How Men Think with Nayte Olukoya (The Bachelorette)

Published Apr 7, 2022, 10:22 PM

He found love on the Bachelorette!  He's engaged to Michelle Young and now he's ready to give us all the love lessons he learned along the way.
 
Nayte is great with the good advice.

We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey everyone on Naquoia. You may know me from Michelle's SU's in the Bachelorette as the one who won Michelle's heart. UM, I am so happy to be guest hosting How Men Think. We're gonna answer all your questions and try to help you understand how men think. But first, this is eleven Questions with Natequa, So let's get right into it. What are you known for? Tell us about yourself? Um, known from, like I said, the TV show bachelorrette one who stole Michelle's heart, the guy who has in the bag, as I like to say, um, but yeah, predominantly i'd probably say like ninety the people who know me now, UM know me from Bachelorette. But of course you know, I'm mostly known as a son, friend, best friend, acquaintance, coworker, mentor mentee. So again it's kind of like who you Who are you talking to? UM? Who am I in my personal life? Um? My personal life is just that as personal, So you know something about me. I just love being by myself. UM, so kind of think about what you did today that's probably what I did today. I just did it by myself, so you know, I like to uh as of right now, obviously I'm still long distance with Michelle, so um, I'm just like your regular guy. I gotta I got to work every day. I go to the gym, I run in the morning, I hang out my my dog, go for walks, read books, listen to music. Um and I just truly just enjoyed time by myself. I don't know, kind of like a loner, but in like a really peaceful way, I guess. Um, but yeah, that's definitely a regular dangular guy. Three shows that I've been binge watching right now, Um, Dampire Diaries. Do not judge me, but I love Vampire Diaries. Um, I don't know. I think that vampires are like the coolest things in the world. So I'm ginge watching show Guilt Free for like the third time. Um. And I'm also actually on book three of Game of Thrones, so I guess that's not really binge watching a show, but definitely binge watching, um these books of Game of Thrones, because I think I've seen Game of Thrones four or five times now from beginning to end. So really enjoying the books. The books are are actually like they they are breathtaking. Those are the craziest books. Like It's yeah, shout out to the shout out to the author. Um. And then for other shows Seinfeld, I mean I watched Seinfeld since since I was a kid like you. You might struggle to find a better signed or a bigger Seinfeld fan than me. I genuinely love Seinfeld, So that's always playing in the background. Um. And then you for you, of course you gotta you gotta say you for you. I feel like everybody's watching before. If you're not watching it or if you didn't watch it, um, you're kind of a weird though, So I was. I was watching uh before you there too. Um. Let's see what is your favorite food? Nigerian food one d and ten percent cannot get enough of Nigerian food. Um, either my dad's home cooking or my aunti t ts home cooking. And now that I live in the States, it's kind of you know, I'm not I'm not eating as much their home cooking. So I've been teaching myself how to cook beet to Nigeria food because when I started cooking Nigeria food, it was terrible. So I've been I've been putting some work though I'm getting a little better, but still not as good as my AUNTI T T or my dad's home cooking. UM. Tell us about your career. Um, that's nothing, nothing too crazy. I'm working on a couple of things now. But my career is very normal. I started working in sales and a T and T my sophomore year of university. Um, so shout out a T and T because that's how I paid my way through college. Um. And then I graduated and got a job at Indeed right out of college. Um. Yeah, I loved Indeed. I was there for a little over two years. Uh. And now I'm currently working in legal tech. So I'm still in sales. But it sounds a little bit cooler when you say you were in legal text. So that's what I'm doing right now. Nothing too too crazy. Biggest fear in life, hands down, regret. I think growing up, I used to be Um I was, I was pretty scared of dying, and then you get older and you realize, like, you know, it's not necessarily deaf that's so scary. It's it's you know, regret dying, dying with regret. So I actually have a tattoo on my forearm that says there's nothing worse than a regret filled coffin. So that's kind of kind of how I how I lead my life. And I don't know, dying with regret just absolutely terrifies me. Um, must see. My biggest pet peeve people who are rude to people in the service industry. Um, there's nothing nothing worse than that in my opinion. Um, whether it's your Uber driver, your server at a real nice restaurant, you sort of at a real bad restaurant, whatever it is, janitors, U, I ain't think the service industry if you're rude to those people, you just gotta you gotta loo yourself in the mirror and asked, that's like, what's to your issue? Um? Yeah, I can't. I can't stand people every to just everyday workers. You know, that's that's never a good look. Um, what makes me the most happy? So that's gonna depend on the day in situation. Really, I mean it's kind of it's kind of a harder question to answer. Um, not to overthink it, but