On being true to yourself and finding love
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
I'm in a long distance relationship. Effectively, I have an apartment in New York, a home in Connecticut and in the Hampton's and my fiance uh and these are my fiance's homes too, you know, we are both share about the homes. Um. And we have a house in Neda, Massachusetts, and that's where his bases Needa, Massachusetts. And my base has been in New York City in the Hamptons. Will be in Greenwich because it's closer to Massachusetts. But that is what our dynamic is. We have child, we have children, We have a dynamic, we have a program. That is what it is now my mind. You many of the people that have been on this podcast have maybe not so popularly said that the secret to success is time to themselves, giving along leash, having a long leash, not adhering to these ideals what everybody else thinks should be happening. Um, things like that, just things. Long distance works for people that you know, when you're twenty six, you think things are supposed to be in a little Tiffany blue box. And when you get to be older, you're choosing a partner. Well, partners are going to have their own families, their own dynamics, their own religions, their own lives, their own kids, their own x as, their own divorces, their own careers, their own hobbies, their own idiosyncrasies. So you know, this is what we're doing. And I don't know what it would be like if we were together five days year. It would be easier in certain ways, but it probably would be harder in other ways. I mean, just this is just the hand that we were deal and this is and we choose each other because we love each other and we are absolutely a partnership. And other people might judge that. Well, you know, you're not going to find someone that's the most amazing person for you and just toss them to the side because they're geographically undesirable. You know, I know somebody who's fiance had to move to Germany for three years for work. It sounds insane, but this is what they've chosen to do for their own lives and passions and careers and and and many different things are part of who someone is. Their career is a part of their identity, Their parenting is part of their identity. So you're making choices for different reasons. The relationship is not always going to be the only thing that matters, and that's important. And sometimes someone has to pick up their whole life and move somewhere for some someone else. And sometimes both people have a serious job and can and it can be miserable, but other things can be miserable in other relationships. I want to talk about Will and Jada. Okay, I was on Jada's show. I really like her. I love to do something with her. I think she's interesting. So they, I guess, have come out publicly about the fact that they're not monogamous and they haven't been monogamous. She didn't tell me this. I didn't read the article. I've just heard this in the sphere. So if I'm getting it wrong, you can absolutely correct me. But the bottom line is that they don't have a traditional marriage, and they haven't always been a monogamous or they won't always be monogamous, or they aren't always monogamous, and they've had other actual relationships and are talking about it and judging, like, isn't it honestly their relationship and their business And they're still together. I talk to people on here all the time about successful relationships. They've been together for years. They have a nice family, they have nice kids. They're choosing to be together. They're choosing to stay together, They're choosing to live their own lives. They have an open family conversation six ends up in divorce. So who the hell is going to judge the way someone wants to do something? Like, it's their business. They could do whatever they want. They could bring an act girls into the relationship. They could cross dress, they could spank each other, hang from swings, go on vacations, have orgies. Can't they do whatever they want? Isn't it their marriage and their choice and their relationship. Aren't people allowed to live their own lives? You know? I I did a whole thing about parents bathing their kids, and and and said, am I weird because because I bathed my child? You know? And I guess because maybe because it's a pandemic and it's not clean and people were judging that, which I can understand more, I guess. But like, if it's working for you, do it? If people do what is it co sleeping where the whole family sleeps in the bed, Okay, live your life. Um, people breastfeed till very old ages. I mean, you know that could be that's involving another person and a kid could be shamed and that could be a different story. You know. Um, but but can people have the marriage that they want to have, Like, aren't they allowed to make their own rules? Life is hard enough, marriage is hard enough. Being together with some for decades cannot be easy. It's the same person, and it can grow and you become a partner. But when someone's sick, I bet you they're both there for each other. When they have a big family event, I bet they're both there for each other. And um, when the ship goes sideways. They have a partner and they have a teammate. You don't have to you don't have to have a one size fits all relationship, partnership, business partnership, parenting style, anything like can't you just live your own goddamn life? When there's a success rate of marriages, everyone should chime in and talk about Will and Jada's marriage. My guest today is Kristin Chenowith. She is a doll. She is honest, she is a good person, she is funny, she is talented, she is tiny but tough, Broadway legend actress, singer, Tony Award winner, Emmy winner, and philanthropist. I am such a fan of hers and all that she does. She has a body of work that's been defined by the combination of her extraordinary talent and NonStop work ethic. She's someone who is often underestimated, but learned from an early age how to use that to her advantage. While she has many iconic roles, her own career highlights surprised me. Kristen's openness and honesty in this interview will show you why her friends insist that, after all her fame, she's still just Christie from Oklahoma. Enjoy So, Um, what is the part of your career that really truly is who you are the most, that defines you? If you had to give up all of it, what would be the one thing that you would would keep. You can only do one thing in this career. Um, I mean, I love I love making TV shows, and I love I love theater