We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This is How Men Thick and I Heard radio podcast. Hi everyone, I'm Christopher Palaha. You may know me from Lifetime, is Buried in Barstow, or Hallmark Christmas Movies, Life, Unexpected, Ringer, North Shore, Wonder Woman, The Upcoming Draftic World Dominion, and I am so happy to be guest hosting How Men Think and answer all your questions and trying to help you understand how men think. But first, this is eleven Questions with Christopher Palaha. Let's get into it. One. What are you known for? Tell us about yourself. Um, I think I'm known for I'm obviously I'm an actor, so I think I'm known for being an actor. But I think more than that, I'm known for being a kind of a family man. I'm married. My wife and I have been married for nineteen years. Going. Uh, actually we're celebrating our nineteenth anniversary this week, and we have three beautiful, healthy boys who are now men basically. Um. But but aside from that producing a family, I've been I've been making TV shows and movies for the past twenty one years. I just got into directing so I can call myself a filmmaker. So that's kind of a bit about myself. Um So who are you in your personal life? Um? Who I am in my personal life is very similar to who I am in my public life. Um. I am pretty patient person. I would have to call myself a kind person. I'm a person who's pretty slow to anger. I don't really lose my cool. Um, I do have different hats that I have to wear. Like as an actor, I I live in a world where, uh, I am a celebrity to some people, and I get, you know, lifted up into the stratosphere of social sort of significance that that my job affords me, but that I don't do anything about personally. So I think in the sense that there's an exterior you know, sort of in the market place life where I'm in the public space and I'm moving about and then I get to just lose all that energy when I'm home with my wife and kids. Um So there's a bit of a dichotomy. There three shows that I'm currently binge watching. All right, my wife and I like to at the end of the day, kids are in bed, homework has done, all the house chores are finished. We get to we get about an hour and a half every night. UM, on a really good day for her, I will rub her feet and we will watch shows. We've Bnged Dope Sick, which is incredible starring Michael Keaton, We Crashed and Half Away and Jared Leto and Drop Out with Amanda Secrety. Those are things that Those are literally the last three shows that we've just been watched. UM alright, Question number four, what is my favorite food? You know what, I used to be fancy about my favorite foods, but I gotta be honest with you. My favorite food is a good old fashioned cheeseburger. I like cheeseburger from shake Shack. I like the cheeseburger from a place called Laurel tavern in the valley. And I was just in France and I asked for cheeseburgers and people made fun of me, and it was the They were the best cheeseburgers I've ever had in my life. Like the meat was so tasty and good. And so I think cheeseburgers to safe bet. Anywhere you go, you get a good one. Number five, tell us about your career. When my career is been really blessed and good. I've had twenty one years of affording my life by only acting. I've only ever been an actor. I've never had to do other jobs to make it, so in that way, it's been really blessed. And I've also been the kind of actor where I can go to the growth True store and shop with my kids and not be bombarded. I've been with some people who, Um, I worked with a guy who was really famous, and everywhere we went, i mean we're talking like the hot We're talking the you know, anywhere we went, like anywhere everywhere, people were like, Hey, you're so and so from that so and so thing. And I asked him when I was like, how does that feel like when you're with your family? And he's like, oh, it's crazy, man. He's like, I'm always kind of having the And I've watched intense scrutiny that that fame brings, and um, I've been saved from that at least all my kids have been young. And so I've had this really cool thing where I've been able to be a father, able to be a husband, able to be a provider, and still have probably one of the best jobs in the world, which is, you know, pretending to be other people and entertaining people and getting to make people laugh and cry. My career has included television and film, and recently, UM, I got into co writing a romance series called Moments Like It's called from ConA with Love. But um their books and the first one which has been published and is out and available right now, it's called Moments Like This. And the second book will be available at Barnes and Nobles and everywhere the books are sold October eleventh. That's called Where's Roses? And we're gonna write three more in the series, so it'll be a total of five books. And these are romance. This is the romance. There's a family saga that all takes place on the Hawaiian Islands, so each book is a different island. And we're turning the first book into a movie. Um yeah, And I just recently got into directing. I did a short film called The Work of Art that was just screened to canned film festivals. So exciting, fun stuff. Um. Number six, what is my biggest fear in life? Oh? What is my biggest fear? Man? It's not it's losing people. It's it's the death of people that I love. That's my biggest fear. And I think the best way to describe that fear for you is that, Um, when I was a boy, I would weep hot tears every time my mom or my dad left, whether they dropped me off at Little League or they bringing home from school and they had to run an errand real quick, I would start to cry because I was terrified and convinced that they were going to die in a terrible carrect and then that was it. And the only way that I was able to overcome that was to say, like, in my mind, visualize, well what next. Okay, so they die and then what happens, and then what happens, and then what happens, and see their death all the way through um to the end. And I think that would be I think my biggest fear. And then the problem with that fear is, unlike the fear of