use it for a week, and then it would sit on my side table. I'd never use it again. Yeah, Like I'm the queen of buying gadgets that then get discarded, and that, to me is what this.

This to me is the type of thing. It's so nicknacky that I would buy it, use it for a week, and then it would sit on my side table. I'd never use it again. Yeah, Like I'm the queen of buying gadgets that then get discarded, and that, to me is what this.

Is, even the good gadgets. Like we both did it. Remember when we bought the face mask.

Is, even the good gadgets. Like we both did it. Remember when we bought the face mask.

I was literally about to say the omni Lux, the Omnilux red light mask is actually amazing. It works really well. The problem is that you have to be consistent with it.

I was literally about to say the omni Lux, the Omnilux red light mask is actually amazing. It works really well. The problem is that you have to be consistent with it.

I go hard for like a couple of months, then don't use it for six months.

I go hard for like a couple of months, then don't use it for six months.

I am not consistent with anything in my life that requires any iota of effort. I just bought this this thing recently. It's called a body sculpt because I was getting slammed by the ads. So you go in the shower and you massage. It's like for your cell. Yeah, so you have to, but the problem is you've got to do it each body part for five minutes a day, and.

I am not consistent with anything in my life that requires any iota of effort. I just bought this this thing recently. It's called a body sculpt because I was getting slammed by the ads. So you go in the shower and you massage. It's like for your cell. Yeah, so you have to, but the problem is you've got to do it each body part for five minutes a day, and.

I want that time.

I want that time.

As soon as I read the instructions on the back, I was like, oh, I'll never do that.

As soon as I read the instructions on the back, I was like, oh, I'll never do that.

And you only usually shower your feet. You don't even get in the shower.

And you only usually shower your feet. You don't even get in the shower.

So literally only have a five minute shower. That would be like spending twenty five mini footbath.

So literally only have a five minute shower. That would be like spending twenty five mini footbath.

That's about it. You're screwed. But those feet have no cellul had on them.

That's about it. You're screwed. But those feet have no cellul had on them.

My feet are great. All right. Look, I have a recommendation for all of the people who are really into their plant content. I'm back in my plant era.

My feet are great. All right. Look, I have a recommendation for all of the people who are really into their plant content. I'm back in my plant era.

Even that wasn't consistent, so you didn't leave it.

Even that wasn't consistent, so you didn't leave it.

I have never left it, but I did shut up about it on the podcast for a while. But I'm back.

I have never left it, but I did shut up about it on the podcast for a while. But I'm back.

I over.

I over.

I'm here for anyone who wants help with keeping their indoor plants alive. There is a genuinely fantastic Instagram account. It's called Sydney Plant Guy. He has five hundred and forty three thousand followers, So there's a lot of people out there who like plants. Basically, if you are wanting to grow like marijuana.

I'm here for anyone who wants help with keeping their indoor plants alive. There is a genuinely fantastic Instagram account. It's called Sydney Plant Guy. He has five hundred and forty three thousand followers, So there's a lot of people out there who like plants. Basically, if you are wanting to grow like marijuana.

Yeah, is that why he's so popular.

Yeah, is that why he's so popular.

He's got a whole farm if you want to grow hydroponics. No, Like sometimes indoor plants are very very hard to grow in terms of like having them look as flourishing as what they do when they're outside where a plant should be right, Like, a plant will grow in a crack in the sidewalk better than what it will grow inside your house.

He's got a whole farm if you want to grow hydroponics. No, Like sometimes indoor plants are very very hard to grow in terms of like having them look as flourishing as what they do when they're outside where a plant should be right, Like, a plant will grow in a crack in the sidewalk better than what it will grow inside your house.

My olive tree inside is thriving yeah, the plastic one.

My olive tree inside is thriving yeah, the plastic one.

But this is like, I mean for anyone who has like this sounds so niche, but I'm going to lean in if you have a variegated monsterra or you have plants that are expensive that are really hard to take care of but really also challenging to flourish. I found this instagram. I came across it and like, he is so helpful with ways in which to better like structure them so that they can grow in a way that they would naturally, but do it indoors and it's fantastic, Like it's really easy plant care tips, and I highly recommend it if you're a plant galley.

But this is like, I mean for anyone who has like this sounds so niche, but I'm going to lean in if you have a variegated monsterra or you have plants that are expensive that are really hard to take care of but really also challenging to flourish. I found this instagram. I came across it and like, he is so helpful with ways in which to better like structure them so that they can grow in a way that they would naturally, but do it indoors and it's fantastic, Like it's really easy plant care tips, and I highly recommend it if you're a plant galley.

