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The following True story from author, performer and activist Abby Stokes to place in New York City in the early nineteen nineties.

The following True story from author, performer and activist Abby Stokes to place in New York City in the early nineteen nineties.

This is Tim Part one

This is Tim Part one

E. I first met Tim. Actually, I was sitting in Don't Tell Mama

E. I first met Tim. Actually, I was sitting in Don't Tell Mama

with a very dear friend of mine named John, who has a dark, dark, wavy hair. And at the bar at Don't Tell Mama was this incredibly attractive blonde with very light, wavy hair who had his winter scarf tied in a way that I've never seen an American tie it. So I made a joke about the Scandinavian at the bar and said, Look at that handsome Scandinavian at the bar. He's certainly not American, and

with a very dear friend of mine named John, who has a dark, dark, wavy hair. And at the bar at Don't Tell Mama was this incredibly attractive blonde with very light, wavy hair who had his winter scarf tied in a way that I've never seen an American tie it. So I made a joke about the Scandinavian at the bar and said, Look at that handsome Scandinavian at the bar. He's certainly not American, and

if you don't know, don't tell Mama it's a gay bar. So it was pretty likely that he was gay, but we didn't know for sure. John Waas is, And so John, who was shy, said, Why don't you go over and meet him? So I was procuring for John. I actually went over to Tim even though I didn't smoke cigarettes and asked if I could borrow a cigarette and that was how we met and he opened his mouth and I was expecting him to have some sort of, like, heavy Swedish accent or something. And instead he was adorable and had no accent and immediately sat down with us. And I would say we all sat there chatting for until, like, the wee wee hours of the morning. And that was how Tim and John actually ended up starting to date. They were together for several years before they both went to Los Angeles on business and then ultimately broke upen

if you don't know, don't tell Mama it's a gay bar. So it was pretty likely that he was gay, but we didn't know for sure. John Waas is, And so John, who was shy, said, Why don't you go over and meet him? So I was procuring for John. I actually went over to Tim even though I didn't smoke cigarettes and asked if I could borrow a cigarette and that was how we met and he opened his mouth and I was expecting him to have some sort of, like, heavy Swedish accent or something. And instead he was adorable and had no accent and immediately sat down with us. And I would say we all sat there chatting for until, like, the wee wee hours of the morning. And that was how Tim and John actually ended up starting to date. They were together for several years before they both went to Los Angeles on business and then ultimately broke upen

Tim was in New York for a couple of years and then moved to L. A. Then came right back. And that was when I re met. Tim was when he came back, we'd stayed in touch. I mean, we were all buds traveled, you know, en masse as friends do in your twenties. And after he moved to L. A, I went to L. A and visited him. He didn't like L. A. He moved to L. A. He was an actor and a singer, primarily a fabulous singer, and was in New York thinking he was gonna study opera

Tim was in New York for a couple of years and then moved to L. A. Then came right back. And that was when I re met. Tim was when he came back, we'd stayed in touch. I mean, we were all buds traveled, you know, en masse as friends do in your twenties. And after he moved to L. A, I went to L. A and visited him. He didn't like L. A. He moved to L. A. He was an actor and a singer, primarily a fabulous singer, and was in New York thinking he was gonna study opera

and then moved to L. A. To think that maybe he do television and he's immediately got an extra spot on Doogie Howser. At the time, Tim had this beautiful white blonde, but really curly, lovely loose hair. And Neil Patrick Harris loved Tim's hair. And so he stopped him on the set and was like, How do you do your hair? And Tim called me is like Did

and then moved to L. A. To think that maybe he do television and he's immediately got an extra spot on Doogie Howser. At the time, Tim had this beautiful white blonde, but really curly, lovely loose hair. And Neil Patrick Harris loved Tim's hair. And so he stopped him on the set and was like, How do you do your hair? And Tim called me is like Did

you know the Doobie Howser is gay?

you know the Doobie Howser is gay?

I said, How do you know? He

I said, How do you know? He

said, because he asked me about my hair.

said, because he asked me about my hair.

So

So

Tim was in L. A. Hoping to make his place in Hollywood, which he didn't. He wasn't that kind of was much more of a New York actor, singer and stuff. So he came back to New York

Tim was in L. A. Hoping to make his place in Hollywood, which he didn't. He wasn't that kind of was much more of a New York actor, singer and stuff. So he came back to New York

and ended up living with me in my teeny weeny apartment on MacDougal Street, which was all of 600 square feet with one bedroom where we shared a bed and he was wth e major idiot the Odeon so he'd come in very late from work. I love d o d on it. I have been going there for a long time. Before I met Tim and before he got that job once a week, you could go to the OD on and have dinner there if you were staff so that you could experience what the food was like and all of that stuff. And so Tim sort of blend that into me so

and ended up living with me in my teeny weeny apartment on MacDougal Street, which was all of 600 square feet with one bedroom where we shared a bed and he was wth e major idiot the Odeon so he'd come in very late from work. I love d o d on it. I have been going there for a long time. Before I met Tim and before he got that job once a week, you could go to the OD on and have dinner there if you were staff so that you could experience what the food was like and all of that stuff. And so Tim sort of blend that into me so

