Dear Movies, I Love YouI Saw What You Did - The Transitional Shoe
This week, Millie and Danielle discuss two classic mall movies - COMMANDO (1985) and NIGHT OF THE COMET (1984). They also chat about the IMDB profile of the internationally beloved Costas Mandylor, Arnold’s sweaty flexed bicep, and what not to wear in the apocalypse.
To see a full ISWYD movie list, check out our Letterboxd here:
https://letterboxd.com/isawwhatyoudid/films/diary/
Hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of I Saw What You Did.
My name is Millie to Jericho, I'm Daniel Henderson.
And we're here to talk about the discourse, the film discourse, well, to add to it at least, Yes, what what is? I feel like discourse is being overused these days, and I'm sort of like, that's a term that I remember from grad school and that was being used casually amongst just like people.
Absolutely, it's one of those concepts I think that people latch onto because it makes them sound real smart.
Yeah, there's a lot of like real smart smart people terms being thrown around lately amongst people who I know, who I know personally are dumbasses.
Well, I got some discourse for you.
Oh I'm ready. I'm ready to hear it.
So you know, you know, I watch a lot of television with my grandma mm hmmm, and a lot of it is daytime TV, of course, and there's just so much weirdness that happens in daytime TV that I don't think I think we could have a whole podcast about it, which we will not. We don't have the time or space in our lives for it. But someone should do it, because there is a lot going on. There's a lot happening. There's particularly a lot happening in commercials. So we've already talked about the campus Une commercials and how now I get ads and emails for it. One thing I noticed, and I think it's possible. If I'm the first person to put this out there, that's fine, I'll take it. I'm wondering. I mean, I don't know if people are aware. But Tom Selleck is the new Wilford Brimley. Okay, I have.
I'm pretty sure you're going to have nothing but support for this theory.
I came with receipts I did.
Okay, I'm curious as to why you think this, and it's simply because of.
Commercials. Yes, ok So, as we know Anthony Wilford Brimley, who died in twenty twenty. Can you believe that twenty twenty. I thought he was dead in nineteen eighty nine. Oh, I know. I know. The man lived. He truly lived, and growing up he was a spokesperson for a lot of things. He was the face of Quaker oats, that's right. He did diabetes education, that's right. And he did commercials for Liberty Medical and Liberty Medical still to this day does most of their advertising during the daytime slots of course, right right. So he was like that spokesperson for like old people shit shore when we were kids. Yeah, here's how old we are. Now Tom Selick is now doing that. Tom Selik is out here in a commercial for a company called Aage that sells reverse mortgages, and he is sitting down at and homes. He is sitting across from tables like real folksy, like folks, I wouldn't tell you to do something that wasn't completely right and safe for you. Get a reverse mortgage, live your life. And I'm like, at some point this week I have seen those commercial hundreds of times. At some point this week, I'm like, holy shit, he's Wilford Brimley. In our lifetime, we have watched an actor become the new Wilford Brimley.
Okay, I have so much to say and so many questions. Okay, Number number one, there have been stages before Tom Selleck, because I remember, and it's kind of that thing where it's like it feels like after a certain age you start to do like the colonial pen life insurance stuff. And I remember when it was like William Shatner and Alex Trebek and all of this, all of these people, and they were going in these worlds where like suddenly it's like, well, okay, you're not I'm like sitcoms anymore. You're maybe on celebrity roasts once in a while or something, but it's never like, you know, you're not doing the Magnum p I stuff, right, or even the friends.
Stuff, right. But he's on Blue Bloods. See, That's what I'm saying.
That's why I'm I'm like, that's why I'm kind of going, does.
He need to be doing these commercials? Like I'm like, he seems fine, and this is this is what I'm saying. He has been acting for like the years, yeah, for over fifty years probably, and I'm assuming he's okay, but not even knowing if he's okay or not. I don't even know if it's like the need to do it, it's the why, the why. And he's so folksy, like he's all leaning in and hunched over like folks come on. Like the way he talks is very like patronizing and like very like tired, kind of like Wilford Brimley where he's like you know, I wouldn't know this. It's very very weird. I love that impression of Wilford Brimley that you just do.
In fact, if we get a user Casey to make it into an MP three, I would listen to it constantly.
Oh I'm sure, I'm sure that's already done. Casey's quick. Casey is lightning quick, but he is. It's like this, you know, and a reverse mortgage is such a weird thing to begin with, and so he's out here like educating people but also like talking them into buying this thing. And I don't even know if you're buying it because it's like they give you money. It just seems like a weird scam that he's trying. I don't understand it, and I don't know why he's a spokesperson for it, but it is very strange to see him go from like the sex symbol that our mom's all fucking fainted over to a hunched over dude on a table being like, yeah, you gotta get your reverse mortgage, go on vacation, have fun with your grandkids. Okay.
I guess I'm also and this is because I'm not a homeowner, Okay, I guess I'm a little unclear of what a reverse mortgage is too.
Somebody is nobody knows what it is. Is that a scam? Actually I don't. To me, it sounds like a fucking reverse anything that's a scam. Okay, I'm looking it up. But to me, it's like they pay you money so that they like, whoever you're paying money to, I guess owns your house when you die, or whoever he's giving you money own owns your house because they're paying the mortgage.
It says, a reverse mortgage is a mortgage loan usually secured by a residential property that enables the borrower to access the unencumbered Okay, that's a big, big person where that's a smart person worn the uncumbered value of the property. The loans are typically promoted to older homeowners. Yeah, so why older homeowners? I guess that's kind of what I want to know.
I think probably because they have more time invested in their property, like they've been paying their mortgage for twenty five years already. Okay.
It says a homeowner who is sixty two or older and has considerable home equity can borrow against the value of their home and receive the funds as the lump sum or a line of credit. Okay, so it is only for old people.
Yeah, okay, so that's probably.
Why we're like, what the fuck is a reverse mortgage? And then that's why it's been like, you know, siloed into daytime programming, and that's why they put Tom Sellick.
In that shit. They put them right on it. And it's like basically, i mean from what it sounds like, they your home has earned equity. So when you die then and the house sells, you have to pay back the loan first. But what if you die and you want to give your house to your kids or something, Yeah, the kids have to pay it back. Yeah?
What if you die in one of these lawsuits from the other commercials that you watch the morning, and then you're screwed?
Right? I mean, I'm very confounded by the entire process, but nothing more than the fact that Tom Selick is a spokesperson for it. Well, okay, so it just hit me at a moment where I'm like, I'm old. Now, I'm this old now.
Well do you even think again I'm going to go back to this And I don't know, I don't know if Tom Selleck himself is going to like, you know, have something to say about it, But I'm like, do you even need the money, dude, Like you're on Blue Bloods, Like that's some CBS money that ain't nothing. That's actually you want to talk about like old people.
That's long running network money. If he doesn't need to be doing it, does he actually believe in it? Has he done it? Has he done a Riverse mortgage? Like? It just brings up so many questions, Like Wilford Brimley was the face of Quaker Oats and because it was part of his diabetes education thing where he's like this will lower your like this is good for your diet, like the Liberty medical thing. He had a lot of fucking medical bills. It makes sense. Wilford Brimley's trajectory made sense to me.
Yeah, even though I gotta say, Wilford Brimley could have been doing those Quaker Oats commercials while he was doing the thing, yeah, because he looked old as shit in the thing.
Don't even get me started on Cocoon and how they're supposed to be Like like half of those actors filmed when they were in their forties or fifties or something like that.
Yeah, well I know here, Okay, I wanted to go down this road and this is this. I feel like what this was even more shocking to me personally than anything that you just said, was that do you remember where you were when you first saw Tim Daily and the new macawcle pneumonia commercials?
Of course, of course I did. Okay, that to me was the day the heart Throat died.
Oh my god, me too, huge crush.
On Tim Daily.
We have we talked about Wings, like how obsessed I was with Wings when I was a child.
Noting it was it was a show for middle aged people, so it is not surprising that you were obsessed with it. Okay, there there was. I'm not gonna lie.
I mean, I like kids stuff once in a while, but for the most part, I did watch like Empty Nest and Wings when I was twelve.
This is why we're friends. It's totally fine, exactly.
We've We've outlined this several times on this podcast. But Wings was I I was like, here are the two hottest dudes in America.
I mean, I didn't even really know a lot.
Of dudes at the time, to be honest, I just knew the ones that were on television, and I was like, he got like a rough on the edge, just party guy. And then you got the uptight older brother guy. And I loved the older brother guy, like of course I did. I'm an older sister. I gravitate towards people like me, and I always like in every boy band, in every group and every kind of cluster of men, I always gravitate towards the uptight one.
Your favorite new kid was Jonathan Knight's true, Yes, exactly.
It's like I'm always that, like, who's the older brother who's like feeling a little too old for this scenario?
And that's me.
