Justin Long

Published Mar 3, 2022, 8:00 AM

On not being a bachelor, or The Bachelor. 

You probably know Justin Long from his roles in hits like Dodgeball and He’s Just Not That Into You, but today, B goes beyond what you’ve seen on the big screen. She asks Justin what he learned from a harrowing near-death experience, if he feels pressure to have kids, whether he would ever want to be The Bachelor, and more.

Plus, B shares the latest on what her team is doing in Ukraine and how you can help.

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Just be update. We're now in our second phase of the B strong Ukraine effort. We started off getting to Poland, meeting refugees, assessing the situation, seeing where the needs are, and what we arrived at is that getting refugees out and relocating them and moving them on to other places in Europe or just taking them out of camps to get them relocated locally in Poland is critical. In addition, there's been a food shortage in a medical supply shortage in Ukraine, so we will work with trusted partners and work on trucking and warehouse logistics to get aid and medical supplies back into Ukraine and distribute accordingly. You have to be very strategic about with whom you distribute because it has to be people that are trusted, so the aid will actually be distributed where it needs to go. And also not forgetting people that are far away from main cities. Many times main cities get aid and it's an onslaught of aid and it's an embarrassment of riches where people that are far away from those centralized points really could use it. So that's what we're doing right now. The ten million in aid coming from Miami most of that will go back into Ukraine to distribute for people who need it there. And the five million dollars raised, we've started to allocate that to travel and relocation, and I say five million dollars. By the time you hear this, it will be six million dollars because we've been raising approximately a million dollars a day. So we thank you the fifty dollar donations. Our train ticket out of there for a refugee, two hundred fifty dollars can relocate a family. We are grateful. One hundred percent goes to the effort. You are making a difference. The messaging is working, the connectivity, the information, it's all working. So you have definitely helped and saved people's lives. Our mandate is refugees out and aid in. There's a crisis in refugees exiting, and there's a crisis in people who have stayed, so it's a multi tiered, two pronged effort. Refugees that are leaving many want to linger near Poland because they just feel that they're sort of in limbo and don't know what's going to happen next, and they're not ready to move on. Certain people want to live throughout Europe and move they're refugee camps, they will be overloaded, they will be terrible for the societies that they're in, So getting people out and moving them on will be critical for them and for the societies where these camps take place. They're completely going to be overburdened. Camps are not a viable long term solution. And the ten million dollars from our warehouse in Miami will be coming shipment by shipment and that most of that will be taken into Ukraine to distribute to people who have needs there so shortly simply put refugees out aid in. That's the Ukraine mantra. To donate, go to Bethany dot com, b E t h E n NY dot com, slash b Strong thank you. My guest today is actor, comedian, and director Justin Long. He has a force in the entertainment industry, working on film, TV and voice acting. He's a comedian. You may have seen him in the hit series New Girl, the classic rom com He's Just Not That Into You, and various other productions. While continuing his acting journey, Justin is also the host of his own podcast Today, which I have been a guest on we'll discuss his journey to success in this competitive industry. Welcome our guests. Justin long enjoy Well, I learned everything I knew about this vehicle and genre if I'm doing your podcast, so thank you. Get out of here. I hope we're recording. I hope. I hope you've captured that lie. Yeah, everything I've everything I learned about podcasting I learned in the hour I did. Justin longs I did really enjoy the conversation. You're very curious. Oh good, Well, I don't know if I should thank you for Yeah. I think curiosity is do you do you accept that as a compliment? Maybe? I think, and I think in order to be a good interview, you have to be naturally curious, right, I think so I would imagine. Yeah. I mean, I watch a lot of The Bachelor, and sometimes you can tell when they truly want to get to know somebody. You know, it's it's very clear. That's so true. That's so true, somebody said once on that show recently, it was on this season. She said, She's like it was. It was kind of sack because she had talked about a cousin of hers who had passed away and then she said to the Bachelor, She said, and it remind every time I see fireflies, it reminded me of this memory with my cousin. We used to and I thought she was going to say something innocent. You know, we used to catch them and put them in a jar. And she said, I used to catch them and smash them and rub the I'm not kidding, and rub the the what do you call the the illuminated carcass on my face? She didn't say it like that, but that's what she was talking about, and she thought it was so pretty. And I was waiting for this guy to be like, wait, wait, wait, what do you mean you used to rub the you know, just investigate it a little bit. But he was just like, oh, I'm so glad you shared that, and you know you have such strength for sharing that. And it was while I but I found myself having all of these follow up questions. That's amazing. Do you think the Bachelor is a good place to meet someone? Would you have done it in your younger years? Uh? No, definitely not, because I even though I now have a I have a podcast and often talk about with my brother, so we talk a lot about our lives and we try to avoid any story that might be offensive to a family member or a friend of but so we but we still also try to use stuff in our personal life to talk about, you know, funny anecdotes or whatever. And but back when I was younger, the last thing I wanted to do was share anything about my personal life. I was very protective. I mean I still am to a degree when it comes