Hey Lifers!
Welcome to the episode where we unpack your deep, dark and burning questions. Britt's still in the jungle eating pig nipples. There's a sentence I never thought I'd write... Please keep voting to keep our girl in the jungle! VOTE HERE
Laura's brought her extra 4 legged child home. Buster is terrified and Matt is still in the 'dad who doesn't want the pet' phase. We all know that there's no one who will love a family pet more than the dad who initially said they didn't want them.
Vibes:
Keeshia: The Daily Aus Podcast - Bruce Lehrmann lost his defamation case. What does this mean?
Laura: ToniMay Mother's Day collection
Questions:
One of my best friends constantly cuts people off while they are mid-sentence, sometimes when the person is answering the questions that she has asked them. She also will cut into other people’s conversations and start talking about something completely unrelated and making it hard to get the original chat back on track. Now that I’ve noticed she does this it drives me mental and makes me not want to have a deep engaged conversation with her, as it seems like she’s not properly listening or interested in what I have to say. Is there a way to politely tell her that she does this? Or is this a quirk of her personality that I need to let go?
I’ve recently moved interstate to a brand new city and I’m loving it. I met a guy pretty soon after arriving here, and he is amazing. Turns out on the first night we slept together, I fell pregnant. I am not in a position to keep the baby, and we’re aligned on that decision. However he hasn’t been as supportive as I would’ve hoped. I have been super sick, unable to work, bed ridden, and he hasn’t been replying for my messages for days on end. He hasn’t offered to bring me anything, or even just pay for appointments or supplies, or even just ask how I'm doing. I know we’re not together but I can’t help but feel disappointed in the way he’s handled this. What would your tips be before going forward in this situation? Should I keep seeing him after?
Please help me settle this debate between my boyfriend and I! Is it okay to pee in the shower when I shower with my boyfriend? For context, we shower together every night and he always finds it weird and gross that I have to pee in the shower. But I think It’s fine as it ends up going down the same pipes and to the same destination as the toilet. Should he just get over it or should I stop peeing in the shower when he is in there with me?
I lost my dad when I was a teenager from a neurodegenerative disorder. This disorder is genetic and each child has a 50/50 chance of inheriting it with it being a dominant gene. There is no cure or treatment so it is essentially a death sentence. My sister is in the later stages of the disease having been diagnosed in her mid 20s. I haven’t been tested due to not feeling ready but I’m starting to look into testing now as I’ve started to realise how much it has held me back in things such as relationships and career. At this stage from our family history, it’s looking like I don’t have it. I have been single for a long time because of this and not wanting to bring someone in just in case I have it or for them to have to witness what my family is going through. I’ve been on a few dates recently but a lot of the time people ask why I’ve been single for so long. At what stage do I tell them my family history? I don’t want to scare people straight away but also don’t want to misinform them.
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Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated.
We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on gaddigal Land.
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Laura and.
I am produced Akisha filling in for brit while she's eating really gross things at inappropriate dinner times.
It's very unfortunate that they put on the what do they call it, the Trials Tucker Time Tuesdays or something, that they put it on it like such an inappropriate time of night.
Laura, this is what happened to me last night.
My boyfriend and I sat down on the couch We've cooked sorry Mexican food, and I was like, oh, you know, we've got to put brit on because I'm slibs on it this time.
I need to see her.
I saw her attempt to eat a pigs nipple, amongst other things, which she failed. She vomited, poor thing, and he turned to me. It was like I'd committed a crime, and he was like, do we have to watch this right now?
I'm trying to eat my dinner.
I understand that because last week when we I can't remember who it was it was. I think it was Michelle Bridges and she was eating a penis.
Tristan testicle.
Last night, Bridges ate a penis and Tristan ate a testical like a champion. Put it down. We've all been there, we've all done it. What a good guy taking one for the team, I do think.
So. I didn't get to watch last night's episode. But also it is safe Khan went home, which is very disappointing. Kann firstly is an angel and secondly, he's a very good cook. So that's a disappointing person to lose in the camp. But if you had to eat a pig nipple, surely that's just kind of like bacon rind but with a little bit of extra chewy bit Like I think I would be okay with that. I think I could eat a pig nipple.
That's what Sky said at the time.
But then I thought about it and I was like, oh, I want wonder if it was one of those like hairy nipples are.
Really and they're big and they're thick, like think of like a cow utter.
Then think of like a pig nipple. They're not like a cat nipple. For example.
I think it's the hair on the nipple that would get me, like pick it off first, or do you have to eat every single thing? Yeah?
Actually just felt a bit sick thinking about it.
Can they wash it down?
I did see Britt take a drink of water, but I think there's like a time period they're not allowed to do it immediately.
I feel sick. I'm so sorry.
If you're listening to this, which you are if it's on right now, I feel sick, which means you probably feel sick anyway, speaking of cat nipples, I just.
Really quickly wanted to say that we're recording this on Wednesday, which means that there has been an episode tonight before this episode comes out, so like really fingers crossed. This is not the episode where brit gets eliminated. So please keep voting, Please keep voting to keep her in there, because we're like down to one of the last final days.
I know it's actually it's all going so quickly now, so every day someone's going home the whole You can vote ten times a day.
Make sure you're doing it. It's on tenplay.
But yeah, if there is a situation where tonight is the night Briack goes home. That's awkward for everyone listening today, because you know, this would be a very different conversation had we known now. But we don't get We don't get told anything. But speaking of cat nipples, back to the cat nipples. Finally I am back into my lady in a cat era. We have Raspberry. Raspberry has been brought home. She is so cute.
Buster is so fucking off it.
Matt is also pretty off it, to be honest, But everyone's gonna come around. We're gonna be one big, happy, hairy family with lots of nipples. There's so many nipples in our household now, there is there? Just is do the maths, dog nipples, cat nipples.
