B’s BTS

Published Jun 1, 2022, 7:00 AM

Bethenny was on mic ranting about her daughter Bryn… until Bryn interrupted with a tween emergency. We kept recording and you’re about to hear what happened next! If you’ve ever wondered what Bethenny is like off-mic, you’re about to find out. 

Plus, Bethenny talks about a cringe-y moment she had at Bryn’s school. If you’re trying to be the cool mom, don’t do this.

So I went to a recital at my daughter's school last week, and uh, these kids are aliens, Like it's weird. It's such an interesting age twelve. So they could be dating someone else and not speak to them at all, Like the person doesn't speak like what you guys are dating? You guys said you're dating? Like what do you mean? Why did that person just walked by and you didn't say Hi, I'm mom. I don't know, Like okay, it's like weird aliens like dogs at a dog park, like sniffing each other, like different ways than us adults act like you're not dating that guy. You didn't even say hello to him. What, I don't get it. Okay, So that's that um. Also if they break up with someone like they don't care, they sort of care, they don't care. It's like they have the attention span an emotional capacity of a gnat, but they could get really upset about like Lassie the dog getting hurt on television. It's just they're they're just aliens, these people. And so I was at my daughter's recital and there's a mom that I know who I saw, and her daughter is Brind's age, and in Brine's class, and I had forgotten that. And they lived down the street from each other in the Hamptons and they know each other there. They're only like a hundred kids in the class. So she knows this person and takes classes with them. And so I said to Brian, do you know her? Do you like And she said, yeah, she's nice. And the mom that I saw said that her daughter said Broom is nice. Okay, so they thanked each other are nice, but it was like sort of suspect, like they're not really friends or suss as the kids like to say, but they're not not friends. So we're at the school and I saw the girl and I walked over because I'm thinking, oh my god, my summer because my daughter is you know. She's like, we're we're codependent. We're like Siamese twins. She's on top of me and like, won't let me have one second of my life back. It's just she's obsessed with me, and I love it. It's like living with a stalker in your home. Like I'm like, I need to get a restraining order. I need a second just to like live my own fucking life and my own body. But it's my choice. Like we just we You're like they have the memory of a freaking cocker span and we just we were just together. We had breakfast, we just went to the beach. We just swam. We just took at your cuzy. I just made you uh food. We watched movies last night, you slept in my bed. I brought you into this fucking world. I want one second. I don't want to role play with you like at the pool and talk about let's talk about this. You're this, and I'm I'm like, I'm a person who needs a fucking break, Like I just need a goddamn minute of my life. You didn't have a nanny. I I literally have no friends, no social life, nothing, vodka and my bed and you are the only things I've gone for me like in this lifetime. Like I need a goddamn it just to look at the end side of my eyelids. So anyway, so I'm thinking, oh, this friend is down the street because my daughter doesn't want to go to camp. Let's not do mom shaming and guilty and all this ship. We can do that. Do that with your own fucking friends. I don't want to hear it. I don't give a ship. I have the best kid. I have the best relationship with her. I lived for her. She's right here. Oh it doesn't fit mind, isn't videat. It's a little. You need to get that taken in like a little. She's gonna have to go take it right nowt of the tail back to the tailor. You know what to say at the tailor. Twice today, I love you. I was just talking about how much I love you and how I love that we don't have any space from one another. The side rant is I don't borrow close. It's just a thing that I don't do. I just buy and I just don't care. And I was talking at the Bellas on their podcast about like we don't care enough, we don't like I. I literally drank vodka last night at eleven o'clock. I didn't think about, oh, the MTV Awards. So I called my friend Fernando. He sent me like five options. I picked the second opation he sent it. I pinned it to get a tailor because I have no time to like go be like custom tailored. Who the funk is time for that? So they pinned it sent into my house. Tony tried it on. We're leaving tomorrow doesn't fit. So I had to pin it like the most non professional way, like the binder clips, like the two little clippies, the hard ones. I did it that way, sent my housekeeper to drop it off at the dry cleaner, I mean some random dry cleaner, not like you know, the Bespoke and a wind tour met ball oscar to lorenta justified tailor. We have no time, so we're like Jiffy