Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang"Drink Juice and Spill Tea" (w/ Rachel Bloom)
Family is back on the pod after 7 and a half years! It’s Rachel Bloom! And she’s got notes on her last Las Cultch episode. Matt and Bow catch up with the star of Netflix’s Death, Let Me Do My Special, which is out now! Also, Rachel’s daughter’s Drag Race werkroom entrance is debuted, Bowen demands a female Siri, and the takeover of the word “gaslight” is discussed. All this, how all children’s TV shows are a hallucination, entertainment journalism then vs now, “PacSun Santa”, anxiety on nomination morning, “journal about it” as advice, squirting, postpartum anxiety, what happens when death becomes real, rowdy teens in children’s parks and Whitney and Barbra finally get their Iconic 400 flowers. Forgetting that was not right, and also not okay!
Hey, everybody, it's me Matt Rogers, letting you know. Tickets are on sale now to see me on tour, the Friends of Christmas Tour, that is, I'm doing my whole album have you Heard of Christmas? Plus a lot more with the whole band all throughout the December. Go to www dot Matt Rodgers Official dot com.
See me in a city near you and now Lost Cult drums look mare, oh, I see you, my ow and look over there is that culture. Yes, goodness, Lost culture.
Ding dong, Lost Cultureisa's calling tactile as ever I think, Yeah, I will say, Matt, kind of webbed hand, feeling very connected to you today and as of late, I'll always but like I'll always, sisterhood is really.
Sisterhood is real. I mean, let's just set the tone. Matt just got off a red eye. I'm kind of running on paltry sleep and not that this was like labored for us, but like it's our guests.
We have to show up when family that comes through, You show up for family, And I believe that's the Olive Garden slogan for family. When family comes through, When family comes down through rural culture Number twenty seven, When family comes through you do you show up for family?
I think, because that is so true, and let's just get right into it, because our guest is someone who figures very, very heavily into the lore.
We talked about this last time she was on.
I mentioned this in whatever, the most recent big, long extended interview where it was Michael Schulman legend, and he was just talking about like this time in my life and I was like, I think I want to get bad school, but I don't. For The New Yorker for the New Yorker and I was like, Rachel Bloom took me out to a gastro pub outside of USC and told me, maybe you shouldn't do that. Yeah, you should actually do comedy.
Because it's what you love. Maybe become the star you've always meant to be. And that's what she said that day. She looked at you, Alis and said you were meant to become the star. Was this before or after we had our iconic piano? This was before.
This was while we were still in school, because we went to USC for fracket for the Fracus Improv Festival. And this was the because Rachel kind of planted the seed crystal or you know whatever, the that's not an expression, but.
Can I say I'm strung an expression? I'm starting to hate whoa, here we go. This person is mother. It's so dumb. Well, we're like in that moment like it was true. And also it's become true for her in real life. It's become true for her. In real life.
She is and her little daughter is writing song parodies apple don't fall far from the tree that she has. There's a song called Spooky Scary Skeletons and now beak on that. Now this little girl literally little girl, little girl wrote a little girl wrote a song.
Parody called Poopy Little Skeletons daughter as her father's daughter.
Dan Gregor, don't forget the legend. I mean, what is there to say about our guest?
She is true?
Oh my god, were you at Choteen Sunday on Fire in the Pines this summer when they were playing.
Oh my god, yes, seed generalize abon Man constantly gets play everyone off book on Yeah.
No, do you know that? No, this is really I mean, that's it's a huge honor, and honestly, you know what else was great about it. I'm sitting there watching it and not for one second that I think, like there, I'm like, yo, that's just an iconic video that should be up there. I was like, that's and then like later I was like, that's Rachel. That's Rachel.
This is that's an Emmy Golden Globe winning Star of Our Hearts, an American treasure.
The best award, though, is the TCA Individual Achievement in Comedy, And I know that. You know that's a really hard one to get.
Gender.
They only give it to one person. It's ungender, they only give it to one person.
She has a fantastic special coming on of Netflix. Yes, that's let me do my special October fifteenth.
Please watch, everyone, please welcome Rachel Bom in shades.
Okay, so I'm wearing sunglasses because I forgot there was an on camera port because no, no, But so anyway, I am wearing very little makeup. At some point I'll take the shades off. But I went, well, I want people to be impressed, right, because you've had all these famous, fancy, like like done up, glammed people on. I just wanted to look like I just stepped out of a convertible and took a scarf off.
Of my head. You know what's crazy is you were coming up the stairs, and I was like, and I had my breath taken away.
Yeah, ever makes me very, That makes me very. We have so much to get into because, as you recall, we recorded it so last time I was on those cultures, it was seven and a half years ago in the apartment of it.
It was a sound engineer's apartment on Atlantic Avenue, another era. Sure was.
I got in there. I was hungry. I made him feed me. Yes, oh my god, And which is why I brought my Starbucks egg bites this time, so I wouldn't so I wouldn't make anyone feed me. But I'm laughing because you just talked about the Tcaward, and that's exactly what you talked about seven and a half years ago. You went, so, I the time, I hadn't had the Emmy yet, but you were like, You're like, she's golden Globe, and you're like, a the TCA Award, which is actually my favorite. And you you do like five to ten minutes on why the TCA is the best award in the same almost exact wording of now, and you're still correct.
Yeah, no, I know that's probably the one you look at on the shelf of awards and think.
Actually just I was cleaning my shelf and it just dropped and it's made of pure glass. It didn't break, thank god. But I was like, I need to move this award. This is going to be a problem.
Closer to the floor.
Yeah.
Yeah, So Rachel comes in and goes, I have notes based on the last time, notes on the last time I was here on the show, and I am gripped with fear.
No, no, no, it's all great, it's all wonderful. Well wait, first of all, though, wait, sorry, I have a lot. Yeah, turn you out, my daughter. I feel like you'll appreciate this. Please, I'll show you the video. But I feel like I should put in the mic.
Yeah.
So our nanny, who's a Drag Race fan while I've been gone, is training my daughter on what's going to be her workroom entrance.
We have to know it takes train, take rain.
I got sent this video.
Wait, do it in the Okay, I can't here drink and it's failty and already, thank you.
I came here to drink juice and spilty, but already, honey, that's winter.
Drink and Spilty is the title of.
Unbelievable. Was she coached, well, yeah, well nanny nanny.
She definitely she doesn't know what she's coach.
She's very clearly off. I'll show you after this, like she they very clearly off care of someone's being.
Like, yeah, well she do have nerve, it's but she doesn't want drag Race yet your daughter.
When I was breastfeeding, I watched NonStop drag Race.
Talk about this idea because I really really think that if I were to have a child, I would be totally in on this. Like you wanted space Jam to be the first thing that she listened to as she entered this planet. Do you feel like osmodically this is the idea, Like you want to just like download into her all these different things.
I think that they hear stuff in the womb. M there's evidence that babies, you know, they spend nine and a half ten months hearing this, especially the vibrations of their mother's voice, like just know whoever they're around, and so it does they kind of come out knowing the voices familiar to them.
Yes, but it's not like you're not doing that.
And maybe you are, but is it like the it's the Mozart thing it's like, oh, play classical music.
There was definitely was a little bit of as I was breastfeeding her watching nonsuft drag race. Also, it was lockdown, so I had nothing else going on, and I was a little sad because it was a very intense time.
So I watched.
I binged all of the drag races that I hadn't watched before.
There's a lot of them.
I've tried to rewatch it with her, anything that isn't cartoon. She gets bored by.
What she Coco melon.
I we're a Coco melon free household. I won't let her know.
And was it a part of the life at one point?
And then you know this, I just heard you have to stop the Coco melan. So she gets to watch that when she's at my writing partner Lene, she gets to watch Coco Melon and she's at Auntie Ellen's. But in our house, we have a zero Coco mel intolerance. I mean, her favorite show right now is Gabby's Dollhouse.
Gabby's all House is a huge head. You know the girl, the girl's my niece is loved.
Ok okay, who's Gabby? What's her deal?
So Gabby's a girl it kind of is Gabby's a girl, but really she's probably eighteen by now. The woman who plays her, she's a girl who sits along in her bedroom and has a cat named Floyd. And there's a big dollhouse. Again like this is an almost grown woman, but she has a dollhouse. And and every episode like she'll be like it's Floyd's birthday or so every episode there's there's like a ramp in her room where a gift comes down.
On Sorry sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. There's the gifts come out of the ram.
So there's a little ramp, the gifts come down on wheels, and then she goes, it's a doll surprise. And then so it's like also an unboxing video because then she opens it and it's a little teeny thing. She goes, oh my gosh, this must it's a backpack. We're going camping in the dollhouse. And then she goes, it's time to get tiny, and then she grabs uh stuffed animal. She goes, pinch on my left, pinch, pinch am I right, Grab Pandy's hand and hold on tight, and then she shrinks down into the dollhouse and suddenly it's an animated.
So it's supernatural.
I met the show Supernatural that was on the sea deck.
No, I never mean that. I almost never mean that supernatural.
There's this amazing Reddit group called what my SERI.
I'm sorry, do you have a male Siri? That's the default now, which let's talk about that later. But keep going interesting. I'm sorry, we are gonna gender Siri. Yeah, he's a woman.
Okay, keep going, wows you believe series warm And I'm not saying like in terms of like a dynamic observices.
