Does Love have Rules? (Jay Shetty Recap)

Published Jan 2, 2023, 8:00 AM

Tracy and Cara are talking about love, love, and more love in this sneak peek of Jay Shetty’s not-yet-released book, 8 Rules of Love. Listen in to discover what your fighting style is, how you and your partner learn best, and what solitude can really mean for your life. PLUS Tracy and Cara dig deep and share their own personal reflections, as well as what they appreciate most about each other.

Pre-order 8 Rules of Love

Hosts Information:

Cara Pressley

@thecareercheerleader Cara’s Instagram

@TheCareerCheerleader Cara’s Facebook

@the1cheering4U Cara’s Twitter

@FeelinSuccessful Cara’s TikTok

Cara’s Website

Tracy T. Rowe

@tracytrowe Tracy’s Instagram

@troweandco Tracy’s Facebook

@tracytrowe Tracy’s Twitter

@tracytrowe Tracy’s TikTok

Tracy’s Website

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LET’S RED TABLE THAT is produced by Red Table Talk Podcasts. EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS Jada Pinkett Smith, Fallon Jethroe and Ellen Rakieten. PRODUCER Kyla Carneiro. ASSOCIATE PRODUCER Yolanda Chow. EDITOR AND AUDIO MIXER Stepfanie Aguilar.  MUSIC from Epidemic Sound. LET’S RED TABLE THAT is in partnership with iHeartRadio.