So I was I was like Tim Dally's my guy, not for nothing. I saw him at the Women's march, like one of the women's marches in DC, and was like blown away that he was he was there.
I was like, that is our woe king.
But then when I saw him in those vaccine commercials, I was like, he's doing the old people commercials.
Now, what the fuck? He doesn't even look that old. Yeah, he's aged into it. That's what Hollywood does to people. They're like, we've been looking at you for thirty years. Whether you're old or not. You are now in the old person commercial category. Damn, I don't even think he's gray. Is he gray? He might be a little bit gray, but like he's not even like he doesn't look old to me at all. Yeah.
I think it's because he just is like he's he looks kind of like Men's Health magazine cover guy old Like he doesn't you know, he sort of looks like he's hovering between like forty five and maybe fifty seven right to me, which is not old, by the way, not at all of the age we are that eight old. So I'm a little I'm a little shocked that he was in the commercials. And I was like, yeah, you're right, there's like this pipeline.
And he's just based on like if you were on TV in the eighties, you now qualify for the Wilford Brimley level commercial. It's fucked.
Is this like what men famous men do. It's kind of like a reverse a reverse Grand dom Gin y'all situation where it's like famous men just do like catheter commercials and everyone's like they're put out to pasture. Nobody wants to hire them anymore. They're doing you know, the fucking transmaginal mesh, commercial or colonial pen like life insurance fucking coins, Oh my god, a coin. Can you imagine? Commemorative plates and coins Like it's like.
That world they wish they could get a coin that takes them. You got to be in that world. They don't just take anybody. They don't care how long you been on TV. The commemorative uh uh.
Next thing, you know, there's a profile of them in Parade Magazine and you're.
Like, well, yeah, fuck, oh my god, that's always the killer. That's the true killer to me, because Parade Magazine and I have a long relationship, and it goes back to me being eleven years old and sitting on the damn toilet and you read the shitty fucking cartoons and you read all the dumb jokes, and there's always a fucking spread about somebody who's like, I'm about to retire, and Parade Magazine just comes and knock in. Oh yeah, it's like they got radar for that shit. Oh definitely.
And then the next thing, you know, somebody posts a picture of them online and they're wearing sketchers without laces, like slip slip into sketchers, and you're like, dude, that guy is of my generation, Like that guy was I had sexual feelings for that guy.
That's like my.
Era, and now he's wearing slip on sketcher shoes.
But this is this is a good lesson for us in terms of of anyone who consumes media, Like being a movie star is only one level, Like that is only one level that gets you security for only so long. And if you are like a nicole kidman a Brad Pitt, like, if you are at that level, you can ride that out. You can do nothing for the rest of your life at this point and be completely fine in every way. But there is a sub tier of star, the former star and the decade star where they were popular in a very specific decade. And those folks are still hustling. Yeah, and they hustling hard. They've been through economic downturns, they've been their kids have been in college or are currently in college. They've got fucking grandkids in college. Somebod these folks m h like, your grandkid isn't gonna understand. I can't put you through school. If they've been watching you on TV for twenty years, Yeah, there's a hustle. If Jane Seymour is out here selling face cream. Jane, you were doctor Quinn medicine. Woman? The hell you doing out here? Howking face cream? Yeah?
When they have those like long infomercials that play on like you know when you watch like cable, and then sometimes there's entire channels devoted to like weird infomercials. And then it's like a forty five minute long commercial for like the best of yacht Rock on the Time Life Collection, and it's like, Hey, I'm Jane Seymour and I'm sitting here with fucking Seals and Cross or whatever, and we're here to get you to buy twelve CDs.
Oh good. I am truly not kidding. She's hawking face cream. Look it up? Wow, look it up. She has some fucking cream. And guess who else is in that commercial. It's like Courtney Thorne Smith or from Melro's Place. Yeah, ah, from Melrose Place. That's a nineties show. I can't. This is what I fucking mean. Shit up. It is devastating to watch TV at this point in my life, to watch daytime TV. It's too much.
Dude, are you I swear to god you're about to tell me something crazy like you're about to be like, didn't you see uh the kids from Pete and Pete, The Adventures of Pete and Pete on those like Viagra se Alice commercials, Like I'm you're about to blow my mind?
Is that what you're about to do right now? I think I just did. When you were screaming about Courtney thorn Smith your mic went out. I really think I just did.
I screamed so loud that it ruined our episode.
But I think Pete and Pete doing see Alice would be an internet sensation, not just that Daniel and Millie sensation. Well, and that's I've gotta tell you.
Like early Quarantine, Early Quarantine, I decided to watch Melrose Place like for like, I had watched maybe like a couple episodes, you know, when it was on, but I never like sat through and watched every single one. Actually I did stop after like season four or five because I couldn't take it anymore, to be honest. But that's the thing is that those shows, I mean, they're of our generation, but then they're also like suspended in time because of like you know, binge watching and you know that kind of stuff. So you're like, oh, the reality is is that they're qualifying for Social Security now and you don't know that because you just keep watching these episodes of them being fucking twenty nine years old.
Oh good, case in point. And this is the thought that I had this week. Whatever happened to Costas mandelor? Oh my god? Like, where do some of these guys go? Where did they go? And he had a brother who was in my big fat Greek wedding? Where did they go?
Am I getting him confused? With Marcus Schankenberg?
Is that his name? You better not be. They are very different people.
Or hot nineties guys, right, I mean you can put them in a category, but they are very different people. I mean I feel like ethnically you're right about that, but I'm just saying now I gotta look up.
He was in picket Fences. Oh, somebody is like literally listening.
Google is listening. It was the what I put in cos it showed up.
Give me a fucking break. Google. Did not know he was Australian.
Yes, I did not know that either. He's known for Saw. He was in the fifth Saw movie?
Right, No, what are you talking about? Okay, this is what I mean. Look at I'm looking at his Wikipedia right now, dude has not taken a break. Like, why have I not seen him? He has not taken a break.
Dude, he has been in so much shit. Wow, why am I worried about him?
Yeah?
Look at all these TBAs Yeah, at the end of his filmography.
Oh yeah, he's working.
I mean, I don't know what these what these are like these movie death count.
You haven't seen Doctor Chopper. We are watching Doctor Chopper for this fucking podcast. I don't care if doc.
If Doctor Chopper is not the prequel to Doctor Giggles, I thank you, gonna be fucking Poostede.
Thank you. But these are the thoughts I have, Like what happened to that dude who was everywhere on my TV in the nineties? And now I'm looking at Marcus Sickenberg. He was an actor, he was a model, right.
Okay, I have completely Oh he was, it, says actor Swedish, model, actor, singer writer. Definitely not they one guy is Swedish and the other guy is Greek.
By way of Australia.
So yes, they're different people for sure.
What movies had. Oh.
His philmography, on the other hand, is very small.
One two, three, four.
He's been in like seven seven things, one of them who is called meat balls and Macro.
No it is not.
Yeah, I could not like the TikTok video.
Wasn't there a TikTok That's like Dan nam McCarney. Has that been Marcus Jenkinburg this whole time? I'll be fucking impressed if that dude pivoted to TikTok.
Okay, I want to read you this one sentence from his personal life section. I feel like, why are we trifling about writing this? Shagenberg lives in New York and Los Angeles and also has an apartment in Stockholm.
Very fancy, very posh.
Do we need to know that he had an apartment in a city like?
Come on? Like an apartment? Well, if he owns it, then he's got a reverse mortgage on it a Wikipedia. Look, we can get him and Tim selling together on a reverse mortgage in Stockholm. Take this shit international? Fuck Yeah. I will say two more things about Tom Selick. One, I did not know that he was in the army.
Oh yeah, him and Wilford Brimley was in the military too, So maybe that's another thing that they share, this is what I mean.
And also the mustache like it's the mustache that does a lot of the work for the Wilford Brimley connection. Now it does one hundred percent.
I see why you made the through line. They both have those mustaches and they're both very iconic.
And if you if you look, go and look at Tom Selek's Wikipedia picture right now, tell me that's not Wilfi Brims.
Yeah, he's you know, he's he's got to basically let his gray go and then he'll be exactly like Wilford Brimley. Put on a pair of overalls and he will be Wilford Brimley to a t.
I'm just I find it shocking, and I wasn't ready for this information. I wasn't ready to let our eighty six symbols become old people. Reverse mortgage commercial mm hmm. And it shocked me. And I cannot tell you how many times I've seen that commercial. But for some reason, I'm like the one hundred and seventeenth viewing, I was like, this motherfucker is Wilfy Brims. He's the new Wilfi Brims.
Listen, this is a great theory to be floating out into the world. I think you're absolutely right. They're they're following a trajectory. Both of them now are kind of grumpy give it to you straight guys about this stuff too, which is like, okay, maybe it's time.
It's time now.
