Recorded live in Brooklyn, 50 of New York's best comedians take one minute each to go off on culture. Part One featuring: Sasheer Zamata, Jo Firestone, Aparna Nanchera, Cole Escola, Sudi Green, Anna Drezen, Matteo Lane, Alex Song, Aaron Jackson, Sam Taggart, Blair Socci, Christi Chiello, Catherine Cohen, Becky Chicoine, Alex English, Nicole Conlan, Jon Wan, Rachel Joravsky, Kelley Quinn, Peter Smith, Chris Burns, Amy Jo Jackson, Ryan Leach, Brian Faas, and Carly Ann Filbin. The Las Culturistas Icon Award Recipient: Pat Regan.
Recorded 3/21/17 at Littlefield in Brooklyn, NY.
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Hey, everybody. Today's show is brought to you by Casper dot com. Received fifty dollars towards any mattress purchase at www dot Casper Trial dot com. Forward slash Lost Culture Restas and by Warby Parker dot com. Get a free five day home try on at www dot Warby Parker Trial dot com. Forward slash Lost Culture Restas five pairs, five days, one hundred percent free. Lost Culture Restas is brought to you by the Forever Dog podcast Network. Be sure to check out more original comedy podcasts at forever Dog podcast dot com. All right, enjoy the show. Come on, my grandma and your grandma listening back the fun my grandma to your grandma. I'm gonna say funny. It's helping about I like, go on date Jagomofin. I'm not jagomofin. Ay. Yeah, dame. Do you guys so much for being here. Let's get it started. We're gonna go to the vag My name is Bowen Yang. You know what my name is, Matt Rogers. We are the hosts of Lost Culture Restas, a podcast that is one prolonged catchphrase um tempered with like gasps and squeals. Yes, definitely, and you guys, thank you so much for coming. This is beyond our wildest dreams. Hear, and thank you Little Field, Thank you Forever Dog for producing this event. This is fucking crazy. Thank you Blender Skittles for sponsoring us. I had one demand, um it was regular skittles. They gave me this as sordid pine. What's who actually into the podcast? Who's seeing our fucking faces for the very first time? Okay, more of you? I love it. What do you think? I'm just kidding? No, don't qualify that. Um, let's just go through some of these flavors and Blenders Skittles, because I'm not clear on what the concept is here. Lime blast, watermelon, green apple freeze. Oh, strawberry lime blast. That sounds oh sure, sure sure these are like these are like things like a board mother, and Tampa is like throwing into a blinder pressing very much great. You know, speaking of Tampa, I just got back and let me tell you what a town town. I mean, Tampa. The culture there is umpire, just as you'd imagine of the podcast. Well, I want to tell you the big institution of Tampa is Bush Gardens. Tampa, and I didn't go which a refrigerator magnet with a tiger on it? Is that what you get when you go to the impart? I know when you go to Busch Gardens, there's everyone has that refrigerator magnet with a tiger on it that says Bush Gardens. Oh man, I want one of those. But I actually I can't believe I was in Florida without going to Orlando. So listen, listeners of the podcast will know that I fucking love Orlando. And did you know there's gonna be Avatar World in Disney. It's opening next month because everyone loves Avatar and everyone remembers the characters. All your favorite characters will be there, like the Blue Guy and the Blue Girl and Blue Sigourney Weaver. I think who became a tree at the end? Is that what happened? Also, Jimmy Fallon is a ride Universal Studios, So we can all ride Jimmy Fallon if that's what you want. Seventh grade meant to fully right, Um you guys? Okay, So what's what we're doing tonight is a night of fifty I don't think so honey. I don't think so honey. Is our segment on the podcast where we each take one minute to rant about something that is bothering us in culture. Something it's grinding our grinding our gears, really taking at our attack, taking our attacks, really getting at us. It's making us our skin raw. You know I would have been some famous. I don't think so. Honey, we'll go through. We'll go through some tonight. Yes we will. Um. Now we have fifty unbelievable comedians that are here that are going to be going for it. Yeah. I hear some loose and some whistles for sure. Wait, can I say something, It's been a little while without an episode. We've been on a hiatus. You could say, big little lies. Who is watching? I have been so piste off that we haven't had an episode because all I want to talk about is big little lies. I haven't arguing argument with my friend Dave, Who's Reese. I'm Race. Do you want to be re interpret that however you want? I'm Race. I want to be I full on want to be Laura Dern in that she she has this like pine sized wine glass for the fans, for the fans of the pod she got for the fans of the show. She can she has a million phones, she can just toss in a pool. Yeah, oh my god. And then Shelene Woodley threw her phone in the last episode was throwing their phones and moderate she threw her phone off a cliff. By the way, speaking of Shade len um, what a fucking snooze? No, she is who cares? This is not going to be the anti Salne Woodley club. My god. I was not gagged for Slene when it started because I think she just looks too young to play that part. Right, I feel like Wendy fucking Williams right co hosts um no, but I think she looks too young for the part. But then she was. She's been a gaging me in the last couple episodes. She's she's not like fully accessing a different character, like she's giving me too much of her real Shaley would because she's grounded. Because that's because this character whatever her name is, like her name is you just know she's you know, she's