I could

I could

get dressed up and sit in the back table of the OD on any night I wanted to and get free dinner so I'd get all dressed up and I'd bring Jane Austen and I'd sit by myself a table for two at that time, especially in the eighties, like Theo Yang was the hottest spot. It was one of the few restaurants other than floor on that stayed open 24 hours a day. And

get dressed up and sit in the back table of the OD on any night I wanted to and get free dinner so I'd get all dressed up and I'd bring Jane Austen and I'd sit by myself a table for two at that time, especially in the eighties, like Theo Yang was the hottest spot. It was one of the few restaurants other than floor on that stayed open 24 hours a day. And

so it was really fun. It was a very, very hot place for him to be working. So he was sort of in the top of interesting New York City at the time. And he was beautiful, who's stunningly attractive with the high cheekbones and the piercing blue eyes and the curly blond hair. And he was lovely. He was a lovely guy,

so it was really fun. It was a very, very hot place for him to be working. So he was sort of in the top of interesting New York City at the time. And he was beautiful, who's stunningly attractive with the high cheekbones and the piercing blue eyes and the curly blond hair. And he was lovely. He was a lovely guy,

So he's my roommate on MacDougal Street until the apartment that we're sitting in right now came my way,

So he's my roommate on MacDougal Street until the apartment that we're sitting in right now came my way,

which happened to a friend of Hiss,

which happened to a friend of Hiss,

Tim Waas.

Tim Waas.

When we were living in this apartment, he was 26 I was just about to turn 30. This apartment is three times, four times five times. I don't mean times the size of that apartment and was just about the same price. So we moved in here together into a two bedroom as roommates,

When we were living in this apartment, he was 26 I was just about to turn 30. This apartment is three times, four times five times. I don't mean times the size of that apartment and was just about the same price. So we moved in here together into a two bedroom as roommates,

and

and

this apartment was rent controlled before I got it.

this apartment was rent controlled before I got it.

And the gentleman who lived here paid very little rent

And the gentleman who lived here paid very little rent

and had renovated the apartment and then died of AIDS very soon after. And so that's how the apartment came available. Which then, of course, ended up feeling like it was a little doomed. Sort of, you know, is the time in New York when we first moved in, I'm way into E G boards, and a friend had given us a wee gee board, and we did this whole little Weegee thing about the apartment. And Tim was really superstitious and said, you know, don't do it, Don't do it. And the wee gee board. I don't remember exactly the outcome of it, but I remember we got spooked about the ghost in this apartment.

and had renovated the apartment and then died of AIDS very soon after. And so that's how the apartment came available. Which then, of course, ended up feeling like it was a little doomed. Sort of, you know, is the time in New York when we first moved in, I'm way into E G boards, and a friend had given us a wee gee board, and we did this whole little Weegee thing about the apartment. And Tim was really superstitious and said, you know, don't do it, Don't do it. And the wee gee board. I don't remember exactly the outcome of it, but I remember we got spooked about the ghost in this apartment.

We moved in in

We moved in in

February we renovated. It was a one bedroom at the time, So I asked the landlord if it was okay if we paid for the renovation if we converted it into a two bedroom. So at that time, Tim and I were sleeping in the dining room on an air mattress while the renovation was happening in here, the air mattress had a hole, so every night we'd blow it up in. Every morning we'd be flat on the on. The stone floor was so funny, but anyway, there was a lot of dust in the apartment and a weird confluence of things. There was a lot of dust in the apartment, and we were on an Indian food eating jag. So every day at either lunch or dinner, Tim and I would go and have Indian food. So about two weeks into that February, Tim said to me that his stomach was really off and I'm like, Well, of course it's off operating, as you know,

February we renovated. It was a one bedroom at the time, So I asked the landlord if it was okay if we paid for the renovation if we converted it into a two bedroom. So at that time, Tim and I were sleeping in the dining room on an air mattress while the renovation was happening in here, the air mattress had a hole, so every night we'd blow it up in. Every morning we'd be flat on the on. The stone floor was so funny, but anyway, there was a lot of dust in the apartment and a weird confluence of things. There was a lot of dust in the apartment, and we were on an Indian food eating jag. So every day at either lunch or dinner, Tim and I would go and have Indian food. So about two weeks into that February, Tim said to me that his stomach was really off and I'm like, Well, of course it's off operating, as you know,

vindaloo every day. You and he went to a doctor,

vindaloo every day. You and he went to a doctor,

and the doctor thought it was his post nasal drip was activating this stomach stuff, but it was all the way back in February that obviously his you know something was going on that we hadn't figured out what it waas until

and the doctor thought it was his post nasal drip was activating this stomach stuff, but it was all the way back in February that obviously his you know something was going on that we hadn't figured out what it waas until

in March.

in March.