obviously as you know. But probably and you're gonna understand this concertizing because I'm not Beholden. I'm not playing a role. People get to see who I really am. I get to say through music what I want to say. It's my authentic truth. And what I've discovered is it might not be for everyone. But if you're a drug along by your wife or your husband, or your son or your daughter to one of my shows, you will people say, I get to know you, and now I can't even get mad at you because that's your truth. If if you're saying in your business and your music and your whatever company you run, you're authentic truth, people might not not everybody, is what I'm trying to say. Again, I love it, but it's they can't get too mad at it. Well, I think what you're saying, Yes, people, I am polarizing. People love me, people hate me, but they believe me. They know that I'm telling the truth. That I'm telling my truth. So you're liking the connection like you're just it's same as me. This is my favorite thing to do because it's communication and connection. And as a talent, I assume that you're always just in some sort of a box, in some sort of a six minute sound bite interview, having to promote something, to get into something, to get out of something. It's like directing traffic. You're not able to just breathe and be authentically yourself playing roles too. And also you again, I'm speaking to you because of you're an entrepreneur and you're constantly I'm sure it's hard for you to turn your brain off like me at night. But people don't understand that. I don't wake up shooting glitter and rainbows and unicorns like life's hard. And nobody wants to hear that from me. Nobody wants to hear that from me, nor they believe do they believe it? But I know that I have sacrificed and I have missed death, birth, wedding anniversary. Um, I have missed some big things, big things in my family that and I have not. Also, I've been there as much as I can because we're very close. But it's a sacrifice. It is a sacrifice. It is a sacrifice with your family, with your spouse, with your children, if you have children with I don't have children, but I had children. Does that make sense? I have cousins and people I take care of, and um, the fact that what I've learned is I wake up if I'm going to go do something, if I'm going to go do a movie, like tomorrow I'm shooting a movie, I'm gonna I don't know what kind of day it's going to be for me. I dell with chronic pain. I might say, hey, guess what, y'all, today isn't my best day. I just want you to know so that I'm not like good practice, so you can at least say it and let it. I like that. But also I think when you just said you've sacrificed a B and C. I think you know, if you're present, you are as much an entrepreneur as you are. Uh. If you're you're not. If you're you're not a parent per se, but you're a parent to these other people and you take care of other people. But I am as much an entrepreneur as I am a mother. It's they both define me. So you have to be present in both. You can't go show up to shoot tomorrow and do half ass. And you also can't be a friend or uh, you know, do philanthropy, which I know you do half asked. Either. You have to just say I'm doing this to the full extent. And that sort of tends to be a balance that I think most people don't create. They feel so guilty all the time. We feel so guilty all the time, pulling and tugging and worrying and obsessing, And so I think that that's a good practice to feel just present in what you're doing and doing it to the best of the ability of your ability, or don't do it. Yes and anything I put my name on just like you, I'm not going to do it half ass. I actually people say to me, just voted in tonight. I don't know how. If I could, I prib might, but I don't know how. My father I had a a very um strong and amazing father who went through a lot. He had, he had a company, he lost his company, he built himself back up. I watched that growing up and I thought, you know, my parents are engineers. They don't sing. They never should sing. I don't do a math, but I'm telling you it is. I'm also adopted, so it's a great match. God knew what he was doing when he put us together because I've learned the business part of show from my father. Interesting and the show is what I do. Well. Yeah, you can have a career like yourself without being a business person, which is one of the things I want to get into. So growing up in Oklahoma, that's where you're from. Yes, how long were you there? Uh? Since third grade? And did your family have financial struggles where you relatively fortunate. What's the relationship to work and money in your in your background, in your d n A, not in your DNA, but in your your your nurture environment. Yeah, my mom was a homemaker, my dad owned worked to own a company channel with construction. And then when I was about in the ninth grade, Um, some business dealings went awry and instead of uh collecting bankruptcy, he said, filing for bankruptcy. Yeah, he said, Kristen, don't ever do that. Pay your people and if you have to move and you have to sell your car, you do it. Don't you screw your people? Sorry? And um, then I saw that, and then I saw him. I mean he was humbled. You know, we had nothing, then we had stuff, and then we had nothing again. And then right before I went to I had that a lot too. Okay, so you understand. So you know the value of that all or you definitely have made money in your career. But I assume that you don't mind spending, but you can't stand wasting, can't stand getting ripped off. It's one of my like I have to you know, I'm a person of faith, so I have to go Jesus take the wheel. So I don't lose my freaking mind right now, because no one man had and I can't have it, you know exactly. And you must have money noise because if you grow up in a situation, I grew up at the race track, a lot of gambling, a lot of degenerates drugs. We had cars in the driver then we had nothing. There was one room. My rooms decorated, but we ate off a card table. So very highs and lows and gambling and like very degenerate lifestyle, like a Vegas type kid style. So that's action. It's highs and lows. So I I have money noise. I probably will to the day I die. You just you just it's coming, it's going. If you buy something you feel anxiety about, you have to make up for it. So how do you must have that? If you buy something? Okay, here's what I do. This is sick, a little sick, but my my therapist says it's okay. I love shoes. I love fashion. So if I'm