tail and it's gonna be a ship show and I don't know what it's gonna look like. So that's so. Then she comes home. Her dress got tailored to her dress also doesn't fit. So now we have two situations. One shot at the Apple, we just got one dress. We don't backup plans. I was literally a watch it Happens five and those Beverly Hills housewives they had five dresses, backup dresses, they had warrigal changes, they had jelry backup. I like, it's one and done, Like this is it? This is it you? It's eminem. You only get one shot. Man, that dress doesn't work. I'm I don't. I'm wearing something out of my closet and I'm getting the feeling that might be happening. And I don't know what Brand's wearing. We don't have shoes were a ship show. God, Okay, I know a mom at school and I don't know where that well, but her daughter's brands age. So I think, like, yeah, we have a friend for the summer, Like Brim won't go to camp. She's surgically attached to my body, and like, now we can have a friend down the street. So I thought, like a normal person, I would walk up to the kid because the mom wasn't there to be like it's like a weird It's like they already know each other, so I wasn't introducing them. So I walked up to the girl and said I I'm Brent's mom, and like these kids don't care and they don't need to do pleasantry. So she looked at me like okay, and I thought, oh god, I'm choking. Now I'm like I'm actually choking. I I um okay, uh, well Brand is my daughter like Brand, you know they know each other, they're already I fully choked. I was like, Brennan, let's call her Penelope. But Penelope like Britton. They're like right, we're in the sand. Like what are you doing? And I'm like, oh my god, I'm doing it wrong. And I was like in it. And then kids are relentless. They don't let you out of it. Brand was like hiding in a plant. I thought I was so cool, like I'm cool and I'm also slightly famous, like and I'm also like fabulous, and I'm a beauty influencer and I have a podcast, like I'm cool. I'm like a cool mom at this school and I just walked in thinking I could do what I do every where else and just be like yeah, no. And it was not like it's not no. It was like it was a no. It was an immediately and absolutely and categorically and emphatically now. So now brings a band in me Paul standing there being like wow. So then there's these other parents and they saw me come back and go, oh my god. I just totally choked and the two parents were crying because like they saw it happen too. I was like it just that was so weird. And then like then I said something else to the boy that she was like it was her friend, you know. I said something else to him that was awkward to I'm like, hey, yeah, no, you were great in the concert where I didn't see him in the concert. I just like said that, which is a bold faced light. I didn't see him do anything. I don't even I was actually looking for him and the thing. And then I said where were you sitting? To then prove that I like, I didn't see him. So I was like imagined as an adult, I'm like, oh my god, you were amazing. And then I say, what instrument do you play? Like what's the fucking were you a fucking amateur? Like you you knew? Who are you? You? Like you're fucking a disaster octopus, like with your arms and legs, like your tentacles, like making fools out of yourself at a small school function like that was a today's show, I'd have a I'd be like I was, I'd be better prepared. I don't know. So it just was not. Oh. And also I thought, she's in a concert, don't I've seen don't you get flowers? Ores that happen in high school only when you're like in a play. So she said she's in a concert. So I stapped on the road at this place that I thought with sell flowers like a very fancied Badega and I walked out. I had to pee in the place, and I came out and I forgot and my driver, I know this sounds rich person, but it's I am a rich person. Don't let to tell you. So I came out and my driver said, you forgot what you forgot that you forgot the flowers. So I'm like, oh shit, I was gonna get balloons. So I go back into the Delhi and they only have this like smiley faced box with all this stuff and that like candy and it's got like a bow, and I'm like, that's cooler than flowers. Yeah. So I just think to tell Brent as I go there, and she's like, oh my god, no, that would be like sending someone balloons and they get their period, Like I'm that mom. I've literally thought it was appropriate, like you were in a concert. And so no one had anything. They're like, no one, Like, there's just I just am not. I've got to get my like cool mom game in a public social setting down because it's at a zero right now. We are like not functioning at any capacity. So that was it was all. It was just all, Yeah, I just didn't do great, And there were a couple of other things that I won't mention them now, but it was just not great. So yeah, I didn't handle it great. I'm laughing at TikTok and like this