you know what I mean, Let's say you know when you're having a good day and that's that perfect song pops on like that's obviously gonna make you really happy in that moment. Or you haven't seen your best friend in a while and you guys are about to hang out. That's gonna make you really happy in that moment. Or you're having a bad day, but your dog just you know, jumps on you and cuddles you, Like, that's gonna make you happy in that moment. So for me, I think it'd be really hard for me to pinpoint exactly what makes me the happiest, But I'd say I try to when I do experience happy emotions, try to like just hold on to that feeling for or like just give it like my full attention so that it does make me like even more happy than than it normally should, you know. Um, But asking what makes me the most happy that is too broad. Who you know, it's changes from dayance situation, what your current mood is, whatever it is. So I guess the way I can answer that is that what makes me the most happiest is holding on too happy moments for as long as I can. UM. Next question, let's see what is my ideal Saturday morning? Um, wake up before eight am? I like to get to the the day started. Walk my dog. I like to run in the mornings, come back, eat, drink a bunch of water, trying to say as hydrat as possible, go to the gym, come home, clean my house a little bit, lights and candles, and then again going back to the happiness thing on that Saturday morning when you get all of that done and it's not even known yet, like that's a happy feeling like that you just want to embrace the fact that you just did like very important things. Um you know all before noon. You've got the rest of your day now to do whatever that you want to do, you know. Um So that's that's my ideal Saturday. We're just trying to do as much as possible before before. Um Am, I'm more of an athlete or armchair quarterback, despite what the show may have shown you. I actually I am an athlete, and I hate the fact that I now have to defend myself on my aspect. But I am an athlete people, um but yeah, so definitely an athlete over armchair quarterback. But I will say that, um, I do find a lot of joy being armchair quarterbacks with either my stepdad or my dad I love I love sending, but sitting back watching the games of them, um, you know, and and being an armchair quarterback with my dad or my stepdad. So um, there are there are times where I genuinely enjoy being armchair quarterback. Um. And what keeps me motivate? So for me parents, my parents definitely keep me motivated, you know. I think for both my parents kind of going back to my biggest fear of being regret um, you know, I think I think that would be something that that you know, I'm scared of, just regret of not making them proud, um, not living up to my potential you know, for me personally, and then also not living up to my potential as as their son. They're gonna know, like you know, like what happened to Tenday or what happened to Nate, Like he could have been so much bigger than this. So I think that that keeps you motivate. I definitely don't want to let them down, um you know, so I yeah, I think what keeps me motivated is the fear of regrets still, so you know, which is I think it's a good thing still, you know. But yeah, those are my eleven questions. You get to know me a little bit better. We are going to take our first break and then take our first college pretty good, How are you? I'm good, I'm good face for asking. So I have this guy friend. We have been friends since college, so it's been about ten years now, and we've hooked up a couple of times over that ten year period. Not too long ago, he asked one of my girlfriends out, but she told me. She told me that she wasn't sure if she was interested. She didn't think she was really interested. And that same night, he and I we were all at a party together and he and I left together. Okay, So she asked me this last weekend what happened between him and I? And I told her the truth. We left the party together, we slept together. No big deal, I thought, But it is. I guess it's a big deal because she's really mad at me now, and he's really mad at me because I told her the truth. And I just I don't know, like I was, was I supposed to lie? How do I I want to fix this with both of them, and I don't know what to do right. So the guy that this guy, obviously you guys have been hooking up prior to him asking her friend out on a date. Correct, Yes, just a couple of times period, Like not a big deal, right, So like like super casual, no big deal, not too many emotions are are involved. You genuinely wouldn't have cared if if you went on a date with your with your friends. Not at all, not at all? Okay, Yeah, this is this is a this is an interesting to situation. I think that, and I can only I can only speak from from like what I would have done. I mean I would have done what you right, I would have I wouldn't have lied. Um, I wouldn't let your your friend know like oh yeah we did leave the um the party together, um, and and everything else that happened. Um. So I wouldn't have lied. I think I would just explain to your friend, like she knows. I'm assuming that you got in the last ten years super casual hookups, um, and that it was nothing more than that, and that you know, she was already kind of on the fence of whether she was going to go on a date with this guy. Right. So I don't think I don't me