One episode was just not enough to fully cover Queen Latifah’s unforgettable Red Table Talk appearance. For a deeper look at what the queen had to say, Tracy T. Rowe and Cara Pressley invite Dr. Jon Paul and Jordan “Joho” Daniels, hosts of The B.F.F. Podcast, to continue the conversation around how weight prejudice shows itself in society. PLUS is weight prejudice prominent in the LGBTQI+ community? Don’t miss this epic collab!
Hosts Information:
Cara Pressley
@thecareercheerleader Cara’s Instagram
@TheCareerCheerleader Cara’s Facebook
@the1cheering4U Cara’s Twitter
@FeelinSuccessful Cara’s TikTok
Tracy T. Rowe
@tracytrowe Tracy’s Instagram
@troweandco Tracy’s Facebook
@tracytrowe Tracy’s Twitter
@tracytrowe Tracy’s TikTok
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Hey, y'all, Hey, what's up? And welcome to Let's Red Table that. I'm Tracy t Row and I'm Colrad Pressley, and baby, you got a special episode for y'all today. That's right, super special. That's right. We mentioned before that we guessed it on the Black Fat Film or BFF podcast, and now our BFF host, our friends Dr John Paul and Joejo Daniels are gracing us with their happy let's presence. Welcome to the Virtual Red Table, Dr John and Joejoe Daniels. Thanks, Oh my gosh, listen. Dr John is an educator, professor, national speaker, and so much more. They were named one of the top forty l g B t Q people under forty by the National Black Justice Coalition. Welcome to Let's Red Table that Dr John's come on here. You've got to be top forty lgbt on the forty came with a check though, right a coming. Yes, I see that recognition. Joe Hoo is a writer, speaker, and photographer. On the side, he maintains This is Me, a social project that was featured in Plus Model magazine. Welcome to the Red Table, Joe Hoo, Zam, Baby, I was like this is me. I was like, we are no longer maintained her, but but she was giving for quite some time. But thank you for mentioning that, because I was like, that was my baby. When when we did that once it's out, there's always are you right? She listen, the resume is always the resucycy. Yes, it's a legacy. For those who don't know, The BFF podcast is all about encouraging people to love themselves unapologetically, and we are totally on board with that message. I know Trinity and I definitely are. We embodied that, Okay, So we thought it would be perfect to invite them here to dive deeper, okay into the idea of weight prejudice. Okay, I know I am full and I know they may be as well. But we're loving ourselves, okay, exploring this while we talked about our Queen Latifa recap. So we're gonna dive into it today. That's right, before we get into all that, we're gonna take a short break and we will be right back. This is a part of the show where we reveal which moments made us pause, rewind and listen again. Wait what? We covered a few of these moments in our last episode, but we have a few more to discuss because of course they had us in shock. So wait, what was that? Okay? And the first white what? Okay, get ready put your seat belts on because this weight what is really? What? Wait the hell what the recent news story that The Red Table Talk brought up which revealed weight discrimination at work. For every six pounds a woman gains her hourly paid drops, two people who are overweight are hired less, promoted less, and paid less. Now wait this one right here, this white prejudice. Okay, So y'all know, I'm plus, I'm plus plus. I'm proud of my plus plus. But to thank for every six pounds and average American woman gains their pay drops two percent? Percent is a lot so under underpaid? Have you experienced weight not underpaid? Right? Have you experienced wight prejudice at work? Okay? So, Carl, we know that you said deuces to the full time gig when you were still there, though, did you experience it? And then I want to hear from our guests too. I think they were just intimidated because I'm amazing, you know what I mean? The more happened to more, I tappened to it. I feel like there could have been some prejudice, and I'm really trying to unravel, like, how would I have known, because of course we know they cover it up, right, But I would love to hear what you guys say, because I literally was fighting so many things when I was working. I don't think I had time to really notice, and that might be part of the problem as well. Oh that's interesting point. There are so many things that you were babbling, so many prejudices, the prejudice of sex and agism and racism. I was the only person of color in my space. You understand so, right, And so I will say with the study is interesting because it focuses on women or people who assign people. I'm assuming is what they probably I mean as well, knowing I signed MIL on birth and I think that's interesting one because I'd be curious of what folks assigned on birth experience, but also it speaks to how women continually get to her in the stick in terms of professional experience and career pay. I guess i would say I'm shocked, not surprised, shots because I'm like, oh wow, that's interesting, but also that's the prod of course, we find every reason to documents. Hey, so I will say to your question, I have experienced at the point infecting