Why is asking for help so hard, especially when you’re usually the capable one?

I recently found myself exhausted, overwhelmed and lying awake at 2:00 am trying to solve every problem in my life at once. When a friend asked a very simple question, “Why don’t you ask for help?”, my immediate response was:

I should be able to handle this.

And that got me thinking.

In this episode of Leading You, I explore why capable, strong and independent people can find it so difficult to ask for support, and what happens when being “the capable one” becomes part of our identity.

We look at the relationship between independence and control, why “it’s easier if I do it myself” can turn leaders into bottlenecks, and what we inadvertently teach our teams when we always appear to have everything under control.

In this episode, I explore:
Why capable people often wait until they’re overwhelmed before asking for help
How capability can become part of our identity
The relationship between independence and control
Why doing everything yourself can create a leadership bottleneck
Why receiving support can feel harder than giving it
What leaders model when they never ask for help
How to recognise your warning signs before you reach capacity

Perhaps being capable doesn’t mean being able to do everything alone. Maybe it means knowing yourself well enough to recognise when something is too much, trusting the people around you and being secure enough to ask for support.

Ask yourself: What would I ask for if I didn’t believe asking made me less capable?

Timestamps

00:00 Podcast Intro
00:50 Why Help Feels Hard
02:53 The Capable Identity Trap
04:20 Waiting Until Drowning
05:53 Control and Bottlenecks
08:29 Receiving and Reciprocity
09:36 Event Invitation
10:33 Leadership Ripple Effects
11:52 Redefining Capability
12:56 Catch the Signs Early
14:05 What to Ask For
16:22 Closing and Call to Action

 

Links:
Learn more about my group coaching program here
Join the Lead.Her Collective Dinner on 28th October. Reserve your seat here
Get the Clarity Compass here

 

Connect with Julie:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-hyde/
Instagram: @juliehydeleads
Website: https://juliehyde.com.au

 

Why is asking for help so hard, especially when you&rsquo;re usually the capable one?
I recently found myself exhausted, overwhelmed and lying awake at 2:00 am trying to solve every problem in my life at once. When a friend asked a very simple question,&nbsp;&ldquo;Why don&rsquo;t you ask for help?&rdquo;, my immediate response was:
I should be able to handle this.
And that got me thinking.
In this episode of&nbsp;Leading You, I explore why capable, strong and independent people can find it so difficult to ask for support, and what happens when being &ldquo;the capable one&rdquo; becomes part of our identity.
We look at the relationship between independence and control, why&nbsp;&ldquo;it&rsquo;s easier if I do it myself&rdquo;&nbsp;can turn leaders into bottlenecks, and what we inadvertently teach our teams when we always appear to have everything under control.
In this episode, I explore:
<ul>
<li>Why capable people often wait until they&rsquo;re overwhelmed before asking for help</li>
<li>How capability can become part of our identity</li>
<li>The relationship between independence and control</li>
<li>Why doing everything yourself can create a leadership bottleneck</li>
<li>Why receiving support can feel harder than giving it</li>
<li>What leaders model when they never ask for help</li>
<li>How to recognise your warning signs before you reach capacity</li>
</ul>
Perhaps being capable doesn&rsquo;t mean being able to do everything alone. Maybe it means knowing yourself well enough to recognise when something is too much, trusting the people around you and being secure enough to ask for support.
Ask yourself: What would I ask for if I didn&rsquo;t believe asking made me less capable?
Timestamps
00:00 Podcast Intro 00:50 Why Help Feels Hard 02:53 The Capable Identity Trap 04:20 Waiting Until Drowning 05:53 Control and Bottlenecks 08:29 Receiving and Reciprocity 09:36 Event Invitation 10:33 Leadership Ripple Effects 11:52 Redefining Capability 12:56 Catch the Signs Early 14:05 What to Ask For 16:22 Closing and Call to Action
&nbsp;
Links: Learn more about my&nbsp;group coaching program&nbsp;<a href="https://juliehyde.com.au/leadher-mastermind" data-href="https://juliehyde.com.au/leadher-mastermind">here</a> Join the Lead.Her Collective Dinner on 28th October. Reserve your seat <a href="https://juliehyde.com.au/leadher">here</a> Get the&nbsp;Clarity Compass&nbsp;<a href="https://programs.juliehyde.com.au/programs/claritycompass/" data-href="https://programs.juliehyde.com.au/programs/claritycompass/">here</a>
&nbsp;
Connect with Julie: LinkedIn:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-hyde/">https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-hyde/</a> Instagram:<a href="https://www.instagram.com/juliehydeleads/">&nbsp;@juliehydeleads</a> Website:&nbsp;<a href="https://juliehyde.com.au">https://juliehyde.com.au</a>
&nbsp;

