Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. What's the best preschool tip that you've given?

Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. What's the best preschool tip that you've given?

The tip that I would give people most raising preschool kids is keep a twinkle in your heart. Keep a sense of humor. These stages will pass. They're okay, You're okay. Smile, it's okay.

The tip that I would give people most raising preschool kids is keep a twinkle in your heart. Keep a sense of humor. These stages will pass. They're okay, You're okay. Smile, it's okay.

If that isn't a tip for life, I don't know what is. Hello, everybody, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. I have been trying to get today's guest on for a long time, and she is busy. She is just so busy, going in the homes of toddlers everywhere and helping children and parents on all all sorts of things. I know her because she was Albi's toddler and me teacher, and she is literally a toddler whisperer. I have never met a woman like this who also makes mothers and fathers and caretakers and child specialists feel at ease at all times. And I really think you're all going to benefit from her vast amount of knowledge but also just her person. Her name is Carol Provost. She's here to talk preschool nursery school transition to kindergarten tips, which I have got a lot of questions about that. Carol Provost has worked for over forty years as an early childhood educator, parent support expert, and child development specialist. She has advised administrators over the years in cultivating play based, developmentally appropriate curriculum for preschoolers. She has also spent countless hours training preschool teachers and considers good quality early childhood education fundamental for a functional society. Carol has also provided in home support for children struggling with a variety of issues, including separation, anxiety, toileting difficulties, and delayed social skills. She is currently offering parental support via telephone or zoom appointment and continues to offer in home support for children and their families in the San Fernando Valley. Carol, Oh, I am like literally emotional that you are here today, Welcome to Katie's crib. I am just so excited you're here. There is no one like you. You are one of a kind. I don't understand. She's the person everyone listening who like the toddlers are just like fighting to sit on her.

If that isn't a tip for life, I don't know what is. Hello, everybody, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. I have been trying to get today's guest on for a long time, and she is busy. She is just so busy, going in the homes of toddlers everywhere and helping children and parents on all all sorts of things. I know her because she was Albi's toddler and me teacher, and she is literally a toddler whisperer. I have never met a woman like this who also makes mothers and fathers and caretakers and child specialists feel at ease at all times. And I really think you're all going to benefit from her vast amount of knowledge but also just her person. Her name is Carol Provost. She's here to talk preschool nursery school transition to kindergarten tips, which I have got a lot of questions about that. Carol Provost has worked for over forty years as an early childhood educator, parent support expert, and child development specialist. She has advised administrators over the years in cultivating play based, developmentally appropriate curriculum for preschoolers. She has also spent countless hours training preschool teachers and considers good quality early childhood education fundamental for a functional society. Carol has also provided in home support for children struggling with a variety of issues, including separation, anxiety, toileting difficulties, and delayed social skills. She is currently offering parental support via telephone or zoom appointment and continues to offer in home support for children and their families in the San Fernando Valley. Carol, Oh, I am like literally emotional that you are here today, Welcome to Katie's crib. I am just so excited you're here. There is no one like you. You are one of a kind. I don't understand. She's the person everyone listening who like the toddlers are just like fighting to sit on her.

Lap and I miss that.

Lap and I miss that.

I'm sure you do. I'm so happy you're here. Thank you for taking the time. Can you first tell us how did you get into the early childhood development field.

I'm sure you do. I'm so happy you're here. Thank you for taking the time. Can you first tell us how did you get into the early childhood development field.

I think it started with the fraud relationship I had with my own mother perfect, and I think I grew up as I got older and started to think about it. I really didn't know if she really didn't have capacity and shouldn't have had children, or she didn't have help and support that might have helped. Because I was born in nineteen forty two.

I think it started with the fraud relationship I had with my own mother perfect, and I think I grew up as I got older and started to think about it. I really didn't know if she really didn't have capacity and shouldn't have had children, or she didn't have help and support that might have helped. Because I was born in nineteen forty two.

You look great, Carol, Thank you.

You look great, Carol, Thank you.

I'll be eighty one.

I'll be eighty one.

Oh my god, you look amazing.

Oh my god, you look amazing.

Thank you. But times were different then, and the advice was different then, things like feeds your child every four hours and not a minute before because they have to be on a schedule. I was born a four pound baby and four hours was too long to wait, so I was upset infant, and she didn't have any skills or support to handle such a thing. And that continued through my whole life. And the family's story was kind of your sister was the easy one, but my sister also has stuff.

Thank you. But times were different then, and the advice was different then, things like feeds your child every four hours and not a minute before because they have to be on a schedule. I was born a four pound baby and four hours was too long to wait, so I was upset infant, and she didn't have any skills or support to handle such a thing. And that continued through my whole life. And the family's story was kind of your sister was the easy one, but my sister also has stuff.

It just was tough.

It just was tough.

So I always had an interest in it. When I went to school, I actually got both a bachelor's and a master's degree in theater. Then I got into child development. I kind of wasted my education, but the truth is the master's in directing made me a better nursery school teacher because I knew what a set should look.

So I always had an interest in it. When I went to school, I actually got both a bachelor's and a master's degree in theater. Then I got into child development. I kind of wasted my education, but the truth is the master's in directing made me a better nursery school teacher because I knew what a set should look.

Like, and you also know how to herd cat.

Like, and you also know how to herd cat.

Right, what a room should look like. I knew what the hum of kids playing, when it worked and when it didn't, what the pace was like. So it wasn't a waste and one of the first jobs, because in theater, your first jobs are not in.

Right, what a room should look like. I knew what the hum of kids playing, when it worked and when it didn't, what the pace was like. So it wasn't a waste and one of the first jobs, because in theater, your first jobs are not in.

Theater, that's for sure.

Theater, that's for sure.

And so I got a job at the Children's Centers of Los Angeles and got very interested in what they were doing from my point of view wrong. I went back and took many classes of extra education from UCLA Extension and got my child development specialist authorisation and never looked back. It became a passion to make things better for moms and kids.

And so I got a job at the Children's Centers of Los Angeles and got very interested in what they were doing from my point of view wrong. I went back and took many classes of extra education from UCLA Extension and got my child development specialist authorisation and never looked back. It became a passion to make things better for moms and kids.

Carol, I'm telling you, I didn't even understand how important in early childhood life and education and development, any of it really was until I started touring nursery schools. Really, people thought I was overdoing it. I think I looked at like sixteen nursery schools. But it wasn't because in all honesty, because I wanted LB to get into this or that or whatever. It was mostly because I was educating myself. I didn't know what my style was. I didn't know what kind of set like you're speaking of really spoke to me and my child, which was where we crossed paths, and I feel so so lucky that we did. What do you tell moms that you're working with to do about tantrums? Let's say let's start there.

Carol, I'm telling you, I didn't even understand how important in early childhood life and education and development, any of it really was until I started touring nursery schools. Really, people thought I was overdoing it. I think I looked at like sixteen nursery schools. But it wasn't because in all honesty, because I wanted LB to get into this or that or whatever. It was mostly because I was educating myself. I didn't know what my style was. I didn't know what kind of set like you're speaking of really spoke to me and my child, which was where we crossed paths, and I feel so so lucky that we did. What do you tell moms that you're working with to do about tantrums? Let's say let's start there.