my conversation. And now I'm wondering, is it because I'm assigned a birth and identify as male, I have experienced white prejudice and other another fact? Thats like, for example, and in my last job, I was a photographer and or proper my job was taking those events and people. Nine times I attend someone would be like, can you make me look thin? Can you like, can you add this some posts? Could you like cut out this little fat exactly? The first like a few times I was like, I'm just let it pass. And after that I started being like, just I want to point out I'm a photographer. So when you're telling me you want you want me to make you look thin, like when I'm not doing that because I'm not being paid to do that. First of all, okay, that's not my cobscription. I say, pictures of you make you look cute, thank you? It sent of all? Your messaging is then what do you think tells me as a photographer that why like I should be ashamed of myself because you're not happy with yourself? And so that's one thing when I experienced it socially, thankfully my last show. I don't think I experienced it in terms of the job itself. I know I wasn't underpaid. I was being paid more than some folking organization, and I was being paid more than the average person in my similar role in different organizations. So they took good care of me, and they take good care of me now. But one thing I think about a lot is health care costs would do for people who and particularly the plus with employers is that the typically won't really see that, but if you're applying for health care yourself, then it becomes more and more conversation with. So that's just so I can't And again it's so interesting because I wonder it's kind of in the same vein for me. I'm wondering if I didn't see it overtly because of the fact that I identify as a smell upfront, But I definitely can see moments where people say and do shady things to you when you are a fat person. One of the things I always think about is one of the jobs that I had in the past. Every month we would always do either they would cater food or they would we would have a meeting and they would cater food or people would bring food, and it never failed that I could sense that people were always policing my plate. And it was noticeable too, because there were moments in my job where I had lost a lot of weight because I was actively trying to lose weight, and so it was always kind of like this, Oh, can you eat that? Are you supposed to be eating that? Are you? And it's like, girl, can you just find your business? And so I can't find my mouth? Right, like leave me alone? And so I think when you start talking about it, while I may not have dealt with it in terms of my actual pay, and who's to say, you know, maybe I didn't get more money because I wasn't quotable, attractive, or whatever the case may be in that regards, Right, I still think that there are other ways that we technically pay for it, and I think it comes at the expense of maybe conversations people have, whether it be in front of you, conversations people have behind you, even just thinking about the way people go to you for things, right, No, the same specifically me working in education, I always noticed when students were real quick to run to my quote unquote attractive colleague. Right, But this idea that I had to constantly kind of posit myself as an educator or the quote unquote smarter one in the room in order to kind of take up for the idea that I didn't look a certain way or I didn't perform a certain way. So again, I think it's important for us to name the pay I definitely believe that whether you be fat, whether you be big body, however, you will identify yourself. I think that there are multitudes of ways that bigger bodied individuals pay for that. Two we pay for it in a multitude of ways when we're on the job. Yeah, that's true for me, I absolutely felt it. People are now getting to a point where they're in positions where they talk about salaries more openly, but you know, it's almost tabooed. No, don't talk about don't tell anybody what you make. But it was also very apparent to me in previous positions where you could look around and see that you were the anomaly, right, that there was a moldent and if you didn't fit the mold, it was amazing how those people progressed and how right and so yeah, they may not have fat shame to me, or had weight prejudiced. From their perspective, it may not have been as overtue as they They probably thought they were hiding it. But I can feel it, feel it, you always feel it. I could feel it the other way? What was gam Me said? I think people find overweight people offensive. I think people just have a negative visceral reaction to people that are overweight. That's part of what what lies talking about. This struck a nerve with me. I want to know your perspectives because when I see this, I'm thinking overweight people are offensive. I think they I think they assume we're like lazy. She can't do so. Back to Dr John's part, when you had to position yourself as the smarter. That's how oh, I always came with facts, first work, first highlights, because I didn't even have time for whatever they would come with. But again, I was facing