What if love isn’t primarily something you feel—or something you have to wait for—but something you can choose? 

In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with pastor, author, and Bible teacher Chip Ingram to talk about his book I Choose Love and a radically practical way to understand biblical love. 

Chip explains the difference between the feelings we associate with love and the agape love modeled by Jesus: a willful, sacrificial choice to put another person’s needs ahead of our own. And that matters whether we’re dealing with tension in a marriage, a difficult family relationship, division in the church, or someone whose views are completely different from ours. 

Chip also gets personal, sharing how this understanding of love helped transform a deeply difficult season in his own marriage. The breakthrough came when he stopped focusing on how his wife needed to change and started asking what he could do differently. As Chip puts it, you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship. 

You’ll also hear why loving action sometimes has to come before loving feelings, why humility and servanthood are so important, and three practical ways to become a more loving person: declare war on selfishness, attack the pride underneath it, and intentionally practice humility by putting others’ needs ahead of your own. 

In this episode: 
Why biblical love is much more than a feeling 
The difference between agape love and romantic, friendship, and family love 
What Philippians 2 teaches us about loving like Jesus 
Why waiting until you feel loving can keep you stuck 
How choosing obedience can begin changing our hearts 
What Chip learned during a painful season in his own marriage 
Why you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship 
How selfishness and pride undermine love 
Three practical choices that can help us become more loving 
How Christians can pursue love and unity in a deeply divided culture 
Why the mindset “I am second” can change the way we approach everyday relationships 

Resources mentioned: 

Book: I Choose Love by Chip Ingram 

Living on the Edge: livingontheedge.org 

Also mentioned: Good to Great in God’s Eyes by Chip Ingram 

What if love isn&rsquo;t primarily something you feel&mdash;or something you have to wait for&mdash;but something you can choose?&nbsp;
In this episode of&nbsp;I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with pastor, author, and Bible teacher Chip Ingram to talk about his book&nbsp;I Choose Love&nbsp;and a radically practical way to understand biblical love.&nbsp;
Chip explains the difference between the feelings we associate with love and the&nbsp;agape&nbsp;love modeled by Jesus: a willful, sacrificial choice to put another person&rsquo;s needs ahead of our own. And that matters whether&nbsp;we&rsquo;re&nbsp;dealing with tension in a marriage, a difficult family relationship, division in the church, or someone whose views are completely different from ours.&nbsp;
Chip also gets personal, sharing how this understanding of love helped transform a deeply difficult season in his own marriage.&nbsp;The breakthrough came when he stopped focusing on how his wife needed to change and started asking what&nbsp;he&nbsp;could do differently.&nbsp;As Chip puts it, you&nbsp;can&rsquo;t&nbsp;control another person&mdash;but you can change your part of the relationship.&nbsp;
You&rsquo;ll also hear why loving action sometimes has to come&nbsp;before&nbsp;loving feelings, why humility and servanthood are so important, and three practical ways to become a more loving person: declare war on selfishness, attack the pride underneath it, and intentionally practice humility by putting others&rsquo; needs ahead of your own.&nbsp;
In this episode:&nbsp;
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="1" data-aria-level="1">Why biblical love is much more than a feeling&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="2" data-aria-level="1">The difference between&nbsp;agape&nbsp;love and romantic, friendship, and family love&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="3" data-aria-level="1">What Philippians 2 teaches us about loving like Jesus&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="4" data-aria-level="1">Why waiting until you&nbsp;feel&nbsp;loving can keep you stuck&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="5" data-aria-level="1">How choosing obedience can begin changing our hearts&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="6" data-aria-level="1">What Chip learned during a painful season in his own marriage&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="7" data-aria-level="1">Why you&nbsp;can&rsquo;t&nbsp;control another person&mdash;but you can change your part of the relationship&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="8" data-aria-level="1">How selfishness and pride undermine love&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="9" data-aria-level="1">Three practical choices that can help us become more loving&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="10" data-aria-level="1">How Christians can pursue love and unity in a deeply divided culture&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="11" data-aria-level="1">Why the mindset&nbsp;&ldquo;I am second&rdquo;&nbsp;can change the way we approach everyday relationships&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
Resources mentioned:&nbsp;
Book:&nbsp;<a href="https://a.co/d/0bbBXM2m">I Choose Love</a>&nbsp;by Chip Ingram&nbsp;
Living on the Edge:&nbsp;<a href="https://livingontheedge.org/">livingontheedge.org</a>&nbsp;
Also mentioned:&nbsp;<a href="https://a.co/d/020ZuSn9">Good to Great in God&rsquo;s Eyes&nbsp;</a>by Chip Ingram&nbsp;

Relationship tripwires. Mental health puzzles. Confusing work dynamics. You’re not the only one scratching your head. But now you have a secret decoder ring! Each episode of I Wish You Could Hear This is packed with proven, simple, and surprising secrets that help you thrive in life, faith, and relationships. Researchers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have spent decades interviewing and surveying more than 40,000 people to identify the little things that make a big difference in our lives. They’re Harvard-educated, Christian authors and speakers who also happen to be happily married, analytically minded, and a whole lot of fun! Join them and their guests for real stories, real help, and real hope.

I Wish You Could Hear This

Relationship tripwires. Mental health puzzles. Confusing work dynamics. You&rsquo;re not the only one scratching your head. But now you have a secret decoder ring! Each episode of I Wish You Could Hear This is packed with proven, simple, and surprising secrets that help you thrive in life, faith, and relationships. Researchers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have spent decades interviewing and surveying more than 40,000 people to identify the little things that make a big difference in our lives. They&rsquo;re Harvard-educated, Christian authors and speakers who also happen to be happily married, analytically minded, and a whole lot of fun! Join them and their guests for real stories, real help, and real hope.

How to Love Someone When You Don’t Feel Like It, with Chip Ingram Episode 48 

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/c5073a0d-d4ed-4141-9b95-b4b1000887d3/transcript