personally, I don't think you're in the wrong. I think that feelings. You know, I think feelings could have gotten hurt from like an irrational spate, irrational spot of your friend. I don't I'm not necessarily sure if feelings should have been hurt on her. And then from the guy's perspective, I mean, I don't really understand why. Um, he's he's kind of bent out of shape for you telling your friend, you know, the truth, you know, at the end of the day, like that's that's your friend. You know, you guys are really good friends. UM. And I don't know, I think and I think in most cases, lying just doesn't make sense. Um, people's feelings are going to get hurt. Um, and then you kind of just got to navigate, you know, are you are these feelings getting hurt from a rational spot or from an irrational spot because most of the time, um, when emotions are in play, a lot of it's going to be irrational. And then right now, I think all this doesn't need to be as big as it currently is. UM. So my advice to you would just be to talk to your friend one on one, the guy one on one and just kind of like explain, like, hey, like this has been going on for ten years, is not as deep as it sounds. Um, you know, I could you know if if you guys are really wanted to date and start getting to know each other, like of course you know this isn't going to continue to happen. So but it's still so early, right, Just because somebody asks you on a day your friend out of day, doesn't mean that you just you know, this is ten years in the making of you guys having this type of relationship. Um, so you know, maybe not the maybe not the best advice, but that's that's the that's the pirst thing that comes to mind on my end is that you know, I think this this it's not as deep as as actually seems to be. Yeah, so again, not that this is that's a sticky situation. That's the hit me with the hard one. You hit me with the hard ones, Toney. Sorry, Yeah, I'm just so I'm so overwhelmed by the whole thing. It's just all my friends are mad at me. And that sounds overwhelmed. That that does sound overwhelming. That that's that's a sticky one. That's a sticky one. I think really it all comes down to communication, like like, pull both of them aside individually, talk to them about it where they're coming from. Um, plead your case, let them plead your their case, and I'm sure everything we'll we'll resolve itself time. All you have to do is talk it out and then things will be fine. Yeah, I hope. So sorry I could have been more help Sitney. That was a hard one. You got yourself in this love triangle. Terrible. Thank you though I appreciate it. I do really appreciate it, of course, of course, all right, thank you, of course. But hey, how are you doing. I'm good. How are you guys doing today? Good? Good? Good? So what is the question. Hopefully I'll I'll be some assistance to see how men think. Okay, so here's my question. Um. Recently, one of my best guy friends from college has a new girlfriend, and I really like her. We've like started to become close, and she confided me that her boyfriend and so my really good friend told her that his last relationship ended mutually, that it was just like fine mutual breakup, when in reality, he cheated on his former girlfriend. UM, I'm feeling really awkward now because I know for a fact he lied to his new girlfriend and this new girlfriend that I'm becoming close with said that like, if she was ever cheated on, that's a deal breaker that she would like end their relationship. So I feel like it's completely unfair that, um, she doesn't have this information since this obviously would change the course of the relationship. So I'm just in this weird in between in the situation. You gotta hitting me with some some hard questions. Okay, let's see the advice I would give on that, because that was down stick right, because that's that's your that's your one of your best guy friends. Yeah from for a time, right, one of your best guy friends with a new girlfriend. And you said that you you do know his girlfriend, So yeah, we've become close because of them dating. But it's not I didn't know her prior, so obviously his we I've known him for ten years, so our relationship is obviously way closer than my relationship with her. But it is, you know, we are, I mean, the girlfriend are becoming close. She's super nice and we get along very well, right, right, I understood. That's a tough one, right, because that's like, that's that's like one of your best one of your best you know friends, Um, I don't know. I always say you know, it's that there's just simply no point in lying, especially with something kind of large like this, Um, saying that something ended mutually, Um, when in reality, I mean he cheated on his ex girlfriend. Um. If you know, I'm trying to think if I was, if I were in your shoes and this is happening with with a friend and um, you know a girlfriend or something that that you know, I'm talking put myself in your shoes, what I would do? I think I would What I would I would obviously talk to your friend, like the your your guy friend, and talk to him like, hey, like, um, I talked to your your girlfriend. She told me that you said that you and your ex broke up mutually, when in reality you actually cheated. Like, um, you know, Like, what the hell are you doing, dude? Like, why are you lying to your girlfriend right now? Especially if this is a you know, a new relationship