You know, you never really pinpoint the moment that you're old, do you Like, there's not a moment.

You know, you never really pinpoint the moment that you're old, do you Like, there's not a moment.

But all the cooling gel nice, I'm sane.

But all the cooling gel nice, I'm sane.

It's like all of a sudden, it just happens. Like even a couple of days ago, I couldn't believe how much I got off on the fact that I changed my living room around. I moved my lounge and I was like, oh, this is so good. And I was like this, she's the most exciting thing that happened with this week. You've got a leg cooling pillow and you're fur offing a plant. I was like, when did it happen? When was the transition where we were like, oh, we're in this era now.

It's like all of a sudden, it just happens. Like even a couple of days ago, I couldn't believe how much I got off on the fact that I changed my living room around. I moved my lounge and I was like, oh, this is so good. And I was like this, she's the most exciting thing that happened with this week. You've got a leg cooling pillow and you're fur offing a plant. I was like, when did it happen? When was the transition where we were like, oh, we're in this era now.

Yeah, I don't hate this era though, I'm okay with that. I don't hate it off and my house plans are really happy about it too.

Yeah, I don't hate this era though, I'm okay with that. I don't hate it off and my house plans are really happy about it too.

Guys, Okay, let's give him to the questions, Oh, what's his instagram?

Guys, Okay, let's give him to the questions, Oh, what's his instagram?

Sydney plant guy, Sydney plant guy, go and give him a follow, Okay. Question number one, Hi, ladies, my husband's mum has his location settings on, so basically she's able to track him at all times. She isn't necessarily controlling or making a big deal about it, but I often hear us saying things like, oh, I saw you were at the pub the other night, or why will you work on a Saturday. It makes me feel a certain way. Question mark, question mark, question mark. I just find it super odd. But it feels like I can't really just ask him to turn off, because then she's gonna ask questions and I don't want it to come back on to me. I guess my question is am I being ridiculous to be annoyed by the fact that my husband shares his location settings his mother.

Sydney plant guy, Sydney plant guy, go and give him a follow, Okay. Question number one, Hi, ladies, my husband's mum has his location settings on, so basically she's able to track him at all times. She isn't necessarily controlling or making a big deal about it, but I often hear us saying things like, oh, I saw you were at the pub the other night, or why will you work on a Saturday. It makes me feel a certain way. Question mark, question mark, question mark. I just find it super odd. But it feels like I can't really just ask him to turn off, because then she's gonna ask questions and I don't want it to come back on to me. I guess my question is am I being ridiculous to be annoyed by the fact that my husband shares his location settings his mother.

This is funny. I have like two feelings about this one. I'm a true crime girl. I think it's important that someone knows where you are at all times.

This is funny. I have like two feelings about this one. I'm a true crime girl. I think it's important that someone knows where you are at all times.

Just in case her husband shows up in a bin if his disappears.

Just in case her husband shows up in a bin if his disappears.

Yep, I think it's important.

Yep, I think it's important.

That everyone grim Sorry, that's terrible to take that.

That everyone grim Sorry, that's terrible to take that.

I really like, is that how you would end someone's life.

I really like, is that how you would end someone's life.

Put it in a bin?

Put it in a bin?

My brain was like el No, I do think it's important and it's not the end of the world. Do I think it's strange that he shares his location with his mom? Probably not normal, not out of control. Do I think it's weird that she constantly checks it? Yes, the fact that she knows he was at the pub or at work. Like Ben and I share location, I have not checked it once. I know it's there, I do not check it. The fact that she's like tapping in and out on the daily to see what he's doing where he's at is a bit of a like there is something that needs to be let go.

My brain was like el No, I do think it's important and it's not the end of the world. Do I think it's strange that he shares his location with his mom? Probably not normal, not out of control. Do I think it's weird that she constantly checks it? Yes, the fact that she knows he was at the pub or at work. Like Ben and I share location, I have not checked it once. I know it's there, I do not check it. The fact that she's like tapping in and out on the daily to see what he's doing where he's at is a bit of a like there is something that needs to be let go.

My question here is is does your husband share his location settings with you or only with his mom? Is he like h He's like nah, babe, I'm not going to share this, but hey, mummy, I'm going to be at the pub on Friday, hear me out. I think the reason why he shared it is because it's so not a big deal to him, Like he just doesn't care. Obviously she's asked for it, It's been shared at some point for whatever reason. He's never turned off, and he just doesn't care that his mom can see where he is because it's not a big deal to him. It is, And I agree with you, brit super weird. She checked that she checks, and that she could going. You've got to actively choose that. You're like, hey, let's see where he is at.