There's more functional nipples than what there are unfunctional nipples, now, is there? Well, Matt's nipples don't work, and Busters certainly don't.
It's true, that's true. Yeah, how I really are a female household?
For anyone who doesn't know the backstory to this, Laura adopted a kitten named Raspberry a couple of weeks ago, but she was so little that she had to wait a little while to pick her up and bring her home.
Yeah, so she's already ten weeks, but she's still under like she's tiny, tiny, she was the little runt of the litter and we had to bring her home. The girls are obsessed with her and introduce her to our very big dog who weighs as of today. We took him to the vet. He's thirty nine kilos, so he's massive.
And he's one leg less and he's not seeing a leg.
If he had all four legs, he'd be like forty five kilos. Like, the dog is huge. He is petrified of her, Like he sat on his bed like the biggest fanny and he wouldn't even look at her. He just made these little side eyes and just shook and he was shaking in his bed. And she is tiny, less than a kilo, and she's hissing at him, and he is whipped whipped. He's so frightened. But it's gonna be a big transition for him, Like I think for anyone who has animals and then they've had children, it's such a big transition, going from them being the child of the family to then going down the pecking order, and then you have kids and then the animals kind of go down that and then you bring home a cat. Now, my poor dog's like, what's left for me? How did it best to respond when you had Marley the same thing? Somebody's better shook. He'll get over it, He'll be fine. He's so they are so loved, they are so well taken care of. But it's it's funny to me because I think people always say you have to be a cat person or you're a dog person, and I'm like, I'm a specific animal person. I don't like all cats, and I don't like all dogs, but the ones I like, I love, you know, So I'm picky where I put my energy into. And Matt he has always said he doesn't like cats, but now he owns a cat, and he has been for someone who doesn't like cats.
He has been very, very, very.
Cuddly and proactively snugly with this kitten that he doesn't like.
There is no one who will love a family dog more than the dad who said he didn't want to get a dog.
Yeah, it's one hundred percent. They're like no, no, no, no no.
The rest of the family convinces them that they're getting one, and then the dad is like.
The dog's best friend. It's exactly how it's happening in our household.
The only thing though, which I had forgotten about, which it's the only negative of owning a cat. Actually, there's probably two negatives. One is that you can't trust them. You think you're just having a nice pattern. Then they'll turn around, they'll fuck you. That's that's a cat mentality. The number two is kitty litter, Like I cannot get on board with it. I don't if you are a cat owner and you figured out some sort of like a great way of disguising the kitty litter tray or putting it somewhere or doing something with it, like it's just it's so obscene having a big tray of cat shit in your bathroom.
And it's so so smelly, and something I think is sorry to all the cat owners, but I need to tell you this because your friends might not. You get used to the smell and you get a little desensitized to it.
Other people don't.
I've walked into my friend's houses before and felt physically uncomfortable, like you've got punched in the face. But cat your rear, it's so strong, and you can tell me that you've got the whole leg, so you can put these things on top of them that are like circular and spin or something like.
You know, they've got all these castles to try and get rid of the smell. It's still there, whether you can still smell it or not. It's like your own bo you get slightly used to it or you start to like it.
I'm going to keep you accountable, Okay.
If I come to your house and it starts to smell, I'm going to tell you.
Please. I never want to become so comfortable in my lady in a cat status that I can't tell that my house smells like piers. Please please tell me, because that's when I think things are spiraling out of control in my life.
I really do.
Oh my days, Well, I'd look forward to this, and I look forward to seeing the relationship between Matt and the cat become the strongest relationship in your home.
Literally, it's not the dog going down, it's actually me, like I'm going down in the order of priorities at the moment because there's too many animals and too many.
Children, and you welcomed it into your own life. Should be getting to vibes and unsubscribes for the week. Yes, Keisha, what is your vibe?
I know you have a good one, and so I am looking forward to this.
I also really quickly have a small unsubscribe because we got a message not long ago saying you guys used to do unsubscribes as well.
I'm unsubscribing from kitty litter. If I didn't make that clear, that's what I'm un alternative. I want to teach her to shit in the toilet. That's what I want to teach. You know, there's cats on YouTube. There's like some sort of training thing where you can like teach a cat to pool straight into the toilet.
I want to teach her to do that.
Please be careful because she's so small right now, like.
A cockroach in the bottom of a toilet bot like.
In the toilet bowl when you get home one afternoon.
But how impressive would that be if you came over to my house and there's just the cats on the pray just looks at you as you walk past the bathroom. She's hanging half in the toilet or a poo. We had to wait for her to finish. Excuse me, can you give the cats some privacy? Raspberries doing going to the toilet, close the door.
Oh my days.
Okay, my unsubscribed for the week is the plastic liner in swimwear.
It's fucking disgusting.
Can we all please just make you know that you buy a pair of swimmer necessary Well, it's only necessary because we don't trust everyone to wear underwear when they try on swimwear. And I think this is where we all need to come together and create a solution, because when you that plastic thing off of swimwear, you don't know how many flaps.
You don't know how much trust you're putting in that well, like do you do it with?
I always feel like, wow, this is so potentially disgusting, but I don't know how disgusting because I don't know how many flaps this it's touched, because I don't know how many of you have tried this pair of swimmers on without your underwear on.
That's true, that's true. What a gamble? What do you do?
Do you take it off then go wash your hand straight away? Or do you just take it off and then bang it on like you know?
Game on? I really play off. I try to get like.
The corner, like with my fingernails, and then I sanitize.
You always sanitize afterwards, Yeah, yeah, I think I do. But sometimes I just put on swimmers at the beach that I've just bought, so you just rip it off and put them on.
Do you always wash them before you put them on? No?
I don't, okay, but yeah, yeah, maybe I'm contradicting myself. Now, maybe if they didn't have the sticker thing on them that I would feel the need.
To wash them.
You always watch underwear before anyway, I move on.
I actually don't. I'm so bad with that. Whatever.
