We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey guys, I am Kevin Crider. I am in Netflix's Bling Empire, also an actor, speaker and activist for UH the a API community, and I actually am now a new found entrepreneur starting up a couple of companies. And I used to model, but no longer modeling anymore. So I'm asked eleven questions about me about Kevin Critterer. I'm guessing this was polled the most popular questions on the internet and it is number one. What are you known for? So tell us by yourself. Man, I feel like I'm on a date right now. But one am I known for? We'll see one of Bling Empire. I'm known for taking my shirt off a lot. I'm kind of like the guy who gets wild and does that. But really, in real life, I'm actually known for doing talks about UH my life as an Asian America model and bringing the Baboo ceiling and just talking about things in the Asian community that is relevant, like media, masculinity and just what's going on in the world. Um, who are you in your personal life? Oh? How personal do you want to get is the question. Um. In my personal life, I'm actually somebody in recovery. Um. I'm an antwelve step program. I've been sober for over six years. I'm actually somebody who likes to I guess this isn't personal, but I like to go out and mingle with people. UM. I like to go to restaurants. I like to cook a lot. Actually, in season two of bling Um Fire, I'm actually cooking for one of my dates. And that's what I like to do. I like to cook a lot of Italian food. I used to want to be Italian when I was a little kid, so I like Italian food and Italian things, Italian movies, stuff like that. Um, and I actually, you like to go to bed really early. A lot of people usually make fun of me when I go out to events and stuff because I go to bed by ten, so they know it's a really fun time. If I stay out till like eleven PM, and they're like, oh my god, this must be a good time. Yeah, or like ten o'clock rolls around, they know I'm going to bed Because I like to get up at like six six thirty and just start my day and meditate and journal and do some fun things until the sun rises and then I start my day and then UM Number three is three shows that I'm binge watching Besides blaying Empire, I would say that three shows that I have been watching, UM is The Circle, um, Ozark, and The Stranger Things is coming out or it's out now. Also, I'm gonna start watching that as well. My favorite food Okay, this is a two part question for my favorite food. If I could eat the same thing for good day, it would be sushi. I mean, I used to hate sushi growing up, but I love it now. UM. And the other flip side is if sushi wasn't so expensive realistically, I would probably have like breakfast foods like omelets and pancakes every single day. That's I think something I would love. That's my favorite food. UM Number five is tell us about your career. I came from an actual personal training and business mindset. When I was in college, I used to run my own personal training services. I became a professional bodybuilder, natural bodybuilder. I became a fitness model. I started to do modeling and then I've got an interest in acting back in two thousand nine. I've been pursuing it ever since. And then um, right now, really what I'm doing is I'm going back into acting. I just booked my first feature in a movie called Asian Persuasion, and it's my first feature that I've ever been in, and I'm like super excited to do more of those things, do more leading male roles that portray Asian Americans such as myself in these movies as romantic leads. And I've also started, uh my career in the beverage industry. I'm having a company um release its first beverage in probably August or September this year, and it's a drink that is a sober drink. It's a non alcoholic premium replacements and a mixer called Sans and be hitting some of the bars and restaurants here in California. Big move because obviously, you know, I've never actually started up something and put so much time and investment and money into it and just, uh, it's such a wild journey starting up your own company. And I think a lot of people think, you know, oh, you're just the model who likes to take your shirt off, Like, yeah, sure, I'd like to do that, but I'd like to do this kind of stuff too. Um what's my biggest fear in life? Okay, my biggest fear when I was growing up, like I was like eight years old, was dying. I mean I was only eight and I was afraid of dying already. I look behind like I look on a label and be like, oh my god, that's so much sodium, too much patent, and I can't eat it. I'd be like such a freak in that sense. But then now I think my biggest fear in life it's actually not trying to do the things that I've always wanted to do that I dreamt about doing. UM. One of its acting. So, like I said, I started acting twelve years ago, and five years ago I really quit because I was like, man, it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen for me. And then UM moved to California, I don't bling empire, got asked to do a role, and now it seems like the doors are opening up for me again. And so that kind of thing is what I'm afraid of, is not trying and pursuing the things that I care about a lot or dreamt about doing them. And I was younger, same thing with starting my own business. UM, comic books. I'm starting up a comic book series with web Tunes. It's an online comic book illustrator. And something that people that know about me when I was younger is that I actually wanted to be a combook artist when I was five or six years old. But then I've found out very quickly accept that drawing, which doesn't lead to a very good combook career if you suck a drawing. So now that I'm actually created and helping to produce a web tune series is like super exciting, you know, in the very early development stages that but it's super cool. And so those things that I'd be afraid of doing, Like it's not like I have a fear of skydiving or I have a fear of like commitment or things like that. It's like kind of like personal stuff that I've always wanted to achieve. What's my biggest pet peef Oh my god, Okay, my biggest pet peeve is being late. And I was two minutes late to do this I Heart radio thing today, and that to me just eats me up right like it was a zoom thing. It's like, how come you gonna be early? Yeah? Well, you know, life happens a little bit. But I hate when people are late. And I think here in Los Angeles, Los Angeles, uh, fifteen minutes is considered on time still, so in Los Angeles time, I'm still on time East Coast two minutes late, like, don't even show up. That was my mentality back then. But I hate being late to things. I hate people when they're late to things