to other people in my life. So and and and if any of the dates that I've been on had been filmed, I said this recently, we had Michael Theo on our show. He's from a beautiful show, good Love on the Spectrum. I don't know if you've seen it. It's people on the spectrum looking for love, and uh and and it's it's everything the Bachelor isn't you know? It's it's it's they're so pure and kind of unaware in many ways of the cameras. So so there's something really like pure and honest about their pursuit of love that's being televised. And but anyway, I said this to him that if some of my dates have been filmed, I mean, it'd be so cringey. I feel I'd feel so self kindious and so in some ways the people on the Bachelor who are able to do it and really like do it for the right reasons, quote unquote, I I guess I kind of admire. I would just be way too self conscious. I think, well, you have a private energy to me, So are you a private person? Yes? I really cherish my privacy. There's certain things in my life that I yes that I that because so much of my life because I'm a person who is somewhat visible and you know, kind of visible to people in the world, and so I've given up a degree of my privacy and my autonomy, and so whatever I whatever is closest to me, whatever I hold dearest, I try to really protect. Yeah, well where is the line? So in your life, Like I'm I never go I don't really go anywhere. So if I'm going to work somewhere, it's sort of like you're going into a studio, you're going to do something. And I have a fairly private life unless it's something I want to put out there. And things that often I put out there, maybe maybe somebody else would think they're private, but I don't care about those. But then some other weird nuanced things to me, are private. So where's the line for you? And how private is your life capable of being? I mean, how much of your life is a celebrity life and how much it is just like a guy just living his life. I would say the majority is very almost. I know this is not a fun answer, but it's pretty boring. It's it's so normal that, you know, oftentimes I'll meet people and they'll say they'll say a version of that, like, oh you you seem so whatever, normal, as though it were a compliment. And I think people are just expect that. I don't know, I don't know what they expect, but something a little bit more glamorous, maybe something, and I don't it's not funny, be funny. Well, there's that for sure that I don't mind as much as you know, people who think they really know you. And but I the line, where's the line? I think it's people who I think it's my life. I think it's my people closest to me, girlfriends, family, parents, you know, people who didn't necessarily ask to be visible in the world. So you see, you've done so many different things. I actually, in reading it in print, you've worked a ton, you've seems like you've always been working. So do you have a rigid work ethic, because as an actor, you know that could go either way. Some people just sort of show up on set it all works out. Or do you have a serious drive and work ethic and are always looking at the chess board not necessarily not really looking at the chess, but in terms of the bigger picture and what I have to do to maintain a degree of professional whatever relevance. Yeah, no, No, what it is is I love I just love working so much. And I Bethany, this is going to sound like I think, kind of like a should answer, But I I feel so lucky to be able to do what I do. Luckier now, I think the longer I've stayed in it, you know, the luckier I feel because I it's it's I think it's hard to stay in this business and continue to work in this business. So maybe it's the pandemic. For whatever reason, I feel the luckiest I've ever felt to be doing this, and so it uh, it kind of it makes me want to work as hard as as I can. I mean, I I just did a movie in Utah, and you know it was it was a fun silly movie. Vince Vaughan rewrote this Christmas movie like a Hallmark Christmas movie, and so it was really kind of an absurdist, fun r rated look at those movies and and so you you could argue that it's whatever. It's like a month of laughing and joking around. But but I, even even though it was that in tone, I took it. I take it very serious. You know. I take what I do really seriously. I prepare I now more more than I did when I was younger. For sure. I look at some jobs. Sometimes something will be on TV that I've done, and and and I'll regret not having gotten more sleep the night before, regret having gone out. And I was just talking about this last night. How La used to be, you know, almost every night we'd go you know, it was just in my twenties. I would fumes fumes yes, and the next day you don't, you have nothing to give. Yeah, So I feel I feel like I had this, this great opportunity, and it's something I've never want to squander again. I want to, like them, make the most of it. Well, I have a book that's called Business is Personal, Because whenever if somebody says it's not business, it's personal. I'm like, what the hell is more import than than business? You spend so much of your life in business. I think business is very personal. So it sounds like for you the lines are completely blurred. Well they are. And I also really love I like being comfortable at work because I often feel I found that when someone's not prepared, the actors usually that I know, actors, directors, people, professionals who aren't prepared are the ones that tend to be more hostile toward other people and and much less fun to be around. You know, they're the one thing too. Well, yeah, I think that I you know, you can I've seen all. I've seen actors of like a really high stature. Sometimes uh, just not doing the basics, you know, and and you'll see them searching for lines. And then because they're they're insecure about their their lack of preparedness, they they lash out on other people and they throw their weight around. And so I really love being around people. I love working with this crew in Utah was an example of that. Just just I love I don't know, meeting different people, getting to know people and and and being my best around them. I hate when a day goes by where I'm a little like shaky on the lines maybe or a little less certain of what I'm doing, and you beat yourself up a little after about it. You obsessed