Welcome to Ja dot M, a production of I heart radio. What's up everybody, it is always a pleasure to share thoughts and feelings with you. You You know, just have conversation to spark some conversation. Chow. Welcome to J dot elder podcast. This is Jill Scott. Jill Scott, I gotta say it right because you know, there is an exclamation point at the end of my name all my birth certificate. It's Jill Scott. Yeah, I'm here with my sister friends, like it's St Claud No, it's no, it's just a period, like it's Saint Clair. Sorry, Jill, we're not all that privileges, just like Ya, St Clair. And was there a period? There actually wasn't, but in my mind it's a period, period, period, and the lovely age of great and dance La yes, come more high filations like it. You know you're into the friends. Listen to me. I'm struggling. I'm struggling with trying my best to have some discipline. Okay, just discipline. You know, I'm I'm supposed to be Um doing a lot of things on a daily basis and I just don't want to me like, I don't know what's happening and my because of my age, I'm like, I'm going to opt down with these things. You know, like I want I want my house a certain way. My House is together, but my room, I don't. I don't want. No, I don't want to dog like it's terrible. You got a messy room, just guys. That what you're saying. I am saying it. I'm saying it. Well, my yeah, my part of the room is is messy and of the bathroom is messy. Like that's not what's up, like what's going on? And I live with somebody who's a neat freak. Oh, that's cool. See what your finger up there, your agent, why are your finger like that? What was that I just said? That's that's a toughie. That's a toughie. How does one get self discipline? How? There are people, there are people out here. I know that they are faithful and they go to the gym at least three or four times in a week, you know, and I'm like, it's Jim in my basement and I know where it is. You might have to change that phrasing from like self discipline, like how does one get they ask motivated, because that's what it's saying, like it could be motivation, but I think I think discipline is is kind of a discipline to keeping active. I think they are cousins. I think motivation and discipline are definitely cousins. They grew up in the same household, because you gotta stay you gotta get motivated so you can be disciplined. You gotta get more evaded. I don't know. I have definitely you have to be discipline on top. Yeast. WHO has discipline? Who? I love her? I don't know. I love her. beyonce. Oh girl, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that, don't even bend. You her name. Don't put that kind of pressure on us. Don't be that. First of all, that's that's not I don't know. It was a lot to live up to. It's like saying, Obama, I can't really deal with that, that that kind of pressure. Know, I'm sorry, Michelle, Obama, waking up before in the morning. Wait, you know, doing your workout like every day forward. That's why you look so also, you know, I refused to compare myself to exceptionalism that is absolutely fueled by wealth and privilege. Thank you. I am not comparing myself. I'm just saying there's a lot of things. Actually, there's a lot of things that led that woman to be that. That's not to take away. This is not to take that woman. Okay, first of all, you know who named somebody beyonce, somebody who last name is beyonce. Yea, that's her last name. Is Actual family names. Her maiden name is beyonce, because that's amazing to me. I'm here for it, but I get it. But but honestly, still like it's very much like giving you're gonna be a thing to the discipline started a long time ago, parents, you know, and making sure that starts and in high heels and dancing and running in hills, you know. Like I feel like discipline is something that starts really early rather than something that you naturally just pick up. You know how people go into the military and get get disciplined. I feel like if Mama Joyce was on the line, she might be like, but I instilled some discipline in you for certain lives flies, but you had at least make up your bed before you left that room. You had. I don't necessarily know that that was that was disciplined in fact, let's to keep it all the way gully. The only chores that I really had to do was I did I did the base boards, but I love doing the base boards. I did the base boards and I and I cleaned the porch. Those were two things that I love to do. So it wasn't like, it wasn't punishment and it wasn't necessarily disciplined. I was like, the base sports are dirty and I went to work. They didn't have to ask. Asia you hear it? Is We get into the root of it? Do you hear this? Did You am hearing the roots? Did you have chores? A what did your Um? I definitely had chores. However, my sister and I are seven years apart, so I really kind of had two mothers. So I had a lot less to do than my sister did. So I came into kind of a certain discipline later. So, in comparison to my sister, always was way less discipline than she and we still are. We're still the sway. So I do think some precedents. So, Oh, I did have to make my bed up. Don't get me wrong, my mother was that was something that my mom did not tolerate. But here's the thing when I got to be a teenager, something that I got in trouble for all the time was my bedroom, right, we all I mean, that was a big deal. My mother. My mother actually came to visit me as an adult and was just like, oh, are we making up bes daily now? Okay, oh, that's cute, that's nice, that's nice. I think. You know what? I think? I got disciplined. I got boot camp discipline. It's I became a mother and it was like I became a mother and then I became a mother again and then again, and then it was just like, if you're not disciplined under those circumstances, it's gonna be chaos, but they'll be K I anyway. But I don't know. This me trying to discover discipline and motivation at this moment in my life has proven to be quite difficult, specifically if I'm having to be disciplined or motivated for myself. Yeah, there