Hey, I'm sure, sorry, so much fun, aren't they? They're triggering, they're difficult. First, I'm going to say to you, reframe it. Your child is in giving you a hard time. They're having a hard time. It's a very different way to look at it. They're overwhelmed, their little brains are trying to do so much. They get sensory overload, they get exhausted from a day of trying to socialize, and where they feel safest is at home with you, and they melt yes. And so your job as a parent or a caretaker at school is to meet their chaos with your calm. So that means regulate yourself. I always liked I've read somewhere about the acronym stop like a stop sign, and it means stop, take a breath, observe, and then proceed.

Hey, I'm sure, sorry, so much fun, aren't they? They're triggering, they're difficult. First, I'm going to say to you, reframe it. Your child is in giving you a hard time. They're having a hard time. It's a very different way to look at it. They're overwhelmed, their little brains are trying to do so much. They get sensory overload, they get exhausted from a day of trying to socialize, and where they feel safest is at home with you, and they melt yes. And so your job as a parent or a caretaker at school is to meet their chaos with your calm. So that means regulate yourself. I always liked I've read somewhere about the acronym stop like a stop sign, and it means stop, take a breath, observe, and then proceed.

Oh my, by the way, this works with adult Yes, yes it does. I think when you realize what is superpower, it is. Look, I think mom's listening. I try very hard to meet a tantrum. I always think of, Okay, if I yawn, he's gonna yawn, right if he yawns ee yon. So if he's freaking out, then I'm going to freak out and escalates his freak out, which escalates my freak out. And I've had enough tantrums to know if I can just stay as regulated as possible for me, what I've noticed is it lessens the time of the whole ordeal. Look, I'm not perfect. There have totally been times where it's also felt wildly good to just lose my collective shit for a second. But and then I apologize because I really don't want to meet his tantrum, like I am an irrational thinking adult.

Oh my, by the way, this works with adult Yes, yes it does. I think when you realize what is superpower, it is. Look, I think mom's listening. I try very hard to meet a tantrum. I always think of, Okay, if I yawn, he's gonna yawn, right if he yawns ee yon. So if he's freaking out, then I'm going to freak out and escalates his freak out, which escalates my freak out. And I've had enough tantrums to know if I can just stay as regulated as possible for me, what I've noticed is it lessens the time of the whole ordeal. Look, I'm not perfect. There have totally been times where it's also felt wildly good to just lose my collective shit for a second. But and then I apologize because I really don't want to meet his tantrum, like I am an irrational thinking adult.

But what you just said is very important. There's always room for repair. Your child is always going to wake up the next morning totally in love with you and wanting it to be better. So when everybody's calmed down a sincere apology, I'm not proud of the way I handled that. I got too mad. I'm going to work on that. Teaches them strategies to do the same.

But what you just said is very important. There's always room for repair. Your child is always going to wake up the next morning totally in love with you and wanting it to be better. So when everybody's calmed down a sincere apology, I'm not proud of the way I handled that. I got too mad. I'm going to work on that. Teaches them strategies to do the same.

Thing that's exactly right. And we've had doctor Dan Siegel on who my parents actually did that. I don't think they knew what they were doing, but my dad was one of those guys who if we got into something, or please go to your room and think about what you've done type of thing. As a teenager, I have such distinct memories of him coming in my room and then sitting on the end of my bed and us like talking about what had happened, and it always ended up with him in tears because he's sort of emotional, and he would just be like, Okay, do you feel good. I feel good, Let's have a hug, let's say we're sorry. And I don't know if he knew what he was doing, but we have a wonderful relationship, and I feel like so much of that is because it wasn't perfect, but we were very good at letting things zimmer, talking about them after apologizing and feeling repaired, which I do with my kids a.

Thing that's exactly right. And we've had doctor Dan Siegel on who my parents actually did that. I don't think they knew what they were doing, but my dad was one of those guys who if we got into something, or please go to your room and think about what you've done type of thing. As a teenager, I have such distinct memories of him coming in my room and then sitting on the end of my bed and us like talking about what had happened, and it always ended up with him in tears because he's sort of emotional, and he would just be like, Okay, do you feel good. I feel good, Let's have a hug, let's say we're sorry. And I don't know if he knew what he was doing, but we have a wonderful relationship, and I feel like so much of that is because it wasn't perfect, but we were very good at letting things zimmer, talking about them after apologizing and feeling repaired, which I do with my kids a.

Lot, exactly. It's the most important thing. It teaches them how to do the same thing that will help them to have healthy relationships going forward.

Lot, exactly. It's the most important thing. It teaches them how to do the same thing that will help them to have healthy relationships going forward.

And what do you think I mean? This is such a hot button topic about discipline and oh my goodness, like timeouts, grounding. Obviously anything physical is a no note, but anything in that world you could advise on.

And what do you think I mean? This is such a hot button topic about discipline and oh my goodness, like timeouts, grounding. Obviously anything physical is a no note, but anything in that world you could advise on.

Absolutely to think of discipline as teaching, not punishment. Discipline is a chance to teach somebody coping skills during a hard time. Timeouts I really don't like, because when a child needs you most is when they have melted down or acting out, and when you isolate them with that, with the shame of that. It's not a way to regulate. It's a way to shut down and become depressed. You may think that's compliance, but there's a price to pay for that. If a child is acting out, they're telling you they need your super ego to sustain theirs till they can regain their ability to calm and proceed. And so what I like is time in. But again, what you have to do is regulate yourself so that you can handle it. You might have to take a minute, you might have to say to your child, I'm getting too mad, I'm too grumpy right now, I'm going to go to the bathroom, or I'm going to go into my room for a minute and I'm going to calm down so that we can work this out. And then you do that and come back and say, today is a day when you don't seem to be able to keep your hands from hitting other kids. So come hold mine and we're gonna do play doough together, or we're going to make a cake or whatever it is so they can work out some of that stuff. And in the process of doing that, you're letting the child know that you're here for them, that they seem to have lost their balance for a minute, emotional balance, and you're there to provide yours. So you know, the same thing is we say all the time, put your oxygen mask on first.

Absolutely to think of discipline as teaching, not punishment. Discipline is a chance to teach somebody coping skills during a hard time. Timeouts I really don't like, because when a child needs you most is when they have melted down or acting out, and when you isolate them with that, with the shame of that. It's not a way to regulate. It's a way to shut down and become depressed. You may think that's compliance, but there's a price to pay for that. If a child is acting out, they're telling you they need your super ego to sustain theirs till they can regain their ability to calm and proceed. And so what I like is time in. But again, what you have to do is regulate yourself so that you can handle it. You might have to take a minute, you might have to say to your child, I'm getting too mad, I'm too grumpy right now, I'm going to go to the bathroom, or I'm going to go into my room for a minute and I'm going to calm down so that we can work this out. And then you do that and come back and say, today is a day when you don't seem to be able to keep your hands from hitting other kids. So come hold mine and we're gonna do play doough together, or we're going to make a cake or whatever it is so they can work out some of that stuff. And in the process of doing that, you're letting the child know that you're here for them, that they seem to have lost their balance for a minute, emotional balance, and you're there to provide yours. So you know, the same thing is we say all the time, put your oxygen mask on first.

Right, stop with whatever the stop means.

Right, stop with whatever the stop means.

Stop exactly, stop, take a breath, observe, and proceed the observing. The observation is what's going on? Is he hungry? Is she tired?