My question here is is does your husband share his location settings with you or only with his mom? Is he like h He's like nah, babe, I'm not going to share this, but hey, mummy, I'm going to be at the pub on Friday, hear me out. I think the reason why he shared it is because it's so not a big deal to him, Like he just doesn't care. Obviously she's asked for it, It's been shared at some point for whatever reason. He's never turned off, and he just doesn't care that his mom can see where he is because it's not a big deal to him. It is, And I agree with you, brit super weird. She checked that she checks, and that she could going. You've got to actively choose that. You're like, hey, let's see where he is at.

The moment, and then you go into the setting.

The moment, and then you go into the setting.

But also it's weird, but it's also could be just harmless, Like she might be bored, she might be lonely, Like that might be her way of creating conversation. You know, he might not caller enough, and it's her way of being like, oh, I saw that you were at the pub on Saturday, Like how was your night? You know, it might be her way of trying to stimulate some sort of deeper connection with him.

But also it's weird, but it's also could be just harmless, Like she might be bored, she might be lonely, Like that might be her way of creating conversation. You know, he might not caller enough, and it's her way of being like, oh, I saw that you were at the pub on Saturday, Like how was your night? You know, it might be her way of trying to stimulate some sort of deeper connection with him.

I think we know what her attachment style is, which what is it attached.

I think we know what her attachment style is, which what is it attached.

But I mean, I understand that you feel a certain way about it because it is a bit weird that I don't think that you should necessarily be annoyed by it.

But I mean, I understand that you feel a certain way about it because it is a bit weird that I don't think that you should necessarily be annoyed by it.

No, it's one of those it will cause more harm than good. If you say, hey, turn your location settings off your mum because she checks it every day, obviously she's going to be like, why did you turn your location settings off? There's no answer other than I don't want you to know where I am or it's weird, like there's nothing that unless she's showing up to where he is, then I think you just have to leave it.

No, it's one of those it will cause more harm than good. If you say, hey, turn your location settings off your mum because she checks it every day, obviously she's going to be like, why did you turn your location settings off? There's no answer other than I don't want you to know where I am or it's weird, like there's nothing that unless she's showing up to where he is, then I think you just have to leave it.

Would you have the conversation with your partner though, and be like, hey, is it odd that?

Would you have the conversation with your partner though, and be like, hey, is it odd that?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Like, would you at least have that conversation so you both can be in the same page, like Wendi to say like, hey, that is weird that mom does that. But you know, at least it's then you against the mom together. It's not like him and the mum being like, oh here share my location, SWEETI pie come over for dinner.

Like, would you at least have that conversation so you both can be in the same page, like Wendi to say like, hey, that is weird that mom does that. But you know, at least it's then you against the mom together. It's not like him and the mum being like, oh here share my location, SWEETI pie come over for dinner.

What happens If he doesn't think it's weird.

What happens If he doesn't think it's weird.

Then you well, I don't know, I know, that's a whole different story.

Then you well, I don't know, I know, that's a whole different story.

No, I think that's leaning into like the same way Matt doesn't think it's weird to put his head on Ellie's lap and get head pats. Like some people are attached to their mom and they don't think it's weird.

No, I think that's leaning into like the same way Matt doesn't think it's weird to put his head on Ellie's lap and get head pats. Like some people are attached to their mom and they don't think it's weird.

Okay, a bit of context, we've heard it.

Okay, a bit of context, we've heard it.

We've all heard.

We've all heard.

Okay, a bit of text around this is like what is and what doesn't constitute overstepping the line for a parent child relationship, right, we're talking about it on the radio the other day. And like Matt has an incredibly close relationship with his mom. We obviously live with his mom. Yeah, And like Ellie, Ellie is incredible. She like does our washing for us. I come home, She's cooked us in. Like she is a mum in every sense of the word, still to us, even though we are fully grown adults and very capable of doing things ourselves.

Okay, a bit of text around this is like what is and what doesn't constitute overstepping the line for a parent child relationship, right, we're talking about it on the radio the other day. And like Matt has an incredibly close relationship with his mom. We obviously live with his mom. Yeah, And like Ellie, Ellie is incredible. She like does our washing for us. I come home, She's cooked us in. Like she is a mum in every sense of the word, still to us, even though we are fully grown adults and very capable of doing things ourselves.

I love it. You're in it now, you're like us. She's she's done.

I love it. You're in it now, you're like us. She's she's done.