It's worked out so well thirty eight. Nothing's happened yet anyway, And that's a good unsubscribe, except I still think it's quite necessary. Do you know what I think we should do instead of it being the plastic one? You know how you can get those ones? They're like Satney better.
More costly for the businesses though, I agree.
Okay, this is a complex issue that obviously we need to think about a little bit more in depth. But I do have a really good vibe for this week. It was Tuesday's episode of the Daily OS podcast. You guys all know that we really like the Daily Ods. I think that they deliver news in a really consumable way. The episode was titled Bruce Lehman lost his defamation case.
What does this mean?
So I think it was Monday, Yeah, Monday afternoon, just as Michael Lee handed down a judgment for this defamation case. There has been so many different cases to do with Bruce Lehman. There's been criminal cases, there's been civil cases. A guy like spending time in court. Put it that way.
Yes, he's gonna have no money left very likely. Also, terrible reputation far up could not be more in the gutter.
There is definitely an irony in the fact that he brought this defamation case forward saying that he wanted to not be called an alleged rapist, and now we had a judge say on the balance of probabilities that he is a rapist.
Like I'm sure everyone has heard the quote from the judge having escaped the lines Dan mister Lehrmann made the mistake of coming back for his hat, and I think that that is just it paints such a picture around what this court case was, what this trial was.
So The Daily Os did a twenty minute episode that broke it down. Sam who is one of the co founders of The Daily Ohs. He has a legal background. He breaks it down in such a way that's really, really, really easy to understand, and he also goes into kind of the nuances of what is going to happen.
Next next Tuesday.
We've been told that the costs are going to be kind I don't know what the legal term is. Basically, the court are going to say who needs to pay who money and who needs to pay for the legal representation side of things. So that's happening next Tuesday, and there's going to be more news about it around, So if you want to kind of get your head around it, I really recommend that episode.
I'm so interested as well because I think there's been there's been so much reporting around the case, like this case couldn't have had more reporting, And I think that for a lot of people understanding the nw onance of it, because there's been so much speculation and there's been so much commentary and personal opinion that's been loaded into this, I think understanding the legalities around it for some people it can still seem a little bit vague. In for myself, I think getting my head around how this case has actually come about. But also part of this story that I think is so interesting is Lisa Wilkinson and her involvement in it and how she has been misrepresented within the media, and how that's going to then play out over the next couple of months. And I think we're going to be seeing the next story or the next part of this, which will be Lisa Wilkinson having her time to be able to say, well, I was misrepresented and I was also defamed.
Absolutely.
And the other thing that I thought was very interesting and I'm really really glad about from this particular court case, is that just Michael Lee, he explained in his findings that Brittney Higgins was an unreliable witness, but he also went in to explain that that is so often the case for sexual assault victims absolutely to experienced trauma, and I know that for us, we have these conversations all the time and we go, yeah, obviously, anyone who's been traumatized has glitches in their memory and their story may change, not because they're not telling the truth, but because it's a really traumatic experience. Having that actually delivered in court is a really good step in the right direction, and I know that it might seem a bit fucking prehistoric, but it is like our court system has been so so, so bad for victims of sexual assault, and so it's been really nice to kind of see this first step in a better direction.
I also hope in that Brittany Higgins was never able to have her day in court and him being able to walk freely with the assumption that I think a lot of people draw the assumption that because he was never prosecuted for the rape trial that he's innocent. Just because someone isn't found guilty doesn't automatically mean that they're innocent. And there is hopefully so much vindication for Britney Higgins in this But that's such an amazing vibe Keisha and I will absolutely listen to it.
I just quickly want to. I mean, this is a little bit us covering ourselves legally. He was found guilty on the balance of probabilities, and if you listen to this episode of The Daily OS, that will be explained to you why that is different to the criminal proceedings.
So yes, The Daily ohs Bruce Leman lest his defamation case. What does this mean? On wherever you get your podcast? Laws?
What's you like my vibe is very self fulfilling, guys, so give me a second. But also it's something I'm really, really, really proud of, and I know I don't. I mean, we've spoken a little bit about Tony May over the last couple of weeks, but this is such a huge part of my life that I don't speak about a lot on the podcast. And last week there's been a few things that have happened that just means we haven't had a chance to talk about this yet. But last week we launched our Mother's Day collection and it's a campaign that I am so proud of. We shot it on my birthday this year, and we wanted because every year we do this like limited edition Mother's Day necklace, which we have done for like the last three years, and then this year we wanted to do something that was a little bit different, and part of that was capturing motherhood stories, so talking to different moms. We had I think it was nine different people come through that day and the podcast or in me got to sit down and interview each of those moms. The questions that we asked were all the questions that I asked were all around, like what does motherhood mean to you? And how has your life changed since becoming a mom that there was this one question that came up and with every single person I spoke to, literally from the minute they sat down until the minute they left, we were all in tears. But the one question was around priorities and when you put so much of yourself into your children and into your relationships and into your work, like, where do you fall in the list of priorities.
Especially when you get a new kitten and there's so many nipples in your house, where do you fall?
And every single woman that day said that they are at the bottom, that they are at the very bottom of their list of priorities. One person and it was my sister, but also another one of the women that I interviewed said that they're below the dogs. And I know that a lot of mums feel like this at different times, that they deprioritize themselves so much because everything else requires so much of them, especially when you have little kids. But it was really a moment of self reflection for myself, and also I think it was just a really powerful video that we were able to And if you haven't seen it, it was a video that we made.
It's on my Instagram. It's also on Tony May's Instagram.
