This is Let's Be Clear with Shannon Dorny.

This is Let's Be Clear with Shannon Dorny.

Hi everybody, I'm China Phillips and welcome to Let's Be Clear. I am absolutely honored to be here today. I had the beautiful privilege of meeting Shannon.

Hi everybody, I'm China Phillips and welcome to Let's Be Clear. I am absolutely honored to be here today. I had the beautiful privilege of meeting Shannon.

Just a couple of months before she.

Just a couple of months before she.

Passed, and I just was so moved by how down to earth and how intelligent and how kind and just how.

Passed, and I just was so moved by how down to earth and how intelligent and how kind and just how.

Real she was. It was just so lovely too.

Real she was. It was just so lovely too.

I mean, I used to watch Little House on the Prairie and I just always thought she was so pretty, and to watch and follow her career and now to have this opportunity to be on Let's Be Clear is very overwhelming for me, and I'm super excited about it. And I just want to say thank you for everyone who reached out to me. And I think it's so beautiful that this podcast has continued despite the fact that we don't have her beautiful spirit and soul with us here in this world. But I am here today to just talk about life in general, and to talk about the peaks and the valleys of marriage, of career, and most of all for me of my faith.

I mean, I used to watch Little House on the Prairie and I just always thought she was so pretty, and to watch and follow her career and now to have this opportunity to be on Let's Be Clear is very overwhelming for me, and I'm super excited about it. And I just want to say thank you for everyone who reached out to me. And I think it's so beautiful that this podcast has continued despite the fact that we don't have her beautiful spirit and soul with us here in this world. But I am here today to just talk about life in general, and to talk about the peaks and the valleys of marriage, of career, and most of all for me of my faith.

I am.

I am.

A woman of faith and I share that.

A woman of faith and I share that.

On my YouTube channel.

On my YouTube channel.

California preaching, which has been a labor of love. And I am very explicit about my walk with God. And it's actually really funny because I don't know. I run a very tight shipwreck. So let's be clear about that.

California preaching, which has been a labor of love. And I am very explicit about my walk with God. And it's actually really funny because I don't know. I run a very tight shipwreck. So let's be clear about that.

My life is not perfect in any way, shape or form, nor is my faith.

My life is not perfect in any way, shape or form, nor is my faith.

And so I really do like to talk about my ups and downs and my what I wrestle with, and.

And so I really do like to talk about my ups and downs and my what I wrestle with, and.

I'm excited to share it with you. So let's dive in.

I'm excited to share it with you. So let's dive in.

I am married to the actor William Baldwin, and we have been married for twenty nine years.

I am married to the actor William Baldwin, and we have been married for twenty nine years.

I think that's right. I could be wrong.

I think that's right. I could be wrong.

I'm pretty certain that we will be celebrating our thirtieth wedding anniversary next year September ninth. I met Billy when I was twenty three years old, so I was a child bride and we married in ninety five and it was a super romantical sort.

I'm pretty certain that we will be celebrating our thirtieth wedding anniversary next year September ninth. I met Billy when I was twenty three years old, so I was a child bride and we married in ninety five and it was a super romantical sort.

Of he swept me off my feet sort of thing.

Of he swept me off my feet sort of thing.

And you know, I'd had a couple of toads in my life, and so when I met Billy, I was just really taken by his integrity, and I was taken by his extreme intelligence. He's a political science he was a political science major and just a very committed philanth philanthropist I can't speak today philanthropist.

And you know, I'd had a couple of toads in my life, and so when I met Billy, I was just really taken by his integrity, and I was taken by his extreme intelligence. He's a political science he was a political science major and just a very committed philanth philanthropist I can't speak today philanthropist.

And.

And.

Just very professional in his work and very open with me about his heart.

Just very professional in his work and very open with me about his heart.

He wasn't afraid to reveal.

He wasn't afraid to reveal.

His own personal struggles and also to really be very vocal about how much he cared for me, which was something that was foreign to me to be in a relationship with somebody that was so able to articulate their feelings for me and then to back it up with action, not.

