Bethenny is in the middle of a complete mess! Everyone has bad days at work— it happens to the best of us, right? But this is a doozy.
But also... how is this even legal?!
Okay. So I normally don't just go down into my basement, which used to look like somewhere where you put Silence of the Lamb's victims, and I've I've renovated it and it's now a studio and I did that so I could just like have a separate space to record my podcast whatever. And usually it's scheduled, and often my assistant say, do you want to go down there and do podcast today? And I say, just on the one day of the week that we're doing it. Well, tonight, we had a drink and a half. I have no brawl. I'm in pajamas, it's my day off, and I look like ship on a cracker and I'm down this fucking basement and I'm gonna tell you why. Okay, I'm about to tell you why. I have a whole list of things I want to discuss. None of them are being discussed because this is what went down today. I'm a very organized person. I'm the opposite of a hoarder. Like when I say the opposite of a hoarder, so I I see a hoarder. I can't even watch that show because it's anxiety producing because those are people that just can't stop collecting, and they know they have a problem, and they can't stop. I'm the opposite, the literal opposite. I can't stop organizing and editing and getting rid of and it's a problem. It's equally as much as a problem. It's not affecting my life yet, Like I can go out and associate with other people, but it affects other people's lives. I'm just happy to be successful enough to have people around me to help me with the opposite of hoarding, which is like, and I don't think it's fair that they don't have the proper diagnosis for that person who just wants to get rid. Here's the rub, because I'm so fucking bad at technology. I haven't been able to master the art of editing technology. Like, no that it's real to me? What the funk is the cloud? Is it a real cloud? We all in like a bounty house together, Like where's the cloud? We in the cloud together? Are we talking in the cloud? Who fucking cares? It's not? Where's all that stuff? Is that real clutter? It's just like technological clutter. Where does it physically live? Does it clog something? Does it matter? Your phone says like we want, we need more space, but like, why where is that space? Isn't it? It's like not real. It's not a closet. I don't I can't get California closets to come in and organize it. I don't get it. So I don't think about that that much because I can't really see it. It's on a dumb little phone. Take a hammer and smash it. Who gives a fuck? So on my phone I have, and I mean, this is a real number. And I's gonna frighten you. Because I'm an editor. I get rid of everything I have, like fifty emails. And Paul, my fiance, whose house I went to when we got together, he had fucking ship piled up in drawers. You couldnot imagine. It was such a disaster. I was like, I don't know that we could be together with how fucking cluttered your house is. But I said fine, and I decluttered it. But he doesn't have a goddamn extra email or an extra test text. And I don't understand what do you mean, Like, just you buy one fucking thing at s afore you're in Amafia. They message you ten times a day. How do you keep up with it every time they message me while you a psycho pack, No delete delete, I didn't check the box. I'm sweating, I'm unsubscribing. I I don't want it, Okay, Like I can't keep up with fucking Sepphorign. I'll tay emails. What am I gonna do about all the other ship that I've ever bought or done, or scene or somebody I texted, you're in Amalfia, So I just said, fucking who cares? Let your underarm hair grow, let your grays shine through Sarah Jessica Parker style. Who gives a fuck? Let the emails fly? It's some cloud. I don't live in that cloud. It's not in my own goddamn house. Who cares? But every time I looked down at my phone, it says like fifty thousand emails because there's a couple of boxes my email address, there's some cloud email address, is some other email address that somebody set up that happens to be on my phone, my my television for Netflix. These worlds that exist, and I don't know why. Is it like different credit card accounts that you're just do in college. You're like, I'll fucking sign up for that? Who cares. They're gonna have to chase me to get the money back. But I'll pay the minimum and then I'll open five more credit cards. Who gives a fuck? So that's what's going on with my phone. So, and I haven't even scratched the mother fucking surface of where we're going. So let's do that now. So my fucking phone has like fifty thousand goddamn emails in public. Wow, I DELETEO my emails. I'm like, really, you had goddamn non matching linens that were not labeled in your linen closet. Who gives a funk about your goddamn phone? Fine, then the text? So many texts from how many people? I don't delete? I don't know why I don't. That's a job, that's like an end of the day, goddamn fucking job. So I haven't done it. So all I want is to live in a universe where I have a second phone, a phone that when I look at it looks clean, like a four seasons hotel room when you first walk in, like you do, nothing's been touched. So I just wanted to clean phone. So I said to my assistant, get me a phone. I just want another phone. I wanted to be smaller because the fucking iPhone Maxi phone, which is like a Maxi pad for a sixty five year old woman who like is barely bleeding, is so big and I can't fit into my purses and my clutches. And now all of a sudden, air mes and all these designers are making these tiny purses. Great, what the funk are you putting in there? You have the allergy tough fucking shit. You have a credit card. Okay, you're only allowed to have a credit card and a micro lip glass and a tic tac because you have bad breath when you're gonna go gold dig and sell your channel bag later to fucking pay for your evening, fine, no problem. So all I want is a new fucking small phone. I just want a small phone that's separate from my main phone. And all I want is it to have just be clean, like I just want to clean phone. It's a bat phone, Okay, I want to phone. It has a new email address, and as an and and and it has another phone number. It's just more private and I don't have to look at those fifty emails that I've never looked at. I just don't want to see them. Great. So I have a new assistant, and I'm never gonna throw anybody under the bus. That's not true. I'll throw many people, but I'm not going to throw her under him. They under the bus because I say this information and I say it back and forth. Wait for it, wait for it. Okay, Great. So now I mentioned that I would like a new phone. That was a month ago. No problem. It takes a month. I only did three million dollars to Ukraine with jem my partner of relief work. But we can't