Stop exactly, stop, take a breath, observe, and proceed the observing. The observation is what's going on? Is he hungry? Is she tired?

They get a bad night's sleep.

They get a bad night's sleep.

Has school just been too long? Too many transitions today? Maybe there's so they're not going to tell you about it. At the time of the melt or the acting out. They don't have access to cognitive abilities in those times. The chemicals in the brain that get downloaded, as Stan Siegel will tell you, makes it impossible for them to take in cognitive information. So don't try.

Has school just been too long? Too many transitions today? Maybe there's so they're not going to tell you about it. At the time of the melt or the acting out. They don't have access to cognitive abilities in those times. The chemicals in the brain that get downloaded, as Stan Siegel will tell you, makes it impossible for them to take in cognitive information. So don't try.

Oh, I remember my marriage. I was like, our marriage is not going to survive this if he's trying to have a teachable moment in the midst of a meltdown, Like I was like, please, this is not for him. This must be for you, Adam, my husband, this is and this is a product of how your parents were drilling things of right and wrong into your head when you were freaking out. But I'm like, we can't. He's not able to right now. Right now is just about how do we regulate? Is that a time in for me, because it most of the time is so that I can handle it once the calm has happened, like maybe we can hold hands or have a hug or have a cuddle or draw something.

Oh, I remember my marriage. I was like, our marriage is not going to survive this if he's trying to have a teachable moment in the midst of a meltdown, Like I was like, please, this is not for him. This must be for you, Adam, my husband, this is and this is a product of how your parents were drilling things of right and wrong into your head when you were freaking out. But I'm like, we can't. He's not able to right now. Right now is just about how do we regulate? Is that a time in for me, because it most of the time is so that I can handle it once the calm has happened, like maybe we can hold hands or have a hug or have a cuddle or draw something.

And then later maybe another time talk about it. I'm going to tell the story. This is what happened. You got so mad, you threw your plate on the floor. I got crumpy, and we both were mad, and then we got a hug. We calmed down. Now we're reading stories and everything's okay, because that's what families do. They make everything okay.

And then later maybe another time talk about it. I'm going to tell the story. This is what happened. You got so mad, you threw your plate on the floor. I got crumpy, and we both were mad, and then we got a hug. We calmed down. Now we're reading stories and everything's okay, because that's what families do. They make everything okay.

Ah, And let me tell you something. Carol's daughter, Alexis is also a mom that I'm very close to, and she is wonderful. So I have first hand experience. If you're listening to this and you're like, I don't know, man, and like I don't have the patience or the time to really do this. First of all, when you reframe your mind, it is very easy in my experience, and my son was not a piece of pie at all. He is not, and it's what I love most about him. But seeing Alexis as a full grown adult who is Carol's daughter, and seeing Alexis's daughter Carol's grandkids, I'm like, they are wonderful, fulfilled human beings. So I have firsthand knowledge, y'all that this is working.

Ah, And let me tell you something. Carol's daughter, Alexis is also a mom that I'm very close to, and she is wonderful. So I have first hand experience. If you're listening to this and you're like, I don't know, man, and like I don't have the patience or the time to really do this. First of all, when you reframe your mind, it is very easy in my experience, and my son was not a piece of pie at all. He is not, and it's what I love most about him. But seeing Alexis as a full grown adult who is Carol's daughter, and seeing Alexis's daughter Carol's grandkids, I'm like, they are wonderful, fulfilled human beings. So I have firsthand knowledge, y'all that this is working.

Except that I want you to do. That's not what it looked like when Alexis was in preschool, she was a highly spirited kid. I had absolutely no idea. I'm sure I made a million mistakes, some huge that I'll never forget, and somehow for one thing, you know, so what helped repair so much of that being a grandparent, because it's so different, and I think for your kids that you made a lot of mistakes with when they see you repairing it through their children and by being there for their children in a different way, it goes back and repairs not only your own little childhood it get maybe treated that way, but also for your children. It means that there's repair possible in life. And what I can say about Alexis is your spirited children may tax you to the core, but their world changers. They will fight for justice, they will raise valued human beings, and that's what you want in what's become a very tough world.

Except that I want you to do. That's not what it looked like when Alexis was in preschool, she was a highly spirited kid. I had absolutely no idea. I'm sure I made a million mistakes, some huge that I'll never forget, and somehow for one thing, you know, so what helped repair so much of that being a grandparent, because it's so different, and I think for your kids that you made a lot of mistakes with when they see you repairing it through their children and by being there for their children in a different way, it goes back and repairs not only your own little childhood it get maybe treated that way, but also for your children. It means that there's repair possible in life. And what I can say about Alexis is your spirited children may tax you to the core, but their world changers. They will fight for justice, they will raise valued human beings, and that's what you want in what's become a very tough world.

I love hearing this. I'm having this memory of coming into toddler class that you were facilitating, and I was so upset because I'll be is a very spirited child. I just spent so many times of the three and four year old years like heavily negotiating with a like a lawyer. I'm such a people pleaser, and I mean, he's literally my perfect opposite match, this child, and he is not conflict averse. He is very stubborn and strong willed and opinionated and loved to negotiate and loud, and he hit a lot of children, and I was panicked. I was so panicked, and I came to you and I told you these things. You were so not worried, and that made me not worried. And it just you were like just very no held space for exactly who he is. And I'll never forget it. I was so appreciative, and I think actually what you said was you know that there's things too. Obviously every parent has concerned, but even the parents especially who have children who might be listening, who are very shy, who don't speak up for themselves, or who are very slow to warm, and things like that, your child is who they are, and you're always like terrified about giving them the tools they're going to need to get through it.

I love hearing this. I'm having this memory of coming into toddler class that you were facilitating, and I was so upset because I'll be is a very spirited child. I just spent so many times of the three and four year old years like heavily negotiating with a like a lawyer. I'm such a people pleaser, and I mean, he's literally my perfect opposite match, this child, and he is not conflict averse. He is very stubborn and strong willed and opinionated and loved to negotiate and loud, and he hit a lot of children, and I was panicked. I was so panicked, and I came to you and I told you these things. You were so not worried, and that made me not worried. And it just you were like just very no held space for exactly who he is. And I'll never forget it. I was so appreciative, and I think actually what you said was you know that there's things too. Obviously every parent has concerned, but even the parents especially who have children who might be listening, who are very shy, who don't speak up for themselves, or who are very slow to warm, and things like that, your child is who they are, and you're always like terrified about giving them the tools they're going to need to get through it.

Right. I actually worry a little bit more about the shutdown kids than I do about the spirited kids, because they're going to take on the world and injustice and fight for their children and in ways that in the end are going to serve them so well. But I think what helps a shy child is acceptance that they're observers. My son is very different from his sister and he's also a wonderful human being of whom I'm immensely proud. But he always observed, and I used to say he didn't do anything till he thought he could look cool doing it. So he was late to walk, and he did a lot of I remember his little sister would go down the scary pole in the park when he still was afraid to do it. There's a picture I have of them as very young children where he's bent over and looking worried and anxious, and his little sister has got him by the hand and she's strutting down the beach and she's got him there, very close to the stay. But that was a very different temperament. He needed much smaller corrections. And when I had Alexis, it was so different. I thought, you can't judge a parent for being a good er bad parent based on one child, because they're gonna get you with the next ones. And that's what keeps you humble and keeps you honest. You don't know who you've got till you get to know them, and don't try and make a child an adult. I used to joke that my son Zachary was born at the age of forty two, because he was very verbal before he moved, and he seemed to understand the world in a different way. But he had his own challenges and socializing with kids was not easy, and if they got in his space, he got overwhelmed and acted out. And I thought it was a great gift to have two very different temperaments because it expanded my knowledge of children.

