Life as a GringoDramos deep-dives into the breakthrough he had while in Puerto Rico and how you can rewrite your life's script to yield all that you want.
Let me talk about talk. Here we go, he said, he live in life as a.
Ringle, where you question where you fit in every time you mingle.
They say you do. This would not that my life as a dingo.
Yes, hello, and welcome to another episode of life as a gringo. I am dramas of course, and man, I am fresh off of a trip to Puerto Rico. I was planning on coming back. I was planning on coming back on my days are so thrown off right now. I was planning on coming back on not this last Sunday, the Sunday before him, and ended up just like basically having a mild panic attack about the idea of leaving and coming home.
And I just changed my flight, and then from.
There proceeded to by accident, book a flight from New York to Puerto Rico instead of Puerto Rico to New York and didn't realize it, so I was packing.
So then I had to stay a.
Whole nother day, almost a whole another day and a half to rebook another flight ended up being like a red eye. I didn't get back into the New York area New Jersey technically until Thursday, so I spent a week a solid week in Puerto Rico, which I'm not complaining about, especially because this trip in particular, and I'm not I promise I'm going somewhere with this.
This isn't me just looking for an opportunity to brag about how amazing my trip was, even though it was.
This trip though beyond like just like the fun I had on a spiritual and emotional and like.
Just heroes journey.
Level was probably the most impactful trip of my entire life. It kind of I'm going to get into that, you know, in a deeper sense, and I think there's a lot to unpack here that I think a lot of people can benefit from from hearing. But you know, like all of us, you know, I've been on a journey of really just trying to find myself, trying to you know, progress as a human being, be the best version of myself. I mean, we're all in that drink together, that's where we are involved in this community here, and.
Puerto Rico kind of felt like the culmination.
Of all of this hard work over the you know, I don't even know how many years at this point, and you know, it felt like it felt like my arrival, like the arrival of the man that I've been trying to be for so long, and I don't have disillusions of the fact that you know, obviously there's gonna be more growth and all these different things.
But it feels like I've finally.
Arrived at a like a new level that I can genuinely like see right, that I can feel it. And then there's been different moments. I think the initial sort of stages of life as a Gringo was another one of those phases where it was like, man, you just crossed into a whole nother threshold and unlocked this this next version of yourself. And I think this feels like a very similar moment that I'm sitting in, and it really speaks to a lot of what I talk about with Just Be, with the philosophy of the four pillars of conscious living and the idea of YouTube point zero right, where I talk about sort of living as the person you want to be today, right, and and sort of playing that character if you have to for a little bit, until it initial until eventually just becomes you, right. And I feel like in Puerto Rico it was like like, oh, we're no longer playing that character. This is just now us like I feel like I arrived at this particular destination, and obviously being in a place like Puerto Rico, where my ancestors are from, but the place that I think has so much history in terms of this journey of wanting to find myself. It was particularly I think, just like I do know this out of body experience, and I was reading I have been reading this book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and.
As sort of I think the universe does you know.
When I got back home over the weekend, I was sitting on my deck in my backyard with my dog, as we typically do, and I was just reading you know, the where I had left off, and they started talking about the idea of rescripting, right, like rewriting your life, and that's obviously in line with what I talked about with you two point zero, but it just felt so fucking like timely for what I've sort of just experienced, this evolution that I feel like I've just experienced, So I wanted to kind of bring that here because I found it to be incredibly powerful as I read it, and I want to just kind of share this experience that I've had. I mean, you know, you have all been along on this journey, those of you who have been listening, I mean, should We started this podcast in what twenty twenty one, so we're talking three years? I mean, I think, quite honestly, this summer was the literal three year anniversary of the podcast, right, So if you've been with me from the beginning, or you've listened to old episodes whereever long it's been, you've been with me as I've been evolving and I, you know, and as you've been evolving, and we've been kind of sharing ideas, you know, or I've been trying to to, you know.
Keep the pathways open to share ideas.
But I just wanted to like acknowledge this moment and sort of utilize it as a time to be like, man, like, this isn't all this all this like wellness and personal growth during all this stuff, Like it's for real, I like, I genuinely feel like a different person. So I want to share that, And I'm gonna start actually before I get into like my trip and that specific sort of I don't know, this like aha moment that I feel like I've had, I come to Jesus moment, the latest one I get I should say, I want to share before I get into I want to share kind of what this book talks about, because I think they word it very well.
With the idea of rescripting. Right.
So let's just I'm really excited to fucking dive into this. So we'll talk about kind of what the book says. We'll do that in a segment. Call for the people in the back say a.
Lot for the people in the back say a lot of the people, say a lot of the people.
All Right, So, if you're watching the video version of this, you see that I'm using unopened mail as my bookmark because I just do not read my mail.
And four, I mean, it's a problem. I need to do that.
But anyway, so there's something The way they word this I think is is maybe far better than I ever could.
Right.
But they talk about the idea of self awareness, right, which awareness is one of the pillars of conscious living. By the way, I don't need to brag here, but I'm not I'm not stating, you know, I'm not like, oh, I'm the fucking inventor of all these concepts.
Obviously.
All that I talk about is the culmination of like years of sort of studying and reading and things like that. But to pat myself on the back, I have to say I'm quite impressed with myself that prior to reading this book, many of the things that I have identified that to me are the crucial foundations for what I call conscious living are shared and co signed by a best selling book that has existed for a very long time, by somebody who has done far more like you know, collegiate academic research than I have ever have, right and probably ever will. Right. They've done this for a living. So the fact that I'm in line with that, I'm impressed with myself. You know, I am a person who skated by every single you know, great level of school that they have accomplished. I am bought of my class everywhere we go. So just patting myself on the back with that. But they talk about self awareness, right, And this is why I preach self awareness so much, and being able to look at yourself and sort of remove the emotion and remove the personal attachment and just sort of really, you know, objectively view yourself and your actions. Right, Because they talk about the idea where I'm gonna read this paragraph they say, in developing our own self awareness, many of us discover ineffective scripts, deeply embedded habits that are totally unworthy of us, totally incongruent with the things.
We really value in life.
And this sentence just punches me in the face, Like I don't know if it hit anybody else the same way.