a Bernie bro hashtag no d ap l like she is that person in real life. And oh my god, anyway, why not right b l l M. How about the whole is death? No one cares that beauty in the beast. Can I tell you, I haven't seen it yet, but I heard the last shot is Audrey McDonald, just like so that's how you know that there was a gay director, Bill Condon, Bill Condon, director of Dreamgirls. It was fun, it was fun. Um. Um, let's wait what else? Um? Oh, breaking culture news. Penelope Cruz is gonna play Donna Tella Versacchi an American crime story, the murder of Johnny Versaci. Can you I don't feel like I have no need feel ab right, that's it. I have hope. I have hope for are you kidding me? Yeah? Loving feud. I'm loving people versus O J Man. I think Ryan's really just just batten Batten. That will be bad. Where my straits one hit out of ten? Would you know you're not helping the team ten? Let's just let's just move on with the show's lamb Um. We have on an amazing just guests before we start the night's proceedings. Okay, yeah, so I guess you guys didn't know this, but I don't think so, honey. The segment that this whole show was built around, Um, it has a national anthem. Yeah, it's and it's having its debut right here tonight and before before we hear this a list celebrity guest debut the inaugural performance of I Don't Think So Honey that we just want to bring her out and talk to her. We love her so much. Now, let's let's rest list the credits, the credit. Guys, you loved her, she was. She's an Academy Award nominated actress. But the kids, all right, yes, American American beauty. I will sell this house today, Yes, I will sell this house today. She was in the Grifters. I think she was in the Grifters. She was married to Warren Beatty. And guys, she was just recently snubbed for her amazing turn in twentieth century Women. Yes, give it up for twentieth century women. Now, everyone please welcome to the stage. Annette Benning Benning, Oh god, yes that one. Ant na. Thank you, Oh my god, honor, thank you, oh yes, Annette, thank you, thank you, Nat, thank you for being here, and you know what, thank you for being here to sing the national anthem I don't Think so money. Despite not being a singer, yeah, oh yeah, I'm not a really I don't sing really in public? No, yeah, no, um, but this is really a kind of encouraging seeing all of you here. I mean you've really created kind of an amazing sort of movement, right yeah, yeah, definitely, especially kind of you know now with what with what's going on next? What's going right? Yeah? What are your thoughts about what's going yea, I mean, well I think all of us here are kind of airing grievances, Yeah, anything specifically you want to touch on with the current events or but there's just right, so much good to see you so much, so much. I have my my gum. This is kind of I was thinking, right, this is sort of an audio experience right right, It's kind of why I'm sort of just wrapped. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you look good for making you work, because let's take it. We'll take it. So to hear where I was warring after the mistake at the oh, well that you know, stuff goes on and then we you know, we power through. Right. We're used to this kind of you know, as in show business, right, stuffing down so right, right, especially with like what's going on with what's going on? Yeah, there's a lot right happening. Yeah. I don't think it was warrant, I mean it was it wasn't Warrants fault because the only shitty thing that Warrant did was pass it off to Faye when he couldn't when he just couldn't make make sense of what was going on. So what are you throwing under? I'm saying, I'm throwing Warren at the best kind of boys club guys. We could we could get into what's going on right now, we can really get into it. But I think it's time on it to perform the I don't think so honey anthem. Now. I can't wait to hear your interpretation. This is gonna be amazing. If you are so moved, please rise for the national anthem anthem. I see you over there sitting, as I said, when you feel there are things in this world that you hate, when you feel there are things you don't like, when you need to speak out and you need to shout and you must say what for you like. I don't think so honey, I don't think so child, I don't think so bitch. I don't think so honey, I don't think so shout. I don't think so big inning. There's one more thing and Nett wants to do. Oh my gosh, I'm a stone at the Oscars. Wow, thank you a nats, Thank you a gnat. That was. Can I tell you something, I won't have it. I won't have this ant I am a stone? Bullshit? Come on, I love her. We went to go see Twenty Century Women together. You were gagged for filth. It was amazing. And that was amazing. And look, I mean that was a Shenad O'Connor moment there. I loved. It was the truth. That was the truth, that was cultured. Listen, let's get started, you guys ready for I don't think so Anny live all right, you guys. Here's how it's gonna play out. We got fifty comedians that are gonna come out and rail against culture for sixty seconds each. Now they have an option here. It's tonight though. They can either do they're prepared. I don't think so, honey, Which they've prepared a topic to rail against, or we've carved a bowl and in the bowl are fifty random cultural topics that they do not know. They don't know what's in here, and they're gonna stand at that mic and if they want, we will read one of these allowed and they must rail against it no matter what it is for sixty, no matter if it's the best thing in the world the worst, I don't care. And so another thing we should mention um in the lieu of a timer, because just we just have to mention numerals flashing on a screen distresses everybody out right. So we're not gonna have that, and say we're gonna time from the table, and then we're gonna hold these paddles up as the as the clock they get paddled, and if they go over, they're gonna get water guns. They're getting water guns. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're the star of Saturday Night Live. I don't care if you're a New York Times best selling author. If you can't touch my hair, I don't care. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're our personal idol CoA Scola. You can't you cannot go. You will get sprayed. And here are the paddles. You've got thirty seconds left, five and that's one minute, okay, you guys, you guys, all right, So very quickly we're gonna example. We're gonna do an example of it. I don't think so, honey, all right, should I go first. I'm going to the mic. Great and just out of your periphery. Just just check out the time A right, and also you know we have our cowbell there. Okay, I'm ready. This is Matt Rodgers. I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Seafood restaurants who don't give you the right tools to crack open your crab. I went down to Tampa Bay and I went to a crab stock and you think a coastal place is gonna do the right thing. I have cuts on my some because they didn't give me a sheller. Honey, I don't think so, honey. If you give me just a lobster cracker, that is not that is not gonna work for crab. That's why they call it a lobster cracker. You didn't give me a sheller. You need to give me a sharper knife. And then when I asked, don't give me a face like you've been asked a thousand times. The reason you've been asked because we are gagged because we don't have the tools. A king crab has a spiky show, but it also has the most succulent and salty meat. How do I know? I work at Brooklyn Crab and Redhote seconds don't have the face like one. And go on over where and go on to snow. You can go over to Redhilk. You get a king crab a pounded a quarter for forty nine, so I know exactly how to crack open the crab. I don't think, so honey. See the restaurants together. Wow, that was amazing. It feels good. It's very freeing. Um all right, So now to demonstrate what it's like to be put on the spot, bow and fucking Yang. Here we go, bitch, Here we go, Bow and Yang. I'm choosing a thing. Here we go. I don't know bowen Yang, You're I don't think, so, honey, is about Sarah Paulson. It starts now. I don't think so honey. Sarah Paulson. You might be an amazing actress and you might have been the best part of Carol, but I don't think so honey. You're taking these long breaks in between projects. I want to see you all, but dude, not Dane. Every project I want you not made for an oscar every year for best Supporting Actress, And then someday honey. I want to be able to look at it at a reel of your work and in memorium of your work, but with with things that I wish I had seen more of. I don't want to look at her in memorium and think I wish you didn't you have done more, Sarah, Sarah, I wish you had taken up that role in the next Star Wars movie. Sarah, I wish you. I wish you would be done that appearance, and just hypothetically, I wish you had done an appearance on Comedy Bang Bang. I don't e Sara Paulson. I love you so much. I am just I don't think the wanting you for your own good. I don't think so, honey, Sarah Paulson, you are one of our most visionary actresses all our generation. You have to have to give us material to gag us. I don't think so, honey. That was a very positive I don't think so, honey. What do you say we get started here with our first group. Oh also, guys, right before we start, we have a raffle tonight. We have proceeds going to trans Lifeline Organization UM dollar each a raffle. Please please please and go shwarts that hat. You're be a real crusaditya. You're excited. Um, trans Lifeline is great. Okay, here we go, guys, it's our first group. Everyone give it up for Sue de green Backi's your God, Alex English shlaire, sucking rusty jella Wow. All right, okay, here we go. Sutty Green, approach the mic. Fist bitch, fist bitch. Okay, Suti Green, do you go pre selected or you want the bowl selected? Bit? Your time starts now, I don't think so. Henny. Women with three bags on the subway, yes, okay, your freaking purse. Okay, you got a tiny Lulu lemon bag for your lunch. What the fund is in that third bag? Okay, it's your gym clothes, it's your fucking laptop bag. First flap, bitch, Get a job with a fucking desktop computer. Okay, ye, off the park slop, stop up the Carol garden. Stop hollyoo working moms. Whuch you look ratchet. Okay, get a first Get a fucking toe bag. I'm trying to yet. Stop shaming me with my backpack, bitch, get a backpack. You know I have wings in my bag you know I have a laptop in my bag. I'm working comedian. I haven't concise sucking cute gass backpack bitch podka okay, and I I'm not giving you my ce bitch because you look a mess. Wait, sticking going, keep going, keep going. I guess I want to do that. Bitch. That's get up, bakis con to the mike, pre selected, the pre selected, Your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Feeling bad for Melania Trump? Okay, honey, okay, why always feeling bad? Are you think she's trapped? This bitch can speak four to six languages and she's gonna end going Okay, anytime, honey again, anytime listen to us. When Donna last her outright, she said no because she went home and this bitch did her research, right, Okay. She's like, he's got a lot of money. I'm gonna marry him. She marries him for his money, he marries her for her looks. It's a tango, honey, she's doing honey right, Okay? And do you think his idea? I do not think