Wilfrid Brimley, Wilfrid Brimley from Heaven is going to hold a canister of Quaker oats and he'll say, take take over from here, and.
Then joy glasses will grow on his face. Little round glasses will just grow on his face. It's like it's like a Santa Claus myth, like this is how it happens. Or I don't know if you saw this last season of what we do in the Shadows, uh oh shit, there is a whole thing about one of the characters growing into himself. I'll just say, and it's like that. It's like this, this dude never he always comes back the same. He never dies. He never Wilford Brimley never really dies. He passes the shit on. Twenty five years from now, you're watching the Prices, right, you've just retired. Who is in the commercials selling you a reverse mortgage?
I'm gonna google who's the most famous twenty five year old.
But this is the thing. It won't be them, because they will be in their prime. They'll be brad pitting it.
So you're saying, somebody's gonna be at least in their thirties.
Somebody our age, Oh, our age. Okay, it's going to be selling us things in twenty five years. Who is going to be selling us reverse mortgages in twenty five years? Or colonial pen insurance?
Chris Pine, Chris Pine. Here's why, here's why. He already has like the smoker's gruff.
Do you know what I'm saying? Like Chris Pine is craggy hot, y'all.
I don't know if you know that, but Chris Pine is fucking craggy hot, always has been.
When I saw the first wonder Woman movie, I.
Was like, this guy looks like he smokes like two packs a day, and he's gotta be my.
Age or younger.
So he's he's already he looks like a seventies actor. And I'm just like, Okay, well, this guy's already doing those commercials like he's doing them.
He's just the right look. But he's a star. It has to be. He's a star. William Shatner was a star, dude, Like he's a movie star.
So you're telling me that movie star. Okay, maybe you're right about that. All these are TV stars.
Love. I love this answer a lot. I'm thinking of, like, who's the Tim Daily of our generation? Like? Is it the dad from Twilight? I've oh, yeah, you know what I mean, Like just gave us enough to know who it is, but like, not movie star. I don't even know that guy's name though. That's the thing I don't know. I don't know him.
He's so hot and I don't know his name, and I've never seen it the Tim Daily of our generation? Like of of our age?
Is it Mark Paul Gossler? I mean that could be it.
I mean he was a little bit more of a teeny bopper though, that's like his his He was like a child star.
Almost, but then he came back with what was that show he did? Like Rizzoli and Isles know that was the lead Franklin.
And bash I've talked about it, Yes, I've seen I've seen Franklin and Bash merch in my desolate office space at work.
I think it could be a gossly Er simply because he's got a face recognition. Yeah, that's're a heart throb.
What look listen, what about your boy, your fucking boy.
What's what do you call him?
The one you see at the coffee shop all the time?
Your little Jojo Jojo dancer, Jimmy Jams Lewis yo yo. It could be Vanderbeek. It could be Vanderbeek. I'm saying, you see him all the time at my coffee shop, and I went to when I lived in La Yeah, I can see it. Come on, I got you. I can absolutely see it. I think that's the level of what I'm thinking is like, you're famous enough, we know your face, We're excited to see you in twenty five years. Yeah, and then we're like, oh damn, they're selling us catheters.
Look, I mean, I sat there. I personally think Tom Selleck is being greedy.
But you know, if this is, if this is.
The vibe, it's not do whatever you gotta do to make that scratch. I'm just saying I will personally be taking Cyanide pills because I will say I am too old. I am simply too old to live. All of the actors of my generation are now. You know, do hawk at all this old people's stuff. They're wearing the sketchers without laces, and I just simply.
Tell me, what, what is it? What is your beef with sketches without laces.
I just I'm just My dad was the one that told me that's this transitional shoe, the.
Transitional sho on to like old age.
He was like, I stopped wearing laces the minute those sketchers came in the door, which he wanted coals at coals. Okay, he's not wearing laces since.
What this is revolutionary to me? What? Yeah?
Oh yeah, he was like, once those sketchers came through, those like foamy they're like foam sneakers with no way. You just slide them on and somehow you don't get your heels stuck in the back. Like it's like this weird technology that the Sketcher's brand came up with where it's like, oh no, you don't have to struggle with like trying to wiggle your heel into them. They just slip in there. You don't have to tie any laces, and they're a comfort orthopedic shoe.
I've seen these commercials, yeah, during the daytime, because they're hawking the shit to pregnant ladies, old people. It's one of those commercials where somebody like tries to put on their shoe and they grab their back and they're like.
Ah, yeah, Oh. I was like, why don't you just wear a fucking boat shoe? Wear a doc shoe. There's two holes. There's two holes, that's not too many. Told no, he won't even wear those?
Can I interest you in a slipper, a sandal, a birkenstock.
Well, he does wear a lot of like he wears like recovery slides now because he's cool. He wears recovery slides.
What it's been your dad please golf?
Yeah, he slides into his hookah recovery slides. But then when he wants to be like he's like I gotta go to dinner, he's wearing those laceless sketchers. Or when he goes to the casino, it's like, let me put my dress shoes on my laceless sketchers.
Cannot believe that you have not sent me a picture of this at any time in the past. You were just hanging out with your dad.
Well, because it's like, I don't know how to feel about it, to be honest, because I'm like, yo, my dad's in this mode, you know, And it's all about.
Age, it's all about us confronting death. Of course it is. But he has a whole spiel ready for it. He told you it was a transitional shoe. Yeah, oh yeah, he's Uh.
Listen, old guys love to talk about that foot where. Make no mistake, they have opinions about shoes.
In a way that I never would have ever imagined. So they don't have to be sneaker heads. They can just be footheads. Oh yeah, they're all about that foot that art support everything. And let me also say that this in case you're wondering, listener, the transitional shoe, the slip in sketcher is a transit, the next step, the final step, the last pair of shoes you will own. Velcrow romper stompers. It's fucking common for all of us romper stoppers a velcro.
Are you talking about those extremely huge two velcrow strap shoes that you could get it like you know, sears or whatever.
Yes, but they have like a heel of varying thickness and they are meant purely for sliding along the floor. They're not meant for raising your feet. Wow, it is your final pair of shoes. It is a romper stomper. Do you think that Tom.
Selik is in those romper stumpers.
I think he's in transitional shoe. I think he's in a slip on okay, or a Croc. I can see him in a croc, I mean, not a transitional shoe.
It better not be, because I have like four pairs of Crocs.
So unless I'm in denial about some shit, I think Crocs and dance go sandals are transitional shoes.
Then that it's me into a fucking team dog, because I was like, I love a danceco clog and I love love a Croc.
I mean, but here's the thing about both of those.
They can still be for working folks. I mean there's a lot of like nurses and people in the food and beverage industry that wear those shoes, so you can still you know, you're not retired yet sometimes, but when it comes to slipping in.
What I'm saying is they are a transitional shoe because you are old and concern with your foot health. Now, oh one hundred percent.
I mean that's if you like, when you move away from waiting tables in converse and you move towards a dance go towards an Allegria and towards any of these brands, shoebrands that are one hundred and twenty dollars or more. That's when suddenly you have a concern about you've got planners, fasci itis or a bunyan or something, and you are no longer young.
Hate to tell hate to tell it, babe, is just the way it is. That foot ain't bouncing back. You're transitioning to a bell crow shoe. Soon you're gonna get to a point where you think a slip on sketcher is a cute shoe. I see.
I feel like I would be the last holdout for a sketcher. But I've said a lot of things in my life that I was like, I'm never doing that shit.
Man.
I didn't wear I didn't wear Birkenstocks. I had this, like crazy I had this like crazy hatred of Birkenstocks for years, and it was entirely because of that Jane's Addiction video where the guy throws the Birkenstock on stage and Perry Ferrell's like, somebody throws a Birkenstock?
Who threw a Birkenstock?
And I was like, fuck those shoes they're for hippies.
I have heard so many reasons why people don't like Birkenstock. That is the weirdest one. Weirdest one because a music video for I think it was for like the nothing Shocking era. Although of Jane's addiction that is wild. That's a wild confession. Listen.
The crator of Lollapalooza didn't like Birkenstocks, was offended that someone threw one on stage during a Jains and the concert. And that's I literally did wear them for like twenty five years up until now, up until the last like five to eight years of my life. I'm like, yo, them shits are comfortable.
Do you remember that tan I had in la Oh? I remember fucking Bergostocks. Dude for them all the time. I'm still wear them all the time. Oh my god, I will I would. I would also say, I personally think that you would fred Flintstone it before you went into a velacure romber snopper. Uhh yeah, I would never do that. I just think you'd barefoot it. Yeah.
I mean, if I live another twenty five years, I feel like there will be like very little I will stick to. But I might stick to that because I just don't think they look I can't make those cute.