spiders or heights or sharks or inevitably, it's going to come to pass for me on every level. So that's I think it's a it's a constant awareness of that. Um. Okay, number seven, what is my biggest pet peve? My biggest pet peeves probably rude people market, you know, like at the grocery store people who cut you off in traffic. We take some minutes to recalibrate and not get angry. Um. What makes me most happy? My wife and my kids make me most happy just being able to hear them laugh, be around them. You know that's always the best any time with them. What is your idea Saturday morning? Well goes back to number eight. Most happy? Uh, my wife and I'll be sleeping and our kids will just dogpile us and we'll all just be laying in bed in that moment where there's nothing to do and you don't have to get up. There's no there's no school to drive anyone to, no work to do, and it's like a perfect Saturday morning. Number ten, Are you more of the athlete for the armchair quarterback? I'm like more of the athlete. I like to run a lot. I'm very active. I ski. Um Like every time I go to a new city, the best way around it is to job early in the morning. Um. So I think the athlete And then what keeps you elevated? Um? I have a lot of goals that I've set for myself, and I feel like until I can meet those, uh, that keeps me motivated. There's stories that I want to tell. There are things I want to accomplish as an artist. Um, there are things I want to accomplish, you know, financially, and I want to see my kids, you know, go up and grow up and do well. And so those things keep me motivated. Hi, Eli, Hi, how are you? I'm great? How are you doing the day? Very well? Thank you good. Do you have a question about how men think? Well, I'm single, I'm trying to get out there in real life and rather than relate relying on dating apps. Do you think it's strange to me a girl out a loan or a bar? I mean, I think it depends on the bar. I think it depends on the night. I think it depends on the time and night. Um. I think there's a lot of you know, things you got to weigh into that question. But no, I think a bar is a social It's a it's a town. It's a public meeting place. It's where people go to, you know, to have a drink and to talk to other human beings. I think that's what bars were designed for. You know. I'm I'm I'm of a certain age. I'm forty five, and so the whole thing of meeting people online was always in an anthema to me, Like I never thought about using the internet to meet anybody. So there's a whole generation of people where that's the normal, you know, status quote. But it used to be you had to go to church, you meet single people at church. You went to a bar and you single, you know, or you go jogging or any public place. So I don't think it's weird at all. Okay, I just didn't know if that looks kind of tacky. But you know, there's not too many routes unless you're going to go on online dating, which I was trying to avoid. So I appreciate these. Thank you. I mean, I think if you sip, if you sit modestly throughout the course of the evening, you know, if you're like ten drinks in, it might be a little uh might say something about it fair enough? Thank you? Hi, Amy, How are you? I'm doing good? How are you doing great? Thank you? So what's your question? Okay, So my boyfriend and I decided to abstain before marriage, and we've had this agreement for about five years. But lately I've had a change of heart and I'm just wondering if maybe we need to see where a good fit before we get married. So I don't know how to bring this up to him. Wow, Okay, first off, let's unpack the fact that it's been five years. That's a long time. Um, are you guys engaged to be married? Are you gonna get married? Are you? Yeah, we're engaged. We're waiting, So it's we're not going to marry in the next month. You know, we're planning, so right, I mean, my first gut instinct is to say, you've waited this long? You know, there's something like I think. Okay, first off, are you have you abstained? Are both of you virgins? Have you both substained your whole lives? Or were you guys active prior to dating and then made a choice after you started dating to sort of abstain? Like where did the choice for purity come in? Um? So not in my younger, younger years, but um, we both converted and we decided that we were going to abstain. Yeah, I mean, I think it's a really interesting conversation. I think that if you are, like, for example, if you're a Christian and you've made the decision to substain for religious purposes. It's because you're in a relationship with God inasmuch as you in a relationship with this other person and you want God to have you know, you want your relationship to you know, you want to have purity in that, you want to have favor in that you wanted to You want to be doing the things that are that are right according to your faith, and so that you can do things that are right according to the to the faith within that relationship. Um. You know, for example, my wife and I waited. She was a virgin before we got married. I was not um but when I met her, I made the decision to wait with her. UM. And in a weird way, like when you believe in God and when you like, I imagine, did you guys are did you convert to Christianity? Is that what you guys converted into? Okay? So, like when you believe in the Christian narrative, all of a sudden you believe that God really does have a personal interest in all aspects of your life, and he cares about your your sex, he cares about your health, he cares about your relationships. And that's in in a relationship to Him, to God, but also to each other scifically when you bring Jesus into the conversation and how he loved people and how we're supposed to love people like him. So I think that I think that since you've waited, and since your intentions are to get married, I would just keep waiting, even though that's this idea of is he going to be a good fit or not, because having been somebody who didn't wait, Like I had a girlfriend and we weren't awesome on the front end, but you learned a kind of you learn to work with each other and you know, like chemistry build