Want to know the secret to confident and successful leadership?

Every week, Leading You showcases leadership of all kinds and you get the scoop on how to be an effective, modern leader who makes an impact.

There’s one thing we all have in common. We’re all leaders. First and foremost, you’re a leader of you. You don’t need a title to be a leader. Leadership is a mindset which anyone can adopt to create influence. The more leaders the world has, the better it will be.

I'll let you into something I know to be true - You can’t be a leader of others unless you’re a leader of self first. So if you want to have impact that leads to prosperity and happiness, it all starts with you. With your mindset and personal leadership toolbox, which Leading You will help you build up.

Leading you is hosted by Julie Hyde, an entrepreneur, corporate drop out and passionate leader. Julie knows one thing: you can’t control what happens to you but you can control how you respond. It’s why Leading You is important.

Each week, guests share their secret sauce. They reveal their roadmaps to success. How they’ve stayed anchored to who they are, insights into their courage and resilience and how to be emotionally and behaviourally agile. It’s a conversation, not an interrogation, and you’ll hear the human side of household names.

Want to know the secret to confident and successful leadership?
Every week, Leading You showcases leadership of all kinds and you get the scoop on how to be an effective, modern leader who makes an impact.
There’s one thing we all have in common. We’re all leaders. First and foremost, you’re a leader of you. You don’t need a title to be a leader. Leadership is a mindset which anyone can adopt to create influence. The more leaders the world has, the better it will be.
I'll let you into something I know to be true - You can’t be a leader of others unless you’re a leader of self first. So if you want to have impact that leads to prosperity and happiness, it all starts with you. With your mindset and personal leadership toolbox, which Leading You will help you build up.
Leading you is hosted by Julie Hyde, an entrepreneur, corporate drop out and passionate leader. Julie knows one thing: you can’t control what happens to you but you can control how you respond. It’s why Leading You is important.
Each week, guests share their secret sauce. They reveal their roadmaps to success. How they’ve stayed anchored to who they are, insights into their courage and resilience and how to be emotionally and behaviourally agile. It’s a conversation, not an interrogation, and you’ll hear the human side of household names.

A Podcast dedicated to business owners and leaders to inspire you to make it count

Leading You

Want to know the secret to confident and successful leadership?
Every week, Leading You showcases leadership of all kinds and you get the scoop on how to be an effective, modern leader who makes an impact.
There’s one thing we all have in common. We’re all leaders. First and foremost, you’re a leader of you. You don’t need a title to be a leader. Leadership is a mindset which anyone can adopt to create influence. The more leaders the world has, the better it will be.
I'll let you into something I know to be true - You can’t be a leader of others unless you’re a leader of self first. So if you want to have impact that leads to prosperity and happiness, it all starts with you. With your mindset and personal leadership toolbox, which Leading You will help you build up.
Leading you is hosted by Julie Hyde, an entrepreneur, corporate drop out and passionate leader. Julie knows one thing: you can’t control what happens to you but you can control how you respond. It’s why Leading You is important.
Each week, guests share their secret sauce. They reveal their roadmaps to success. How they’ve stayed anchored to who they are, insights into their courage and resilience and how to be emotionally and behaviourally agile. It’s a conversation, not an interrogation, and you’ll hear the human side of household names.