Right. I actually worry a little bit more about the shutdown kids than I do about the spirited kids, because they're going to take on the world and injustice and fight for their children and in ways that in the end are going to serve them so well. But I think what helps a shy child is acceptance that they're observers. My son is very different from his sister and he's also a wonderful human being of whom I'm immensely proud. But he always observed, and I used to say he didn't do anything till he thought he could look cool doing it. So he was late to walk, and he did a lot of I remember his little sister would go down the scary pole in the park when he still was afraid to do it. There's a picture I have of them as very young children where he's bent over and looking worried and anxious, and his little sister has got him by the hand and she's strutting down the beach and she's got him there, very close to the stay. But that was a very different temperament. He needed much smaller corrections. And when I had Alexis, it was so different. I thought, you can't judge a parent for being a good er bad parent based on one child, because they're gonna get you with the next ones. And that's what keeps you humble and keeps you honest. You don't know who you've got till you get to know them, and don't try and make a child an adult. I used to joke that my son Zachary was born at the age of forty two, because he was very verbal before he moved, and he seemed to understand the world in a different way. But he had his own challenges and socializing with kids was not easy, and if they got in his space, he got overwhelmed and acted out. And I thought it was a great gift to have two very different temperaments because it expanded my knowledge of children.

Yes, and I think it's a good note for parents to be careful. I hear parents make narratives for their kids that I'm not sure even one hundred percent true. Yet she's got a really she's really sickly like disposition. She's sick all the time, she catches germs all the time. I just hear it, and I'm like, don't know if that's good or bad. Just it is what it is. Maybe we shouldn't judge it.

Yes, and I think it's a good note for parents to be careful. I hear parents make narratives for their kids that I'm not sure even one hundred percent true. Yet she's got a really she's really sickly like disposition. She's sick all the time, she catches germs all the time. I just hear it, and I'm like, don't know if that's good or bad. Just it is what it is. Maybe we shouldn't judge it.

You're better off framing it by your own feeling. I get triggered by this behavior or that behavior rather than a character assessment, because it may be a bad day, it may be a mood, it may be a phase.

You're better off framing it by your own feeling. I get triggered by this behavior or that behavior rather than a character assessment, because it may be a bad day, it may be a mood, it may be a phase.

Good God face, something.

Good God face, something.

That tells the whole story. I'd like to I think my favorite thing to say to parents is this is not the end of the story. This is the beginning of the story.

That tells the whole story. I'd like to I think my favorite thing to say to parents is this is not the end of the story. This is the beginning of the story.

This is so helpful Carol. Everyone who's listening. Everything is a phase, and Carol got me through one of the hardest when Albie was really hitting a lot of children. I was up all night so upset because obviously I'm a people pleaser, and I couldn't believe that I had the kid on the playground that was hitting other children, and I'm just apologizing to everyone and so scared no one's gonna like me or my kid and had to put on my big girl pants and learn how to anticipate help him through that.

This is so helpful Carol. Everyone who's listening. Everything is a phase, and Carol got me through one of the hardest when Albie was really hitting a lot of children. I was up all night so upset because obviously I'm a people pleaser, and I couldn't believe that I had the kid on the playground that was hitting other children, and I'm just apologizing to everyone and so scared no one's gonna like me or my kid and had to put on my big girl pants and learn how to anticipate help him through that.

Stay close, put your hand right there. I'm not going to let you hit, but I will help you. Tell me what you need. I want that toy. I'm going to help you wait, and this is how we can get it. When you get done with it, will you please give it to Albie? And then now I'm going to hold your hand and help you wait. You know how many times have you seen moms at the park say things to their kids from the bench and the kids don't hear it, don't listen when you speak. Make sure that it has impact. It means follow through. It means you can't say things like play nights or use your words. If they could use their words at those times, they would, they generally have them. But they're at the moment that they're feeling threatened or fight or flight that chemical kicks in. They just defend, and they defend by hitting because they don't know what to do. That's when you move in and you help. I'm here, I gotcha.

Stay close, put your hand right there. I'm not going to let you hit, but I will help you. Tell me what you need. I want that toy. I'm going to help you wait, and this is how we can get it. When you get done with it, will you please give it to Albie? And then now I'm going to hold your hand and help you wait. You know how many times have you seen moms at the park say things to their kids from the bench and the kids don't hear it, don't listen when you speak. Make sure that it has impact. It means follow through. It means you can't say things like play nights or use your words. If they could use their words at those times, they would, they generally have them. But they're at the moment that they're feeling threatened or fight or flight that chemical kicks in. They just defend, and they defend by hitting because they don't know what to do. That's when you move in and you help. I'm here, I gotcha.

I can't tell you like being on this other side of it. Like he's five and a half now, and the years I spent I'm sticking close by. I'm going to be putting. I'm putting my hand up because I won't let you hit someone's body. What do you need? How can I help you? Would you like this toy? For years I did this. It was exhausting. I'm not gonna lie. However, I prepared my son for those years because now he's got a little sister. And let me tell you something. She hits him, and he does not. He holds his hands by his side and he yells sometimes in her face, like a big guttural scream, and he says, but I'm not hitting her because I'm not going to hit her, but I'm gonna yell because I'm so frustrated that she just hit me. Good for him, and I'm like, yeah, I worked my ass off for.

I can't tell you like being on this other side of it. Like he's five and a half now, and the years I spent I'm sticking close by. I'm going to be putting. I'm putting my hand up because I won't let you hit someone's body. What do you need? How can I help you? Would you like this toy? For years I did this. It was exhausting. I'm not gonna lie. However, I prepared my son for those years because now he's got a little sister. And let me tell you something. She hits him, and he does not. He holds his hands by his side and he yells sometimes in her face, like a big guttural scream, and he says, but I'm not hitting her because I'm not going to hit her, but I'm gonna yell because I'm so frustrated that she just hit me. Good for him, and I'm like, yeah, I worked my ass off for.

This, that's right, and that's the payoff. That's not See. It wasn't the end of the story, Sadie.

This, that's right, and that's the payoff. That's not See. It wasn't the end of the story, Sadie.

Nope, I worked my ass off and it literally pays itself back every day. And I tell him, remember how we taught you how to use your hands and how to treat other people's bodies. Now we're teaching this, Verra, We're teaching this to your sister. It has been such a blessing. I can't tell you to have a leader like you and the advice like that to even know what to do. What should parents look for in a nursery school?

Nope, I worked my ass off and it literally pays itself back every day. And I tell him, remember how we taught you how to use your hands and how to treat other people's bodies. Now we're teaching this, Verra, We're teaching this to your sister. It has been such a blessing. I can't tell you to have a leader like you and the advice like that to even know what to do. What should parents look for in a nursery school?

In your opinion, I have a bias, But what I think very clearly is that play is the work of children, and what children in preschool should be doing is playing because it's how they make sense of the world. It's how they work out things in their emotional life. It's how they make sense of medical trauma. It's how they make sense of divorce or travel.