His own personal struggles and also to really be very vocal about how much he cared for me, which was something that was foreign to me to be in a relationship with somebody that was so able to articulate their feelings for me and then to back it up with action, not.

Just lip service.

Just lip service.

And so that was very powerful for me because my relationship with my father was very strained. My dad is a notorious drug addict, John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas. My mother is Michelle Phillips of the Mamas and Papa's. They were married for seven years before they divorced. They divorced when I was two, and my mom pretty much had full custody of me and I very rarely got to see my father.

And so that was very powerful for me because my relationship with my father was very strained. My dad is a notorious drug addict, John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas. My mother is Michelle Phillips of the Mamas and Papa's. They were married for seven years before they divorced. They divorced when I was two, and my mom pretty much had full custody of me and I very rarely got to see my father.

And well, when I did see my father, it was.

And well, when I did see my father, it was.

Always like super over the top, like he would take me to Disney World, or he would take me, you know, to just on these extravagant vacations and stuff. But then that all stopped and it became very dark, and when I would visit him, I would see things that no child should ever see, needles, blood, you name it, him having you know, a stroke in front of me, odeane.

Always like super over the top, like he would take me to Disney World, or he would take me, you know, to just on these extravagant vacations and stuff. But then that all stopped and it became very dark, and when I would visit him, I would see things that no child should ever see, needles, blood, you name it, him having you know, a stroke in front of me, odeane.

It was a frightmare. And so.

It was a frightmare. And so.

Just I'm regressing a little bit, but to get back to Billy, clearly for me to find this human that was really stable, and I mean his father was his cub Scout leader and he.

Just I'm regressing a little bit, but to get back to Billy, clearly for me to find this human that was really stable, and I mean his father was his cub Scout leader and he.

Lived in the same home. He was brought to the house as an infant and you know, left to go to college, and it was the same home for me.

Lived in the same home. He was brought to the house as an infant and you know, left to go to college, and it was the same home for me.

I think I lived in twelve to fourteen different houses growing up. I went to twelve different schools, just a whole lot of instability. And so there was this stability factor that Billy brought into my life. And he was kind of like that night in Shining Armor that came in and sort of saved me. And at that time, I kind of fun, being honest, did need saving. But as our relationship grew grew and matured, I realized that.

I think I lived in twelve to fourteen different houses growing up. I went to twelve different schools, just a whole lot of instability. And so there was this stability factor that Billy brought into my life. And he was kind of like that night in Shining Armor that came in and sort of saved me. And at that time, I kind of fun, being honest, did need saving. But as our relationship grew grew and matured, I realized that.

Our marriage was.

Our marriage was.

Sort of like the old way that we used to operate wasn't really working for me anymore. And this was twenty years, and I'm skipping forward. We have three beautiful children, Jamison, Vance and Brooks, and we really had some really glorious years together raising the kids. But then kind of reality set in when we became empty nesters, and it was sort of we didn't have the distractions of being parents, and so it was just sort of like all Billy all the time, all China all the time. And I think that it was a stark reality when the kids left and we realized, oh my goodness, like it's just the two of us now, and we needed to pour into our marriage. And unfortunately, we were sort of running on fumes and we had neglected our relationship for a while, and we had done that unintentionally. And I say that because I really want to help prevent another couple from having to go through that, because it was incredibly painful, you know, agonizing at one point when we actually separated for six months because I didn't I felt lost and I felt like I felt very lost at sea, and I felt like we didn't understand each.

Sort of like the old way that we used to operate wasn't really working for me anymore. And this was twenty years, and I'm skipping forward. We have three beautiful children, Jamison, Vance and Brooks, and we really had some really glorious years together raising the kids. But then kind of reality set in when we became empty nesters, and it was sort of we didn't have the distractions of being parents, and so it was just sort of like all Billy all the time, all China all the time. And I think that it was a stark reality when the kids left and we realized, oh my goodness, like it's just the two of us now, and we needed to pour into our marriage. And unfortunately, we were sort of running on fumes and we had neglected our relationship for a while, and we had done that unintentionally. And I say that because I really want to help prevent another couple from having to go through that, because it was incredibly painful, you know, agonizing at one point when we actually separated for six months because I didn't I felt lost and I felt like I felt very lost at sea, and I felt like we didn't understand each.