We went to another doctor who said that maybe he has an ulcer.

We went to another doctor who said that maybe he has an ulcer.

Maybe that's why he was having such stomach pain. So he started all these medications for an ulcer, and I went on vacation for a week. I came back to find

Maybe that's why he was having such stomach pain. So he started all these medications for an ulcer, and I went on vacation for a week. I came back to find

1/2

1/2

drunk glass of red wine on the table. No sign of Tim, and my cats hadn't been fit.

drunk glass of red wine on the table. No sign of Tim, and my cats hadn't been fit.

And I was like, That's weird. So I got on the phone and I called up one of Tim's closest friends, Jamie, and said, Tim's not here, and I know he hadn't been feeling well. He really hadn't been feeling well by the time I left, and she said he's at the hospital yet really sick. We brought him to Cabrini because he was dehydrated, was what they said, because I guess after I left, nobody was around and he wasn't feeling well. And you know that thing you do when you just sort of like lays around the house because you don't feel like taking care of yourself. And so I think like three days had gone by where he really hadn't had anything to eat or drink cause he wasn't feeling well. So Jamie came to see him. Hence the half glass of wine. And ah,

And I was like, That's weird. So I got on the phone and I called up one of Tim's closest friends, Jamie, and said, Tim's not here, and I know he hadn't been feeling well. He really hadn't been feeling well by the time I left, and she said he's at the hospital yet really sick. We brought him to Cabrini because he was dehydrated, was what they said, because I guess after I left, nobody was around and he wasn't feeling well. And you know that thing you do when you just sort of like lays around the house because you don't feel like taking care of yourself. And so I think like three days had gone by where he really hadn't had anything to eat or drink cause he wasn't feeling well. So Jamie came to see him. Hence the half glass of wine. And ah,

he was so looked so bad. She brought him to the hospital. So he went through the emergency room into the hospital and they had said that he was dehydrated. So

he was so looked so bad. She brought him to the hospital. So he went through the emergency room into the hospital and they had said that he was dehydrated. So

I rushed to the hospital. I see him. He seems better because they juiced him up with all the stuff they were supposed to give you to make you feel better.

I rushed to the hospital. I see him. He seems better because they juiced him up with all the stuff they were supposed to give you to make you feel better.

When he got out of the hospital the next day, we went to a doctor gastroenterologist that had been recommended by a friend.

When he got out of the hospital the next day, we went to a doctor gastroenterologist that had been recommended by a friend.

Lovely Dr way upon these side.

Lovely Dr way upon these side.

And in the course of the examination, the doctor, you know, was sort of checking off his list of questions and said to Tim, You have you ever been tested for AIDS? And Tim said no. And the doctor said, Well, you know, we're just gonna throw that in with the other tests, because should it come back positive,

And in the course of the examination, the doctor, you know, was sort of checking off his list of questions and said to Tim, You have you ever been tested for AIDS? And Tim said no. And the doctor said, Well, you know, we're just gonna throw that in with the other tests, because should it come back positive,

it will influence

it will influence

what we do with your treatments. And Tim and I came home and Tim said what happens if the test comes back positive? And I said, Well, I think we should talk about

what we do with your treatments. And Tim and I came home and Tim said what happens if the test comes back positive? And I said, Well, I think we should talk about

it now because it would make more sense

it now because it would make more sense

for us to kind of like have the pieces together. And Tim said, if it comes back positive

for us to kind of like have the pieces together. And Tim said, if it comes back positive

that he wants to travel,

that he wants to travel,

we went to the gastroenterologist. He did that series of tests and

we went to the gastroenterologist. He did that series of tests and

did the AIDS test. And Timms discomfort in his abdomen continued

did the AIDS test. And Timms discomfort in his abdomen continued

to the point that we ended up bringing him back to the hospital. I think it might have been a week and 1/2 after that first day, so it was very short timeline. Gastroenterologists hadn't gotten the results of the tests yet, actually, and we were back in the hospital with pain, and that was when they finally did in memory of his abdomen. And the physician came in and said to us,

to the point that we ended up bringing him back to the hospital. I think it might have been a week and 1/2 after that first day, so it was very short timeline. Gastroenterologists hadn't gotten the results of the tests yet, actually, and we were back in the hospital with pain, and that was when they finally did in memory of his abdomen. And the physician came in and said to us,

You have a very large tumor pressing up against your intestines. You have non Hodgkin's lymphoma, and I immediately went into research overdrive and called up a bunch of people that I knew who knew prestigious doctors in the U. S. And said if you were 26 diagnosed with non Hodgkin's lymphoma, where do we go? What do we do? And the first question that came up from this young doctor said to me, Is there a chance that he's gay? And I said it was noted, Yes, he's there's no chance. It is that he is gay and he said, Well, has it been tested for AIDS? And I said, Why would you ask that? And he said, because the treatment not about the AIDS causing the cancer, but that the treatment for it would be very different if you had a compromised immune system. So we call the doctor's office to get the results of the test, and at that time, I doubt this has changed. They won't give you AIDS test results over the phone.