you go, there you go, because y'are not putting itself. If I have to write, if I have to walk, if I have to you know, any of that. It's gotten progressively more challenging the older I get, because I'm, you know, I might at some point. That should be cool. I really want to go to the lake. You know, let's go to the lake. I don't have a lake. You know. People are waiting on me, you know. So that's the that's the hard part, and I want to give them what they what they need now. I want to give them what they need, but I also need stuff, you know. I need to take the walk, I need a peace of mind, I need to take the nap, I need to you know, Um, being around some musicians, it kind of just hang out with no particular way to go, you know, like my needs. I feel like I've gotten stronger and the discipline is kind of running away from me and I need I need to to after that more real talk after the break. Here's a thought. There was a time, and even in some countries outside of this particular one, where life itself is a lot less centered around like tasks, trying to be successful. There was once upon a time, even in this country, where to be fifty years old was to be retired, to be not working, to not have to to to be moving into the leisure season of one's life. I'm living America, I'm an American. I feel the same way, anytime you sit for a certain amount of time and you get that guilty feeling like I could be you know, you could be doing something else, like it's an American thing. It's American pressures, American pressures. It's like this exceptionalism craziness, like we just gotta be jumping out, like I blame did it, and Steve Harvey too, because he don't. And Steve Harvey and Ryan CCREST. And I don't need all the money either. I don't need all of it. I need some, I could, I could go with some more, but I don't need all of it and I don't and I'm not interested in working myself to lunacy. Like I don't know what Andre Three stacks is doing today, but I don't. Is Free, mazing. He is so free off somewhere, girl. He walking around with a flute. He don't give a funk. He's wearing overalls. We know he's wearing overalls. Girl. He's not dyeing his hair. No, he is not cutting this girl, freedom. Something about that thing is just it's right and all exciting. So maybe what you're doing, so maybe what you're doing is not having a lack of discipline. Maybe what you're doing is an act of resistance. What's gonna words? That's my friend with the words. You know, I love it because, look, just trying to find peace with that, like really trying to find peace with that. My kid is thirteen. I really like being around him, you know, I know, and I know the time is short, you know, Um, obviously I don't know how long I got, but I like him and he likes you, so that's cool. He does like it's so fun. But that means, you know, we literally have about five years before, you know, he starts making major life decisions and they and according to him, he wants to go to school. He wants to go to school in Paris, and I'm like, Oh, you know, this is what happens when you do it. They love it because they're supposed to. Yeah, yeah, global citizens. Yeah, I mean. Now, don't get it twisted, Jill as, you're happiness revelation for everybody else that's under fifty. Now you're airing this ship. Yeah, I'm just joking. I'm not mad at that, because I would have said that to me at thirty five. And hold up, we gotta do the Asia. Two Lens. Who is to tell one where, how they have worked hard, how hard they have worked and when they should stop. If they have worked and when, and why should one work that's so hard in life? Should you not enjoy it? I'm trying to do with all the lenses. I mean, I just look at like this, right, even though I when I said consider that I would saying consider that at one point fifty was an Asian in which people quote time. Now I want to circle back. Now we all know the act of retirement and the idea of the workforce and how long you work and when you get to relax is, you know, basically for the white this is not some black people have always worked. They worked until they were older. They worked, you know, and then we have some black folks that definitely fit into the kind of middle class framework and yes, they dive retired. We know some of them were related to some of but for the most part, as a group of people in this country, we've always worked through every generation, all our lives. We've always technically Asian that we deserve to rest more than anybody based is. This is why you see, oh, that's it. Did I really did say that? That That that's what was gonna you did? You said what I was from the say. HMM, so, yeah, this vacation is on the back of our ancestors. They paid for this, they paid blood sweat. I don't think. I don't think she'll mind me sing is um at all. I have a girlfriend, Um, that I love so much and she's really successful now. A couple of years ago she took off, either it was a year or two years, just to do yoga. Oh, in one place, or did she move around? I'm not really sure how the how it went down, but she saved enough money so that she could do what she wanted to do, eat how she wanted to eat and, you know, travel if she needed to. Not so much wanted to, but needed to. and Um and you just did yoga. I wonder, how connected to mind, body and spirit. And then she came back swaring and swinging and I'm like that's that sounds so lovely. I think that goes into the thought of how does one become motivated and disciplined about the right things? Is it? Are you motivating disciplined about your own self, love, care, existence, evolution? What are you dedicating this discipline too? You just poured warm but on all my soul. You really you just you just massided it in. I feel so much better, like, Oh my God, I love Y'All. Welcome to the PODCAST. Yeah, as I as I recorded from the corner of my messy bedroom, out the right things for you, individual league, as an individual. Huh, because ain't nobody I wanted you anybody complaining about your your messy area of the bedroom. It's just it's you