What it was supposed to be was everybody's individual motherhood story came together to kind of share what one singular thing is that we all experience. And even though everybody shows up to motherhood differently, we all have very similar things that we go through. And I was really proud of it, and I think it was a really beautiful capture of what motherhood is. And I'm sorry for anyone who may cry, but my vibe for the week, I guess is overarchingly. We have this beautiful collection that we've created which is all around motherhood. It's all around celebrating the many forms of it. And one of the pieces that we have in there, which over the years we have always received the feedback of what about people who haven't had their happy endings with motherhood or are still on their motherhood journey because Mother's Day can be so isolating, And we've created this really beautiful necklace which is to be a keepsake, to be a memory, to be something that you can hold on too if you're in a different phase of motherhood, whether it is that you have a rainbow baby, whether it is that you're still in your fertility journey, whether it's that you've lost a child or you want to give something to someone this Mother's Day who is going through that themselves. And that was like the basis of creating this range as well. So I'm really really proud of it. Yeah, I mean it feels so, I know, it feels so. I hate being like, this is my five it's something that I've created, but I'm genuinely so proud of it.
And the video made me cry and I feel like I got a mom. I'm not a mom.
And it was a very impactful and beautiful, beautiful campaign. That campaign meant more than a piece of jewelry totally in it.
There's depth to it. Well it wasn't.
I mean, the campaign doesn't even have the handpagn video doesn't even have jewelry in it, but it didn't need to.
It wasn't about that.
But I yeah, I think, you know, I'm so lucky that I get to design jewelry and I had this whole other life and a whole other job that I get to do. But there are a couple of things that we do each year that I deeply look forward to. And the Mother's Day collection is one of them. So I'm so proud of how it's all come together. Yeah, and that's it for me.
All right, Let's get into the questions. Okay, Question number one.
One of my best friends constantly cuts me off or cuts people off mid sentence, sometimes when the person is answering the question that she has literally asked them. She also will cut into people's conversations and start talking about something completely unrelated, showing pictures on her phone or something else she saw on there, taking the conversation away from what people were talking about and making it hard to get the original chat back on track. Now that I've noticed she does this, I just can't stop noticing. It drives me mental and makes me not want to have a deep, engaged conversation with her, as it seems like she's not properly listening or interested in what I have to say. Is there a way to politely tell her that she does this or is this a quirk of her personality that they just need to let go.
Ah, this is such.
An uncomfortable question for me to answer because I have been your friend and I've had this exact situation unfold where I was needing to be accountable for some kind of shitty behavior. The first thing I want you to ask is whether you think this interrupting and this kind of like breaking of conversation is intentional, because I think this is one of the situations where intension actually really does matter.
Giving a little bit of context.
It is a symptom of ADHD that I wasn't aware of until I was diagnosed. And that's kind of how this whole thing came about within my own personal life.
I didn't realize that I was so so so.
Bad for interrupting people's conversation because in my mind, I thought it showed that I was excited about the conversation and that I had something to add to it and that I wanted more, you know, like that was my way of kind of engaging, and I didn't have any self awareness at all as to how rude it was or how it had the ability to make people feel really diminished.
I think it's the big and important part of this is how it can take a conversation off track. And I know, like Keisha, I have seen such a difference in you, and I mean this with all deep kindness, I truly do, but I've seen such a difference in you since you have been diagnosed with like and you've gone through being medicated in some way and figuring all that out, like in how you approach conversations, because there was and like it never ever ever was an issue.
Never was it like oh my god, Keisha, Like it.
Might not have been an issue for you, but it definitely was for other people to be in life. And I feel really embarrassed about it. And that's why I kind of want to ask you about your friend because for me, like I actually this is so incredible embarrassing And for anyone who's been through an ADHD diagnoses.
You'll know this.
You sit across from your psychiatrist and they ask you the question of how do you go at turn taking in conversation and you're like, am I three?
You're like, I talk for the whole conversation, What what do you mean?
Like? And it's meant to be a tennis match?
And I had, like I truly actually mean this, And this is why I think you need to ask about the intention. I had no idea that this is something that I did, and I felt really embarrassed when I became aware of it.
So I think there is a really big.
Difference between whether your friend is aware of the fact that they're doing this. If they are aware and they don't care, it's fucking rude and you shouldn't be friends with someone who only cares about themselves in that way. I think it might just be worth you investigating to Firstly.
I really want to validate you.
It is so reasonable that this pisses you off, and that this makes you annoyed and not want to have conversations because it makes you feel as though what you've got to say is less important totally, but it's not necessarily a personal trait of theirs.
It may be. There are a couple of ways that you.
Can bring their attention to it, and if I was to recommend some one on one, please don't do this in a group environment. It's really really embarrassing when that happens. It also will most likely make your friend feel guilty. And I think what you can kind of approach it with is like, look, I just wanted to bring this up with you and make you aware of the fact that this is how I've felt some conversations have been with you, and I want to know whether it's because you don't think what I've got to say is important, and that will give them the opportunity to tell you that what you do have to say is important to them. And the other thing that I really recommend is not saying that other people have noticed it, because when you're in the position of being the one who's in the wrong here and you feel as though everyone has been thinking and feeling this about you, you just feel like the worst person, Like you actually feel really ashamed of yourself. And it's not something like you know, if you're not doing it intentionally, it's not an evil thing.
You're not trying to hurt people.
It's also incredibly triangulating when using that. It doesn't matter what the conversation is or what the argument is, saying other people have said the same, or other people have thought the same, or other people have said this to me, any of those variations of that same context, or you're saying to that person is we've been talking about you behind your back.
That's what that says.
And you don't need to use other people's observations as ammunition to make a point to your friend. It's a cruel way of approaching conversation. And I'm not saying that you were going to do that either I think it gives good context to the question that you've asked. But this is more so just around how to approach it with your friend and what parts to share with her from a place of kindness and empathy verse what would become and be seen as being super argumentative or being seen as combative even the only thing I like I want to add to that case because I think your perspective on it is so important. I don't think it is a normal trait of someone, like a personality trait, to just be a chronic interrupter.
I would say that more.