She just like she's so generous and she takes such good care of us, and she's a care that's like what she was put on the earth to do. She has five children, she loves giving.

She just like she's so generous and she takes such good care of us, and she's a care that's like what she was put on the earth to do. She has five children, she loves giving.

And she's a teacher, so she loves like. I say that because I think that says a lot about the person you are.

And she's a teacher, so she loves like. I say that because I think that says a lot about the person you are.

Yeah, and also like, Okay, so this might be weird for some people because they probably don't have this relationship with their mother in laws. But like, I'll come home from work if Ellie's in her bedroom and I want to come and have a conversation with her, Like, I'll come and crawl up and lay next her in bed and we'll have a chat, you know, Like to me, that's so that's where our relationship is at. Matt is the same, or like if we're all sitting on the couch, this is the thing that Britt was like, your husband's are fucking weirdo, So we're all laying on the couch or sitting on the couch. If I'm like, I'm not giving you a head rub, Matt will just lay down and put his head on Ellie's lap and be like, mom, Mom, rubbed my head. M rub my head.

Yeah, and also like, Okay, so this might be weird for some people because they probably don't have this relationship with their mother in laws. But like, I'll come home from work if Ellie's in her bedroom and I want to come and have a conversation with her, Like, I'll come and crawl up and lay next her in bed and we'll have a chat, you know, Like to me, that's so that's where our relationship is at. Matt is the same, or like if we're all sitting on the couch, this is the thing that Britt was like, your husband's are fucking weirdo, So we're all laying on the couch or sitting on the couch. If I'm like, I'm not giving you a head rub, Matt will just lay down and put his head on Ellie's lap and be like, mom, Mom, rubbed my head. M rub my head.

I forgot. Keisha hasn't heard this weird or not weird. Keish as just be honest, because I was honest, Be honest.

I forgot. Keisha hasn't heard this weird or not weird. Keish as just be honest, because I was honest, Be honest.

He'll get a head massage from his mom because I don't want to do it in her lap.

He'll get a head massage from his mom because I don't want to do it in her lap.

I just want to replay it to you so you can hear it. How we hear it.

I just want to replay it to you so you can hear it. How we hear it.

He's turned to you for affection.

He's turned to you for affection.

You haven't provided it, so he's just flipped onto the other side to get it from his mother.

You haven't provided it, so he's just flipped onto the other side to get it from his mother.

That's fine. Hey, you can give him a blowjob as well.

That's fine. Hey, you can give him a blowjob as well.

Ellie, I'm tired, Just be dry. It was so funny. There are there are some common people in the comments that were like, look, we get the affection. Think it's okay. Everyone needs affection. Why does his head have to be in a lap? People are like, why does it have to be laid down with his head anyway?

Ellie, I'm tired, Just be dry. It was so funny. There are there are some common people in the comments that were like, look, we get the affection. Think it's okay. Everyone needs affection. Why does his head have to be in a lap? People are like, why does it have to be laid down with his head anyway?

This isn't about Matt, say, I'm not. Before we do move on, I know that that probably is weird to a lot of people who don't live with their mother in lawa and have like that level of closeness. There is no part of their relationship that I look at and think is weird. I literally look at their relationship and think it is the most aspirational relationship for a mother and son to have. He has so much respect for his mum, and she totally understands where my boundaries are at in terms of everything.

This isn't about Matt, say, I'm not. Before we do move on, I know that that probably is weird to a lot of people who don't live with their mother in lawa and have like that level of closeness. There is no part of their relationship that I look at and think is weird. I literally look at their relationship and think it is the most aspirational relationship for a mother and son to have. He has so much respect for his mum, and she totally understands where my boundaries are at in terms of everything.

Put your head in your dad's lap, friand Messa.

Put your head in your dad's lap, friand Messa.

Yeah, but we don't have that.

Yeah, but we don't have that.

It's just the people who are weird about this are like no, I could never imagine because I don't have that relationship ship.

It's just the people who are weird about this are like no, I could never imagine because I don't have that relationship ship.

You know, I would never lay down on my dad's lt and be like Massa like my it's just not quite right.

You know, I would never lay down on my dad's lt and be like Massa like my it's just not quite right.

Anyway, let's move back to this. There's nothing you can do about it unless it's actually infiltrating your life to the point that she's turning up. I think exactly like you said, Laura, it could just be a way for her to connect with her son, to have something to talk about, to make sure he's safe.

Anyway, let's move back to this. There's nothing you can do about it unless it's actually infiltrating your life to the point that she's turning up. I think exactly like you said, Laura, it could just be a way for her to connect with her son, to have something to talk about, to make sure he's safe.

