On new beginnings and being grateful
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Yeah, I want to be very delicate about what I'm going to say because it's a it's a sensitive topic, and I don't believe in just saying negative things that can hurt people's feelings. Words, the written word hurts, the verbal word hurts people's actions, and words hurt people's feelings. I've learned that, and I teach that to my daughter too. So I want to be sensitive and accountable when I speak about plastic surgery. Because I watched like ten minutes of the and just like that, the the Sex and the City follow up show last night, I wanted to get to the Peloton part. I was more interested in it because of the Peloton situation with their stock And I don't know those of you who don't know, HBO Max aired and just like that, and there's a scene and I guess I didn't get up to it, but I guess big passes away on a Peloton, and Peloton reacted with this commercial within forty eight hours after their stock plummeted and the stock went back up, and it just was, in my opinion, and interesting pivot. And people were reading about it and saying that they were rethinking a Peloton, and I don't know how a scripted scene and a show is going to make you rethink exercise equipment, but who knows. So I because of being on the Housewives and watching these shows and seeing women with plastic surgery and their faces change and everybody be very vain, and watching women age. I mean, I think I started The Housewives in my mid thirties, and I think Ramona was maybe fifty then you know, it was fifteen years ago, so we're all older, and we look older because we are older. And you see some people have good plastic surgery and botox and some have bad on the Housewives, and it's a great place to look at different plastic surgeries from breasts too, butts, two cheeks, to teeth, a lot of teeth done. Knows is extensions, hair, all of it. I mean, it's just a good place to see sort of stuff. So I want to sensitively discuss plastic surgery because I was watching Sex in the City now. I don't remember the last time that show was on, but the women are much older. Um. I think someone was saying that they were fifty five years old, so that it was a major iconic show for women in their thirties and I think, and Samantha was maybe win forties and maybe into our fifties, I don't quote me. But so coming back for them to come back and do the show obviously takes emotional courage because you know you're going to be judged on the way that you look. And I know that they have UM and you're coming back to a show and you've gotten older and you're vain and everything is about being in magazines and pictures and every once filtered and it's you know, everything's HD. Now. When I went on television, there was no Instagram and there was no HD. Uh So that's high def television. So I know that these women have to go back back and they're going to think about how they're going to look. And I know in a lot of the press over the pandemic, Sarah Jessica Parker was just fully gray, which I get and so as I and so my most of the time. And I don't know exactly what she does or what anyone does, but I know in watching the show, and I don't want to be specific about anyone, and I don't want to go into any great detail. Uh. In watching the show, I was affected by the plastic surgery. I'm over fifty. I saw the plastic surgery. I could see the difference in the faces on the show. I saw the expressions different. Uh. It just plastic surgery makes your face look different. And it's not that it's quote unquote bad. It's just some people that I know, not on television, have gotten plastic surgery and their faces if you just look directly at their faces, they look good, but the person themselves looks older, or they look good, but they just look a little stranger. Or when they smile it seems unusual, or when they talk it doesn't sound the same, like it's very different. And on that show, it was very loud. To me, I was actually distracted by it, and I know a lot of you were too. And this is not to say something negative. It's to talk about plastic surgery. So for me personally, you know, every time I post a post and I happen to look good, Um, I don't filter. If I do filter, I would say it. I mean, I would say, this is not what I look like. And you see a lot of my unfiltered bag and wrinkled pictures. Um, I have had botox. I haven't had it in a while. And I have had philer probably once or twice in my whole entire life. Um, because when I got my jaw, my botox and my jaw which took my jaw muscle literally probably half the size. I had been working. I've grinded for years and I have a night guard, but that muscle had grown from when I was a child to an adult. It was like doing bicep curls on my jaw for years. So when I gradually used botox to reduce it, it was so sort of almost collapsed that one doctor said that I should balance it out by putting a dot on each cheek because it was just it was not balanced. I guess something by by that reducing pull my face that I don't know. Anyway, I uh, it scares me the filler a little bit because I see people looking so crazy. Has nothing to do with the fact that I'm so own natural and should be living in a commune or anything like that. I just don't think it looks great and it looks obvious. But and I have not had plastic surgery. I had a breast lift, I have not had my nose don I have not had plastic surgery. I sweared everything I hope to be. I swear on anything that I love. I have not had plastic surgery. I have considered what I would do if I were to do it, because I've had other people who are in the entertainment industry tell me that everyone has done it and they're all lying, and I'm the only one who hasn't done anything. So that's when you start to think, as no one telling me that I need something, like, am I do I need something? And no one's telling me. No one's going I've never told anyone they need something. Uh. I've had two good friends have surgery, and um, I notice it. My daughter noticed it. Um. Whenever I introduced my fiance to someone who's had plastic surgery, he says to me, did they have something done? And he thinks it looks different. I'm trying to be kind in general to everybody. So it's a