and it's already being kind of built online. I mean, that's that's never a direction that you know, any relationship take, but especially not in the beginning. Right. UM, I'm assuming that your friend, your guy friend, he's not a bad guy, right, It's not like he's out here being delicious with this lie. Um. I think he probably genuinely really likes this girl and he probably knows that she you know, like any anybody would want to kind of kind of say like, hey, have you cheated on your your you know, if you cheat in the past, I'm going to be a little bit war on guard or just something no longer interested. So he probably wanted to just avoid that. Having met this new girl, wanting to impress her and kind of like continue seeing where things go. That's probably what led him to live mm hmm. And I think if this could be kind of turned out turned around to be a positive. You have that conversation with your guy friends saying, hey, man, like you can't be lying, and then he goes to his girlfriend and he like just straight up admits, like, I was really nervous when we got into that conversation about my by past relationship. I ended up lying to you. I told you that it ended up mutually. Um. You know, Shannon told me that you guys kind of you can find and Shannon about that, and it made me feel really bad for lying to you. Um, the truth is da da da da da um. You know, and if he comes, if he comes correct like that and it's kind of like he explains why he lied. You know, he understands that he shouldn't have done it, um. And the reason is because he's like really interested in this girl. He doesn't want it to end. Um. And it was just, you know, it was at the beginning of the relationship he was nervous. This On the other I think hopefully his current girlfriend will be understanding, um. And then of course I have the conversation of you know, listen, let's not bring lying and no, let's not make lying be a part of our our relationship moving forward, um, and hopefully everything can kind of move forward in a in a in a positive way, and then you don't have to continue with the burden of knowing the truth, and he doesn't need to have the conscious of knowing that he lied, and you know all that fun stuff. Right. So you guys kind of like nipping in the butt, you kind of convince him to do that. Hopefully he does do it, hopefully, and and his girlfriend is understanding hopefully. I think that would be the best way to kind of go about this situation. Okay, yeah, thank you. I really appreciate that. It's just I've been like struggling with this a lot. But when you break it down that way and makes me feel a lot better about maybe his point of view of it too, because honestly, I was a little upset, like why didn't he just tell her the truth? But tell the truth. And then the funny thing is, if you would have just told her the truth, Um, you know, I'm sure like if there was like some serious interest right up whenever that conversation came up with was very very early on she hit his girlfriend, probably would have gotten over it. And you know, maybe we start a little bit of trust issues. But again, um, with persistence and effort on, you know, things like that can can can kind of go away. Um. So that's the funny thing is if he was just honest from the jump, I'm sure that big of a thing. But hopefully with him you know, coming correct, explaining why he did do this, admitting it without um, you know, getting caught per se um, it will lead to like you know, hey, this guy, this guy did lie to me. Um, it was you know early on. We can move forward and let's just make sure that line just not become a part or piece of our relationship moving forward. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, he might even get some brownie points off that. Honestly, Yeah, it's better than her finding out like that's the worst thing that can exactly exactly exactly. And then if you, if you get the credit for you know, like having that that conversation with him, then she's just gonna like you even more. Couldn't turn around to be a real, real positive you never know. Yeah, I guess we'll see. But okay makes a lot better though. I feel like I have a good idea what direction to go with this? Perfect. I'm glad I could help it. Okay, thank you, of course, talk to you better. What is up, Caitlin? Hi, how's it going? It's good? How you doing great? Get to get to see you? Yeah? Nice? Uh, I mean I guess I can't see you, but I guess exactly. So how can I help you? What question? What question do you have for me today? Okay? So I had this situation the other day. Um, so I had my boyfriend's phone and then I saw a text message pop up from his friend that had my name in it. So I opened his phone and read the text thread because obviously if it involved me, I wanted to know obviously, And I found out that my boyfriend has been telling his buddy about intimate parts of our relationship, and it don't It just made me really uncomfortable and I want to ask him to stop, but I don't want him to know I went through his phone. So I wanna ask you how to approach this without, you know, letting him know that I went through his phone. Yeah, yeah, no, most definitely. I mean, here's the thing, here's the thing, right, Like, I don't think, I don't. I don't personally, I don't like when people go when when couples go through each other's phones. Now, if you glance over and you see your name in there, I