She might be lonely.

She might be lonely.

She might be lonely, but not even that. There are a lot of parents that have trouble letting go. It can be a really hard thing, and she one hundred percent has not let go. It's not necessarily bad. You can't ask her to not check in on him. You can't ask him to turn his location settings off. I believe I think that's just gonna cause chaos.

She might be lonely, but not even that. There are a lot of parents that have trouble letting go. It can be a really hard thing, and she one hundred percent has not let go. It's not necessarily bad. You can't ask her to not check in on him. You can't ask him to turn his location settings off. I believe I think that's just gonna cause chaos.

You definitely can't ask her not to check in. You could ask your husband to turn off sharing his location settings. The only thing is is then yeah, it's like is the juice worth the squeeze, which we often ask, It's like, okay, she's gonna know. She might say, oh, you turned your location settings off, and then like you have to have a conversation around why she feels sad. She might yeah, exactly. I don't know. Part of me is like I find it odd because I don't share my location settings with anyone at all, but you might have.

You definitely can't ask her not to check in. You could ask your husband to turn off sharing his location settings. The only thing is is then yeah, it's like is the juice worth the squeeze, which we often ask, It's like, okay, she's gonna know. She might say, oh, you turned your location settings off, and then like you have to have a conversation around why she feels sad. She might yeah, exactly. I don't know. Part of me is like I find it odd because I don't share my location settings with anyone at all, but you might have.

To do in case you end up in a bin. How will we know?

To do in case you end up in a bin. How will we know?

I don't know. Part of me thinks it's odd. Do I think it's it's like damaging to your relationship?

I don't know. Part of me thinks it's odd. Do I think it's it's like damaging to your relationship?

No, So like just location settings are hard. I only share it with my sister Sherry and Ben and Sherry. I always forget that I share it with people, so I don't check in on people. But the number of times Sherry has called me out on something where she's like, I'm going to her house for dinner, I'm meeting her somewhere or whatever it is, and she's like are you closed? And I'm like on my way not far. She's like, you're literally in your house. He's still in a shower, and I'm like fuck. I always figure I'm like I was like, yeah, gotcha, I'm walking out of the door. She's like, you're not. She's like, I can see that you're not. You haven't moved. That's when, again get a bit tricky.

No, So like just location settings are hard. I only share it with my sister Sherry and Ben and Sherry. I always forget that I share it with people, so I don't check in on people. But the number of times Sherry has called me out on something where she's like, I'm going to her house for dinner, I'm meeting her somewhere or whatever it is, and she's like are you closed? And I'm like on my way not far. She's like, you're literally in your house. He's still in a shower, and I'm like fuck. I always figure I'm like I was like, yeah, gotcha, I'm walking out of the door. She's like, you're not. She's like, I can see that you're not. You haven't moved. That's when, again get a bit tricky.

Do you think that it's an intimacy. I'm trying to think of why I find this so week. I want to validate this person. I find this so weird. I only share my location with my boyfriend, and we've only started doing that in the last I think six months.

Do you think that it's an intimacy. I'm trying to think of why I find this so week. I want to validate this person. I find this so weird. I only share my location with my boyfriend, and we've only started doing that in the last I think six months.

He does night shifts.

He does night shifts.

I like to make sure that he, like, if I'm at work, that he's driven home and he's gotten home okay. And it kind of helps because he can't have his phone on him at work, so if you know, I'm making dinner or whatever, I'll know if he's still thirty minutes away because I can see where he is. I find that it's like quite an intimate thing between us that we I've never trusted someone to share a location with before, Like I always found it was just a bit of a weird independence breaker, you know, Like I just wanted the autonomy of no one knowing where I was so I didn't have to explain it all.

I like to make sure that he, like, if I'm at work, that he's driven home and he's gotten home okay. And it kind of helps because he can't have his phone on him at work, so if you know, I'm making dinner or whatever, I'll know if he's still thirty minutes away because I can see where he is. I find that it's like quite an intimate thing between us that we I've never trusted someone to share a location with before, Like I always found it was just a bit of a weird independence breaker, you know, Like I just wanted the autonomy of no one knowing where I was so I didn't have to explain it all.

I don't know what it was.

I don't know what it was.

I was weird about it until quite recently, so I think that that's why I find it so weird that the mum has the location.

I was weird about it until quite recently, so I think that that's why I find it so weird that the mum has the location.

It feels like an intimate thing to me.

It feels like an intimate thing to me.