choice. But I do think there's a price. And I don't know what age or what circumstance you hit where you really have to do it, you really should do it. So I think there's a lot of pressure sure to get plastic surgery because you don't want to be the one holding the bag. The last woman standing that hasn't had it. But I want to tell you that watching Sex in the City, uh, and just like that made me think, I think I would rather look a little older and not have plastic surgery for now. I mean, someone has to tell me that there's something to do. But it feels like a crapshoot because there are people on the Housewives who have had plastic surgery and they're teeth done and it looks good, and then there are other people and they look like they're on Star Trek and there's everything in between. And I don't think that that's a risk that I would take. I think it's scary. So unless you really really need something, and what's the definition of need, you it's interfering with your life. You look into the mirror and you say, I see this saggy neck. I can see exactly where it's gapping on my neck, or my eyes. I have big suitcases under my eye is and there's that wrinkly skin, or I just look like a leather bag and I have crow's feet because listen, I don't drink enough water. I don't exercise a lot, I mean barely at all. I don't sleep enough so that gets in your head and you're thinking I must be aging and need it, and I'm sure you're all thinking the same thing. I just want to tell you that the people, for the most part that I know who have had plastic surgery don't look natural, and it's a little off putting to me. So maybe just a little bit of crow's feet and not looking perfect is the answer for more than just myself some good makeup on a good night out. Most of the time, you're probably home with your kids in your pajamas, so it doesn't always have to matter as long as you can pull it together when you need to take a great picture, go out to a good dinner, go on a vacation. What are we all doing it for? So I hope that you all comment and tell me what I need and when I need it, if I need it, or tell me honestly that I don't, because I think we have to tell each other all of that so we don't have to go through not knowing and then be a person that everyone's talking about saying, wow, that looks weird and she didn't need it and why did she do that? And you know, because I felt a little strange watching unjust like that, and I felt a little uncomfortable about it, and it made me worry about the fact that I've thought about doing it. So that's my truth about plastic surgery. My guest today is radio personality Elvis Duran. He is a wonderful man. He is very talented. His show, Elvis Duran and the Morning Show has been running since on New York's biggest station and syndicated across the country. In a career that spans decades, he's won countless awards and was inducted into the National Radio Hall of Fame. He's not only incredibly accomplished, but he's a wonderful philanthropist who's donated to be strong on many occasions. Every day, millions of people tune into his show, and today we get to hear his story. Enjoy Alright. So, Elvis, so I know you because throughout the years I've come in and been interviewed by you since probably you didn't even know who I was through my books and my experiences, and I've always enjoyed coming in there and your humor and you're being real, and we've developed this uh sort of industry relationship that's a little bit more Um, and you've helped me with be strong without wanting any credit, which I've mentioned. Um my daughter met you on the eating outside with some friends, and um, I just saw one of your colleagues at jingle ball, so we know each other. Um, but I don't really know you. I mean, I don't know most of the people that I interview, even if I really know them, even if I'm friendly with them, because we don't really talk about how someone came up specifically, we sort of meet them once they're here. So how did you come up? Where did you grow up? And what did you want to be and what did you think successment and what was your family like? Well, I wanted to be a ballerina. That didn't work out, you know. I I was seduced by radio at a very early age. And I say that because I was such a loner kid, and you know, I spent a lot of time just with me and the radio and the people who were playing the songs and giving away the contest prizes, and I don't know, I felt that they were friends. They were in a weird way, disconnected way, they were friends of mine. And I always thought, I want to do that. I'm wanna I'm wanna be that voice in the in the night or in the morning that's actually a friendly voice when people may need it. And because I needed it as a kid, I was, like I said, I was a loner, and I was I wasn't like out of my mind and and hated. I just very introverted. Before we knew what that meant, you know, so well, interesting radio was my best friend. And I now we see it applied to people's lives who are living awful lives at home, or they're driving every morning to a shitty job that they just can't stand with a boss that's toxic, and we want to be there as a friend. And it's a very simple concept, but that's what got me hooked at a very early age. It's very unique for someone to really live out their dream that they had as a child. I don't know that many people who really have done that. What did your family think about that? And I love that point. Let's come back to that dream. The dream is a child thing. My mom and dad were like, you know, you need to go to college. So they foot the bill and I went to college and I just wasn't a great student. I was a great college partier. I just it just wasn't for me, you know, But radio always pulled me back. So I was doing part time radio in Dallas while I was going to college and failing miserably in college, and so this was the path. And so, yeah, you have a dream as a kid. I mean, do you remember dreaming anything when you were a kid, like I want to be this when I grow up? Yeah? I do. I think I wanted to be an actress, but more about probably what I thought the adoration. I mean, I don't think I understood what acting really was and the technicalities of it and what it really meant. And I tried it. I