going to get a pair of shoes that's pricey, I feel that I have to go and do a job to get it right. I understand. Or you have to. If you buy something, it has to be for something that you just did, a deal that you just signed. It has to be a signed It's a treat. Yeah, it's a treat I understand well. And it comes in ways of my daughter and if I if I buy her something, we have to donate two things. And I love that you're teaching her that I had a mom very similar. I didn't have the same upbringing as you, but I had a mom who was there and at no, ma'am, yes, ma'am, you can. We can have this. But we're going to donate every Thanksgiving. I mean, I'm not saying this to be like, but every Thanksgiving, even tough ones, we would have our meal and then we would give. We would get make a meal for somebody else that needed it. And I'm really really that's a practice I keep. And you know, Ethan, m I am not perfect, okay, I, but I do try. I do have a sensitivity too to people who are struggling, who are who are going through her times. I have a sensitivity to it. I see people with addiction, I see people with with um you know, splitting of the family. I in my within my own family, I see and I just and I I think, especially during the pandemic. Bethany. I've been like, okay, would it think about what you're how you're going to help and this isn't this again, This I am not. You're not patting yourself on the back. We know you're just talking about something. Yeah, I know, And I just think the more we can help each other. If this time hasn't taught us anything, then I don't know what it has taught us. I know, but it's weird because, um, you know, I was talking to my fiance. We were talking about just cars because one of us needed to get a car, and he was saying, I feel guilty that this is an expensive car. Thinking about what's going on in the world, Like there's a level. It's okay to have nice things and work hard, but then there's a level and you're looking at what people don't have. And I you know, I'm doing an initiative for the homeless in New York because it's an example. It's happening all over the country, but it's an example of a city where everybody thinks it's the Roaring twenties and it's back because the clubs are open and then and the restaurants are open and luxury goods are flying out of stores. The disparity is dangerous. What's going on is homeless people are aggressive and desperate. I've had two interactions, bad ones, okay. And then you have billionaires, and the culture right now is is to be a billionaire. Everybody wants to be a billionaire. Everybody wants to be rich. All we hear about is the stories of that. And so it's a real screw up because the disparity is too great, the separation will lead to like serious anarchy. I feel the same when I've been trying to support Broadway, and I have been. I've been going to everything I can to see and and I'm back on the road myself. I do well on the road, and I don't I don't worry about selling tickets. People are still scared to come out. And New York, though we're coming back, we are still in a pandemic people I know, and every city. But as I talk about New York, I'm hearing it's obviously. San Francisco is having a challenging time. California, everybody is. The whole thing is crazy the South. Listen, if I don't get my people, and when I say my people, I say that would love If they don't are understanding, and they're starting to get there, they're starting to get there that we need to be. I'm sorry if you're not a vaccination person, or if anyone is listening is not. This is my opinion. If we don't get vaccinated and we don't wear our masks, we will not We will be living with this for a long time. Your child, my kids that I take care of are the ones that suffer the most because we're adults, Bethany, We've had if in tomorrow. Aren't we grateful? Aren't we thankful? These kids are going to school, masks are learning how in my case there, I just did a masterclass at um Indiana University. They're learning how to sing with their masks on, and I'm like, oh my god, that's insanity. I want to hear about who you act really are. So how did you how did you create this career? Like, how did what was this trajectory to get to be so successful? And what was your real big break and sort of the best decision or the road you chose to go down that got you on the right path to being successful at this level. When I was little, I knew I wanted to do ballet. I really wanted to be a ballerina. No, not a lot of people knew that. But I was so petite and so little that and I had flat feet. I could turn, but I couldn't jump anyway, Ballet taught me all forms of dance. Ballet is like the core of all dance. Then in church, I was about eight, and I got a solo and I sang, and the church erupted, and I went, I like this feeling. Um. I don't know if that's narcissism or not, but I like that feeling, and that's connection. Connection, And then I thank you. And then I was in the Nutcracker and I was too listen to this one. I was too small to fit in the mouse costume. So I think about that. So the teacher said, you're going to be create the role of the rabbit. I said, I want to create a role. I want to be. But what what I didn't know then and what I know now is I have created more roles than I have fit in. So the things, the things that made me different, and this is who I am, the things that made me. I'm four leven. I don't lead with that, but it's just the way God made me. I sound like I'm Betty Boop. I answered the phone, people ask for my mother. Um, I've accepted. You know all the things about me that people said, You're never gonna make it. And I went, there's that thing. Whether you call it God, universe or your gut, my my mine is God. So God said, Kristen, be paid. I'm not done with you. Just be patient. I went to school. My dad did whatever he could to get me to the one of the best music schools in Oklahoma, Oklahoma City University. And I want to say that because a lot of famous people have graduated from there, and he did. And it was a private university school, so even more money. And he got me there and he said, and I were. I thought, if he's going to sacrifice for me, and my parents are going to sacrifice me, I'm gonna work my butt off. I spent every waking moment in a practice room. I spent time on all my languages because I was an opera major um And then I went to I was accepted Acady Me of Vocal Arts when I was right after grad school, which they take about five six people a year, and it's a very expensive it's