I think it's intimate.

I think it's intimate.

I think it definitely makes him seem like he's a bit of a mummy's boy for sure, and like he hasn't necessarily shared.

I think it definitely makes him seem like he's a bit of a mummy's boy for sure, and like he hasn't necessarily shared.

To begin with.

To begin with.

Well, you never know, they could have been on holidays together, like there could have been any number of reason as to why it was shared in the first place.

Well, you never know, they could have been on holidays together, like there could have been any number of reason as to why it was shared in the first place.

But that's why you do the one week one not indefinitely, Like you know, when it says do you want to share for one hour, one week or indefinitely, don't pick it? Definitely pick one week and extend all right? Question number two, how did two avoidance make a relationship work? I'm twenty nine and I finally got my hands on the man I've been plotting about for ten years. That sounds so bad.

But that's why you do the one week one not indefinitely, Like you know, when it says do you want to share for one hour, one week or indefinitely, don't pick it? Definitely pick one week and extend all right? Question number two, how did two avoidance make a relationship work? I'm twenty nine and I finally got my hands on the man I've been plotting about for ten years. That sounds so bad.

That's a long time to have feelings with someone.

That's a long time to have feelings with someone.

But also it sounds like you've finally got your hands on like a limited edition bag or something like something that I've waited. I've finally got my hands on this guy. I've been lotting about for ten years. This sounds extreme pining for I think she means yeah, no judgment. We've always I judge and don't listen. I mean I listen and don't judge.

But also it sounds like you've finally got your hands on like a limited edition bag or something like something that I've waited. I've finally got my hands on this guy. I've been lotting about for ten years. This sounds extreme pining for I think she means yeah, no judgment. We've always I judge and don't listen. I mean I listen and don't judge.

We've that sounds like every argument ever I judge and I don't listen.

We've that sounds like every argument ever I judge and I don't listen.

Yeah, what you're wrong? What? Okay? We've always had a strong connection, but life has led us in different directions over the years. We've been seeing each other as exclusive friends with benefits for the last year, but things have evolved recently. We spend hours chatting planning our future. Our communication is great, We're super compatible. The spark is strong. It may as well be on fire.

Yeah, what you're wrong? What? Okay? We've always had a strong connection, but life has led us in different directions over the years. We've been seeing each other as exclusive friends with benefits for the last year, but things have evolved recently. We spend hours chatting planning our future. Our communication is great, We're super compatible. The spark is strong. It may as well be on fire.

Wow, she sounds wonderful.

Wow, she sounds wonderful.

But we have both realized that we have avoidant attachment styles, which has prevented us from going all in. Recently, we've both admitted we're in deep and would like to be together. So my question is, how do quote unquote regular people do this. I can't get my head around how to be a girlfriend and what that mean for my sense of self and my lifestyle. I'm hyper independent, falling in love, and absolutely terrified. Help.

But we have both realized that we have avoidant attachment styles, which has prevented us from going all in. Recently, we've both admitted we're in deep and would like to be together. So my question is, how do quote unquote regular people do this. I can't get my head around how to be a girlfriend and what that mean for my sense of self and my lifestyle. I'm hyper independent, falling in love, and absolutely terrified. Help.

I think this is interesting because on one hand, you've said that you have spent heaps of time. We spend hours chatting, planning our future, and our communication is great. So it sounds like to me, you're already it's not avoiding, you're already so far down that rabbit hole. Or maybe you're quite okay with the conversation part, but then when it comes into the actuality of committing yourself or committing your time, that's when you start to freak out. My only thing around this is like, I think that sometimes we can self sabotage. You say you've had feelings of this guy for ten years, you've been in a friends with benefit relationship for a year, you now finally made the commitment to give it a go. I would say, if you are having second thoughts about that, or you're finding it difficult to commit to it properly, like that is deeply avoided, and it's like, be careful of the line between self sabotage and also blaming your avoidant personality type as your excuse for this, because you're clearly very aware that you pride on your independence. You love your independence, you love having your own sensus self. You can maintain all of those things in a healthy relationship. You don't sacrifice all of that just because you've started dating someone.