just knew that I wanted to. I I loved comedy. I did the Groundlings years later and Second City. I tried all of that. I always wanted to be in place. I wanted to entertain and connect in a humorous way. But I wanted to be myself. I knew that. So it is similar, but it wasn't as young, uh and as specific as you're talking about. But I did always have this urge to connect to an audience. But it's funny how as we get older and more embroiled in our career, as we realized how specific that can be. Meaning I've liked reality television. Not until after years doing it did I realized it was because of that humorous, irreverent, unbridled connection with that audience. It wasn't because I wanted to be famous. It wasn't because I wanted to be on reality TV or the money necessarily, although that was good. It was that I like that connection. So the podcast, I didn't even know what that was, and now I know that it's a great way to just communicate and express you See, Bethany, you just used the word connect in one form or another over a dozen times, and I really think that's very telling of you and of me. I was a little awkward growing up, and even in college I had a few friends, but it was still an awkward time and I was outdating whatever, and I wasn't good at any of that. But the need to connect was there. So I found through our delivery of content through one way radio, I could make a connection, but it was it was an indirect connection. I was there talking to you, and then the feedback was much slower because was no social media. But the need to connect, I think we all have that in one form or another like you so brilliantly said, it's so true because you don't have to be talking to someone else. I will talk sometimes, just on a rant, and I was shocked that you're just speaking, and you are. You are talking to people, but they're not necessarily talking back. We do like that as well, and I know that you do too, but it's a different type of thing. It's sort of like a you're just expressing yourself through monologue, which is interesting. Yeah, you know, it also kind of started and became very important for me. Uh nine eleven, twenty years ago, I was about to quit radio. I just didn't understand the point. I didn't feel like I was saving any lives. We weren't curing any diseases. We I didn't get it. You know, maybe you'll tell a fart joke here and play the same song over and over until people don't want to hear anymore. What's the point in that? I was lost? I was floating around and outer space, not really tethered to anything I felt was foundationally important. But were you getting a w with it? Oh? Yeah, lots of lots of ratings, lots of listeners, great money. I didn't get it. Nine eleven, actually nine twelve and two thousand one proved to me, well, what what we're here for? The calling was for me at that time, it was healing, it was anger, it was you know, all the emotions we all went through after nine eleven, right putting the pieces together for people I'll never get Walking in the studio on November, I mean September twelve, we didn't know what to do, like, who the who the hell are we to like open the microphones and start talking after such a tragic, tragic event, unfriendly right before our eyes, literally before our eyes. What we discovered, who we were, we were needed. We helped get food down to ground zero. We helped get little baby booties for the dogs who were searching. We we connected families who were members of families were walking down the turnpike just trying to get home near Philly from New York. We had people stopping by and picking them up. And we understood at that point what public's service is all about, which connects way way fast forward to what you are doing now. Every time there's a call, you're there. You feel the need to serve the public, And I think there's a connection between what we learned after nine eleven and our business radio how important it was and how you are connecting the Dodge to help people out around the world. Well, it's funny. You can find your way in and then you feel like you have purpose and it gives you something to do, and it's sort of like work. Also, relief work is work, um, which just feels weird sometimes because it can be cold. I'm just trying to get things done. I'm not just crying and hugging babies. So I feel like it's not what it is on TV or in the movies or you know what I'm saying. You connect to people and you got I'm using that word again, but you go there and you see people are going through but it's it's handled in a way where you just need to move quickly to help versus really processing what's going on. You don't always have time to do that. So it sounds like it was a day after It was September twelfth, and you were just in motion helping people. I fell in love with my career that day. Refell in love. I understood the importance. And then when we try to figure out which I don't know why we do this to ourselves, but I do this, and I'm hoping you've thought it through to what's the psychology behind wanting to be there? What's the psychology other than purpose, as you mentioned, which is so important, like what what's what's in it for me? And I know that sounds very trite and very whatever, but there is something in it for us. There is the satisfaction of helping people. We have the platforms to do it. It's too easy to not do it. It's not easy to do, Don't get me wrong. It's not easy to execute what we do. But it's too right there that you have a leg up to do it that someone else doesn't have. And most people do want to help. Thank god, we do because there are a lot of There are a lot of people who benefit from it. And I know I do, but I watched, I watched. I'm always trolling you online. I'm watching every time every time of building falls. Bethany's there, you know, and uh, I love it. I think, I think when you talk about leaving legacy, I'm sure that you've had this conversation with yourself. What's that legacy you want to leave your Well, you're creating quite the legacy. Well that may be a plan that we didn't know about. Why that was given to certain people. I mean, not everybody uses it that way, but I'll say that the it's funny you said why you felt you had to be there. So I was a nobody who had