the best opera conservatory we have in our country. And right before it, I went to New York and audition Verse show and I got it. Now, it doesn't always happen that way. I just went to help my friend in Power Old You. I was twenty two and I went to help my friend move in, and I thought, I just want to go because I was a dancer too, and obviously I'm an actor first. But I went to the audition to see what it was like, and then I had a decision to make. So my career and myself personally, even in my personal life, have had forks in the road. Forks in the road. Are you gonna go this way? You're gonna go this way? You're goo go this way? You're gonna go this way. On the back of my refrigerator, there's a thing that my dad gave me and I have it printed. It says, take up one idea. Make that idea your life, think of it, dream of it, Live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body be full of that idea and just leave the other ideas alone. This is the way to success. Now. I have many things that I love to do and he said, just you can add the sas. But if you love something and you want to do it, I I love to do it. And the day that I don't want to do it anymore, Bethany, I won't. That's so funny that you say that. I feel the same way. And I also feel that it's you know, for some people, there's I don't want to say a desperation because I don't. I don't know Jon Rivers. I didn't know her, but in her documentary she defined her life by the calendar being full, and I don't if it's full, it's not full, I don't care. I'm happier when it's not full. When the tables go cold, I'll I'll walk out of the casino. I won't be gripping on with both hands to just try to be something and be successful and be It's just you. Just when it feels good, it feels good, and if it doesn't feel good anymore, you don't do it. Um But you had, whether it's God faith or for you it was God and faith, But for other people it was in your gut. It sounds like you knew you you can't know because you don't know how the story is going to it. And but in your mind and body, you in your heart, you knew you had it. You knew you had something special, that we were going to go all the way. And I think people have to really clear their minds and souls and the other ideas like the your refrigerator says, and and just stick to that. Like if you feel it inside, that's your best friend, is your inside voice. I love that also too. We have to find the balance right. Another part of me Bethany, and I'm not I didn't mention this is um. I like to go to Target. UM. I like to eat a chain paid restaurants. I like seven Loven slurpees. I like to bedazzle. I like reality TV as you know fashion. I like to read. I I like to take a I'm a I'm a little bit of a nerd. I don't need to go out and party. I like parties, but I'm a no. I like to bedazzle, like I color. During pandemic, I've been taking intricate coloring books with a very fancy sharpener because of course I can't do it anything halfway, and I'm coloring me. I I like that stuff, So I'm not You're not defined by celebrity. What you're saying is you have a whole, whole life. You have a very full life. Your your life does not does not revolve around your career. It happens to be an element of who you are as a woman, and there are many other elements which I totally get. I like the connection, I like the communication. I like the laughter, I like the joke, I like the comedy. But I don't like to ever go out. I don't like to be outside of pajamas. I like to go on vacations with my fiance so I can like look like I get dressed up and put makeup on and take a picture of it and pretend that that's like what we do all year. But I am the same as you in that regard. I philanthropy, my daughter, pumpkin picking, just being at home with the dogs. I'm a very extreme homebody, so me too, and write dog is my Everything. Can I just interrupt you and tell you something that you did that really inspired me. I think it's important that we as women tell um, I've watched you on the Housewives. I I am a dedicated not so much anymore um with New York, but I'm a dedicated housewife watcher. UM. But when you took the planes and took the money and took the food to exactly who I told Jill, our mutual friend. I said, if I could do that, I would get on a plane with her right now and do that to me. You were done with the show, then well thank you, but you'll like that. It's like a Honestly, it's it functions like a business. It's just that a PC goes to the people. But I treated exactly the same way. So every time I feel passionate about um right now, it's a homeless issue. It was the Ppe issue, it's the hurricanes, it's the earthquakes. If I feel passionate about and I feel like a Haiti We've just done five million dollars to Haiti, a lot of money to Louisiana. It's something I've gotten a skill set for. It's just like your craft. I've literally have a have a skill set for this work to be able to mobilize, organize, execute, implement, communicate, be transparent, get the money and a d percent goes to the people. But it's we have an organized warehouse. I mean, it's it's a very It's like a business, it's just, you know, a charitable business. So not for me. I have a charity to a theater in my hometown where I have a camp for kids who you know, and it's a business. It's not. It's yeah, but it's more important because you can't make any mistakes. Everybody's watching you. Even more because there's so much scandal in philanthropy and there's so much misconception and lack of transparency and wasted money and people don't know where their money is going to that it's really important that people know exactly where every single solitary center is going. And people don't have money now to be giving. So so um so you're four eleven, you're this cute sweet doll. So I wonder how that is with you being you know, tough, being a little Do people just think, oh, you're just cute. Let her just sit in the corner and look pretty. Yeah, I think, especially especially when I first started out and then my secret weapon wasn't when I opened my voice to sing color tur Esprano. But then what happened. I think it started when I was about thirty five. Maybe I became aware that that was my sniper from the side excuse me for that expression. It was my secret weapon. Um, people don't expect me to have a brain. I do have a master's degree and a doctorate, and I do. I do enjoy using that when when it's um m hm, I got that. Maybe that doesn't make me. Maybe I'm showing not the nicest side of me. But when someone um