Often than not, it does lend itself to someone who does have some sort of maybe it's ADHD, maybe it's some sort of communication issues, because especially if they show up as a great friend in every other way, that would indicate that they are invested in you, they do care about what you have to say. They are a friend who is absolutely clocked in on the friendship. So then it's not congruent for them to turn around and go, oh, but I don't care what you say it I'm just gonna interrupt you. That to me seems like it is just and I don't want to say part of their personality, but it's part of the way in which they communicate, whether that is right or wrong. But I can understand why it is really really frustrating. I think the hardest one for me is is it's not so much the being interrupted, it's the deviating of the conversation away from what it is that the group is talking about. That can be really really hard because the other person doesn't understand like the person who's doing it. They might even feel like, oh, I tried to say something, you guys aren't listening to me, and it's like, yeah, we're not listening to you because you're not talking about the thing that we're talking about.
So like, oh my gosh, I've actually just had a moment of self awareness that we joked about on the podcast when I came to your house to watch I'm a Celeb and I kept showing.
Your photos of Africa. Fuck, I'm this person.
I'm so sorry the memory I have and this is the only time that I had noticed when because like Keise, you don't do it and I don't want you to leave this conversation having like this deeplag Oh my god.
But truly, it is something that I actually feel a lot of shame about But you don't need to feel shame about it. But I've been.
Trying to work on it, and obviously it's not.
Self awareness is a beautiful thing.
No, I want to be so clear because in no way do I want you to leave this conversation thinking as though that the way in which you communicate is a problem. I mean, you're a great communicator. Everyone who listens to the podcast knows that you can. You can talk for England, but also you listen for England too. You know, like you are very perceptive around what's going on. But I think that sometimes and this is what I mean by maybe it's an indication of someone who does have ADHD, is that if you get it in your head that you want to talk about something, it doesn't matter what the other conversation is that's happening here. It has to be talked about right now. Do you remember when we were we had the live shows and we were all in the bus. I can't remember what we were talking about, but you wanted to tell everyone about the fact that you had, like you spend a lot of time in tweet as we were driving towards.
No, I didn't, I mean I have no this is what I mean, but that's really no awareness of it. Like what you're talking about was like I have, like you know, awareness of this, and yes I did.
I did my university degree.
I'm like, Okay, it's a beautiful spot tweet is gorgeous and it's not. But I also understand why that's time sensitive because we're driving through an area, so like you want to be like, oh, this is because you're going to drive past it and then it's not going to be there anymore. But at the same time, it's like, are they you know, is there another conversation that's happening here that has to be in erupted for that? And I think it's like, take a second to have a look at your friend's overall behavior and are there other indicators that might show that she has other things going on in her personality? Are there other small indicators And maybe it's good to kind of like do a little bit of read up on ADHD for example, so you can be like, oh, yeah, you know what, Wow, she does have a few of these other things as well. This might be a moment where she has self reflection in her own life and kind of realizes that there are some things that she struggles with that have become so normal to her that she's not even conscious of. Or it might be something that she's absolutely in denial about and it's not actually a problem for her, or maybe she doesn't have it and it is just something that she does. There's many ways in which this could unfold, but I think it is okay with you to have a.
Conversation with her about it, especially if it makes you feel like this, Yeah, I also just to like to end this conversation. I also want to say that if that is the case, let's say that actually she is similar to me, had no idea that this is something that she does really badly and it was symptomatic of something else, even if she is to be diagnosed. And I'm really really strong talking about this because I.
Don't think everyone feels this way. It's not an excuse.
Even though I have ADHD and I have a tendency to interrupt people, that's actually my responsibility to try and work on because it has the effect of hurting people. So it's not like a get out a jail free card of I've.
Got a condition.
I can do whatever the fuck I want and say what I want in conversation and you just have to get over it.
It does give.
You more context that you know it's not malicious, and I think that's where it becomes a little bit of a better place to start the conversation because you have an understanding of the fact that they're not meaning to do it, but they also need to take accountability for the fact that they have done it and they need to work on it.
It's really interesting because me and Friedman, she came out I think it was the last year you before, saying that she had been diagnosed, and it happens for women a lot. It's a late onset diagnosis. We're seeing a lot of conversations about it now. She was diagnosed with ADHD later in life, and she said it was like someone turned the lights on because of the fact that even from like an interview perspective, she obviously has mum and me and no filter. She interviews people all the time, and so much the feedback that she'd received over the years was that she interrupted guests, and she was like, it made sense because it's not it wasn't an intentional interruption, it wasn't trying to make it about herself. It was a enthusiasm about the conversation as you said, which I myself can completely relate to.
Keisha. Just one thing I want to ask you in terms of like.
A personal reaction slash response, when your friend brought it up with you and made it aware to you that this is how you were behaving, how did you respond to that and how did that make you feel?
I had it happened twice, one was with a friend and one was with my boyfriend, and not well. I didn't respond well because I felt attacked, defensive, so incredibly defensive. And I have enough awareness of it now and this has been a benefit of medication for me. I'm able to zoom out and be less personally offended and go They had a really good point, like they both had such a point. They both had multiple examples. But at the time, I was like, this is just an attack on my character because I didn't mean to do it, you know, like I felt like I was. I thought I was trying to engage with you, like I thought I was trying to get more and add, like add to the conversation.
Not take away from it.
And I didn't realize that we're making it about yourself, Like I wasn't trying to us, trying to use my life experience to empathize with you, like as a comparison instead of just listening.
Yeah, and so initially, like I mean, your friend probably will be. That's why I think it's really important that you do this in such a soft way. I think it's probably best if you do it when I mean you say it. You kind of constantly notice it, so it's probably not going to be long before it happens again. And if I were you, and or if I was kind of reversing it and saying how I think it would be best if it happens in the moment, I think that's when i'd bring it up, and I think i'd go, can we just stop for a second. I really wanted to talk to you about this, and I just felt like you really interrupted me. And I just want to make you aware of that, because sometimes I feel not listened to in our conversations and I feel like you dominate the conversation a bit, and I just wanted to like kind of broach that with you. I think, yeah, I understand why you're like, this drives me mental.