mean, curiosity is gonna get you. I mean, if I was in your shoes, I probably like, okay, cool, like like what's he saying about? Right? So you open it up and let's say it was nothing. Who cares like it's whatever. But now you find out that he's he's um, you know, talking about some intimate parts of your relationship, well that whole like, hey, I shouldn't have gone through your phone. That kind of goes up the window, you know what I mean? Like my only like if I was you, I would just I would go straight to your boyfriend and be like, what the heck is this? Like you're talking about some real, like intimate parts of our relationship. He's like, how do you know about that? I went through your phone? That's all I know? You know, Like, what's up? You know what I mean? Like I would, you know, I would, I would, I would say that with your chest. I would be like, yeah, I went through your phone, like you're talking about some some real intimate parts of our relationship. Um, you know, you know, you know, I'm I'm being a little animated right now. You don't have to go that hard on him, but you know, letting him know, like you know that how that makes you feel that you're not comfortable with that, um and that he should should cut that out, you know what I mean. So I wouldn't let the fact of how you found out stop you from, um your feelings about what you found out, because that's obviously what what's what's most important is your feelings about what it is you found out, how you found out. I mean, hey, whatever, you went through this, right, you know, and it's something like you really went through his phone. You just you saw your name pop up, you clicked it, you saw up. You know what, going through all the d m s and text messages and tweets and all that stuff, you just casually, you know, saw your name in a conversation and you were curious about it. So I wouldn't let the fact that of how you found out deter you from um still kind of deter you from you know that that's those are your feelings. But that's what you have to protect the most, right and if you feel uncomfortable, but you gotta let let that know, let that be known. So right, Yeah, exactly, Okay, thank you. That's that's really good. I appreciate it. Thank you. Okay, thanks so much. How you doing, Claire? Oh hey, how are you? I'm good? I'm good. How's your day going? I am doing all right. Just trying to avoid some rain over here? Oh yeah, where are you at right now? Ohio? Like northeast? Okay, okay, I got you. I got you. It was a little bit of rain right now soon. But hey, what can we do? Yeah? Better than snow? That is what type of advice are you hoping to get for me today? What's the question that you may have for for how may think podcasts? Yeah? Thank you? Um, okay, so I need to figure out if I'm being too sensitive. Um, Like, my fiance will not stop texting his friends. He texts them all day long. And I mean it's it's NonStop. So it's like, okay, if he's at work or whatever on a break from work, fine, but we only get evenings together really, and it's like all evening he's just texting his buddies. And yeah, you're kind of trying to go get some some nice alone time. Yeah, you know that that's the idea. And like I even went so far as the one time I told him, can you please just go put your phone in the other room for a while, and he literally told me he can't because he needs to text the guys. So when you say he's constantly talking to this friend, it's not like, you know, every thirty minutes applies, like you're literally talking about his his phone is in his hands seven he's he's just going crazy in the group chat. Yeah, it's it's all the time. Like he'll set his phone down, Like if we're eating dinner, he'll set his phone down, but the phone will be next to the plate and then it's like eat a bite, texts a thing, interesting, interesting, yeah. I mean, look, there's there's there's a time and place for everything, you know, like that would be wrong. I'm in many many A group chats, you know, many A group chats, um and and I love talking to my boys. But at the same time, you know, if that's if it's twenty four seven and and all you want to all you want is just have a little bit of you know, one on one time with your fiancee. UM, I don't think I don't think you're in the wrong. You're not being too sensitive because if this is an every day it's not like you know, a couple of couple of days of the week. You know, if this is like a Monday Wednesday problem, and the rest of the days they're fine, then then maybe you know, like let him have his Mondays and Wednesdays, you know, but this is this is every this is every single day. I don't think you're being too sensitive, you know, not at all. I think, you know, I think that's definitely a conversation that that that you you you're in the right of having, especially if that's making you feel um, you know, I think you guys are feeling a little bit dis stin or whatever, you know, just not feel yeah, you know, especially if if like other feelings are starting tricking of, you know, like growing apart or just feeling distant. Maybe not as serious to growing apart that's a little extreme, but just feeling really distant from your fiancee um, and then even trying to kind of because of course it's not like you guys got engaged and have this wonderful relationship and you know the whole time it was you know, him seven in the group chats, right, So it sounds like and