You can love your kids with everything in you and still not love being a parent all the time.

The pickups. The drop-offs. The schedules. The sleepless nights. The endless questions. The responsibility of being needed every single day. Parenthood can be one of the most meaningful parts of your life while also being exhausting, overwhelming, and completely different from what you imagined.

In this episode, Kier gets honest about his complicated relationship with fatherhood and why parents need permission to hold two truths at once: I love my children, and sometimes I don't like the job of parenting. He explores why fathers often feel guilty admitting they need something outside of their families and how easily sacrifice can quietly turn into self-erasure.

Kier also reflects on watching his own mother pour everything into being a parent while neglecting herself and how that experience shaped the father he wants to become. He breaks down the difference between being a good father and being a whole father, and shares practical ways he protects the parts of himself that existed before he became "Dad."

If you've ever felt guilty for needing a break, missed the person you were before having children, or wondered whether taking care of yourself somehow takes something away from your family, this episode is a reminder that your kids don't need you to disappear in order to prove that you love them.

In This Episode


Why loving your kids and loving parenthood aren't the same thing


The emotional complexity of admitting parenting is hard


Why fathers feel guilty for wanting time for themselves


The difference between sacrifice and self-erasure


How fatherhood can slowly become your entire identity


Why men often build their identities around work, service, and being needed


The hobbies, friendships, creativity, and dreams parents lose along the way


What Kier learned from watching his mother sacrifice everything for parenthood


The difference between being a good father and a whole father


Practical ways to reconnect with yourself outside of parenting


Why your children benefit from seeing you as a complete human being


The questions every parent should ask themselves when they feel like they're disappearing

Key Takeaways


Loving your children doesn't mean you have to love every part of parenting.


Sacrifice says, "My needs matter, but yours need to come first right now." Self-erasure says, "My needs stopped mattering when I became a parent."


Taking time for yourself isn't automatically selfish. Protecting your identity can make you a healthier parent.


Your children aren't only learning from what you do for them. They're watching what you do—or don't do for yourself.


Being a good father is about what you do. Being a whole father is about who you are.


Your entire identity doesn't have to revolve around fatherhood for you to be a good dad.

 

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

 

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

You can love your kids with everything in you and still not love being a parent all the time.
The pickups. The drop-offs. The schedules. The sleepless nights. The endless questions. The responsibility of being needed every single day. Parenthood can be one of the most meaningful parts of your life while also being exhausting, overwhelming, and completely different from what you imagined.
In this episode, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier</a> gets honest about his complicated relationship with fatherhood and why parents need permission to hold two truths at once: I love my children, and sometimes I don't like the job of parenting. He explores why fathers often feel guilty admitting they need something outside of their families and how easily sacrifice can quietly turn into self-erasure.
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier</a> also reflects on watching his own mother pour everything into being a parent while neglecting herself and how that experience shaped the father he wants to become. He breaks down the difference between being a good father and being a whole father, and shares practical ways he protects the parts of himself that existed before he became "Dad."
If you've ever felt guilty for needing a break, missed the person you were before having children, or wondered whether taking care of yourself somehow takes something away from your family, this episode is a reminder that your kids don't need you to disappear in order to prove that you love them.
<hr>
In This Episode
<ul>
<li>
Why loving your kids and loving parenthood aren't the same thing
</li>
<li>
The emotional complexity of admitting parenting is hard
</li>
<li>
Why fathers feel guilty for wanting time for themselves
</li>
<li>
The difference between sacrifice and self-erasure
</li>
<li>
How fatherhood can slowly become your entire identity
</li>
<li>
Why men often build their identities around work, service, and being needed
</li>
<li>
The hobbies, friendships, creativity, and dreams parents lose along the way
</li>
<li>
What Kier learned from watching his mother sacrifice everything for parenthood
</li>
<li>
The difference between being a good father and a whole father
</li>
<li>
Practical ways to reconnect with yourself outside of parenting
</li>
<li>
Why your children benefit from seeing you as a complete human being
</li>
<li>
The questions every parent should ask themselves when they feel like they're disappearing
</li>
</ul>
<hr>
Key Takeaways
<ul>
<li>
Loving your children doesn't mean you have to love every part of parenting.
</li>
<li>
Sacrifice says, "My needs matter, but yours need to come first right now." Self-erasure says, "My needs stopped mattering when I became a parent."
</li>
<li>
Taking time for yourself isn't automatically selfish. Protecting your identity can make you a healthier parent.
</li>
<li>
Your children aren't only learning from what you do for them. They're watching what you do&mdash;or don't do for yourself.
</li>
<li>
Being a good father is about what you do. Being a whole father is about who you are.
</li>
<li>
Your entire identity doesn't have to revolve around fatherhood for you to be a good dad.
</li>
</ul>
<hr>
&nbsp;
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnrtTG55Yrn7xCcWN-exRQzPtrGaVVFZMZVBBjS-5lVG8_50IjF45C9OH_QKQ_aem_YGOm4f0piMZh0fZmh0lvpA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
&nbsp;
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist Kier Gaines brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.


Edited and produced by Idea to Launch Productions

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.
 Edited and produced by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines

EP 21: I Love My Kids… But I Don’t Love Being a Parent

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/733ef776-41e9-4207-9e6c-b4ac00abcbcd/transcript