It's so rude and it cuts off conversation.
But please figure out first whether your friend is kind of like deliberately doing it. If they are, if they're like just a really self involved, selfish person, I'd probably be decreasing the friendship.
And that's a whole different response. But I think there'll be other indicators of that, not just the cutting off thing.
Yeah, Okay, let's get into question number two. Enough talking about me.
Sorry we interrupting talking about myself? Okay, question number two, And I just want to preface this by saying that right now, if conversations around termination or abortion are hard for you to listen to, it might be best that you skip this question. I've recently moved into state to a brand new city and I'm loving it. I met a guy pretty soon after arriving here, and he is amazing. It has been the best start to my new life in a new city, and I'm feeling as though the puzzle pieces are finally falling together. Turns out, the first night we slept together, I fell pregnant. I am not in a position to keep the baby, and we're aligned on that decision. However, he hasn't been as supportive as I would have hoped. I've been super sick, unable to work, bedridden, and he hasn't been replying to my messages for days on end. He hasn't offered to bring me anything, or even just pay for my appointments or supplies, or even just ask how I'm doing. I know we're not together, but I can't help but feel disappointed in the way that he's handled this. What would your tips be before going forward in this situation, the hardest part is still ahead of us. And if he's not realizing the gravity of the situation now, how should I approach it when I go through the procedure? Should I keep seeing him after?
I mean, the very first line that you said was I met a guy pretty soon after arriving here, and he is amazing. He doesn't sound amazing at all. He sounds pretty average.
Is it?
He amazing because on paper he ticks the boxes of what you wanted in a person, like when you went up for a few dates. Because obviously this must be still really early. If you got pregnant the first time you slept together, and now you're at a point where you're going through the potential of a termination, it still must be relatively early in the dating of you guys. So my question around his amazingness is is he amazing on paper? Is he amazing in terms of the things that you think you want in a person, and does he tick those boxes, because the way in which he's behaving around this situation to me, would say and indicate that he is not amazing. Firstly, I want to say, I'm so sorry that you're going through this and that you feel alone. But secondly, I think it's very very early in your relationship. Like, as you said, you're not exclusive, you're not even really dating. It's very early in your relationship to have any understanding as to who that person is. The person that you've been on a few dates with, you don't know them at all. And I think that some is reaction to something like this, especially when you're on the same page, especially when you've both made the decision that you want to have a termination, is very very indicative of who that person is and how much they care for you, how empathetic they are, how much they're willing to take care of you, and not because they have an obligation to because you're their girlfriend, but because they're actually a kind person who realizes that this might be hard for you and cares that it's hard for you, so they show up, so they check in. I think that that really defines who a person is or isn't, And for me, that's what I would be making my decisions on around whether or not I wanted to date them in the future. Not because when I first met them they seem like they ticked all the boxes. Because you know, we all know one chemistry can lie and two you can have someone who ticks every single box in the world. But then after getting to know them a bit, you're like, actually, you're a bit of a dick.
Also, does this person show up for you? Yeah, because I think he's really showing you who he is. He might be amazing when you go on your first few dates and you're getting to know it each other and you're having all this fun, but he's showing you that he's not there for you when you're down and out totally.
Also, if you're communicating with him that you're sick, you're going through this on your own, your bed ridden, and you're also financially paying for everything, and he hasn't at all shown an interest or cared for your health, for your financial wellbeing. He hasn't contributed in any way like that, to me speaks so much greater than what he was on the first few dates or how you thought he was prior. I myself, would I want to continue giving this guy time and energy. No, I wouldn't. And I know that there's probably ways that you could mentally split this. You could kind of I think you could convince yourself, well, we're not exclusive, so it's not really his problem yet.
Also, the whole you're in the driver's seat of this decision totally, you know, like you do have more of a Basically, the outcome could very much change his life. And I think a lot of people give a bit too much credit to men in those situations that are like, well, I was just scared because I didn't know what she was going to do.
I think, like, and I know we've said it, this is a real testament to who his character is. Because there are some men who will show up for you, regardless of whether they're in a relationship with you or whether And what I mean by show up is they just show that they care. They will at least check in, They will offer to financially contribute. That I think should be normal. And I know that there are people out there who would behave like that. And so if you've found yourself with someone who only cares in the good times and is completely lacking an empathy right now for you with what you're going through something that they participated in, regardless of whether you're exclusive or not exclusive, I don't think that they should approach it differently. I think that there should be a level of care and consideration that's still given and that you are still entitled to. So I don't want you to mentally make excuses for him on the basis that there's the caveat of oh, but we weren't exclusive, so maybe, like I shouldn't expect that of him, and you know, maybe you shouldn't expect it of him, but I certainly wouldn't giving HI more opportunities once that termination has happened.
Yeah, I think you and I are pretty aligned on how we feel about this, And I'm sorry if that's kind of hard for you to process at the moment, because you're already going through a lot and you've.
Just moved into state.
So I think the next thing to ask yourself is do I have support around me to go through this procedure here? Or can you potentially go back to where you're from, where you have deep connections.
Of people who will look after you.
Because I mean, this experience can be so different for so many people. For some people, it's a very emotional experience and it's very hard and physically they can experience a lot as well, and they need a bit of downtime and they need love around them. For other people, I know people who have said they've had much, much, much worse periods and they were not emotionally connected to it whatsoever. So it really can exist on such a.
Scale, and unfortunately, you don't really know how you're going to respond until you're.
In it totally.
But also on that thoughkish if you have responded adversely to it, if it is something that you're struggling with and you've communicated that to the person who has contributed to the situation in the first place, and they're not showing you that they care, especially if you're in the early days of dating, why would you invest any more time in them? You know, like, because I think that unfortunately, this spook in the road has happened so early in your relationship. If he showed a deep level of empathy, if he showed that he cared around how you feel. If he was like making sure financially you were okay, it would be a no brainer.