Ransomly is a woman, has a vagina's gay men tubes. I can get her pregnant with my com Right.
Now, they're trying to put men in rolls of servitude. I don't want to fuck man Siri.
I'm not gonna ask man Siri how to get me to Panera series a woman.
Oh my god, wait me to my bread woman. Point me in the direction of my bread You faceless woman? You sis woman? Yeah, faceless cis vagina having woman.
I'm sorry, so Gabby, So Gabby, it's like supernatural.
You you got if someone's if there's a group song, I'm like, okay, you can watch pitch.
Although I did that TikTok thing, the dough. It doesn't make sense because you have to go off key you it's weird. And also, so this is another thing. I saw this gay guy do it and he was like dough and it was he was like dough and he goes, oh, do I have to and he goes dough and then yeah. So so it's an octave specific thing.
So then that's that's why it gives me a minute to even get dough. But also I think you have to be on a specific pitch for their dough.
It wants men to sound like men and women to sound like women, like Siri like Siri.
That's the true We're not coming back from the siribout believe.
I insisted that no, because I honestly that that's going.
To be number one article on Deadline tomorrow.
Change do better, Do better? Apple? Sis a woman, and you took a job away from a woman, And isn't it hard enough? Isn't it hard enough in this town? Which town?
I don't know why they would change theory from woman to a man, because that means you have to now pay Siri more?
Right, Wait, speaking of women, Gabby, So she goes in the.
Dollhouse, she goes on adventures and then she shrinks back up. There's a great reddit subreddit called Daniel Tiger Conspiracy, which is a bunch of parents. I don't know if you've heard of it. Does going crazy come up with conspiracy theories about the children shows that they are forced to watch. And it's named after Daniel Tiger's neighborhood. The conspiracy theory about one of the theories about Daniel Tiger's neighborhood is that it's a communist monarchy huh, and that somehow they're all communists, but they're forcing the monarchy at gunpoint to remain in their stations. But they're also making the monarchy work side by side, like the like the prince in Daniel Tiger is a waiter at the restaurant and also baby sits, and it's like, but he's a prince.
Right, I wish my brain worked like.
It's also a bunch of spears.
You haven't slept.
Yeah, But that theory about Gabby's dollhouse, I want to say that my husband, he and Gregor and I were talking about and elaborate on, is that Gabby? Because Gabby's dollhouse, I think premiered in twenty twenty. Okay, that Gabby is in a pandemic era experiment, that she's a girl on lockdown because you never meet her parents, you only see her bedroom.
She has COVID, she's frozen into her she's.
Frozen into or she's in some sort of isolation experiment. Yeah, and they mess with her by sending in the gifts on a little ramp. Oh, and she's slowly going insane, because that's why she's that's why she's like she shrinks down into her dollhouse. That this is all a woman hallucinating who's slowly going crazy from being isolated from society.
Yeah. The cartoon is a disassociation. Yeah, because the highlight of her day is already happened. She's been given a small gift to the conveyor belt. So that's when she realizes, Oh, that's as good as it's going to get today. Yeah, and she drifts and it's been an extended four year hallucination.
Yeah.
Can we apply this?
Are there conspiracies that we can apply to like children's shows that we grew up on. Oh I love this, Yeah, so what let's start suthing?
Yeah? Of course, name like is that like a post nuclear fault.
I was about toy It's it's a post it's New York City in the year three thousand.
Yeah, like we're back in like a bronze age, not bronze age, but like we're post technology, post tech, technologlypse.
Well, it's kind of like society started like in the end of Wally, remember how they always have to restart culture. But and this a little bit goes into the unified Pixar theory, which I don't know if you've heard I've heard of this, but anyway, so nuclear war has warped some animals to become of course.
Big bars, let's speak in human tongue.
But there was a section of society that knew the bomb was coming and they and they hit in a bunker. And that's why you also have regular humans.
Got it? Oh God, I got it? Got it. You ever met someone in real life and you're like, I can't say who this is, but there's a person in my life who is a sasame screen adult in that like the way that the way that they interact in the world is kind of like and this is on videos, I'll just do it. They kind of walk like this whoa, Hey, do you know these people?
I know someone exactly like that. I wonder if we're talking about the same No, I don't think maybe no, there's no way. There's no, I don't there's.
Literally no way. But I'll say this person is a part of the gay community, and whenever I see them, I'm like, why isn't there a furry friend next to you speaking and wanting to know about like how babies are made, or like wanting to count A through Z.
Some people just have it, and I still know it's straight, So it's definitely there's two different people or in the closet with you.
Here's the thing. Any straight person you know could be in the closet, and that's actually real culture number fifty. Any straight person you.
Know could Oh, I thought it was specific to me or just anyone, anyone, anyone.
But I don't know. I think that people probably would feel so comfortable being gay around you because you're such an ally.
I've had numerous people come out come out like I'm the first or second person.
I feel like that is a badge of honor. Do you wear it as well?
I love it?
Yeah, because I don't make a where's your badge because I don't.
I don't make a big deal. I go, that's great, Yeah, it's great.
Yeah.
What if I just was topless, don't get the sunglasses.
It would be good. It would be ally behavior, it would be it would wait. There's nothing wrong with being a Sesame Street There's no like, no, no. I love it. I in fact, I sort of identify with it a little bit. There's moments in my life where I know I'm on one, like when I'm having like a like an anxiety response to do more where I'm like, you're being sesamestrat adult right now, you're being.
Yeah, Oh I have that too, where it's the show pony part of me that wants to perform and impress and cover.
Yes.
Yeah, But I have another layer to add on to this conspiracy about Testame Street, which is please there are weapons grade like hallucinogens involved. But I guess any children's show is a hallucination.
That's the thing is you can kind of any children's show that goes into another medium like cartoon, yeah, or claymation.
Yes, yeah, you're on acid.
Sesame Street has like this psychedelic quality to it though, where it's like it's variety. It's like you go in there's interstitial stuff and you go into the different little movements throughout the episode, and that is kind of more special.
Wait, can I ask a question about Snuffalopagus. Can I get like to the bottom of something? Oh? Yeah, No, one can see him except Big Bird. What is it? Yes?
So they changed this though, okay, in the mid nineties, So Snuffleopagus is real and Big Bird was like, Snuffy's over there. But it's the type of gag where Snuffalopagus would disappear just when someone else came in. So everyone thought it was Big Bird's imaginary friend, but it wasn't. Now I want to say it's in the early mid nineties, they realized this could be really bad messaging for children who were being sexually abused. Whoa, because the child would say this is happening to me, And then they'd watch Sesame Street and people would be like, oh, big Bird, there's no snuffle Upagus. We can't see him. So there's an episode of Sesame Street where everyone sees snuffle Upagus and they go, Big Bird, I'm so sorry. Wow, Snuffleopagus has been here the whole time. I apologize to you. Big Bird.
That was the episode where they broke down what gaslighting meant. This is a very special episode. I'm gaslighting period. I loved you pointing out that it's your favorite word. It has become America's favorite word.
It's everywhere.
It's everywhere. It's the words gaslight and narcissists have taken and oh, I've.
Been using those words for fifteen years and now everyone's using them and they're not wrong.
Yeah, you've been using them since college.
I wonder what, oh god, well, can I just say the person who taught me what gaslighting was. The word was our friend Mike Spence. It's a very like comedy group word.
It's a film thing too, because of the movie. I'm just saying, like sense, I feel like we've known about the word.
The three of us have known about the word gaslight because we had the privileged slash dishonor of.
Going to n y U and being in the comedy groups. You know what I mean? Yes? And can I say something I want to correct? Like the record, I have love for all of those people I've loved. I've loved those people, so with the list can connect to your notes from the episode. But we talked about the wedding, the wedding that was thrown for us. Yes, and I want to say, as like shitty and annoying as that was, and like like I don't, we're not but her about it today. We're not like that was traumatic. It's just an important part of the lore of our friends.
Yes, I do also want to that person shortly after that episode came out did reach out to me and say that they were hurt by by my dismissive tone and especially because I wasn't there at the wedding. So I you know, I was being Caddy. It wasn't always, but I'll apologize again seven and a half years later, I was just being Caddy. I was tired, I hadn't eaten.
Was an avocado toast that was made for you?
Probably?
I think it was. I think I remember that.
No, I wouldn't have made someone chop up in avocado, certainly avocado.
I think toast and maybe some butter on the toast.
That sounds like me.
Yeah.
What are your notes on the episode from seven half yours A lot of thoughts? Okay, So this is what was the title of the episode, the.
Wedding the wet that's literally the title of the wedding with Rachel Bloom.
This is an episode that I guess we did in what twenty seventeen?
Is hold on, we put it up, so I'm going to be I'm still covering from a cold. This is not cocaine, no problem. It could if it was no problem something I guess. I mean, it looks like it is cocaine with my sunglass. They take off my sunglasses to prove it's not cocaine.
Can I just say it's just your eyes are so beautiful? That would be Yeah. Now show your gorgeous face, show that TCA winning face to America.
Now this episode is from April twelfth, twenty seventeen.
Wow Jesus.
Okay, okay, here's some notes. At eight twenty one, Bowen is working in an office with a floral campaign.
Yeah yeah, so you were.
I think you were graphic design.
Graphic designing kings Lane e commerce.
So there was a floral campaign.