Other anymore the way we had in earlier days.

Other anymore the way we had in earlier days.

So we went to therapy and that was helpful, but it was just sort of like a band aid. It didn't really help us in the way that it does help others. So I'm not debunking therapy in any way. I think therapy is fantastic, but I think that you have to have the right, you know, fit, and that particular therapist just wasn't the right fit for us, and it kind of ended up backfiring because it brought up all of these It unearthed all of these issues that I don't think we.

So we went to therapy and that was helpful, but it was just sort of like a band aid. It didn't really help us in the way that it does help others. So I'm not debunking therapy in any way. I think therapy is fantastic, but I think that you have to have the right, you know, fit, and that particular therapist just wasn't the right fit for us, and it kind of ended up backfiring because it brought up all of these It unearthed all of these issues that I don't think we.

Were prepared to confront, and so when.

Were prepared to confront, and so when.

The time came that we needed to process some of these feelings, I think that we didn't even know up from down. It was like impossible, after all of the decades we'd been together, to actually sift through all of these issues.

The time came that we needed to process some of these feelings, I think that we didn't even know up from down. It was like impossible, after all of the decades we'd been together, to actually sift through all of these issues.

And it just felt very overwhelming.

And it just felt very overwhelming.

So what I did realize in our separation was that I I think it was almost like losing a limb. I just felt like I wasn't China. I felt very I can't explain it. It's almost like I felt broken and I didn't have my compass and I didn't have my true north. And that's when I had the realization and the epiphany of, oh, my goodness, the reason I feel this way is because I don't have Billie in my life, I'm to cry, but I realized that I was missing my best friend and that I was missing the love of my life. And so in some ways, I don't regret the fact that we separated. I feel like that was truly what we needed at that time in order to understand the gravity of our love and our commitment to one another. And so thankfully we are back together again. And I did go through sort of a season where I thought, well, maybe we could be back together again, but not living and dwelling under the same roof. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I had heard about married living apart, and I thought, well, you know, we do sort of have an allergy toward one another, and we do kind of like rub each other the wrong way sometimes, and we do bicker constantly, so maybe it would be maybe it would behoove us to live separately. So Billy's so sweet, like he was willing to do absolutely anything, so he was down for trying the married living. A part of that was something that I really felt I needed and wanted. But that was disastrous and it didn't really it didn't remedy our issue of bickering and being an allergy toward one another. That's where my faith comes in. I really started praying. I'm a Christian, and in two thousand and four I had a radical encounter with the Living Lord Jesus, and I was convicted in every possible way that he truly is the way, the truth, and the life. And I decided to live my life in accordance to His will. And obviously I don't do it perfectly at all. Actually it's quite comical. And the reason Jesus had to come in the first place was because all of us are broken, and all of us are pretty much on the Titanic. All of us are sinking, and all of us need a savior. Now, of course this is my personal belief that I, you know, pray might speak to you. But I had to really draw on my faith and go to the well of that living water when I was in that agonizing pain of not knowing if my whole marriage and my family was going to be dismantled. So for me, calling on Jesus and really leaving all of my problems at the cross was incredibly healing, and I feel like Jesus really came through for me. He was very patient with me and he let me go down all of my dead ends and detours. And you know, God is so loving and so merciful and so faithful, and he really allows us to figure things out because he knows that that's going to help us evolve and help us grow, and he does it all out of love. It is a discipline in some sort of way. You could sort of describe it as a father disciplining his child, but it's the most loving type of discipline. You know, you would never let your child run into the street, right, so you're going to reprimand your child if they start running in the middle of the street.