about it a little well, because it's it's there's there's such a degree, there's it's you know, it's there's a it's permanent. Yeah, sorry too that when when you film something, so I think it's not like a play where you can go back and like, I'll try that again, I'll master that tomorrow, I'll get that tomorrow. It's that's forever. So it's it's also an exciting thing about film. I love that about film, But it's it can be if you're not if you're not doing it properly. Yeah, beat yourself phone sometimes for me, So for me, i'll say it to myself. If it doesn't do well, I don't that's okay. But if I feel that I didn't do well, that's not okay. I mean I could for sure put something out and I just feel like we did the best because we nailed it, and then it flops. I don't give a shit. I give a shit if I feel like it was shoddy and then I feel like we're scrambling and we're driving with no breaks. I hate the feeling of driving with no breaks. Yes, well, you are such a driven person yourself, I mean, like far more so than I am. I mean I go through I definitely at like lethargic and I I love being lazy and you know, getting stoned and just like watching shitty movie. I mean, I definitely go through those. If I do it long enough, it'll make me depressed. And so I try not to keep those periods much longer than you know, a couple of weeks at a time. But you strike me as somebody who is I mean, every day is full? Is that safe to say? No, I stack. I have to restore. I work at such a crazy level and my mind doesn't turn off. It's called I call it activation. My constantly I'm getting activated, so I need to, like it's like a bear that sleeps in the winter. I need to try to restore. Yes, I have to really restore, because my body can't help itself be be activated. We're in a big relief effort now for Ukraine. So I'm activated. So I have to like deactivate and say okay. And it has to be a discipline to do how do you do that? Well, last night I was like, you know, we're working on this thing for the Ukraine, and last night I was like listening to comments and reading things, and I felt myself, I have to control myself because I could do that till four in the morning and be on the WhatsApp chats and these people that are and you Poland right now. So I literally said on Twitter, okay, let's all try to deactivate because it feeds off each other. And I drank a half of vodka and I went to bed at midnight and yeah, but I'm running this down and heads to get my because I don't take anything. I wouldn't take anything to sleep because but I know you don't. Why is that? I just don't like the way anything feels like a film will be on me. I just like to feel fresh. I agree. Have you tried five HTP? No, I don't know what that is. Five HTP has been working for me with in combination with calm gummies. I don't get paid by them, Okay I should. Uh, that's I found very helpful. We have Do you ever try CD CBD, Yes, but I don't know which. It's all like the it's like saying extra virgin olive oils like forty thousand brands. I don't understand the breakthrough the clutter. I'm going to send you something. There's a sponsor for this. They are a sponsor fruit for our show, the CBD company. But anyway, all right, we'll send me great okay. So do you of all of these things, do you like anything the most? And do you what are you getting the biggest personal ROI or the biggest financial ROI? What is like so worth it to do? So you're or you're just always switching lanes. I'm so sorry, Bethany, I feel so dumb. What is return on investment? Your personal investment? Financial investments? Like return? Okay are my biggest ROI. I'm trying. I like the way you speak. You speak in business terms, right, like you could say, listen the podcast I don't make the most money on, but it just rewards me because I get to be or the movies I laughed like an idiot for a month and it didn't make it. Or this makes me so much money and I love it. It's great business Like well that makes sense? Yeah, well okay, when then I would say about the podcast, it certainly don't do not get paid as much as as being an actor, but it is it is the most rewarding in it's it's differently rewarding in a creative way. It's more it's far more personal. So like when somebody I was this, I always think of this when somebody says something to me out in the world about the podcast, and it's often Bethany in passing in like it's often in very off the cuff, like I was this going to this restaurant. Oh, it's so good a roha in La, this great sushi plays. And I and this woman we were taking her table as she was leaving, and as she just passed me and said, uh love the podcast, kind of kind of like it just really thrown away, and I it means so much to me, so I'll I kind of like doubled back toward her and I was like, thank you so much, you know, it's so nice to hear. Whereas when somebody said mentions a movie or something, I have so much less involvement in a movie. You're not being right right right right, So it's for you. It's more and it's an hour of you, per I mean, that's like they're listening to you drone on for an hour. So if they actually like it, yeah, and so it's you're right. So it's it's like them saying I like you as a person. I suppose yeah. And and and my brother and I directed this our first movie, this movie Lady to the Manner. And so when people it's similarly when when they say things about that that meant a lot more. And on the flip side, when when it got you know, it got some bad reviews, that was like a dagger, you know those words you joining off right now exactly they like you versus your work. And it's also good for someone to say I love your work, which is you acting. But that's two different things. Well, that that must have been strange when people would approach you about the show, about the TV show about Real House was and because you know, I imagine that's like you had said something I forget how you articulated it, but that it was a heightened situation. Those were heightened situations. So how do you accept that kind of a compliment, Like, I'm a big fan of yours from that show. Well, like you, it's the comic, comedic timing and being a Greek chorus and so you're talented. It's something and you're on the fly and it's real, but it's in those weird it would be like being good at the groundlings or something. You're good at being in that