You would still want to go through with the termination.
That wouldn't necessarily change your opinion on your fertility or on your plans, but it would make you go, this is a fucking great guy, as everyone.
Who turns up for me when I need it.
Yeah, and I want to date him, Like, you know, way too early to have kids with this person, but I want to date him and I want to see where this goes. Whereas like he has done the complete opposite. He has shown you in a time of a very stressful situation, who he is and how he's going to show up. And I wouldn't personally be giving him another opportunity.
Yeah.
From a very serious question to a very silly question. It's a real change of pace here, Okay. Question number three, Please help me settle this debate between my boyfriend and I. Is it okay to pee in the shower when I shower with my boyfriend? For context, we shower together every night, and he always finds it weird and gross that I have to pee in the shower. But I think it's fine as it ends up just going down the same pipes to the same destination as the toilet. Debatable, Do you shit in the shower? Should he just get over it? Or should I stop peeing in the shower when he is in there with me? Yes, you should absolutely stop peeing in the shower when he's there with you.
Sorry, there are.
Two questions here, and one of them really centers around consent.
Okay, unless you're into.
Golden showers and you have expressed she not peing on him.
She could, but she's just standing to the side of him, around his feet.
I would not like her if my boyfriend peede around me in the shower. Frankly, if you say you don't pee in showers, I think you're lying. I think most people pee in the shower.
I agree.
It's convenient, it's warm, and it makes you need to go. Even if you've done one beforehand, you always end up doing it in the shower. Yeah, not a bath, though, you've got to get out of a bath. But the shower's fine.
Game on.
I see this as if you are alone, absolutely play on.
That's your decision.
You can make that decision because you're the only one impacted by it. If you're with someone else in the shower, they have to also agree to that. You cannot keep peeing around your boy doesn't want you to.
You're in the wrong.
I am in full of Greeans and I'm so sorry because when you guys writing questions, I know it's usually because you expect that we're gonna side.
With you or give you the outcome that you hope for.
I think you're funny, and I think you're really bold.
I do also like good on you for having the self confidence just to piss next to your partner who doesn't want you to. Like. Good on you for having that much self comf I don't. I don't know where you found it. I'd like some I I agree. I think anyone who says they don't pee in the shower is lying. I think everybody has peed in the shower, whether you're a regular peer in the shower or whether it just happens from time to time. I think most people pee in the shower. Is it okay to do it when your partner is in the shower, it's fine if they're fine with it. That he has expressed that he's not fine with it, and he would like you to stop, and you do not care. And I think that that it's not about whether it's okay, because it's the same pipes. It's about him saying this is a boundary for me, and you're just saying.
I don't care.
I'm gonna piss on the piss on that boundary. Yeah, so I would say I would say stop. I would say just go to the toilet first.
I don't even mind if you pee while he's in the shower. Like, if you're just on the toilet peeing, that's fine. You do you, that's no problem. I mean, oh, look if he's okay with that, which like sorry, if you've been peeing the shower with him, he's probably gonna prefer you to be the toilet next to it.
I think he would be okay with that.
Also, Okay, do not ever just do it where you just let it little bit ghost then no one knows, like Matt will be brushing his teeth and if I need to pee, I'll just pee a little bit.
Good for the pelvic floor.
Stop peel a little bit, stop, peel little bit, stop so that.
He secretly pee.
Well, yeah, you fucking hypocrit You just pee, girl, now this is when he's in the room brushing his teeth.
I would never do it with him in the shower.
No, I just secret pee if he's coming, if he has entered my space to do something whilst I'm in the shower and he's chatting away, I'm not gonna say, hey, honey, can you go out second piss in the shower.
I'll just try and get it with a bit of the strong smelling shampoo.
You've got a bit of body wash. And then I just go on, off, on off too much. Too much. I share too much on this podcast. We all do.
We actually way too much.
Yesterday I was at an event from the Witchery white shirt campaign and Matt's beautiful ex girlfriend was there, right.
Who we're friendly with. She's really really.
Lovely every It's also though one of those things where like they're friends and like we're friendly, but we're not friends and they are like a long term sh was like a long term ex of his. But we said hello and she's great, and she was like, I listened to the podcast, please talk Why why do you listen to this?
Because it's validating for her because she's seven minutes over here in the amount of times I've.
Put my life say she's really hot. If you're listening to this, you're really hot. Yeah that's her. I know. Yeah, that's hurtful, sad for Matt. All right, last question.
I lost my dad when I was a teenager from a neuro degenerative disorder. This disorder is genetic and each child has a fifty to fifty chance of inheriting it, with it being a dominant gene.
Actually, you guys had a conversation with.
Mega Marx about something that was inherited in a similar way four months ago. There is no cure or treatment, so it essentially is a death sentence. My sister is in the latest stages of the disease, having been diagnosed in her mid twenties. I haven't been tested due to not feeling ready, but I'm starting to look into testing now as I've started to realize how much it has held me back from things in my life I've such as my relationships and my career. At this stage, from our family history, it's looking like I don't have it. I have been single for a long time because of this and not wanting to bring someone into my life just in case I have it. For them to have to witness what my family is going through. I've been on a few dates recently, but a lot of the time people ask why I've been single for so long. At what stage do I tell them my family history. I don't want to scare people straight away, but also I don't want to misinform them.