And I'm gonna break it down to my own wording.
But it's the idea of unlearning essentially, right, It's the idea of like these narratives that we have in our mind about the world around us and about ourselves personally that are literally on a daily doing a disservice to us and the quality of life that we could be living.
Right, And this is.
Like I'm not trying, I'm not selling. I don't think I'm fucking like a salesperson here, but like this is what you have to focus your energy on, Like if something in your life is not what you want it to be, if you're not where you want it to be. And by the way, we all go through different phases, And this is something I had been struggling with as of late, even right like feeling like man, I feel so close to it all, but I keep falling short or I keep missing it, right, Like something is missing, I'm not connect some dot is not being connected to get me to the next.
Level that I want to achieve.
And that's why this sentence sort of hits me like a ton of bricks, right, because.
I'm carrying around.
An ineffective script about myself, about my capabilities and about the way other people view me, and as a result, I'm short changing myself in every aspect of my life. I'm short changing myself in the opportunities that I go for, right, not thinking big enough, not reaching out to the top people, but sort of thinking that I don't belong amongst them, telling myself that I'd be okay, just having the scraps essentially right beyond career wise, my quality of life, not realizing maybe my value as a man, as a potential partner, right, and to be completely candid, just for the sake of like, you know, anybody who is in a similar boat. And I think this is actually friendship wise, this is romantic wise, it could be applied in any way, but like really short changing myself of like thinking I'm not worthy of the type of people I want to be around, right, maybe you know, going after and pursuing women that are just not on the same wavelength as me, and being uncomfortable going after women that I deem to be of high value, right not feeling confident in my ability for them to be, not feeling confident in sort of my ability to garner their attention. And then even like I you know, as I'm speaking about this, because I think you can interchange, like I think relationships are relationships in general, friendship or romantic Obviously there's different, you know, there's different and dynamics within both, but it's still human and human connection breaking down, like you know, for me, even friendships, and I'm not taking anything away from the people that are in my life, but but sort of always being nervous about connecting with people that I look up to or that I think are interesting or doing cool things or that I'm inspired by. Right, Like, even I can go to events or like, you know, I talk a lot about how like I'm I love tapping into like subcultures and things like that. But I've been a voyeur for the most part. And I mean that at least creepy away possible. But I've been a voyeur, right, I've watched from afar because I've been afraid to actually take the next step of like introducing myself and trying to embed myself within that circle that I find to be inspiring because I think I'm not worthy. I think they're not going to like me or appreciate me, or I don't belong there. Right, So I'm like short changing myself in all of these aspects of my life because I have an ineffective script about myself and the practice of self awareness. I was aware of that, right. I learned this verbiage or the idea of ineffective script that I like from this book. But you know, in the practice of self awareness, I was, you know, able to see that about myself and at least try and make it a point to correct that I haven't been you know, previous to this last month, I hadn't been very successful at it, but it was something I was cognizant of, right, And that's the first step right there, And that then leads into the idea of like why YouTube point zero, you know, the idea of becoming who you want to be, you know, operating with your future self in mind. Right, that's what this book also talks about. Start at the end basically, right, like what do you want your life to look? Like, and then you go from you you you know, backtrack from there to the as a moment to actually make it happen.
Right. I talk about that with goal setting as well, But.
It's the idea, you know, when we sort of our self aware, then we identify what we want, who we want to be. It's sort of then saying, what is all the bullshit that I carry around on a regular basis, on a daily basis that is keeping me from being that person?
Right?
And for me, it was carrying around a lot of these feelings of not belonging, which leads to a lack of confidence, which leads to a lack of belief in my ability and my capability, which then means that I take the low hanging fruit because I think that that's all I could get, you know what I mean. Or I end up putting myself in positions where I am the big fish in a little pond basically, right, because that's.
More comfortable to me.
Or I go into rooms where there are these very dominant personalities and successful individuals and I sort of give them too much credit, to a degree of saying of almost taking away my worth or my value or or the fact that I do belong to be in that room, right, regardless if I've achieved as much as them or not. And the results of sort of living with this script, right, this ineffective script, is I'm not living up to the values that I want my life to be made up of.
Right.
In this book they talk about that, right, And he talks about the idea that because you're self aware, because you have imagination and conscience, you can examine.
Your deepest values.
He says, quote, I can realize that the script I'm living in is not in harmony with those values, That my life is not the product of my own proactive design, but the result of the first creation I have deferred to circumstances and other people.
Right.
So that was kind of a mouthful, but essentially saying that when you create the self awareness and analyze all that is happening in your life that you are not fond of or the person you are that you want to grow beyond, you're recognizing that you are not living in conjunction with your deepest values, right, and that your life and this is the trap that most people fall under. I like the way they said, your life is not a product of your own proactive design, right, what does that mean. It means your life, for many of us, is the result of going with the flow, and I don't mean that in a good way, going with the flow of what other people dictate your life should should look like or be right. So, rather than proactively designing your life as you see fit, you're falling into. Soiad norms of whatever it might be, graduate high school, graduate college, get married, get the white pay offense, get a corporate job, whatever it might be, and you're sort of like, this doesn't feel right, but it's what I'm supposed to do. You're not living a proactive life at that point. You're not proactively designing your life. And I think that's where many of us fall into. I know I've fallen into that, you know, for for so long, and I still struggle with it.
Because I watch other.
People obtaining things, or getting titles, or being able to do certain things that I wish I could do or I want to do on a very superficial level, and I long for that to a degree because it's comfortable, because it is no longer the unknown. Right, the path of of your authenticity is oftentimes going to sort of involve going out into the dark forest basically, right, it's the path of the unknown, because the path that's illuminated, the path that is carved out, is not your path. That's somebody else's path, and many of us are walking down other people's paths essentially, right, So sud enormous and standards is kind of the thing I'm getting at here. And oftentimes why we are unhappy, why we feel like something is missing in our life, is because we are living a life that is not in unison with what we actually want and who we actually are and what actually makes us happy or what would actually make us happy. And you know, I've been on this journey of trying to fight against that and create my own version of happiness and what that means to me. And it's been a roller coaster ride ups, downs, great things, bad things, whatever, it might be, difficult moments. And I think this last year, the last two years really in particular, have been consistently brutal because I've gotten far more clarity on what would actually make me happy, and I'm far more aware of the things in my life that are not in line with that. And what makes it brutal is that I'm operating based upon ineffective scripts.