God, this is so this really crazy?
Now you got hired you right for SNL what twenty eighteen? Less than so this is about a year after this episode happens.
Yeah, within a year I was Yeah, I totally such jobs.
I think so we talked about obviously me talking about of medical school. You must be even more glad now that you're you didn't go to medicals.
Oh my god, absolute, Rachel, you can't go viral on medical school.
I mean, I guess, I guess you can in the bad way.
You can't.
He could have been he could have been like a fun doctor who lip synced. Yeah, totally because that because because then you wouldn't even have to go out and get the scrubs, you wouldn't just be wearing them. And he could have done an incredible Christina Yang, like unbearable monologue from Grays and A totally, and I would have loved that, the pots and pans being banged for me, you know what I mean?
Thank you.
Imagine being a medical professional who was just like, like, finally, my time, they're finally recognizing what I do.
My friend did say a couple of months after co my friend is a doctor, was like, yeah, so a couple months ago we were all heroes and getting cookies and now no one cares and we're sad.
Okay, continue okayfferent, I had forgotten how much you both watched Crazy.
Ex girlfriend really watched it, so I want to thank.
You one of the great shows.
You asked me this is before season three. You said, is Robert a thing in season three? And I said, I can't say, so now I can answer, which.
Is kind of yeah. Finally that's a great answer too.
Because it kind of is he Yeah, Yeah, it's it's this kind of secret that comes out and it's what causes josh Chan to turn on her and.
That show was soy and we we'll talk about this special here.
I'll go back there's something that relates to special, but I'll go back to it. Throughout our conversation, I keep going hilarious instead of.
Laughing, that's that's a very comedian thing. You don't mean, that's not something I do.
I got it. You all laugh a lean brosh McKenna does that, and I was around her so much. She goes, huh, hilarious.
Instead of laughing hilarious, that's halfway to a laugh. I've larius hilarious. I've heard that there is one showrunner whose iconic thing is to say instead of laughs, she goes, that's funny. And that's how you know it is the opposite of that, that's funny.
Oh, it's like her way of turning down a joke. I'll OK, great, it's it's not only just larious.
You are such a laugher though, such a laugher.
And so I listened to that, and I'm like, this is so weird, and I'm like, oh, I've been I was hanging around a lean so much, I think, and I think I was also really tired, yea, and hungry.
You pick things up in rooms with people that are the authorities, like I remember, yeah, I picked up from Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneider the blank of it all, like we're talking about the carry of it all, we're talking about the like. And then I started saying that all the time because it was just a catch all and it just happens. It's osmosis, a word you used earlier cosmotically. Oh anyway, maybe.
You should have been a doctor.
And that's really good. It's a really medical.
I was going to be lazy and do orthopedics because it's not gory blood and it is gory, I guess, but it's like setting to do surgery. You don't necessarily have to be you're just setting bones. And then you're like, oh, great, I made four hundred thousand dollars this year or something like that.
Okay, I'm actually really glad you didn't go to medical.
School, because yeah, I don't very little, so.
I actually really there was a part of me when I was younger that was dabbling with being a doctor because I loved blood and gore. I still do ever since I've become a parent, my tolerance and it's not just in kids. My tolerance for all violence and blood and gore has gone down my heart. And I say in a special my heart has just been cracked open and I'm lame now.
No, no, no, what it's the door has been open and no matter how hard you try, you can't close.
And it's just like but even I was watching the Menendez Brothers thing on Netflix and you see her hand get like shot off.
I had to skip all that. That's a crazy then it's a.
Really crazy scene. And it bothered me in a way that there's just something about having a kid suddenly, and maybe it's also because I've now lost a friend. The combination of that suddenly, gore and grief and loss is not something that's over there. It's very real and it destroys me. The second Avatar movie, Okay, the whales.
The whales, the tocoon. But that's okay, crazy, So how do you know?
Okay?
Because I saw the film so many so.
This is how much being a parents. So the scene where they kill the it's the tuccoon, the scene where they killed tacoon. And then she's a mother, her baby is strong, her baby is strong, and then she goes.
She was a singer of songs, she was a composer of songs.
I kept thinking about the baby because you never see the dead baby. So when I got home, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I googled to coon baby dead or alive because I wanted to find some sort of Reddit or Chora a thread where someone had a theory that the baby was alive. That's how much I can't read the news.
You can't even theorize about it. It was a fact that baby did.
The idea of like you've killed a mother, and the baby whale also died because she didn't have the milk. This is a fictitious alien whale. I know, and I'm great, and it's all I could think about.
I never could really do like horror. But then what's crazy is like it's the violence that bothers me. Yes, like I couldn't watch that scene in Menendez for that reason. And I kind of just like I've always been very sensitive to that. I'm documented on this podcast as being like really sensitive to gore and horror and stuff. But when people die in movies, it like it hurts my feelings. Yeah, and in the way where I'm like, like, even if I'm writing something I don't, I very rarely kill characters and like things that I write, Like even back in the day doing sketch comedy, I rarely had people die because I just think it's sad.
I mean, I feel like constantly, you know, the classic weight to end of sketch was for just someone to do this, just like back in the day, So I wrote on the show Robot Chicken, where like if someone isn't exploding, I ended numerous sketches when I wrote for robut Chicken with someone like shitting themselves to death. I knew the way to get in a Robot Chicken sketch was to end the dialogue going herd, which is someone shitting themselves to that, and it spelled h u u u u r r r g g g g g h j J and it's very basically.
The final important herd.
You say this in the special, which is that, like you see now that all children are fragile, and therefore the bigger idea there is like everything is fragile, of course, and that's why you're like to coon dead or alive, like I need to know. It doesn't matter that it's a fictitious whale. It's like everything, even the imagined stuff, is fragile. Yeah, and that's that's all it is.
It's too Yeah, yes, you're absolutely right. And in fact, when I was a kid, kids are fucked up. Kids have a really fucked up since if you were, because when you're a kid a lot of time you don't have much to lose. So it's like why teens make dead baby jokes. It's like there's a hardness, there's a lightness, there's an I'm going to live forever. Death and grief and a lot of bad things are so far away, and it's just not that's not who I am anymore. And it's weird because I used to have a really high tolerance for stuff.
Even out of everyone that we did sketch with, you were like kind of known as the darkest one. I mean, we did like that. We were never in the group together, but famously like at the end of the year, all the seniors were get to do their own thing, and it was just they just read all your blackout lines and how blue they all were like, how dark and they all were imber that.
Oh my god, I forgot that.
Yeah, it was just like I remember that.
It was like, I'm a dark I'm that's half me being a dark person. Also me cosplaying as a comedy guy, which we talked about seven and a half years.
Ago, and I do want to get back.
No, no, no. We talked a lot about our college comedy groups and it's interesting. I can't go into specifics, but in sharing my story, which was that I was, you know, got calm this love triangle and I was removed as director of Hammercats. I have since heard stories about other women in years behind me, but I thought the groups were better going through other things not dissimilar to that. And it's numerous stories. Yes, and I have some bones to pick, not with you two, but I have some other bones to pick.
Interesting off Mic, not with us, you're saying not with us, but we would no, no, not with no.
No, you guys aren't the problem not with you two. I have bones to pick with various other people.
Yeah, I was.
I was inserting myself in that, being like, well, we would love to know off the mic, we're not even privy to that information necessarily.
No, I'll tell you of mine.
Okay.
But I think it's interesting because that was seven years ago and I could and I still. I mean, I wrote about in my book this. There's something that I know. College is very formative, like stuff that happens to you. Your brain is still for me. I think your brain's not fully formed until you're twenty five or something thing like that. Then there's a reason these experiences mold you in shape you anyway.
Okay, Yeah, I think about the way I was back then, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, this is great.
So first of all, right, this was you were a week away from being on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Oh oh yeah, what.
Ended up happening?
I won five thousand dollars.
Great.
So I think I know this, but I wanted to. I'm sure you said it.
I just wanted to.
Well, I went out to Vegas with Sudie, who was my photo friend phono friend, but at that point, they were just doing like plus one, like she sat behind me in the audience and then came out. I guess they finally figured out that phono friend could be very easily, like you know, you could cheat because your your friend could just be school like googling it. They caught up to the age of technology and the friend was there. So we were there and Chris Harrison from The Bachelor was the host who did not like me, and I could tell, and he like did this thing where so I got on a second episode because like they we ran out of time and then I had to come back out for the second episode, and I guess I messed up my entrance and he didn't like that because I guess it was the end of the day and so he wanted to go home. I guess he did give a very I'm over this very tired energy like he was doing the job, but like very like I'm half awake and I'm Chris Harrison, which was kind of his whole thing anyway, which I think made him a good host of The Bachelor because no one was looking at him. They were looking at like the guy and then the girls because whatever, just a perfect vanilla host and then he when I did my entrance to come out the second time, I went to shake his hand and he pulled my hand and you can actually see in the video me like come off my feet a little bit because he was like trying to do like a male dominance, like don't mess around. Yeah, he was a jerk, total jerk. And I remember me and Sudi where we went to commercial break and he did the thing where it's like the host is talking while while everyone collapsed and you go to commercial and he literally did that thing of like and now's the part we pretend to talk.
So is that Jesus?
You know what?
Like everyone's allowed to have a whatever day, but that was my experience.
We mean to because then let's share it on here podcast.