so, honey, I I do not think so on that. Okay, you know what? Anytime she speaks in public. You know she's reiterating Donald's Trump's Donald Donald's point and says no new information. Okay, she does not care about your cause, honey, she does not care. And let me tell you what if she do you think she doesn't need money? She could sell her two million dollar wedding ring or two hundred dollar wedding dress. Okay, you know that's alex at lash. Here we go, pre selected or the bowl. Here we go. Bit your time shuts now, all right, I don't think so, asking me are you finding everything? Okay, well, I'm shopping in this store. I don't think the honey. I don't think the honey, because chances are when I tell you, oh, I need these in the size nine, You're gonna come back with a box but say, oh, we only have these in twelve. Oh bitch, I don't think so. Ha ha oh, honey, I don't think so, because I'm gonna look you dead in your fashion. I'm gonna be like, well, I asked for a nine, you fucking terrorists that as Oh. I don't think so, honey. What what happened back there while you was looking for them goddamn shoes? Was you back there when just like, well, he said a nine. But I wonder why I was back here. Maybe his feet grew magically, Maybe maybe he has Negro magical powers. Maybe. Oh, I don't think so, honey. You only asking me if I if I was looking for something because I'm black. Oh, I don't think so, honey, like saying lash, here we go, blast suckers. What the hell are all these models taking over the Food Net? Was? I don't think so, honey. All these bitches are swarming in taking ship over by sitch. No, no, fucking all these all these models has that food my hot life. Food is my passion. Now, I don't think so, honey. All these O G shifts are just dying off for love of the game. Just they're eating, They're getting heart disease, just trying to do their jobs. These bitches, they have no qualification, just coming in, just taking all our jaws. I don't think so, honey. Five seconds. I've never want to see another model on the Food Network. Don't think so. Everyone good, you're fucking line. That's Christy Chilla. I'm coming in the fucking ball. Oh my god, she's going on the ball. What is it? What is it? New Patrick's Oh my god, Neil Patrick Harris's fucking kid, go go go. I don't it's so money. Patrick Harris's fucking kids. Nobody gives the fuck You're fucking kids. I don't even know their fucking names. I don't think so, honey. One of those names. Harder too soon. I dropped it too soon. Your back, Harris's kids. I don't think so, honey, Like, why are you gonna have kids? I'm stupid. I don't think so, honey. Kids are so stupid. I think. I don't think no, I I don't think so, honey. They dress up for Halloween and kill Conston to put into Instagram. Shut the funk up. I can't even I gotta go Christy to Night to Night for the phone minute. Wow, that's one minute. Everyone killing up for these motherfuckers. Oh my god, Sudograd, Becky, you're going out singles Blair Sucky and Christie Chellow. Let's bring up our next five. Here we go, give up for Catherine Cohen, the cole Gotlin shares a maiden and a dressing and the Queen herself Matteo lame um. I just want to point a order, point of order or whatever. I don't have point of order is correct. No one's worn the hat so far. Oh my god, put the hat on. Help put the hound on, guys. It really just here we go. Catherine Cohen approach to the mic pretty selected, or for a girl, Catherine Cohen, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Women's clothing sizes, no bitch. I'm a medium adult Navy and a fourteen at top Shop doesn't cover my nips. I don't think so, honey. Okay, no bitch. I go into Tzara to buy an embroidered bomber jacket because I'm fucking modern. They say, we don't make this in a large. I don't think, to honey. They say, we just go up to a medium. I don't think so, honey. I go to urban. They say, we don't carry thirty two in story usually. I don't think, so honey. I go to urban. They do, they do? They do extra small, not extra large. I don't think so. Okay. I am not the biggest woman in the world, but I'm the biggest size in all the stars. No bitch. To make more sizes, some more people buy your clothes. It's called capitalism, bitch. I don't think so honey, I don't think so. I don't think so, honey. And also American apparel by bitch, I don't think so, honey. Everybody God pre selected, preted, preselected. Here we go in to cool column that hat your time starts, and now I don't think so, honey. Artisanal catchup. You guys all know exactly what I mean. You have the goal to think that you can improve upon a condiment so universally beloved that pre eminent writer Malcolm glad Well devoted a six thousand word essay to how it is fundamental to the nature of the American public, writing that catchup pushes all our primal buttons and runs the sensory spectrum serten, which triggers pleasure centers for sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and the ever hard to capture mommy. Artisanal catchup combines all the pretentiousness of homebrewing your own beer with the disgusting taste of homebrewing your own beer, and when you get down to it, our artisanal catchups even catch up, I don't think so, honey. No matter what direction you go with it, you're immediately veering into side for Marinara territory. So the next time a waiter tells you to try to sell you an idea of artisanal ketchup, I beg of you. That's all. Wow, everyone welcomes the selected, pre selected. Okay, here we go. Your time starts now. I don't think so Frisky's cat food. I've had it with you. I was watching what I thought was a normal AST commercial and it got to the end and the slogan is Frisky's for Cats by