chemistry, like there isn't really a bad fit. And I think and I think that's kind of where you know, you you walk in faith and you say, you know, Lord of really waiting for this person and hopefully your your sex life is blessed. And I think that's a part of being in a healthy marriage is you know, like figuring out what that relationships looks like and and how often do you do it? And and there's something about we live in a world that's very very um it's not it's not that it's confusing. It's confusing if you're a Christian because you're looking around the landscape. You're going like wow, like everything is wide open, but there's this God put stop signs for humans because if you blast through the stop signs and you start speeding, you could just get dangerous. But it's dangerous for your heart, you know what I mean. And so I think if you if you slow down a little bit and you take it how it was meant to be designed, which is it's I believe that sex is like a taste of heaven. I believe it's like it's intensely pleasurable, and God wanted us to be designed that way, you know what I mean, so that we can have this incredible experience while we're here on earth before we die. And then and then you know, if it's between a man and a woman, then you get to make a baby hopefully, and you can start your family. And there's all sorts of things that come out of it. Um when we have sex just out of sheer, you know, for sheer pleasure. I think what you'll find ultimately, regardless of whether or not you ascribe to the Christian narrative, if you're just a person, it's like a drug. We burned through that and before you know it, you need more and more, and you need different, you need and so you kind of like and so it does get a little dangerous. And I think that you know, I don't know. I mean, that's my personal opinion. You called the guy, you called this guy today to ask this guy, so how this man thinks. I think if you honestly waited five years, I also think you should pretty quick. Like I think you guys should go ahead and tie the knot thank you, I did not wait to get married. But also look at like why are you wanting to almost ask yourself the question like why are you considering why do you think now after five years you want to introduce sexity relationship? And is it because you've hit a bump? Is it because you're kind of like you're feeling it straight? And then maybe that's a question you've got to ask yourself, like is he the guy that you're supposed to be with? And then what's beautiful about waiting is if he's not, then the next person comes in. And if you guys are both waited, then you you're still fresh for each other and you're still yah. You know mean, I don't know, I don't know. Should should I still bring it up? To him and say like, hey, I've had these thoughts and maybe it's something we need to look into, not in terms of us having sex, people getting married, but if it's something between us, Yeah, maybe, I mean, I think it's I think it's always important to have a really open dialogue with your significant other. I think that's the best. That's the that's that's you know, a relationship is all about conversation. It's about honest conversation and say like, you know, I've been having this feeling. But I wonder if it's because I'm wanting to like bridge something, or I feel a gap and I'm trying to fill this gap, or I feel you're slipping away, or I'm a little I'm starting to slip away and I need more connected to you, And you know, maybe that's where the heart of it is. And maybe it's not about you know, sex is fun, but it's it's ephemeral. It's quick, and it's done, and it's then you're and then you're still stuck with whatever, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah, thank you so much. You're welcome, Ami, thanks for calling. All right, thank you, Hi, Claire, welcome to the show. Thank you so much. So did you call with a question? I did? All right, what is your question, Clarience, Well, my question is I have been married for ten going on eleven years. Mary is great, thank you. I know, right, I'm pretty I mean, I feel like in today's California it's a huge moms to it's a big deal. Yeah. So, and we are very happy and we have two amazing kids. One is six and one is eight. And I am feeling really frustrated right now because I feel, I feel and I know, I know it's not just a feeling. I know that I am always the disciplinary in My husband always resorts to whatever your mom says, go ask your mom? Did you talk to your mom? And I need him in order for our kids to not see us as good ca bad cop. I need him to be more firm with the kids. But I don't want to make him feel like he's not being a good parent, because he is a good parent. So I would love some advice on how to have that discussion with him without, you know, making it sound like I'm the bad cop and he's the good cop every time? Right, Claire, Yes, you are your your your desire for for equity regarding discipline is justified. Um, what's your husband's name? Is that okay to ask him? Yeah, it's Thomas Thomas, so you'd say, hey, Tom, Like I think, have you had the conversation with him about, Hey, this feels unfair and you make me feel like the bad cop and you get to be the good coup Have you had that conversation yet? I've teetered around it, but the couple of times I've brought it up, I feel like he has been Like I think his reaction is just, oh, you're overreacting. Oh, like that's not true. Like, I think he's kind of in denial. I don't think he really realizes that he does it as much as he does. It's always go ask your mother, what did your mother say? You know, what would your mother think? Whatever your mother says? You know, And I don't. I mean, I notice it. I think more because it's he's you know, it's me. He's deflecting everything onto you. Yeah, okay, So my wife does this wonderful thing where she goes on strike. She's like, Okay, I'm just not gonna if you don't wanna, you know, if you don't value the fact that I do laundry, Like here, you do it for a week and it really drives home the message pretty quick, or I'm like, oh, I really do appreciate this, like this is kind of amazing, or wow, you