get a new phone in a month. No problem. Still have the original phone with my fifty emails, doesn't matter. Now we get a new phone. Great. My assistance, two of my assistants are working on it. They're fucking breaking into the few wed there at the Capital, trying to get in. They're trying to figure it out. Get the phone. I don't give a good fuck. I told you what I wanted. I wanted a new phone with a new email and a new phone number. And the other one will be a backup. It'll be here when I want to go. Look at it like a computer, Look at my text, look at my emails. It's just there. I don't want all that garbage in my everyday life. Great, get the phone, one assistant saying, you got the phone, here's the phone, here's the information, here's your number. Wonderful. I see them all looking at each other, oh googly. I like they're people like little Waka Walkers in the pac Man game. Just look at each other like what. I'm like, okay, big deal. And Molly, my one assistance, like, I mean I I did not I was not on the phone task. I'm like, okay, all right, great, no big deal. I know there are other people around and they might have, you know, done things not to your liking. No problem. It's like, you know, I was not involved in this project. Okay, no problem. I get it. All good. So, like ninety minutes later into this weird day off, we're all just fucking around and I've got this new phone, old information. You know, you have your two cross pollinated phones. They don't know each other, they don't know what's going on. No problem. All of a sudden, well, my housekeeper, Laney, my favorite goal, just somehow she's talking to Taylor and my other assistant and just everyone in the kitchen at the island, which is sort of this like weird middle island of like doom. I'm looking over because they're like, she's this dumb, fucking fifty two year old bitch who doesn't know what's just happened. We're all in on and she doesn't know. And I'm like what. And someone says, well, you don't have your old phone number. I'm like what do you mean. I'm like, that's fine, who cares, it's a new phone whatever? Who who I got my dancing. I'm just like it doesn't matter. No, you don't have your old fault. What does that mean? What's the phone number? What's in a name? Oh? Wait? What? No? My phone number? And I happen to have a great number. You know you have a number. It's like once you be for five six, Like, that's my phone number? Like I know that's nine numbers. Tough shit, not fucking a mathematician. I wasn't in a beautiful mind, but I know that I have a gorgeous number. Okay, So I'm like, what do you mean. They're like, no, your phone number is gone. What does that mean? What do you mean? I don't have a phone number. It's gone. It's gone. They won't give it back. No, it's gone. They won't. I'm like, oh, cute. You mean the return policy at the expresses that you can't give back the jeggings. What do you talk? What do you mean like as if it's okay? Is if like we're not storming the goddamn castle because I can't get my phone number back? And like what exactly? So I'm not good at tech? So tell her. My assistant, my housekeeper, Landy was looking and she goes, it's your identity. It's who you are, it's your identity. It's just like I came to this country with nothing and I have a phone number. I'm like, wait what, I'm starting to get scared. So now I'm like looking at Lane and she's like no, and she keeps saying it's your identity. I'm like, it is, it is? I don't think it is. I think I have a lot of other things that define who I am, but it certainly sounds important and it is. And then Taylor's trying to be like no, and all the things we text on it, all you passwords and everybody that texts you with a code, a verification code, it's all coming. I'm like, what do you mean? So I can't like be texted. No, you're dumb, fucking old bitch. You can't get texted. It's your fucking cell phone number that you've had. And I'm thinking I've had that Laney in my housekeeper. I've had this number since I was fucking born in the entertainment And so my assistant says no, like and I realized, you know when you get those code we hey, someone's clicked into your phone from Zimbabwe. Is that okay? We sent you a code to make sure that your friend from Zimbabwe is cool with it. And you're just like, you get that code, that that fucking phone number, and I'm thinking it's my phone number, my own child. I was like, what Because I only freak out over a little it, I do not freak out. They're all around me like what the fuck you don't have a phone number. I called my assistant, I said what. She goes, well, no, you told me you wanted a new phone. Is that it did? I did want a new phone. I also want a new vagina. It doesn't mean you're wrapping my old one in a goddamn box and fucking stomping on it and setting out a fire. What are you talking about I wasn't looking for my uterus to be removed. I said to her, I'm not. What's the fucking urgency. I want a new phone and I want some new ship. It doesn't mean I'm meant doing the witness Protection program. I'm not wanted by the Feds. I want to know if you're giving up my identity or my uterus, or I'm being incarcerated. I'm interested in those details. But I do want to know if my phone number is gone, and it is, it's fucking gone. So then I do something that I've never done ever. I don't do it. It's a fact. You know what this is like you go up to the front of a club, Okay, do you know who I am? And they say really, Yeah, you're fifty two and you're on reality television and you peaked when you're on Forbes and now you're fucking gripping on by doing beauty reviews. Yeah that's me. So guess what I still have some street kid, you fucking motherfucker. Well, guess what I never do that? I never I did it today to Verizon. Hey, um, I have a problem. My assistant deleted my identity, ak my phone number for fucking ninety years since they were like rolling rocks and decided it was a good idea to make loaves of bread. Years later. Oh and they were like, oh, hey, calls will be ordered, calls will be answered in the order they were received. We appreciate. I'm like, high, no, look above at the follower account, which is even that much, but it's a couple of million, which in Verizon standards is pretty fucking good. So I say it and they're like, oh, okay, great, let me get in some other side vortex with Verizon, and they're currently working on getting my number back. I'm like, do me a favor, please get my walking number back. Massive shout out to Verizon because they're helping me get my number back. By the way, Landy and I think it might be fake news, but she told me that people will give you a new phone if you give up your phone number. I thought, what'll be on fucking Jeff Blue, Like, excuse me, if you want to give up your seat, we'll give you two thousand dollars in a credit. Fucking fuck