I'll say it on the Last Coach.
It's like that reporter who's now going back retrospectively and being like these are some of my worst interviews.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, the one with Blake Lively.
But then also there's like one with an Hathaway and like I was like that's.
Yeah, but do you blame them? No? Oh do I blame them?
Look, press junkets are are also I got jel X.
For the first time, gorgeous show the camera.
It's like, also, but picking my nose is heroin. That's okay, just because because I'll stab myself. I guess I could. I can tweezer it.
Press junkets about press prest.
Junkets are really have you ever done like a proper? Have you guys ever done like a proper?
You're in a room.
You're in there, the same room for three hours. They bring people in.
It's tiring you say the same shit over and over.
I think what's messed up is that for other people to notice these interviews and for them to go viral. Yeah, that's the Internet. There's something a little messed up about the journalist exhuming it because it's a little bit like there's a little bit of a therapist client confidentiality because you're both in it together, you're both in the trenches together.
I got it. I don't think it's cool.
It's juicy. You're right, it's juicy, but also like it's it's a little bit of like, yeah, just stop, it's it's your work colleagues a little bit.
Yeah, yes, yeah, I guess my thing is just like the thing with Chris Harrison was like, it was like I had that experience whatever, and then like a few years later he said all that like whack shit, Like when when The Bachelor was having a lot of like there was a lot of conversations about like race with the Bachelor and he really kind of like doubled down. No one needed to expose him for being whatever way because he kind of was like he unveiled himself as a little bit of a jerk.
Everyone knows he's a piece of shit. I have to believe, and this has been proven numerous times that if someone is mean to you in the industry, the world will figure it out that if you if they're mean to you, you're not an isolated experience. You don't have to go on a public ty rate against them. They are going to out themselves. Yes, and I and that has now happened numerous times where I'm like, the world will take care of them.
That's a little culture number eight. The world will take care of them.
You know, we've had this discussion about this Taylor Swift quote. She says, trash takes itself out every time. You don't think that's true.
I kind of I'm not every time. Every time did I say. I don't think that's true. I think it not every time, but I think trash will likely take itself out eventually. That's what I think.
It might smell up the house.
I just think, especially if you're like a well known person. Now a days, the media is so sensitive and it's like anyone can pull something up from a long time ago, Like there's records of everything. With the Internet, it's like you can't really hide who you are, especially now when everyone's on like an authenticity hunt. Yes, because it's like that's what people get off on and that's what people connect to, and so it's like I almost think it's the reason why we're seeing this shift away from like the Diane Sawyer type interview and more towards the like Alex Cooper thing with Kamala Harris. Like it's just it's everything is becoming a lot more casual because I think people are attracted to it. But that casualness is going to cause people to therefore act very casual. And when someone acts casual like that, they're gonna they're gonna show who they really are.
Well, the access is just different. Yeah, thirty years ago, if someone did an interview you couldn't then rewatch that interview unless you taped it on a VHS exactly. But now that interview is forever, so people can scrutinize. I'm not even talking about things that happened to myself as much as just what happens, like you can go and be like, wait a second, this is crazy. It's just the access to how people act at every moment is so just the technology wasn't there thirty years ago, Like growing up my ideas, I'm sure your ideas of like I want to be a star. What that meant was different, Like when I thought I want to be a star, and.
I would have sorry, who was the who for the wrestler who went all of the people wrestler.
Melissa, Oh, there are people, there are people up there.
I love it.
And when she said the word fuck and it was she pretended like she didn't know it was so clearly she was going, I respect Melissa Leo. She no, no, no, she break him.
Paigny she did. He succeeded. The thing that I keep also seeing that social media and the world rewards that I guess I need to be better at is shamelessness. I have very rarely seen people who are schmoozy in a cringey way. Mostly they get rewarded for it because they're not being bad people, they're being schmoozy. I see them getting rewarded for it, even though it makes me sometimes cringe the way it is. And this is also just social media spawn con I very rarely see that cringiness get attacked online. I don't think I mean online attacks. I don't think anyone should be really attacked on. It's been three weeks with this cough happens. I hope that's not foreshadowing. I hope you don't play this episode back in seven years and I was like, that was that was when it began.
Come back and talk about it anymore, because that's always what happens. It's like people are like, when.
I die, what I want is and I'm like, don't give them that, because like, don't ever be on camera being like, I guess the last thing I'd ever want to say is it's like, what are you doing?
You're going to use that and the true crime documentary or it's just you're just putting that energy out there.
Yeah, yeah, I gave, I gave Do you remember do you remember Jeff Eckman.
Yeah, yeah, Jeff.
One time we gave each other our like death, our request if we were to die. This is when I was twenty and one of my requests was that he somehow kicked Dick Cheney in the balls.
Sure, very two thousand and seven and.
Eight, very, how is he going to get access to Dick Cheney?
How would he?
I also, he might get he himself might get assassinated if he tried to kick Dick Cheney. And oh, certainly so do I still have that request?
Kind of pass?
I don't even want to get into it.
You know.
It's like, well, the whole thing with the Chenese is it's like all of a sudden, we're like, and thank you, Liz Cheney. Where's Chinese? Has been one of the worst people in government for such a long time and here having basic humanity right now and like not being a complete fucking moron is like now now she might watch what she's like in the cabinet.
So I mean, what you think back on Mitt Romney's binders full of women? Oh yeah, I long for binders full of women.
Oh remember remember one be ended her.
Ken the things that ended? Remember when Marco Rubio was thirsty.
Oh yeah, oh the water just kept drinking water.
But yeah, the Howard Dean's scream ruining his career is yeah, we are fining. That's why the internet was that.
What year was that? Two thousand and four?
So I feel like that was the inner people being like, wait, on the Internet, you can play things.
You can clip it and distribute.
If I were to do it all over again, even at n YU media Seti's oh so or something sociological or something, I'm like, I need no, I like, I love especially now as like an adult, I'm like, I want to know how these things work. As we're talking about like media literacy and like what like being like a public facing person means now, Like I'm like, oh I need I really want to like pop open the hood.
Oh yeah.
So what I was going to say was when I was a kid and I was thinking, and I was watching the Golden Globes or the Oscars and being like, oh, that's what being famous is. What I never what never occurred to me when I'd ever thought about because it wasn't possible, was like I want to be at a place where I can post a thought about something that has nothing to do with the work that I'm doing, and that thought will be I will be seen as either an expert or scrutinized for it. That was never a part of being You had to go out of your way when we were growing up. In order to like be a celebrity and make a statement on something, you had to like really go out of your way. You had to say it, like during an award speech, you had to make it a point in an interview. It was more rare. And now that everyone is expected to be an authority and expert on everything and everything is on the record at all times at all times, is really and I'm not even talking about it if your celebrity, it's toxic for every everyone because everyone is fundamentally imperfect and in a constant state of learning. And it's it's just such we're in such a world.
Of glass houses right now. It's crazy. I mean, it's it's like you stand a certain way or you stand a certain place, and it's like a statement on things, you know what I mean. It's like you know what I mean, Like it's just it's silly, it's dumb.
Like I also remember when they this is this is fifteen years ago. Remember when they asked child Justin Bieber at abortion.
Yeah, it's crazy, and he was like, I don't.
Know, it seems sad. It's like killing a baby. And it was like, Justin Bieber is anti abortion. It's like he's a Canadian child. What do you well, he's not an abortion he's singing, baby baby, what are you doing. I also think like when his songs about babies, of course he's gonna on the side of pro baby, of pro baby ticket, you know what. And it's also big baby.
It's big baby is out there and he does it was a baby. And I just want to say, just to just to quickly put a point on this uppearing on this is never liked dead baby jokes, even as a teenager.
Okay, let's yeah, I don't like dead baby jokes at all.
I you are better people than no.
That's no, no, no, and that's not I just I never got it. Even as a fourteen year old when kids were doing it, I was like, this is upsetic.
So for you know what, it was for me and I would say like this with dark humor, and this is why I also win hammercats.
I was dark.
So I grew up in southern California, by the beach where everyone was. If you weren't happy, you covered it. It is a happy, beautiful place. I was just there this weekend. It's gorgeous. And if you're unhappy, which I was a lot of the time, you feel crazy. Yeah, because you're like, I'll take off my sunglasses fist because this is important. You're like, there's something wrong with me. Why would I be unhappy here? The sun is out, everyone around me is happy. Santa's is on a surfboard when it's Christmas, because that's the aesthetic of Like, so in California beach Christmas, it's always sand on a surfboard. Yes he's wearing like the Santa clothes, but he's in shorts and he has that Sanna packs and Sana. How could you be unhappy around Pakistan? Around Pakistansana? And so I think that I looked I went to a very dark place sometimes because I looked for validation of the darkness that I felt inside myself that wasn't being validated on the outside. And the East Coast so like Long Island half the year, Like Long Island fucking sucks totally, Like it's like gross.
It reminds me that life is suffering by nature of the season, even winter.
Winter reminds you that life is fundamentally suffering. But if it's always it.
Allows you to change because you realize that time is passing. It's sort of like Gabby, you know what I mean. It's like she lives in that in that simulation all the time. It never changes. That's why she's an eighteen year old, four year old.