absolutely nothing, living in a tiny, tiny studio apartment, and sixty two Street and nine eleven felt so far from me. It was I didn't understand like that you could have access. It was downtown. I was on sixty second Street. Think about what I do now and how crazy the dangerous places I've been and how we get in immediately with no red tape, and it's scary, and there's people who intervene with aid and kill and roadblocks and crazy stuff going on in different countries. For people listening, you can get involved. It just seems like you can. It seems like everything else that you don't take a chance to do, Like Loto, you have to be in it to win it. The Apprentice, you have to send that tape, even though they say thousands are doing it. Whatever it is superficially the Housewives, a radio host, whatever. But I was on sixty two Street, and my biggest regret in my life is that I didn't go down there to see it, to feel it. Not even that I could have made a massive help impact helping. Maybe I could, maybe I couldn't, but just so I could know in my body what that really felt like. I only know as a bystander in New York. Like everyone else, I didn't really absorb what you did and what really was going on down there. Well, we were forced, and we were our students at the time. We're in Jersey City in a high rise. Look, I mean looking right at World Trade. We watched the whole thing happened, so we were sort of sucked in. And also a lot of supplies were launched from the docks below our building, and so we had we we were well, no, we weren't forced, but we forced ourselves to be a part it. We had to. But it just Yeah, because of your slightly disappointing thoughts in not being able to go downtown, which you weren't allowed to do, by the way, most likely for a while, is that sort of what sprang you into action in the future as you're doing today. Not even no, I just years later. I always wanted to do something in philanthropy, and I would donate money to different charities, not realizing if you focus on one, you can really have an impact. When I used to think it was good to give to different places, but I didn't understand what it meant, and then donating to being involved with one, it just didn't feel dire enough. The way that I was doing it. It It was too slow and low. It was helpful to a lot of women, but I wanted to do something immediate, and years ago I saw Haiti earthquake and I saw the kids on the medical lines, and I always wanted to do something with babies. So when I was able to finally do it for her came Maria, I understood the point and that it's just like you can you just hear something, you see images, people tell Twitter, social media and Instagram helps so much. But anyway, who that that's so both of us have connected through philanthropy. You've got involved and would be strong. Um, so what about your relationships? What about sexuality relationships? What about that while trying to build a career that makes you the center of attention and really now you're more leveled and where you know you've made it, But when trying to come up, what about all of those elements in your life. You know what, the word relationships is a very important word in my life and in our shows foundation as well, because I think everyone's storylines in their relationships with people, relationships with food, with money, with alcohol, with drugs, with sex, with It's all how we relay. It's not just what we think about what I think about my husband Alex. I I also want to make it about what he thinks about me, like how are we in this together as partners? And uh, I think looking through the relationship lens is so important because it's not it's not a one way think. This is not a one way life. We're living with money and with power or lack of power or can't pay the bills. Relationships married to Alex. I don't know this is it? Is it? The simple? Is this what you want? Yeah? We met each other twelve years ago and we got married either two or three years ago. I lost a year and there somewhere I think you know what I'm doing. Well. You waited a long time, We did well. It was kind off and on again. We weren't really ready for it. He used to be a club kid who was getting older, and I was an old guy who needed to become a club kid again. So it was it was kind of a young thing and it worked out really beautifully. And now we're you know, we have two schnauzers and live on a farm and in the city and we're doing our thing. So are you good at it? I'm trying to be it's work, you know, hello, it is, but I don't not everyone admits that. And you watch you know, it doesn't matter what television show you're watching. There are people with twelve year old kids walk in just giving the biggest hug and the day I met your mother and I and I'm like, is that that? I don't think that's what relationships are like every day because none of my friends, it's like that they're all we're you know, one of them it's not stopped snoring, and the husband drinks too much. Another one, uh, the husbands to overweight and also drinks too much and smokes. And see, like all my friends have different stuff going out their partners. So I like when people tell its straight versus bullshit, it just doesn't help people. Well, okay, I'll tell you straight. You pretty much three out of four in bed to overweight guys with drinking problems and snoring you you pretty the nail on the head. Look, you know what, I look at it this way, and I think this helps me with this relationship. We're struggling up to the point where we finally decided to get married. You know, you realize you're in two different lanes, and sometimes you're in the same way, and you're in two different lanes, and but you're always merging in and out of each other's traffic and exiting and entering the free win everything. Not every day is great, I do I I can't think the last time we actually went for each other's freaking juggular and tried to rip them out. I mean, we're doing okay. I guess that's a good sign um now. But you know what we're doing now, and I think this is this is not uncommon after you know, the COVID hit. We're reevaluating. We're trying to figure out where this is going, uh not the relationship. We want to be back to, back in the woods, protecting each