Right.
So, and this is the process I think we all have to go through where you get to a point you just say fuck, enough is enough, because you become aware of like, what do I want my life to look like?
Oh? Cool, I wanted to look like that.
And then you sort of are just tripping, stumbling, falling, cutting yourself, hurting yourself, walking a path. And it's frustrating as fuck because now you see all the flaws in your everyday life that are not in line with who you want to be.
But it's frustrating because it's like I'm trying.
I'm trying, but I keep falling back at these old habits or these old patterns, or the same type of people end up around me, or I can't seem to get a grip on this on that, And it's because you still haven't found a way to shake those those ineffective scripts. You still haven't rescripted your life completely in a way that it now just becomes second nature to you. But this is all a part of the process, right The bumps, the bruises, the scrapes along the way are all a part of that process until you get to a point where you are so fucking conscious of what you're doing wrong that now in those moments, you begin to have that other voice in your head that whispers what you actually need to be doing the uh you know, to what is quote unquote right for you and not to by the way, like, even with this level of awareness, I still was falling short while in Porto Ricords.
I'm gonna gain in to kind of where this is going.
But like I would do it right, do it right, do it right, in line, I'm fucking living as my authentic self, And then all of a sudden one of those ineffective scripts would pop up in my head and I would delay, delayed, to like get nervous, and all of a sudden I wouldn't act as I wanted.
To act right. So it's there's still process.
Of unlearning, but it's exciting to me because now I have this fucking proof of what I'm capable of, of who I am and how others perceive me, that I can rest on that and say, no, the ineffective script in your mind is complete bullshit. You are not that person. And while the internal struggle might happen a little bit, I can push past it because I have now this proof of who I actually am and me two point zero is no longer me acting, but it actually is a real part of me now that I can tap into. I just have to keep the awareness up, and that's rescripting my I'm rescripting my life now, right. I'm getting rid of that ineffective script that was holding me back from really stepping into my fucking power. And that's sort of what culminated while in Puerto Rico. And I'm gonna get into that because I just think it's you know, I don't know, it's an exciting moment for me, and it's proved that all I've been talking about for these last few years isn't bullshit. So we're going against that for Army hint that segment. But first we'll take a quick break and then we'll be right back.
All right. So this trip to Puerto Rico, it didn't really start.
Out as anything outside of the norm, right, I didn't have many expectations beyond you know, having a good time. For anybody that's been following me the last you know, whatever it's been for two years or so, I've made it a point to go to Puerto Rico, you know, at least every every three months, you know, and my grandfather was living out there. He sadly passed earlier in August, but you know, I would would go out and and see him, and I would just like travel by myself and wander the island a bit, and I would meet up with certain friends that I knew I had out there, certain connections, but mostly it was just sort.
Of me and myself. Right, And.
You know, this, this trip, I think was a culmination of a lot of that journey. I think for starters, me traveling on a regular basis there by myself and doing all the things that give many of us anxiety. Going out to eat by yourself, you know, just walking around by yourself, flying by yourself, being a hotel by yourself, all those things. Right, I forced myself into those situations to sort of trial by fire. Be okay with being alone, be okay with going to events by myself, Be okay with not having somebody there, you know, in awkward moments where everybody else seems like they're socializing and I have nobody to talk to, right, really trying to retrain my brain because for the longest time I operated in a place of I would find out that these really cool amazing events that I wanted to check out. I hit up my friends and they wouldn't want to go. They weren't into whatever it might be. And I would never go because I was scared to go alone. So I think the trips to Puerto Rico began to sort of be this unlearning of that unknowingly to me, but that's what it began to be. And then even you know, going to see my grandfather and you know, and his wife and you know, they speak limited English, and my Spanish not being amazing. That was intimidating for me because I didn't have my parents to lean on. I didn't have my sister, who Spanish was even worse than mine, to sort of make me look good by comparison. Right, I was driving there by myself and sitting there, you know, in their living room and having to have conversations and make it work right, and all of that again trial by fire. My Spanish became much better as a result of doing these things right. But you know, that was sort of a journey that I I was mildly conscious of it, but for the most part, subconsciously was me unlearning a lot of these scripts.
Right.
Obviously I didn't have the vocabulary for that. But something clicked for me this last month. It began just a couple of weeks before Puerto Rico, and I think the starting point for it was actually July, right. It was around the time of the Puerto Rican Day Parade here.
In New York.
And in New York they have the street Festival the day before, one hundred and sixteenth Street Festival in Spanish Harlem and O Barrio, and I was djaying it, right, and I've done that.
This is my second year doing it. And that whole weekend there's usually a bunch of cool.
Like Puerto Rican related festival festivities and things like that, same sort of thing. I've always seen it from afar, never had somebody to go with, so I didn't want to go by myself type of thing. And there was this artist who was having a event at his art gallery in Brooklyn and he does these really he's a really dope street artist. But he does these hats like you know, like Yankee hats, but he like throws his art on them and does these different concepts. They do shirts and everything too, And I have bought a couple of his pieces in the past, and you know, we kind of I don't remember if you followed me on social media a while back, whatever it might be, but I kind of connected with a guy he'd worked with a lot when I was at the breakfast club and whatever falling from afar being a voyeur basically as I as I genuinely lean on being unfortunately, but this particular time, he was dropping a hat that that, you know, Puerto Rican theme hat, and I made it a point to be like, fuck it, he's doing this event.
I want to go. I'm gonna support beyond just buying it.
I'm gonna go pick it up in person and go to this event and gonna do it by myself and and just sit through the discomfort of not knowing anybody.
And that's what I.
Did, And I feel like that was like the first big challenge that I overcame as far as some of my social anxiety, my difficulty with you know, my confidence and things like that, where I was just like, fuck it, I'm going to do this. I'm gonna and in retrospect doesn't feel like that big of a deal, but at the time it was because you're stepping into a very niche community. It's beautiful and I love all they've built, but everybody seemed to know each other right or have some sort of connection that came with a friend. And I'm there and it's not a huge gallery, so eventually you kind of walk around and you go through all the different vendors and things like that, but you run out of sort of things to occupy your awkwardness.