You have a very large tumor pressing up against your intestines. You have non Hodgkin's lymphoma, and I immediately went into research overdrive and called up a bunch of people that I knew who knew prestigious doctors in the U. S. And said if you were 26 diagnosed with non Hodgkin's lymphoma, where do we go? What do we do? And the first question that came up from this young doctor said to me, Is there a chance that he's gay? And I said it was noted, Yes, he's there's no chance. It is that he is gay and he said, Well, has it been tested for AIDS? And I said, Why would you ask that? And he said, because the treatment not about the AIDS causing the cancer, but that the treatment for it would be very different if you had a compromised immune system. So we call the doctor's office to get the results of the test, and at that time, I doubt this has changed. They won't give you AIDS test results over the phone.

So we made an appointment to go in to see the doctor, which was probably the next day.

So we made an appointment to go in to see the doctor, which was probably the next day.

And I remember Tim and I'm sure we're back on that old lawn furniture sofa saying OK, now this is happening. What are we going to do if it comes back positive And

And I remember Tim and I'm sure we're back on that old lawn furniture sofa saying OK, now this is happening. What are we going to do if it comes back positive And

Tim and I decided that the code was going to be that we go into the doctor's office, Tim said. I want to go in by myself. And when I come out, if I say we're traveling to Europe, then you know that the test came back positive.

Tim and I decided that the code was going to be that we go into the doctor's office, Tim said. I want to go in by myself. And when I come out, if I say we're traveling to Europe, then you know that the test came back positive.

And so that's exactly what happened. He came out of the office, he took my hand, we walked into Central Park and he said, So I guess we're gonna travel in Europe. And I was like,

And so that's exactly what happened. He came out of the office, he took my hand, we walked into Central Park and he said, So I guess we're gonna travel in Europe. And I was like,

Okay, then that's what we're gonna do. So let's figure this out. So we came home in our very practical way. We got a map of the world and we got some thumbtacks and we put it up in his bedroom and we put thumbtacks on the map of all the places that he wanted to go, and we attached a yarn through all of the places. That was our first honest of sort of our weird, cathartic way of kind of like facing what was happening.

Okay, then that's what we're gonna do. So let's figure this out. So we came home in our very practical way. We got a map of the world and we got some thumbtacks and we put it up in his bedroom and we put thumbtacks on the map of all the places that he wanted to go, and we attached a yarn through all of the places. That was our first honest of sort of our weird, cathartic way of kind of like facing what was happening.

And then we sat down and sort of figured out,

And then we sat down and sort of figured out,

How are we gonna tell people

How are we gonna tell people

the inconvenient timing? I can tell exactly when that happened, because the next day was my birthday, and a surprise birthday party was being thrown in the apartment for me,

the inconvenient timing? I can tell exactly when that happened, because the next day was my birthday, and a surprise birthday party was being thrown in the apartment for me,

which Tim had to expose to me because we were not really in the frame of mind to have a party the next day. The whole theme waas about giving. So everybody was dressing up in togas and you couldn't put food in your own mouth. Everybody had to feed each other because it was all about giving. That was the theme of my 30th birthday party. So Tim and I decided that

which Tim had to expose to me because we were not really in the frame of mind to have a party the next day. The whole theme waas about giving. So everybody was dressing up in togas and you couldn't put food in your own mouth. Everybody had to feed each other because it was all about giving. That was the theme of my 30th birthday party. So Tim and I decided that

we wouldn't tell anybody

we wouldn't tell anybody

about the diagnosis till after the party.

about the diagnosis till after the party.

Tim looks bad at this stage, is quite thin, you know, because he'd been sick for since February. Really, Like he hadn't been retaining food in any proper way. We would try. But that was sort of what was happening because of this tumor and his intestines. And so people arrived in their togas and there's a photograph I had these long beaded earrings on. I'm sort of in motion blowing out the candles of my birthday cake, and everybody notices that the earring sort of became horns because they moved for they sort of swung forward in the picture. But what I notice in the picture is that my hands are class together and the tension in my hands is so dramatic to me because I was just hanging on for dear life that night because we didn't really get a chance to process this information. And here was this gorgeous party, and there was at the time was a death sentence hanging over his head with this idea that he had AIDS. And another element of that party was somebody had hired kind of a fortune teller. And they obviously wanted me to have my fortune told. And it was precisely the last thing I wanted to have done, given what I knew was ahead of me.