cats. I don't think so, honey, ha ha. I find it very hard to believe that no one at Frisky's has heard of Fu Boo. No one. And if you don't know what Foo Boo is, it's a clothing line for us, by us, for black people, by black people, because the clothing industry would not allow black people to be successful in that field. So Frisky's took that, gave a tech cats. That's another level of cultural appropriation. I don't think so Frinskys. I'm going not only did they take it away, they gave it the cast. Also, I don't believe you cats are not making this food if it's by Canada. Wow. And now, and addressing Parissa Letton, are we going in the ball balls? Your topic? You must here we go? What is it? Oh my god, what is it? I've been targeted by the ball. I don't think so, Honey, sex, I don't think so. On it sex, right, why don't you doing? You have a job, you're a parent to love you, you pay taxes. What are you doing with your body? You're putting? What where? What are you talking at the house? Oh my god, I'm gonna get my sheets dirty for what for? What for? What? You don't work at a startup? You work with your friends? Oh no, I don't think so. Any waking up in bushwakeft bed or ruining my comforter from amazon dot com ten seconds? Orgasms are stupid? Coming is for loser? Amazing guys giving up for the queen herself my toil and talk to us, bitch the ball or pre selected, pre selected? We got right now? I don't think so. Lindsay Lohan, I don't think so. You are not gonna be the Little Mermaid live on Broadway? What are you talking about, Lindsay Lohan? She is campaigning herself on Instagram right now, like me the Little Mermaid? Nah? What's had the past three years? You lost a finger, your face got blowed and you sound like the devil. That's what's happened to you. The Little Mermaid. She can't sound like you are a messy white woman. And that's the only reason why she was successful, because gays love messy white women. Listen, white women. If you're drunk and you're out of the bar, all of a sudden, gay men come up and they're like, oh my god, Okay, yeah, it is a bad sign. Time to go home. You are the real housewife of that bar for those gays that night. You are mess fingerless slut. I hate you, all right, that's one minute going to coming on. I dress it in my tail lane. Wow, bitch. I hope that you're sitting down at this moment because I'm a bet to give you something. It's a little bit of an offer. You're gonna want to take advantage of this. Okay for you the listeners of Lost Culture, rasis and thank you so much for listening. Casper is offering fifty hours towards any mattress purchase at Casper dot com. You've got to take advantage of this. Yes, the Casper mattress is an obsessively engineered mattress bitch at a shockingly fair price. Okay, it's got the right sink, it's got the right bounds because it's made up of two technologies, it's latex foam and memory foam, and they come together for it's amazing sleep. Recently, my boyfriend and Henry and I we were looking for a new apartment and we needed to stay with some ends. So our one friend Patrick let us stay with him. And he said, I have a Casper mattress. And I had heard about Casper mattress, but I had never slept on one. Let me tell you, I'm not even joking. This was. I was out when I laid down. I couldn't wait to be laying in the bed. You got your life. You could wait to be laying in the bag. I got my life. This was It's really the best mattress I've had. We talked about it and Patrick was like, this is a status symbol. Honey, I had a Casper mattress. He was like, do you want to stay at my apartment? I have a Casper mattress. So now it's now the most awarded mattress of the decade. You give it the Oscar rightfully, so, so I don't know what you're waiting for you gotta get one. So this is an offer for fifty dollars off any mattress purchase. You gotta go to Casper Trial dot com. Forward slash last Culture restas again one more time. Write it down, bitch, don't let it pass you by www dot Casper Trial dot com forward slash Lost Culture Restas for fifty hours towards any maddress purchase. I mean, that's like, you gotta do it, you gotta. You're stupid to not do it. You're stupid not to at least look into it. And here's what else you should look into. Warby Parker glasses money. You gotta put these on your face. Take it from me, honey. I've got a pair of Warbies at home and I love them so much. We're sponsored by Warby Parker. Warby Parkers offering Lost Culture stas listeners with a free five day home try on to give you the opportunity to check out their glasses. It's just such a good deal, such a good deal. 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Give it up for John One, John One, John wa he's a little sean giving up for Rachel. There's John One. Come on, John, it's Rachel Darovski. Chel Sorry, come on, give it up for Alex song Yo, give it up for Kelly Quinn and left, but not at least give it up for Chris Burns. John One, it is time, but that happen, Yes, get it find your look there you go. Are we going Part selected or the bowl? John wants? I don't think so, honey, time start. It's now. Weak ass small dog owners who treat their small dogs like human I don't think so, honey. Do not walk down the street with your yappy ass, ratty ass dog and he's pulling you on the leash and you have the audacity to slip out of your snake tongue wallass, what's going on? Don't ask it a question. It's not a human. It is a dog, and you treat it like a dog because you're a dog owner, not a dog friend. You're bad that. And then you have the audacity to look at me with my noble eighty pound greyhound was walking like a fucking king. If that dog was yapping in your face, you would take up the range