language that isn't based in reality. So every time I make one of his beauty videos, that is literally the only thing in my career that I'm known for. And when I tell you that, I go into CBS and I get stopped by moms. Never has this happened like to this degree. Oh my god, You're doing the Lord's work. Thank you. Like literally, I have done a hundred million dollars in aid to Ukraine and and it's I'm not doing the Lord's work there, I'm not. I'm just doing a normal thing. I talk about lip glass and what to use and whatnot to use at CBS, and I am the Justin Bieber in the makeup world. I'm not kidding. I was coming off the beach last week and someone was like, I can't afford it. You're doing it, thank you so much, Like this is the craziest accidental thing that's ever happened, Thus proving that if you just have fun with something and you just come from the heart, it will usually lead you in the right direction. But when I review these things, if I like it, sometimes I'll say, Okay, I like a picasso, which is not a real thing. It's like some sound that was on TikTok, like I'm speaking in a TikTok language. Immediately. No, I'm not addressed in this crowd right now, like I'm talk I talk talk like I literally talk talk. I'm gonna do it for you right now. Uh, that dress immediately now, Okay, I've seen what I needed to see immediately. No, and then, um, it's about that time, Like, let's get to work. It's about that time. I don't if I If I like something, it's great, let's do it. I don't want to do it. I don't want to go. I don't want to do that. I don't want to go. Someone sells me on it. Okay, I like a picasso, like I'm a tiktalk talk I'm a TikToker. I'm a TikTok talker. It's fucking crazy all day long. I'm at a ten. I'm at a ten right, I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm like this weird short circuited robot that like is just saying things like it just keeps repeating the same weird information and you don't even know what you're talking about, like I'm not a human being. It speaks the English language, and I hate running up the flagpole douche language. I am the queen of douche talk language, the queen like, I don't know anyone else that speaks their entire day, all day, every all day air day, which is not TikTok, that's just another that's another dialective douche language, but all day air day talking and talk. It's ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous. I'm sure I'll say like five more today. Um. On that note, Lizzo, we got frustrated. She did a whole bit of video. It's about that time. Oh, Brent asked me, if it's something in a minute, in a minute, so Lizzo song, it's about that time. And then in a minute. So she did this sort of randy talk where she's criticizing how everybody's been doing that dance in their dances. So she's like, I'm tired of seeing it That's exactly she goes, I'm tired of seeing it in a minute, in a one minute, so condescending, it's hilarious, Okay. So then she gets really mad and she's like, and Valencias. I assume it's Balenciaga Balenciaga shoes or bags or it feels like it's duplicate, so it might be two shoes, but so it's my Balencia ses So in the middle of the video where she's like yelling into the TikTok sphere about how pissed she is, how people are doing it and it's frightening because we're being reprimanded for not doing it right. And then she gets really managed. She says, y'all ain't doing the Balencias. Where the Balencias is at? Y'all ain't doing the Valencias with blas'm I know, I'm sorry, but like, where are the Valenciasa is at? Like the Balencias is at. They're not here, they're here. Well that's not a real word. What are fucking balencias. I'm doing the Balencias is wrong. I don't even know what the Valencias are, but I'm concerned because I'm doing the Balencias is wrong. So it's like the truly dance to the valenciass new made up TikTok word in the new made up TikTok dance for the Lizzos song. Y'all don't be doing the Balencias where Valencias is at. So believe me when my assistant does something this week and it's not like up to snuff, I'll be like, y'all, I've been doing the Balenciases where the Blancias is at. Jesus, you should sucking no better man. We'll do the Valencias where the Valenciases are at, and everybody will be Okay. Should have been a chapter in my book, Business is Personal. Do the fucking Valencias where the Valencias are at. Okay, Life will go much easier that way if you want to win at life, to the fucking Valenciasis where the Balenciasis at. You know, what did I tell What did I tell you? What did I tell you about doing the Balencios is wrong? Okay, don't make me get up out of this chair. Do the Balencias is right. Okay. Lizzo has spoken and we're not. Lizzo is a member of the not fucking around crew, and you better do those fucking Balencias where they are at. The Valencias are here, so come up to their level.

Just B with Bethenny Frankel

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