What do you do when you’re doing everything you’re supposed to do and it still isn’t working?

Therapy. Medication. Meditation. Journaling. Working out. Building community. Asking for help. Sometimes we’re told that if we just do the “right” things long enough, eventually we’ll feel better. But what happens when you’re doing all of those things and you’re still struggling?

In this episode, Kier Gaines takes on a series of listener questions that get into some of the hardest parts of being human: mental health, relationships, rebuilding after incarceration, family boundaries, and the uncomfortable reality of realizing that the life you’re building may not look the way you thought it would.

Kier starts with a listener who has spent years in therapy, tried multiple approaches, built community, and continues to struggle with suicidal thoughts. Rather than treating that struggle as evidence of failure, Kier asks a different question: What if the fact that you’re still here is part of the progress?

The conversation explores why healing isn’t always about making difficult thoughts or feelings disappear. Sometimes progress looks like learning how to recognize what’s happening, knowing when to reach for support, and being willing to try a different approach when the one you’ve been using isn’t working anymore.

Kier also responds to a man trying to rebuild his relationship after spending time incarcerated. He wants to know what he can do to fix things, but his partner doesn’t have a clear answer for what she needs. Kier breaks down why “I don’t know” can actually be an honest answer, why both people can be struggling at the same time, and how guilt can make us rush toward solutions before we’ve actually dealt with the emotions underneath them.

Because sometimes you’re so focused on explaining why you’re hurting that you stop being curious about what the other person has been carrying.

The episode also tackles what happens when a parent moves into or near your household. Kier talks about the boundaries couples need to establish before the toothbrush is already in the bathroom and everyone is trying to figure out who gets a say. From parenting and decision-making to privacy and marriage, the conversation asks a bigger question: Who gets access to what?

⚠️ Content Warning

This episode includes a conversation about suicide, suicidal thoughts, and mental health struggles. Please use discretion while listening if these topics may be difficult or triggering for you. If you or someone you know is struggling, support is available:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988 for free, confidential, 24/7 crisis support.

Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor.

SAMHSA National Helpline
Call 1-800-662-4357 (HELP) for free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral and information for mental health and substance use concerns.

FindTreatment.gov
Find mental health and substance use treatment facilities and resources in your area.

NAMI HelpLine
Call 1-800-950-6264 or text NAMI to 62640 for mental health information and support.

Mental Health America
Visit mhanational.org for mental health information, screening tools, and resources for finding support.

For Veterans, Service Members, and Their Loved Ones:
Call 988 and press 1, or text 838255 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

In This Episode


What to do when everything you’ve been trying still doesn’t seem to work


Why struggling doesn’t automatically mean you’re failing


The difference between feeling like a failure and being a failure


Why progress isn’t always about making difficult feelings disappear


Knowing when it might be time to try a different approach


The importance of continuity in mental health care


What rebuilding a relationship can look like after incarceration


Why “I don’t know” can be a legitimate answer


How guilt can turn relationships into problem-solving exercises


Why asking “When did you first start feeling this way?” can be more productive than asking “What do you need me to do?”


How survival mode can make us hyper-focused on explaining ourselves


Why curiosity about your partner matters, even when you’re struggling too


Preparing your marriage before a parent moves into your household


The conversations couples need to have about parenting, decision-making, privacy, and boundaries


Why boundaries aren’t always walls—they can be doors


How to recognize when a family arrangement isn’t working before things become unmanageable


What happens when success turns the thing you love into a business


The pressure of visibility, expectations, and becoming a public figure


Why the grind doesn’t always mean you’re living the life you actually want

Sometimes the thing you’ve been doing isn’t working anymore. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re broken. It might mean you need a different approach. A different conversation. A different boundary. A different way of looking at the problem.

And sometimes, it might mean admitting that the person you’re becoming needs something different than the person you used to be.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to stay curious enough to find the next one.

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note:
Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email:
learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

📚 Get Kier’s first book, It All Starts When You Do, available wherever books are sold.

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs the reminder that struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing—and sometimes the next step is simply being willing to try something different.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