and inject it. And that is a dog double standard. I don't think so ugly, I don't fucking think so. Come on, a friend, you'll start going on right now on Tinder and start swiping bitch by. That's one met up for John one on Miss Rachel Robski that stop stop stepping the name of love to the mic. Step in the name of love to the mic. Now are we going presides? Are we going bowl? What was that? Are we going pre selected? Or are we going to can in Preparato's fun? All right, listen to your time starts right now. I don't think so. People who play their music out loud on the train. This this is business is this is not your house, because if it was, I would have removed my shoes and thank your mom for having me. Okay, I really need you not to play DJ right now because I'm trying to have a sad midnight commute home a k A B and my feelings and listen to Frank Ocean's Blond and read Sophie's Choice at the same damn. Okay, how am I supposed to processes it? Thir Day's anti semitism When you're out here landflow right is my house from your personalized speakure, bitch, what hey, you're gonna bring your speaker outside of the house, he will definitely get water damage and or we dropped, so hell no, we won't go leave that in the crib. Inclusion, Please do try to turn this one train into your personal situation. If you're trying to turn up, then listen to your headphones that you stole from your roommate and are definitely Apple. You are in an out of lives right under raft Wow, Please welcome Alex Song to the mike predetermined or I still don't know what that means. So are you gonna did you come prepared with one? Or do you want to pick a m I do have one? But let's go, bull, let's go. All right, here we go. I will read it to face the audience. Okay, while I face them? Can I tell you what it would have been? I don't think so, Mark Ruffal, I won't hear that in Sam Alex Well, do you want better? Do you want better? I don't think so, Honey, Olivia Newton John? Right now, I don't think so. Olivia Newton John, You're gonna come on goody two shoes and then just change? Is that? What? Bull? Is this that I get scorted if I don't. John Travolta, come on, he's not gonna fuck you, you man. Fernia did she sing let's get physical? Yes, all right, welcome on, let's get this. Come on. I really hate Mark Revelo. That is not on the rule. Keep going five seconds, five seconds, five seconds. Alex Song broke every rule. That's one minute. I mean, come on, I don't think song. I don't think so. Cali Quinn Kelly, talk to me, baby, thank you. I did come prepared. I'm an oldest child. Yeah, Kelly Quinn, your time begins now. Okay, thank you. I don't think so Ernest Hemingway. No, no, no, I don't think so. Will come to me with your sparse ass, boring ass pros. No, thank you, no, thank you. I cannot take a ship in Brooklyn without making eye contact with three men who are obsessed with Ernest Hemingway. I will not accept it. I don't like it. I don't think soon Earns Hemingway. People say, oh, he's a minimalist. Right read between the lines. What lines? Give me lines to read between? Bitch? Please? Thank you learning so Ernest Hemingway. When I read I want to take a vacation. Okay, I want to be transported. When I read Earnest Hemingway, it's chorday, bitch, and I don't own a broom. Thank you. I don't think so is Hemingway. The English languages a rich tappist, and your novels are threadbare. If I did a word cloud of the sun also rises, it would be wine, ambulance, bread spain. Seconds. Don't think so, thank Someway. I don't care for your post. Thank you. You're killing Max up Is Chris Ross work, that hot work that hat pre selected or the boy Chris Parers. I don't think so many time struts now, I don't think so, honey. Being in people's weddings is literally fucking trash. Yes, I'm so happy for you that you're deciding to get married, and yes I'm happy for me that I'm the only gay person in your wedding, because I fucking love attention. But what I don't love is getting fucking Benmo requested every goddamn three days for two hundred motherfucking dollars. Bitch, No bitch, I do not want to buy you and engraved anything, And you do not want to sit on a beach in New Jersey and fucking fucking seashells that are made up glass and cigarette butts. And no, bitch, I don't want to drink out of dick shaped novelty glass I'm saying about whatever poorous bride's maid just left the room. I don't give a ship, bitch, And do not get me started on that fucking bridal shower, as if I'm not a big enough asshold having just paid two hundred dollars for her motherfucking Mimosa's how in and a goddamn omelet station. I was supposed to sit here with a fucking thumb up my ass and watch you rake in half of Williamsanoma and most of fucking bed Math. Then beyond, get the bitch, get in your wedding. Yes, bitch, of course I will, but I don't think i'll like it. Bit's tam it up for this grap unbelievable, unbelievable, John Juan, Rachel Geroski, Alison Kelly Quinn and Chris Burns and now please welcome this motherfucker's It's Aaron Jackson and his amazing sister Amy Joe Jackson and their amazing sister Ryan Leitch and the amazing sister Brian Foss and the iconic call a Skull. Come on, betch, come on, come on, come on, Aaron Jackson, Please take the boat, Mike, Aaron pre selected Aaron Jackson. I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey, Nick Jonahs. If I have to have another twink shove down my throat by the Disney corporate machine, I'm gonna game. I don't think so, honey. You have no talent. I watched in the twenty fifth Lea Mezzer Rob Anniversary and your face was screwed up like a pug. You can't sing, girl, name a song, none of you can. I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey, you