I feel very strongly that you do not owe a stranger your medical history. You don't have to tell them all the information because you don't know whether you want to be with them yet either. So I think have some grace for yourself. I can only imagine how challenging this has been for you. I can only imagine how horrible it must be to feel like you have a death sentence hanging over you and not want to burden anyone with that. Like that is a truly empathetic and kind way that you've approached it. But you also can't limit your your life and not live your life in the fear of something that could be ten years, twenty years, thirty years, a normal life span, you know what I mean. Imagine getting to a ripe old age and being like, I never lived my life to the fullest because I was so afraid of dying earlier, but it never happened, you will live with so much regret. And I know it's easy for me to say this because I'm not going through it, and so please forgive me if that comes across in any way ignorant or insensitive. But I just don't think that you have to share with someone your medical, your very very personal family medical history until you're at a point where you feel as though that person is worthy of you investing that in them, and then they can make up their decision if that's the case, and that might be then something that you have to go through that could potentially show whether they're either A invested or B. It might be hurtful if they decide it's too much for them. But I don't think it's wise for you to approach very early dating with the extremely heavy information of something that you don't have all the information for because people will always go to worst case scenario or they'll go, Okay, well do I want to invest my time in that? And thing is you just don't know the person yet, you don't know whether or not you want to invest your time in them.
I completely agree with everything you've said, and I truly have a lot of empathy for the anxiety that you have to live with this space of not knowing, because I think it's a question that a lot of people, especially ones that have the potential of inheriting, and you're a generative disorder that is dominantly inherited. Often and I'm not sure if this is the case for yours, but often with dominant conditions like this, the age of onset gets younger as the generations go on. And so I think that, as you've stated, your sister is in the late stages of this disease.
So I mean it's completely up to you.
You've said that you're probably at the point where you are going to get tested yourself, and I just send so much love to you for that, because that would just be such a fucking heart desis to make, because on one hand, it could give you so much freedom because it could say you're in the clear and then hopefully your anxieties about this would go away.
But also even if you do get tested for that, if it's something that's hereditary in your family, is there still the fear around or could I pass it on through a recessive gene to my child? Will that then be a consideration for a partner if you want to have children together, Like, does it go beyond it just being about you and then a being about like what your next generation could look like if you do want to have children.
Is that something that you're grappling with four dominant conditions? That's not usually the case for recessive conditions. It absolutely is something that you would need to go through genetic testing if you were It's sorry, you may want to go through genetic testing if you wanted to have a child.
But the other thing that I think you may be kind of missing in.
This is that you're kind of talking about, like, at what stage do I tell them about my family history? Again, they're not entitled to that information, but when you find someone that you feel comfortable sharing that with, that's a very real thing that you're experiencing in your life and that you're having to go through with your family and be alongside your sister as she is going through this condition. And I think it's really really sad, But I do understand where it comes from that you haven't wanted to let someone get close because right now you're dealing with a lot. So I think just kind of try and take the pressure off of yourself because you are experiencing something that many, many, many of us will never.
Have to go through.
And I don't want you to also be hard on yourself, being like, oh, but I'm also not achieving in my career and not achieving in my relationships. Totally, totally, You're actually you're doing a fucking good job.
Well, you're also in survival mode. You can't be flourishing in areas of your life when you're in survival mode. That I almost want to I mean, in knowing that you don't know, and whether you do go and get tested or don't get tested as entirely up to you and how what will give you less or more anxiety, Like how you feel is the better way for you to live. But I think it's important to kind of flip the script a little bit, And I guess I want to ask the question of if this was happening to someone else, if there was someone else who is in your life, who you loved, who had the possibility or the situation that you were in, would you think that they're deserving of love or a relationship. Would you think that they're still deserving of somebody out there wanting to be with them or would you say to your family member or your friend, Actually that's too much of a burden, Like what would be your honest opinion if it wasn't about yourself but it was about someone else, And because I'm talking about you, I would say, you're so deserving of being loved, just so deserving of a relationship. And somebody who wants to be with you will make the choice as though they're opting in. But you've got to give them the opportunity to make that decision if they want to make it, you know, But I think you only have to give that decision to someone who is worthy of it, of someone who's invested, of someone who is deserving of that information. And you don't have to tell anyone who you don't that information, because that's something that's earned when there's a level of connection and trust and commitment.
Almost absolutely, And it sounds by the way you've written this in that you've kind of gone on the assumption that if you were to tell anyone that this was the case and that you were positive for the genetic mutation, you're kind of assuming that they would run for the hills, you know, like you're not actually giving them the opportunity.
To say, Okay, well, like, what's this going to look like for us?
You're just kind of making the firm assumption that no one would want to be with you. And exactly like you said, Laura, you're very worthy of love.
And I'm really sorry for what you're going through and what your sister and your family are experiencing as well, because it must be really, really really challenging and very difficult.
Yeah.
Absolutely, I know.
When we spoke to Megan, she spoke about going through a very very similar situation and going through the real considerations around what would dating look like. Maybe it would give you some souls to have listened to that episode, to talk to other people who maybe have been in similar situations, how they navigated the idea of day, whether it's something they felt comfortable to do, Because I mean, we can tell you what we think, but at the same time, we have never been in this situation, so I hope that we're approaching it with enough empathy and with you know, enough understanding from the little bit of information that you've given us. We'll link the Mega Marks episode in the show notes as well if you want to have a listen to it and go back so you can find it easily. But that is it from ask Guys. If you have any questions for Ask gun Cut, slide into the DMS at Life on Cut podcast and pop it in there. Also, if you have any accidentally unfiltered stories or anything at all, you know where.
To find us.
I've just realized this might be my last Ask gun Cut for a while. Brit might be back next week.
I mean, well, I don't know, I who know who knows?
Keep voting Vote boy, Vote boy, vote because if she wins, one hundred thousand dollars will be going to a very deserving charity in Rise Up.
So it works tenfold.
Right One, if you keep voting, Brick could win, which is also a win. And then also if you keep voting producer Key, she says on the podcast longer like everyone's in a winter back, might detraction can bring proof? I no, absolutely not. I have loved having you on the podcast. I have loved recording alongside you. Anyway, Guys, you know the drill. Please mom, tea, your dad, tell you, doctor, your friends and shadel love because we love love