treats me really stupid, my mom says, you know you can destroy somebody with and and do it with a with a smile. Oh it's crazy, But I will say and very eloquently, what I know. And I'm not a genius, but I have been to the barbecue, picnic and the rodeo. Are you a business person? Are you good at business? Do you do you or do you build a team around you to be able to sustain this? What? And do you consider yourself a brand? And if so, what is the brand and what are you building towards? So interesting, Um, that you're asking me about branding. Let me start with the people around me. I've hired very, very wise people around me, and we do the best we can. Sometimes I don't make the right but lots of times I do. You know, how I trust the most is my my father, and he's the one that told me one time in a contract because I always want a sixteen footer Steinway when I'm doing concerts, and if I don't get that, then I get reimbursed before that rental of that piano. And he said, hey, did you check this contract? And I said, yeah, yeah, I read it. I read it. And he he goes, yeah, you didn't really read it, because you're not getting You're not you're not getting the pianos. So he So I know, I'm fifty three years old, but I still I'm lucky enough to have a father who was in business and I can run everything by him. Now I also have a kick ass business manager. Um, but ultimately I'm the boss and I have to make and I have to make the decisions. And I think I'm doing pretty well. I don't like business, like like I don't like you said, you know, that's where you I I like the getting out there and performing in different languages and trying to slay an audience. And I like to play a part that's challenging, and I like to do albums and I like to do TV and stuff like that. That's where I get off. But business is part of it. And I if I'm not, I have gotten better? How's that I have become wiser and gotten better. I'm sounding like I'm bragging. I don't mean to. I'm just saying I've grown. I know you you like the show, but you don't love the business. But that's very important to know what you know and know what you don't know. You may have you've learned it like learning case law over the years and the mistakes that you've made. But I'm just very much I am a business person because I'm the idea person, the the marketer, the executor, and I have a good business sense, but I'm not good at the weeds, the business contract weeds and things like that, and it's it can really screw you. It's the one thing I tell the listeners all the time. You have no idea. I have a couple of things now that I that I just didn't think of every single thing in contracts and it ends up costing you money. So if you learn anything, you must think of anything that could possibly happen. Because it's just my things are very entangled. It's a whole web. This this this career that that you and I and if you start you find yourself, like am my pessimist because I'm going, what else? Just do the worst possible case scenarios every time. But no, it's just that you're protecting yourself because who wants to pay for stuff that you don't want to that that was a mistake and I'm doing it. I do it. I do it a lot too much? Do you? Um, what have been your biggest like biggest successes and your biggest mistakes? Like so, I hate to say failures, but I've learned more from my failures and my successes. But things where it's just like, wow, I really screwed that up, or wow, that was nailed that. You know that that kind of thing, um, you know, it will never happen the way it happened the first time I was I was um on Broadway and you're a good man, Charlie Brown. And the review was you know, back back when. And I think the New York Times still people still read it and reviews still account. But in my business, influencers and and different things like that have changed. Okay, it changed the business. But the New York Times could open it and close the show. And these reviews came in, all of them, not just the times. And it was my life changed overnight. And I think it's because I was. I had prepared and I had prepared vocally and and and technically for it, but I wasn't quite ready for the overnight change. Um. I've had a lot of great friends in my life have helped me be like, like, you're still Christie from Oklahoma, just like, don't worry about it. Um. But that was it will never happen like that again. Winning the Emmy that was the time. It will never happen like that again. But for me, the things that I feel that are the biggest things are not the things that I mean. Wicked is Something and West Wing and Glee, those are the people people you know, they go that that that But for me, UM, getting to do for me, um the opera Candid within New York Philip Pops, and and and filming it for great performances things like that, that is where I really go. I was in my prime. I got to sing the way I was trained to operatically and be funny and play a dream role. Um. Last time I was on Broadway, I planned a dream role on the twentieth Century. It's not a It's not a show that a lot of people know, but these are the ones that I look at and go I did. I accomplished that that I was so hard. It was so hard. The hardest role for any woman is that show, and I accomplished it. So those are the ones that And then in my personal life, UM, it's not been as easy, okay, And I don't mind talking about it. I think I should talk about it because I want other women to understand that I didn't feel that for the longest time, I deserved to have the great career and a great relationship. I thought it had to be one or the other. I didn't understand that you could actually if you if you're very if you're very selective. And I've had some great guys in my life, but they weren't the right ones until last week. You're a gauge. Congratulations, thank you last week? Last week? Wow? Oh my goodness? Where? When? Why? How? What happened? Um? I met him at my niece's wedding. He was playing the guitar. He's a Nashville musician. You know what is important. I'm an alpha female. He is he trust me. He's a man, but he is a balance, got it. He keeps me kind of like when I get my panties in a lot, I have the same relationship. Okay, you're the peacock. You can't have to two people jumping off the page. He's he's right. He doesn't want to steal, lie, cheat, He wants to love me and just build me up and and still do his gigs right. He's secure in his own skin. Yeah, and it's been three years and I never thought it would happen. I've been the runaway bright twice and