so many things. I got tabs and notes and papers because I'm validating it every turn. You know what I mean. That's total defense mechanism, definitely a survival tactic. Tell me what you guys are thinking? How do you feel about that? When you said that, immediately the offensive thing jumped out at me. I think for so many people it's audacity. That word lives with me. I think there's so many people in this world even this notion of us having a show that centered on black fat feminists. Right, Who are you to have the audacity? Who are you to say that you love being black? Who is it to say that you love being fat? Who are you to say that you love being queer? Who is it to you to say that you love being a woman when so much of society has told us that we're not supposed to like or even love who we are. And me and Jojo I have said this on several occasions. I think we've gotten into this maybe two or three episodes of our show where we talked about this like versus love conversation. But I think that there is this thing that people really sit with when they see black, specifically black fat films. And I say this, women are not when they see us and enjoy and seeing us not kind of caving to the ways that society wants us to. Well, how did you get here? How are you surviving? How are you driving? How are you how dare you drive a nice car and actually have a good job? The real question that they want to know is why why? Why don't you think you ugly? Girl? That's what I feel. Why why don't you think you're terrible? And all the other things they feel like naming because I'm not sis. That's why I apprehended. That's why. That's why people hate, Yes, Liz gets is because people can't comprehend why someone like Lizzo would love herself. That's exactly unapologetically Lizzo. And I'm gonna tell you something. The idea for me that people think that people are overweight is offensive to them, is offensive to me because I don't say anything about you if you're underweight. See then when I say you need a sandwich, now I'm wrong And I don't want to say that though I don't know, I don't want to do it on either scine. It's the connection of overweight, lazy, ignorant that really grates on my nerves. That's what gets to me. Right This Queen the Teeth episode was just chopped full of weight? What's for me? Because we haven't h waights, We don't come on here weight and waight what yes? And so what are the other weight? What was? Studies have shown their Black women are more satisfied with their bodies than white women. What do you think is the difference between the black culture that has a higher body pop I'll tie it back a little bit to the last question, because I think that's the reason why people find o white people offensive. Like I think when you tie in the context of living in a Eurocentric society or a society that has been about white folks and white past and white just in folks coming to this slambical America and really enforcing what standards look like, and to my understanding, like so many black sporting African cultures like the bigger body is celebrating in fact, and many other cultures in indigenous cultures, in Latino cultures like so many bodies are celebrating. So I think it comes to even the point where people fighting overweight offensive in Eurocentric standards. It's like the one thing people say, like you can change about yourself, and so they find us offensive because they think, like, why would you not, like not want to be thin? And really the question is why would you not want to be beholden to a white standard, which which is sade Because then I'm like, because my question to that is why want to beholding myself to restriction? Why I want to behold myself to a one size facil approach? And also why don't behold myself to whiteness when it hasn't served me? You don't any popular way like isis and a body where like went half of me fled the Holocaust and came to America because they want to come to America because they had to. And one part of me was brought to America, like no part of me really wanted to be here, but like here I am. And so so when it's the one things I'm offensive coming existing, it's like a girl, there's many more important things to worry about, like, but our democracy is dying like people. People are in chemistry to like Tracy. We've talked about this, where they automatically assume you're unhealthy, like they automatically assume you have heart disease just waiting to happen. And that's not it, you know what I mean? And who gives a rats two behinds about that? Because in the day, like someone's health does no one's business. You are not a doctor, you're not paying their bills, like no one owes you their health period that part. My friend, a black fat woman, just for something last week, like her doctor remember vials and was like, oh, like your vials are perfect, she said, he said, and I quote, I would kill for those numbers. And then you proceed to tell her you should lose weight, and she was like, you just told me you would kill for this number. Why would I don't make it. But I think black culture just came to this country appreciating a fuller body, right, Yeah, bring it back to the question back we really did. We were