No, but you're not supposed to be. The cute is over. That's that's what that shoe signals. Yeah, there is no more cuteness. That's been in too far, for sure. In a holiday sweater, an elastic waist pant, polyester pant, which I think they just mail to you when you retire. I've never seen those pants for sale. Every single old person I know has pair or two or three. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I think they just send them to you. They're like, welcome, you cross the thresholds a ARP and then you just get polyester elastic pants in the mail.
They're like, we know that you are completely bogged down by the idea of having choices, and now you'll just receive pants in the mail, and you'll get a food pill every day and wear these slidy, fucking ugly shoes and you'll love it.
You'll just simply love it. Here's how you know the polyester elastic waist pant is unconscionable. Not a single generation has tried to make it cool. Not a single generation has been like, you know what I'm rocking today? A polyester elastic waist pant. Yeah.
I feel like we talked about this in a very early episode, like no, no, like hipster came through and is trying to take like deeply old clothes and making them exactly you know, like like those sweaters that have the doilies on them.
Yes.
Remember we were like, yo, like, how come we don't see people on Melrose wearing fucking doily bib sweatshirts?
A doily bib sweatshirt with like those rose colored plastic glasses. Yeah, that people like if you had if you had parents who cared about your eyes, that's what you wore in fourth grade. Yeah, that and old people they wore those glasses.
Well, listen, I think it's a compleak, a ton of ground. We ended it on the darkest note possible.
This is some bleak shit. I'm just I'm just saying Tom Selleck is a new wealthy brims getting old as hell, and there's a transitional shoe that I was unaware of.
It's gonna be one of those Hey, it's gonna be one of those sodes you are classicisode.
And I cannot wait, I cannot wait. Do you want to tell them what our theme is? So that we can talk about your movie right away. Fuck yeah.
Our theme for this week, which was created by Daniel Henderson, is mom I said it picked me up at eight o'clock.
These are movies about the mall.
Right, movies about the mall, the feature malls in classic scenes. Actually, actually our movies were filmed at the same mall.
Did you know that? I know I looked at but.
Yeah, a very famous mall called the Sherman Oaks Galleria in Sherman Oaks, California, where they shot a lot of amazing movies.
Right. Yeah, it's kind of an extensive list. If you're ever like, if you're listening to this at night and you're just scrolling on your phone, look it up.
Yeah, it's like Valley Girl and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. It was like it was the place in the eighties to shoot.
Have we talked about this? You?
Have you worked in the mall before? Have we talked about this? Oh?
Yeah, I've definitely worked in the mall. I worked at a Gloria Jeans in the mall. Okay, when I first moved to California when I was nineteen. Yeah, and I'm like, that's I live close to the mall. I could skateboard there. That's where I'm working. What was the name?
So, what is the name of your favorite mall?
Like your mall if you were you know, here's the thing. When I was growing up, our mall was the Orange Plaza, right because my town is an Orange County, New York, and Orange Plaza was your typical brown and orange affair. Then, by stroke of pure luck, a new mall opened down the street in that town, same town, new mall, and it was called the Galleria. Oh wow, And it was just in time for me to be in high school and have friends who could drive, and we had a brand new fucking mall at our disposal. Wow, this shit was poppin'. So that's what I think of what I think of a mall. I think of first Orange Plaza, Rest in Peace, Queen, Yes, which is now a dirt mall. It turned into like a dirt mall, and then it was a flea market, and now it's like a series of shops like a Chipotle and a bed bathroom beyond kind of situation. But the Galleria still hoppin'.
Yeah, you're lucky, because a lot of malls are not cool anymore. There's a lot of shipball malls, especially around here where I live, which there are times I secretly love it.
Not gonna lie.
Sometimes they have like one story you're like, oh, remember that one store, and then you go in there and it's like everything else is haunted as fuck. But then you're like, but they got an h and m how was this pos you know?
But every other store has a gate in front of it, like dark inside.
Oh yeah, Or it's like your uncle's furniture business.
Liquidation furniture exactly.
He's like, I just picked all this stuff off of a truck and I now I rented some mall space and I sell it here and bamboo so oh good.
Well when well, this is how I want to ask how important was the mall to you? And when was the last time you've been to one?
The mall extremely important to me, like extremely like identity everything. Uh my my childhood mall like elementary school ish was Woodfield Mall in right outside of Chicago.
That was my mall.
They had an ice skating rink. I took ice skating lessons there. Then when I was a teenager, it was town Center Mall uh in uh, you know, North Atlanta. Aka Marietta, Georgia. That's where, like I think I've talked about how I, uh, this was a mall where you could still smoke, and so all the teenagers would smoke in the mall. And I worked there too. I worked at the survey place. I don't know if I've ever talked about that job I held. I held that job actually in two different malls I worked at. I worked at at the survey place in town Center in high school, and then after I graduated college, I went back and.
Worked at a survey place in a different mall. Look, that's where you get the most foot track. I don't blame you. Oh yeah, And like you know those I'm gonna tell you a secret right now.
And maybe maybe these businesses don't want to hear this, but it's been so long since I worked there. Uh, those surveys are being taken by like fourteen year old people and their friends, and they're coming up with fake names and phone numbers, and they're just they're just trying to get five bucks or like a gift certificate to like Bahama Breeze. They don't give a shit about your products.
So way of collecting information.
Oh, I know, I mean, listen, the reason why Clamato is on our shelves is because I guarantee me and like ten of my friends were doing surveys to be like, oh yeah, extremely interested, would definitely buy. I'm like, fill this out, here's your five bucks.
And that was it.
So oh but yeah, those extremely important.
And what was your other question? What was time you've been to a mall? Oh?
I went to a mall like two weeks ago because I had to return some clothes and uh, I went to a fancy mall here in Atlanta and.
It was dead. It was and I was.
Like, wow, like fancy mall, you know, a mall that has like high end shit. So it was like the gimbals they have like tom Ford and oh you know, like there's a Nordstrom there. There's no I don't know what else, but it was like it's kind of the thing where it's like a ship ball mall and a really high end mall are both desolate, yep, because it's like nobody can fucking afford a shop at the tom Ford mall, and then like nobody wants to go to the Uncle's furniture liquidation mall.
So they share. They share a commonality weirdly enough, and it's a weird it's a weird sad history because malls take up so much space and in so many towns they're just empty and useless. Yeah, and it's a sign of like a declining. There's a certain kind of declining that it's a sign of, but it's also a sign of like greed and space. And I don't know, it just it brings up a lot of weird feelings for me to see a mall, especially an empty one.
Oh, I totally agree, And I just because it felt like such the center of socialization for when like before you had a car, it was just like you get dropped off at a mall and it's like you're likely to see all your friends there. You're gonna see your crushes there, you know, and like that's just where you spend a lot of time. And so I don't know, in a weird way, I'm like, well, then where.
Do the kids go if this mall?
I was like, they don't even fucking go shopping like that anymore.
You know, where do the kids go? The kids are making a million dollars a year's Instagram influencers. They are fine.
The kids they're going to Macy's or whatever.
Their social network includes actual celebrities. They are fine, I know, though, it is it was just such a hub, a hub of so many things, and it really was the center of our universe, especially in the eighties and in early nineties, and it was, I don't know, this is a very special, weird place where you were forced to be around all walks of life. Yeah, if you wanted to go and buy a cassette or a CD, you had to suffer through a mall. Yeah.
And I gotta tell you, with these two movies that we picked this week, You're movie in eighty four, my movie in eighty five at the same damn mall.
This you couldn't have found. I mean, this is.
Probably like the absolute era in the absolute place. Like it's just like the finest example of the power of a mall ever.
Truly thought. I'm so excited. I'm so excited that we each picked our movies. And I cannot way to talk about yours.
Oh my god, I can'tot wait to talk about yours. I mean, honestly, this is gonna be a fun one. As you heard, we're on one.
So strap the fuck in, don't promise them shit. Do not promise them shit, because I'll tell you right now, me talking about my movie is going to sound like I'm having a stroke strap the fuck in.
Okay, let's let's get into it then.
I'm going first. So my movie for the theme mom I said to pick me up at eight o'clock is.
The movie from nineteen eighty five. It was written by Stephen E. Desusa, directed by Mark L. Lester, and it's called Commando.
Remember Sally, I promised to kill you last That's what alright, lie. I am just get a start out by saying this movie should have been called white Man Convinced as a Black woman to do crimes.
And they have no romance, no romance, just crimes, just crimes. We got to talk a lot about raid On CHOHn like in this movie. Oh my god, her character is absolutely essential, absolutely fucking essential.
I've talked about this movie before.
Actually, remember when we remember when we did our bonus episodes.
Okay, it was very early on.