I finally went, Okay, God, I'm listening. This is the person and I'm very happy. Ah, that's so nice because I was going to ask. And usually it's two people who have been married for decades, which doesn't mean that their relationship is perfect. And I, you know, certainly haven't had perfect relationships in my life, but um, and I don't think there is one. But what is uh your definition of success in relationship? For? Is it um that you you you each have your own identity and that you're ultimately just a partnership. If it's important to them, it's important to you. What are your things that get you through? And do you do therapy? What do you think about relationships? Like what's your take. Those things that you just said are really important partnership. Um, when when I know Josh something's important to him, I'm gonna I'm gonna do my best when he when he knows I'm under the gun. And I sorry, I keep using these expressions that are no longer okay. You have to forgive me, and your listeners have to give me because I'm still learning. No. I know, I said it doesn't jive this morning, and I thought to myself, am I getting in trouble because of saying the word jive? Like I don't know. We don't know everything. So people will forgive you know, they've we've been saying things forever that we don't even know if it's right. The blind leading the blind. That's not nice. I mean, nothing's like one stone. I mean yeah, I know, I know I say that too, oh to my daughter, and I'm like, I don't want to kill birds. It's you don't. You'd have to be studying all day all to learn everything that's wrong. I want to be in on that because now in baseball, I'm a sports lover. Um. You know, I was engaged to a baseball player a long time ago. A left handed picture and now you can't say they're warming up at the bullpen anyway. Yeah, that's a whole thing. Like we all have to get a couple of strikes before we get it right, because that's probably gonna Yeah, you don't know anyway. All right, So you were talking learning. Um, he here's my thing I didn't realize and maybe this is where I failed in my relationships in the past. Compromise. Compromise is a very important word to have endearance for your relationships. Compromise, um, And I think that's what you were saying earlier. It's like, if I know that watching the Arkansas Old Miss game is important for him, and I want to watch, you know, the Housewives, I'm gonna stay and I'm gonna watch. You know, he's gonna I'm going to do that. If I need quiet time to focus and get into my Carnegie Hall concert, He's gonna give it to me. Compromise. If if something comes along and I have a huge job and somebody were too God forbid, passed away in his family, everything's dropped, I will go and be with him, and he would do it for me. Yeah. And also I feel that, you know, people say this and it doesn't sound because we're also older, you know, I I'm we're both over fifty. And when you're younger, you thought it was something. The prince was coming and they were in the big dress and that's all that mattered, and the carriage and you know everything was gonna be great, and then you're just gonna be glued to the other person, co dependent for the rest of your life and live happily ever after. I mean, it's just when you have a relationship when you're older, it becomes terms and like sort of constructs that are not as sexy, meaning you're ultimately negotiating. It's not it doesn't sound sexy, but you're saying, like, okay, this you really want to do this. My fiancy calls it wants and needs, like what what do I This is what I want, but this way I need, Like that's not negotiable, and you'll say, like, I really want to do this, you really want to do this. And then sometimes if you're just breaking down and you need to do something for yourself, you have to just say like this is now affecting my health, so I have to do it this way, I mean, and then the other person understands and it just becomes because sometimes in the beginning of relationships, you sort of are battling to be who you always were and and and and hold what's yours and hold who you are, and you do want to do that, but it's also important to know that that person is doing the same thing. So you have to find a way for those two concepts to come together, you know, like I said, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take that and gonna rewind it because and I think all people in relationships should because that's what we are doing and it's working. Yeah, And I don't think I could have ever been before a person who really says, like, we don't fight, But it not that we don't disagree or bigger, it's that fighting is on. You're fighting, You're like, you don't say things you don't mean, and fighting doesn't get you anywhere. You're You're you're you know your partners of the person you're in the foxhole. So it's good to be older and learned. And it's you know, funny because I have an assistant who's in her twenties and all her friends are getting married and she gets worried that, you know, they're all getting married. I go, this is one group. Like I don't mean to say this to be rude, because they may all be married forever. But I had a group of twenty two when I got married, and they all got married and they're all divorced because everybody just wanted everyone else had, and everybody was in one little bubble like you the whole entire world. Focus on your life and your career. It's all going to happen, but you think this is all real right now, and it's not all necessarily real. Doesn't mean twenty six year old marriages don't work. It just means there are many different roads to rome. So I just think it's great that you're having a relationship at this age. And it's not that easy to not be selfish at this age because you've been doing it your way, your survivor, and you've done it on your own, so that's harder to you know, let your guard down and be in a relationship. So it's good at your sort. And I've had to Bethany like, I'm not going to do that. I'm not doing that. I'm not going to go in the middle of nowhere and stay in Nowhere's Ville, and I'm not going to do that because of what I've become accustomed to. But guess what, I'm doing it and turns out not so bad. Come love it. Also, you said something about earlier and I wanted to go because it kind of goes into this a little bit. Help me make the connection. It's called branding. Now. I didn't grow up knowing what branding, what doing branding because we didn't have social media and we just did talent right and