Sometimes the people we love are carrying more than we can see.

A new baby. A growing career. Depression. Anxiety. Burnout. The pressure of leadership. The weight of trying to hold a family together. When someone you love is struggling, your first instinct is usually to fix it but what if that's not actually what they need?

In this mailbag episode, Kier responds to questions from listeners navigating some of life's heaviest moments. From supporting a spouse through postpartum depression and decision fatigue to searching for mentorship as a Black man without a roadmap, these conversations explore what it means to show up for the people you love without losing yourself in the process.

Kier explains why leadership isn't always the answer, why support looks different than taking over, and why healing can't be forced even when your intentions are good. He also shares practical ways partners can encourage therapy, create emotional safety, and build relationships that prioritize the health of the family instead of winning individual battles.

If you've ever wondered whether you're doing enough for someone you love or whether you're carrying too much this episode offers a different way to think about support.

In This Episode


Why leadership and support are not the same thing


Decision fatigue, postpartum depression, and relationship overwhelm


How to help your partner without trying to rescue them


The biggest mistake people make when supporting someone with depression


Why gratification isn't selfish—it's information


What healthy relationship check-ins should actually sound like


How men can find guidance when they don't have mentors


Why therapy can become the mentorship many men never received


Supporting a partner who refuses therapy


The difference between noticing and diagnosing


Why people only change when they're ready


Building relationships that protect the collective instead of individual egos

Key Takeaways


Support is about reducing someone's burden—not carrying their entire life.


Leadership without understanding often creates more pressure instead of more peace.


You can't force someone to heal, but you can create an environment where healing feels safe.


Mentorship doesn't always come from one person—sometimes life, community, and therapy become your greatest teachers.


The healthiest relationships aren't built around being right. They're built around protecting the relationship itself.

 

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

 

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

Sometimes the people we love are carrying more than we can see.
A new baby. A growing career. Depression. Anxiety. Burnout. The pressure of leadership. The weight of trying to hold a family together. When someone you love is struggling, your first instinct is usually to fix it but what if that's not actually what they need?
In this mailbag episode, Kier responds to questions from listeners navigating some of life's heaviest moments. From supporting a spouse through postpartum depression and decision fatigue to searching for mentorship as a Black man without a roadmap, these conversations explore what it means to show up for the people you love without losing yourself in the process.
Kier explains why leadership isn't always the answer, why support looks different than taking over, and why healing can't be forced even when your intentions are good. He also shares practical ways partners can encourage therapy, create emotional safety, and build relationships that prioritize the health of the family instead of winning individual battles.
If you've ever wondered whether you're doing enough for someone you love or whether you're carrying too much this episode offers a different way to think about support.
<hr>
In This Episode
<ul>
<li>
Why leadership and support are not the same thing
</li>
<li>
Decision fatigue, postpartum depression, and relationship overwhelm
</li>
<li>
How to help your partner without trying to rescue them
</li>
<li>
The biggest mistake people make when supporting someone with depression
</li>
<li>
Why gratification isn't selfish&mdash;it's information
</li>
<li>
What healthy relationship check-ins should actually sound like
</li>
<li>
How men can find guidance when they don't have mentors
</li>
<li>
Why therapy can become the mentorship many men never received
</li>
<li>
Supporting a partner who refuses therapy
</li>
<li>
The difference between noticing and diagnosing
</li>
<li>
Why people only change when they're ready
</li>
<li>
Building relationships that protect the collective instead of individual egos
</li>
</ul>
<hr>
Key Takeaways
<ul>
<li>
Support is about reducing someone's burden&mdash;not carrying their entire life.
</li>
<li>
Leadership without understanding often creates more pressure instead of more peace.
</li>
<li>
You can't force someone to heal, but you can create an environment where healing feels safe.
</li>
<li>
Mentorship doesn't always come from one person&mdash;sometimes life, community, and therapy become your greatest teachers.
</li>
<li>
The healthiest relationships aren't built around being right. They're built around protecting the relationship itself.
</li>
</ul>
<hr>
&nbsp;
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnrtTG55Yrn7xCcWN-exRQzPtrGaVVFZMZVBBjS-5lVG8_50IjF45C9OH_QKQ_aem_YGOm4f0piMZh0fZmh0lvpA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
&nbsp;
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist Kier Gaines brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.


Edited and produced by Idea to Launch Productions

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.
 Edited and produced by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines

EP 19: You Can't Fix People You Love

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/4a77d70d-a94f-4228-84b8-b49e00203c10/transcript