right, no, nobody in mind. And I feel like, as long as I keep the rest of the house as it should be, quote unquote, you know, where it's not a bunch of stuff laying around and things are clean, you know what I mean? Like nobody's embarrassed, you know, they walk into the house, they're like, Oh, it smells so nice, like I like that. I like smelly good, you know. But my side of the room is kind of like, you know, it's half written, half half song. have read. I went and searching. I checked out Forbes, for this is nine powerful ways to cultivate extreme self discipline, because, you know, beyonce is real, she's actually exists. Like, what the Hell, how do I? How do I change myself for the best? Now, if we're talking about what's best for me personally, right, what you need to do first, and then you could take you know, put your seatbelt on first. Go ahead, yes and no. I'm just saying that now that I realized what this, this this self discipline and motivation, is really about. Like, the goal is joy, Goddamnit, the goal is joy. Right. So, and I would say this is not motivated, quote unquote, or discipline, because those things are part of of of a society or or part of a community. That's really it's not really for you. It's joy looking forward to those things. I love this ship right here. Um, here's a step one. Know your strengths and weaknesses. We all have weaknesses, whether they're the desire for alcohol, tobacco, unhealthy food, obsession over social media, video games, blah, blah, blah, um, they all have a similar effect on us. Weaknesses don't just come in the form of areas where we lack self control either. We all have our strong suits and the stuff we kind of stick at, stink at. For example, don't care for having difficult conversations, lengthy paperwork that involves digging up old documents. Um, I don't like that. Um. So, you know, I have somebody that helps me out with those things because I don't want to do that, okay, and I avoid those activities because I don't want to do them. So that means I have to have a lifestyle where I can pay somebody to do those particular activities, and then what I do have to do is look over it and make sure that I'm comfortable with the decisions that have been made on my behalf. Okay, Um, so that was no, your strengths and your weaknesses. So I know that I don't really like to work out, but I do like to play a silly game of a tag, you know, playing football, catching the ball, running around with it, like riding a bike, especially at night, because I like to look in people's houses. I'm just saying my own personal strength, because you live around the folks. So, yeah, I want to see what they do. In love. I just want to say what y'all doing, and I love that. You said you don't like to work out, but you just named all the all of the workout things, like running with the ball and riding a bike, and it's the word. What she's saying is that, you know, the tradition, not traditional. Some people have a vision in their mind of what working out is. Yeah, and she's not into that. I feel you. That's not my scrump being in the gym like that. That's not that's not a love for me. Yeah, you know, but I do like riding a bike and I do like riding a stationary bike, but I also have to be my check a movie. Damn that. You get your workout in if you're watching a movie by riding a stationary bike. Ship talks. That's like my point. Oh, that's actually pretty cool. That is actually pretty cool. That's a good idea. Wait A, Dude. I have discipline, though, but I'm at least I I you know, going through this one point at a time, knowing your strength and weight and weaknesses. Okay, step two, remove temptation. MM HMM. Okay, like the saying, goes out of sight, out of mind. I have to move the weed. I have to move the weed from out of my sightline. Oh, so here's a little discipline, and I teach my my young, my young smokers and stoner's out there who you know, you know, because sometimes you've got to be self disciplined. So my thing is, at the very least, wait until after five to smoke, right, and so when all your business is done, but also don't have that ship like in your visual site, because at any given time, on a stressful phone call or something, you're gonna get triggered and you're gonna want to hit that ship. So make sure that you keep your marijuana stored in the place out of your eyeline eyesight. That will help you with that discipline. Sorry. No, I appreciate that. We'll be back after the break. Whether I'm not sure. This is discipline and that's you know, let's start there. I just know that this is kind of how I try to move through my life. Is, Um, I try to incorporate a little bit of work and a little bit of leisure in every single day so that I'm kind of start a lifestyle change to where, like I'm it's a rhythm that I get into where I'm like, okay, I know that each part of my day is going to involve accomplishing something towards the goal, but also taking care of myself, because I feel like the start stop never really works for me. If I just say, Oh, today I'm taking care of myself, the next day I'm feeling drained again and then it's like it's not like I'm I feel like I'm not filling up this reserve bucket of care like that I could just pull from that bucket because I filled it up, you know, yesterday or the day before. I feel like I have to be in this kind of constant rhythm with it, and I'm like that with work too. I'm that way with goals also. I have to consistently be doing something towards that goal on a daily basis or I will walk away from it, I will get distracted by just the sheer volume of responsibilities that I have and it's just nothing I can do about that. They're not gonna go anywhere, they're just going to evolve. At one point I thought, oh well, when my kids get this age, Oh, then they got that age and then they had different needs. Oh well, when I go this or when I'm off, when it's the summer. Oh, but then the summer brings a whole another kind of you know, Um Business and whatever it brings. So I just realized I'm never going to get to