kids. Today, I do a lot of master classes. When I come into a town to do a concert. I I go to colleges and I hear what they say, and they The question I get most asked is gifts. How do I become a stock? And I say, I don't know. All I know is if you if you work your butt off and you want to do this, then it will land where it may. But if you want to be a star, I don't know, go make a sex video. I don't I don't know. I don't know how to go. That's the frosting. That's the frosting, that's not the cake. It's not the right thing to be saying. And the one thing I'll say that everybody on this show has said that is successful except for one person, and as has meant, it's never been about the money. They have, the passion they have, the drive. Wolfgang Puckey has one house. He said, he is one house. He doesn't want more. He never sold his brand because he didn't do this for money. He likes the passion. Cheryl's ships Cheryl Sandberg came from an academic household, like it was never about money. It was about you know, passion and just needing to help people, you know, have access to education and just it's fascinating people who it's fool's fame is fool's gold. Being a star is fool's gold. That's the frosting. It's not real, No, and you're still the same person, just everybody else thinks you've changed. I think Rosie o'donnald said that years ago that she felt a certain amount of emotional pain because she was the same exact person, but everybody else had changed. And you know, we're flawed people. And if you're flawed and you're famous, it's harder because everybody wants you to be on this pedestal, which is why it's better to be honest, because it seems very challenging for these people that are constantly having to be perfect on Instagram and filtering, and they want everybody to think they're so rich and perfect and their relationships are perfect, and that seems insustained. I don't know how you could live like that, having to look perfect every time you leave the house. I actually put on a little bit of makeup for you today, but I most of the time where I had in the mask, and then by the way, the mask are right for us, we just put the mask on and I don't wear I don't do it for me. Being turning fifty was not I didn't care about the number. I didn't care about the concept, but having a daughter and thinking about age and having certain medical things that having to get have a mammogram scare last week and have the second mammogram, having uh, this dentist uh, this negligent case where they told me I needed a crown ground my tooth to the bottom and then couldn't put a crown on for a week, and then I needed an emergency root canal. All of these things are not about what they're about. But you're just like, wait a second, I don't have teeth anymore, Like I meaning that ground down tooth. I'm not getting that toothback. Like second mammogram scam assists on your over like you start to think about things differently because you're over fifty. So it's just your like, your car has more than fifty thousand miles on it, thinks it's gonna start going wrong and that will give you insecurity. It's not about vanity for me. It's just that, like, the goddamn car has to be serviced more and it still isn't gonna get back to being a new car. So that's how I feel about over fifty. And everybody who's on Instagram wearing hot bikinis and you know, looking great with their big extensions still feels that way and getting pregnant of fifty five please yeah, but there's still they are still a car that is over fifty miles on it. It's just that no matter how good they look on Instagram, they still have there's still a vintage car. So how do you feel about all this? First of all, a little I do need to say this because it comes into my insecurity. My fiance is almost almost fourteen years younger. I want to remain as as good as I want to remain my possible best as long as I can. However, I too have had I where we Josh is listening laughing. Last week I had a amogram scared too, and I've had that for three times and we have to watch it carefully. I do all my liver stuff, and I have like this weird thing. I don't mind sharing. Um, it's just a it's a humaitoba. It grows, it grows as you age and you're it's it's benign, it's nothing, but it's in my liver. I don't drink, so it's like, um, like it's nothing, it's it's just a thing. I'm a former dancer, so when I get out of bed every day, I can't my feet. The bottoms of my feet are like knives. So it's not about yes, I want to look good, but I don't need to look twenty. I don't even want to look thirty or forty. When people say you're fifty three, I'm gonna go thank you, Yes I am. But things are going south if I don't work out, and I hate working out because I danced my whole life. I hate Jim's the things are happening to my body that I'm like that. I could usually work out in two weeks and then be like, oh I I again, No, no, no, it's not the same, and the blow it is different and it's weird, and someone you just feel like an alien and you're not sure why. And then just the little thing of being in the shower and you can't read the goddamn shampoo bottle and is not making you feel sexy, like you're like, I don't know if it's a shampooor conditioner. The fucking font is ridiculous. And I have a fiance. He was nine years younger, which isn't four team, but I just say, and he looks like a child. He looks like he's eighteen years old. I'm like, put some fucking baby oil on, go outside, burn your face. Start aging. Now. He sleeps like a baby. He wants to go to bed at ten o'clock. Like this is not funny. So it's not gone like you start. I'm gonna definitely keep aging because I don't sleep and I'm a maniac. So something has to give here. Otherwise you're gonna look twenty and I'm gonna look nineties. So the gap has to be bridged. Okay, eat crap, start drinking lots of alcohol. Do something. You look like a beautiful baby with perfect skin, and you have gorgeous hair, and it's not fucking going that great, so I won't let him shape he has. I'm like, Dareshave, you look twelve, and you know, for a long time I looked young and then all of a sudden it wasn't fifty. It was like a year ago, maybe during the pandemic, where I went, oh my god, I look like the lady getting out of the tub at the Shining Right. I understand because you Finn, but I know that look. You're like, Hi, I look like there's something about Mary. I know. I got the whole thing, believe me. We we we agree. So so that's the physical part. And then but so you're not that, you're not