other, and that's that's easy to figure out. But where do we want to go next? What's next chapter? You know, I love what I do for a living. Alex loves what he does for living, which is the polar opposite of what I do. You know he works at Stadi want to Zoo. He's a zookeeper. Amazing. Okay, we have nothing in common in professional world, which is kind of great. Oh no, very great. You know he'll he'll go to work and you know, help build a new sloth exhibit. I go to work and interview SpongeBob SquarePants. I mean, they're just not related. But you know, we're trying to figure out what's next, what's next chapter? I love what I do for a living, I just don't always love how I'm doing it anymore. And uh, he wants to open a bar somewhere, which is a tough business. Or we have a house out in Santa Fe. Maybe you can go to the Santa Fe Opera and build sets for for the opera season. I don't know. We're just trying to figure that out. And was was was being gay difficult or did it provide any sort of interesting path that you wouldn't have imagined in your career? Was there any because people always talk about that being a woman, or being a black woman, or being a gay man or woman, the plight and the challenges, but people don't often talk about the positive aspects, what, how, how how it could change your path or chart your course. It was a total positive experience. And I have a lot of friends who did not grow up with a positive experience being gay or lesbian. Um and I get that, you know, And I was always there for them. I always used it to my my advantage. I mean people wanted, you know, growing up in the eighties in Texas, in Dallas, Texas, somewhat conservative area of the Bible Belt. I used it as my this is what makes me, this is what makes me unique. It makes me different than you. And I'm a good guy. And so you know, if you don't like gays in general, then I'm not your guy, you know. And I never really had a problem with it at all. I always always embraced it. And I like, again, I say, I'm very lucky. I have friends who were no longer with us because they could not. They couldn't, they could not maneuver through that world. And you know, something just told you inside. Was it your family to just live in Dallas, Texas. That's interesting, to be honest about it, But it sounds like being an introvert might have helped you because you weren't craving to be the center of attention or to be popular. You probably liked your own bubble, and in that bubble you were gay and did what you wanted. Yeah know, my battery was replenished when I was alone, you know, and hanging out and being creative with a couple of friends or you know, back in the days we smoke a lot of pot and just sitting around watch TV. But we were comfortable with each other, you know. And you found other gay friends in Dallas, Texas that many years ago. Oh absolutely, I had a fake idea. When I was in high school. We were going to the bars and stuff, going to drag shows when before was even eighteen. So I got that all out of the system, you know, And then AIDS came along, and somehow I got through that maze. Uh not. Not a lot of my friends did, a lot of a lot of them didn't. But the challenges were already always there. You can see the roadblocks miles away. You see, you see a bus coming down the road. You don't step out in front of it. You just try to be smart, you know, maneuver and manipulate and take care of yourself. And I'm here and amazing and answered your question being gay. It was cool. You know, I had a great experience. I wish everyone had as great experience as I've had. And your family was supportive of you. You know, my mom and dad were so much older than me. We really didn't discuss it. I mean I was out to almost everyone except for my mom and dad, and they knew because I found a book in their bedroom like what to Do when your Kids a Gay. I don't know what the title of the book was, but it was there. But it was uncomfortable conversation with them. They were very conservative Southern Baptist. They love me. There was always lots of love in the house. They even told me one time, you know, if you choose, if you choose a life of being homosexual, you risk losing friends and relationships and business partners. Maybe you know they were from that old school. I mean, it's not untrue what I was saying at that time too, to be honest, and even now, in many places, it's not untrue. You did. I mean, you have to be who you are, and there are you know, risks to that, which is sad, but it's true. They never ever shut me out, and they were always there was always a hug and I love you in my house morning, noon and night. That's so interesting. It's a different story, but it still makes sense. And I'm sure there's still was some struggle for you and them. That's interesting. Yeah, Sometimes sometimes I I crawled into the closet when it comes to heaven conversations with strangers or I don't know why, it's just it's just it's in there. But I'm doing okay. I'm a good nice, I'm a good gay. You're a good gay, You're a good gig. What? How? How what do you attribute your success to? How did you did you just one foot in front of the other? What was what were the big mistakes you made the real like hit it out of the park, your best business choices, just that sort of crossroads when you really made the right, the correct turn. Maybe you can help me figure this out because I've never Bethany. I've never been the one year, five year, ten year planed guy. I've never been the make a list every morning and get to check them all off, same same. It was almost as if and maybe you can relate with this. I'm driving down the highway and when I see a sign for an exit looks interesting. I take it same. It's just is it timing? Is it honestly, it sounds like gut, instinct and honesty, and it sounds like it's about the journey and not the destination. For me, what you're saying is the same exact thing, and it's that I always say to my team, look at be aware of the board. Don't forget the pieces, but look at the whole board. So, but you got to get in the car, get on the road. You may hit a roadblock, you may run out of gas, but you got to get in the car. Everyone's stuck in their business plan and they can't get started, and you may make a