can't act. I turned off screen, queen you okay? Great? And also okay, we all we like him because of his body, right, He's not that hot. ABS don't make you hot. If what if any of you took Goofy's big dump dick up your ass once a year and Disney paid for your personal trainer, you would have apps. I don't think so, honey. I don't think so. If we all stopped eating, we could get ABS. Okay, I don't think say I think so. I think it is your trash. That's the one minute. If you took Goofy's big take, big dump dick once a year, it's Amy Joe Jackson, you pre select, I'm pre select. Here we go right now, all right, I don't think so, honey. Wicked the musical, How have you been running? For thirteen fucking years? Gregor McGuire wrote this rich, complex, beautiful political novel, and Stephen Schwartz shirted into some slick overduced commercialized pop clap trap. I haven't and I don't think so, honey. Dare you purport that your show is about this rich relationship between these two strong women when all you do is pit them against one another over a man for two thirds of your supript I don't think so long a second the novel. You didn't have to do it that way, but you did it that way because it was easier. And that's why I keep preteens in their parents spending money. Or you're goddamn Joe. I don't think so, Ony, I'm fierro. No, thank you, I am sorry. Dance Think Your Wife is the most boring song I've ever fucking us. He has always played by some straight white guy who thinks he's God's gift to musical theater because he looks good and tight pants and has a nice bul every catch director in town. What's the funking by Honey? Big a Twain doesn't last? Forever? Club drap trap, riot, Yes, yes, put it on preselected or the I'm gonna do preselected. Here we go, your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Conservative politicians in the South who aren't even from the South. I don't think so. I had to grow up as a little fagon in rural Virginia my whole to eighteen years and here in ken Cucinelli say that gay people are unnatural. And then I find out he's from Edison, New Jersey. So honey, no, no, no, no, I want to see you go all the way back to Edison, New Jersey and say that to their faces. Not down here. It's already bad enough down in the South that we have bad schools and high rates of obesity and a lack of healthcare. And then you gotta come all the way down here because you couldn't fly your Confederate flag in Pennsylvania or Vermont or Maine. No, no decade. So honey, no, I'm looking at you. Ted Cruise born in Alberta. I don't want you down here in Texas. We've got our own problems down here with crazies in our own state legislation. Brian Witch, Amazing, Here we go, it's daddy, Brian Foss. I'm gonna do selected selected. Here we go. Brian Foster, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The easter bunny, what the fuck are you Honestly, it's like your tacky, you're creepy, and you look like something Donny Darko threw up. And then just one I don't think so, honey, Bunny. Honestly, it's like, okay, so the Easter Bunny comes into your house, goes in your kid's room, ships out chocolate bunnies and it's not even good chocolate. It's mass Brothers chocolate. I don't think so honey, and the Easter Bunny don't even have a personality. It's like, are you funny? Can you even talk? Are you from like an alien planet? The only good thing we can say about the Easter Bunny is that everyone knows who you are, which is shady as I don't think Sonny. And furthermore, the Easter Bunny ruined my childhood. Gay little four year old Brian could believe in Santa, could believe in the Tooth Fairy, which is Lepricauns, but the Easter Bunny made my world crumble down because it's like, you were so unfucking believable fakes ship. I don't think so, I got real, got real, Brian Foss And now please welcome call, Let's go out of the Mike, come on, motherfucking talk to us. He's talking, and that's how you know. That's how you know. And switch here time starts. Now. My mom wants to have a relationship with me. I don't think so, honey. M hmmm. When I want to hear from some drunk bitch begging my forgiveness, I will wait till Brandy's next hit and run or or or or I will submit a riding packet to fallon. Okay, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. I spent my whole life wondering what I had to do to get you to love me. Turns out the answer was leave and wait for it. To think in that you're gonna die alone, bitch. I don't mean, come on, you should have thought of that. You should have thought of that before, mom, when you told me I was too old to play with barbies. Well, turn around and check your back from a hill sticker, because I am outgrowing you. Bit. I don't think so, HONEYA Oh my god, incredible Jackson, Amy, Joe Jackson, Ryan Lynch, Brian Fosson. Guys, welcome the next group before intermission. Here we go, Carly and Pelbon, Miss Joe Firestone, Mr Sam tagger, Tip Tagger and a partner now sherline? All right, here we go, Carly and motherfucking filmin. Are you know we are presenting? And here you start your little time because here we go. Okay, I don't think so, honey. The look of victory that washes over one's face when they just make the train okay, and you know what you're talking about moments before you're running bitch, Okay, we all saw that messenger bag hit your head. Okay. And then you get on the train card and you're looking around. Now you're the king of this train, okay. And then you want to make eye contact with what you're okay, guess why win in New York do we try to make eye contact? Okay? So you look directly at me to see advice? How what you did? And you know what, I don't think? So I am neutral. I'm neutral