Tim looks bad at this stage, is quite thin, you know, because he'd been sick for since February. Really, Like he hadn't been retaining food in any proper way. We would try. But that was sort of what was happening because of this tumor and his intestines. And so people arrived in their togas and there's a photograph I had these long beaded earrings on. I'm sort of in motion blowing out the candles of my birthday cake, and everybody notices that the earring sort of became horns because they moved for they sort of swung forward in the picture. But what I notice in the picture is that my hands are class together and the tension in my hands is so dramatic to me because I was just hanging on for dear life that night because we didn't really get a chance to process this information. And here was this gorgeous party, and there was at the time was a death sentence hanging over his head with this idea that he had AIDS. And another element of that party was somebody had hired kind of a fortune teller. And they obviously wanted me to have my fortune told. And it was precisely the last thing I wanted to have done, given what I knew was ahead of me.

But ultimately I got forced into it and I went into the room with this woman and she said So by this time to go back a little bit. John and Tim had broken up. They had both ended up in L. A. For a while, overlapping, but their relationship didn't sustain it. So when Tim came back to New York, John was still in L. A.

But ultimately I got forced into it and I went into the room with this woman and she said So by this time to go back a little bit. John and Tim had broken up. They had both ended up in L. A. For a while, overlapping, but their relationship didn't sustain it. So when Tim came back to New York, John was still in L. A.

And so these are my best friends who've broken up, and Tim was living with me, which had caused conflict with John because it was all sort of uncomfortable. But anyway,

And so these are my best friends who've broken up, and Tim was living with me, which had caused conflict with John because it was all sort of uncomfortable. But anyway,

in the course of this fortune teller, she said. They're two men in your life. One is very dark and one is very light. Quite obviously. John, with the dark,

in the course of this fortune teller, she said. They're two men in your life. One is very dark and one is very light. Quite obviously. John, with the dark,

wavy hair and Tim with the light, wavy hair. And she said,

wavy hair and Tim with the light, wavy hair. And she said,

they've been in conflict.

they've been in conflict.

That conflict will end soon,

That conflict will end soon,

but you will

but you will

be very sad at the end of this summer.

be very sad at the end of this summer.

And ultimately, I was very sad at the end of the summer because Tim died in July 26th. That's how fast it WAAS it went from his having a stomach issue in February to his final tee. It AIDS on the last day of April to his dying on July 26.

And ultimately, I was very sad at the end of the summer because Tim died in July 26th. That's how fast it WAAS it went from his having a stomach issue in February to his final tee. It AIDS on the last day of April to his dying on July 26.

Oh, if only had been a year later. Who would? The drugs that they have? Everything could have changed. Yeah, so

Oh, if only had been a year later. Who would? The drugs that they have? Everything could have changed. Yeah, so

to me, when Tim got sick, it was obvious that I would rather spend my time with him, not knowing it was a short as it was then working. My grandfather had just died, and I'd inherited not a lot of money, but the apartment wasn't expensive. I sort of only made enough money to meet my means. I should lend Tim some of the money, too, so that he could pay his rent. So we were sort of eating away at this small amount of money and there was a time again. Nobody knew how short it was gonna be. There was a time in, I would say, you know, sort of late June early July, where friends tried to do have sort of an intervention with me. The intervention was sort of Abby, you've got to still have a life because, you know, this could go on for a long time.

to me, when Tim got sick, it was obvious that I would rather spend my time with him, not knowing it was a short as it was then working. My grandfather had just died, and I'd inherited not a lot of money, but the apartment wasn't expensive. I sort of only made enough money to meet my means. I should lend Tim some of the money, too, so that he could pay his rent. So we were sort of eating away at this small amount of money and there was a time again. Nobody knew how short it was gonna be. There was a time in, I would say, you know, sort of late June early July, where friends tried to do have sort of an intervention with me. The intervention was sort of Abby, you've got to still have a life because, you know, this could go on for a long time.

I don't know if some part of me knew it wasn't gonna go on for a long time, so I I invested everything I could

I don't know if some part of me knew it wasn't gonna go on for a long time, so I I invested everything I could

in that I don't think I had a notion it was gonna go that fast. But I'm deeply grateful that I decided to commit all that time and not think. Oh, I should balance it. I didn't balance anything. I didn't work, you know.

in that I don't think I had a notion it was gonna go that fast. But I'm deeply grateful that I decided to commit all that time and not think. Oh, I should balance it. I didn't balance anything. I didn't work, you know.