In your opinion, I have a bias, But what I think very clearly is that play is the work of children, and what children in preschool should be doing is playing because it's how they make sense of the world. It's how they work out things in their emotional life. It's how they make sense of medical trauma. It's how they make sense of divorce or travel.

Or having a sibling.

Or having a sibling.

Yes, absolutely having a sibling. They have a whole bunch of years to be academic scholars if that's their thing, or work with their hands and do something wonderful if it's not their thing. But there's only one time in life when play can be the priority and be supported. And when you look around and see how many adults can't play, you can guess what happened to them too early. There's no Studies show that there is no advantage to introducing right and wrong academic work in the preschool years. A good play based preschool will have all of the things that they need to get ready for learning. They'll have the shapes and the toys and the puzzles, and that thing together that will sustain blocks our preparation for math, dress up corner as a preparation for life. The puzzles and manipulative toys are a preparation for reading and writing, and they are Artists will come from being allowed to express themselves in all art media without a right way to do it. My advice would be look for a place where kids are happy, engaged themselves in my work with children by going to their homes privately. I've observed a lot of schools. Now you have to remember I taught at the same nursery school for over forty years. I didn't visit a lot of schools, and it's been eye opening, and some of it has been very depressing. And in visiting a school where the emphasis was language immersion, I saw a lot of shutdown kids and kids whose bodies were you could tell aching to play and if they said the wrong thing, they were told it was wrong and had to do it again. Maybe that's very important a few years from then. But in preschool, how many kids learn another language by having it be around them, or having a nanny who speaks it, or having parents who speak it. There's all kinds of ways to get there. But honor play in the preschool years would be my advice.

Yes, absolutely having a sibling. They have a whole bunch of years to be academic scholars if that's their thing, or work with their hands and do something wonderful if it's not their thing. But there's only one time in life when play can be the priority and be supported. And when you look around and see how many adults can't play, you can guess what happened to them too early. There's no Studies show that there is no advantage to introducing right and wrong academic work in the preschool years. A good play based preschool will have all of the things that they need to get ready for learning. They'll have the shapes and the toys and the puzzles, and that thing together that will sustain blocks our preparation for math, dress up corner as a preparation for life. The puzzles and manipulative toys are a preparation for reading and writing, and they are Artists will come from being allowed to express themselves in all art media without a right way to do it. My advice would be look for a place where kids are happy, engaged themselves in my work with children by going to their homes privately. I've observed a lot of schools. Now you have to remember I taught at the same nursery school for over forty years. I didn't visit a lot of schools, and it's been eye opening, and some of it has been very depressing. And in visiting a school where the emphasis was language immersion, I saw a lot of shutdown kids and kids whose bodies were you could tell aching to play and if they said the wrong thing, they were told it was wrong and had to do it again. Maybe that's very important a few years from then. But in preschool, how many kids learn another language by having it be around them, or having a nanny who speaks it, or having parents who speak it. There's all kinds of ways to get there. But honor play in the preschool years would be my advice.

I would like to honor play for like way longer, right.

I would like to honor play for like way longer, right.

So would I. But then life kicks in a lot of outdoor stuff, a lot of acceptance of different kinds of kids. How do they handle rambunctious children who maybe don't have perfect impulse control. Do you let them mesh up and then correct them or do you take their hand and get ahead of it. How are the adults responding to children? How are they responding to the active wild child? How are they responding to the shy and introverted child. Everything is relationship based. Are they willing to make relationships?

So would I. But then life kicks in a lot of outdoor stuff, a lot of acceptance of different kinds of kids. How do they handle rambunctious children who maybe don't have perfect impulse control. Do you let them mesh up and then correct them or do you take their hand and get ahead of it. How are the adults responding to children? How are they responding to the active wild child? How are they responding to the shy and introverted child. Everything is relationship based. Are they willing to make relationships?

I have seen amazing stuff in my all the tours I did, but like you said, like watching children who might have lots of sensory things, kids like my kid who is like, please don't sing Happy Birthday, you have to whisper it. I'm gonna fly off the handle if I near a car honk, or a kid that might be slightly on the spectrum. There's a kid that I'LBI grew up with that Carol knows, and she was so shy and one of those kids that took months of crying over the separation of her mom. And thank god the teachers were trained to be able to attach themselves to her. And now she has blossomed like a flower like none I've seen. I can't even remember that shy girl. Not to say that she's misperformer or anything, but it thank god she was in a place that honored and met her where she exactly was and just held her hand and helped her through that.

I have seen amazing stuff in my all the tours I did, but like you said, like watching children who might have lots of sensory things, kids like my kid who is like, please don't sing Happy Birthday, you have to whisper it. I'm gonna fly off the handle if I near a car honk, or a kid that might be slightly on the spectrum. There's a kid that I'LBI grew up with that Carol knows, and she was so shy and one of those kids that took months of crying over the separation of her mom. And thank god the teachers were trained to be able to attach themselves to her. And now she has blossomed like a flower like none I've seen. I can't even remember that shy girl. Not to say that she's misperformer or anything, but it thank god she was in a place that honored and met her where she exactly was and just held her hand and helped her through that.

Remember that this is the first time preschool they're in community without mom and dad. It has to be a safe place. It has to be a place that accepts who they are. And that's the other thing I want to say, building on that, is make sure the separation process is gentle. Be weary of a school that says, oh, drop them off the first day, they'll cry and they'll get over it. No, that's not what happens. They may stop crying, but that means they shut down. That doesn't mean they resolved it. You want to look at separation in the face, say goodbye to your mommy. If you're sad, I'll help you. Wow, that's why I'm here. I'm gonna help you. That's how you make a relationship with this kid. You're not afraid of their hardest feelings. You're not afraid if they're sad. You're never gonna say, don't cry. You're gonna say your feelings are safe with me. I'm gonna help you.

Remember that this is the first time preschool they're in community without mom and dad. It has to be a safe place. It has to be a place that accepts who they are. And that's the other thing I want to say, building on that, is make sure the separation process is gentle. Be weary of a school that says, oh, drop them off the first day, they'll cry and they'll get over it. No, that's not what happens. They may stop crying, but that means they shut down. That doesn't mean they resolved it. You want to look at separation in the face, say goodbye to your mommy. If you're sad, I'll help you. Wow, that's why I'm here. I'm gonna help you. That's how you make a relationship with this kid. You're not afraid of their hardest feelings. You're not afraid if they're sad. You're never gonna say, don't cry. You're gonna say your feelings are safe with me. I'm gonna help you.

I'm here speaking of that same topic for those listening who might be on the precipice of a big transition, whether it's be starting nursery school or for me, starting kindergarten, which I honestly think is gonna be way harder for me than my son. Any advice on preparing how we can lovingly prepare our children for this once we have made the choice of where they will be going to school. What advice do you have for parents on that next journey.

I'm here speaking of that same topic for those listening who might be on the precipice of a big transition, whether it's be starting nursery school or for me, starting kindergarten, which I honestly think is gonna be way harder for me than my son. Any advice on preparing how we can lovingly prepare our children for this once we have made the choice of where they will be going to school. What advice do you have for parents on that next journey.