What do you do when you&rsquo;re doing everything you&rsquo;re supposed to do and it still isn&rsquo;t working?
Therapy. Medication. Meditation. Journaling. Working out. Building community. Asking for help. Sometimes we&rsquo;re told that if we just do the &ldquo;right&rdquo; things long enough, eventually we&rsquo;ll feel better. But what happens when you&rsquo;re doing all of those things and you&rsquo;re still struggling?
In this episode, Kier Gaines takes on a series of listener questions that get into some of the hardest parts of being human: mental health, relationships, rebuilding after incarceration, family boundaries, and the uncomfortable reality of realizing that the life you&rsquo;re building may not look the way you thought it would.
Kier starts with a listener who has spent years in therapy, tried multiple approaches, built community, and continues to struggle with suicidal thoughts. Rather than treating that struggle as evidence of failure, Kier asks a different question: What if the fact that you&rsquo;re still here is part of the progress?
The conversation explores why healing isn&rsquo;t always about making difficult thoughts or feelings disappear. Sometimes progress looks like learning how to recognize what&rsquo;s happening, knowing when to reach for support, and being willing to try a different approach when the one you&rsquo;ve been using isn&rsquo;t working anymore.
Kier also responds to a man trying to rebuild his relationship after spending time incarcerated. He wants to know what he can do to fix things, but his partner doesn&rsquo;t have a clear answer for what she needs. Kier breaks down why &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know&rdquo; can actually be an honest answer, why both people can be struggling at the same time, and how guilt can make us rush toward solutions before we&rsquo;ve actually dealt with the emotions underneath them.
Because sometimes you&rsquo;re so focused on explaining why you&rsquo;re hurting that you stop being curious about what the other person has been carrying.
The episode also tackles what happens when a parent moves into or near your household. Kier talks about the boundaries couples need to establish before the toothbrush is already in the bathroom and everyone is trying to figure out who gets a say. From parenting and decision-making to privacy and marriage, the conversation asks a bigger question: Who gets access to what?
<hr>
⚠️ Content Warning
This episode includes a conversation about suicide, suicidal thoughts, and mental health struggles. Please use discretion while listening if these topics may be difficult or triggering for you.&nbsp;If you or someone you know is struggling, support is available:
988 Suicide &amp; Crisis Lifeline Call or text 988 for free, confidential, 24/7 crisis support.
Crisis Text Line Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor.
SAMHSA National Helpline Call 1-800-662-4357 (HELP) for free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral and information for mental health and substance use concerns.
FindTreatment.gov Find mental health and substance use treatment facilities and resources in your area.
NAMI HelpLine Call 1-800-950-6264 or text NAMI to 62640 for mental health information and support.
Mental Health America Visit mhanational.org for mental health information, screening tools, and resources for finding support.
For Veterans, Service Members, and Their Loved Ones: Call 988 and press 1, or text 838255 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
<hr>
In This Episode
<ul>
<li>
What to do when everything you&rsquo;ve been trying still doesn&rsquo;t seem to work
</li>
<li>
Why struggling doesn&rsquo;t automatically mean you&rsquo;re failing
</li>
<li>
The difference between feeling like a failure and being a failure
</li>
<li>
Why progress isn&rsquo;t always about making difficult feelings disappear
</li>
<li>
Knowing when it might be time to try a different approach
</li>
<li>
The importance of continuity in mental health care
</li>
<li>
What rebuilding a relationship can look like after incarceration
</li>
<li>
Why &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know&rdquo; can be a legitimate answer
</li>
<li>
How guilt can turn relationships into problem-solving exercises
</li>
<li>
Why asking &ldquo;When did you first start feeling this way?&rdquo; can be more productive than asking &ldquo;What do you need me to do?&rdquo;
</li>
<li>
How survival mode can make us hyper-focused on explaining ourselves
</li>
<li>
Why curiosity about your partner matters, even when you&rsquo;re struggling too
</li>
<li>
Preparing your marriage before a parent moves into your household
</li>
<li>
The conversations couples need to have about parenting, decision-making, privacy, and boundaries
</li>
<li>
Why boundaries aren&rsquo;t always walls&mdash;they can be doors
</li>
<li>
How to recognize when a family arrangement isn&rsquo;t working before things become unmanageable
</li>
<li>
What happens when success turns the thing you love into a business
</li>
<li>
The pressure of visibility, expectations, and becoming a public figure
</li>
<li>
Why the grind doesn&rsquo;t always mean you&rsquo;re living the life you actually want
</li>
</ul>
Sometimes the thing you&rsquo;ve been doing isn&rsquo;t working anymore. That doesn&rsquo;t necessarily mean you&rsquo;re broken. It might mean you need a different approach. A different conversation. A different boundary. A different way of looking at the problem.
And sometimes, it might mean admitting that the person you&rsquo;re becoming needs something different than the person you used to be.
You don&rsquo;t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to stay curious enough to find the next one.
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: <a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW">Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
📚 Get Kier&rsquo;s first book, It All Starts When You Do, available wherever books are sold.
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs the reminder that struggling doesn&rsquo;t mean you&rsquo;re failing&mdash;and sometimes the next step is simply being willing to try something different.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist Kier Gaines brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.


Edited and produced by Idea to Launch Productions

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.
 Edited and produced by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines

EP 26: The Hard Part Is Admitting It’s Not Working.

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/2d208f37-f573-492c-9644-b4cf004e16e2/transcript