I could I could be maybe being a little bit harsh on your fiance right now, but it sounds like, you know, maybe he even got a little bit comfortable, right because he definitely didn't get you as his fiance, if you if his attention was seven and these group chats, right with all the trying to write, so you know, trying to you know, go back to like the starting blocks, um of you know, how the relationship came to be, how the relationships started forming, um. Because he definitely didn't get you by you know, texting his friends twenty seven. He got you in in a much different way. UM. So I don't think you're being too sensitive, especially if it's starting to affect the relationship, which maybe again I don't want to, you know, pry too deep. But if if, if that is the case, and that's you know, you're not being too sensitive in any way shape for him. Um, that's a conversation that should should be brought up. And you know, hopefully you guys find something to the middle ground because his friends are always gonna be there. He's always gonna be one of talking to his friends the same way I am, um and most guys are. But there's always a time and place, you know, especially at the dinner table or if you guys are watching a movie together. I can't stand with people text when I'm watching a movie with them, you know what I mean. So, you know, if you guys are doing things, you know, going on dates, whatever it may be, it's a time of place and he has to respect that as well. Yeah for real. So hopefully I can get his attention long enough to make that clear. Yeah, hopefully, hopefully you might even have to tell the hopefull the phone in the toilet or something you haven't all right, I just things Still, it's a good thing. You gotta limit how much time you on your phone's you know, um so, it's a it's a good thing, you know, maybe maybe the toilet bowl. You know, I might actually get a good idea, get him, get him off the phone for a little bit. Right, So, it'sn't sure sure you know exactly exactly? This isn't sure they're good. No, but no, I don't think you're being too sensitive at all. Thank you. It's it's good to get that confirmation. Of course. I'm glad. I'm glad I could help, even if it's just a little bit. Yeah, I appreciate it. I can I can go forward with some kind of assurance that I'm not yeah, right exactly. Well, I'm glad I could help. Um but yeah, thank you for calling in. Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate your time. Hey, how do how are you doing good? How are you? I'm good, I'm good. Thanks for calling in. What type of advice could I hopefully be able to to give you? Um? So, my husband and I are friends with this group of like four other couples, and so, like one of the wives in the group often sends my husband like these weird flirty texts and like when when he's out of town, so he thinks they're innocent, so he'll make mention of him casually when he calls check in with me. But it's happening more frequently and it's really starting to bother me a lot. So my and my husband thinks I'm over reacting. So I just don't know if I'm over reacting at all. And I kind of had the idea to start texting her husband to see how they both feel about that, or like how she feels about it, right, I hear you. I you know, I think I think most people have been in situations like to this. Um, to start off, I would definitely say, you know, no need to text the husband, you know. I think at this point at the end of the day, you know, because I have I have friends who deal with like certain things like this, and I kind of always say the same things I've even you know, I've obviously been in a situation before as well. UM, I think at the end of the day, if this is something that bothers you, and and and like these are actually flirty texts, not just like hey, how are you doing, but like actually like it's clearly flirting, you know, like where both of you guys can look at each other and eyes like Hey, I know that you think it's very innocent, husband, but let's let's let's be let's be honest with each other, with with with ourselves. She's sexty when you're out of town, and um, she's clearly flirting with you, right, I think that if that's the case, then really, what is you know? Is here is your husband replying? I guess I should ask that at the beginning. Yeah, I mean this like he says, he gives off like maybe a couple one liners and then that maybe he stops, but he's still interacting with her. Where ye shutting her down by if you're not playing it off but also be helpful. Yeah, exactly, And that's that's that's what that's the that's the the direction I was going. You know, like if if you have that conversation and you let your husband know, like, hey, I'd be much more comfortable, Um, if you would just simply not reply, because if you know, she's going to continue texting and he just never applied, eventually she's going to stop, right. But if he just simply doesn't doesn't reply, it's not going to ruin this this um four couple of friendship that you got that you guys have going on. It's not like, um, you know, it's like she's gonna start hating you or or start hating him, because that's the case. I mean, she just already kind of seems, you know, like it's a little crazy, right, So you know what I mean. So I think that, like, you know, at the end of the day, you are his wife, and if this is legitimate flirting and it's legitimately unacceptable and