It's the j Shatty episode. Are you ready, Cara? I am ready, just like about all right, here we go. I'm gonna have giggle box. You know, this is a punch drunk season. Now, all right, here we go. Hey, y'all, Hey, what's up? And welcome to let's Red Table that I'm Tracy t Row and I'm Clara Pressley. On the scale of one to ten, Tracy, I mean, how ready are you to talk about this episode in that brand new book of Jay Satty's. I am super duper ready. I am probably a nine point seven five. I'm I ready. I'm ready. Okay, okay, come on here, talk about it? Are you a ten? Am? Ten? I am ready to talk about it. I like Ja Shetty. I'm glad he's he might have been who has the most table he appearances. He might be tough. I think he may be winning before aside from Dr Ourphee. Maybe Dr Romney has been there. Dr Romney. Yeah. Dr Romney may may have him beating more table business. But he is definitely our top male visit of the table for sure, with an exclusive this time tell us about it. Oh my gosh, this book is not even released yet, but we have copies and I can't wait to break this book down for everyone. We're gonna take a short break right now, but when we get back, we'll break down the moments from Ja Shetty's appearance on Red Table Talk that had us saying, wait, what do alright? This is the part of the show where we reveal which moments made us pause, We're one and listen again because we all had to say, wait, what what was that? Listen? It was a few of this moment. Yeah, Gammy sharing that she fights to win rather than to fix the problem. Ronnie says, I fight to win. I fight to win instead of fighting too like to solve the problem. I'm gonna let him break it down. But it was so revealing for me. I was like, wow, Okay. She didn't ever take she didn't have to ask any questions about what the fighting styles were. She was like, Okay, I know what mine is. I want to be right, I want to want to win. We knew that again, what's yours? Do you know what yours as? I don't. I feel like I'm a lover not a fighter. Yeah, I love I don't believe that's in the book, but yeah, I did not read I'm a love or not a fighter in the book as the fighting style that definitely was not in the book out that though, so maybe we can ask for an addendum. And then he said in his book, Okay, every time one of you loses, you both lose, and every time the problem loses is you both win, which I think that is phenomenal because if you are really truly attacking the issue and the problem and not each other, then you move forward. So I guess if you did a very loose paraphrase, that would be I'm a lover, not a fighter. That's where I met or the Great Escape one said what I need from you is understand that that's what I heard. How can we communicate if you don't hear what I say? Come on? Come on? Ye not new? What's your fighting style? Tracy? Oh, Gammy, I've been locked up with Gamy the whole season five twins. Gamy. Gamy is my spiritual twin. But now I'm gonna tell you something. I have gotten better. Okay, I have gotten better. The better coach I become, the better listener, I become, the better focus I have on resolution. And so instead of wanting to be right now, I want to I want resolve. Listen, I hear that, because who has time to argue? Right, love, We're not a fighter. I love that. Another wait wet moment was Luma from the fan Wall dropped the nugget of wisdom based on her own experience, and she said, yeah, like, obviously, going through break up is really hard. I honestly think the hardest part is when you realize that them coming back is no longer the solution for your pain, like they can't figure that is for real? I felt that one in my spirit. Right, have you ever said this? Realization words? Sage words? You know a lot of times wisdom can come from having a hard lesson, and those were some wise words. She said that people can learn from that. For sure. That was a white because I was like, oh, listen, A few names immediately came to mind. I was like, no, right, wait, a manicola if powers don't work anymore? We never felt like that before. I have leaned in, come on here, no, listen. It could be anything from a man to a Chick fil a sandwich. Sometimes sometimes it's just not it anymore. See all right? That was what not the man or the sandwich? Okay, we're gonna come on here, don't quit no more, just depends. All right, that's the way what all is own? I think we can have a whole separate conversation about definitely could that part as we say at the virtual red table. From the red table, Now here's the other. Wait what in addition to your weight? What? From it? Could be a man or a chicken sandwich. Willow saying she wants to just move in with her friends and get a bunch of kids, always tell my girlfriends, let's just move in together when we're old and get a bunch of cats. I never do have do but if we do have boyfriends, great, they can come over sometimes we can see them whatever. But let's like be together and not like, oh, we have to just be old and gray with our significant other. She even took Ja shetty. He was like, Willow, He said, wait what he said? Wait? Would He was like, what does it have to be? Cats? Like? What what do you have? What she said? Or dogs? She did, but he had to say, doesn't have to be can you now? Or have you ever felt like this car where you like you know what? I'm just done? Yes, okay. I did not take long very much Willow very much. Well, I feel you, Willow. The people out here, they lie to us. They fairy tell us, I'm gonna get a shirt, say fairy taling on it. They lie to us, she they leave, They don't like us. Yeah, yeah, Willow. I felt just moving with your friends and get some cats, okay, Dan, whenever you have to do to preserve your peace. I pray we all find the real love and whatever we need out here. But the main thing about this book