you know, that moment that's perfect for anything, whether it's a task that's about work or one that's about my own self preservation. I just kind of have to be consistently engaged. I don't know how smart that is, because sometimes you don't need to be engaged in anything. See that. Then number two doesn't necessarily work for everybody, because when it says remove temptations, your temptations are seven people. I cannot remove them. That needs stuff and and want your eyes on them. You can't remove your temptations in that way, except if you were to take a particular day and disappear for the day or a particular time of day, though, Jill, because that's what age is saying. Like well, I will say this. It's a particular time of the day. If I say to the children, I've taken to saying this to them quite a bit, I'll say, Hey, the office is closed, the office closes at certain times. I deal with office hours with the kids, because I realized, like, if I'm not if I'm not being whoa disciplined about how I allowed them to engage with me, then nobody's gonna no one's gonna respect the boundary. I'M gonna be on, the green light is gonna be on. Come on in. From the moment I opened my eyes to the moment that I closed them. I'm available. So I have to say, yeah, at this time, we're done, man, you know, and I just started doing that, and that's because the change in the kids needs. Now it's not about changing diapers or making sure they have a lunch box. Now it's like I have a serious, like emotional issue that I'm dealing with. I have a serious life decision to make. I am you know, all of these things are starting to get more complicated and you don't have to have kids feel that too, and removing those things. I was just thinking. I was like, first, some of the multi hyphen it's out there to people who got multiple gigs and they devote some of their so much of their time the other things. That's why I say it's a time of day. It's like a couple. I was talking to some some folks the other day and we were like, we need to take two hours a day, whether it be early in the morning, but this is your time now, nobody else's time, and that's whether you've got kids, jobs or parents that are older that's gonna be calling and breaking you up the first thing in the morning. You got to let them know. Sometimes you gotta just let folks know these are my hours, or just put your phone on, do not disturb if you don't want to, think nobody. Oh I love that. Oh I love that. Everybody. Please hold onto that one that do not disturb on that phone, hm to, just to give yourself some time and a break. And if you do it every day, you know that is what that's discipline. M Hm Yo. Can I tell Y'all, speaking of discipline, a girlfriend I went to an industry event. She's in the TV industry, and she was talking to a dude she had just Matt and think about this for discipline. They're talking and and all of a sudden his phone goes off and he says, Oh, my timer just went off. I think I told you all this. My timer just went off. This is usually when I cut conversation short because I have a timer so I don't be talking for too much to one person. Um, but I'm enjoying this conversation, so I'm going to let the timer go. I'm partially scared, like I'm I'm, I'm I'm an intrigue, but I'm also like, who, what's that? I mean, it's it's a boundary. It's that's a boundary. I gotta respect that. Who knows why he implemented it. Also, I think he was managing his time. He was managing his time and being productive with his time in his mind, like. So, yeah, so I don't know, that doesn't work for me because I would feel that that was slightly rigid. But look, I just started an interesting way to keep your discipline and to keep your life regimented, and not energies as well, and manage energies outside energies, because that's a big thing too. Write like I mean to be honest. We do live in a time period where we are interacting with a lot of people, you know, and maybe generations before us just didn't have to interact so much, and we do, whether it's digitally or whether it's in person. We're interacting with hell of people. So I can understand that maybe maybe in this time period, this day and age, that that's a necessary boundary, right, even a phone call, even if you do that, you know, in your day, and I'm not saying I'm not suggesting this to people, but I'm just giving examples of how people have their own ways of control and discipline and control in their life so that it doesn't, you know, overwhelm them. Like even phone calls I'm sorry, Jill, back to your list. Fair enough, yeah, fair, fair enough. Step step three here, according to Forbes, is to set clear goals and have an execution plan. If you hope to achieve greater degrees of self discipline, you must have a clear vision of what you hope to accomplish. Just like any goal, you must also have an understanding of what success means to you. Remember that, organize. That's that's important. Yes, it's like I feel like we talked about in the show, like what success means to you. When I when I talked about my rhythm, when I get up in the morning, I decide what are you going to accomplish today, and I kind of try to stick to that rather than what I would typically do is let the day dictate and then I would add things on and add things on and then, before you know what, I didn't accomplish any of the things because I have too many things going on. One I'm feeling frustrated, blah, blah, Blah Blah. Now I'm like, yeah, I'm doing this today, like nothing else is getting done. This is getting done today because I feel like at least I can go to bed that night and say I said what I was gonna do. I made a goal. I've reached that particular goal and for me it's micro goals because my personality functions better with that. I get overwhelmed if I'm thinking too far in the future, and I think also that has to do with with I think that has to do also do with having children, because kids are so unpredictable. You'll have a plan or something you're trying to do and they will come and throw a monkey mentioned