celebrated for our full hips in our full behind and our full bus. We literally had to have that in order to survive, right, And we now see that people are having surgery to get that. Hello Kiya and yeah come out there saying one time they walked around looking like the dog on the Credible Mama. Incredible. But it's really it really goes back to again like they some people believe we're just pout to have our head hung low and singing Negro spirituals because it's not my brain, it's ingrained. I'm gonna say this really quickly because I know that we can go on for days. But I think the bigger thing for me is I'm sitting here and I'm looking at this notion about being satisfied with your body and can't help but think about some of the stuff that James Baldwin wrote about, and it's this notion of the idea of how we are taught to have to love ourselves, and specifically white women not having to like it's this this notion of having like it's automatic for them, right, every it's automatic for a lot of white folks to kind of just believe that everything their life should be easy, right. And so we've been taught from a very young age. My mom taught me at a very young age to love the curls in my hair. My mom taught me to love my skin color. My mom taught me to love my ashy knees when white kids would make fun of me for having ash on my knees. Right Like, there are all these things that we as black people have had to be taught to love, and we've had to come to learn through trial and tribulation. What I will say is that I think a big part of that is us really having to fight to love who we are, and a lot of white individuals, specifically not being able to comprehend that now is that a blanket statement. I don't know, But what I will say is that I think that we have been since and I say ancestral, it's not just now from the ancestral wind. We've always had to fight to love who we are in moments where the world was telling us that we shouldn't exist. And the other part that you just mentioned, I'm not gonna let it go. You said when you're when you have some ash, that your mother taught you to love you when you had a little ash. We had such a segregated vernacular that is private and separate and different, and one that we used throughout our culture, but it was not universally shared, and so we would say things it was like it was a private almost like it was pigniting, right, like we talked in cold. People are just now starting to understand some of the things that we say. When we say you got ashy knees, you got you know what I'm saying. When you said ash, I thought I was like and to the good people who don't understand ash, that would be dry skin there was literally changed your body have been affected by the weather. That right to put on something to hue and we say ashy, but really it's ashen something as simple as that, like, no one had to teach you what ashle this was right. But now it's amazing to me when I hear white people talk about ash because too they some of their actions are all show ashy, but actions can be ashy. I just want actions can't come on action and your energy can be very about it. I'm just gonna be honest. We're talking about all of that energy of people being offended by us and wouldnot your energy is as because your energy has asked, because your spirit is asked apart. But then when I look at it to go real deeper, when we talk about our soul, food and things like this, the same people who gave us scraps and want to talk about our body shape and high blood pressure? Did you hand us a salad? Like? Did you give us anything successful to eat? Like? Even my grandmother told me the story about how they picked tobacco and then yes, they ate watermelon because that's something they grew and they had, and then like the rhyme help them to get the tobacco off their hands. Right now, mind, you know, people are probably staring at us and to talk about all the watermelon funny commercials and the all the black face and things they did back around that time. But it's like, you guys chose or at the time, they chose to look at us and make fun of when we didn't have any where were we washing our hands like those pieces of the bullying. For me, something interesting that we talked about weight and weight literally runs so deep into the history of who we are. At the Red Table, Queen Latifa said that at eighteen nineteen she looked into the mirror and realized she had to make a decision which was either going to be hate herself or love herself. Now, see, this goes back to what we were just talking about. Have you had a moment of realization like this in your lives, whether it was about your physical appearance or something else. Nineteen is such a pivotal age too, right, because we know that's like you're grown, but not really. I did you know, listen, I was, I was young mom. I want to say eighteen nineteen, I had just started full time in my career and I had my son at twenty in But about twenty eight going into thirty, I had this come to Jesus. Not that I didn't love myself. But I was really embracing myself and really I am more than a mom. I am more than an employee. And that is when I became big bone Barbie. That was when I was doing stand up comedy because I just