that I liked was just the fact that we're gonna be able to talk about some real steps and tap in, go on the inside and learn how to love yourselves first. So if Willow, if you need to learn how to love yourself at the house with the cats, I feel you, well, I'm gonna tell you something. I was also proud that at the end of the episode, Willow got a phenomenal compliment from Ja Shetty about how he has learned so much from her, And I was just so proud because there's some absolute wisdom in her youth and experience, and she's got the benefit of being at the table. Imagine how much we've learned this season. So she's right there at the feet of it right in the part of it, and I think of it. She's learning stuff all day every day. Why's Willow wise? Willow? I like it? I like it. All right, we're gonna take a quick break, but when we get back, we'll dive into Ja Shett's brand new book Eight Rules of Love and why we think you should or shouldn't read this book yourself. Stay tuned. All right, let's get into it. Trace See what did you think of this book? L O V E no pun intended love love this book from the beginning to the end. It is chopped full of things you can do for yourself so that you are shored up and ready. And then it is completely aligned with love for self, love for relations love for romantic, love for friends, love for family. It applies all across the board. Now, there are some specifics that talk about your romantic relationships, because he would be remiss if he didn't include that. But this is a book that if you are in a relationship, if you're starting a relationship, if you want a relationship, or you're leaving a relationship, you need this book. That's what I think about it. How about that that I love that? I love that and I like the aspect of the book, and he talked to it, of course, of the episode where we really romantic size and put romantic love on a pedestal before any other love. I don't want to do that anymore. I think it's I think it's the wedding. I think the wedding weddings over time, from the weddings in England, London and just all across the world, and the Queen and the Who and the fairy tales. Think that those romantic loves have overshadowed the real love that we have day to day, from friendships to parents to siblings, so and even of course it's just the love of yourself. So yeah, I think you're right there. It's been romanticized and for a reason, right, that makes it indible, that makes it commercial, so that we can as sales exactly exactly, and so it makes sense. But I really believe if we were given an opportunity to incorporate some course training in like in middle school, you know, because we're not as simple as that. That part, yeah, right, Jake. She says we've made being alone or loneliness the enemy, completely disregarding the more positive term for being alon, which is solitude. How do you find joy in your solitude? Car? And then what does being alone and alone time mean to you? Man? I love being alone more so now and I did enjoy it before COVID. But thank you COVID for reminding me. Maybe I don't need to be around so many people. Maybe there is fun by myself, right. I find joy in my solitude through affirmation. Shout out to your affirmation cards, Tracy. I have a pack myself. I enjoyed those reading. I enjoy movies with no other conversation from anyone else, like my son because and I actually tend to be the talker sometimes in a movie. So you know, oh, a little self assessment. If I can, I can rewind if if I need to. It's just I can determine what I need and what I like. So my alone time is super important to me. Allows me to be creative as well. And you know, when I get back around people, I enjoyed more because I was able to step away. I think there's a common misconception that people that are extroverts like us don't really enjoy solitude, and I absolutely up. I mean I love it, I adore it, I cherish it, and there are times when I can go somewhere in the car and come back when I'm by myself and just pull up in the and it's like, Okay, let me just sit here for a moment. Turn the car off and let me just sit here. That was my outitude during COVID. I had to still go somewhere, so I got in the car. So out to everybody who sits in the car when they get home as well. I know we are not alone. But j Shett also explained in the book that it's important to find balance between time together with your romantic partner, Tom alone Tom, with our own friends, and time with collective friends. How have you maintained the balance like this in your life with Sweetie Tracy? Let me tell you something. Okay, maintained may not be the word like Sweetie if she heard that, she was like maintained? Who told you that? However, I will say that there is a part of this book that I love. In this the social calendar plan that he has in there For those of you who have busy schedules, like so many of us do. It's important for you to spend time with your loved one, but you know your friends are like, hey, don't leave me out. So what I did to try to incorporate some improved balance, I will say not maintain it, because I don't think I maintain it as well. It's the words for me. Language is super important for me. Well, you know, it's been an ongoing thing because I keep going, I need nothing. I stay super busy, and Sweetie is super supportive. But she also has times when she's like, look now, I do not want to be an afterthought here. Do not make me a foregone conclusion. And we went through a period of that, and so now Sunday is by day. Okay, I love that Sunday is by day. Sunday with the exception of we have some special arrangements where we do something with collective friends or family, Sunday is designated as by day. So that is how we've had some restoration of balance. And it's made a difference because