Ultimately, what happened? Waas

Ultimately, what happened? Waas

We started

We started

looking at There weren't really treatments for AIDS to speak of at the time. It wasn't like he was suddenly gonna go into a bunch of cocktails, sort of the order of events that had happened with this evolution with his medication so he gets diagnosed with AIDS. It does change how we think about having his medical treatment. We decided to go with radiation in 10 with a little bit of chemotherapy, but it was really mostly the radiation. They were hoping to shrink the tumor and then see if maybe it was gonna be operable when it shrank. So we would go into the hospital for radiation treatments and then come home and he would have steroids, which was my first time

looking at There weren't really treatments for AIDS to speak of at the time. It wasn't like he was suddenly gonna go into a bunch of cocktails, sort of the order of events that had happened with this evolution with his medication so he gets diagnosed with AIDS. It does change how we think about having his medical treatment. We decided to go with radiation in 10 with a little bit of chemotherapy, but it was really mostly the radiation. They were hoping to shrink the tumor and then see if maybe it was gonna be operable when it shrank. So we would go into the hospital for radiation treatments and then come home and he would have steroids, which was my first time

with anybody on steroids. And I have to say it was so impressive because the radiation would leave him so weak and feeling terrible. And I think they'd let, like, three days go by and then they'd given the steroids and then he was Superman. When he was diagnosed,

with anybody on steroids. And I have to say it was so impressive because the radiation would leave him so weak and feeling terrible. And I think they'd let, like, three days go by and then they'd given the steroids and then he was Superman. When he was diagnosed,

I decided that the one thing that might help him is to get a piano in the apartment.

I decided that the one thing that might help him is to get a piano in the apartment.

So I called my mother and

So I called my mother and

said, Not like my mother had much money. When I moved to New York, she gave me $20 is my

said, Not like my mother had much money. When I moved to New York, she gave me $20 is my

I wish I could help you more

I wish I could help you more

bon voyage, gift.

bon voyage, gift.

But I called my mom, who was always very tuned into If her Children need something, she would hear it and I said, I need to buy a piano. Tim is sick and she said, Okay, She said, How much will it cost? And I said, I'll pay you back. I priced them. I think it's gonna cost about $2000.

But I called my mom, who was always very tuned into If her Children need something, she would hear it and I said, I need to buy a piano. Tim is sick and she said, Okay, She said, How much will it cost? And I said, I'll pay you back. I priced them. I think it's gonna cost about $2000.

And so I bought a piano. We brought a piano into the apartment because I thought Tim and Recovery as opposed to Tim and Death because he was a singer. That would be sort of how we'd spend his time while he was in the apartment so

And so I bought a piano. We brought a piano into the apartment because I thought Tim and Recovery as opposed to Tim and Death because he was a singer. That would be sort of how we'd spend his time while he was in the apartment so

he'd have the steroids and he'd sit at the piano and he would play and he would sing and people would come over and it would be great. And then another radiation treatment. He would dip down.

he'd have the steroids and he'd sit at the piano and he would play and he would sing and people would come over and it would be great. And then another radiation treatment. He would dip down.

We only did the radiation for probably a couple of weeks.

We only did the radiation for probably a couple of weeks.

It was the night of the Tonys, and

It was the night of the Tonys, and

we had a Tony party here to watch them, and Tim was so sick, feeling so badly that he stayed in bed in his bedroom while people out here drank in and watch the Tonys and everybody left and Tim was being a real trouper about it. he was in agony, and so he said to me, Could you come and just spoon me

we had a Tony party here to watch them, and Tim was so sick, feeling so badly that he stayed in bed in his bedroom while people out here drank in and watch the Tonys and everybody left and Tim was being a real trouper about it. he was in agony, and so he said to me, Could you come and just spoon me

and hold me because it hurts so much? And then he said, Abby, I know you're not religious but would you mind if we prayed

and hold me because it hurts so much? And then he said, Abby, I know you're not religious but would you mind if we prayed

as it Timo, Anything that helps, like I'm happy to do that. And so we sort of

as it Timo, Anything that helps, like I'm happy to do that. And so we sort of

lay there and prayed and hoped you'd feel better and we we wanted to wait until morning to get him to the hospital. I didn't want to take him to the emergency room in the middle of the night just because I thought it be miserable. In fact, it probably would have been less crowded.

lay there and prayed and hoped you'd feel better and we we wanted to wait until morning to get him to the hospital. I didn't want to take him to the emergency room in the middle of the night just because I thought it be miserable. In fact, it probably would have been less crowded.

So we got into a taxi that morning and I just remember he was in so much pain and the cab drive. It's New York. You can't avoid the bumps and stuff. The cab driver was trying to be so careful and he would hit a bump and Tim, the driver would apologize. Tim would, you know, audibly show his pain and then Tim's like it's okay. It's like they were both apologizing to each other in equal measure. It was sort of very sweet and we got to the emergency room

So we got into a taxi that morning and I just remember he was in so much pain and the cab drive. It's New York. You can't avoid the bumps and stuff. The cab driver was trying to be so careful and he would hit a bump and Tim, the driver would apologize. Tim would, you know, audibly show his pain and then Tim's like it's okay. It's like they were both apologizing to each other in equal measure. It was sort of very sweet and we got to the emergency room

at Cabrini. That's where he was doing his treatments, and

at Cabrini. That's where he was doing his treatments, and

they discovered that in fact, the radiation had successfully shrunk in the tumor. But unfortunately, in its shrinking, it had detached from the intestine, as in, his intestine was open,

they discovered that in fact, the radiation had successfully shrunk in the tumor. But unfortunately, in its shrinking, it had detached from the intestine, as in, his intestine was open,

so his entire body cavity had filled with toxins that had released from his intestines. So the doctor said he needed to rush him into surgery

so his entire body cavity had filled with toxins that had released from his intestines. So the doctor said he needed to rush him into surgery

to close up that intestine and to try to clean him out. They successfully sealed off the intestine,

to close up that intestine and to try to clean him out. They successfully sealed off the intestine,

and I think

and I think

they removed

they removed

the tumor when they were there. So this was in June, the time that the Tonys happen. They seal off the intestine. They were using all kinds of antibiotics and stuff to clear it out every day, several times a day. That would sort of wash out his body cavity.