And I've never met this artist in person.
We've barely spoken via Instagram a little bit, and you know, I introduced myself to him and we connect. We kind of bs for a little bit, but he's like, you know, he's host, he's playing host. He's bouncing around doing his thing. So I'm left alone for a lot of the time period, you know, And that was like my first like, hey, I saw people that I am inspired by what they're doing. I saw an event that I wanted to be a part of, and I forced myself to participate. That is what dramas to He doesn't wait for the perfect moment, He doesn't rely on anybody else to be his plus one to feel comfortable. If he sees something he wants to do, if he sees somebody he wants to meet, and he sees a community that he's inspired by he goes out there and extends a hand and.
Tries to be a part of it or support it in some sort of way.
So that was the first step, and there's like a part be to this sort of journey of that sort of level of confidence. And you know, the irony is like I go and meet him and he's like, you know, introducing me to people, and he's hyping up what I do. Oh, this is dramas. He's a DJ on the radio and he does this podcast. He does a lot of really cool shit. So it's like I'm sitting here thinking I'm not good enough to be there, but somebody else is hyping me up to other people that they think I'm worthy of them meeting type of thing.
Right.
So again that goes back to psychology of the way we see ourselves is not oftentimes how other people ped of us.
Right.
We often, for many of us, denigrade ourselves to the point that we don't see ourselves with the value that others are able to see in us.
Right.
So that was the start and the point and the other the b story to this that like I feel I feel awkward even talking about because I don't know how it's going to come across. But I was I was listening to another podcast and it was a guy kind of talking about like, you know, young men and their motivations oftentimes, right, And.
There's no way around it. If you are a heterosexual young man, much of your motivation is centered around women and attracting the women that you are attracted to. Right. And for men, many of.
Us, our greatest fear is the idea of rejection from a woman that we are you know, attracted to. And for many men, they fear approaching women in public type of thing, right, And I was one of those many men I have been for a long time, you know.
And for me, I'm most embarrassed to fuck it a bit this, But for the sake of.
Transparency, I've always been like more of an Instagram DM or kind of guy because that's a little bit easy, right, It's less like I don't have to keep your attention in real time.
It's whatever. It's like a joke almost if like you ghost me or something in it.
Right, the rejection is not as harsh as like I go up to you and say hi, my name is dramas, what's your name, and you're like fuck off?
Right, that's like a heartbreaking.
Potential scenario that could happen in actually approaching a woman in IRL in real life.
Right, But.
That's not the type of person that I want to be in either situation. I don't want to be the type of person who is so you know, down on himself or lacks confidence to think that other people would be interested in meeting him, because again that then bleeds into every other aspect of my life, for me speaking up in my career, for me, you know, trying to gain opportunities career wise, like that lack of confidence bleeds into all of these.
Other aspects of my life.
So again after years of like being out of an event because also by the way I go to networking events, I end up just talking to people I came there with like I'm the worst, and it's like, so you went to this, and or unless people come up to me. But it's like, god knows how many fucking opportunities I left on the table because I was afraid to be social in a social setting.
I've talked about this before.
I don't know if it's on the podcast or in like the just Be Social club, but I've been like I'm the type of dude that if I saw my neighbor go outside to their car and I was about to go outside, I would watch the window and wait till they went back in the house, just so I could avoid having a casual conversation with them, right, Like, that's my social anxiety. So with women, it was times ten. And then you're like, oh, that's a you know, a woman that I'm attracted to. She is looks interesting and boop. No, I'm like, oh I should talk to her. No, I'm wait, leit me wait, oh wait, it's that's the perfect moment.
Oh wait, she's she looks at she's on her phone. Oh, she's talking this person. Oh wait.
And the next thing, bye, she's gone. Like my soulmate probably I probably my soulmate was probably out there and I just let her go because of social anxiety.
I was.
I was too concerned and thinking of every possible situation to avoid talking to her.
Right.
And it sounds silly, but again, that mindset would bleed into other aspects of my life. Right, the fact that I didn't feel worthy of being around the people I was interested in being around.
So I'm like, I'm dragging out this story a.
Bit I'm gonna try to condense it, but you know, I got to the point where the disappointment began to make my blood boil, like me missing those opportunities of potentially meeting somebody, whether it's professionally or romantically, just trying to bother me like and again, is because I became hyper aware of like, this is not in line with the man that I want to be. Right, The man that I want to be is confident. The man that I want to be does not leave opportunities on the table, whatever they might be. He sees something that he's interested in pursuing, be it a job opportunity, be it a personal relationship, and he goes and explores it with the confidence of knowing.
He is good enough to get it right.
And whether or not he whether or not I do, is not a reflection of my value. But I'm at least going to try this particular you know, endeavor if you will, because I know I deserve it and it could potentially up quality of life. And I think I was speaking in circles here a bit, but bear with me, because it's just a weird topic to even talk about her confess out loud. But the frustration built up, and frustration created hyper awareness to the moments that I was selling myself short. So I think eventually I gotten to the point that I'm so aware of the fact that I'm selling myself short, and I'm so aware of the fact that I'm not living in line with who I want to be, that I just became angry with myself to the point that I would go and just fucking act, you know. So it started. I was in the city a couple of weeks ago doing an advance. I saw a girl that I thought was attractive, and I just went started a casual conversation with her. Nothing really came of it. We exchanged you know, like social media info. But that was the first breakthrough of like, hey, you saw somebody you thought was interesting, you started a conversation.
The world didn't end. You're still here, and that was that.
So that began to I think springboard and to me, ripping away a bit of that fear and beginning to really live is the man I wanted to be. I'm gonna pause on that thought. We'll take a quick break and then we'll be right back. All right, we are back, and now fast forward to Puerto Rico right. Puerto Rico is This trip in particularly was special because two of my oldest friends, one of them I've known since I was in kindergarten, the other one I've known since I was about sixteen. They actually were going to join me on this trip. So this is the first time I was traveling with somebody in a long time and.
We had actually gone to Puerto Rico together.