circumstance and sing funny. But it's not like and I love you, but they might love me for like ripping somebody a new asshole, which is not what I know. So I do every day. So it's a mixed bag. You know, you kind of ala carte men, And then what does it say about them if they love that about you. I love how you tear people down exactly. I love how you do not support other women. It's great. Okay, So do you think you're funny? I do think I'm capable of being funny. I'm capable of being very unfunny, I know, and cheesy and like, you know, it's funny. I I think my humor I don't know what it is if if I'm just getting the older you get. I don't know if you get cheesier. But I found myself getting kind of like laughing at cheesier things, like I laugh at more commercials. You know that commercial with I think it's progressive insurance where they're like, it's it's I don't turn into your parents. I don't become middle of agents. All these young people like you know, and they're complimenting the waiter at being so you know, or they're they're talking about what a great parking space they found. I find mysel self identifying with that commercial. Like the last night Paul sat be a picture of pizza at the supermarket and it was de jorno. Any texted me, he goes, it's not delivery because you know that. Yes, I would do something like that. That's very try. Sometimes I write things on Instagram. I try to be funny on Instagram. I I I love trying to be funny, right Like I like people with whom I can laugh. I think that's like that is the most cohesive uh glue that that in my life. Like when I when I in terms of connecting with somebody, it's it's it's always humor, its sense of humors. Who's the funniest person that you know? Yes, I was talking to Nick Offerman yesterday on our part on Life Is Short, and Nick said that he and his wife Megan Molalley, the way they met was that we were talking about that that that It was immediately through they were doing a play together, and he said, you know, it's just those little, those dumb little bits that you have. He was he happened to be backstage with her and he said, you know, like, look the guy in the front row, he's you know, wearing like this obvious to pay whatever. They would point out things to to kind of laugh about and snicker about. And I found that the relationships in my life have always started there. And the humor. With the humor, I mean, he pointed specifically to being in church, like, like the humor that's slightly dangerous. Yes it's farting in church. Yes it's fake farts in church. That's what like the litmus test of And that happens to be what I find, you know, where I developed a sense of humor. I grew up watching Monty Python and Laurel and Hardy and these these kind of I guess more old fashioned but but really like universally funny things. And there's a lot of physical comedy, and there's a lot of timing and awkward pauses. And I don't know, I just like eight Paul and I every day, do you I'm like a shark, Like every day, we do the same joke about it. You that shark, You're not that land shark. No, Candy Graham, Uh Mine was was Chris Farley and Phil Hartman and those guys in the like Early nine crashing into the tables Dana Carvey. Yes, I mean brilliant like stuff that it still holds up. I mean to meet Laurel and Hardy, I watch and it still holds up. There's there's some chaplain stuff that holds up. I loved uh three's company and John Ritter was was like a hero of mine. So Michael J. Fox was brilliant his timing on family ties. So so you know, those were my touchstones for me. Humor is the number one thing in a relationship. And so i'm it seems like you're the same, uh and you can really diffuse. I mean, I'll say to Paul, I'll go I'll say about somebody they could go fuck themselves. And Paul will say, when I hear you, I hear the Queen like I hear the Crown when I when I hear you, I think of the Crown. Because humor can diffuse so much in a relationship. And those death banter, yes for sure, and it lasts. It outlasts everything I mean in it outlasts any kind of I think physical I mean hopefully not, well maybe not. Maybe you can have them both forever. All right, So I want to switch gears because I was shocked and I don't know that much always about what goes on, and I don't read all of the articles about things. But I was shocked about and I hope you can talk about it or okay talking about this. This a crazy abduction story that you had jumping out of a moving car? Is that like, is that even real? Oh? Yeah, that's really funny. I'm glad you're lying like, oh my abduction. Yeah. Well, I wondered what you were going to say, and I thought it's funny as you were saying crazy abduction story. It was, but I guess I don't think of it that way, even though you're totally right. It's it's just a much more dramatic way of saying it. I guess that than my than how I keep it in my brain. But you're totally right. It was an abduction. It was something that I talked about on just a basic abduction Well it was, I got really it's hard. It's one of those stories that's very hard to nutshell and it's it's a long story. But I told it on Dax's podcast when I did that to help kind of launch our own podcast, and Dax had asked me, this is an example of like we had been talking about earlier, where is the line, you know what, how do you separate the things that you really want to protect in your personal life? And this was one of those things that I had told Dax years ago and kind of forgot it I told him because when it happened, I was telling people, Yeah, I don't know DA's that well, but like I was telling it was such a shocking thing, and it coincided with kind of coincided with a breakup, and so I was going through all these like pretty heavy things and I was trying to make sense of it. And so you just talk about those things when you when you're I wasn't in therapy at the time I should have been. And it seems to real it sounds like, oh, it didn't even its reempt it. You made it up, like my reaction to that, Bethany you I mean, it was in fact an abduction, and yet I'm not able to like you're right. I had this kind of glib reaction. I'm the same as you. I was so similar in high school. I was held at gunpoint and I had to say later on, it's like I made it up. I did not hit up, but it feels like that. So anyway, we're on your abduction. We're not on my