So what I did realize in our separation was that I I think it was almost like losing a limb. I just felt like I wasn't China. I felt very I can't explain it. It's almost like I felt broken and I didn't have my compass and I didn't have my true north. And that's when I had the realization and the epiphany of, oh, my goodness, the reason I feel this way is because I don't have Billie in my life, I'm to cry, but I realized that I was missing my best friend and that I was missing the love of my life. And so in some ways, I don't regret the fact that we separated. I feel like that was truly what we needed at that time in order to understand the gravity of our love and our commitment to one another. And so thankfully we are back together again. And I did go through sort of a season where I thought, well, maybe we could be back together again, but not living and dwelling under the same roof. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I had heard about married living apart, and I thought, well, you know, we do sort of have an allergy toward one another, and we do kind of like rub each other the wrong way sometimes, and we do bicker constantly, so maybe it would be maybe it would behoove us to live separately. So Billy's so sweet, like he was willing to do absolutely anything, so he was down for trying the married living. A part of that was something that I really felt I needed and wanted. But that was disastrous and it didn't really it didn't remedy our issue of bickering and being an allergy toward one another. That's where my faith comes in. I really started praying. I'm a Christian, and in two thousand and four I had a radical encounter with the Living Lord Jesus, and I was convicted in every possible way that he truly is the way, the truth, and the life. And I decided to live my life in accordance to His will. And obviously I don't do it perfectly at all. Actually it's quite comical. And the reason Jesus had to come in the first place was because all of us are broken, and all of us are pretty much on the Titanic. All of us are sinking, and all of us need a savior. Now, of course this is my personal belief that I, you know, pray might speak to you. But I had to really draw on my faith and go to the well of that living water when I was in that agonizing pain of not knowing if my whole marriage and my family was going to be dismantled. So for me, calling on Jesus and really leaving all of my problems at the cross was incredibly healing, and I feel like Jesus really came through for me. He was very patient with me and he let me go down all of my dead ends and detours. And you know, God is so loving and so merciful and so faithful, and he really allows us to figure things out because he knows that that's going to help us evolve and help us grow, and he does it all out of love. It is a discipline in some sort of way. You could sort of describe it as a father disciplining his child, but it's the most loving type of discipline. You know, you would never let your child run into the street, right, so you're going to reprimand your child if they start running in the middle of the street.

And so it's sort of like that.

And so it's sort of like that.

Analogy of a father caring for his child enough to reprimand them and allow them to fall on their face from time to time because sometimes they have to touch the stove to realize, you know. And I know this sounds super cliche, but it is true. So Billy and I are now in a probably the most beautiful place that we have ever been in our marriage, and I'm incredibly thankful for that. I don't know if I I don't know. I feel like Billy has grown and he has changed so much over the past six to eight months, and he would have to tell you that story because it's not really my story to tell. But I'm incredibly proud of him for the courage that he's.

Analogy of a father caring for his child enough to reprimand them and allow them to fall on their face from time to time because sometimes they have to touch the stove to realize, you know. And I know this sounds super cliche, but it is true. So Billy and I are now in a probably the most beautiful place that we have ever been in our marriage, and I'm incredibly thankful for that. I don't know if I I don't know. I feel like Billy has grown and he has changed so much over the past six to eight months, and he would have to tell you that story because it's not really my story to tell. But I'm incredibly proud of him for the courage that he's.

Had to dig deep and to do.

Had to dig deep and to do.

The heavy lifting and to really look squarely at himself, his past, his choices, and of course I've had to do the same. And that's what it boils down to. If you can find a partner that's willing to do the work with you, then you have found a tremendous partnership. Because when you're doing the heavy lifting and it's all you, that's not sustainable and you're going to crash and burn and you're going to be alone at the end of the day because truly, it takes it takes too you know, it takes two and to make a.

The heavy lifting and to really look squarely at himself, his past, his choices, and of course I've had to do the same. And that's what it boils down to. If you can find a partner that's willing to do the work with you, then you have found a tremendous partnership. Because when you're doing the heavy lifting and it's all you, that's not sustainable and you're going to crash and burn and you're going to be alone at the end of the day because truly, it takes it takes too you know, it takes two and to make a.

Thing go right.

Thing go right.

But yeah, and I guess that's pretty much where we're at now. We are, like I would be lying to you if I didn't say that, I'm sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop because we've been we've been together a long time, and you know, there are patterns and dances that couples get into, and I'm just sort of pinching myself, like could we have really moved into this new place and our marriage. That is so delightful and so exciting. And I actually look forward to hearing his card drive up the driveway, whereas you know, ten years ago, when his car drove up the driveway, my stomach would drop and I would sink and I would just be like, Oh, no, he's home.