are really helpful with the kids, or this. So I wonder what would happen if you instead of Okay, so the conversation is hard to have, and if he's not as receptive the conversation, I wonder what would happen if you, for a period of time, deliberately made the decision to just deflect all of it onto Thomas and be like, whatever your father says, you do what your father says, and then all and like trump him in being the good cop. Basically, I love this idea. Yeah, you know, it's not it's not my issue, it's daddy's. Should talk to daddy about it and like let him see what happens when you just dump everything into his lab. You know, this might actually work out well because my mom is coming into town next week, so they'll be like two days where I'm gonna be doing some things with her, and I think I just won't be as available anyway to my kids. So if I kind of couple that with you know, for a few days kind of I like like this, I like this, I like, Hey, Mom's going to be in town. I'm gonna be super busy for the next few days. I really need you to kind of take take over daddy duty with the kids, you know, like I need If you really want my opinion on this, I think you should frontload it with this decision. So like three days before your mom comes into town, I would start to strike and then let the let a crescendo. So when she's there, you're like, maybe I'm with my mom, like I don't know what to do, Like I'm I'm got So he's already feeling it by the time your mom gets there. Oh my gosh, I love me. Thomas is gonna be like you, son of a gun? Why do you give her that advice? Here's what I'm gonna say to you, the Claire Um. I know that relationships are long term investments, and discipline is the most incredible way to show love because we don't get to discipline everybody in our lives. Like there's only a few people that we get to discipline and who will listen to us and chart and change the course of their lives. And that input you're giving into your kids, Like even though it's frustrating and it might feel unfair and I might feel like you're always being the bad cop, it's gonna bond you guys in a way that And truly he's missing out on that experience. And so for him as a man, like I wish I could talk to him, because there's nothing like a father's love and you have to be like a part of that love. The fullness of that love is being able to speak into somebody else's life and say, listen, for your own good, you should stop doing this. But for the respect of the relationship with your mother, you need to stop talking to her like that. Or you've got to stop eating candy because it's gonna hurt your body and your blood sugar and you might get diabetes and sick. Like there's there's he's missing out on a really essential part of being a father. And I, you know, it's crazy you say that, because my dad was very much a disciplinarian and I hated it when I was younger, and I grew to respect him so much, and I have such a close relationship with both my parents. But like, but you know, if my dad wasn't that way, I don't think I would have respected him as much as I do now, So that's a really And also talk to him though too, because maybe, I mean, maybe he has really awful memories of being you know, maybe what you don't know is that his dad had a terrible temper or mom, I'm at a terrible temper when he was really little, and maybe he shell shot that doesn't want to trigger. So maybe he you know, he's guarding your kids from a terrible temper that we don't know about. Like I'm not I'm not I'm not saying that, Thomas. I'm just saying, look at it from every angle and say, why aren't you doing that? Like why aren't you digging in? Because it's it really is a part of parents that you know, being a disciplinarian is a part of the job. And it's it really is, like you know, like I can't imagine, not like I just I like being able to say hey guys and having my kids listen to me because they're not my wife, you know, yeah, not afraid of respect? Right. Should I talk to him before the strike, like try to talk to him and then like pitch the strike idea or say hey, listen, this is this is what I think I really want to do. I think it's going to help us. This is what's up, and kind of do the strike and then after my mom leaves kind of reconvenient, you know, like how is the last week, how are the kids, how are you feeling? I kind of like the strike idea. First it gets a sense of what you really understanding, what you go through, and like what you're dealing with. And then just talk to him and say, can we unpack this together? Like what are you afraid of? Why don't you like to you know? Is it reflective of your childhood? Is it like? And then say you know you're missing out on because it really does. I think like there is something special about being able to speak into somebody's life and correct in the right way, you know, like it's it's a part of it. Absolutely, this is great. I'm actually kind of excited to almost do this experiment and kind of see what happens. I do think when you don't have something, you do learn how much you appreciate it. So I think him not having me as the scapegoat for the week, and I didn't mention, but we have two boys, so I do think it's just so important for him to be present in their lives as the disciplinarian. So I'm all for this. I'll have to I feel like I need to report back and let you know how I was going to stay clear. I gotta find out some some way. Well, we'll figure out. I want to hear how it goes. We'll connect again. Thank you so much. All right, clear booby you guys. This has been Christopher Plah and has been my joy and pleasure guest hosting How Men Think. I hope that I had some reasonably good advice how people have been throwing their phones across the room and disagreement. Um. Please be sure to check out on Lifetime only on Lifetime Buried in Barstow and if you miss it June four, Saturday night, you can always stream it. And then of course you gotta look for Wyatt Hotly and Jurassic World Dominion storming into theaters worldwide June tenth until next time. This is How Men Think? An I Heart Radio London audio production listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This is How Men Thick and I Heard radio podcast. Hi everyone, I'm Christopher Palaha. You may know me from Lifetime, is Buried in Barstow, or Hallmark Christmas Movies, Life, Unexpected, Ringer, North Shore, Wonder Woman, The Upcoming Draftic World Dominion, and I am so happy to be guest hosting How Men Think and answer all your questions and trying to help you understand how men think. But first, this is eleven Questions with Christopher Palaha. Let's get into it. One. What are you known for? Tell us about yourself. Um, I think I'm known for I'm obviously I'm an actor, so I think I'm known for being an actor. But I think more than that, I'm known for being a kind of a family man. I'm married. My wife and I have been married for nineteen years. Going. Uh, actually we're celebrating our nineteenth anniversary this week, and we have three beautiful, healthy boys who are now men basically. Um. But but aside from that producing a family, I've been I've been making TV shows and movies for the past twenty one years. I just got into directing so I can call myself a filmmaker. So that's kind of a bit about myself. Um So who are you in your personal life? Um? Who I am in my personal life is very similar to who I am in my public life. Um. I am pretty patient person. I would have to call myself a kind person. I'm a person who's pretty slow to anger. I don't really lose my cool. Um, I do have different hats that I have to wear. Like as an actor, I I live in a world where, uh, I am a celebrity to some people, and I get, you know, lifted up into the stratosphere of social sort of significance that that my job affords me, but that I don't do anything about personally. So I think in the sense that there's an exterior you know, sort of in the market place life where I'm in the public space and I'm moving about and then I get to just lose all that energy when I'm home with my wife and kids. Um So there's a bit of a dichotomy. There three shows that I'm currently binge watching. All right, my wife and I like to at the end of the day, kids are in bed, homework has done, all the house chores are finished. We get to we get about an hour and a half every night. UM, on a really good day for her, I will rub her feet and we will watch shows. We've Bnged Dope Sick, which is incredible starring Michael Keaton, We Crashed and Half Away and Jared Leto and Drop Out with Amanda Secrety. Those are things that Those are literally the last three shows that we've just been watched. UM alright, Question number four, what is my favorite food? You know what, I used to be fancy about my favorite foods, but I gotta be honest with you. My favorite food is a good old fashioned cheeseburger. I like cheeseburger from shake Shack. I like the cheeseburger from a place called Laurel tavern in the valley. And I was just in France and I asked for cheeseburgers and people made fun of me, and it was the They were the best cheeseburgers I've ever had in my life. Like the meat was so tasty and good. And so I think cheeseburgers to safe bet. Anywhere you go, you get a good one. Number five, tell us about your career. When my career is been really blessed and good. I've had twenty one years of affording my life by only acting. I've only ever been an actor. I've never had to do other jobs to make it, so in that way, it's been really blessed. And I've also been the kind of actor where I can go to the growth True store and shop with my kids and not be bombarded. I've been with some people who, Um, I worked with a guy who was really famous, and everywhere we went, i mean we're talking like the hot We're talking the you know, anywhere we went, like anywhere everywhere, people were like, Hey, you're so and so from that so and so thing. And I asked him when I was like, how does that feel like when you're with your family? And he's like, oh, it's crazy, man. He's like, I'm always kind of having the And I've watched intense scrutiny that that fame brings, and um, I've been saved from that at least all my kids have been young. And so I've had this really cool thing where I've been able to be a father, able to be a husband, able to be a provider, and still have probably one of the best jobs in the world, which is, you know, pretending to be other people and entertaining people and getting to make people laugh and cry. My career has included television and film, and recently, UM, I got into co writing a romance series called Moments Like It's called from ConA with Love. But um their books and the first one which has been published and is out and available right now, it's called Moments Like This. And the second book will be available at Barnes and Nobles and everywhere the books are sold October eleventh. That's called Where's Roses? And we're gonna write three more in the series, so it'll be a total of five books. And these are romance. This is the romance. There's a family saga that all takes place on the Hawaiian Islands, so each book is a different island. And we're turning the first book into a movie. Um yeah, And I just recently got into directing. I did a short film called The Work of Art that was just screened to canned film festivals. So exciting, fun stuff. Um. Number six, what is my biggest fear in life? Oh? What is my biggest fear? Man? It's not it's losing people. It's it's the death of people that I love. That's my biggest fear. And I think the best way to describe that fear for you is that, Um, when I was a boy, I would weep hot tears every time my mom or my dad left, whether they dropped me off at Little League or they bringing home from school and they had to run an errand real quick, I would start to cry because I was terrified and convinced that they were going to die in a terrible carrect and then that was it. And the only way that I was able to overcome that was to say, like, in my mind, visualize, well what next. Okay, so they die and then what happens, and then what happens, and then what happens, and see their death all the way through um to the end. And I think that would be I think my biggest fear. And then the problem with that fear is, unlike the fear of spiders or heights or sharks