gun point. We're on your abduction. At one point during the abduction, I had thought that's what was going to happen to me, because they were It's again, it's a long story, these local guys in Michigan. Basically, this is gonna sound so hard to nutshout. They I smoked with them. I smoked what I thought was weed and it was I think I've told the story to people in like private security, and they said, oh, it was PCPs probably like they're pretty convinced based on my reaction. And my body shut down and my mind stayed active and my adrenals started firing and it was yeah, really like frightening. Uh. And I and to ghetto and they got me in a car and basically to get away, I jumped out of the car. The movie and they knew you were you. They did, and they were saying things like you know, we're gonna make them. Let's make another movie for TMZ or it fortunately was before everyone and now everyone's got these, you know, the camp video video recorders, an old fashioned feel like doc back to the future. Everyone's got these video recording devices. But at the time, it was they were driving me, I think to someone who had a camera, and they were gonna My guess is they were going to probably film me doing something like salacious or in some compromised position. But so I you were just peripherally aware of that, and you had some sort of where withal they were driving. They were in the front seat, I was in the back seat. I could hear them kind of speaking conspiratorially on the phone. And again it's a long story, but basically that's what I at the time, I thought they were gonna shoot me. I thought they were gonna kill me. And you opened a door and ran and get went out of a moving car. Yeah, So what happened was it was there was no one around. It was like three three thirty in the morning and at this small town in Michigan, and uh, and I saw headlights coming and they were going through red lights. Uh. And we were not far from my hotel. But so I knew, I knew roughly where I was, and so I jumped out. I opened the door. I would say it was going thirty you know, thirty thirty five miles an hour, and uh. And when I jumped out, of course, you don't mind on your feet unless you're Spider Man. And so I rolled under the car, and the car rolled over my leg, and and and I got up and we all seeping out of my pen and flag down a cab. And the next day, anyway, the next day, I woke up, you know, in a lot of pain. And but but oddly my leg wasn't broken, the doctor thinks, because I was kind of messed up. You know, I was gonna say, I don't even know if you could have jumped out of a moving car if you weren't sucked up like that takes you know what I mean, Like that's insane. It was weird. It's strange, Buffy, because you like, you know, you're you, you've been in it sounds like a very harrowing situation, and so your brain starts doing, like frantically doing the math, like how do I save? How do I live? How do And in fact, when I when I got up on my leg, which was really gnarled, and it was pretty gruesome looking. I looked down at it, and I remember being I had the strangest reaction. I'm not at all fashion, as you can tell, I'm not a fashion person and I'm not into that stuff. But but but you know, I have that one like pair of jeans that you've just had forever, and it did fit like a glob and and so I looked down and I thought, oh shit, I messed up my jeans. That was the thought I had after after thinking I was about to die. I was so relieved to be alive. I was just so Even the next day, I remember thinking like, oh, my leg was so swollen and gross, and and I just remember thinking how lucky I was to be alive. And and sometimes I look back at that, and actually it's weirdly inspiring to me, Like you know it, there were other times in my life where I came close to death, and I think and and all they are now are reminders. I mean, there's trauma from it, for sure. There's trauma that, like I think, has made me change my behavior in the world. Emotional and physical trauma. Yeah, But but really it's it's mostly just relegated to like where I go out, who I trust in some ways it's good for it's good. Yes, I have some kind of that that that thing, that event was the result of me really not wanting things to change in my life. I didn't want to change my behavior. I wanted things to stay normal. I didn't want to accept that I was being I was. Things were different in my life socially. When I'd go out, I would, you know, my way of coping with it at the time was I would do like a couple of shots of of whiskey, you know, just to just to kind of take the edge off at a bar because I loved going out, I love being around people, and I didn't want that to change. But it was it was, you know, it was during a time where I was also doing a lot of movie is that a lot of people were watching, and I was in a relationship that was very public, you know, and and so they were changing and I and I, uh, I needed to change my behavior. I remember talking to Funny Enough a couple of nights before this event happened. I was at the same bar where I met these guys. I was at this bar with Steve Boushemi and Boushemi we were doing this movie together and he had told me, he said, you know, he saw the way I was behaving in the world in this bar and and wanting everyone to be to like me and wanting things to be normal, and hey, are you that actor? Yeah, but I'm just a regular person here seven years old. You know, I'm like, I didn't want the world to be as different as it had gotten, and and so and Steve said to me it was interesting, he said, you know, you need to be a little like wary. Sometimes I forget how we put it. But he then told me, and Michael told me that one time, really, you gotta you're gonna you're gonna have to close your circle. Close your circle. There will be people your close. Your circle will get tighter. I've never really had a big circle. I My circle's always been fairly closed and tight. But the fact that he said that about people that he had advised just who are coming up, And this was years ago. He said to me, your circle will get tighter, And he's right, Well, that's a good point, but it's also yes, for sure, that happened naturally in my life. But but I think it's also like how you strangers. You know, there's something about having just a little bit of a sense of protective, like a more protective quality about