that beach. So fast, so fast, so fast. Yeah, I was out the other day taking care of something that I had to take care of. I said this was on my list for the day. I got a phone call from the school and it was like Lana's eyes swollen and she needs you to pick up and the nurse Ain't there, and I'm like what the what? And I had to stop. You know, it's that kind of you know, monkey wrench. Yep, easy to do. But what I did do in that situation was called my child and say, is this an emergency? It wasn't. I said I have to finish what I'm doing right now. I'm gonna Finish that and as soon as I'm done with that, I will come directly to pick you up. DISC so discipline. I was proud of my my myself too. I said I was going to clean my kitchen yesterday. I meant not just clean the kitchen, I meant go through the cabinets, clean out whatever clutter and dust is there, go through and and organized my glasses and you know, Um, I put the little fuzzy stuff at the bottom of the things so my pants don't get all scratched up. You know what I mean. I organized more so than I'm I'm I know what I said. I said clean, but it was really organizing my kitchen. And when I was done and it, and it took me about a good three hours, I listened to some good music and even though the man and the boy wanted to continuously pull me away from what I was doing, I didn't allow it, even though I was interested in what they were talking about and interested in what they wanted to share and show, I just didn't do it. And then there was a little moment of tense because I'm like, all I said was and almost like yeah, I got that part, but I'm I can't do this. I have to do this thing right now. And I felt really great about it. And when I came downstairs this morning, I looked in in the kitchen, I was like yeah, I opened the drawers and I was like yeah, that like yeah, and so I get what you're saying, like micro dosing when it comes to Um Your Chore, you know, or with the thing that you're trying to get accomplished. I get that. Okay, okay, closer. Yeah, I feel better about myself than when I'm like I gotta do this, this, this, this, this into for me. Sometimes you gotta write that ship down. So, y'all, I had to go get me a white board. Got Me a white on that white board fold categories on it. It's a J I L Q l as loving grit and LAIA's world. Yes, and once in that feeling of actually taking your marker and scratching through something that feels so good. At least if you could scratch through, you a good three things on that white board. Just erase it. Yeah, winning, progress, winning. Thank you. Oh, I got one, y'all, I got one. I got one. I got one. I'm delegating responsibility learning. That's that's about forty year old ship right there. Now, now you're talking about some delegation that's on the list. That's on the list, that's on the list. Oh Nice, oh good. Okay. Well, I know that we we talked about you know, there's certain things that I don't really like to do and you're saying your list like there's certain things I just don't I don't want to be I don't want to know your strength and your weaknesses. What are my strengths and weaknesses? What I'm saying is that not necessarily based on your strengths and weaknesses. I'm talking about sometimes time opportunity, sometimes also to benefiting from things that other people can do that, whether it's your strength or not, maybe it's they need to do it so you can do something else right, and not trying to be every woman. Not trying to be every woman, because the thing is like, yes, I am by far the best organizer and cleaner rupper in this house. The thing is that I'm not gonna always be the person to take on that. This happened today. I had a GIG yesterday. I came home from my Gig this Um with about an hour and a half to prepare for this. When I came in the house, my house was not acceptable. Now, typically what I would do is. Okay, let me just get this together, because I know I can do it quickly and it's gonna look the way I wanted to look when I'm done. I know I can get this done in the in the a lot of time. And I stopped myself and I said no, no, no, no, no, everybody, come downstairs. You're gonna do this. You do this, you do this, this is how this is done. I want you to do this. This includes this, this and this. When I tell you to clean this kitchen, that means also mop the floor, that means also wipe down the cabinet doors. That also means clean out the bottom of the container day that you put the dishes in. This is all of this means those things. So one of the things that, even though I've taught my children to clean up, I have teenagers. I'm sorry, I don't know how that brain function works, but apparently you gotta tell them fifteen thousand times to do the same thing. But one of the things I realized too, is that, once again, that by the time I sat down to do this, all of that was accomplished and I didn't have to run myself ragged to do that. And your mind could be on reset for your what you got to do and focus on this, that was self discipline and self care in that moment to ages, because that's what you needed to be prepared, because we have conversations here. We got to you got to have your mind right settled. I'm just saying it's better to delegate those things that you could be absolutely and this is that. This is all the time, though. This is so many times that I would have taken on a responsibility in this house because I'm used to it, because I like the way I do it, because I do it well, when I could have not allowed my day to be so packed full by simply saying someone else do this, come do this or x, Y Z. and if I didn't have children, then I would have had to discipline myself, to hire somebody, which to bring somebody in. These are all things that that that are not necessarily the children involved themselves, not because I think that my kids are laborers, but because my children are part of a community which is my household, and every person who is a part of the community must contribute to the community. So I want to be clear on that. There's an old school