One of the things I know about the school where your kids go is that they will help you with that. They start preparing a few months before they start identifying the graduates. They start talking about what the changes are going to be. One of the techniques that I love to use Katie with preschool kids is to make books. You take plain white paper, you staple them together, you make stick figure drawings, and you talk about what's going to happen. There's a wonderful printed book called Will I Have a Friend?

One of the things I know about the school where your kids go is that they will help you with that. They start preparing a few months before they start identifying the graduates. They start talking about what the changes are going to be. One of the techniques that I love to use Katie with preschool kids is to make books. You take plain white paper, you staple them together, you make stick figure drawings, and you talk about what's going to happen. There's a wonderful printed book called Will I Have a Friend?

I don't know this book writing it on my list.

I don't know this book writing it on my list.

I don't know the author off hand, but it's easily googled and ordered. I think it's about preschool, but it's perfect also for kindergarten because the changes. Am I going to be safe there? Am I going to have a friend there? Is it going to be different? First of all, allow the sad feelings about leaving the school they're going to, and then reassure them that you're going to be with them at the beginning, that it's going to be hard, and that they will be okay because look how well they did in nursery school. They're going to have the skills, they're going to make friends. It may feel uncomfortable for a while, but it's going to be fine, and we're going to help you at home, because that's what families do, help each other.

I don't know the author off hand, but it's easily googled and ordered. I think it's about preschool, but it's perfect also for kindergarten because the changes. Am I going to be safe there? Am I going to have a friend there? Is it going to be different? First of all, allow the sad feelings about leaving the school they're going to, and then reassure them that you're going to be with them at the beginning, that it's going to be hard, and that they will be okay because look how well they did in nursery school. They're going to have the skills, they're going to make friends. It may feel uncomfortable for a while, but it's going to be fine, and we're going to help you at home, because that's what families do, help each other.

Will I have a Friend? By Miriam Cohen and Lillian Hoban.

Will I have a Friend? By Miriam Cohen and Lillian Hoban.

Yes, wonderful, wonderful book, and I am.

Yes, wonderful, wonderful book, and I am.

Getting that immediately. I think my biggest thing selfishly asking I feel that our nursery school has completely prepared him socially. He's just great with conflict and with other people and groups, Thank heavens. However, I'm really curious to see because the drop off is going to be very different. It's like line, but would they begin?

Getting that immediately. I think my biggest thing selfishly asking I feel that our nursery school has completely prepared him socially. He's just great with conflict and with other people and groups, Thank heavens. However, I'm really curious to see because the drop off is going to be very different. It's like line, but would they begin?

Are you there at all?

Are you there at all?

For yees?

For yees?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah. I walk him into I walk him to his classroom door with all the parents, and he has a bunch of playdates leading up to it with other kids in his class, where he's met the principal and we've actually I've cheated a little bit, and I keep hanging out with other kids who I know who go there and have gone with their mothers to pick them up like without me, so he's been on campus.

Yeah. I walk him into I walk him to his classroom door with all the parents, and he has a bunch of playdates leading up to it with other kids in his class, where he's met the principal and we've actually I've cheated a little bit, and I keep hanging out with other kids who I know who go there and have gone with their mothers to pick them up like without me, so he's been on campus.

That's wonderful.

That's wonderful.

I'm like, let's just have it be And he's pumped, like he's completely excited. But he says, I'm two things at once. He says, I'm excited and I'm nervous.

I'm like, let's just have it be And he's pumped, like he's completely excited. But he says, I'm two things at once. He says, I'm excited and I'm nervous.

I love that, you know. That's there were usedupid book that I used to read to the kids when I taught nursery school called double Dip Feelings, And that's another great one. You can hold two feelings at the same time. I'm a little bit scared and a little bit excited.

I love that, you know. That's there were usedupid book that I used to read to the kids when I taught nursery school called double Dip Feelings, And that's another great one. You can hold two feelings at the same time. I'm a little bit scared and a little bit excited.

I was thinking, I mean, we're talking about the transition into preschool, transition into kindergarten. What about other transitions like mommy's got to go back to work or has a big job, or someone's going away. How do you help parents with those kinds of transitions.

I was thinking, I mean, we're talking about the transition into preschool, transition into kindergarten. What about other transitions like mommy's got to go back to work or has a big job, or someone's going away. How do you help parents with those kinds of transitions.

For preschool children, I tell them maybe a week before, not months before, because they can't handle it. But a week before. That's when making a book comes in really handy pictures of an airplane, pictures of a destination, or we send the book with a reunion. Then mommy's done and mommy comes back, or we go away, we come back. That old preschool book, You go Away, You Come Back, ends with now we're taking a big trip, we will come back. And so your own book follows that theme of reunion.

For preschool children, I tell them maybe a week before, not months before, because they can't handle it. But a week before. That's when making a book comes in really handy pictures of an airplane, pictures of a destination, or we send the book with a reunion. Then mommy's done and mommy comes back, or we go away, we come back. That old preschool book, You go Away, You Come Back, ends with now we're taking a big trip, we will come back. And so your own book follows that theme of reunion.

What's the name of that book? I don't even know.

What's the name of that book? I don't even know.

You go Away, You Come Back. They have it at the school, many copies, I think, So you can either get it or you can borrow it.

You go Away, You Come Back. They have it at the school, many copies, I think, So you can either get it or you can borrow it.

We made it Adam. Of course, my husband's so good attack but when he booked a job in Budapeshe last year, and I was so scared because he'd be back and forth for like eight months. And we made this book where we printed out like what is hotel looked like and on a plane, and what Hungarian food looked like, and then Daddy comes home and then we're going to go to Budapeste, and then it was like pictures of what Albi would be doing in Budapeste.

We made it Adam. Of course, my husband's so good attack but when he booked a job in Budapeshe last year, and I was so scared because he'd be back and forth for like eight months. And we made this book where we printed out like what is hotel looked like and on a plane, and what Hungarian food looked like, and then Daddy comes home and then we're going to go to Budapeste, and then it was like pictures of what Albi would be doing in Budapeste.

That's exactly right. That's how you prepare, and there's always your reunion at the end. And then for the person at home, if they're staying at home while you go, it's helpful to cross out the calendar, cross out every single day, how many more sleeps, And sometimes with preschool, FaceTime really helps and sometimes it makes it harder, and it's hard to know if you can take the potential tears in FaceTime. It's probably helpful for your kids to see you, to hear that you miss them and that you will be home soon. As the kid's dad, my grandchildren's dad travels a lot, and that kind of thing really helps. Strangely enough, I've heard so many people say mothers feel horribly guilty about those things and dads don't. Yeah, but it's often a male thing. Work is important to them, and it's probably has in some ways equal importance for whatever reason, and moms are always torn that they're doing a terrible thing and they're not. It's what they do. You're modeling for your kids how to have a fulfilled and creative life. And as long as you have people sustaining them that you trust and that they feel comfortable with, they're going to be fine. I made a mistake once when my kids were little, for all kinds of reasons that I won't get into, and I took a trip with my husband that was way too long to leave. Alexis was twenty one months old. It probably took me maybe twenty years to repair that one. Carol No and I wouldn't make that decision today given what I now know. But I was fallible, I was vulnerable. It seemed important at the time. Who knows. My in laws took care of them. They were okay, but that look, when I got back of who are You? It wasn't was thirty days. It was way too long for a twenty one month old to not check in. And remember they didn't have all the technology back then, so I couldn't do FaceTime and all that stuff. Anyway, if you tell ask Alexis now, she'll probably tell you that we've repaired that, but she'll also tell you how hard it was, and I have to be willing to hear.