you know, we're gonna go ahead and get the joke out before we even get into it. Yes, I am big boned. We are here, but I'm also a Barbie. And Barbie doing everything. Barbie is a doctor, lawyer, she camping. I looked at the Target catalog the other day, Barbie doing hair, Barbie doing everything. When I was coming up, Barbie just had a car in the house. She had just come up. Okay, Bobbie's doing it all right. So that helped me to just step more into myself and just accept my journey except everything. Even when I look back at how I looked at my weight, A lot of the what some people may call self hate or wanting to be smaller was really the conditioning from the sports I was in. I did gymnastics, I did tennis. Maybe they were all ten parents. Of course there was a comparison there because I can't do certain flips because the coach can't spot me, you know. Girl. Okay, we're gonna have a whole because let me tell you to break a whole bunch and crack a whole bunch of faces on the regular basis doing my splits today. Come on, one three d plus pounds, still do the dog on splits. I can't get on the floor. I tell you, don't let the fat FOOLI. I love it. Yeah, I'm like I was like when I was growing up. She was also and she was definitely with bust the splits. Today I can barely pick up a penny on the floor. But that's what that right. We're gonna take a short break right now, but when we come back, we'll have more of our conversation with our friends from b F F Joe Hoo and Dr John. What about you? Any kind of self realization, actualization, any kind of this is it? I'm making it just to just the question. I would say, this is what how it works for me? Maybe some people wouldn't work, but to me, I feel like it's a constant recommitment to myself. Like have I had a moment where I was like, remember where I was, I'm gon hit myself or I'm gonna strive to love me because I would say, I would say, I wish I'm gonna strive to love me because I know that not every day I will and that's okay, and like I want to give myself grace to that, Like I can't sit here and people I love myself twenty four seven because like I don't. And it's like it's not because I'm fine, it's because, like I think the best person, the best friend, of the best song, of the best employee, Like I will always go through a moment of like I'm not loving myself so much today or I'm not liking myself so much. To say, what I will say is that the words of the moment where I said I will never hate myself again, because that's when that I can actively choose to not do. I don't need to hate myself, but I do. I will say I have a constant recommitment to who I am. It comes to my physical parents and actually parents recently because last year I lost a lot of weight, like not intentionally, it's just I got the COVID, I was a mast sick. I said, I'm gonna start walking every day to make sure that your bunds good and like I just lost law waight and then this year, like I've gained some back. So my come to Moses or come to this moment for me is saying, okay, girl, like you gained some weight and like that's okay. I refused to hit myself. I'm gonna strive to keep loving myself. I know the factors that have led to this, and I want to shift the factors that left this because I know those factors that have happened to me don't make me happy. So I want to shift back into doing things. And it made me feel joyful. And if your body changes, cool cool cool of it doesn't cool cool cool, grow it. Like one thing, I realized that this biggest body, this tree here and plus pound body like it has traveled the world. It has height mountains, it has dropped alow on the floor, it has has on the splits, it has like it's cooked a Boma's food. There is not one thing it's got, this voy a house like this, everything right. That body's been through it and it's continuing to persevere. That's it. I love that. One of the things immediately when I heard you speak about your body and the journey that you've had and made me think and I held these up my every day Amazing Information cards about every day is not going to be bring and the two cards that immediately were at the top, one that said I will celebrate myself and the other is I will appreciate my body as it is today, right now, right and if you can get in real quick, I think the one thing I will say that I love that Jordan mentioned was the notion of being kind to the size of your body, because I think that the world will celebrate you for losing weight. The world will celebrate you for and that's the biggest thing that I wanted to hit on this. It was funny because the friend said this to me and I was gooped. She had looked at me and she said one day she said, were you really truly ugly in college? Or were you around a whole bunch of white people who made you feel ugly because you were black? And she said that. I was like, Oh, it's the note the generalized notion, right yeah, Like I was like, oh, I was like, yeah, you know what I went to and that's why I felt ugly because I was the only black, queer person on kissing Yeah, let's just because of being when you are the only fat friend in your group. You you like the ugly one, and then like, I'm just about when everything women numbers. That's