it's not it doesn't even have to be anything big, like it doesn't have to be the super date night, it doesn't have to be anything fantastic like this week. I literally Bay day we were just I was just in bed. She was in the chair in the room, just chilling and talking, and I was nodding off, but it counted. Oh I'm glad that y'all have that, and they're going to continue with right. So absolutely it has been a real positive shift for us to have by day pay sweetie, love you, grateful for you being patient. Thank you so sweet. The Eight Rules of Love also includes several step by step guys and questions you can ask yourself today to start your journey to love, be it romantic or in friendship. And we're going to try some of these out. So, Cara, are you ready to dig deep for the pod? I'm ready, just like spongebub Let's go, let's go voice, Let's I love that, I love that. You did an excellent job with that one. Alright, so we know the first step in rule four, your partner is your guru. We're gonna identify some of the learning styles here, okay, So let's just do a quick review of the learning styles and then we can talk a little bit about all of them. Okay. The learning styles are there's four hearing, vision, thought, and motion. Okay. So the hearing style means that you like it when you can take in new information through your ears. This can be through listening to fantastic podcasts like this one, audio books or Ted talks, right, so I like listening. However, comma vision learning visually, vision learning is watching someone demonstrate the skill or maybe following a diagram. Okay, so when I hit the one that that you are resonating with, let me know when he let me know, it's giving vision already, I can tell you. Let's hear the rest. Let's just say okay, okay, we'll come back to vision because I'm with you there. Thought learning happens all internally when you absorb information in your head. Might think like reading a book on a topic of interest, taking notes as you read and putting it into your own words. That says, Car, I've seen you take notes. Definitely do write things down. Yeah, I've seen you take notes. So then, finally, motion learning means you learn by doing. You might want to take a workshop where you get to try out new skills as you acquire them. So now let's go back. We had hearing, vision, thought, and motion. Which one is your learning style? Car, I'm feeling vision and thought because I am in my head a lot. I mean, even with my consulting on the side, I specialize in brainstorming sessions with clients. So clearly I envisioned and thought learning. What about you, Tracy? Okay, So here's what's interesting that you're a hybrid. I'm a hybrid too. When you said thought, I thought, maybe so, but I see too many squirrels, and I like as a coach. As a coach, I have to stay focused. So when I'm with my client, I do that. But here's for me what I am. A hybrid of vision and motion. I do great when I can see someone do it and I can try to do it myself like professor YouTube, yes, or even just instructing myself. And I've seen you and struck before, so I as well. I like to be in front of the class. Figure, I'd like to be in front of the class and help them get it in real time. So I feel that on motion. Yeah, those for a learning style. It's good to know that though, because it makes a difference when you know someone is a motion learned her and you're with someone who's a hearing learner, Like they're not gonna learn the same. That's night and day. Don't you think? Oh? Absolutely chazy? What about you? Do you know, sweeties? Learning style? And does she know yours? Okay? That's a good question. So I would say, sweeties learning style is absolutely visual. She's a vision learner, but also hybrid though, because she does a really good job of listening. So I'm gonna say she's a hybrid. Now, I would say that if you ask her what my learning style is, she's probably absolutely going to say motion, because yeah, because she knows i'd like to, like I said, I am one who will fix the dryer, who will try to change the ice maker, because I'll go on YouTube and look at the people who are the subject matter experts, follow their video, and then go order the parts and do it. And also because she knows I talk a lot and won't ever really be quiet enough to hear I believe I'm just gonna tab been real quick. I want to say my son is probably a visual learner, and and probably like myself, we both I don't think we read the instructions at all. I believe we're just seeing at the photo and then we have those extra pieces left, like oh, right, this was that? I wonder where this wet right missed it in the second step? Right? Okay, all right, how has learning each other's styles helped your relationship? Can you think of a time when maybe you've applied it or like, oh, I know she would like this. Yeah, you know, I think especially for us have been together as long as we have the things you learn as you go, he makes the journey a little bit smoother. They're always going to be some bumpy roads when you're in a relationship, but when you take time to make the investment and say, oh, now I understand why this is true for you, or what makes this true for you, or how you think or how you learn, it does help. So for those of you who are listening us, like I never gave that any thought. That's why this book is so good that I'm telling you listen so good. I love when we incorporate pieces like this as we talk about relationships and you know, not of course not just romantic, but in this relationship because we have to stop waiting for the people to change. As I get older, I just realized how many times we were like, I care about this person, but why won't they change? Why won't they change? Instead of just acknowledging you're not compatible and who they