black parent way of doing things that make kids labor. That's not what I'm talking about. Come from downstairs in the basement to hand me to promote. I hated that. I thought that was so whack. Why you want me to open the window you're sitting next to. Stop playing with my life. I've only seen, I only telling at my at my cousin's house, and I thought that I was like y'all slaves anyway. So, but can I just say real quick on that cleaning the house thing. On a I think this is such an interesting time to where, like more people are seeing that if they can afford to have somebody come clean their spot, like this wasn't commonplace fifteen years ago. But I just and I'm envious because I still have not had the discipline enough to think that my house is clean enough to have somebody come clean it, because that's a whole another mind fuckery thing of like I just I'm not righting to me just clean a little bit. I'm thinking, like my house got to be organized for somebody to clean it. That's my thing, is like sometimes I don't feel like I'm organized enough for somebody else to come clean it, because they're gonna be like where does go. Where does go? They all clean around your mess and because it's clean, you'll organize it. I know I gotta get so that's what yeah, I'm listen, I'm yes, yes, Jill, I know you're right. I know what you're saying is right. They're clean around your mess and you'll be like wow, this looks really good. Let me organize it so the next time that they come. You know, it gets better and better as you go along, and that's why I wanted to shout out to people who actually take do this kind of thing, because that's a whole another level to me of self care, because you know, it's like why am I doing this if I don't have to, if I've worked hard enough that I can pay somebody to do this. It's it's beautiful, it's it's a beautiful treat yourself. You go treat yourself. You're right. I'm just gonna stop playing that and think about it. That's creating jobs because at the end of the day, that's honest and beautiful work to come in and make somebody's home clean and and functional. I'm sorry, and we all know cleaning is not everybody's ministry. Amen. Some people are just very talented at that very can I just tell you all just now? I hate to go down to tangent, but it gets me a little emotional when I think about it sometimes, because I think about all of the new ethnicities that are now cleaning houses for a living and have businesses, and then I think, like my grandmama used to do it like white folks and it was a totally different thing and like not in in these people, not knowing that she didn't get paid her worth and how people now have been. It's a whole mind, but that's a tangent. We're talking about that on that the Wazoo for do not even know, and thinking that coming to my house cleaning, thinking that I got and may not know that my grandmother used to do this ship for damn near free, and then the white man didn't give give her the scraps from their dinner table to take to her family. Like it's a whole history of this, but that was it's interesting about that, but shout out to all those who have cleaning businesses now. It's word where my grandmother was a housekeeper for then she was made right, yeah, for a Jewish family, and they taught her. They taught her a lot, whether they intended to or not, but she learned about she count queen and furniture. She learned that Um quality furniture you can't feel the bones in it. She learned about towels, like I'm grateful what what good China is, whether they intended on it or not, she learned quite a bit funny, because I'm like, as we translate the experience, and I know she translated it for you in that way, I still say that ship wasn't all, like you said, ships and Giggles, you know. I just this is the first time that we're learning how to FROLIC. We're actually having a conversation about self care and about discipline and motivation, because most of the time it's been an effort to stay to stay alive. Yes, and now we're able to have some options and choices and that's a beautiful thing. Thank you, Susie, thank you Margaret, thank you blue okay, yes, also, now we're able to create a different type of work environment for those people, for people who do do that work, because we actually don't have to hire those particular new companies. We can hire folks that we know need that type of work and do that type of work and do it well and create a different type of work experience for them. For them. I'm so glad you said that. Shout outs to my Auntie Michelle, that cleans my Mama House, that leaves it smell on like lemon grass and coming here with hugs and kids. He said, Oh, it's the best feeling. Oh and yes, it's lemon grass. Lemon grass is my set. I just need you to know that. And Jasmine. I like stuff that smells like Cilantro. Don't ask me the questions. Um, shout out to Lance. You know, y'all know my my my brother. Um. Shout out to Lance's sister, Carol Man. When I when I lived in Philly, Carroll would come to my spot and she would clean it with so much love. Oh my God, I love to overtake Carol. It was just a joy. What else? What can I do for Your Carol? What else she was? She was wonderful. Definitely love her for that. Here's another one. This is this is step forward. This is practice, daily diligence. So I you know, I was saying that nobody's really born with discipline. You you, you pick it up. Um, somebody's gotta teach you how to do these things. But they're saying that we aren't. We aren't born with self discipline. It is a learned behavior. So they're saying exactly what I'm saying. And just like any other skill you want to master, it requires daily practice and repetition. It must become habitual. That part daily practice. I mean yes, absolutely. I could, you know, do the night yoga with Um Rodney Lee. I could do the nighttime yoga. You know what I'm saying. We're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be right back, you know, beyond. I supposed to send me something. I'm so excited. I can't wait to see whatever it is. She