That's exactly right. That's how you prepare, and there's always your reunion at the end. And then for the person at home, if they're staying at home while you go, it's helpful to cross out the calendar, cross out every single day, how many more sleeps, And sometimes with preschool, FaceTime really helps and sometimes it makes it harder, and it's hard to know if you can take the potential tears in FaceTime. It's probably helpful for your kids to see you, to hear that you miss them and that you will be home soon. As the kid's dad, my grandchildren's dad travels a lot, and that kind of thing really helps. Strangely enough, I've heard so many people say mothers feel horribly guilty about those things and dads don't. Yeah, but it's often a male thing. Work is important to them, and it's probably has in some ways equal importance for whatever reason, and moms are always torn that they're doing a terrible thing and they're not. It's what they do. You're modeling for your kids how to have a fulfilled and creative life. And as long as you have people sustaining them that you trust and that they feel comfortable with, they're going to be fine. I made a mistake once when my kids were little, for all kinds of reasons that I won't get into, and I took a trip with my husband that was way too long to leave. Alexis was twenty one months old. It probably took me maybe twenty years to repair that one. Carol No and I wouldn't make that decision today given what I now know. But I was fallible, I was vulnerable. It seemed important at the time. Who knows. My in laws took care of them. They were okay, but that look, when I got back of who are You? It wasn't was thirty days. It was way too long for a twenty one month old to not check in. And remember they didn't have all the technology back then, so I couldn't do FaceTime and all that stuff. Anyway, if you tell ask Alexis now, she'll probably tell you that we've repaired that, but she'll also tell you how hard it was, and I have to be willing to hear.

Yeah, yeah, gosh, that's great. Okay, this is what I think is coming down the pipe, selfishly for me, kids playing doctors with friends, self exploring their bodies, What the hell is about to happen to my life and how do I get through it.

Yeah, yeah, gosh, that's great. Okay, this is what I think is coming down the pipe, selfishly for me, kids playing doctors with friends, self exploring their bodies, What the hell is about to happen to my life and how do I get through it.

That's a very normal and natural part of development. There's a reason that nursery schools have co ed bathrooms so kids can see each other, identify each other, and enjoy looking at other genitalia and figuring out what it is. When they are touching each other and figuring that stuff out. They're exploring in a natural way. Our society freaks out and makes it something else. Here. We have a hyper sexualized society that shows all these images, and yet when kids do what in a tribe touch would have been natural. They then we can't understand it and we freak out. So you can say, don't make it wrong, but if you're uncomfortable with it, you can don't put it. First of all, you tell them don't put things inside your body because it's not safe and it could hurt you. But don't make them wrong for being curious and for being interested. You can say, yep, vaginas are great to look at, but they're private. Right. If a kid is touching themselves in the thin out in the household, you can say, I can see that. That feels really good, and it's also private, So go in your room and enjoy it well when you come back out. It's not an outside thing, it's not a family thing. But it's enjoyable and it feels good, and you can do it in your room.

That's a very normal and natural part of development. There's a reason that nursery schools have co ed bathrooms so kids can see each other, identify each other, and enjoy looking at other genitalia and figuring out what it is. When they are touching each other and figuring that stuff out. They're exploring in a natural way. Our society freaks out and makes it something else. Here. We have a hyper sexualized society that shows all these images, and yet when kids do what in a tribe touch would have been natural. They then we can't understand it and we freak out. So you can say, don't make it wrong, but if you're uncomfortable with it, you can don't put it. First of all, you tell them don't put things inside your body because it's not safe and it could hurt you. But don't make them wrong for being curious and for being interested. You can say, yep, vaginas are great to look at, but they're private. Right. If a kid is touching themselves in the thin out in the household, you can say, I can see that. That feels really good, and it's also private, So go in your room and enjoy it well when you come back out. It's not an outside thing, it's not a family thing. But it's enjoyable and it feels good, and you can do it in your room.

That's so great. There's a girl in our school who did that a lot. It was really interesting to see and really cool to watch like her not be shamed for that. It was obviously like a stress relieving thing. She was fiddling around, and after a little bit, you know, they were like, okay, well you could do that when you get home in your room. It was really interesting to watch them not make her feel like she was in trouble or that it was bad.

That's so great. There's a girl in our school who did that a lot. It was really interesting to see and really cool to watch like her not be shamed for that. It was obviously like a stress relieving thing. She was fiddling around, and after a little bit, you know, they were like, okay, well you could do that when you get home in your room. It was really interesting to watch them not make her feel like she was in trouble or that it was bad.

Very important, very important, because we do all kinds of things to stimulate kids, just in billboards and pictures and all kinds of things, and then we make them wrong for exploring their own bodies. We don't have to do that, but we can also teach them to be socially acceptable.

Very important, very important, because we do all kinds of things to stimulate kids, just in billboards and pictures and all kinds of things, and then we make them wrong for exploring their own bodies. We don't have to do that, but we can also teach them to be socially acceptable.

What do you do for kids with sensory stuff? Which I never even knew was a thing growing up. I'd never heard of it.

What do you do for kids with sensory stuff? Which I never even knew was a thing growing up. I'd never heard of it.

It's more and more of a thing as they are. More and more neuro divergent kids are being identified, and some kids who aren't necessarily neurodiversion also have sensory issues. Fortunately, there's a wonderful thing called OT and OT can emphasize sensory integration. So if you think it's a real problem, if your child is consistently overwhelmed with sensory issues, clothes or uncomfortable to tags on shirts, bother them. They have to have socks a certain way. They don't think about adding OT to your schedule because I've seen it be incredibly helpful to children, and they're bursting at the seams these clinics. That's what Alexis does now, so I'm familiar. They've never been so many kids. I think some of it may be anxiety from the pandemic. I don't even know, but there's a tremendous amount of it. So there's things that you can do to address that. And again it's something that they will learn to manage. So what I say to parents is, if your kids need a little help in this area. I don't know a human being in this world that gets through this journey of life without help. Somewhere along the.

It's more and more of a thing as they are. More and more neuro divergent kids are being identified, and some kids who aren't necessarily neurodiversion also have sensory issues. Fortunately, there's a wonderful thing called OT and OT can emphasize sensory integration. So if you think it's a real problem, if your child is consistently overwhelmed with sensory issues, clothes or uncomfortable to tags on shirts, bother them. They have to have socks a certain way. They don't think about adding OT to your schedule because I've seen it be incredibly helpful to children, and they're bursting at the seams these clinics. That's what Alexis does now, so I'm familiar. They've never been so many kids. I think some of it may be anxiety from the pandemic. I don't even know, but there's a tremendous amount of it. So there's things that you can do to address that. And again it's something that they will learn to manage. So what I say to parents is, if your kids need a little help in this area. I don't know a human being in this world that gets through this journey of life without help. Somewhere along the.