the tumor when they were there. So this was in June, the time that the Tonys happen. They seal off the intestine. They were using all kinds of antibiotics and stuff to clear it out every day, several times a day. That would sort of wash out his body cavity.

But he seemed to be doing better. And

But he seemed to be doing better. And

Tim all ever practical, though, So he had cancer, any IT aids, and we didn't know if either was gonna kill him. But he thought that it was time

Tim all ever practical, though, So he had cancer, any IT aids, and we didn't know if either was gonna kill him. But he thought that it was time

to help other people process the information.

to help other people process the information.

So at one point during all of this, his mom came for a week and stayed with us, and I can't even imagine how overwhelming this was for her. On top of the AIDS diagnosis and all that Tim grew up in outside of Portland, Oregon, and his he was adopted, his sister was adopted and his parents are

So at one point during all of this, his mom came for a week and stayed with us, and I can't even imagine how overwhelming this was for her. On top of the AIDS diagnosis and all that Tim grew up in outside of Portland, Oregon, and his he was adopted, his sister was adopted and his parents are

Church of God,

Church of God,

which is super duper religious. Speak in tongues. Many, many things are unlawful in, according to them, like wearing makeup and dancing unless it's dancing for the church.

which is super duper religious. Speak in tongues. Many, many things are unlawful in, according to them, like wearing makeup and dancing unless it's dancing for the church.

Certainly, being gay is frowned upon, so he grew up in this very strict environment. Remarkably, when he was in high school, he came out of the closet two incredibly accepting parents, even though they had this crazy, strict religious background, because his mother kind of clicked in her head that if God made him, then nothing could be wrong with him. So they had an interesting kind of battle that they had to do with their own community because Tim was openly gay in an environment where it would not otherwise be accepted.

Certainly, being gay is frowned upon, so he grew up in this very strict environment. Remarkably, when he was in high school, he came out of the closet two incredibly accepting parents, even though they had this crazy, strict religious background, because his mother kind of clicked in her head that if God made him, then nothing could be wrong with him. So they had an interesting kind of battle that they had to do with their own community because Tim was openly gay in an environment where it would not otherwise be accepted.

We always had sort of a theory that

We always had sort of a theory that

part of

part of

that was he had

that was he had

a heavenly voice. He was a truly gifted natural singer, and he sang in church all the time. And I think because they saw him as the person who sang and not the person who was gay, that overrode this new piece of information that they wouldn't have otherwise tolerate. It was kind of fabulous. His mother came to visit New York. This is long before Tim was sick, and I live on 14th Street, which at the time, 25 years ago there were lots of transvestite hookers that would hang around on this block and last that would sit on our doorstep. And Eleanor would sit in the window of my apartment with the window open, almost falling out of the window because she was so fascinated by these transvestite hookers and like how they looked and how do they? How do they make that happen? And their boobs look so realistic and their voices in like she was. It was very interesting to see her sort of develop into. She still didn't wear makeup, and she still didn't really want him to go to the movies, but she accepted him for as much as she wanted to understand what his lifestyle waas. So that's where he came from. So he was very blond. He looked very Scandinavian, which I think is common, you know, in that area around Oregon, his sister had very dark hair, didn't look at all like him. The other adopted sibling,

a heavenly voice. He was a truly gifted natural singer, and he sang in church all the time. And I think because they saw him as the person who sang and not the person who was gay, that overrode this new piece of information that they wouldn't have otherwise tolerate. It was kind of fabulous. His mother came to visit New York. This is long before Tim was sick, and I live on 14th Street, which at the time, 25 years ago there were lots of transvestite hookers that would hang around on this block and last that would sit on our doorstep. And Eleanor would sit in the window of my apartment with the window open, almost falling out of the window because she was so fascinated by these transvestite hookers and like how they looked and how do they? How do they make that happen? And their boobs look so realistic and their voices in like she was. It was very interesting to see her sort of develop into. She still didn't wear makeup, and she still didn't really want him to go to the movies, but she accepted him for as much as she wanted to understand what his lifestyle waas. So that's where he came from. So he was very blond. He looked very Scandinavian, which I think is common, you know, in that area around Oregon, his sister had very dark hair, didn't look at all like him. The other adopted sibling,