your space, trusting. And Steve had been I don't know if you know this. He told me to inspire me to do that. He told me about in greater detail, this incident with Vince Vaughan. I mean this is all public. Yeah, where they had been jumped. You know, this is early two thousands. They were in North Carolina and they were all jumped by some some local guys for whatever reason. I'm my guess is they were, you know, they're probably jealous of you know, Vince was was, you know, attracted a lot of female attention, and who knows what it was. But they followed them out of this bar. They followed Steve and Finnce out and they jumped them and Steve was stabbed within christ Yeah, he was stabbed in the neck close to his jugular and so he had a really frightening incident. And I think he told me that as kind of a cautionary tale to just just be hud guard a little bit more than I was. And then sure enough, a couple of days later, this wild thing. Oh that's crazy that that was right. And as you you don't have kids, right, no, no, okay, So as you become a parent, that goes to exponentially because it's about them, and then you don't want to be dangerous anymore because you don't want to leave them. You know what I mean? When you have an incident, If you have an accident, there's like a boat that's scary or something, or there's people aren't being safe around you are a non safe driver, things like that get really heightened. And especially since you've been through that, it's crazy. If you, you know, become a parent, that becomes another level. Bethany, I would I know, I imagine I would be so protect I mean with with partners in my life, with pets, I mean, I bet with kids. Got I can't imagine how protective I would be. Can I just ask you about the gun? What? What were the events surrounding that? How did you come to be held at gunpoint? I was in high school, and god, I was in high school and we were waiting. I was with a girlfriend and we're waiting in a park, and that I can say this because it's irresponsible and I wouldn't want my daughter to hear it. But we were waiting. I remember, I was in this Toyota Supra. She's not I don't think she's listening to this episode. She doesn't. She's not a fan adjust am, so she doesn't seeing He's not that she actually has seen. He's just thought that into you, but so she So I was of a friend and we were waiting, I think for these people to meet. These people out, so we had some time to kill and I think we were going to drink later. And we had champagne or something in the car and we were popping the bottle out of the door, which we opened up. We were pop popping it and because the door was open and my leg was out popping the bottle outside, these guys, these two men held us at gunpoint. It made us get on the floor of the car and took my friend's necklace off and and then and and said they'll kill us, and they ran and they left them. We went to the cops and we went to the hospital. But it was really surreal and like it didn't happen because it happened so fast, And it's the same thing you're saying, it's anecdotal now, like I always forget about it, like do you have any recollection of the details of their faces or anything like that? The color like the guns, like the colors of the guns, and weird. I would picture that, and my friend remembers more. But I had a lot of like childhood trauma, and she's seen a lot of abuse and stuff. So for me, I'm like you, I'm glib about things, and I just sort of, you know, I could have a near death experience with something and just sort of convinced myself that it's not a big deal or I'm making it up. It's weird how the mind does that. Yeah, it must be for survival. What yeah, But I always imagine I always wanted to think about that often, you know, especially when I was a kid. I think about being held at the idea of that, like your life, especially if you're that phone about your your face down and it's and your life is totally in the hands of a strange totally. I can't imagine what that loss of control must be like, Like what, yeah, do you do you remember that feeling? Was it? Was it? Do you remember thinking they're going to shoot me? Not even clothes? I don't remember any No, I bomb a block out or wow, yeah, probably yeah. So, so what has been the rows of your career and the thorn the rose? Well, god, that's a good question. That is a good question. Well, you know, I think the movie that kind of sparked so much for me, whether it was Galaxy Quest and Dodgible, were two movies that really set into motion a lot of great professional things. And they're both movies that I think like maybe re looked at. I know, Galaxy Quest is, uh, there's a there's a show in the works. There's like a I don't know if it's a reboot. I don't know what you would call it. But but I know Simon I've talked to Simon pegg On on my podcast about that. I think he's writing it and so hopefully that will come to fruition. And uh, Dodgeball was just working with Vince Vaughn, like I said, and he was were he's been romanticizing doing it, having doing a sequel, and having an idea for a sequel. But those two movies were really led to a lot of uh led to a lot of professional opportunity. So I would say, but you know, I've also done really bad movies that you know, I did one where where you know, I met you meet people that are important to you, and you have a lot of laughs. And so the ones that that work out in the world are not necessarily my own personal roses, you know, those those two Galaxy questions thought what happened to be a lot of fun, and I met Vince and such good friends on some of those. But god, I did a movie called Strange Wilderness that that got like he got a zero on Rotten Tomatoes. It was one of the greatest Yes. No, uh, the movie I directed with my brother was was uh. You know, we had some some some great reviews and some really shitty ones, and but overall it was such a joy to get to do, to work with Melanie Lynsky and Judy Greer and women like that. And so it's hard to say. Thorns are easier, I think to count, and there are so few of them because even the ones that that didn't necessarily work maybe weren't all that fun. I feel like, I know this is these are such boring, like boy Scout answers, But I feel like I learned so much and then you learn what not to do. It's like it's like relationships too, and you learn to be a little