We did an entire bonus episode of our favorite action films, and I think I revealed that I did not actually see this movie when I was a child. No, and tbh, I hadn't seen a lot of that kind of classic eighties action because that's our childhood, right, Like every every boy in our school was obsessed with like Predator and Commando and Determina. It was just like this big action movie era. And the funny thing is is that I had always heard that Commando was great, Like, how could I have not seen it, despite the fact that I've loved Terminator two since it came out, and I'm a huge fan. I gotta say I'm a huge fan of pre Govenator Arnold. We've talked about this as well, So, oh god, how can you not see Commando? It's like his best So at some point a few years ago, I did rectify the situation and I went on a date with someone and we watched it together. And while the day did not ultimately work out, this movie did, thankfully, because this shit is fun as shit. There's so many things to love about Commando. Oh my god, it's so good. It's first of all, it's directed by Mark Lester.
Like Mark L.
Lester, He's made some of the craziest movies that I love.
He made fucking.
Roller Boogie, he made the Class of nineteen eighty four. He made stunts an incredible film that Robert Forrester was in, and he packs a lot into Commando. I mean it's like all killer, no filler, it's never boring. And then you've got great actors in it. So you got obviously like Arnold, but then you've got like ray Don Chong and Vernon Wells and Bill Duke and our hersuit King Dan Hedeia.
You have you know, well known actors playing absolutely bonkers parts. Yes, one hundred percent.
But I will, having said any of this just now, this movie is a showcase for Arnold Schwartzday. You're plain and simple like and I'm gonna say this honestly without a horny bone in me, I promise you. But the ways in which Arnold was objectified in this film, without one deflection to humor or like self facement, is a fucking joy.
Oh. The male gaze is strong in this movie.
Yes, I mean think about it, folks. I mean you don't see that often at all, and I think that we have sort of touched upon the subject in previous episodes. It's that whole like there's like action movies and like anytime there's like, you know, muscular dudes with no shirts on in movies these days. Their movies are way too self conscious. They don't pull this kind of shit that you see in Commando. Okay, it's always like even in a movie like Magic, Mike Channing Tatum to me is probably like one of the most currently objectified men in film.
But he's like funny too.
Yeah, he's funny and he cracks jokes, and he's like, you know, self effacing, like he he like, you know, ribs himself, and.
I'm just like that.
It's not Arnold in Commando at all.
He tries to make jokes, but it's never at his own expense, right, No, he's not telling you. I know I'm hot, and i know I'm sweating, and i know I'm muscular. Don't be afraid of that.
Just like I'm gonna show you I'm a normal guy, but I'm also this like mythical beast.
He's like, no, I'm just a.
Straight up mythical beast, and you will like watching it.
A lord.
And this is Arnold, I swear to god, classic era Arnold. He was right off the first Terminator movie. It's it is flat top Arnold with his uncapped teeth, and he's still like in full body builder mode. He is like huge, and I'm telling you, this entire script is designed to show how strong he is and how good he is it killing people, and how he is a mythical creature.
It's incredible. They come out of the gate with where the first time you really see him, he's carrying a tree down the side of a mountain. Yes, just straight up carrying a tree, Yeah, down the side of a mountain.
Within five minutes of this film being on, there's a really tight close up of his bicep and it's just sweating. I mean, can you imagine? And it's not there's no joke. It's just literally like, here's my sweating, sweating, flexed bicep.
Who got the man rips through an airplane? In this movie, he takes a car seat out of a car, Like, you are absolutely correct that this is just about showcasing his whole steez.
Yes, Like, I don't even have a one sentence synopsis. I'm just gonna tell you, like the basic premise and then we're just gonna go We're just gonna hit it as hard as possible. Okay it The basic premise of Commando is that Arnold plays the retired army or like special Forces guy. And his name is John Matrix. I mean we I cannot get over this name. It's like a chev Chelli oh situation. John Matrix. Okay, he is retired. He's like living with his young daughter, who was played by Alissa Milano, right.
Jenny Matrix.
Jenny Matrix is her name, Jenny Matrix. They're living in the mountains where they have this very peaceful, bucolic lifestyle. In the opening credits, they're like feeding a deer out of their hands, and they're like learning martial arts, and it's this whole like we're having a lot quality daddy daughter time. It's no idea if there's a mom or where the mom is. It's just the two of them ever mentioned, never hanging out. Alyssa Milano has a very sensible, like older woman's haircut, and there are times if you're not like if you're just kind of like if you're looking at your phone and then you accidentally look up or something, you will be like, is that his actual wife?
Like, No, that's his twelve year old daughter. I wanted to raise this point because in this opening, in the beginning, there is a point where she makes him a meal and the way that she brings it to the table. You're like, this is very wife ly. This is like a very wife husband behavior. This is not dad daughter behavior. And it's part of what she's saying, but also just like how they're acting, yes, and then they like kiss on the lips. At one point, she's straight up just like, oh, what's going on in the news, and like giving him like a fully plattered plate with like it looks like a restaurant plate with like tomatoes on the side and stacked on a bed of lettuce, and I'm like, sincerely. So it's like, it's very bizarre. It's a weird vibe. It's a weird vibe.
It's a weird vibe.
Okay.
So of course suddenly a helicopter shows up in the middle of all of this, Okay, as as it happens in there in the life of the Matrixes, anything can happen, including a fucking full on helicopter that just shows up to their house. As it turns out, it's John Matrix's former boss in the military, who's like he's literally like gets out of the helicopter and says, listen, some bad guys that you shut down back in the day are back, and they are out here killing all your former buddies at their civilian jobs, and they might be coming after you. Okay, so here's the thing. The supervisor gets out of the helicopter, tells him this fact, leaves him two army guys to watch over them.
And the minute he leaves.
Some bad guy just pops out of the bushes, kills the dudes, kills the dudes who were who literally just got off the helicopter to protect before Arnold.
Gets a chance to tell one of them that he smelled them coming. Yes, yes, and like admonishing this dude, He's like, you didn't smell them coming, but your death is on you.
Brow. Yes, he's got he's some he's like the best soldier that ever was. And he's like the Dalton of Special Forces guys. So like we cannot believe he retired. I mean, he's just he's the best to have ever done it. He smelled people, He smelled people coming from a helicopter through the mountains.
So these these bad guys pop out.
Of the bushes, immediately killed the two guys and then kidnap Jenny Matrix. Okay, John Matrix comes down the Mountain to chase them. Then he ends up getting shot by a tranquil Azer dart by his former army buddy turned megabaddy, a guy named Bennett. He is played by Vernon Wells of the Mad Max movies of Weird Science. You definitely know him right, And a lot has been said about this Bennett character over the years, and a lot have questioned whether or not this Bennett character was gay because he's essentially.
Wearing what we would now consider maybe.
Gay fetish gear, like uh, chain mail, chain mail. Actually this chain mail vest that he's wearing.
Is made of rope.
And I was watching this documentary very recently about the International Male Catalog and there was a piece of clothing in that catalog that was that exact same vest that he's wearing.
And I found out it was called a stoker, So damn, I know.
I was like, Yo, this is a this is a real weird top for this guy to be wearing.
And he's got like a chain lock around his neck. He's got a huge mustache. I mean it's like a bandana, yeah, around his neck. He's he's a queer coding happening, Yeah.
Definitely, But it's it's very fascinating to just kind of think about while you're watching this film. So John Matrix has been triqualized, and then he finds out the whole reason that this is all happening was that the former dictator of this country called Valverde. The dictator is played by Dana Veya. As I mentioned at the open apparently at some point he was ousted by Matrix's squadron, and then now he wants his job back, and so he wants John Matrix to go to Valverde to get rid of the current president so that he could be the dictator again or something.
And I, how's this guy for me? Pease exactly. So then here's what happens.
They forced John Matrix to get on an airplane at Alverde. Okay, they and they put a one of their thugs on to monitor him. And they get on this airplane and they sit in their seats, which they don't give John Matrix the window seat.
And I was like, why did they not do that?
Because he can just easily get up and escape, because he can smell people coming up a mountain.
Because they didn't know a man could rip through a plane. Well that's exactly what happens.
Okay, First of all, they're still boarding, they're in the boarding process, and John Matrix kills the guy cracks his neck.
Nobody in first class hears it or season.
And then Matrix literally rips open portions of the plane to try to get to the wheels as the plane is taking off. It's in the air, and then he jumps off the plane from.
The wheels just right into like a lagoon, right into a lagoon. Then what does he do.
He heads back to the airport and is like, he synchronizes his watch and he realizes, Okay, I got eleven hours till I'm supposed to be in Valverde, and so as long as I can get this shit done in eleven hours, then they'll never know I.
It's never on the plane. Okay.
So anyway, fast forward to the airport scene, because this is the part where he actually meets raid On. Okay, the other thug that dropped him off is some guy named Sully. He's played by David Patrick Kelly and he's from the Warriors in Twin Peaks. He's a fucking creep in this movie, so creepy he sees it. We get the introduction to Ray Nonshang. Okay, she's a flight attendant. She's on the phone, presumably just after one of her workshifts, and this guy starts hitting on her while she's talking on the phone, this great creeper, rude as shit. Then he follows her to the car in the park, neck hits on or some more, calls her a horror, walks away, and then when he leaves, suddenly John Matrix pops up and.