I think this is interesting because on one hand, you've said that you have spent heaps of time. We spend hours chatting, planning our future, and our communication is great. So it sounds like to me, you're already it's not avoiding, you're already so far down that rabbit hole. Or maybe you're quite okay with the conversation part, but then when it comes into the actuality of committing yourself or committing your time, that's when you start to freak out. My only thing around this is like, I think that sometimes we can self sabotage. You say you've had feelings of this guy for ten years, you've been in a friends with benefit relationship for a year, you now finally made the commitment to give it a go. I would say, if you are having second thoughts about that, or you're finding it difficult to commit to it properly, like that is deeply avoided, and it's like, be careful of the line between self sabotage and also blaming your avoidant personality type as your excuse for this, because you're clearly very aware that you pride on your independence. You love your independence, you love having your own sensus self. You can maintain all of those things in a healthy relationship. You don't sacrifice all of that just because you've started dating someone.

Yeah, and I understand what you're feeling. I remember feeling the same thing. I'm assuming when you say you've been plotting, slash pining for this guy for ten years, I'm assuming you were probably single for most of that time. It's really difficult when you've been really independent and on your own and not dating, to then date and be dependent. And I remember feeling the same way. I remember saying to my friend, I don't know how to be in a relationship. I don't know how to be a partner. I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I don't know what the expectations are. I don't know how to share my life with someone. Which is silly because everyone knows, right like everyone has that. But when you get accustomed to live in a certain way or only relying on yourself or doing everything on your own, you said you're hyper independent. Well it's not silly, no, but it's a big life change one hundred percent, And that's scares people. It scared me. I remember thinking, am I going to be with no one else again? In my whole life? Am I going to be with this one person? What if this person's not right, then you start to get in your head and that's when the self sabotage comes in. I think you need to roll with it. Absolutely, two people that are the same avoidant or whatever your attachment is, any two people can be together if you're hyper aware and socially enough aware of what you are, what your communication style is, and who you are. That's half the battle. You might need to work a little bit harder than two other different types of styles that are matched together. Like, there are definitely people that are more compatible, but anyone can make anything work when they understand what they are, what their partner is, what they need, and what work you have to do to meet each other halfway. But I don't think, like Laura said, I'm not convinced you are avoidant. I think you're a bit scared to take the leap into this new phase of life because you have an experience for so long. Also, sometimes when you're chasing something for so long, you've been chasing this for ten years, all of a sudden you've got it. There's something where it's like holy shit, like do I actually want this? Is this where we're going? Am I? But I think you're not avoidant, And I think no, I think.

Yeah, and I understand what you're feeling. I remember feeling the same thing. I'm assuming when you say you've been plotting, slash pining for this guy for ten years, I'm assuming you were probably single for most of that time. It's really difficult when you've been really independent and on your own and not dating, to then date and be dependent. And I remember feeling the same way. I remember saying to my friend, I don't know how to be in a relationship. I don't know how to be a partner. I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I don't know what the expectations are. I don't know how to share my life with someone. Which is silly because everyone knows, right like everyone has that. But when you get accustomed to live in a certain way or only relying on yourself or doing everything on your own, you said you're hyper independent. Well it's not silly, no, but it's a big life change one hundred percent, And that's scares people. It scared me. I remember thinking, am I going to be with no one else again? In my whole life? Am I going to be with this one person? What if this person's not right, then you start to get in your head and that's when the self sabotage comes in. I think you need to roll with it. Absolutely, two people that are the same avoidant or whatever your attachment is, any two people can be together if you're hyper aware and socially enough aware of what you are, what your communication style is, and who you are. That's half the battle. You might need to work a little bit harder than two other different types of styles that are matched together. Like, there are definitely people that are more compatible, but anyone can make anything work when they understand what they are, what their partner is, what they need, and what work you have to do to meet each other halfway. But I don't think, like Laura said, I'm not convinced you are avoidant. I think you're a bit scared to take the leap into this new phase of life because you have an experience for so long. Also, sometimes when you're chasing something for so long, you've been chasing this for ten years, all of a sudden you've got it. There's something where it's like holy shit, like do I actually want this? Is this where we're going? Am I? But I think you're not avoidant, And I think no, I think.

She is avoidant. I think absolutely can be. I think an avoidant person can like know that then recognize that they want all those things in another person, and they can like verbally apply themselves. But once it gets to a place where they actually have to like physically make those commitments or things are feeling like that level of intimacy is increasing, or the closeness or that they're encroaching on their time, that's a trigger for them, and so then they start to pull away, Hence the whole idea of self sabotage. But I guess my thing is, and look for anyone who's not one hundred percent across like what an avoidant attachment style is. Avoidant attachment styles in relationships may avoid expressions of intimacy and affection and pull back from romantic connections once they start to become too serious. It doesn't mean that they don't love their partner, they just struggle with connection. The thing, though, is, and what I believe is like, if you have recognized the type of personality style that you are, you can do the work to change it. You can recognize your triggers, you can actually start to change the behaviors. Once you start to see yourself doing them, you're not. And I hate this idea that we're just like a victim to our attachment style, that you can never have a great relationship because your X, Y Z attachment styles are fluid. They change depending on what relationship you're in, what the attachment style is of the person that you are dating.