It popped up on my Facebook like memories literally twelve years ago, almost of the date, so it was cool. It's like, man, we've been friends for so long, We're going to like reconnect now, because you know, I had gotten busy and I'm not as around as I used to be. But it's like, these are my guys, and we're going to recreate, reconnect in a place where we had some really funny memories that we still talk about to this day.
So anyway, they were going to meet me out there. I flew in a couple of days early.
And as I mentioned you, my grandfather had passed and normally a part of my routine is going to visit him. And this again is me acting as Drama's two point zero because his wife and I say his wife, because he remarried, so she's not techning my grandmother. But you know, she had made it a point to my mom saying that, you know, sort of like insinuating that she would have liked me for me to come over as normal. And initially I was like, oh, I'm not gonna do that. That's gonna be so awkward. Right, I don't even have my grandfather there to lean on. She speaks, doesn't speak like a lick of English. My grandfatherly spoke a little bit. That's going to be awkward. But I pushed myself, right, I said, now I'm gonna do this. That's the person that I want to be. I'm not going to allow fear of an awkward conversation take me away from connecting with another human being and one that I've actually built a bit of a relationship with, just because it might be slightly awkward. So I went, you know, I took the hour drive over there, and I spent a couple hours with her. You know, I had lunch and were there a couple awkward moments in my own head shore but not really. And on top of that, it forced me to dig deep in my bag of Spanish and maybe an even more confident like Spanish speaking person to start the week off with, to the point that, you know, again patting myself in the back. She talked to my mom after that and said, she's really impressed my Spanish improved so much over the last year. Literally, I spent a couple hours just speaking Spanish with somebody who doesn't speak English. I couldn't have said that a year ago, two years ago, but now here I am right, And I wouldn't have known that about myself if I didn't force myself into that situation. And again, that's what drama those two point zero does. He goes for it. He pushes himself, he wants to see what he's all about. He challenges himself.
And you know.
Then after that, that night, I go and meet up with a friend of mine who I know that lives down there. He takes me onto a couple of local spots that I had no idea even existed. And I'm in those spots. I get there before he does my worst nightmare ever. Right, So I sit at the at the bar of one of the spots and the guy there strikes up a conversation with me. Right, he compliments I had like an vinted Yankees hat on and compliments that we're just we get into talking about clothing and things like that. So now we've initiated this sort of relationship. Right, So now I just met somebody. And by the way, the space that they operate out of it is like, not only is it a bar restaurant, it's like a whole concept space. It's like they do events there. They have a clothing store in the front that is really dope. And he's actually a local designer, like he has his own clothing brand. So we're we hop around and we end the night back at that same bar and what is drama And by the way, dramas old version of dramas, the ineffective script kicked in right because me and this kidder are bullshitting and then once my friend comes, I sort of turn all my energy to my friend and he's like, oh, let's go hop around, And part of me is like, Okay.
I should probably swap info of this kid.
Like you know, on Instagram, I follows clothing company because we have similar interests and I want to connect with people from the island. But the old version of me like panicked and was like, okay, let's go and just fucking leaves without saying any buy or buy or anything like that. So now, lucky for me, we end up back there. But old Dramas would have potentially lost out on a great connection that he wanted to have. I want to connect with people in Port. I want to be able to go there and meet other creatives and go to events and hang out with these people and be a part of the actual local community. Right, But my old programming stepped in the way and got in the way of me doing that in the moment. Lucky for me, after we kind of made our rounds, we ended our night there to get one more drink and he was still working. And what did Dramas two point oh do. Dramo's two point oh said, hey, let me let me get your your Instagram or we'll follow each other back. Let me get your your clothing company's Instagram. I want to check it out. Boom, connection made right, And that then comes full circle to the next day. I have a couple of hours to kill before my friend's flight gets in and I'm like, let.
Me go check out the clothing store because it was closed at.
The time when I When I went, they don't. They're not open at night, only the bars. I go into the clothing store. That same kid is now working at the clothing store.
What happens?
I go and now I have a familiar face. I'm in Puerto Rico, a place that I don't live, but because I made it a point to create a relationship the night before, I now walk in and greeted by a familiar face and he's telling me all about the store, and I'm getting the whole tour, like, oh yeah, they print everything right over here and.
We just bring it right to the store.
So now I'm tapping in with these really awesome creatives that I'm really inspired by, and I'm no longer a voyeur. I'm participating in the conversation of this community.
Right And I left this part out, But.
Full circle, man, I'm a shit story teller of times, But full circle. The event that I went to in Brooklyn a couple months prior that I mentioned was like the kickoff to this. Ironically, they were having an event in Puerto Rico the same week I was going to be there, so I hit them up again. Drama's two point zero hit them up and said, Yo, if you need a DJ I'm gonna be down there.
I would love to do a set at this event.
They said, bet, so we did that, So we're going to do that right at this point of the store, I hadn't done it yet. But ironically, the way the universe works, and this is why you have to put yourself out there because everything is so fucking interconnected. Ironically, the kid that I met at this bar that also works at the clothing store, he was telling me about this event and I was like, dude, I'm djaying that event. So now it happens. Fast forward to Saturday. I'm at the event that I'm djaying. Guess who I see again? That same kid again. Now we are building a rapport. We're bullshiting with each other. Next day in another event because I stayed a little bit longer than I was supposed to go to an event to support who do I see the same kid?
He's got his clothing line and display. Now we're bullshitting about that.
Now I've built a genuine connection with somebody who is actually from the town that I literally have a house in, so literally eight minutes from the house that I have, and by among that I stay in my family's house.
I now have.
Somebody that I can go shit with, and somebody who was involved in art and entrepreneurial adventures and is a creative and is tapped into the scene all that I want And how did that happen? Because I lived as the person that I want to be. I lived as a confident person who makes connections and is not a voyeur but is actually a participant. Now the b story to this we talk about women, right And I'm not saying this to be braggadocious, but I'm saying this because, as I mentioned, as a young man, the idea of getting the attention of women that you are attracted to has been placed as a very high priority, especially as.
A single man. Right.