on the train. I don't want to be inspired, Okay, I don't want to have you know what. I walked casually onto the train, okay, because the train waited for me, a bitch. Why oh my god, we got Joe Firestone, Thank you, Joe Firestone. Are you a pre selected are you going in this bowl. Thanks related one minute starts now. Okay, Um, memes, I don't think so honey. Um uh ever, try to call him MAM's and then everyone else is like, I don't think so honey. You know T F W More like I D T S H. That's I don't think so honey. Okay, Um, why do you gotta puts on pictures? I don't think so honey, pictures for your words? If a picture is worth a thousand words, wi is it gonna have a couple more words? I'm tabot. I don't think so honey. After any second, why are you gonna make animals have voices? I don't think so honey. And no animals no voice? And babies WTF? No, I don't think so honey. That's why, Oh my god. And now Sam Tagger pre selected to the bowl. I'm weirdly feeling the ball. Okay, weirdly feeling the ball. This is gonna be a tragic, Sam Taggart, I don't think so. Subject is Kelly Clarkson And your time starts now? Oh, I simply do not think so. Kelly Clarkson behind these hazel eyes is nonsense. You're a reality show star pretending to be a celebrity. It's passing. Oh my god, I simply do not think so. Hunty Kelly Clark's son, miss independence more like miss dependent on your American idol wind thirty second? Oh my gosh, she's feeling herself? Did I say I was feeling the bowler? Was I feeling myself? I simply do not think so seconds Kelly Clarkson, here's a message. If you're in the crowd. You were meant to be a mom in the Midwest. That's what's one minute? Oh my god, I've never been so insulted. I've never been so insulted in my life. I know a partner that Charlotte. You need the hat prepared or bowl. I'm gonna go pre selected. One minute starts now, Okay, I don't think so. People who try to get on the train before people are off the train don't. What is your end game? We are not ghosts. I need a little act out here. Will you guys all get right here? Okay? This is the f train. We all know it. We all love it. Okay, we just got to Carrol Street. We all know it. We all love it. Doors open every time I passed. You say no, bitch, open. What are you doing? Ghost? We deserve to live. We deserved space in the city. I don't pay a security deposit for your as I feel weird about saying yes for seconds. I don't think so. That's what's growing up for this grow Carlean Film and show fires on Sam Tucker, a partner on Charlotte. Now everyone to intermission. We'd like to show a short video commemorating the Lost Culture Rests Icon Award winner. This is an animated video animated by Lulu by Lulu Crouse. Let's let's go for lights. I don't think so, honey, about people who shamed me about um posting on social too much, or about ever being on your phone ever, because people act like if you're in a conversation with them that you have to have to have to be engaged. But how about you like engage me and you know what I mean, like my phone, Like that's not ever guilt anyone for being on our phone to me. All do it Like I don't care if I'm staying on the subway steps and you need to like side step for a second because guess what counting on? It's like take a deep breath and out roller eyes quite so hard on each other for being on our phones. And second second only, I will always post my truth on social media, on Facebook dot com, on tour dot com, no matter what, and I will do that. I will post every single thought that ever enters into my head and I'll write to do that. And for those of you who do not post every thought that comes into your head, well then I feel truly sorry for you that you're so ashamed and embarrassed or that you don't have thoughts that are interesting enough to post. And honestly, I will never not, once ever again feel badly for speaking my truth because I used to do that and guess what it almost killed me? What our lost coos Reason's Icon Award winner. And now, Pat, would you like your pre selected topic or going into the bowl pre selected? Here we go, Pat Regan, your time starts now. I don't think so honey about restaurants who like cover their outlets so you can't charge your phone, um, because like why what are you getting for that? Like that electricity belongs to like everyone, Like yes you did like start, but like you can't own electricity. It's like emotion or life force? Um. And I want to just go inside every single restaurant that does to suspend myny to cover up through outlets for no reason other than to be toxic, and just rip them off the wall and be like, I don't think so honey, go electricity, run find phones to give life chickens. And I just want, like, if I ever get rich enough, like in my thirties, I do want to like start like a collective of young creative. Is that like it's a space in midtown where you can just come and charge, you know what I mean? And everybody's saved because I threw to God, like the amount of money you're taking to cover them with little plastic chargers, like you would spend so much that just to give us electricity, and you can save the lives of phones. Can do it today, We can do it together. I don't think so body thank you so much. I just want to say, awards are so silly, Are so silly? Al Right, guys, give it up for Pedrigan. Guys. We're gonna take a brief break. But first I want to remind you all about the raffle for trans Lifeline one dollars each ticket. Please go get a drink, Go get a raffle ticket. We'll be right back. Thank you guys so much. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsay, and Brett Bohm. For more podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Productions dot com dog h