it's legitimately affecting you know, it's it's making you uncomfortable. He needs to respect that more than he needs to respect whether he's coming off as a nice guy by giving off one word replies or just kind of going on on with it, right, because if his if his defense is like, I don't want her to think I'm ignoring her. I'm not a nice guy. Well, really, what's more important? This this one couple who you were in again a group friendship with? Uh, this one one person that's group friendship thinking that you're rude for not replying or having your wife, you know, feeling uncomfortable. Of course, you know, like any any husband should he should be picking you know, my wife's comfortability. Um over this one person thinking like oh, he sucks because he's not replying to me. So if you're okay, if you're okay with it being like resolved as as easy as him just simply not replying anymore, then I think that's the direction that you guys should go for sure. And then of course she just needs to understand that too, you know. And I mean if he has right, and if he has if he has an issue with that, then it's kind of like, hey, dude, like you're you know, you're choosing, You're choosing, you know, you're coming off as a nice guy over your own I feel like that that doesn't add up, right, So right exactly? Okay, Yeah, thank you. Yeah, And that helps a lot that that makes sense. At least I feel validated because that makes sense to me. I'm glad I cope of it. Okay, thank you, thank you for calling in. Next up is your written Q and A right after this break? So one of your guys has written Q and A S for me? Is is there ever circumstance where it's okay to lie to your partner, even if it's an innocent lie to protect them? Um? I do believe that there are circumstances where it's okay to lot to your partner. Um, let me give you guys a quick example. Let's say I'm talking to Michelle. Michelle's talking to me. She's explained to me that she is nervous. Um, you know, she's about to go go on stage at a public event and public speak for a bit. And let's say, for sake of conversation, she says, you know, she she has she has a pimple on her forehead. And she asked me, Babe, this pemople really really really noticeable. But it is No. I'm gonna say, no, it's not school. You look fine. I could barely even I could barely even see it. You know what I mean? Did I just lie to Michelle and a person? I just lied to Michelle. Now, hopefully with that lie, she's not going to be thinking about this pimple on her forehead while she's out speaking at a public event. Um. So, in that situation, do I feel like it was okay for me to lie to her when clearly that pimple is big enough that you can see it in the back row. Of course, I think it's okay that I lied in that situation. Now, this is a lot that's going to, you know, really mess up trust. And it's something that's gonna hurt some of these feelings because at the end of day, if Michelle finds out I lied to her about the pimple, is she gonna hate me for the rest of my life? Of course not right now. This is a lie where she found out that I was lying. When she is gonna aime me first of my life, that's probably something I don't want to lie about, right So, Um, to answer that question, you're smart enough to know whether this is a white lie or a large lie. And if it's a white lie, I think you're you're good to go. All right, Let's go into another written Q and A. Let's see how do you let a friend who may be interested in being more than friends know that you don't have romantic feelings for them without ruining the friendship? Is it possible for guys and girls to just be friends? First question? How do you let somebody know that you're not interested when they're interested and they're your friend? Um, I'm a firm believer that if you don't make things awkward, they will not be awkward. You only need one person in a party to not make something awkward and it will not be awkward. So this has happened to me before, I have a friend. She lets me know that she she looks at me more than a friend. I let her know I don't see her in that way. Um, but I don't let things get weird, you know, I just I continue the friendship as if you know, not as if that never happened. Of course you're gonna be aware that it happened, but let's not accurate about you know, we're still friends and good friends for x amount of time. Let's just continue in the exact same, you know, motion, as we were before. And if that's the case, then that shouldn't be This shouldn't be awkward, and this shouldn't ruin the relationship. I think that, you know, when this happens to people and they have a friend let them know that they want to be more than friends, and you don't feel that way, then you get kind of awkward or like that's kind of weird. You start overthinking it when you know, just the other day before this person said that to you. You guys are friends, You guys are best friends. You guys just hanging out clicking and watching movies whatever, it is. Um, So just go back to the exact same energy and it won't ruin the front the friendship. I think when people start getting awkward or overthinking or thinking that's super weird or whatever it is, that's what's gonna that's what's going to affect with the friendship. Um. But if you truly want to continue being friends with this person, just keep just keep on the same energy, keep on being friends. Um. And as long as you don't