or inevitably, it's going to come to pass for me on every level. So that's I think it's a it's a constant awareness of that. Um. Okay, number seven, what is my biggest pet peve? My biggest pet peeves probably rude people market, you know, like at the grocery store people who cut you off in traffic. We take some minutes to recalibrate and not get angry. Um. What makes me most happy? My wife and my kids make me most happy just being able to hear them laugh, be around them. You know that's always the best any time with them. What is your idea Saturday morning? Well goes back to number eight. Most happy? Uh, my wife and I'll be sleeping and our kids will just dogpile us and we'll all just be laying in bed in that moment where there's nothing to do and you don't have to get up. There's no there's no school to drive anyone to, no work to do, and it's like a perfect Saturday morning. Number ten, Are you more of the athlete for the armchair quarterback? I'm like more of the athlete. I like to run a lot. I'm very active. I ski. Um Like every time I go to a new city, the best way around it is to job early in the morning. Um. So I think the athlete And then what keeps you elevated? Um? I have a lot of goals that I've set for myself, and I feel like until I can meet those, uh, that keeps me motivated. There's stories that I want to tell. There are things I want to accomplish as an artist. Um, there are things I want to accomplish, you know, financially, and I want to see my kids, you know, go up and grow up and do well. And so those things keep me motivated. Hi, Eli, Hi, how are you? I'm great? How are you doing the day? Very well? Thank you good. Do you have a question about how men think? Well, I'm single, I'm trying to get out there in real life and rather than relate relying on dating apps. Do you think it's strange to me a girl out a loan or a bar? I mean, I think it depends on the bar. I think it depends on the night. I think it depends on the time and night. Um. I think there's a lot of you know, things you got to weigh into that question. But no, I think a bar is a social It's a it's a town. It's a public meeting place. It's where people go to, you know, to have a drink and to talk to other human beings. I think that's what bars were designed for. You know. I'm I'm I'm of a certain age. I'm forty five, and so the whole thing of meeting people online was always in an anthema to me, Like I never thought about using the internet to meet anybody. So there's a whole generation of people where that's the normal, you know, status quote. But it used to be you had to go to church, you meet single people at church. You went to a bar and you single, you know, or you go jogging or any public place. So I don't think it's weird at all. Okay, I just didn't know if that looks kind of tacky. But you know, there's not too many routes unless you're going to go on online dating, which I was trying to avoid. So I appreciate these. Thank you. I mean, I think if you sip, if you sit modestly throughout the course of the evening, you know, if you're like ten drinks in, it might be a little uh might say something about it fair enough? Thank you? Hi, Amy, How are you? I'm doing good? How are you doing great? Thank you? So what's your question? Okay, So my boyfriend and I decided to abstain before marriage, and we've had this agreement for about five years. But lately I've had a change of heart and I'm just wondering if maybe we need to see where a good fit before we get married. So I don't know how to bring this up to him. Wow, Okay, first off, let's unpack the fact that it's been five years. That's a long time. Um, are you guys engaged to be married? Are you gonna get married? Are you? Yeah, we're engaged. We're waiting, So it's we're not going to marry in the next month. You know, we're planning, so right, I mean, my first gut instinct is to say, you've waited this long? You know, there's something like I think. Okay, first off, are you have you abstained? Are both of you virgins? Have you both substained your whole lives? Or were you guys active prior to dating and then made a choice after you started dating to sort of abstain? Like where did the choice for purity come in? Um? So not in my younger, younger years, but um, we both converted and we decided that we were going to abstain. Yeah, I mean, I think it's a really interesting conversation. I think that if you are, like, for example, if you're a Christian and you've made the decision to substain for religious purposes. It's because you're in a relationship with God inasmuch as you in a relationship with this other person and you want God to have you know, you want your relationship to you know, you want to have purity in that, you want to have favor in that you wanted to You want to be doing the things that are that are right according to your faith, and so that you can do things that are right according to the to the faith within that relationship. Um. You know, for example, my wife and I waited. She was a virgin before we got married. I was not um but when I met her, I made the decision to wait with her. UM. And in a weird way, like when you believe in God and when you like, I imagine, did you guys are did you convert to Christianity? Is that what you guys converted into? Okay? So, like when you believe in the Christian narrative, all of a sudden you believe that God really does have a personal interest in all aspects of your life, and he cares about your your sex, he cares about your health, he cares about your relationships. And that's in in a relationship to Him, to God, but also to each other scifically when you bring Jesus into the conversation and how he loved people and how we're supposed to love people like him. So I think that I think that since you've waited, and since your intentions are to get married, I would just keep waiting, even though that's this idea of is he going to be a good fit or not, because having been somebody who didn't wait, Like I had a girlfriend and we weren't awesome on the front end, but you learned a kind of you learn to work with each other and you know, like chemistry build chemistry, like there isn't really