Is like, get in the call, follow that man.
And she's like, are y'all working together?
Like?
Well, am I being assaulted twice in the same minute.
Oh, but don't worry. I'm gonna rip the seat out of your car so I can sit two inches lower than I normally would.
Yes, this guy is ripping car parts, ripping airplane parts, that's how strong he is.
It was unnecessary for him to do that, Like, it did not help out When he was sitting down on the onoessensibly what was the floor of the car, his head was still fully visible above yeah, fucking car door.
It gave him maybe an inch and a half tops. There was no real.
Comfort in that move.
And you know what, despite the fact that Raydon is like fucking terrified about all of this shit that's happened. She's a great part of this film. I think she's essential to this film. She's got all the jokes, all the brains. We love to see it.
Of course. So what happens. They start heading towards the.
Sherman Oaks Galleria, and this mall scene is incredible for so many reasons. I mean, first of all, the galleria is in full eighties mode. There's like all the old store logos, and there's like that weird giant balloon stick art shit.
In the raptors.
I don't know what this is, like a peep peo peo like laser balloon.
It's a core and it's fucking packed. It's packed.
Okay, So they walk into the mall, John Matrix and Raydon and they're like and and John Matrix tells her in very simple terms. It's like he just says, I used to talk to that guy who called you a whore in the parking deck because he kidnapped my daughter. So what has to happen is that you got to go over to the Bennegins or wherever he.
Just walked into.
You got to try to put the moves on him and then bring him over here so I can tell so I can make him tell me where my kid is and then fucking murder him in front of all these people. Like that's the plan, right, And then, of course that plan immediately goes to shit because the David Patrick Kelly guy finds out what the fuck is going on. He runs to a phone booth to call his boss in Valverde or whatever, and then John Matrix literally goes ape shit, Like he humps from another level down to where Sully is using the phone, and then he rips the phone booth out of the foundation. The entire phone booth came off of the fucking foundation. And I'm like, this guy is a mythical beast. I mean, who in the fuck is doing this shit? And like it's pure pandemonium in the galleya.
Everyone's screaming and running.
There's like a hundred ball cops are all getting shot dead, there's cops falling down the stairs. I mean, it's wild. And then at some point John Matrix swings from one of the little balloon Theo's balloons. He swings from like the top deck onto a moving elevator and then he gets hit by a car in the parking deck.
I'm like, what the fuck? And then hit like.
Eventually he gets to the car with raid On, they get into another high speed chase. It ends in a double car crash. Matrix completely unharmed, and then he grabs Sully out of his car, holds him over the side of a cliff Sugar night style, and he's so fucking strong, He's only holding the guy with one arm. I'm like, this guy is on some serious Royd's. I don't know what how is this strong?
But listen.
So you have this epic mall scene and then the other most memorable scene in the film comes up very shortly after this.
Okay.
So John, Matrix and raid On go to a motel. Okay, the King Bill Duke, another battie, another Valverde battie. He's posted up at this motel. So you know that he and Arnold or get into a brawl.
Okay. Arnold throws him through a door into.
The next room where there are two random people having sex.
Okay. I have debated.
I have debated this with several people, including our guests from last week, Pete and Scottie on their podcast. I'm pretty sure the woman is pegging the guying him.
Okay, wait, when he busts open the door, she is behind the dude, Okay, doesn't necessarily have to mean that, but it means that.
I it would be legendary if true. I don't know if anybody's gotten like hard confirmation that that's exactly what's happening, But in my mind, I really want that to be happening.
Dude. This is why I don't buy any accidental queerness in this movie. Like they're too bold, they're too provocative.
But just imagine crashing into another person's hotel room but there's a woman pegging a guy. I mean, that's just like fucking. That's like chaos of the best order ever. Like I'm just like, this is incredible, it's fun and it's funny too because Raydon's like crouching in the corner while all of this is happening, and she's and she says like some of the funniest lines, Like she basically is like I can't believe this macho bullshit, and that these guys eat too much red meat, which maybe, like that was that was a very astute eighties observation, is that red meat was causing all of this, you know, hyper testosterone happening all around her. And I gotta tell you that if that's the problem, that is that's the problem. Because the rest of this film, Arnold is continuing his face of superhuman strength. He's flipping fucking cars, He's pulling giant chain locks apart with his bare hands. He's driving excavators through buildings. At one point, they break into this like Arby Navy store and they do this like toys r us fun run grab or they're just like taking all this like military grade weapons, shit and equipment. I mean, I'm lucky that I didn't see this in eighty five, because I swear and I'm lucky I wasn't a twelve year old boy in eighty five, because I swear to God, I thought, I think my head would have exploded if it were me. You know, watching this scene of like them just grabbing weapons.
The way this movie flows, it definitely is like meant to be re enacted on a playground.
Oh one hundred percent. I mean, Raydon accidentally fires a rocket launcher in the wrong direction and she blows up a fucking building. She ends up flying a plane that she doesn't know.
How to fly. She is getting her pilot's license, right, but she doesn't fly though what is it she does a fly says those or whatever.
It's like this weird She's like, this is the only plane I don't fly, and of course like it's harrowing, but she makes it because she's essential to the film. There's also this like really epic scene where Arnold jumps out of the seaplane and he canoes to the island where like the you know dan Hedea characters, Evil Layer is and he's wearing these like black swimming breefs and then he weapons up like he's he's like basically naked canoeing. He gets to the shore, pulls all of his weapons out of the canoe, and then he starts put on It's like this see where he's putting a most like tactical gear and like camel makeup, and there's like smoke in jungle. It's like there's this like free jazz saxophone that's been wailing literally the entire film, and it just kicks in a high gear and it's just this like ridiculous straight guy camp moment. You know what I'm saying, Like absolutely so over the top, and it's.
This is the entire film.
The entire film is basically like, look how strong Arnold Schwarzenegger is. Let's watch him kill as many people as possible and that and that's and raid On is there to provide levity.
It's certain points. Dan Hidea is doing an accent mm from I don't know where hard to say, Yeah, I could not figure that out at all. Yeah, but why, I mean, I get they've made up velve. He could have just been Dan Hadea. Yeah, it's true. That was a choice. It was a choice.
It's a very eighties choice. Commando was straight guy Camp. It's also gay guy camp. I mean, it's everything, it's everything to all people. And honestly, it's so fun.
It's so eighties.
I mean, like I said, it's really like it really just packs a quick little punch, incredible.
Mal scene and you know, I don't know.
I mean again, I watched this later in life, and now I'm regretting it because I think that if I was watching this as a child, I probably would have maybe have been a different person who knows it.
Was pretty dope. I saw it as a child, and not when it first came out, Like I was seven when it first came out, I probably saw when I was like ten or eleven, and there were definite re enactments. There was a lot of jumping off of things into piles of leaves, attending that you were John Matrix.
Yeah, this was like like for me, like it felt like such a good classic Arnold role.
Yea, so great choice, great mall scene. Oh great, I mean I loved it. I loved revisiting this time. I also loved revisiting my film. Oh of course. So my movie was released in nineteen eighty four. The screenplay is by Tom Everhart and it was also directed by Tom Eberhart. And my movie is Night of the Comet. Hey, I'm sorry, at the End of the World makes me a little nervous, So I'm going to give you a one sentence synopsis. My one sentence synopsis is two valley girls try to survive after a comet turns almost everyone on planet Earth into piles of red dust, but inexplicably turns some people into zombies.
Now, you mentioned this this movie during the Miracle Mile episode.
Yeah. Now, this is an old standard for me, like an old favorite, and it's one of those movies where I never knew the name of it. For a while, like I always caught the end of it or caught a certain parts, and I never knew the name of it for a while, and then one day I saw it from the beginning and I was like, holy shit. Yeah, but it is a standard and this movie is it is not good, but it is fun. Yeah, it is a bad fun movie. And this movie is also two stories. So in one story you have two valley girls trying to survive the apocalypse, and in the other story, you have a bunch of scientists deciding if they want to help anyone who survived the apocalypse. Like it's a very strange like watching these scientists, scientists fight over whether or not they should like save the only people left on Earth and have them like come down to their bunker. But first and foremost, there's a comment coming. And it's a fucking party like all the planet Earth, especially in La, in downtown La. It is a goddamn scene like people are holding upside. It's like a tale gate party for a comment. Oh my god, that I forgot.
I have not seen this movie in ages, and I forgot how fucking funny it is. At the very beginning of the movie, where it's that voiceover that's like sounds like a scientist type guy that's like explaining the comment, and then it immediately.
Cuts to these like stupid.
People in like Times Square that are like common fever baby, Like it's so funny, and.