are that part, just let's accept it for where we are, meet them where they are. Yeah, Because when you have that kind of resistance because you want them to become who you want them to be. Instead of just acknowledging and accepting who they are, you'll never get where you want to be, which is healthy and happy that part. Are you ready to talk about fighting styles? I am ready, me too, just like I'm ready. I love this game, told us hers, but let's discover ours. So from rule six, win or lose together, Jay Shetty walks us through identifying our egos and passions in a conflict. Which of the fighting reasons listed in the book resonates with you? I can tell you right at the time which one. There are a couple of different things in the book that were listed just to be fair so that we can make sure we don't just dive in and go okay. So, Tracy, you like to be right with a surprise, so you know that you get a chance to ask some questions right like and my fighting because and it's like filling the blank. So on my fighting because I believe what it's best, which is where I was for a long time. And my fighting because I want the person to change, which mentioned what you were talking about earlier. You want to modify that person and not just let them be or they need to correct their behavior. And my fighting because the situation offends me to the core. Now that one I love. If something offends you to the core, you want to fight about it. You know what I'm saying. That's gonna strike a nerve. That's passion. That's that's definitely pass and it's different from ego because the passion that's like, that's that inner fuel. Right, they have offended your morals to a certain degree, right, stand by, but go ahead. See I totally get that. And then am I fighting because I feel different? Which is also you think about, like, especially in this political climate, right, how people think differently. They have different views and they're passionate about and they argue and fight about it. And that's something that can get really unbelievably out of control. Let it or here's what I love. And this was you I'm a lover or not a fighter? Part? You said you're fighting because you want to improve the situation, right, that's the goodness part. And then fighting because you want to become closer, which I love that I see. I found myself now being in a position where instead of fighting on the side of ego, I fight on the side of goodness that it's like okay at some point because I just absolutely hate I feel sick to my stomach when Sweedie and I fight, and I just okay, let's revisit this and I come back in a calm place because I will take you all the way there. You know, the Aquarius powers gets real deep. Slice you. I can slice you, and you won't even know you're slice until you walk away. In your arm is behind you. Okay, you won't know you cut off until you try to call. So I'm doing better about that because it's healthier for me to right understood. No, you know, it's loving the club, loving the club. I don't want to say it's none of these, but if I had to pick, it would be because I want to improve the situation, and then improvement looks like understanding the other person. The problem comes when they don't want to understand me. Now I am offended to the core to the core, to the core. Okay, I'm now I'm passionate about it because how dare you the core? Yeah? So, but you know, I would like to improve the situation, get closer because we also maybe understand each other more so it's definitely coming from a good place, right, I really like that. I like that. I'm gonna do my best to try to remember that quote from his book about when you argue, if you're if you lose, if the goal is for for one person to lose, then both of you lose no matter what. And really what you're fighting is the problem. And that's so good. I mean, that's just sage and we're on the same team, right, which also makes me think about another thing he said on the episode was when you're fighting and you're across from each other, that you don't tend to resolve as opposed to when you're sitting side by side beside each other. Yes, you know, positioning right is important, which is also while like in a relationship you can't have one person on the pedestal to the other person. Is not like even how we think of each other in hierarchy standards, like we've gotta be on that level ground, right, That's right. I'm excited for it. This book is going to change live So I hope you get the book and change your life. That part what new perspective or exercise and enables and love are you going to carry with you or try for yourself and Tracy. So there are so many tried this sections throughout the book. For each of the rules, there's a try this at least one try this. And the one try this that I am absolutely going to be intentional about is the like what I'm calling the self assessment and the solitude. There's this practice of solitude aside from the car because I don't think that's really enough. I don't think it's really enough to to feel like you're stealing away time. So I am going to be intentional about doing that, and I want to try to share that with other people, right because there's so many people we know that are busy. Sweetie does a much better job about having her solitude than I do. Because your career coach, I'm a mindset coach. We're giving, We're connected to people all the time, and I look back at the day and before i know it, it's time to go to bed. I can't pore out of an empty vessel. So I'm going to really practice that, that solitude and practicing what I preach because I tell my clients all the time they need to make investments in themselves, and so I'm going to do the same. Yes, I am in alignment with you on that I enjoy my solitude and not even just that, just as