a bad fit. And I think and I think that's kind of where you know, you you walk in faith and you say, you know, Lord of really waiting for this person and hopefully your your sex life is blessed. And I think that's a part of being in a healthy marriage is you know, like figuring out what that relationships looks like and and how often do you do it? And and there's something about we live in a world that's very very um it's not it's not that it's confusing. It's confusing if you're a Christian because you're looking around the landscape. You're going like wow, like everything is wide open, but there's this God put stop signs for humans because if you blast through the stop signs and you start speeding, you could just get dangerous. But it's dangerous for your heart, you know what I mean. And so I think if you if you slow down a little bit and you take it how it was meant to be designed, which is it's I believe that sex is like a taste of heaven. I believe it's like it's intensely pleasurable, and God wanted us to be designed that way, you know what I mean, so that we can have this incredible experience while we're here on earth before we die. And then and then you know, if it's between a man and a woman, then you get to make a baby hopefully, and you can start your family. And there's all sorts of things that come out of it. Um when we have sex just out of sheer, you know, for sheer pleasure. I think what you'll find ultimately, regardless of whether or not you ascribe to the Christian narrative, if you're just a person, it's like a drug. We burned through that and before you know it, you need more and more, and you need different, you need and so you kind of like and so it does get a little dangerous. And I think that you know, I don't know. I mean, that's my personal opinion. You called the guy, you called this guy today to ask this guy, so how this man thinks. I think if you honestly waited five years, I also think you should pretty quick. Like I think you guys should go ahead and tie the knot thank you, I did not wait to get married. But also look at like why are you wanting to almost ask yourself the question like why are you considering why do you think now after five years you want to introduce sexity relationship? And is it because you've hit a bump? Is it because you're kind of like you're feeling it straight? And then maybe that's a question you've got to ask yourself, like is he the guy that you're supposed to be with? And then what's beautiful about waiting is if he's not, then the next person comes in. And if you guys are both waited, then you you're still fresh for each other and you're still yah. You know mean, I don't know, I don't know. Should should I still bring it up? To him and say like, hey, I've had these thoughts and maybe it's something we need to look into, not in terms of us having sex, people getting married, but if it's something between us, Yeah, maybe, I mean, I think it's I think it's always important to have a really open dialogue with your significant other. I think that's the best. That's the that's that's you know, a relationship is all about conversation. It's about honest conversation and say like, you know, I've been having this feeling. But I wonder if it's because I'm wanting to like bridge something, or I feel a gap and I'm trying to fill this gap, or I feel you're slipping away, or I'm a little I'm starting to slip away and I need more connected to you, And you know, maybe that's where the heart of it is. And maybe it's not about you know, sex is fun, but it's it's ephemeral. It's quick, and it's done, and it's then you're and then you're still stuck with whatever, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah, thank you so much. You're welcome, Ami, thanks for calling. All right, thank you, Hi, Claire, welcome to the show. Thank you so much. So did you call with a question? I did? All right, what is your question, Clarience, Well, my question is I have been married for ten going on eleven years. Mary is great, thank you. I know, right, I'm pretty I mean, I feel like in today's California it's a huge moms to it's a big deal. Yeah. So, and we are very happy and we have two amazing kids. One is six and one is eight. And I am feeling really frustrated right now because I feel, I feel and I know, I know it's not just a feeling. I know that I am always the disciplinary in My husband always resorts to whatever your mom says, go ask your mom? Did you talk to your mom? And I need him in order for our kids to not see us as good ca bad cop. I need him to be more firm with the kids. But I don't want to make him feel like he's not being a good parent, because he is a good parent. So I would love some advice on how to have that discussion with him without, you know, making it sound like I'm the bad cop and he's the good cop every time? Right, Claire, Yes, you are your your your desire for for equity regarding discipline is justified. Um, what's your husband's name? Is that okay to ask him? Yeah, it's Thomas Thomas, so you'd say, hey, Tom, Like I think, have you had the conversation with him about, Hey, this feels unfair and you make me feel like the bad cop and you get to be the good coup Have you had that conversation yet? I've teetered around it, but the couple of times I've brought it up, I feel like he has been Like I think his reaction is just, oh, you're overreacting. Oh, like that's not true. Like, I think he's kind of in denial. I don't think he really realizes that he does it as much as he does. It's always go ask your mother, what did your mother say? You know, what would your mother think? Whatever your mother says? You know, And I don't. I mean, I notice it. I think more because it's he's you know, it's me. He's deflecting everything onto you. Yeah, okay, So my wife does this wonderful thing where she goes on strike. She's like, Okay, I'm just not gonna if you don't wanna, you know, if you don't value the fact that I do laundry, Like here, you do it for a week and it really drives home the message pretty quick, or I'm like, oh, I really do appreciate this, like this is kind of amazing, or wow, you are really helpful with