So maya existence was more like Gabby's dollhouse, right than had I lived on the East coast, right. So I did things like you look for dark humor, like did be jos you. I read The Exorcist for an eighth grade book report, and I read about the Exorcist, and that's a dark that's book is not appropriate for a thirteen year old. She fucks herself with a crucifix. I mean, she talks about like it's really what's the position the demon that possess it's Pazuzu, right, I did the thing where she was. There's a part of the Exorcist book where she's being interviewed and she's speaking what they think is a foreign tongue, and then they play it back and she's speaking backwards, and she says no one, my and I recorded myself doing it on the computer and then played it backwards and I am no one to hear my own voice at thirteen go, I am no one.
I am no See that's the that's really so that's why I kind of things playing backwards in songs like that ship, like the Urban Legends and everything.
No, no, no, no, I should do that.
You should.
I should make a song where there's like a backwards message that's just.
Like subliminally in that's like I died.
I died in two thousand and eight. I am. I'm now an Illuminati robot. Okay, take a note. Okay, wait this episode seven a half years ago. Oh yeah, yes, yes, yes, So we were talking about award shows. Here's what's great. It is, without question, the person who's going to be nominated for big awards is you, and that Bowen will be coming to award shows with you.
So I mean long life as long and it should.
But it's just very funny because you've now been to the Primetime Emmys way more than I, but you've won and I haven't. Yes, I mean technically I want to create an art semi. It's the same memmy.
It doesn't matter.
And you described your ideal mourning that you wake up and someone hands you a mimosa, and that I was.
By the way, right, I don't know, it's pretty great. And this is where I said I wanted to work Canary yellow. Yes, yeah, okay, that's and you want.
To marry out because you wanted to appear as if you there's no way you'd win, and then you were practicing your winning faces. So now I'd like to ask you, what's your award show morning or and have you take Have you gone to award shows with him?
I went to the Emmys with you when you were nominated as a writer as a writer, and then I haven't been back.
No.
It overwhelms me a lot.
It's that's what I was, and I was saying that it's a lot, and and nothing else in life is a lot. And everyone around you also has the vibe of this is a lot. Yea, No one really feels like they belong there. Everyone else is like I girls from actor.
It's I think that's one of the things too, that's like so different about when you're little and you look up and you're like, wow, I want to be like a big star. Is like you think that there's going to be like a comfort and like an elusivity to the experience, and you're just like uncomfortable and like it's all a show, you know what I mean, Like you realize, like that red carpet, you've waited for an hour to get on it around people who are like hungry and uncomfortable and with their publicists. Yes, you know what I mean. It's all It sucks to say it's all fake because that sounds so rough, but it is constructed.
Well, you're you're not seeing the part where you're waiting in line. I love being at shows and talking. I also I wrote on the People's Choice Awards many years ago, and I thought it was really interesting. And whenever I'm at awards, I like talking to the people working behind the scenes and been like, so, what's the drama today?
Yeah?
Yeah, and I get the tea. Sometimes they're like, oh, well, so and so was supposed to present. They didn't like their speech, and I was like, and I love. I love hearing that stuff because it's a job. People are there to work. It's a work event.
Yeah.
So when you went, I'm this is a question for both of you. When you wake up on an awards morning. Did someone hand you on Mimosa?
No one hited me and Mimosa. I'll just order a room service and then I'll like work out, meditate, and then like put on the clothes and that's it.
And then like this year at the fun part, fun part is putting on the clothes.
This year Suity came and you know, we like did a whole just had a nice time taking a couple of pictures, and then and then becomes prom for like twenty minutes.
Yes, and that's fun.
And then once you're once you arrive at the thing and you got to meet your public system and you gotta walk, and it's like then it becomes work. And then you're like, ooh, this is the curtain's been pulled back? Literally was it of a style? Like oh, this is not what I thought it would be.
Yeah, And the whole night is about adjusting to that, and then as soon as you feel slightly adjusted, then it ends. Although I will.
Say I do think it's a mercy that the category that I've been nominated and the past three times has been Top a Show. And then the rest of the night I'm like, Okay, well we're drinking, you know, like do you leave after your I don't. I'm just like I might as well stay, Like who knows when I'll be back, Like I might as well say for this, Yeah, so do you?
You shaid no.
But also the times that the Emmys I was nominated. I think my category was towards the end, so I was always there. And then you're just nervous. Okay, let me ask you a question. So I had to do so much awards campaign for Crazy X. I knew exactly when the Golden Globes nominations were coming out, when Emmy nominations because I had to. I was the face of the show.
I had to.
And every night I would get before an Awards show nomination, it was the worst anxiety. I couldn't sleep. And the next time it happened, God willing if it ever happens again, Like I should take a zatax or something. I mean, when I last time with the Emmys, I was was I pregnant when the nominations were announced.
I was pregnant.
I was pregnant.
Yeah yeah, so I.
Couldn't dig his annex. But anyway, I'm always aware of when the Awards nominations are not always, but often I'm aware and it gives me horrible like anxiety. It feels like it feels like the worst version of like a cast list coming out. I don't know, Yeah, it feels weird. But then you hear people be asked like what were you doing when you found out you were nominated? And they're like, oh my god, I didn't know the nominations were today.
I was at the gym.
That's fake, right, So like, what are your feelings the night before nominations this year?
I was, honestly, honest to god, the night before I obviously knew that the nominations were coming out the next day, but I was just like finally back in town, getting my apartment all together, couldn't really sleep. But then woke up the next morning and be like, I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna sit in the steamer room for like ten minutes. So I like had this like agida, But then I sat in the steamroom meditated, did a whole like I had a whole moment to myself where it was like, whatever happens, like you care obviously, but it's probably not gonna happen.
Yeah, And so just like ground yourself in that and then go about the rest.
Of your day and you have all these other things in your schedule that were purely domestic, like you're gonna go and buy like a new trash cam. You know, like you're gonna go, You're gonna like work on this thing. And then it was like in the middle of my day that like it came out. And then the first somehow these publicists know everything before anyone else does, and then that's when they text you, and I was like, oh, and like I found out through text. I was like, oh great, But I packed my day so much that I was like, well, I gotta move. I got to like go to this next place. And like the inertia of that and the momentum of that was helpful.
It's good. It's grounding.
It's grounding. I also hate the bullshit of like, oh, I had no idea. I mean, I obviously had the awareness, but I.
Guess there are some people they would have to be like, I'm not going online, don't tell me when the nominations are.
No.
I was.
I was tracking and I was like, oh, and it's eleven am.
So here's the problem is for because it's West coast. We always cater to you guys. Yeah, they're always like six am, right, yeah, And so then you're like, well it's six I might as well stay up. I wish it was just an email six.
Though, because I feel, you know what, not that I've ever been like in contention in a real way, but like sometimes you will be up and rolling over and then being able to see the nominees and not it being nine am and like waiting around. That's like I'd rather wake up, look at the phone and be like, oh, there's something happening in the phone right now, or there's not. Then it's like you can deal with it in the moment of like waking up and being by yourself and not that. I hate being anxious waiting for things. So that's what it is.
I think it's just it's the anxious. It's the anxious waiting.
I need to and want to take the ax because you're like, let me just kill this feeling.
Yeah, It's just it's like a body, even if you don't want even if you're like this isn't it's fine, Like it's fine either way. Your body is doing something that you don't want it to.
Pothead. This is literally why this is? This is because I'm like, the second I start to feel uncomfortable, it's something I'm like actively working on. Is like I have to stop my body from physically being like, Oh, you need marijuana right now to calm down.
Oh wow, so you smoke a lot all the time.
Yeah, yeah, I want to ask you this. This is the moment in the special. It's not spoiling anything, but you you can spoil it.
Well no, no, no, Well there's the moment that you find out or like immediately after you find out that your friend has passed away, your psychiatrist tells you all you can do is feel, and then you're like, and for some reason, I grabbed a journal because that seems like why is that the default?
I like relate to this so much. It's like why do we think? Why is the imagery of like feeling of like emotional access and like directness, Like why is that so tied to like the idea of journals? Because I have the same thought where I'm like, I guess I better write this down, even though I never it's never for posterity, I never look back on it.
Yeah, like what is that?
But that ended up being like an important element of that moment for you, right where you wrote something.
Down, Well, I did, but then I gave up. I mean literally, I still have the notebook somewhere. It's like Adam dot and then you know, and that's all I can write.
I don't know.
I think that. Look, I naturally do see writing as cathartic. Yes, and there is something the moment something happens. Writing about it you do capture I don't know, you capture them. But that's very that's very product oriented. And that's not what I was in that moment. I wasn't going for like output output it all well, I don't know.
I don't know why.
You just when you read self care guidelines, it always says journal that's almost a thing that you've been told from a young like the American Girl car and Keeping.
Of You is Dear America. Do you ever read this, Dear America?
No, I'm talking about there's an American girl book from the mid nineties called The Karen Keeping of You that every young woman read, and it featured a graphic illustration of a girl putting a tampon end. Every woman listening to this or watching this who was born in the late eighties early nineties, knows what I'm talking about anyway, journal about it is the thing you read. And I was so in that moment lost when he died. I mean this is seconds after he's died that I was like, the emotions were unbearable that I was like, what will help me? I want to It was in a way it was like, maybe the journal will help me not not feel this way. I think that's what it is that I have to do. And I'm a very I gotta do something person. So the idea of just sitting with my emotion doesn't seem right. But I couldn't do it. And then I remember I took a shower and there's this ledge in my shower and I just put my head on it and sob. And even now when I'm in the shower and I'm on that and I look at that ledge, I think about that moment where I was like, sobbing, which is weird with shower sex, you gotta yeah, are.