the store Iwas, that

the store Iwas, that

someone in the church

someone in the church

got some young woman pregnant

got some young woman pregnant

and that there was a chance that it was the minister at his church was actually his father. That was the family lore. It all happened with the church. It wasn't like going off and finding adoptive family. This was because the cyber since heard that

and that there was a chance that it was the minister at his church was actually his father. That was the family lore. It all happened with the church. It wasn't like going off and finding adoptive family. This was because the cyber since heard that

some girl was pregnant and they were desperately couldn't have Children and wanted to

some girl was pregnant and they were desperately couldn't have Children and wanted to

have a baby. So they offered to adopt the baby as soon as it was born. And so that was Tim. So he's never really known for sure. Fast, for just, you know, his sister and his mother and his father came for a week, and Tim was doing pretty well. Then we took them to Fire Island for a couple of days. His mom stayed longer than his dad and his sister, and

have a baby. So they offered to adopt the baby as soon as it was born. And so that was Tim. So he's never really known for sure. Fast, for just, you know, his sister and his mother and his father came for a week, and Tim was doing pretty well. Then we took them to Fire Island for a couple of days. His mom stayed longer than his dad and his sister, and

one night we had a very long conversation about,

one night we had a very long conversation about,

you know, the possible prognosis.

you know, the possible prognosis.

Sort of very honest. and up front about it all. And that night we pulled the mattresses from our two beds into this living room, and the three of us slept together holding Tim was in the middle and we were both holding his hands, and I think we woke up in the morning in the exact same position. Was very sweet.

Sort of very honest. and up front about it all. And that night we pulled the mattresses from our two beds into this living room, and the three of us slept together holding Tim was in the middle and we were both holding his hands, and I think we woke up in the morning in the exact same position. Was very sweet.

Then she left,

Then she left,

I think, hopeful

I think, hopeful

that Tim would get better

that Tim would get better

and obviously the entire church was praying for him. And

and obviously the entire church was praying for him. And

Eleanor's belief is, if everybody in the church is praying for it, it's all gonna get better. So Tim had decided he wanted people to be ableto a moat.

Eleanor's belief is, if everybody in the church is praying for it, it's all gonna get better. So Tim had decided he wanted people to be ableto a moat.

He wanted people to visit him in the hospital and not feel like they had to somehow put up a strong front. So that's where I came in long ago and far away. I had wanted to be an actress, so Tim would say to me, Oh, Richard's coming to visit today. I want to give him the high heels that I wore when I pretended to be Mrs Howell at that Hawaiian party. He should have those, but when he comes in and he seems to, you know, be using his stiff upper lip. If you could cry, Abby, it's going to make it easier for him. And that was sort of the thing that we did. He would send me home to get whatever object he was gonna give to, and he always had something in mind for somebody coming to visit.

He wanted people to visit him in the hospital and not feel like they had to somehow put up a strong front. So that's where I came in long ago and far away. I had wanted to be an actress, so Tim would say to me, Oh, Richard's coming to visit today. I want to give him the high heels that I wore when I pretended to be Mrs Howell at that Hawaiian party. He should have those, but when he comes in and he seems to, you know, be using his stiff upper lip. If you could cry, Abby, it's going to make it easier for him. And that was sort of the thing that we did. He would send me home to get whatever object he was gonna give to, and he always had something in mind for somebody coming to visit.

So I bring the object in, and then they would come and they'd sit down with Tim and they'd start off having a nice conversation. And then there at some point, if I didn't feel like they were really, like pushing enough, then I would start to get upset and in turn, that would allow them to get upset. And then everybody was able to sort of say what they had to say to each other. The interesting thing was, actually didn't cry very much with him because we were in, like practical make it as good as it can be if we can fight it, Great. If we can't fight it, let's plan. So our conversations were not a wash of tears. I would sit with him in the hospital all day

So I bring the object in, and then they would come and they'd sit down with Tim and they'd start off having a nice conversation. And then there at some point, if I didn't feel like they were really, like pushing enough, then I would start to get upset and in turn, that would allow them to get upset. And then everybody was able to sort of say what they had to say to each other. The interesting thing was, actually didn't cry very much with him because we were in, like practical make it as good as it can be if we can fight it, Great. If we can't fight it, let's plan. So our conversations were not a wash of tears. I would sit with him in the hospital all day

if there were visitors. Yes, I would cry for that, but otherwise we would make plans.

if there were visitors. Yes, I would cry for that, but otherwise we would make plans.

You're listening to Tim on Jason Charles dot Net.

You're listening to Tim on Jason Charles dot Net.

For the second part of this story, go to Tim part Two on audio dramas

For the second part of this story, go to Tim part Two on audio dramas

For more information about author, performer and activists. Abby Stokes, Abby Stokes dot com

For more information about author, performer and activists. Abby Stokes, Abby Stokes dot com

Jason Charles dot net

Jason Charles dot net

Deep talk Deep Sounds

Deep talk Deep Sounds