Way, I went to OT. I needed help because I couldn't take one more hair washing of my son. He wouldn't if you try to shampoo his hair, or brush his hair or give him a haircut. You have to wash your kid's head a couple times a week. It's like I was pushing, and I'm a virgo who loves cleanliness, and if you wash his hair, brush his hair, it's like you're killing him with a fork in the eyeball. It is a horrible experience for me, and I was like, I got to talk to somebody who can help me. I mean, there's gonna be a lot more hair washing in our future and I can't do this. Did they help you? Oh yeah, I got these awesome head massage er things that coached him through touch in his head in a way that he felt okay. We were very communicative. He was much like it was such so much about self autonomy, like learning how to wash his own hair, what was good.

Way, I went to OT. I needed help because I couldn't take one more hair washing of my son. He wouldn't if you try to shampoo his hair, or brush his hair or give him a haircut. You have to wash your kid's head a couple times a week. It's like I was pushing, and I'm a virgo who loves cleanliness, and if you wash his hair, brush his hair, it's like you're killing him with a fork in the eyeball. It is a horrible experience for me, and I was like, I got to talk to somebody who can help me. I mean, there's gonna be a lot more hair washing in our future and I can't do this. Did they help you? Oh yeah, I got these awesome head massage er things that coached him through touch in his head in a way that he felt okay. We were very communicative. He was much like it was such so much about self autonomy, like learning how to wash his own hair, what was good.

And also you then reminding him, remember you, I know you don't like this, it's necessary to do it. Remember your strategies, what helps you? What do you like? What don't you like?

And also you then reminding him, remember you, I know you don't like this, it's necessary to do it. Remember your strategies, what helps you? What do you like? What don't you like?

Where would you like?

Where would you like?

I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to pour water over your head so you can close your eyes, or do you want to pour it yourself? Get a little picture and let him do it himself.

I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to pour water over your head so you can close your eyes, or do you want to pour it yourself? Get a little picture and let him do it himself.

It was wild watching his sister in the time with him, because she's couldn't give a shit, Like she's looking at him having and she's like, what's happening? And that's when I was like, oh, this seems extra, this is something? Is this is not?

It was wild watching his sister in the time with him, because she's couldn't give a shit, Like she's looking at him having and she's like, what's happening? And that's when I was like, oh, this seems extra, this is something? Is this is not?

He's more sensorally sensitive.

He's more sensorally sensitive.

And I knew he had noise sound stuff and anyway, it ot was great. I love that piece of advice.

And I knew he had noise sound stuff and anyway, it ot was great. I love that piece of advice.

I can't recommend it enough. I think it's wonderful.

I can't recommend it enough. I think it's wonderful.

What's the best preschool tip that you've received?

What's the best preschool tip that you've received?

To honor the play of children as important work and don't interrupt it unless it's absolutely necessary. Do what you can to support it and sustain it.

To honor the play of children as important work and don't interrupt it unless it's absolutely necessary. Do what you can to support it and sustain it.

What's the best preschool tip that you've given?

What's the best preschool tip that you've given?

The tip that I would give people most raising preschool kids is keep a twinkle in your heart, keep a sense of humor. These stages will pass. They're okay, You're okay, smile, it's okay.

The tip that I would give people most raising preschool kids is keep a twinkle in your heart, keep a sense of humor. These stages will pass. They're okay, You're okay, smile, it's okay.

If that isn't a tip for life, I don't know what is. That's how I feel about it. What remains undone that you've wanted to get done for years? When it comes to educating preschool children.

If that isn't a tip for life, I don't know what is. That's how I feel about it. What remains undone that you've wanted to get done for years? When it comes to educating preschool children.

They'll always be children and parents who are struggling. The work will never be done. To keep doing it till I no longer walk on this earth.

They'll always be children and parents who are struggling. The work will never be done. To keep doing it till I no longer walk on this earth.

This question terrifies me because God willing, I'm your age, and I get to ask myself this looking back at raising your own kids, what would you do the same and what would you change other than that thirty day trip.

This question terrifies me because God willing, I'm your age, and I get to ask myself this looking back at raising your own kids, what would you do the same and what would you change other than that thirty day trip.

That's for sure. I remember that. I wish I guess that old saying you can't know what you know till you know it. I didn't know the things I know now. I learned so much from the nursery school when my own children went there, the same school our kids are going to. That I made it my life's work to continue that work. I definitely wish I had known a lot of that stuff earlier. I think I would have been a much better mom. So I get to be a better grandma and my kids get to see it, and that's important too.

That's for sure. I remember that. I wish I guess that old saying you can't know what you know till you know it. I didn't know the things I know now. I learned so much from the nursery school when my own children went there, the same school our kids are going to. That I made it my life's work to continue that work. I definitely wish I had known a lot of that stuff earlier. I think I would have been a much better mom. So I get to be a better grandma and my kids get to see it, and that's important too.

Oh I love that. What is Did you even have a registry when you were pregnant? Was that a thing?

Oh I love that. What is Did you even have a registry when you were pregnant? Was that a thing?

It was not a thing for me, but I was recently living in California, I didn't really have I was away from family. I didn't have a whole support system then about kids. I didn't but in the but I've seen it through the years as my grandkids are born. And the best thing that I can imagine giving children is books, books, books.

It was not a thing for me, but I was recently living in California, I didn't really have I was away from family. I didn't have a whole support system then about kids. I didn't but in the but I've seen it through the years as my grandkids are born. And the best thing that I can imagine giving children is books, books, books.

Books, books, And I just wrote down three from this podcast that I don't know. Thanks to Carol, you need to give me a list. What advice would you like to give to children in general as they get closer to nursery school in kindergarten.

Books, books, And I just wrote down three from this podcast that I don't know. Thanks to Carol, you need to give me a list. What advice would you like to give to children in general as they get closer to nursery school in kindergarten.

Age, That Mommy will stay with them, That they will until they are comfortable. That it might be hard, and it might they might have all kinds of feelings and it's all going to be okay because you're going to pick a nursery school, hopefully with teachers that will make them feel safe and make them feel and normalize that it's absolutely normal to feel anxious. And also another tip would be don't tell them the end of the story before they begin. In other words, don't emphasize soon I will leave you there, say we're going to start school. I'm going to be there. Yeah, it'll be okay.

Age, That Mommy will stay with them, That they will until they are comfortable. That it might be hard, and it might they might have all kinds of feelings and it's all going to be okay because you're going to pick a nursery school, hopefully with teachers that will make them feel safe and make them feel and normalize that it's absolutely normal to feel anxious. And also another tip would be don't tell them the end of the story before they begin. In other words, don't emphasize soon I will leave you there, say we're going to start school. I'm going to be there. Yeah, it'll be okay.

Yeah, that's really good. Don't play the end at the beginning, right, Okay. We always ask our guests this question. Finish this sentence.

Yeah, that's really good. Don't play the end at the beginning, right, Okay. We always ask our guests this question. Finish this sentence.

Parenthood is the most humbling experience you will ever have. You can be great at your career, and this will bring you to your knees.

Parenthood is the most humbling experience you will ever have. You can be great at your career, and this will bring you to your knees.

It is so humbling. It's a road, and parenting is so hard, but it is so rewarding if you can get yourself back up from falling down on your knees.

It is so humbling. It's a road, and parenting is so hard, but it is so rewarding if you can get yourself back up from falling down on your knees.

It's all about heading back up. It's all about that. And you're learning. You say to your kids, we're learning how to be a family of four. We didn't know we were a family of three. Now we're a family of four. I'm learning how to be a mom. I'm doing the best I can. I'm learning.