the kids, or this. So I wonder what would happen if you instead of Okay, so the conversation is hard to have, and if he's not as receptive the conversation, I wonder what would happen if you, for a period of time, deliberately made the decision to just deflect all of it onto Thomas and be like, whatever your father says, you do what your father says, and then all and like trump him in being the good cop. Basically, I love this idea. Yeah, you know, it's not it's not my issue, it's daddy's. Should talk to daddy about it and like let him see what happens when you just dump everything into his lab. You know, this might actually work out well because my mom is coming into town next week, so they'll be like two days where I'm gonna be doing some things with her, and I think I just won't be as available anyway to my kids. So if I kind of couple that with you know, for a few days kind of I like like this, I like this, I like, Hey, Mom's going to be in town. I'm gonna be super busy for the next few days. I really need you to kind of take take over daddy duty with the kids, you know, like I need If you really want my opinion on this, I think you should frontload it with this decision. So like three days before your mom comes into town, I would start to strike and then let the let a crescendo. So when she's there, you're like, maybe I'm with my mom, like I don't know what to do, Like I'm I'm got So he's already feeling it by the time your mom gets there. Oh my gosh, I love me. Thomas is gonna be like you, son of a gun? Why do you give her that advice? Here's what I'm gonna say to you, the Claire Um. I know that relationships are long term investments, and discipline is the most incredible way to show love because we don't get to discipline everybody in our lives. Like there's only a few people that we get to discipline and who will listen to us and chart and change the course of their lives. And that input you're giving into your kids, Like even though it's frustrating and it might feel unfair and I might feel like you're always being the bad cop, it's gonna bond you guys in a way that And truly he's missing out on that experience. And so for him as a man, like I wish I could talk to him, because there's nothing like a father's love and you have to be like a part of that love. The fullness of that love is being able to speak into somebody else's life and say, listen, for your own good, you should stop doing this. But for the respect of the relationship with your mother, you need to stop talking to her like that. Or you've got to stop eating candy because it's gonna hurt your body and your blood sugar and you might get diabetes and sick. Like there's there's he's missing out on a really essential part of being a father. And I, you know, it's crazy you say that, because my dad was very much a disciplinarian and I hated it when I was younger, and I grew to respect him so much, and I have such a close relationship with both my parents. But like, but you know, if my dad wasn't that way, I don't think I would have respected him as much as I do now, So that's a really And also talk to him though too, because maybe, I mean, maybe he has really awful memories of being you know, maybe what you don't know is that his dad had a terrible temper or mom, I'm at a terrible temper when he was really little, and maybe he shell shot that doesn't want to trigger. So maybe he you know, he's guarding your kids from a terrible temper that we don't know about. Like I'm not I'm not I'm not saying that, Thomas. I'm just saying, look at it from every angle and say, why aren't you doing that? Like why aren't you digging in? Because it's it really is a part of parents that you know, being a disciplinarian is a part of the job. And it's it really is, like you know, like I can't imagine, not like I just I like being able to say hey guys and having my kids listen to me because they're not my wife, you know, yeah, not afraid of respect? Right. Should I talk to him before the strike, like try to talk to him and then like pitch the strike idea or say hey, listen, this is this is what I think I really want to do. I think it's going to help us. This is what's up, and kind of do the strike and then after my mom leaves kind of reconvenient, you know, like how is the last week, how are the kids, how are you feeling? I kind of like the strike idea. First it gets a sense of what you really understanding, what you go through, and like what you're dealing with. And then just talk to him and say, can we unpack this together? Like what are you afraid of? Why don't you like to you know? Is it reflective of your childhood? Is it like? And then say you know you're missing out on because it really does. I think like there is something special about being able to speak into somebody's life and correct in the right way, you know, like it's it's a part of it. Absolutely, this is great. I'm actually kind of excited to almost do this experiment and kind of see what happens. I do think when you don't have something, you do learn how much you appreciate it. So I think him not having me as the scapegoat for the week, and I didn't mention, but we have two boys, so I do think it's just so important for him to be present in their lives as the disciplinarian. So I'm all for this. I'll have to I feel like I need to report back and let you know how I was going to stay clear. I gotta find out some some way. Well, we'll figure out. I want to hear how it goes. We'll connect again. Thank you so much. All right, clear booby you guys. This has been Christopher Plah and has been my joy and pleasure guest hosting How Men Think. I hope that I had some reasonably good advice how people have been throwing their phones across the room and disagreement. Um. Please be sure to check out on Lifetime only on Lifetime Buried in Barstow and if you miss it June four, Saturday night, you can always stream it. And then of course you gotta look for Wyatt Hotly and Jurassic World Dominion storming into theaters worldwide June tenth until next time. This is How Men Think? An I Heart Radio London audio production listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.