So, and this is actually I think why it was like this full circle moment for me because these two friends of mine I've known since I was very young, and often the dynamic of our friendship because I was the youngest, it felt like I was kind of like the runt of the group. I was the you know, the not not that they weren't good friends to me, but it was kind of like I was, you know, the younger brother type of deal. And the beauty of this trip was that because I've been coming to Puerto Rico for so long by myself and exploring. Now it was like I was able to kind of show them around and bring them to all the places that I loved here and play host and like they had a blast and they were so grateful and appreciative and like literally we had such a good time, like eight great food, We were fucking dancing our asses off, we just had laughing our asses off. Everything was great. Like it was just amazing. We had a blast together. And that I think for me was shedding a bit of that older skin of being the younger brother who was like relying on them to show me the ropes type of thing, right, And I think that was a big confidence boost. And then getting back to the beat story as far as women goes something just again, I think the the awareness of the frustration of missed opportunities that I had in my head, I think just turned me into a different person, right, And again that old programming still existed because the first night we went out, I saw a couple of women that I was attracted to, one of which was like made it very out. She literally eye contact smiled at me while walking back to her friends. And I was, and I got in my own head and didn't.
Go talk to her.
Another girl literally had a whole conversation with me on our way to the bathroom, our way back from the bathroom, and I had a panic attack, like because my Spanish was like not coming to mind, you know, and she was speaking Spanish to me.
And then literally I had two bartenders staring me down.
And I'm not again I'm not saying it's me braggadocious, but again it's like you don't see yourself with either. See, you had two bartenders staring me down. In my mind, I'm panicking. I just said I waved them and said hi, and one of them came over and said, oh, sorry, we were staring.
We just we were both saying we really liked your outfit. So it's like, bro, I'm viewing myself.
I'm like, in my mind, I'm this scared kid who like has nothing to offer. Meanwhile, all these people are reiterating like, hey, we find you interesting, even if it's not romantically.
We like your style.
We think you're you are just interesting and worthy of just saying hi to and talking to. But in my mind, I'm scared to even start a fucking conversation because I think.
I'm not worthy.
Right again, that is that that inefficient script that has been leading my life. So like all of that again, that first bar was painfully obvious to be. I get really frustrated myself because like, what the fuck you're missing? Who knows what this opportunity could have been, right, maybe you know, whatever it was, whatever, whatever, whatever it could have led to. Uh but you know, but uh but I was mad at myself because I was like, bro, they're like missing opportunity.
And now that I was like, these are people I'm.
Actually attracted to, Like you're really just dropping the fucking ball here for no reason whatsoever. So we go to whatever the next spot and still kind of like same deal. I'm I'm in my old script, and I think what began to break me out of it was like suave men thing comes on. Obviously, Ett's going crazy dancing. My one friend he just grabbed, like you know, some girls dancing and he like extends his hand and she starts dancing with him.
So there's a bunch of friends with them.
I'm like, fuck it, now I'm gonna I'm gonna extend my hand and grab one of the other friends to start dancing, and thankfully, you know, she was a girl from the white girl from the States, so she had no idea how to dance menenge, so I look like a fucking professional at the right. But that was again old that was drama's one point zero. Wait for your friend to make the first move. Then you feel confident enough to interject yourself once he's proven, like the waters are warm or whatever, right, And I think that like kicked in my head. That's you know, it was like, wait a second, you're falling back into old habits. But be this girl was more than willing to dance with you, so stop short changing yourself.
And then we ended the night at some other.
Spot, and that I think was when it all clicked, where I saw a bridal party and I just was like, fuck it, I'm gonna go and start a conversation with the bride to be and that leads into like me meeting all the bridesmaids and like me getting one of their phone numbers and where you know where they happened to be from Jersey City, which is where I used to live and whatever. Now it's like, okay, now we're gonna meet up whatever. One of these days going down the line. But then it's that all like was like, oh, what a fantastic chain of events that has happened over the last couple of days. I made a connection professionally or friendship wise with creatives down in Puerto Rico, just by like opening myself up and now romantically theoretically, by using the same action just being confident and being open to talking to people, I made another connection.
So what happens the next line?
I go out and at that point, I'm literally just like operating from Drama's two point zero from start to finish in the night, I'm going up to every girl that I basically find attractive, and I'm just starting a conversation and I'm holding a conversation and amidst all this, it's like years of this fucking self doubt that has been weighing me down, layers that are just coming off and coming off and coming off. And I wish it was like, you know, you know, less superficial moment as like you know, hitting on girls at a bar. But it was like this arrival of like, this is who the fuck I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be somebody who knows his value and has no problem inserting himself in situations that he wants to be a part of. And that continued on the next night when we went to another club and I'm just fucking talking to random women left and right and exchanging information, holding conversations, and like that extends into again fucking when I made my trip even longer.
Sunday, I go to that other event by myself. What do I do? The same thing.
I saw a girl whose style I really liked, and I approached her. We end up having like a two hour conversation that leads to us then literally gallivanting around San Juan. We meet up with her other friend who's just getting off work at a club. Her friend's also a DJ boom. Another connection just happened. Where do we go? They know about a local fucking bar that is having a legendary reggathone DJ play.
What is it? What happens?
I'm listening to reggathon classic Cregaton in Puerto Rico, and it's unlike anything I've ever experienced in my entire life.
Reregadon just hits different.
When you're on the island and I'm watching a legend who was djaying in the fucking nineties, when all this shit was beginning to pop off. I'm there hearing their set, and I'm fucking dancing and I'm sweating my ass off to it, and I'm literally just having this experience this night that is beyond what I could have ever comprehended. All started by going to an event by myself and approaching a stranger by myself, a person that I found to be interesting, and that literally had a domino effect into a night that I'm not going to forget. And two things come to mind here for me that I'm going to end on. And she was a She was a local, by the way, which hits on past trauma of life as a geningo. If you ever heard me tell the story where the gringo title sort of comes from the memory that I have in my head is going out with my aunt who lived in Puerto Rico, trying to hit on one of her friends, and her friend called me a gringo, and like all my confidence was lost at that point, where, like you know, like.
I felt like I was an outsider.
So I grew up feeling like an outsider when I would go to Puerto Rico and now here, I am hitting on the women that are local and tourists, but at the same time Sunday, specifically talking to a local girl who's an artist down there and doing her own thing and literally going off and having a night with her and her friends in a local spot in Puerto Rico and feeling very much at home doing so. I just rescripted a narrative that I've had for the entirety.