bit more discerning and whatever and look for different things and value different things. So it's hard to say, like, oh, I wish I hadn't done this. There was a play that I really wish I had done. There's certain things like that that I wish I hadn't passed on. But you know, you live learned. You said that your life changed sort of in that bar time and you were dating publicly, and I don't know what's gone on in between, and I don't know that much, only what sort of I dating papers, But you have dated publicly. And is it easier to date someone in your industry because they understand your life in a schedule or is it not? Because there's two peacocks, like how do you decide when to date a civilian or when to date someone that's that's in the industry. That's interesting two peacocks. That that's a good point. I think I think that the former point is true of me, is that like there it's it's easier to meet though those are people you bond with, you connect with, you meet like I don't really go out certainly during the pandemic and all that, and since since the pandemic yam and since I turned for you know, since I got older. I I don't really drink much that much and I don't go out. I just don't so go out much. I went out last night for the first time in a while, and it felt again I keep thinking about this progressive commercial, like I'm turning into one of those guys, and like it was exciting. I kept commenting on how exciting it was to be out. And it was just a restaurant. It wasn't even like some like hip bar. It wasn't like some cool club. It was just like hey, and I was like, Wow, we're really out, We're doing it. But I think it's just natural to meet people that you again, we were talking about just humor, laughing with somebody and that being such a like immediate connective thing, and those are the people that I find myself really laughing with and bonding with. And uh. And in terms of it being public public people who are known or whatever, it was always kind of you know, I hear people talking about how difficult that can be, and you know, you reading stuff, and I found at least back in the day, you know, it might be different now with social media and stuff. But I found that it so easy to avoid that stuff. You just don't read it. I just want to read it. I would say that to people who are you know, and you know in one of those relationships or or or you know, have something coming out that's that's being consumed by the public. It's like, it's so easy to not read. No, And you also don't call paparazzi to come take a picture if you're private. If you don't go to the ivy on rocks, you might not get paparazzi. Do you know what I'm saying? Do go to the ivy all the time? Because I love the s No, It's true. You're right, Bethany. You you there's certain places you avoid. I mean I live in you know, Massachusetts and in a small town and h Connecticut and a smile, I just don't go to You're right. I mean, it's it's easy to avoid that stuff. Sometimes it's hard to avoid sometimes, you know, if they're at the airport or if they there happens to be something you're going through in your life, and they'll be you know this better than anyone they're they're around. I'm in a long distance serious, engaged relationship. Yeah, so I find that that you know, and we're in different industries, but that has its challenges and it has to absolutely managed. And if you're meeting if you live in Massachusetts and Connecticut and you're always meeting people in the industry, they're usually LA based, I guess, or in New York, how do you manage? Because I always asked this question, like, how do you create a successful relationship? What is the definition of that to you? What's the recipe for that? Like what works? What doesn't work? Bethany I, You know, I'm forty three years old, and I feel like I'm just starting to figure that. So I'm by no means an expert. I'm a novice still and I'm trying to figure it out. But I think it's about carving out space and time and and and honesty and communicating and just being really communicative and vulnerable. And you know, it's all the things you hear about, and it's when you start putting into practice and you find such such great at what dividends it pays? What did you say earlier? Ro Oi ROI, Well, it's interesting what you're saying. So you're a year younger than I fiance. And you know, I go to therapy and we go to therapy, and I'm seven years older than him, and I notice different things developmentally in relationships with him and his past and him having a different relationship history than I do. I notice this is like a coming of age for him, this age that you're at where you're sort of realizing that there's not a one size fits all relationship model and it can be not traditional and it can be sort of a choose your own adventure al Acart menu, as long as you're curating that and nurturing it and paying attention to it, meaning it's not the twenty five I my what a therapist said to me was, when you're young and you first get together in a relationship, your expectations are in a relationship. Once you really get into the relationship, the reality of the situation is what's in a relationship, right. I guess I had put a lot of Yeah, I guess in the past, I've been guilty of having investing too much in those expectations, and of course, when they don't come to fruition or when it becomes a real thing with you know, real struggles and difficulties and you start seeing and all the gloss of the chemicals wears off and you get into who the people are. But I think it's and then you're in a real partnership, which isn't always easy. It's just what you put into it, right unless unless, And I think what the key might be, and again, like I'm new at this, I think it might just be like honesty upfront is establishing as establishing a habit of like regular honest communication. And I know that sounds like basic, and but it's it's it's to to to practice it. I found is hugely rewarding and not always and not easy because it's like you have to do it, you have to like get up and do it. But once you do it, you feel better, like probably the way people feel and they work out well exactly. I mean, I yeah, it's what I've been told. Yeah, it's what I've heard. I know. It's it's doing it. You're right, And it's like avoiding getting bogged down by the story that you tell yourself. I