a new entrepreneur as well. I'm enjoying my rest, my son listen, definitely having that heavy na ministry of my soul. And I'm not apologizing for the rest that I'm getting now because I am just as effective, if not more effective in the place of what I'm getting done and able to get done, I will say that, and being more myself because of the rest. Whereas previously I thought moving non stop was effective, and it was not because in my mind, I'm not going to burn out. It just that was ego. I have laid her to the side. So yes, I will continue to tell people how their solitude can also help them as well. If anything, just think some things through. So it's just one of those things that so universal that everyone may benefit from practicing solitude and understanding that it's not loneliness. And it's uncomfortable at first, and he talked through these parts in the book. It's uncomfortable, but then you just become present with yourself once you're used to it. So enjoyed that solitude because once that love come, you know you were sweetie there forever, right and trying together forever. That's a long time. That's a mighty long time, long time. But we are ready for it. Yeah, I'm ready. I'm in it. I'm in it to win it. There's so many tried this, and the solitude is the one that stands out because we talked about that and it's applicable to everyone. I just want to be better, and so I think this is a tool to grow and be better. And here's another opportunity for growth and being better. Real eight is love again and again. Practicing this means extending our love to each and every person and every area of our lives. So I'm gonna start practicing that right now. Actually, Cara, Oh, there's an appreciation practice that I love and it's simply is stating what I appreciate about you. So, Cara, what I appreciate about you is your unending, one, unequivocal perspective of the glass half full. You will see the dog on sunny side of the most crazy stuff. And I mind blown by that because then how many times I give you like cal area and really, and I'm like, what, Well, I appreciate that about you because that's like you have little blue birds, and you're like, no, don't say that, but it's a gift that you have maintained to be forty and to be in a place where you can still see things from this wonderful lens of naivete. It's refreshing. I appreciate that because it is difficult to actually stay in the space compared to what is actually out there. So thanks to this show, I pray that I am not being toxically positive. No, I don't think so. I think I don't think so either, But I don't think so. I think it's good to have that. But yes, it's I'm still refreshing when I can say, Carl, and I hope I encourage you to see the glass half full as well. You know, I mean, I'm got half empty all the way. But my glasses you're more than half full. Okay, your glass real, You've got a real it's more realistic. My glass is clear, your glass is green, your glasses rose colored. Well, thank you, Tracy. That's still beautiful compliment. And as I act, just this rutle eid as well. What I appreciate about you, Tracy, it's just your ability to continue to motivate no matter what, you will stop dead sentence and tell someone what you appreciate about them. You will affirm them and ensure that they are loved. It don't matter what, and it is from a true, genuine place, And you continue to cheer me on as an older version of myself. We talked about it all the time, how similar we are. But I see you in value as a mentor as well for me, and I appreciate you. Thank you example. It feels good to have a moment of appreciation. That's it does. Yes, Yes, it's needed, it's needed, It is needed. It really it's one of some episodes in and you know what I think for the listeners, what I want to encourage them to do, it's the same. Take time to tell someone what you appreciate about them is because it's just nice to hear it. It's nice to hear definitely, And well, hasn't this been a wonderful time of reflection full It's just beautiful it has. Man, I'm I just can't say it enough. I guess people say, yes you can, Tracy, because you said if you're out the whole days our episode, to get this book. But I'm telling y'all when this book comes out. I think presale starts at some point and we got it early, so I'm not sure exactly when pre sale, but pre sale is available and the book comes out in January. Don't wait. Get this book because you want to start practicing some of the things in here, because it will definitely improve your life and the lives of the people that you are closely connected to in wealth as well. Absolutely, we want to know how you're feeling about this new season of Red Table Talk, and we are open to talk about anything with you all. So because we appreciate you, we want you to know that you are able to send in your questions at Let's red Table that at red table talk dot com, or please feel free to use your voice and leave us a voicemail at speak pipe dot com slash Let's red Table that. We want to hear your voice. You know what, You can go to speak pike dot com slash red Table Talk and tell us what you appreciate about Carr and me. Well, we appreciate about you is that you've listened. Thank you so much for listening, and make sure you subscribe on I Heart Radio app and please rate this podcast on Apple Podcast. We want to five. We're not shock only. We'll be back next week for another episode of Let's Red Table That special Thanks to executive producers JD. P. Pett Smith, Valon Jethro and Ellen Rackinton. Thank you to our producer colleague and Rue and our associate producer Yolanda Chow. And finally, thanks to our sound engineer Stephanie Aguilar. Hey, let's table that, Let's red table that. Hey, let's read table.

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