Of my life in one week.
Obviously there's a lot of work that went into it, but I'm no longer an outsider. I land in Puerto Rico, I have friends on the island. I know who's doing creative shit. I can tap in with them. I know other DJs, I know.
Other artists, I know what spots to go to.
All of that started though, by forcing myself into uncomfortable situations that were in line with the man that I wanted to be, and I just lost my train of thought with the other thing. I should have fuck write it down that was thinking of.
But I think it's just.
Examples and a real life example as it happens to me in the moment, of how close we are to the life that we want to live and how much of us not being there is due to our way of thinking and not external circumstance.
And obviously this is fresh and old.
All those that old script still exists, and I'm making it a point to like build off of this where I was talking about therapist about this, and it's like, how do we keep this up? How do we sort of keep working out this muscle? So my goal is, like every every day, if I go out in public, I'm just going to compliment a random person or start a conversation with them to force myself into even if it's a fucking dude, you know, or whatever it might be, like somebody I'm not interested in romantically, just to keep building that muscle, to retain that confidence that I've grown, right, And I think, you know that's it's actually emotional for me when I think about that, right, the idea that I always felt like an outsider, and now here I am and I'm a part of something in some small way, even even if I'm not directly connected to it. I have ties to this community that I've always wanted to be a part of. I've ties to people who are doing amazing things that are creative and inspiring to me. That's what I've always longed for. I always felt so alone in that. And when it comes to the context of like my old friends, it was kind of like my coming out party as far as like, hey, I'm not that kid anymore. That like felt like he was tagging along with what you guys were doing. I've become my own man, and I have a lot of value to offer, and this is the new dynamic of our friendship. It's no longer sort of me being that young, younger brother, Like I am a peer who has a lot to offer, you know, our our dynamic, and there are going to be scenarios where you have to take a back seat to me and vice versa. But you know, in previous things, it was always like I would be the one to take.
The back seat.
And that's just really empowering and again leaves me with this confidence of like, Okay, now I've seen my value in the real world.
And again that.
Speaks to the perception we have of ourselves. We short change ourselves. What's stopping me from accomplishing so many of my dreams?
Right?
What's stopping me from getting in these rooms with powerful people and not being intimidated by it? Because I also know I have a lot of power and a lot of things to bring to the table, A lot of power even if it's not success wise in comparison to them, A lot of power in my talent and my skill set and the way that my mind works. And by the way, this even like even Lady up to Puerto Rico, I went out on a landman approached a high up executive at my company about some new ideas, like bypassed any middle management, literally went straight to the top, and they actually responded to me. But like again, now, I don't know what's going to happen with that, But what does that do. I'm planting high fuck, I'm planting high level seeds. Here a top executive at a gigantic company now knows how my mind works and is impressed by my idea, and who knows a week from now, six months, around a year from now, an opportunity presents itself. I'm now a person who's in his head as far as this could be a right fit for him or an opportunity right because I had the confidence to insert myself into a room that maybe my resume doesn't dictate that I should be there, but internally I know I have the knowledge.
And skill set to operate at that.
Level, and I don't know, I don't know what the fucking second thought I was gonna have.
I really feel disappointed in myself. I lost my train of thought.
I probably hit it somewhere in this in this summary I just gave you. I just didn't do it as concisely as I wanted to.
But yeah, it just was a life changing trip.
And really, again, the culmination of like oh, Drama's two point zero has actually arrived. I'm no longer playing character now grant again old habits there hard I could easily slip back into Drama's one point oh, but with further practice, in a way awareness, we can now maintain this new elevated version of ourselves that we have become. So I just want to share that, and we'll take a quick break and I'll kind of summarize a bit more in our conclusions too.
But we'll take quick break and they'll be right back.
Time for com all right, So I'm not gonna lie to you. I feel like this has been one of the more vulnerable episodes I've ever had, at least in a while, because Particula as a man we're supposed to be confident. You know, much of our value is like our ability to get women, get the girl type of thing. And here I am telling you that I viewed myself basically as like this loser who couldn't talk to women unless they spoke to me first. And again, like that bled into so many different avenues aspects of my life. And I'm arriving again at now like that's not a real reality.
The reality is quite the opposite. Oh, and this is what the fuck I was gonna get at.
I found it, I found the thought. And I want to preface what I'm gonna say. This isn't a cry for help. I'm not wanting to hurt myself. I'm not wanting to harm myself. I don't want life to end. But I'm gonna give you a very real, honest dialogue about some of the internal things that I struggle with or I think about.
And this trip reminded me.
Of all that life has to offer, because I think what has happened to me.
As I have.
Gotten the podcast and I've settled into a bit of a routine of comfort and then moved away from like you know, the city, and that more exciting being in the light type of lifestyle that I had during that point when I lived out there. I've isolated myself a lot, and my days have become a bit more routine, a bit less flashy, a bit less exciting, and to a degree, I love the calm and the quiet. I love being relaxed. I don't feel the need to be out all the time. But there is a part of me that felt like things are kind kind of stale, and at times I would think to myself, is this all that life has to offer? It's cool, it's fine, but is this really it? Or And again, this isn't a cry for help. This is just me being very real about certain thought intrusive.
Thoughts that happened.
I would think to myself, I've done a lot of cool shit, like would it really matter if you know, there wasn't a tomorrow almost And I was talking to somebody. Somebody brought this up to me a friend, And that's why I'm speaking out loud now, because I realize I'm not the only one who has thoughts like this, And it's like the idea of like, yeah, things are cool, they're good, but like, I don't know, is there anything really exciting left around the corner, right, Like you just kind of go through the motions a little bit sometimes, And I think what this trip reminded me of.
It brought me back to.
Sort of when I was a bit younger in my twenties, when when I started on this journey of like trying to get a real career in music and entertainment. Not to say things were perfect and I didn't struggle with depression, but life was so fucking exciting, like it was. I didn't know what to expect tomorrow. I didn't know where the night was gonna take me. I was just fucking flowing with it. And I often think back to that time period. I'm like, man, that kid, while he was broken living at home and he didn't feel great about that, he didn't realize just how valuable that time period was.