mistake, but just make that mistake work. So all roads lead to rome. So I'm the same as you. I know I have a successful business in all of these different tentacles, but they're just because I have ideas and I want to execute them. Now they have to be interconnected because you're not gonna As you get older, you realize time is more valuable than money, So you're not gonna do things that don't have a financial or spiritual or emotional return on their investment. But I do the same thing as you do. I just have always said, from my horrific divorce to my career, it is one foot in front of the other. It is like what hole are we on in golf? We're on this whole and we just keep going. And you know that it is. It's just I'm the same as you, and I sometimes don't like it. And then I stopped, Well, yeah, I mean, don't you feel like, gosh, you know what, maybe I should be watching all the Ted talks. I don't know. I don't. I don't I need to go read the new Brunet round book or I'm going to be a failure. Rollo, God bless Burnet. I think she's she's great at what she does. I don't know. Maybe I almost call it laziness, so I don't think that's correct, though. I feel like I'm just too lazy to do the checklist thing. And the I don't think if you whatever the checklist is, if you're not thinking about it or dreaming about it, I don't think you'd be good at it. It's the same thing as I am. I mean, I don't need to be a billionaire, and I value my sleep, and I value my daughter, and I value my life. And my peace of mind. Meaning you're feeling about radio back before nine eleven was my feelings about my relationship with reality television in that format. I just I didn't like the way I felt. I felt gross. I felt like I was prostituting myself for the check I was getting. So I had to make a decision that you know, it was not financial, it was just emotional. But those aren't the easiest things to do because your mind's playing tricks on you, and it happens in relationships and all the types of things too. We just have to live as honestly as you can. I think you've always been pretty honest from your sexuality, you know, from being gay in Dallas, Texas. It sounds like from day one you've just gone with in your gut and your heart and just keep going. And you're doing it now. Well call it reckless. I don't know. It's just the way I hate to sound like a whatever it's it's the universe is looking out for me. God, you know, whatever you're believing in. I truly believe there's a force that's looking out for me. It's at least helping me guide myself in the right directions. I think another thing's timing and luck, lots of luck. Um. And someone told me once, oh, you know what, you need to give yourself more credit and stuff stopped getting giving so much credit to luck. I said, well, no, I really do think you really do some people. Do you know who else said that? Um? Why am I having? Um? Graham Norton. I was trying to I was trying to make everything into something. You know. I just thought like, and he was lucky effective. I mean, he's not only lucky, but he just said I just landed here. I'm you know, he considers himself very lucky. I'm paraphrasing, but I think he's made it like you do, like you just feel like I don't know how to how this all happened. That's how you seem. It's sure as fun, though I hope it lasts for a while longer. I'm having a good time. That's amazing. That's different. Looking for a new chapter, though, I'm actively looking for new chapter right now. And it's it's it's come scary. You know. I've been doing the morning show at one New York and syndicated for twenty five years. I've been to Z one. I've been there a long time, you know, and and I've been working with some of the same people for years. So you're looking for something, I'm looking for something, and I'm and part of me is that lazy Elvis kind of waiting for it to fall out of this guy and just hit me upside the head like we that sometimes happens to us. And so I don't know, well I have if you want, this is not no pressure, only if you want. It could be as soon as Thursday or any time if you want to go on a mission, like you could go on a mission for I can't go third day because um, I'm going away and I have full custody of my daughter now, so it's not and I've never had childcare, so I'm having different personal did get calendar challenges. But if you want to go on any of these relief missions, it's pretty amazing that we got. I mean, I consider it like getting to be front row at Madison Square Garden, that we get to be the first ones into these torn, you know, devastated places and distribute relief like real time. We have warehouses full of aid that two million dollars of aid that will be going to Kentucky. So if you ever want to go on a mission, and it only could be it could be just for a day. Just go in and talk to people. You you would probably love it and they would probably love it too. I've never done you know what. One time we actually flew into Haiti and went to a woman's clinic where they were having babies and giving birth and it sounds like you you've done the same thing, and that was it was just for the day and it was very moving. I would love to I'd love to do something like that. Okay, if you want to do it, you know, because we could, you could. I can always tell you when you could go the soonest you know, anywhere. It depends upon your work schedule at Cuter but uh, right now we're doing a big thing in Kentucky. Um. Anyway, it's just meaningful and it gives you that sort of purpose and that feeling. Doesn't mean it's your life's work, but it mean I mean, it just means it's just it's good to for you. Would be perfect because you already connect to people. Ask you a question once you're done with this this what we're doing now, and with other people you've you've you've interviewed and talked with. When you turn off your computer, what mode you go into? Do you stop and evaluate what just happened? Okay, that was good, I feel Do you feel satisfied? What comes in your daily satisfaction? Like what checks off your your boxes. So it sounds cliche, I'm my daughter is that it makes me whole. She just makes me a whole person. It's unbelievable just being with her experience. And when we do something that's