what did it for me. So I think for me, what's helped me kind of love myself is to recognize that a lot of the stuff that's put on to me for me to not love my hair, my size, my feminine to the all of these things. Right, this doesn't come from me. These are all standards that society is trying to make me assimilate to. And I'm that's like me, I love that, and it's it's a perfect transition to the next thing we're gonna talk about. We know that the black community because you went to a p W. I went to a p W and it's amazing how that influences your mindset when we talk about the black community is more body positive than others. But I also want to talk about how the queer community responds differently to body types. Okay, this is new for me, right I talked. I'm just listening because in my mind, I'm like, is that a thing? Like it's a thing. It's a big old thing for me. The women and the men it's all about they were numbering folks. Okay, there was a person that she and I want really together. You know how you're not really together. You're talking, but you know, trends will benefits, whatever you wanna call. But she ended up being able to connect with someone who sheding nine or ten. Okay, I didn't ask and didn't care what she numbered me because I knew I was a hunter. I will say that she unlike me. It's still single. I have been with sweet years because I wasn't stuck on stupid looking at somebody's body. I love you over, but you single. The queer gets good for that. You're not a tent, you know what. I may not be a ten, but my husband helped me pay bills. Are you out here worried about how you gonna pay you? I don't have to worry about that, and whether I gave ten pounds or lose ten pounds. My wife loves me just exactly there. It is, car It's the same, and sometimes it can be worse, I think, so I'll say this. The black Fat film title came from um the notion of no blacks, no fats, no films in our community. Yes, that's the whole play of BFF the BFF, and so our first episode, if you go back and you listen to our first episode, that is why the first episode is titled yes Black, Yes Fat, Yes Film. And that's actually what the title of my book is gonna be because of the whole notion in the film picked up. I'm saying, from my lips to God's ears says, get picked up and will be called yes black, yes fat, yes film because of the ways that I internalize, and I think maybe Jordan's too, and even you, Tracy. I thing to we all internalize the no black, no fat, no film. If you go onto a dating app, that is usually the first thing that are in men's little grinder profiles, whatever profile it is, it usually is no blacks, and they'll say it's a preference. That's how it's masked. It's mass Oh, it's a preference. And it's like, no, baby, you're fat phobic about phobia. It's giving. It's racism within its own subculture, right, good listen, Just as the only single queer person here, what one thing I think about a lot with within this is that car I just give you something more context. Yes, I it is for sure the quickmutia is not immune to being fat phobic or phobic of anything. And I would say, and Tracy, I'm here to your experience because I I believe I see it more often with gay men, and that's where I always draw the difference gay men versus like men who dam fais queer and even like the terminology, like I know some mad gay men who dam fire is gay. Now are the ones to be like you're like, you're eight bunch of fat, you're this, but you're that, and like we'll just constant discriminate you. The queer men who defy it's queer I see a bit more. They talk about fat phobia, but are also always in the gym taking pictures of themselves and stuff. And so I'm like, okay, so you talk about fat phobia, but like you ain't honestly what nobody like? I don't. I really people game and I see who only have friends that like them and they're all and they're always iss. Just so, I think so quickly responds to different body types, and my experiences, I've seen more queer women be more accepting and be more embracing at different body times. But that's only from my experience of seeing it so interestingly enough too. That's true for masculine identifying see the sou soub culture. Already you know what we're doing. I'm gonna go ahead and just call this now. I'm putting this in our dock as a conversation. We are literally going to bring you back for this conversation on our show, not even getting you. Yeah, I can sit sad because out the way I'm learning and taking notes like don't don't you looking like the Easter rage gift with all the different equations going on around you? Chid, because power will pull a notebook out while we're warning. I want you to put life till I'm learning over here. Okay, Joel, I'm gonna talk to you a little bit more and maybe you can help me too, because like I'm a bigger bodied person as we stay in here and dating is just it's trash for me. How have you just navigated dating? I'm personally I'm just trying to live. Oh, I'm just living, like I found more friendships on this dating journey than actual relationships. But how does it feel for you? Okay, that's a good one. Card. I think of that question. That's when I find interesting because I say thank you