You having shower sex?
Though? Yeah?
Really I never could figure it out. I guess it's a little different.
It's different for for gays well, because you also have to figure out because like water is not water is not a luber So that's that is a challenge of shower.
Sex, right, and so thank god for natural lubrican.
Well there's not. And then but also like do you put this big it away? Yeah? You know, like you go, you know like that like what you want is the steaminess, right, you don't want that? Well because also it's like calming. Sure sometimes you'll get the shower of showers, be like, oh.
I have showers. Yeah, I just don't want to drown. Like if I'm like if I'm like the let's face it, the receiving partner likely okay, And then I'm like ah, and then like I'm like not in control. What if I like get put under the water.
And I'm like, I wonder how many how many people die that way?
How many? So many? I don't know. So many people are into like choking and stuff.
My friend has a fucked up story of being at a sex club and seeing a guy die because he was really fucked up on drugs and I think he was getting his esophagus was getting compressed or something and he was and he was it was like the wrong angle and he like somehow suffocated. It wasn't anyone's fault. He just didn't he didn't notice.
I think that his wind it was accident. It's such a bummers no no, no, But like I was watching or Special and then about ten fifteen minutes in, I think it really sank in that this was going to be really about death. And I know I just said, let's not talk about it on Mike because don't give them that. But I have been like thinking about it more. I think because it occurred to me a few weeks ago that I should probably put like a will together because there's a certain amount of money now yeah, And I was like I wouldn't want that to just go somewhere. I was like, I want to leave all that to my sister. And then I started to think about, like, well, I should probably do it soon because it's probably likelier that i'll die here, you know what I mean. I thought about like somewhere I'm going later in the month, and I'm like, well, that's a spot that could get attacked. And I'm like thinking to myself, and then I was like I was hearing myself think and I was like, what is this a product of Is it a product of our current landscape? Is it a product of me getting a little bit older. Is it the pandemic that made death very real? I think it is all.
It's hard to ext it's hard to extricate one factor from another. I think we're older, we're older, and also death is all around us. And I think that it would be impossible too, because I think about this too, where it's like giving birth, raying the pandemic, my daughter being the nick you, my writing partner for those of who don't know my right, my songwriting partner died a week after my daughter was born. It is hard to extricate her being in the nick you, from it being COVID, from him dying of it. Like I don't know if you'd isolated each of these incidents, how each one would feel in a vacuum.
It is all experience.
It's all one. You can't when you start pulling apart those threads. I don't know who knows. But a will's I mean, you know, I mean, we have a kid, so we've made we've made a will. It's all it's all getting left to you. I should say that this is the moment that I admit it all goes to you. That's why I came here today.
Wow, I wasn't expecting it, but I didn't want to say. It's like it's like nomination morning, you know what I mean, And like I was coming here and thinking, is she giving me? Is she bequeathing me? By the way, bequeath? That's a funny word for it.
Dad so good, because has anyone done a pun like bequeath?
You don't want to do it? Oh, I bequeathed my Yeah, imagine if that was how I quafed beautiful. That's what happens when I thought, just did your do your cleefs have a tone to them?
No, they are pure air, juicy, No, they're pure air if I've just taken a bath.
Uh huh.
They sound like the world's nastiest diary of art because it's because it's it's like, I know you'll answer this, yeah, squirting, I don't. I'm not a squirter.
You never have.
I remember I have memories of being in like when I first started masturbating of like sort something squirting. I think it was pee. I think I had to pee and I like masturbated three times in a row and then the pee just got forced out because it hasn't happened since.
Which it didn't feel you remember how it felt. It felt like, Oh, I just peed myself. It's crazy when you watch because sometimes I do watch straight porn and I will get into squirting.
Yeah.
Yeah, I am scorting porn and I like it because the actresses are just like.
And the like and like it looks like. And then that's where I get upset, Like sometimes I'm like, I wish that I could experience that. You wish this, I absolutely do. I think it's fake.
I don't feel so I try to look out with squirting porn when it's very clearly water coming out of the urethra, because there's a theory that is just pissed or whatever. So when it's very clearly a stream coming out of that second hole, I don't like it because I'm like, that's just peeing right when it's like there's something that happens sometimes during scorting porn where it just fucking gushes out and you can't tell where it's coming from, and it could be from the vagina. That's the squirting port. That's the fantasy for me. It's just when it's like, when it's the stream coming out of the urethra, then it's not fantasy because it's like you're just pissing yourself. Yeah, some people like people squirt. There's this theory that it comes from something called the schemes gland skins that they've analyzed it and like some of it is pissed. The juries.
The jury's still out whether on whether or not scored is pissed.
And by the way, like that's how behind far behind we are on studying a woman's body.
I was gonna say, like, shouldn't we know this.
We didn't know what the clit was. The clitterist is an iceberg. It's tip of the iceberg with all of these nerves that extend into like your vagina, your butthole. You didn't know about that until I.
This is Barbie. When did we find out about this?
I want to say it started in the sixties, but then it was actually mapped in like the eighties. This is this is the way over half the world gets sexual pleasure, and we still are like.
The recency of this shit like reminds me that there's this great piece in the cut that came out in January when you were doing the show at the Orpheum.
Did some research.
Well, no, of course, every morning every morning. But I was reading this back in January.
Like Emily Gould, I think she wrote it, but the writer did a great job of saying like the Crazy Ex Girlfriend was very much ahead of its time in terms of like the mental health discourse that we've had. And I think the special will also kind of have this like lasting relevance and permanence because the way we think about death this has been permanently altered since the pandemic. It's like everyone is a little is a little bit let's just say, like not crazier, but just we're all like a little bit more like destabilized by the idea of like death being everywhere.
And even if you're because look I think a lot of people look myself included, it's you want to move on from the pandemic. You want to not think about it, you want to see things as back to normal. But there's no denying that everyone went we went through a world mass trauma. And something I ask in the special is how do you acknowledge death but continue to live? How do you not completely compartmentalize the idea that death is going to happen because that leaves you unprepared, right, and we need to be prepared for the next pandemic. And when they say, you know, lock down or wear a mask, we need to understand where that's coming from as opposed to it being this random foreign thing. But you can't let it consume you because we're all going to die, and that's a part of life. Everything that's alive dies. Also, American culture is not is so anti death. It's so like bootstraps, the green light at the end of the dock. Ye great, Like it's all like look to the future. I think other cultures are better about integrating death, which is why going back, even for I think secular people going back to like religious ritual when someone dies is really telling that there is a ritual. Like I'm an atheist, I still crave ritual. There's something grounding about it that our American culture isn't providing, especially when it comes to death.
There literally is no space.
Let's just even talk about like oh, like you grieve your bereft and then come back to work in like a week. Yeah, it's like there is something nice about like let's say like sitting shiver or like doing like an Asian kind of funeral where it's like a full week or two weeks or whatever.
You know, it's like there's a reason that there's a time that that. Yeah, there's like a week or two in so many cultures because you need that time to process. And I talked to a lot of people who saw the live show who came up and talked to me after the show, and like, there were numerous people who were like, my mom died two years ago, and people are like, Okay, when are you gonna be over this?
Ah?
And that you can tell people are uncomfortable around death. There's this amazing camp called Camp comfort Zone. It's a grief camp for children.
Wow.
And I went up for a day to see it a couple months ago because my friend wrote a movie that we're trying to get made about these children's grief camps. And I was talking to some of the kids there and they're like some of them were saying, like I even get bullied because a parent died. And I'm like, what is that? What do you mean they're bullied? And they were just saying, like, people are uncomfortable. They don't know what to say, they don't know.
What to do.
So some people don't want to talk about it. Some people need to make jokes. We're so uncomfortable because we think it could then happen to us. And for so long I think I put people dying suddenly in this far off place. Well, this is something that happens in far off countries. This doesn't happen to me. And then it happened, and it's like, oh no, yeah, this could happen. And that's why having a baby during that time was so triggering because babies, you're told that there are so many ways babies are fragile and can die and the baby can't babies can't do shit, like it's called the fourth trimester. Because babies, human babies are born premature because it has to do with I apologize any scientists. I think it's as our brains got bigger, our heads got bigger, but also we became bipedal, so our hips narrowed and the two don't work together, and so basically to get children out of the birth canal before the mother dies, they have to be born premature. So big human babies are especially really really helpless.
Crazy that like evolutionarily, that like works out for.
Us, because also it's still a work in progress, no totally, we're still like we're still evolving. Nature kind of hasn't figured this out yet, right.
But I'm saying, like the only reason we've lasted this long as bipedal animals with whatever developing brains as we're out of the womb, it's like it's because literally because we have thumbs, because we can cold our infants. Yes, that is kind of the only right, Yeah, it's thumbs. Thumbs are so important.
But there is a thing though, babies you'll see. No, you can't hold a baby like that.
There isn't babies do where a little baby you'll see them go? And what that is? What that is is I feel like I wake up doing this. Yeah, so that's an instinct of when we were still apes and lived in trees that a baby would grab the mom so not fall out of the whoa, So you see a little baby go wow.