This one's also like weird and frustrating about the movie because it's that part is absolutely hilarious. But there's this whole voiceover about like the visitor has been here before and hashim been back for sixty five thousand years and blah blah blah, and then you never hear anything about it again, never hear anything about it again for the rest of the movie. So you're like, Okay, this comment is probably tied to this visitor thing, but like who knows because we never hear about it again. So there's these these two all girls that are sisters. Could not buy two people being sisters less like I could not. There's no way in the course of human history that anyone is related in this sister pairing. So you have Regina, and Regina is played by Katherine Mary Stewart, and she works at a movie theater and she's obsessed with video games, and she also within like ten minutes of the movie starting protests and then negotiates fucking the projectionist who looks like a lumberjack. Yeah, and his name is Larry and he's played by Michael Bowen, a young Michael Bowen. Wow. And this is the only reason she survives this comment is because she's inside the projectionist booth fucking this lumberjack guy. Then you have her Samantha, and Samantha dresses like a French fried dipped in ketchup. She gets punched in the face by her very evil step mother. Their dad is like an army guy or he's like a military guy who's just gone. Yeah, and they're left with this horrible step mother who's like fucking everyone in the neighborhood and like hates them. But other than that, Samantha's genuinely unbothered. Yeah, Like there's not much getting to Samantha. So then the comment happens and we see the evil step mother out in this like block party looking up and the sky turns red. And then the next time you see those people, they are piles of clothes on the street next to piles of red dust that used to be people, and not even the dog survive, Like there are dog collars out there like nothing has survived. You were outside while this comment was happening. You died. Yeah, no explanation for how was it in the trail of dust for the commet? I don't know. Did they drop something down, what did the visitor come down and chomp them all? I don't know, and you will never know because they never revisit this. But both Regina and Sam survived because they were inside. So Sam, because she got in a fight with her stepmother, is spent the night in the lawn shed and Regina was in the projection booth. So Regina comes home and there's this scene where she leaves the theater and it's the l Ray Theater, which is a pretty famous theater in la and I looked it up. Not only is it still hoppin', guess who's playing pretty soon Tody's and Reverend Horden heat fuck, yeah, it sounds like my jam. So she comes out of the l Ray and is completely unfazed by the piles of clothes and dust everywhere everywhere, And then she has to go around to the back of the building because she locks herself out and Larry was supposed to leave, but his keys are there and that's where we see our first zombie. I'm saying zombie because I don't know what it is, but it's like an undead or half dead person with big old cuts in their face who's trying to like kill her. Right, she does get away somehow because weirdly, in the middle of the fight, she like throws the keys to the motorcycle that Larry drives. At the motorcycle, I'm like, why are you throwing these keys.
She's like, I just want you to be closer. You guys should be together.
You sink case. So then she goes back home, meets up with her sister. She's like, the world this fucking ended. Have you not noticed? And her sister's like, man, and she keeps like pouring a bowl of cereal, like maybe I don't know. And they decide to go to a radio station because one it's the eighties and two it's still broadcasting, so they're like, there's got to be people alive there. No one is there. It's a looped tape. But at least they meet Hector, and Hector is the weirdest person you would ever want to be caught dead with at the end of the earth. Hector is a weirdo. He pulls a gun on them right away. Then he starts talking like he's just an absolute weirdo. But of course, because he's a last dude on Earth, Regina starts flirting with him, and Samantha's just straight up djaying. She's like, I'm just gonna be pressing buttons and pulling levers, and then she gets a call on the broadcast phone for the radio station from some people in the desert. Like when I say she's unbothered, she does not. It's the end of the fucking world. And she does not even care that the phone rang and somebody was like talking to her. She's like, I don't know some people in the desert. So Hector in the in the middle of this, decides to go to San Diego to make like super sure that his family is dead and say the weirdest lines ever committed to screens. So he's in San Diego, he's at his mom's house. She's dead presumably yeah, and then this kid breaks in and he just starts spouting the lamest lines. He's like, you're luky, I like kids, and then the kid like chases him out of a window and he's like, there goes the neighborhood and I'm like, Hector, what is the point of view? Hector?
I mean he theoretically is like, you know, the only man left or something.
You know.
They keep floating that idea around a lot of this movie, and honestly, I think Robert Beltran, the actor who plays actor, is hot.
I think he.
I This movie weirdly is like this bridge between like Eating Raoul and chopping mall. Like there's so many like shared actors, and like Mary Warnolf's in this movie, you know, and she and Robert Beltran were in Eating Raoul and that's what I saw him for the first time and was like, yo, he's hot. So in this movie, I was like, they're kind of like both the sisters are like, do we think he's hot? Because we might have to have babies with him to continue the human race, so let's figure that out.
You know. It's so wild. But they're like trying to negotiate this, and he's like, I'm going to San Diego, be right back, and You're like, okay, they both want to repopulate the earth with you, You get that right, Yeah, But then so Samantha finds out shit. Samantha has a little rash, but it's you know, She's like, it's probably just stress. It's no big deal. And then it's time for the mall. So while they're killing time waiting for Hector to come back, they go to the mall and it's an eighties fucking shopping spree and it is like a girls just want to have fun style song, and they're trying on outfits and they're coming down the stairs and their fucking coats and their jewels and they're having a goddamn blast. It is the most I think it's part of the reason I chose this for a mall movie is because it stood out to me even as a kid, as like one of the most memorable mall scenes because what happens next is unhinged. This is an unhinged scene, so you figure out they're not alone in this mall. There's a guy named Willie who comes on over the speakers, and let me tell you, creeps will always survive. Creeps are like roaches. The creeps absolutely survived, and they are kind of like the leaders on the mall now. And what's weird about Willie is though even though he's a total creep, he's wearing like a salon smock m so it just kind of takes all the teeth out of anything. He says, yeah, and then he like he's kind of pretending to be nuts, like he shoots his own guy and she's like, you're crazy, and he's like, I'm not crazy. I just don't give a fuck, Like he's trying too hard to kind of be that bad guy. And he's also half zombie. Yeah, that is very clear, inexplicable, never discussed. He's wearing sunglasses the whole time and he takes them off and she's like, oh, you're one of those and he's like yep, and that's it. Yeah, it's very bizarre.
I think they're called the stock Boys or the Evil stock Boys or something like that. They're like this group of like punk looking dudes that are in the store. I had to actually do a double take because I actually thought that Willie was played by jellabe Offer.
From The Dad Kennedys.
I was like, Ah, that's him, and then yeah, I guess, I guess it's a different actor. But I was like, Oh, this guy is weird as shit. He definitely looks like he's in an eighties punk band. But then he's how is he a half zombie? I don't understand how this works?
And I literally never explained. And they were apparently inside because they survived the comment, right, but they were inside and still got kind of turned a little bit. I wish somebody took a moment and to just say, hey, guess what, we need to explain this at some point in this movie.
Listen, We've talked about this because you know a lot. You were famously very into science fiction and have you know, you understand the rules of science fiction and I always have a lot of questions for you. So in this movie, there are like no rules.
To any of this shit.
And it's like, yeah, so as a I mean, in your world, is.
This like unforgivable? You like you have to give something right, absolutely unforgivable. Because now I'm focused on what the fuck is happening to make people turn? Yeah? And is this gonna come back at some point in the story?
Right?
And it never? Is? It kind of? I mean it kind of is at the end. And trust me, I am gonna spoil this movie because it is bad. It is a bad movie. So they're in this fucking mall and then the scientists are like yeah, I guess we'll save them. And they're like, where would two girls go who have nothing to do? And they decide, like they figure out that they're at the mall and they go in and save them, and it's a whole fucking thing. And then they they split the girls up. They take Regina away with them on this helicopter and they leave Sam at the mall with one of the scientists and they're gonna experiment on Regina and try to kill Sam, essentially because Sam has been exposed to the comment again, never explained what does it mean to be exposed? What does it mean like you have a rash and then what is this? How you progress to zombie style? Never explain. So, but don't worry, because Hector comes back just in time to watch one of the scientists die by suicide at the radio station. Like he just comes in dressed like Santa Claus and he's like, hey, I'm back. My whole family's dead, and she's like, I'm killing myself and he's like, who are you? Where are the people I was here with? She's like injecting herself with a fucking liquid and he's like, I would like so many answers please, Yeah, are you a zombie? Who knows what's going on? I just showed up, I have gifts, It's almost Christmas time? What's new? What's happening, what's popping? And truly, who are you? And then she just dies but he finds out that sam was taken. He saves her. We don't see it, but he saves her, and then they pull off a heist, as you do, with her inside of a trunk they play, They play a surprise heist. They save Regina and some kids that are also being experimented on by these scientists in this desert, and then in the end they all turn into the fucking Hogan family. This movie makes no sense, and yet I cannot stop thinking about it and watching it every few years. It is the weirdest ending. And then Samantha at the end is like, oh god, you guys are like a whole family now, you with your fucking experimented on kids, and you got the last guy on Earth, I guess. And then this guy just randomly pulls up in a car and is like hey, and she's like, oh thank god, and like hops in with him and drives away.