an experience, like we've done something Christmas e or decorated the tree, or we made pink cupcakes this weekend with candy canes, that feels the best. UM. I will say that I have never loved anything more than doing this podcast for so many reasons. I'm gonna be super honest. I had never listened. I have never listened to a podcast to this day. I did not know what it was and I didn't even know what I was going to do. UM, and I thought I would talk to these interesting people. I could can't believe the people that I've been able to have on here. It's it's it's staggering who I've spoken to. UM. But it's like I get to get this information. You're the only person the whole time that I didn't read a single thing about in the papers that I have printed out because I just know you and I wanted to do it this way. But for everyone else, I look for twenty minutes at what's been written about them and circle certain things that reminds me of certain things. And then it's like reading a book because I'm talking to these people and I'm sharing with the people listening how they did it, and everybody has some relation to the way you've done it or I've done it, or Mark Cuban did it, or Hillary Clinton did it. So they're creating this their own quote, their own um toolbox to success. So this show is just the vehicle to give that to them. So I love that. And then it could be as stupid as me ranting about some dumb vegetables or packing or just giving tips about health, and it's just giving me so much. So I'm giving so much. It's giving so much to me. But also I'm meeting someone differently, like I'm getting to know you now, we know each other better next time I see you. And I'm really only interviewing people that I want to interview. I'm interested in talking to them. So now I got to know you way more because it moves pretty quickly. So it's a great experience, to say the least. I have to say. So I was having a brunch on a Sunday in Soho it rules, and I'm there with Alex and our old uncle Johnny. He's crazy, he's old and he's gay and he wears the two pay I think for you at the table. And then so you and your daughter are walking. I and I we were masked and we're like, oh, Bethany, hi, and you were so kind to exit out of traffic on on the Prince Street and say hi to us. And then when you left, Alex said, do you really know Bethany Frankel? I said, well, I think we're getting to know each other slowly here and there. You know that's her daughter. Your daughter is beautiful, by the way, um, and so in congratulations on your new your new level of relationship with your daughter with a custom full custody. How cool is that. But the fact that you you came over and just said hi, and you could have easily went okay, well bye bye, but you didn't. You stayed for a minute or two, and that that was nice New York City. Running into people on the streets in New York cities were my favorite things ever, And so that was interesting. That was a great day. I love it because if you think about it, it's just one huge small town, you know. And but so when you when you you exited the sidewalk just to say hi in our little outdoor area, that was really cool, you know. And I never, ever, never ever undervalue what that is like for people, just friends or people you've acquaintances or best friends to stop down and just invest a moment just to say hi. So this show just gives me so much, and to be able to do it in pajamas, not because just because it's who I truly am, and that's not the superficiality of wearing lashes and sequence and all that stuff I did in reality TV isn't the best thing that I have to offer to people. So that's just a sort of superficial aspect of myself. And as we keep going, I find social media less interesting to me because it seems like a superficial portrayal and this is the most authentic thing I can possibly think about. So that's so I love the hour because I get to you know, really go deeper with you and then know you better. And I'm learning. I mean, I've learned on this call. So that's huge for me. I feel like I said something really rude to you one time about you being on uh Real Housewives? Do you remember that? You do now, but in the beginning, I do remember you you evolving, but it might have been too. Here's the thing. I get it overall when I first came on, and I remember having this experience on the view. It's a joke, and you know, it seems like a joke. We're first starting as train wrex on this reality show and someone has to interview you and they don't know who you are and they're rolling their eyes because you yet you haven't even earned it, and I don't care, and you're you're a radio radio host, and there's other people in the room and it can be snarking. I have no idea what it was, but I know in my mind I remember knowing you later meant you taking me more seriously. But I that's part of what that's part of life. And you're not supposed to be some clown that walks in on day one and get the respect of people who have been doing this for thirty years. I love I love the word clown, so it applies to so many different things. No, he's actually in a text message I had with you or a d M. I was like, God, I wish you're so great when you're not on that show. And I was I think I've just seen an episode or something. It doesn't matter. Oh that's so funny. Oh wow, Yeah, well the show is its own thing. Um. So what has your rose been of your career and your thorn of your career? The rose of my career the people I meet and the people I get to work with every day, and of course the longevity of some of the listenership. And we we have people who have been listening since we're twenty five years ago and they're still there. Uh. More roses, I've got dozens of roses. I mean picking up new listeners. I just started listening to you. Oh gosh, which the name is the people again and we're getting to know you and those are the great things. And um, and luckily I have a partner who totally understands what I do and as I understand what he does. Those are the roses, the thorns, you know, waking up at fucking four thirty every you know, it's just you're never used to it these I mean, it's time to go see Dr Rosenberger again, because it's time to like, you know, the hours. And there is this