But yeah, and I guess that's pretty much where we're at now. We are, like I would be lying to you if I didn't say that, I'm sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop because we've been we've been together a long time, and you know, there are patterns and dances that couples get into, and I'm just sort of pinching myself, like could we have really moved into this new place and our marriage. That is so delightful and so exciting. And I actually look forward to hearing his card drive up the driveway, whereas you know, ten years ago, when his car drove up the driveway, my stomach would drop and I would sink and I would just be like, Oh, no, he's home.

And I remember thinking, that is so pathetic, that is so sad. Why are you even in this marriage if you feel that way?

And I remember thinking, that is so pathetic, that is so sad. Why are you even in this marriage if you feel that way?

But I stuck it out because not only do I love Billy and he's my dearest friend, but also because I had a family, and I made a commitment and I when.

But I stuck it out because not only do I love Billy and he's my dearest friend, but also because I had a family, and I made a commitment and I when.

I said my vows, I meant it.

I said my vows, I meant it.

And I feel like when I was threatened with the reality of losing my family, it literally felt like my arm was being cut off without anesthesia, it just felt so painful. I would just writhe on the floor and I would just weep and sob for hours at a time because for me, the idea of losing my whole family again, since I had already grown up in a fractured home, it was just too much for.

And I feel like when I was threatened with the reality of losing my family, it literally felt like my arm was being cut off without anesthesia, it just felt so painful. I would just writhe on the floor and I would just weep and sob for hours at a time because for me, the idea of losing my whole family again, since I had already grown up in a fractured home, it was just too much for.

Me to bear.

Me to bear.

And I wanted to fight tooth and nail to save my family, and to save my children from the suffering that I had to endure without a father and with so much toxicity and addiction in my world.

And I wanted to fight tooth and nail to save my family, and to save my children from the suffering that I had to endure without a father and with so much toxicity and addiction in my world.

And I just love my family.

And I just love my family.

I love my family, and you know, not to say that divorce is not an option, of course, of course, of course, sometimes relationships just don't work, sometimes marriages just fail. But I do believe that sometimes people pull the ripcord.

I love my family, and you know, not to say that divorce is not an option, of course, of course, of course, sometimes relationships just don't work, sometimes marriages just fail. But I do believe that sometimes people pull the ripcord.

A little too soon.

A little too soon.

And that makes me sad because I have a lot of friends who.

And that makes me sad because I have a lot of friends who.

Have said to me, thank god, you stuck this out. Thank God. It is the worst to be a single.

Have said to me, thank god, you stuck this out. Thank God. It is the worst to be a single.

Mom, and it's so hard, the dating and going out there. It's like I always and my sister would say to me, you know what's going to happen, right, You're going to divorce Billy, and then you're going to go to like a school function, and he's going to be sitting in the front row with Angela, like she's.

Mom, and it's so hard, the dating and going out there. It's like I always and my sister would say to me, you know what's going to happen, right, You're going to divorce Billy, and then you're going to go to like a school function, and he's going to be sitting in the front row with Angela, like she's.

Made up a name.

Made up a name.

She's going to be six months pregnant, and she's going to be twenty five years younger than you. And then she's going to take your kids back to her house and she's going to read them a bedtime story.

She's going to be six months pregnant, and she's going to be twenty five years younger than you. And then she's going to take your kids back to her house and she's going to read them a bedtime story.

And I was like, stop stop.

And I was like, stop stop.

It was just all too much for me, and she kind of laid it out and I realized, Oh, my goodness, like, I don't think I was seeing.

It was just all too much for me, and she kind of laid it out and I realized, Oh, my goodness, like, I don't think I was seeing.

The macro cosm divorce.

The macro cosm divorce.

I was seeing the micro cosm of divorce, like, Oh, I won't have to deal with him on a daily basis, and oh, I'll have my freedom, and oh, I won't have to call to anybody, and oh, I won't have to deal with, you know, feeling depressed and unloved or unnoticed or all of this. I won't have to deal with that anymore. And that is that's legitimate. That's legitimate.