go, I can't. I remember my dad used to say cowards die many times before their death, and and I think about that often. I think about when whenever i'm I fear something. I it's it's it's never, it rarely isn't as bad as the story that I've told myself. Right, do you feel so you're forty three, do you feel I don't have the word is self conscious? But do you feel any urgency to have kids? Or like, wait, I haven't been successful because I've felt self conscious in my own life about failing. Yeah, but now I wrote a book called I Stuck a relationship, so you don't have too. So do you feel like you're you suff written a forward? Do you suffer? You're good because you've had so many practice, so much practice not being good. Yeah, that's a good you know what I think kind of in a way I think now in my life it is it is the latter. I think. I think you're right because I've had so much practice in one that didn't work, and uh, you know, I think what it is is you just start to distill your own needs and recognize your own needs and and uh, and understand more clearly what it is that you want and value. And I think that's what age does. I think that's I was always so afraid of getting older and and now I'm really grateful for the wisdom it's given me, and that is probably at the top of that list relationship with Yeah, it's knowing what I knowing what I want, knowing how to maintain it, and I also knowing what the other side is. I think a lot of guys certainly covet the idea of, you know, being wild and free and being out there and and I feel like I I've seen the other side of that, and and uh and and it's and it's not it's not what it was cracked up to be. Yeah, it only has to happen, I mean, theoretically, but it's the idea of it. I mean, I think a lot of guys are are compelled by the idea of what's out there. And so when you kind of have have glimpsed that just because I was single for a long time, and you know, I was not in the longest relationships I've had have been like three years. So it's it's uh, at forty three, I certainly don't feel any pressure, but I feel a real sense of calm about where I am in that. In terms of that stuff, well, I guess the last question would be do you what percentage are you lucky? And what percentage. Are you smart, lucky and smart? Oh man? In terms of relationships Bethany or everything career? Oh both, But that's good that I've never asked it. In terms of relationships, well, well, I think I think it's a matter of being. But I think both things are both mechanisms work the same way, and they both work best when you're I mean, like acting and life being in a relationship. I think it's best when you stay out of your own way, when you are able to kind of be present and not in your head. And I think, like I said, I think just knowing what doesn't work has helped. I've really I love meditation. I love, in a weird way, being home for the pandemic and having putting less pressure on myself to continue to work work work is, and investing in things like leisurely enjoys like I got a guard, I started gardening again and cooking and things like that. As cheesy as it sounds, I think it's really allowed me to, like we were talking about, like down regulating, you know, it's it's it's allowed me to kind of find my neutral place, and in that there's a great degree of of of wisdom I think, and understanding, and I think that's that's when that's the best time to enter into some relationship, when you really know what you want and know who you are. It's so true, and you reminded me, which is a good note to end on that with luck in business and in relationship, you have to be you have to set yourself up. You have to have everything ready on the boat for if those fish do come. Yeah. So with emotionally, you have to set yourself up emotionally so you're ready if if a good relationship comes that you're prepared for it and you can treat it properly and nurture it and be you know, be set up for success in that. That's a great note for both. I think so, Bethany. I I mean again like shake this with a big grand song because I'm I'm new at it being good. But I think acting is the same way acting. It's it's helped my you know, and I certainly like some of the jobs I've done since since this change has occurred, I find myself a lot more present and confident in the work. I mean to to act your best, I think you just need to be as present as possible. I it's you know, it's similar to to you on the shoot. You had mentioned being on the show, and it's it's like any sort of improv you have to be open to listening and responding. It's it's basic, it's very basic. But when you do it properly, when it when it, when you're in put yourself in a position to succeed, it's it can be so exhilarating. I think, exactly. Well, it's no mystery to me why you're so good at podcasting. You're so interesting to talk to. It has been such an absolute pleasure. I can't even tell you. I like you. You're so great. Likewise, Bethanie, I'm so happy to hear that you're you found, you got a fella and you're you're doing it. Yeah, I am doing it. Maybe one day we'll get together, we'll go on a double date. I would like that. Awesome, have a great odd day. It was so good talking to you, Thanks, Bethny. So Justin Long is so wonderful. That was such a great conversation. I I'm so happy for his success. But his success is so deserved and justified because he's such a conversationalist. He has such a beautiful curiosity he honestly wants to hear genuinely about what's going on with other people. And I just think he was terrific and wonderful. And we talked about relationships and success and being guarded and getting activated. It was just a really beautiful conversation. So thank you so much for listening, and remember to rate, review and subscribe. It just I never grow tired of these amazing conversations and I learned every day, so I appreciate you so much. Thank you. Just b is hosted by me, Bethany Frankel. Just Be is a production of the Real productions iHeart Radio and Blue Duck Media. Our EPs are Morgan Levois, Antonio Enriquez, and Kara hit To catch more moments from the show, follow us on Instagram and just be with Bethany

Just B with Bethenny Frankel

If you can’t handle the truth you can’t handle this podcast. Just B with Bethenny Frankel is the bes 
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