past year and a half which this is not unique to me, the fatigue on working out of zoom rooms so much. Um, hi, we're in one now, but that's but this is different. Uh, that's about it. I love what I do. I mean, we go in there without a script, with maybe just a little bit of a roadmap here or there. It's just a collection of people that come to the table every morning with stories and we just apply them and then before you know it, it's four hours later and we're done. I can't think of any other business I could be in where I can do that. And they pay us well, they take care of us. I heart is so supportive of us. So, oh my god, how great is I hear they're greatly? How great is Conall? Smart? He's a smart guy, and he plays the long game. He doesn't play the nickel and dime game. He plays the long game. That from my experience, it's just like that's such an easy relationship. I heart's amazing and keep listening people to everybody because I heart is amazing. Well, and we've been very lucky they give us the resources, the research tools. I mean, it's it goes so deep down into the dungeon that most people don't see these things. It's great. So like how you asked the question roses and thorns. I I have a field of roses with maybe a couple of thorns in the corner that fuck them and they don't really bother me. I forgot that you lost a lot of How much weight did you lose? I forgot all about that. I've gained some of it back, it doesn't look like it, But did you lose like an extreme amount of weight I had? Yeah? I had the gastric sleeve bypad, not bypass but whatever, or the thing that's different than the lap band. Yeah, yeah, the lap band. That's the one that Al roker head in and he shipped his pants at the White House. Um wait, I don't think I remember that. But that cannot be someone's legacy. Okay, well that's oh no, no, it's it's well documented. Um this was this was five years ago, and it was the best idea because I was at two hundred and sixty pounds and I went down to one thirty and I was skeletal. I needed to gain weight, but I went that's you know what did, Bethany. I finally got to buy clothes because when you're an overweight guy, and I didn't. I didn't hate myself because I was overweight at all. I just didn't like sweating and I wanted to be able to fit into some cool clothes. I went close shopping crazy, and then you can actually start gaining weight. I can't fit into any of those clothes anyway. So our apartment is just sitting there by itself in Tribeca and it still has pre pandemic size clothing in it. So when I go back, I'm like, I have to I have to like pack to go to the city so I can have some jeans that fit now. But no, I lost a lot of weight, And do you still have noise about it at all? Or food noise or that I'm going to be fat again noise or any emotional There has to be an emotional aspect to losing a hushing and thirty pounds. Oh yeah, Like ten miutes before this this podcast, I was at the refrigerator like, what are we gonna talk about. Here's some beef stew um. You know what it is, naturally and my doctor's my surgeon told me that your stomach starts to expand it's just gonna do it. And so now, because you know, I can blame it on pandemic, but it's all me I take for responsibility. So we've been eating, we've been drinking more, you know, we've been making bad decisions. So the weight's starting to come back. So it's bothering me because I never want to go back to that place again. It just wasn't for me. And uh so it's a struggle, but yeah, it's but you have a threshold. You're not really you're not really rationally afraid that you'll go back to that place. You just don't even like not being in control of exactly where it's supposed to be, exactly exactly. Yeah, yeah, it's on a thing. It's I talked about it because it's there's such an emotional aspect to to wait, and I wrote a book on it, naturally Thin and Noise about it and the emotions of it and holding onto things and it's it's a struggle for people, you know, and Also, I have so many friends who triple their workouts during pandemic and they lost a lot of weight, they stopped drinking and didn't have my other friends like me. We went we went the other way. Man. We're like, yes, but you know, we're starting to slow down it. It's it's under control to a point, and I'm feeling pretty good about it. Well, you're amazing. I so appreciate the conversation, the discussion, the authenticity um and just being so honest. So thank you so much for giving me your time. And what did we solve? What? What did we get to here? We got to the takeaway? So I'm gonna do my my I always do reflections, but I'll do them with Elvis because he's not sure that we learned anything. So I didn't say that. I'm asking you what you think, okay. So my reflection is that Elvis Duran is unique in that he knew what he wanted to do or listen to that gut instinct as a child and followed that path, but not with overly being tortured about it, just with one ft in front of the other and always being honest with himself about who he is. That also pertains to his um being gay and finding a way for that to work even in an environment where that would not normally work at all. Dallas, Texas Republican Bible Belt UH. Separately, he has found philanthropy and changed his whole life after not eleven by finding meaning through his career. So you can do something that you love, uh, and it can change. The journey can change, but you also can find meaning through that career, through your career UH, and that you're honest about your relationship and you're genuinely happy and still looking for the next chapter. So you're always searching. But success has been fairly simple, not because it hasn't been hard work, but because it has been about just the journey, not the destination. You're really have a clear brain, a clear head, and you retain information very well, better than anyone else I think I've ever met. Thank you. So that's my takeaway, my reflections. Remember to rate, review and subscribe. I usually do this without you here, but thank you all so much for listening. You're amazing, Elvis, You're incredible, and I appreciate you. Have the happiest holiday, and um I have a happy new year. Thank you. Bethany you were Favis. Thank you very much,