Where he.
Was just like so hyper present and inflow with life and like having all these crazy adventures good and bad, but like he was fucking living man. And I sort of, you know, now, in my thirties, got to a point of thinking, like, you know, that feeling of really living, it's not really existent, and maybe it can't exist once you gain responsibilities, you know, once you have to answer for certain things, and I.
Say that I don't even have fucking kids, I have a dog. I have to worry about it.
And even that, it's like, man, you're telling me, I can't just keep canceling my flight to come back home. I have to go and like pick up my dog, or I have business to run that I have to get back to. And what this trip reminded me of was like you can have a bad balance of that, you could still have that excitement of that journey. And by way, I'm not even just talking about getting sucked up and like you know, like just going on a twelve hour drinking bender or whatever it might be. But even I'm talking about like I meet that one kid, he's just me, this person all of a sudden meeting this DJ. So it's like that sense of adventure and discovery is what I'm talking about.
That's what makes life worth living to me.
It's the endless potential for discovery. And what I've recognized is that is still available to me, but I have to open myself up to it. And I've always struggled with social anxiety. But because I inserted myself or I was a bit more proactive in my twenties. I was lucky enough to have a close friend who was into all the same shit that I was into, and we were running around like trying to become DJs together basically, so and he was more social than I was, so he would sort of be the buffer, and without him and I kind of had different.
Circles that recreated that experience.
But like now, sort of living an hour outside of New York, having responsibilities out here, having a little bit more of a quiet life, I began to take myself out of sort of what I would say, really living that idea of experiencing, of being very present and and yeah, I think experiencing is probably the word. And I closed myself off, you know, beyond my social anxiety. But then also like literally as far as where I live in those things and how much I go out and stuff like that. And what that trip showed me was the experience of living is very much still available to you, and it doesn't have to revert back to you know, your irresponsible twenties actions or whatever it is, right.
You can still have that. You could still have that experience.
And keep your shit together and have your responsibilities like life the idea of like experiencing the freshness of life doesn't have to end just because I got responsibilities, right, And obviously it's a bit more of a balancing act that it was back then, but it's still available to me, but I have to make an effort and open myself up to it. And I recognize that there's so much more life to be living. Right when I was there, it was like, man, what is tomorrow going to bring? I want to just keep seeing more and more. I want to keep meeting more and more people. I want to keep going to these different things. It was like my zest for life came back, right, And that's literally available to me everywhere everywhere now. Obviously the suburbs, you know, not as quite as exciting as a place, but there's.
Interesting people to meet everywhere. There's events for me to go to, even if it is in New York. I can go by myself. Now, I can do all those things right.
I can squeeze all of the excitement out of this thing called life, and the experience is out of this thing called life as long as I am unafraid to put myself in those situations.
And that is going to be different.
For all of us that what makes you feel like you're alive and makes you feel like you're living is going to be different for all of us.
It might be fucking fishing.
For some of you go fishing more often, if that's the case, right, It's different for each and every one of us. But for me, me, I tapped into the idea of community, of inserting myself in community, and all of a sudden, I realized how much fucking there is to be lived, right, And that's what's exciting to me, And that's what I'm proud of, as like Drama is three point zero, like.
Doing things that are in line with his ideals and who he wants to be and what he wants his life to look like.
And I'm like, I'm going back to Puerto Rico and I'm going back to port Rico in two weeks, right because I'm trying to like make sure I foster and continue to facilitate those relationships that I built, right, and I'm figuring out ways to like put myself in Puerto Rico that I can, like, you know, make money and be down there and do things right. I'm opening myself up to life. I'm no longer watching it from Instagram or Facebook at the time when I was younger. I'm actually saying I can be a part of this. I'm going to figure out a way to be a part of it because it makes me feel fucking alive, right, And that's like, again the culmination of these fucking bitter two years and like beating myself up and being so self aware that I at times hated myself for falling short on what I knew I was capable of. That's the culmination of all of those moments. You have to go through the storm. You have to fucking be so frustrated with yourself for the fifteen thousand fucking time that you've not done the thing you said you were going to do, and then all of a sudden it clicks and you're like, no more, enough is fucking enough. And again, that's what this trip was for me. I rewrote the script of my life. Dramo's two point zero has finally arrived. He's no longer a character that I play, but he's the fucking person talking to you. And that's what I you know, I want for everybody listening. And that's why I share this sort of moment because it's a culmination of all the things I've been talking about. And again it's not done going to be the next iteration of me, right, But that is all a part of this process. In order for me to achieve the next level, I first have to, you know, in order for me to achieve you know, whatever three levels ahead, I first have to step into the next one. I can step into the next one again, like life is a good go me stepping into my authenticity of the thing I was ashamed of was a huge moment for me in my life.
That's a next level.
Now, this is another fucking level that I've stepped into through a lot of hard work, right, and it's going to provide a lot of amazing moments, just like life is going to go and everything came along with it did, and then eventually I'm.
Probably gonna go through another storm of.
Like all right, growth again, level up to the next version of yourself, the new version of yourself at forty that wants something different. But the beauty is like, once you have consciously built the life that you want in the present moment, you recognize your ability to continue to do so for the rest of your life. Essentially, you recognize that that power lies within you. It's all your mindset. It's all about how you're scripting your future and scripting who you want to be and against like starting with the end in mind, as the book mentions, and it's shedding the script, the the ineffective scripts that are holding you back from elevating to that next level when you know it's time to do.
So.
So yeah, that's uh, that's I want to share with you. I hope that wasn't just me, you know, talking mindlessly to myself, but it's a beautiful feeling. I don't know where the fuck tomorrow, what tomorrow is going to bring, and I haven't figured out a lot of shit, but there's a piece that came along with like just this next iteration of myself and being proud of him and all that he's like worked through and the man that he's become as a result. So yeah, and thank you all for listening and giving me the confidence to kind of keep going on this journey of finding myself and.
Searching for community and being a part of this community and all that.
So yeah, thank you all so much.
What I'm gonna end there, I appreciate you. Just good to be back.
I will catch you on Thursday for our Thursday Trends episode, So that stay safe and we'll talk soon.
Life as a G is
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