gonna send you one in box thing all the calls and ship, I don't know. I have no idea. It could it could be a pickle, pick foot, it could be anything. I don't know. I love her and I'm still do fee ship. Every time I'm around that woman I'd be like I've never ever met her. Never. I can't. She tried. I've talked to myself on my way into things like all right, you know you're gonna see. Be Honest, I get yourself together. You know, every time I talked to her only twice, but she like want to us, she do feel like us. I'd be like, that's how she can't. I can't talk, I can't. And she loves you so Goddamn much. Her too. I love her, love her lover. She does this thing on the plastic on the couch song that sounds just like you. She does this thing is vocally I'm a. She does it a couple of times and I said I believe me. I was like, that's me, she loves me. She did a thing. Said, oh, that's too. And then there's that one song that said it was just like Kelly Roland, just like Kelly row I mean she definitely studies like vocal stylings. That's one thing I think is kind of cool about what she does is that she has the she has the technical skill and the education. She has a thing where she can mimic stylings that everybody can't do. That that's what makes her actually quite different. That with the Grace Jones cut, I was like, okay, even to me. But she does that with afrobeat, she does it with Reggae, she's done it with country, she's done it with pop. I mean she knows how to create the character needed for the for the record, I feel like that is that's discipline. I feel like. I really feel like that. She actually takes the time to study and practice things. She's very well, obviously gifted as so much, but she she clearly takes the time to practice a thing, and that's that's what that's what I'm talking about. When I'm like, Damn, in my beyonce, mine, like I have to get a lot more, more, and actually, I want to say this, I think that because the people around her respect that how important that processes. When she had children, her children were brought into her life in such a way, incorporated into her life in such a way that respected that. That space to study was is needed, and I think that's what allows her to be mother to three children into also, I mean outside of half. You know, just because you can pay for help doesn't mean you get good help. There's that the people around her respect her process and there are people who love and respect her. You can tell that because you can't function like that in those dual roles, the type of time and energy she has to put in to be excellent. That up all night, that that that that constant boom, boom, boom. Yeah, no, and that's that's a requirement. That's that's a requirement moving forward. When you know that you need time, you don't want to be with anybody that's monopolizing all of your time or trying to. That's that's a real thing, you know, getting away from from the people that you love in order to finish the process of what you're trying to do and them allowing you to get away. Yes, step five here is to create new habits and rituals. Working on it. I like to meditation piece I was talking about earlier. I was like, I know, Damn well, I need to get up in the mornings and do more these meditations on the daily just start my day off right. But it's the foundation you are laying. This is what angel was saying earlier. Is exactly what she was saying. To avoid feeling intimidated, keep it simple, break your goals into small, doable steps, the micro dose of, you know, accomplishments. Don't make it so heavy. Um. Number six is change your perception about willpower. You know perception as a mother. If you believe you have limited amount of willpower, you probably won't surpass those limits. What about changing your perception? The seal candidate who believes they probably won't make it through training will not succeed. Why assume our will to win can only take us so far? When we embrace the mindset of unlimited willpower, we continue to grow, achieve more and develop mental toughness. It is the simple philosophy as setting stretched goals. In short, our internal conceptions about willpower and self control can determine how disciplined we actually are. I love it so any time that I'm like, Oh, I'll never be able to I can't do that, you know you better watch you, as as they say it around that way, watch your motherfucking mouth. Definitely have to watch the words you put out there and you affirm, and watch you and manifest, because Ye, don't say what you can't do. Don't say what won't happen. Don't say what won't happen. Say Well, will if you wanted to. Anybody that's listening to Jay Dot Il the PODCAST, you know that this is not just about, you know, three women expounding on our experience and all the things that we know. We're in the process of growing and learning every day and we're just exceptionally blessed to be able to share these conversations with you, um, because really and truly we want that for you, to want you to grow, I want you to to figure out what you haven't yet and know that you know. This is this is a price sets. It's all a process and I definitely appreciate having this conversation. I feel like I'm learning so much. Step number seven is give yourself a backup plan. Okay, this is controversial, though. You ever heard that? Uh, I don't even know who it was. I think it was Keena and ivory wains or Damon wains or somebody. I think it was Smith, was it? Somebody says something ball playing a and there's no other plans. Yeah, like don't have a backup plan or fallback something. Don't have it. It's like, that's interesting. I don't agree. I think you're supposed to be playing him. Oh, that didn't work, okay, moving on. Hey, that didn't work. Okay, that didn't work. Moving on. That's what I think. And eventually, if you've got the skill set or the talent or the personality or the inclination, something's gonna hit. Yeah, something that's absolutely gonna hit. As long as it's something that you love to do, then you're you're good. Yeah, because