that vain. You just want to like try once in a while to like hit it out of the park. I want people to go, WHOA, right, then once in a while, just like right, it still looks pretty good, got it? But it doesn't define you. You're not trying to be holding on and you're not. It never did because I was always little, no one to know. I'm not complaining. I'm just saying, no one took me seriously. I never I never lead with my looks. Ever, I I never did I lead with what I could offer musically. Well, that's a great thing to say to people, because that's the thing. We're all going to get older, and if you have if you focus on your brain and being well. This woman said to me, you're us ago, we were young, we're in our twenties New Year's Eve. I want to look like the hottest girl there tonight on New Year's Eve? I said, And why wouldn't you want to be the most interesting woman there? So just be interesting, stand out, use your personality. You know, we have humor, we have passion for every hot for every hot girl, there's a guy stick and tired of fucking ers what they say, meaning you cannot just rely on your looks. Do you remember the movie I'm sorry, I'm going off things, but do you remember the me with Michael Douglas and Archer who was beautiful and Glenn Close who was also pretty fatal attraction. It's it's like, why would you cheat on an Archer? What do you mean Fisher Stevens? And and why would you cheat on Michelle Pfeiffer. We're all going through the same stuff, so you know, there's a lot that goes that goes into it. Yeah, I couldn't believe that one. And I saw him on Succession and I was like, wait, that's the man I know. But he's a wonderful actor. And I'm sorry, Fisher Steed, and I hope you come in the podcast and don't take it wrong because you're lovely. We love you, Fisher. You made a mistake a long time ago. Don't worry about it. We love you, Fisher. We're sorry. I don't want to be canceled for Fisher Stevens. It just maybe it's not even true. But if it's true, one day there is a person who's probably cheated on, you know, Michelle Peiffer, and and that's that's scary. It doesn't feel good exactly. It's not all about Look, so this may or may not be a relevant question, and we can finish after this because you may have answered it. But your rose and your thorn of your career. My rose is easy. It's my favorite relationship and maybe this is why I'm in therapy, is the relationship between the artist and the audience. I love it. Because if you listen as an artist, you can they will tell you. They will speak to you and tell you what they like and what they're responding to. And I also like to be in the audience to watch. I was at six last night, Go see It. I also saw Tina go see it. Um. My thorn is I have a disease and um it's called the nears, and it is this. They're all cousins. Epilepsy, vertigo and migraine and um. Of all things to have as a performer, like things that trigger it, our flashing lights. So the night I won the Emmy, I you know, and migraine, so I went to the hospital. Um that's oh my god, that's my thought. That's my thorn. But it's worth it. A lot of people have crocess to bear. A lot of people have way worse crap than I do. Um. I deal with it with a low salt diet. I sleep on an incline. I also have t MJ. So I have to sleep within mouth guard. No, I have a mouth guard too, and you need to get the gummier one because I've been using the thin ones and the gummier ones are more protective. I felt like I was getting. I didn't use it for a while. You don't know about that. Know, everybody thinks that I've had I have not a plastic surgery, and I will one day. I have not had any. Okay, no, yeah, listen, I'm not. I have not had plastic surgery. I apologize everybody that says that I disappoint them. I would tell you if I did. I have not had plastic surgery anywhere. People tell me, okay, but people think I had reconstructive facial pet plastic surgery because I had jowls. Because years and years the dentist tell me to get a night guard. I ignored them. And it's building up a muscle. It's like a bicep curl. Botox in your jaw is what releases it. It started in Asia. You botox and it releases the muscle. And it made my You can't do it in one day. It's like a gradual thing, but it made my face completely different. Because my whole life I've ground and my whole life I had this, these jowls, this this jaw, and I mean we have it get there. Yeah, So just everybody know that that's a serious thing, and grinding is a serious thing, and wow, um, this was an incredible, incredible, incredible conversation. I'm so glad Jill introduced us. We met once before at a party, but now again, and I'm just so proud of you and I'm so happy that you're engaged and happy. And it sounds like you're YouTube open. Well you too, but being like a work in progress, you're very honest about that, and I think that helps women. And we kept coming back to connection. I keep thinking of like connection spelled with a K for you as a book or as something. But you keep talking about your favorite thing in your life and your career and everything being about the connection. So I just think there's something there for whatever. Thank you for that. I'm going to listen to that because it is the most important thing to me. And I really I'm ending with this because again I'm mad I didn't think of it. The glasses, I know, Well, I'll set set. You'll give us your prescription number, and we'll send you the readers too, because we have tons of amazing readers. If thousands of glasses, it's crazy. Take care of yourself, that cute man. Tell him, I said, to get out in the sun, drink some jack Daniels. All Right, what a wonderful conversation with Kristin channelwith these women have been really really open and interesting. I mean, I'm just remembering back to Susanne Summers and Kelly Rippo, which was one of our highest you know, I don't know if rated or listened to, but I just feel like there's so much to learn from these women, the brook Shields telling their stories. Just I don't know, I just love it. I'm so excited this is really working out so incredibly well. And that was such a beautiful conversation with a woman who is admittedly flawed going through it, not trying to be something she's not. Really wonderful. I'm just so grateful, and my publicist, Jilfritze recommended that she come on and represents her and just wonderful. I just I want to keep having conversations with women like this that are just telling the truth, really no bullshit, wonderful one. Of course, want to back U