Would you characterize like the feelings that because you don't really call it this in a special but would you call it postpartum anxiety what you had?
Yeah, I mean I kind of had some pre part of anxiety too, like I had. Being nauseous made me very anxious and depressed, especially in my first trimester.
Yeah, And were you very nauseous.
I was very nauseous. Sorry, Yeah, I think I had post part of anxiety, but it was so wrapped up in Greefs and the pandemic. Would I have had postpartum anxiety?
But yes, it just reminds me of one of those things like we were talking about, like you know, all the nerve endings and like that that were talking about like that women have. Like it's like, you know, I think maybe because I watch like some Real Housewives shows like and I hear them use the words postpart of anxiety, which is different than postpartum depression, and like you just don't hear it talked about. But you have to imagine that people women have been experiencing postpartum anxiety forever. Yeah, but you feel like it's only recently something that's being differentiated from postpartum depression, or being differentiated from any other feeling that you would have as a as a new mom or like an impending.
Mother, because anxiety is you can cover anxiety a little bit more because anxiety is an I'm on prozac for anxiety. I'm much more of a proactive spiraler, and that includes my intrusive thoughts where it's like my thoughts go on overload, and the way my psychiatrist had described it was it was kind of two sides of the same pendulum, or it's like the pendulum swings anxiety depression, but it's fundamentally the same chemical imbalance is going on. I think, yeah, I think that, like we think postpartum depression and the image is someone laying around unable to function.
Yeah, I can't look at my kid.
Postpartum anxiety is can't look away.
Yeah, And I think that.
Also, like women are neurotic, So it's I mean, there's so much I think that we're still realizing about the way mental health has been portrayed for years, like in the media that like a character is like neurotic, it's like, oh, well they should have been medicated, right totally. Like I feel like anxiety because it's active, masks itself as other things, and depression is so undeniable, where it's like someone laying around who can't do anything, like in the commercial for like What's Latuda. I feel like Liltuda is one of the commercials I've seen, and I think, I feel like this's our bipolar but it's like someone laying around. It is very easy for an actor act aut as opposed to like.
Yeah, The complexity is of like what the fuck is going? Because that what it.
Looks like what I'm having. And ever since I my pros, I actually haven't had a proper like intrusive thought. I don't know the intrusive thought and anxiety they kind of go together. It's complicated. Yeah, but when either way, when I'm anxious, what it looks like is this? It looks like yeah, because I go into freeze, right, there's fight flight freeze. I go into freeze. So how do you in a commercial for Latuda?
How do you close up on the eyes?
That's less that's less evocative.
Than like yeah, then like.
Wait, Donnie, can we get a tight close on Rachel's eyes? Actually does an anxiety a neurosis?
So this is what it could be. Give it to her for drama? Who won Drama the year? You wan? Comedy?
Do you know you said it?
I think it was Sarah Paulson.
Iconic. Have you guys ever met I think once? Do you ever rubbed statues? Matthew?
Like literally like a statue rubbing up against another statue?
What is the TCA?
What is it?
Is it a little man, No, it's a glass. Men can be glass and women can be serious. When I won the.
TCA, there was I want to say it was a guy who wasn't even in the organization any where. He was there. He was kind of groping me right in front of my husband. It was like a problem, and I was so afraid of like making him mad at me. I didn't do anything. Now now I would be like, hey, no, yeah, but he was like he kept trying to like plyme me with more drinks, and he was like getting grabby with my waist and Gregor was right there and he and I were both it was so weird. We didn't know what to do because we were like laughing it off. Now now I think I would have been like, oh, dude.
Yeah, now you would that is it because you're a mom.
I think now we're post me too.
Yeah.
And also I'm.
I was in my late.
One.
No I was maybe I was just turned three. I don't know. I'm older now and I'm just like and I think I also and everything seems so tenuous that first year or two of the show, where it's like, oh, if I get mad at someone, I'm going to ruin this now I'd be like, you know what, me telling one guy to keep his hands off me is not going to ruin my career. In fact, he deserves to be called out right. We're in much more of a culture of like that's not okay.
Yeah, yeah, but I'm still you know what.
There was a guy who came up to me after like my off Broadway show and he was like there with his son, and he like kissed me on the cheek and I went, I went whoa. And I didn't know what to do because it wasn't even, it wasn't gross and gropy, it was just weird. And I went okay, and I didn't know what to say. I didn't say, how fucking dare you? I do know what to do. And then that guy came back to his credit and he went, hey, I realize the other day I came telling that was over, that was weird.
I'm sorry.
He's like my son pointed out that was weird, all right, but like it's a lot harder. It's very easy to say, and this is a whole other thing about like sexual harassment. It's very easy to say, like if someone touches you in a way, you say no. When you're actually in the moment and someone is getting gropy or touching. It's really hard. We don't give anyone a template for being a denier or a rejector. We don't learn, we don't practice saying no, we don't practice boundaries. We talk about it, and it's a like you know, Instagram poetry, like you go girl. You know, it's like it's like the like if someone is in near space, tell them to get out of your space. How do you actually do that?
Right?
We don't practice that enough.
Yeah, there are almost no time.
I mean, not to connect dots too much, but like it's it's this thing of like acknowledgment, Like we don't know how to acknowledge these very prevalent well whatever, these like facts of life about with like death or with like people being violatory or something. It's like how do you to point it out as like the hardest part, and yet it is like the first thing that has to happen in order for anything to like be better.
Does that makes sense?
Yeah? I know.
I was also thinking about like now when someone is in a scandal or whatever, the way that they get out of is like they just don't say anything. They make it go away, and which is the opposite of what we're taught as a kid is to apologize. I feel like, not all apologies, but I feel like the more you say, even though we're taught to apologize, the more it makes things worse. Yeah, sometimes, which is like such a fucked up, weird lesson.
Yeah, oh not always.
Not always. There are some good apologies, And a lot of the time it's when someone's apologizing for like a scandal, it's because they're also explaining it. They're not actually apologizing, They're they're giving up a very defensive explanation.
I don't know, but like, as having.
A kid now, I think about this, like what do I tell her about personal boundaries? And I tell her like if someone hugs you say I don't want to be hugged right now, and they're getting She's very good about that, and I want to and I want I want to keep that into her teenage and adulthood because she's not ashamed about saying I don't want to give a hug right now, and like keep that.
Yeah, no, that that's great. She already drank her juice.
Jers and spilling tea.
I don't think so, honey, is now the segment that we're going to do, and also what I say to anyone who comes to me and wants to hug just kidding, I actually am a hugger.
Oh a hug I'm a hugger too.
I know we're all huggers here. Need someone to hug me close. I don't think Soney is a segment. Do you have any notes on the last episode.
That you really want to No, No, this is a I talk about in the episode. I talk about talking to Adam that I had been in town. I think doing some pres events with ad him.
He really was the best.
He was the best, and so I think we had just done we did a thing at Lincoln's Center in that beautiful room that overlooks uh. We we'd done like a crazy X concert. Anyway, So listening to that and that's you know, he's now gone and be like, oh, but in that episode he's a love I know.
Yeah.
I think in the episode we also just talk about I'm sure we went on about Mountain Dwayne and about his genius about the show obvious.
I don't know if we did, but but noted we have on the show.
We have we've certainly talked about on the show.
I put on my sunglasses, not for that, but for I don't think.
So honey good And then this is like the good energy to bring into it. I am doing it. I don't think so honey today. And it's sort of pointing inward. But I'm gonna I'm actually gonna flip the form a little bit. Oh, and I'm going to connect it to the iconic four hundred, which we just did because we forgot somebody, so I'm gonna do I'm gonna use this time to give that person their flowers. This is amazing. Okay, this is Matt Rodgers is I don't think so many as time starts now, I don't think so honey. We didn't put Barbara Streis in on the X four hundred, and this is a huge mistake. And I'm going to use the let's say fifty seconds from now on to give you more than thirty you would have gotten Barber Streisan. You are the one and the only. I didn't grow up with anything that wasn't funny girl. We were a funny girl house. In fact, we were such a funny girl house that we were also a funny lady house. Now here's the thing. About Funny Lady not as good as Funny Girl. But if you really want to get into the fg CU the Funny Girl Cinematic University, have to watch Funny Ladies, in which Fanny Bryce has another relationship that proves to be challenging because when you are Fanny Bryce, you have a lot of responsibilities, you have a lot of complexities, you have a lot to live up to, and you have these men in your life who are gonna, like not necessarily give you their best because they're not good with themselves. And Barbara, you nailed that. You nail it all the time. You are one of the greatest singers of all time. I can't believe it's only five seconds, Barbara streis In, Welcome to that kind of four hundred in theory. I don't think so, honey, that we've got you the first time.
And that's one minute the Funny Girl Cinematic Universe to FDC.
Oh my god, that is such an oversight. We forgot her and that was crazy, Barbra back in Brooklyn. Back in Brooklyn, Oh, that was one of the great concerts. When but Sudi and I went to go see Barbara streis In at the Barclays Center. Oh wow, scene, there was a moment. It was twenty sixteen, and she of course got political and there was one woman like fifteen rows behind us. We already were in bed seats, the one woman in the entire Barclays Center at Barbara Streisan that was like shut up, shut up, shut up, this one Trump woman screaming in the back, Like what did you think was gonna happen when you came to Barbara in like in Brooklyn October.
