Now, there was news from over the weekend that the Government will be introducing legislation this year that will make stalking illegal with a maximum penalty of up to five years in prison.

The announcement came from the Justice Minister, Paul Goldsmith. It does seem incredible that stalking wasn't illegal before now, but there it is, it's on its way.

The offence will have a maximum penalty, as I said, of five years imprisonment and will capture patterns of behaviour being 3 specified acts occurring within a 12-month period.

There will be a list of behaviours that may amount to stalking and harassment, including the damaging of a reputation, recording or tracking and following, or loitering, as well as the use of technology and modern stalking methods. There'll be four other amendments made to support the new offence.

It will allow courts to make restraining orders and orders in relation to harmful digital communications when sentencing for the new offence. It's also adding sentencing to new stalking-related aggravating factors which recognise the particular harms associated with stalking behaviours and offending against a person who has a restraining order against the offender. So an ex-partner and the like. 

That a stalking and harassment conviction disqualifies the offender from holding a firearms licence – that seems sensible. Clarifying that the definition of a psychological violence in the Family Violence Act includes stalking - that will provide better recognition of the harms associated with stalking for those in a family relationship with their stalker.

Victims advocate Ruth Money says the legislation is a good move but does need to be refined. The list of behaviours that defined what constituted stalking needs to be future proofed, which is a good move.

When I had a stalker it was before social media. You had to put your back into it if you wanted to be a stalker back then. And it was much more clear cut.

 It was a lot easier for police to see you had a stalker if there were phone calls being made to your landline. If there was a footprint on the loo and the bathroom window had been jimmied open, if they had left traces of themselves in your bed. It was much easier to say this is a stalker. Much more clear cut, I think, for the police than the digital communications.

Ruth Money also says two instances in the year should be enough to activate the process, not three.

We don't have figures for New Zealand that I could find. I mean, there may well be, but I couldn't find them this morning. But in Australia, one in seven adult Australians have been stalked in their lifetime, one in five women, one in 15 men. About 3 to 4 percent  of women, 1 to 2 percent of men are victims of stalking every year, and it has a real impact.

The seemingly never-ending intrusions the social and financial toll, and that's probably why stalking victims report high rates of depression, anxiety and traumatic stress disorder, and in the very worst cases, of course, it ends in death.

Most stalking is perpetrated by people who are known to the victim, either as an acquaintance or an ex partner, with strangers responsible for about 20 to 25 percent of stalking, and apparently it usually starts because the person feels mistreated and they stalk to take revenge or write the wrong.

Or they stalk to start, or enact a relationship with the victim that does not exist, as happened with my stalker - saw me on telly, thought he knew me, was somebody with issues anyway and wanted to engage. And when I didn't engage, got increasingly angry.

In a small number of cases, stalking his sexual motivation and can sometimes be part of planning or preparation for a sexual assault. The thing in common is that they will not be ignored. They simply do not hear no. You know, if you say leave me alone, the relationship is over. They don't hear that, and so they will keep at you.

If they see you or you might engage with them at university or at work or you might be nice to them when they're having a rough day and they suddenly misinterpret, you know they will take that benign interaction and turn that into a much bigger story in which you and they are the stars. And they can't understand why you're not following the script. And they want to make you follow the script.

It is much, much easier these days to make people's life misery, all you need is a smartphone. And all you need to do really is have precious little to do with your time so you can appear at odd moments. It would be incredibly unsettling.

I can totally understand why so many people have been lobbying to get stalking seen as a serious crime. It is. As I say, I'm stunned it hasn't been seen as one before now. 

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