I was seeing the micro cosm of divorce, like, Oh, I won't have to deal with him on a daily basis, and oh, I'll have my freedom, and oh, I won't have to call to anybody, and oh, I won't have to deal with, you know, feeling depressed and unloved or unnoticed or all of this. I won't have to deal with that anymore. And that is that's legitimate. That's legitimate.

I can understand why I would feel that way.

I can understand why I would feel that way.

But there is a richness to our relationship now that we wouldn't have had had we not gone through our fire.

But there is a richness to our relationship now that we wouldn't have had had we not gone through our fire.

And we are on the other side of it now, but.

And we are on the other side of it now, but.

New issues, you know, are constantly presenting themselves. But the beautiful thing is that we are choosing each other. We're choosing to do this. And now I'm able to love and appreciate Billy in a way.

New issues, you know, are constantly presenting themselves. But the beautiful thing is that we are choosing each other. We're choosing to do this. And now I'm able to love and appreciate Billy in a way.

That I wasn't able to even just a year ago.

That I wasn't able to even just a year ago.

And I feel really thankful to the Lord that he's brought us through. And I look forward to the future, and we really are looking for things that can bring us closer because we have not we don't have that much in common really, to be honest, my husband and I like the thing that we have in common is that we have nothing in common.

And I feel really thankful to the Lord that he's brought us through. And I look forward to the future, and we really are looking for things that can bring us closer because we have not we don't have that much in common really, to be honest, my husband and I like the thing that we have in common is that we have nothing in common.

And that's our joke, but it's true.

And that's our joke, but it's true.

And so, you know, we have to be very intentional, like, Okay, we're going to find a show that we're going to watch together, or we're going to go for a hike on Saturday, or we're going to you know, cook a meal together, We're going to go to a show, we're going to you.

And so, you know, we have to be very intentional, like, Okay, we're going to find a show that we're going to watch together, or we're going to go for a hike on Saturday, or we're going to you know, cook a meal together, We're going to go to a show, we're going to you.

Know, go on a little weekend get away.

Know, go on a little weekend get away.

We have to be intentional because we're not one of these couples that just loves to do the same thing. And we love to you know, we just we're not interested in the same things.

We have to be intentional because we're not one of these couples that just loves to do the same thing. And we love to you know, we just we're not interested in the same things.

And that's okay, that's all right. We kind of speak two.

And that's okay, that's all right. We kind of speak two.

Different languages, and I'm starting to learn his language and he's starting to learn mine. So yeah, and then there's just lots of exciting things going on in our world. We're looking to partner together in work, and we have some exciting things on the horizon. So it's just neat to be in this season of my marriage and to be able to say that I love him again because there were there were, you know, times where I questioned it and I feel almost guilty and sad saying that.

Different languages, and I'm starting to learn his language and he's starting to learn mine. So yeah, and then there's just lots of exciting things going on in our world. We're looking to partner together in work, and we have some exciting things on the horizon. So it's just neat to be in this season of my marriage and to be able to say that I love him again because there were there were, you know, times where I questioned it and I feel almost guilty and sad saying that.

But let's be clear, there are.

But let's be clear, there are.

Times in your marriage where you're not going to be feeling the love and that's just natural and normal. So don't guilt yourself, don't shame yourself if that's what you're walking through right now, because I've been there and I know what that feels like. So yeah, I am so thankful to be able to be on this podcast today and to be able to share my truth and just a little snippet of my life. And I pray that you've identified in some way, shape or form, And I just thank you for taking the time to listen to me today because you're never going to get that time back, So God bless you, and yeah, Peace of Christ.

Times in your marriage where you're not going to be feeling the love and that's just natural and normal. So don't guilt yourself, don't shame yourself if that's what you're walking through right now, because I've been there and I know what that feels like. So yeah, I am so thankful to be able to be on this podcast today and to be able to share my truth and just a little snippet of my life. And I pray that you've identified in some way, shape or form, And I just thank you for taking the time to listen to me today because you're never going to get that time back, So God bless you, and yeah, Peace of Christ.