Yeah, I Hugh, First of all, we had a really good setup for Regina, right. I was like, she works at a movie theater, she plays video games, she's cool as shit.
She like has taken self defense classes like her dad of you had to use like assault weapons exactly, like, yo, this is our queen.
And then at the end of the movie she like is essentially Sandy Duncan from the Hogan family. Yeah, she's a mom.
Is she wearing a doily bib dress, a Doiley sweater and she's eighteen. Let's not forget she's eighteen. She puts on the uniform so fast, a fucking belted Doiley sweater and a long ass Laura ingleskirt and boom, she's a mom to these two kids from a lab and the desert. It's just it could not be stranger if you tried. So wild. It's so wild, but it's weirdly, it's so much fun to watch, but it is not good.
Listen, that moll scene is really iconic because it's just like.
It is the song.
Girls Just Want to Have Fun made famous by Cyndy Lapper, but it's definitely not Sidy Lapper singing. It's somebody else singing it, right.
It is a B side it's like a B track maybe C track singer. They had no music budget for this movie. They had no budget for this movie, so they definitely didn't have a music budget for this movie. This is like someone's ant singing in a garage with their fucking cassio.
Somebody pressed record while their aunt was on Star Search and was like, we're just gonna use this.
For the film.
They but it's like the part where they're like, there's this like really great shot of her putting down her like assault weapon next to some pumps some like looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker, And I'm like, that is a tablescape if I ever saw one, that's for fucking Thanksgiving.
I need, like, you know.
A an automatic style weapon next to some shoes some ladies footwear.
Absolutely unreal, Absolutely unreal. Yeah, it is a sh and she has at one point one of those. I don't think ever wore one. But I always associate these like sparkly berets with Ricky Lee Jones. Oh yeah, because like her bangs are over the beret, like it's only on the back half of her head. It's like a yamaca beret and it's super sparkly, and she's wearing one of those like suit jackets that's also a skirt, Like it's just short enough to be it's long enough to be a skirt, but too short to be a dressed.
She looks like Rebby Jackson in the Centipede videock.
Ah, not Rebby Jackson. It's twenty twenty two. She fuckets did it.
They're like all they all look like they're about to go on the town, all kinds of like, yeah, bejeweled, you know, furs and like fancy berets and shit.
I'm like, none of this. All these outfits are not conducive to.
Nuclear holocaust or of the apocalypse or whatever the fuck is going on. Y'all are just running around doing career opportunities.
In these furs. You need to get in one of those scientists jumpsuits and leave this day to night barbie shit behind. There's no room for glitter in the apocalypse. Get yourself in a fucking tactical uniform. There's nothing but dust around you. The sky is blood ran through the whole movie. Yeah, Like, ma'am, I know you're eighteen and like the sixteen I'm guessing, but again, it's the eighties, so every teenager looked like they were forty, like her younger sister looked older than her somehow, I don't know, but like, come on, get in some get yourself down to the husky boy section of that fucking nor Stroms or whatever the hell you were that sears. You need a husky pair of dungerreaths, not even jeans. We're not talking Jordash, We're not talking designer. You need a hunger ree you know, working denim that can withstand this dust.
You need the velcro romper stomper of pants. You need sinking that is tactical and sensible.
Get for this. Yeah, exactly got you got to do?
I mean it's like, okay, let's have a tiny bit of fun to this off brand version of girls.
Just wanna have fun, But like.
You got a fucking world out there that you don't even know what the fuck is going on.
I don't know. I would not I would personally not be playing dress up. I'd be freaking the fuck out. I'd be thinking, first and foremost, is our water tainted? Where's that water supply? Because there's red dust bodies everywhere? The fuck are we gonna drink? What did you get what are we gonna drink? What are we gonna eat? Do we have to cover ourselves up from this stuff that's in the fucking air? Is that why Sam has a rash? Again? It's never explained. How do you get exposed it? I mean, there were so many steps before shopping spree. Yeah, they need a commando style bust into an army Navy store shopping spree. Oh.
I was literally waiting for that, Like I was like, I know, I hadn't seen this movie in forever. I felt like there was definitely like a mall madness situation, but I didn't realize it was the opposite. I thought it was gonna be like, Oh, they're gonna go and get like weapons and stuff. I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot that they have this like opulence this first section, this Tommy Gunn with the shoes or whatever, and I'm like, wow, was I off the mark? I misremembered this film completely.
So they have to have one last gasp where they're like, we're never gonna have fun again, so we may as well. They didn't know the Hogan family was coming for them, like we're never gonna have fun. We're eighteen and sixteen and our lives are held now, and I guess we're just gonna bop around in this mall and then fucking Salon selectives. Willie comes out and is like, what's up. I'm the least fucking threatening dude of all time. They could have just pitched him over the banister, like there didn't even need to be a fight. He was just like such a strange I don't know, it was a very strange character.
Yeah, Regina fought a fucking zombie at the beginning of the film. She can take this guy out, no problem.
She could take this guy. She could take this guy. She doesn't but she could take this guy. So yeah, it is. It is just one of those mall scenes that I clearly associate with this movie, but also with this timeframe of like totally it is an Aquinet scrunchy sock time. Yeah, and I love it. It's so fun and I truly The last time I watched this movie was a few years ago with my friend Amelia, who had never seen it before, and I was like, it is not good, it is fun. We're gonna watch it. We got we got some wine and some pizza and we watched the night of the comment, and she is also a television writer and a writer in general. And as soon as it was over, we both to each other and we're like, who has the rights to this? We got to remake this? Yeah you should. If I was ever going to remake anything, it would be this, because I would just just to explain the fucking story, yeah, bully, and give it like a new mall scene. What would a new mall scene be?
Oh my god, don't even like, yeah, I mean it would it would. It would be what Instagram stores.
Sponsored ads like Etsy. Who knows? But somebody does, somebody owns the rights to it. We couldn't get it.
Wow, that's fascinating. Yeah, such an iconic mall scene. But a real fun movie. I mean a lot of loose ends, of course, but you know, it is so such a vibe that like eighties la vibe. I mean, it kind of shares that in common with Miracle Mile, which I think is so cool that you actually brought this movie up during that episode.
Yeah, but like, yeah, I mean both.
I can't believe both these movies. This wasn't planned, by the way. When we came to the episode, we were like, what are what is something we want to talk about. And then they just happened to be both shot at the same mall within like a year of each other. However they were, the movies were released within a year of each other. I'm like, well, here we go, primetime mall. Yeah, holy shit.
Oh that was fun, fun, fucking fun. It is again just the wild just the Wild Ride. Yeah.
Well, listen, I if you have stories of the mall or anything, any feedback, you can email us at I Saw What You Did pod at gmail dot com.
And you can also find us on our socials at I Saw pot on Instagram and Twitter, and you know what, why you're at it? Just why don't you leave us a five star review? Why don't you leave us? We've had a lot of people leaving Saint Almos Fire reviews, which I love. I love it too, I absolutely love it. But let's give you knows something else to do, because a lot of people tell us they want to leave reviews, but they don't feel like they can write leave us a five star and just comment a transitional shoe just like ten of you do that to make us laugh. You can still keep doing sant Almost.
Fire, but I will I will never not laugh at sant almos fire reviews that will always be with me.
But give us a transitional shoe and an emoji, it will make me laugh so hard. You know, if you know, you know? And look, we also have some movies for you next week. Oh yeah, Millie, do you want to tell them what the movies are? Yeah? I sure will.
If you don't get this theme, you're fucked.
Basically question your whole life. If you don't get this, you.
Are absolutely fucked. No. The movies for next week are The Omen from nineteen seventy six and Pet Cemetery from nineteen eighty nine.
Uh uh, cannot wait to watch both of those with my grandma.
Oh my god, they're probably in her Hall of fame. Those are probably all timers.
Huh, both iconic to her. Yeah, iconic for different reasons and for me also for different reasons. But I can't wait. This was a blast. Next week is going to be a blast. We might be back on our daytime caffeination recording routine. Oh I think so, I think so, so. Get ready, folks, listen.
Danielle is always a fucking pleasure to this podcast with you. Tom Selleck is the new Wolford Brimley and I don't care.
What anybody says. It's it's just the way it is.
Bye.
This has been an exactly right production, produced and mixed by Casey O'Brien and our theme song is by Tom Bryfogel. Artwork by Garrett Ross. Our executive producers are Georgia Hartstart Caring, Tile Gareth and Daniel Kramer. You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at I Saw pod, and you can email us at I Saw What You Did Pod at gmail
