It’s hard to appreciate your own life when you’re constantly measuring it against somebody else’s.

Their career is moving faster. They bought the house. They got married. Their business is growing. Their family looks perfect. And thanks to social media, somebody else’s wins are always close enough to make you question whether you’re falling behind.

In this episode, Kier gets honest about comparison, social media, and the pressure to keep up with timelines that may have never belonged to us in the first place. He breaks down how comparison can turn someone else’s success into evidence of our own shortcomings—even when we don’t know the full story behind what we’re seeing.

Kier also challenges the idea that comparison automatically means jealousy. Sometimes you can genuinely be happy for someone else while their success forces you to evaluate your own life: “I’m happy for you, but I’m sad for me.” The problem isn’t always having the thought; it’s what we allow that thought to make us believe about ourselves.

Drawing from his own career, therapy work, and experiences as a creator, Kier explores why somebody else’s success may come with sacrifices you can’t see—and may not even want. Instead of borrowing someone else’s definition of success, he encourages us to get clear about what actually matters to us and decide which race is ours to run.

If you’ve ever looked around and wondered why you’re not further ahead, this episode is a reminder that somebody else’s timeline is not proof that you’re behind. Your story gets to unfold on its own time.

In This Episode


Why comparison feels so convincing


How social media turns someone else’s highlight reel into your measuring stick


The cycle of noticing differences, taking inventory, and fixating on what you lack


Why comparison isn’t always rooted in jealousy


How to hold two truths: “I’m happy for you, but I’m sad for me”


Why arbitrary timelines make normal detours feel like failures


The difference between someone’s perceived success and their actual reality


Why your instincts about other people’s lives can be completely wrong


How Kier learned to compare in ways that strengthen his confidence instead of destroying it


Why someone else’s success may require sacrifices you’re not willing to make


How to stop borrowing other people’s definitions of success


The questions that help you define what a good life actually looks like for you

Key Takeaways


Someone else winning doesn’t mean you’re losing. Their success and your progress are two separate things.


Social media gives you milestones without context. You rarely know what something cost someone to achieve or maintain.


Comparison becomes dangerous when you use the gap between you and someone else as evidence that something is wrong with you.


You can admire what someone has without actually wanting the life required to maintain it.


The clearer you are about what matters to you, the less tempting it becomes to measure your life against somebody else’s.


Confidence isn’t built by winning someone else’s race. It starts with knowing which race is actually yours.


Instead of asking, “Why am I so far behind?” ask, “Who told me I was supposed to be there by now?”

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

📚 Pre-order Kier’s first book, It All Starts When You Do, available wherever books are sold.

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs the reminder that they’re not behind—they’re living their own timeline.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

It&rsquo;s hard to appreciate your own life when you&rsquo;re constantly measuring it against somebody else&rsquo;s.
Their career is moving faster. They bought the house. They got married. Their business is growing. Their family looks perfect. And thanks to social media, somebody else&rsquo;s wins are always close enough to make you question whether you&rsquo;re falling behind.
In this episode, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier</a> gets honest about comparison, social media, and the pressure to keep up with timelines that may have never belonged to us in the first place. He breaks down how comparison can turn someone else&rsquo;s success into evidence of our own shortcomings&mdash;even when we don&rsquo;t know the full story behind what we&rsquo;re seeing.
Kier also challenges the idea that comparison automatically means jealousy. Sometimes you can genuinely be happy for someone else while their success forces you to evaluate your own life: &ldquo;I&rsquo;m happy for you, but I&rsquo;m sad for me.&rdquo; The problem isn&rsquo;t always having the thought; it&rsquo;s what we allow that thought to make us believe about ourselves.
Drawing from his own career, therapy work, and experiences as a creator, Kier explores why somebody else&rsquo;s success may come with sacrifices you can&rsquo;t see&mdash;and may not even want. Instead of borrowing someone else&rsquo;s definition of success, he encourages us to get clear about what actually matters to us and decide which race is ours to run.
If you&rsquo;ve ever looked around and wondered why you&rsquo;re not further ahead, this episode is a reminder that somebody else&rsquo;s timeline is not proof that you&rsquo;re behind. Your story gets to unfold on its own time.
<hr>
In This Episode
<ul>
<li>
Why comparison feels so convincing
</li>
<li>
How social media turns someone else&rsquo;s highlight reel into your measuring stick
</li>
<li>
The cycle of noticing differences, taking inventory, and fixating on what you lack
</li>
<li>
Why comparison isn&rsquo;t always rooted in jealousy
</li>
<li>
How to hold two truths: &ldquo;I&rsquo;m happy for you, but I&rsquo;m sad for me&rdquo;
</li>
<li>
Why arbitrary timelines make normal detours feel like failures
</li>
<li>
The difference between someone&rsquo;s perceived success and their actual reality
</li>
<li>
Why your instincts about other people&rsquo;s lives can be completely wrong
</li>
<li>
How Kier learned to compare in ways that strengthen his confidence instead of destroying it
</li>
<li>
Why someone else&rsquo;s success may require sacrifices you&rsquo;re not willing to make
</li>
<li>
How to stop borrowing other people&rsquo;s definitions of success
</li>
<li>
The questions that help you define what a good life actually looks like for you
</li>
</ul>
<hr>
Key Takeaways
<ul>
<li>
Someone else winning doesn&rsquo;t mean you&rsquo;re losing. Their success and your progress are two separate things.
</li>
<li>
Social media gives you milestones without context. You rarely know what something cost someone to achieve or maintain.
</li>
<li>
Comparison becomes dangerous when you use the gap between you and someone else as evidence that something is wrong with you.
</li>
<li>
You can admire what someone has without actually wanting the life required to maintain it.
</li>
<li>
The clearer you are about what matters to you, the less tempting it becomes to measure your life against somebody else&rsquo;s.
</li>
<li>
Confidence isn&rsquo;t built by winning someone else&rsquo;s race. It starts with knowing which race is actually yours.
</li>
<li>
Instead of asking, &ldquo;Why am I so far behind?&rdquo; ask, &ldquo;Who told me I was supposed to be there by now?&rdquo;
</li>
</ul>
<hr>
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️ <a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW">Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
📚 Pre-order Kier&rsquo;s first book, It All Starts When You Do, available wherever books are sold.
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs the reminder that they&rsquo;re not behind&mdash;they&rsquo;re living their own timeline.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist Kier Gaines brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.


Edited and produced by Idea to Launch Productions

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.
 Edited and produced by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines

EP 22: Who Told You You’re Behind?

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/3293296e-925e-4ca2-9d66-b4b200eb0765/transcript