I feel like in my life um flexibility has been like a blessing for me and but also too. I wanted to kind of circle back to what you said, was you know something's gonna hit. I think people just really don't understand what a blessing consistency really is when you really be on top of it and you stay on top of and you keep going and keep doing what's necessary, like it's going to come together, like it really is. But I just feel like for some reason we can talk ourselves out of of the the growth and the consistency necessary to reach a goal before you can even get there, because we expect certain things to happen and certain things to kind of validate the efforts that we do. I come from Joyce you know. One day she come home and like I make smoothies, and then she makes smoothies and then the whole neighborhood be on on Joycey's movies and then she's like Hey, I'm going to sleep for a week, I'm going to I'm going to make dressers. She made anything and felt anything she felt like doing. That's how we survived based on, you know, whatever came up to her mind at that moment, a dress sign. That's when you're playing m stuff comes from. That's fascinating. I mean it always fascinates me when you know the history of somebody right, like when you really know the context, it's like, oh, okay. That's why Jill always has BC yet and that's why Jill does also detest when people are are frivolous, because if it wasn't for the pants that she made, she wouldn't have been able to buy the wood cutter thingy that she had. I forget what kind of blade that was, but she wouldn't have been able to buy that. And then, if she hadn't done so well with all the address signs, she and have been able to get the all apolyor thing and the standing machine that she had to make her dressers. You got, you must have this whole philosophy that kind of like there's no reason why you can't figure out a way to to if your mind is right and everything else is right inside of you and physically, why can't you figure out a way to provide, or at least like eat in a way right, like what can we do punch Ranella, punch enel. What can you do? And shoot, yeah, I can do it. Do but you know what I'm saying, like you might actually really want. I mean, I'm not gonna lie to you. I definitely the first love has always been writing. It's always been that. As I was trying to get work as a writer, I sang so they could understand what I was writing. And they're like, Hey, you're a singer. I was like yes, yes, and then sure, I am. Yeah, and then, you know, one thing led to another, and you know, the poetry thing. I never stopped that because I always loved writing. And then they were like you're an actor, and I was like, indeed, lie that. Yes, Song's gonna work, because I mean it all and I'm not mad at any job that I have. I'm not. You know, well, if this doesn't work out, I'm gonna do construction. I did demolition and realized I don't want to do that. You know, my back still is mad at me about that one. But to rum nonetheless. But you tried it because you could, because your body could. Wouldn't let you do it at the time and you were able. Yeah, but not pay for that one. Um I'm gonna give you these last two real quick step eight, fine trusted coaches or mentors. We talked about this all the time. Yeah, find somebody that can help. God you along the way, because nobody knows everything. You think are wonderful. BEYONCE doesn't have people talking to her. But WHO's she talking to? I would listen. I want to know beyonce's mentor. That's right. Right. I'm like, is it like missy? That? Maybe missy. That is one in a way. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. But wait, man, I don't know. That's a that's a level of accountability. I don't think I'm ready for to be beyonce's mentor. No, to meet beyonce's mentor. Do you bow? Like what you like? Right, what do you do? Curtsy, for sure. Step number nine, according to Forbes on how to have self discipline and motivation, I probably threw that in there, is forgive yourself and move forward. Oh, you're gonna make that sound easy like that. Okay, that's cute. That's cute. That's so. You're not saying so added yourself is you didn't accomplish this thing. Forgive Yourself. It's nothing. Has An opportunity to wake up tomorrow. See, that's some self that's high level self work. You can do that thing. That doesn't mean that we get to just keep putting it off and putting it off, because that's not that's discipline. That's just more procrastination, and we've got plenty of that. Plenty. But forgive yourself lovingly and move forward. That's that's number nine. Are you know, all right, Forbes? You know I'll rock with you on this one. I've seen some things that work. Nine powerful ways to cultivate extreme self discipline. I don't know about the extreme portion, but I'm gonna take what I can get from out of this thing because I've got some goals. I definitely do. I also think um congratulate us for having already implemented some of these things already than being a part of our personal ways of doing things, and so maybe we weren't as off we thought we were. I hugged myself really softly. Just thank you so much for listening to Jay dot ill little podcast. Please Hug yourself softly. Fisha. How do you eat an elephant? One by it time. Hey listeners, it's amber, the producer of Jay Dot Il here. Let's all remember to frame self discipline and success with happiness, rest and balance. I'm dropping a link in the show notes from the Forbes article that you'll read to you from today's episode. Take care of yourselves. You are worth it. Rest and happiness are all elements to success. Hi If you have comments on something he said in this episode called eight six six. Hey, Jill, if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight six six nine five four five by. Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot ill. The podcast Ja dot ill is a production of I heart radio. For more podcast from I heart radio, visit the I heart radio APP, apple podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.