make it awkward, it won't be awkward. UM. Now the second part of that question, is it possible for guys and girls to be to just be friends? How to percent it is? Um? You know, I think I think it is. These are a little bit of a level that makes it sometimes harder, I guess, you know, depending from situations from case in case. Sure, I think we've all been there. Um. But at the end of the day, of course, guys and girls can be just friends. I don't think that there's there's no reason why guys and girls can't just be friends, you know what I mean? So, Um, of course, of course, UM, guys and girls can just be friends. Next written question, let's see our guys intimidated by women who date multiple guys at once? Is it better for us to be up front about casual dat Yes, it's always better to be upfront about casual dating, especially if you are intimate with multiple partners. That's something that you know, even if it's a brand new partner, that's something that everybody deserves to know. Um, you know that there's you know, they don't need to know the ins and out of your of your love life. But if you're casually dating multiple people and you're about to be to intimate with somebody, I think that's something that that's somebody deserves to know and be able to kind of assess the situation whether they want to proceed forward or not. Um, So our guys intimidated by women who date multiple guys at once? I'm not sure if intimidation is the right word. I think do guys care? Yeah, guys, guys definitely would want to know that. You know, So, you know, if I if I just met you and I'm really interested in you, um, and I find out that you have you know, thirty different boyfriends, shout out Michelle as a joke, Um, you know, I might want to proceed a little bit a little bit differently. Um, then if you know I'm just the only guy that you're talking to, you know, I might want to, you know, kind of learn about you in a different way. Um, whatever it may be. So I'm not sure if intimidated is the right word. I think some guys it's not going to be an issue. Some guys is going to be an issue. And some guys are actually gonna respect the hell out of you for for being honest. Somebody, you know, like, Hey, I am dating multiple guys at once. Um, you know it's two thousand twenty two. You know, it's a it's an open playing field. I want to I want to see the best man out of all this, you know. So I think I think a lot of guys who respect that. Some guys just won't want to be it, won't be interested, but some guys are definitely gonna respect that. Um. So it's my answer to that one one more of the written to an a Let's see, Um, if we are feeling overwhelmed by the amount of time you are spending with the guy, what is the best way to say we need space? My answer to that is the best way to say that you need spaces to say you need space. Um, if you are feeling overwhelmed. That that's that's the key, that's the key to that question is the fact that you're feeling overwhelmed. Um, And I always think that you the person that you gotta you know, worry about and care about. You know, it's obviously yourself, you know, it's it's your star players. So if you're feeling overwhelmed, then that kind of proceeds how the guy might feel in that situation, like, oh, is it going to hurt his feelings? Is he gonna this? Then the other like, no, you're feeling a little overwhelmed. That means that you you your body is telling you by that feeling of being overwhelmed that you need some some space. You need to reset, have some restore and relaxation, have some one on one time with yourself. So, um, I think the best way to say that you need spaces to you know, say that you use space or if you don't want to be that blunt the next time he has to hang out like oh, you know, you know what, today I'm actually going to uh um, lay in the bathtub and read a book. Or Hey, I actually can't come to dinner today, I'm gonna go to the dog park of my dog. Oh can I come with no? Sorry, you know what, I'm gonna just spend this time with with my dog and just kind of have a date to myself. Now, if you're with a guy who has an issue with having a day to yourself, um, that's a conversation in a self, you know. So, I mean that's a red flag right there. So if that's the case, you know, we can have that conversation. But if it's you know, you're just kind of finding what's the best way to say that you need some space? Um, you know, just let him know that I'm gonna have some time to myself and and nobody on this planet should have a problem with anybody having time for himself. Um, So that's how I answer that one. Alright, guys, thank you so much for your questions and your calls. This was a blast. Um again, this mate, Olakoya probably know me from the Bachelorette. I am the guy who had it in the bag. But you can find me on Instagram at King Bubbat Sunday um and Michelle is currently trying to get me to go crazy on these TikTok so. I think my TikTok name is what is? I think it's the King Bubbat to Day. Maybe it's King Bubbat Today ninety four. Either one, you'll find me. It's King Bubbat to Day something. So um yeah, so catch me on on social media and I had a real I had a blast of it. Um so again, this is how men think and we will talk to you next time. This is how men think. An I Heart Radio London Audio production Listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.

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