She is avoidant. I think absolutely can be. I think an avoidant person can like know that then recognize that they want all those things in another person, and they can like verbally apply themselves. But once it gets to a place where they actually have to like physically make those commitments or things are feeling like that level of intimacy is increasing, or the closeness or that they're encroaching on their time, that's a trigger for them, and so then they start to pull away, Hence the whole idea of self sabotage. But I guess my thing is, and look for anyone who's not one hundred percent across like what an avoidant attachment style is. Avoidant attachment styles in relationships may avoid expressions of intimacy and affection and pull back from romantic connections once they start to become too serious. It doesn't mean that they don't love their partner, they just struggle with connection. The thing, though, is, and what I believe is like, if you have recognized the type of personality style that you are, you can do the work to change it. You can recognize your triggers, you can actually start to change the behaviors. Once you start to see yourself doing them, you're not. And I hate this idea that we're just like a victim to our attachment style, that you can never have a great relationship because your X, Y Z attachment styles are fluid. They change depending on what relationship you're in, what the attachment style is of the person that you are dating.

What period of life you're in, one hundred.

What period of life you're in, one hundred.

Percent, what you want, what you need, what your experience is at that point in your life. The fact that you are aware of it means that you are not a slave to it, and the fact that your partner is also aware of it means that he doesn't have to be either. I would hope that you have enough ability to stop using it as an excuse to limit yourself in your relationships, because I really think that even two people who are avoidant can have a really mutually incredible relationship because they understand and value what is important to each person. If independence is important to you, the great thing is is that your partner also has that strong need for independence. You can respect that in each other. You can respect the fact that you both really want to maintain a strong sense of your own identity, it just means you're going to have to work a little bit harder to have the deeper level of communication and connection, which it sounds like you're doing that anyway, because you're talking for hours about where your future is going to be.

Percent, what you want, what you need, what your experience is at that point in your life. The fact that you are aware of it means that you are not a slave to it, and the fact that your partner is also aware of it means that he doesn't have to be either. I would hope that you have enough ability to stop using it as an excuse to limit yourself in your relationships, because I really think that even two people who are avoidant can have a really mutually incredible relationship because they understand and value what is important to each person. If independence is important to you, the great thing is is that your partner also has that strong need for independence. You can respect that in each other. You can respect the fact that you both really want to maintain a strong sense of your own identity, it just means you're going to have to work a little bit harder to have the deeper level of communication and connection, which it sounds like you're doing that anyway, because you're talking for hours about where your future is going to be.

Agree with everything. And what I want to say here is I do think that there might be a chance that you are confusing avoidant attachment style with just being scared. And I say that because everything you've said, we have a great connection, we plan our future. You literally say communication is great, we chat for hours, we plan our future. The spark is strong. We are so combatible, we want to go all in. I think you're just scared. I actually don't think you're avoidant at all. But I think we're so used to having to put a label on everything, which sometimes we don't need to put a label. And it's normal to be scared when you're going into a new chapter. It's normal to be scared to put your emotions and your heart on the line because there's a chance it doesn't work and something you thought or romanticized or fantasy for ten years might not turn out to be exactly what you need, and that can be really scary.

Agree with everything. And what I want to say here is I do think that there might be a chance that you are confusing avoidant attachment style with just being scared. And I say that because everything you've said, we have a great connection, we plan our future. You literally say communication is great, we chat for hours, we plan our future. The spark is strong. We are so combatible, we want to go all in. I think you're just scared. I actually don't think you're avoidant at all. But I think we're so used to having to put a label on everything, which sometimes we don't need to put a label. And it's normal to be scared when you're going into a new chapter. It's normal to be scared to put your emotions and your heart on the line because there's a chance it doesn't work and something you thought or romanticized or fantasy for ten years might not turn out to be exactly what you need, and that can be really scary.

I have a question when you say scared for it, because I often think sometimes we speak about this idea of like being scared to lose yourself in a relationship or lose your sense of identity, But actually, what I think we're scared of is being hurt. It's not so much about the losing yourself or what the relationship could be. It's the fact that, like, if you open yourself up to it entirely, then there's a greater possibility of being really deeply hurt by it. And so when you've been single for a long time or you've only been dating for a long time and haven't given yourself over to those feelings, that is like a frightening thing.