Twee people with weird. There's a bit that I've been wanting to do, like I want to have like a merged section of my website. I don't know how to do this, which is called bumper stickers for no One, which would have bumper stickers that don't describe anyone. And like one of my ideas is like I'm a gun totin Bible thumping Nathan Lane super fan, and I vote vote. What is someone that doesn't exist Trump or the streisand concerts.
I'm a Barbara streisand trucker and I vote.
I love, Like, yeah, that doesn't make but there's someone, there's one person out there.
There's definitely why Nathan Lane super Nathan Lane, Nathan Fielder, Nathan Lane, Nathan.
For one second, I'm willing to bet that there are more more Trump people like Fielder fans and Nathan Lean fans of course, because they're like in the.
Lion King and do they love the Lion. But I don't know if they're Nathan Like you'd have to who knows a lot about Nathan Lane?
Who is who is a gun? And Lindsay Graham. Yeah they're out there, Yeah.
They're out there. I love those people who are anomalies where it's like you don't make sense.
You're you're building fun then diagrams.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had an art I had an art teacher in high school who was like had like a cool haircut and like played Aretha Franklin for us, and she was also the track coach and also the like and she was like a guidance counselor. She was like all did all these things, and she was like we would always jam, like we would always like eat lunch together. And I remember she like loved Adam Lambert. She was like obsessed and she was like a hardcore Republican. Yeah, it's just like it's people are out there doing their things.
But also when we were growing up Republican but also Republicans. The country was less, it was more open to like your personal interpretation, and with some people it was just more fiscal.
Yes, yeah, I don't know what it was, I actually, but I remember it took me back even then. And now it's like those people that were you know, you knew like way back when that were Republicans, like you kind of wonder like where they're falling now.
I just ran into a friend who is Mormon, still Mormon, and I go and we talked about church and I didn't even ask her about political stuff. I went, oh, are you still going to church? She goes, yep, I go to church every Sunday and I vote for whoever I want.
Okay, and means probably a good thing. That she meant yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, lovely Bowe Young Jev. I don't think so, honey. I'm gonna do something.
And I just confirmed it by searching through the list of the iconic four hundred And also there was another emission.
Okayody, we're making things right. This is Bowen Yang's. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Us for not including Whitney Houston in the iconic I cannot believe that we, as gay music loving men, did not acknowledge the template formed with Whitney Houston, someone who went through tremendous personal challenges to give us some of the most celebrated in music in the last forty years, let's say fifty years. I'm not going to make it time bound, but I can't believe that we would do we would do that. You all have permission to walk up to us in a public setting and chastise brates hit us. There's there are no boundaries. We left out Whitney Houston and Barbara streisand four hundred.
I'm here to apologize. This is I mean, it's not an apologize. If it's an apologized that we left out Whitney Houston five, I apologize that we offended you, that we disappointed the community and sing for them. I have not seen her in concert like you've seen Barbara. That is one minute. Do you want to sing something from Whitney for you?
Any boys went out to eat, then they went out, but you came home around me.
Then for cheap Yeah, because only.
I found it a credit card receipts.
It's not right, but it's okay. I'm gonna make it any way, do bag. Don't you going back to me?
Yeah? I think we got it across. We got it across. Glasses off. Thank you from a vocalist. This means everything. Oh it was great. Did you come prepared today with I don't think so money. All right, here we go, get ready. This is Rachel Blooms. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now.
I don't think so, honey. I'm talking to you rowdy fourteen year old boys and children's parks. I don't think so honey. When you're standing on the swing that my daughter's waiting to sit on and actually use the swing properly, and you're rattling the swing, that's not my problem. I don't think so honey. You are not meant to go on these jungle gyms and step on my child's hand. I don't think so honey.
Here's thing.
If this were hundreds of years ago, you'd already be a father, you'd already be you'd already.
Be a man.
Go home and be a man, Go home and june your homework. Honey, Parks are not for you anymore. I don't think so, honey, if you want to go and build a park for post pubescent boys or should I say men, that's your business. But my child wants to go on the slide, and you are sticking it up with your teenage boh, and you're scaring her. You're stomping with your friends and you're laughing, and I can just tell that you're probably gonna smoke. I don't think, so, honey, can do nothing. Second step on my children's hands. And that's what I just keep I just feel like there are a lot of hands getting stepped on. I don't think so, honey.
Yes, that was really important, Rachel, and I have to say it. So I have to confront myself here because last week I took my parents to like a vacation spot and there was there was a pool with a slide, and I said to myself, Oh, fun a slide, and then it's said on there you must be under fourteen to do the slide, and I remember my first instinct was to be like, well, this is the ageist and I want to do the slide. And then I was like, Matt, you are thirty four. You did the slide so many times and a time that it was appropriate for you. It's just not appropriate for you to do this slide. This slide slides in general. You can go you can go to any water park and do the slide. Seriously, yeah, this slide, It's okay. Let the kids play on the slide.
Here's what I would argue that you could have done the slide, because here's what my I think, so honey was about. I actually have no problem with middle schoolers or like high schoolers coming to a park and using things properly, in an organized, non rowdy way. If you're fifteen or sixteen and you want to actually go on the swings for an appropriate amount of time, I get it. I do that too. It's the thing where they stand on the swing and they say the fucking thing and then they're running around and like they're not they're not using the equipment right properly. You being on that slide is fine with me.
Is there the resort? Totally? Do you feel compelled to speak to these teenagers?
I'm not gonna get fucking Karen.
No totally.
And I was gonna ask, like, no, I just I just give them withering glances, and you know what, they don't notice, nor do they and you know, also doesn't seem to notice my daughter. She doesn't care. I'm the only person caring.
That's important. You don't want her hand to stomped on.
It happened when she was young. I don't think she remembers, but like.
But like, God, what I would struggle with as a parent is be like, I want to yell at these other.
Kids, but yeah, it's it's hard.
God, I mean, other kids are fucking I also.
Don't want to get made fun of my middle schoolers. Again, I already went through that in middle school. I'm a little afraid of the withering things they'll say to me. If I'm like, excuse me, my child wants to use the wings.
We'll talk about no boundaries. They'll just be like, shut up, fucking bitch.
Like they'll just and then and then I start crying.
Yeah, like you really just felt you could say that and just did exactly exactly.
I don't want to have someone yell at me, because.
That's the thing about middle school boys is that they'll just say any really to harm you, whereas like middle school girls will like they're starting to develop like passive aggressiveness and like social bullying. But middle school boys will just be like verbally, but.
Middle school girls are more like a guy the swing and then like they'll be talking to each other and like looking away and you know they're being mean, but they still got off the swing.
It's psychological as opposed to like visceral. Yeah, here's I don't know that those are binary, but okay, what you're saying, it's non binary. This is unlike a woman is serving me.
How do you feel about the trope of let's say it's a grounded comedy drama, ye, adults on a swing at night for like a really close, intimate sort of like, I think it's fine.
I think I think it's if see in real life, it's very sweet. So many parts aren't open at night, right, that's actually the problem is that the plot parks are closed.
I kind of I don't think I mnded in movies either. If I see it in real life, then I go, why are those two grown ass people sitting on the swing?
I go sex offender, and then I start calling the police because I'm Karen, and I get I get.
That that's the right way to If I see adults at night on a playground, I go sex offender and I get my phone down, I go nine one one.
My girls call me Karen. I go, yes, Kamala, this is Matt. I need you down here. Thank you for your service, and thank you. Then blue Line Rachel Bloom for com I can't believe this is only your second time in seven and a half years. We can't take this song a break again.
Have me on every week.
Honestly, I'll just sit here.
I don't even need to say anything.
I'll just I'll well, you could, that would be helpful.
Tend to be like your backup pianist with no pianos.
Yeah you're but Rachel shows up and the conversation flows. This is late death. Let me do my special now on Netflix and give it a.
Double thumbs up because that helps the algorithm.
Yes, algorithm, isn't.
That weird as opposed to a single thumbs up, just any sort of reaction to it. But the double thumbs up, I mean single thumbs up is also good. But how often do you do that on Netflix?
Though?
I never do.
I just did. I just started doing it.
I did it for a show about Mermaids that my daughter liked, because I'm like, I gotta start Yeah, paying it forward.
We got to move out of Gabby's dollhouse.
So there's this show. It's called like Mermaid Accounty is a whole thing. They have cornered. Netflix has figured out the Little Girl brain scared. That sounds creepy, but it's not.
If you say so, you know the Tiger is that Netflix?
No, that's it's PBSBS.
Oh, oh, that's that's the one to watch.
PBS is great.
We'd love PBS. And with that thought we end every episode of the song. It's not right, but it's okay. I'm gonna make it anyway.
Who's behind you? I'd rather be lowe man, you're looking a fool.
Bye.
Last Culture Racist is the production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and then My Heart Radio.
Podcasts, created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Executive produced by Anna Hasnier and Hans Soni.
Produced by Beck Ramos, edited mixed by Doug Bamiy Andnikla Board and our music.
Is by Henrik Mirsky. Hey everybody, it's me Matt Rogers, letting you know. Tickets are on sale now to see me on tour, The Prince of Christmas Tour. That is, I'm doing my whole album Have You Heard Of Christmas? Plus a lot more with the whole band all throughout December. Go to www dot mattrogersofficial dot com to see me in a city near you.