because a lot in the past week. Actually, I just had this conversation with my therapist as well that, like you said, right now, it's trash and it's for me as well. And I'm I'm not like, it's just I'm tryingly hard like people will say. Then, like a friend reason told me, the more you speaking negatively about it than like, the more negative will be. And I'm like, okay, no, what sure, jan I hear that. And but you're telling me that as a eventually attractive like have married you exactly who is with somebody and my face people see us hot. So I hear you, and like, yes, if I talk to neechatively, good things will not happen. I hear that. And also you have to understand that when I existing a body that is not what people want, that is gonna be an experience. I would love to be possible about it. A little journeys, That's all I hear saying. Answers, don't list someone help me, just listen for me personally to like a new entrepreneur seventeen months in you know what I'm saying. And I had to tell myself, like, yes, girls, you have gat a few pounds and we are trying to enjoy that part of the journey because that also means we missed no meals like weight game can look can mean different things. But like, so I want you to understand that while I'm out here trying to date you ahead you I do okay. So I do agree the coach and me agrees. What you focus on is what will grow. That is true. That is I felige with you, like I'm trying to reshift and re renegotiate what my last ship with what dating is because I want to speak positive things, but I also have to be like really treated myself and say but instead of saying day is trash, I just say people I'm searching for have not found me yet, and that's okay. I will say one interesting advice that my favorites gave me was I can maybe considered like just desensitizing myself to rejection because the rejection is actually never about me beautiful because I'm a realist of the realist and I'm gonna say from all the experiences I see, I love y'all. I love you Jordan for being that beautiful that you kill us John, because baby, the way I see it, the way I see my friend struggling out here in the streets. Dating is something else. It literally is giving the old caresel mall and the empires. It's bad, it's give me, it is out. It is bad. It's bad. But what I tell myself it's not. It's not bad because I'm bad. It's bad because that's really that's for myself. And Car, like you would get this with me, girl, like were successful. And honestly, success turns people off, isn't it. People have remind myself, like to be twenty eight, have a good job on my own home, have a thriving group of friends, like and be black if you see me when you see me, and be black, and be successful, thank you, and like go out every night like I am living my life as well. And I think sometimes that is the biggest turn off, is that people will see somebody like us Car and be like, oh, like they really have it together. Okay, So here's the thing, exactly, take that as a gift. And as hard as it is, and I'm gonna tell you it's a hard gift to swallow, but I'm gonna tell you this. If you are in a position where you have all those things going for yourself, it's no different than a woman car that is doing well for themselves and are successful in our surviving and thriving on their own. If someone feels like they're turned off by that, that is a good thing because then they are not worthy of you. That parts they are not worthy. And so when it's time and the person can be a compliment in your life, it will literally fit. That's all I got to say. You know what else? I have to say that we could talk to y'all until the cows comes out, but we are not going to do that because we're gonna we have so many more episodes we can record with y'all. I just love it. I feel like you spirit and yes they are table talk, Yes, yes, table so we can have a podcast where we are all talking about I can love throughout the lands of the gay instance. I love it's rainbow table to hear us. Make it happen, make it. That's what I want to know. Okay, And I love you guys. Thank you never, thank you so much for coming on. I appreciate you and this was just a successful time. And you remember what my card said. Okay, I would appreciate myself my body as it is. Thank you all. So much for coming to the Virtual Red Table. We'd love you. We want to know how you're feeling about this new season a Red Table Talk, and we're open to talk about anything with you all. So please send in your questions at Let's Red Table that at red table talk dot com, or you can now leave us a voicemail as yet type dot com slash Let's Red Table that, I love that. I can't wait to hear people's voices. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure you subscribe on I Heart Radio app, and please rate this podcast on Apple Podcast. We'll be back next week for another episode of Let's Red Table BAT Special thanks to executive producers of Jada Pinkett Smith, Alan Jethro and Ellen Rapton. Thank you to our producer kylagu In Deru and our associate producer Yolanda Chow. And finally, thanks to our sound engineer, Stephanie Aguilar. Let's Ring Table, that, Let's Red Table, that, Let's Let's ring Table that, Let's Red Table. Hey,