too. Um. And that's just my pet peeve. What makes me most happy people being on time for things. Now, that's that's not true. That doesn't make me happy though, But what makes me the most happy is actually working and dealing with people with integrity and honesty. Um. You know. I I find that when people say they're going to do stuff, they do it and um and are honest about things. And that's kind of what it makes me happy because I feel like if we just do those two things in the world, we could actually be in a better place, right, Like, just let's be honest with each other, let's do and and do the things that we say we're gonna do and do it well, which would be great, um, and then I think the world will just be a better place for that. So that's what I'd like to make me happy. We're most happy. Um, what is my deal Saturday morning? My deal Saturday morning is to get up, probably around like seven o'clock. I'll meditate, hit my knees, and pray journal for dirty minutes. I'll work out right afterwards, get a cup of coffee, um, sitting on a roof deck and watch the sunrise a little bit, hopefully with a lucky someone. UM, get like a great email that says like, hey, you got like a ten thousand or twenty tho dollar deal. That'd be amazing, right that that hasn't really happened yet. It so, I guess that's not my ideal. I haven't been doing my ideals Saturdays. Uh. And also going out and just having like a meal old friends or a coffee. You just meet up with people, go to bed by like ten o'clock, cut all both on someone on the couch and making making meal, watch the sunrise, my sunset at that time. I'd be awesome. Uh, talk to my family and yeah, that's about it. It used to be doing yoga too, but then I realized I don't like doing yoga that much anymore. That's just me. Um. Number ten, are you more of the athlete or the armchair quarter. I'm definitely more of the athlete. I grew up with athletics since I was probably like four years old, like skiing, snowboarding, playing tennis, baseball. I mean, I love movement and athletics. I don't think I could ever be a couch potato unless like, um, i'll problems happen or something number eleven. What keeps me motivated? I think what keeps me motivated is just the idea of growth and wanted to be better. Um, you know, I have a lot of dreams and aspirations, and being thirty eight years old, I haven't been able to do much of it actually until recently, in the last like two to three years. And now I see that I have an opportunity to achieve those dreams, or at least give my all out effort to achieve them. And um, that keeps you motivated. Because I think the idea idea of not trying, keeps me motivated. If that makes sense, Yes, that keeps me motivated. The fact that I can't look at myself with self esteem every day if I didn't try, you know, I think, um, having good self esteem is just doing the things you say you're going to do and doing it the best, but at the same time, if I can't do it and I failed, then it's like I think for me is to be able to acmount and then and be like, you know what, what did I learn that I've done better? Maybe not? If I couldn't have done better, then you move on. Just wasn't it to be? Um? And so that keeps you motivated and really messages that people just telling me how this stuff I do in you know, reality TV movies content, even this message of sobriety, uh, wanting to pave the way for Asian men in Hollywood especially. I think that keeps me motivated for sure. I did. When I get comments like that or messages um, it is reassuring, even though I know I shouldn't probably listen to it too much because you know, I don't want that to be the main reason why I do things because it's always been in my mind to do that, but it's it does keep me a little bit more motivated and keeping me on the path when I when I get comments like that. So that is eleven questions with Kevin Crider, that's me him. Now I'm going to take a little bit of a commercial break and we'll be back to answer. Well, I'll be back to answer more live questions. Everyone, Welcome back. I am your host today, Kevin Crider. Thanks for coming back and tuning in, and we are now going to take the first question from a live caller. Hi, a real you are my official first caller ever? Really? Yeah, very cool. Um. So I'm in this friends with benefits situation and it's really fun. But he keeps saying I love you like a lot, yeah, and I don't. Yeah, I guess I just don't know how to take it, Like I don't all he's saying I love you because we've been friends for so long, or like I love you we want like maybe someday I'll love you forever, you know what I mean? Like, um, and yeah, like I I've brought it up, and sometimes it feels like he's more than a friend. And he then says he can't commit. So I'm just wondering, like, is this just something that guy's say frivolously, you know what I mean? Like that a common thing. So here's the thing that I've learned through my experience of this. Uh, Firstly, it sounds like you're not sure if you love him back, he's giving me mixed signals. Friends with benefits. It started off like that. You start to grow feelings for people, but he doesn't want to commit. That is somebody who is just basically saying I can't commit and he might have feelings for you that I don't doubt, but probably won't be with you. And if uh, I would say because that look when you know, and especially when guys know, we know. I think too many people guys and girls use this phrase of like I can't commit, but I really care. It's kind of like stringing you along to see if it kind of like turns into something better or somebody else comes up better. Like I'm sure he still likes you, he wants to stay friends with you, But at the same time, if he can't commit, then I would say he really isn't in his mind really looking at you as a serious prospect. Um. You guys started off as friends now friends with benefits across that line, and I will say from my own experience, it's hard to go back once you cross that line. So um, you might have to be okay with losing a friend. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, if he can't commit and he says he doesn't want to commit, then believe him totally. Yeah, totally fine, honestly, like fine with me. Anyways, thank you, welcome, I Rebecca, Hi, how are you? I'm fantastic are here? You have a question? Um? Yeah, I have opinions, but they're not scientific answers. Well, let's hope they can help. Um. So basically, um, obviously, like everybody the world, I'm on the dating apps and I am just getting more and more frustrated because I've had conversations with guys but nobody ever follows through for an in person meet up, you know, like they don't like it's this is where like the rubber meets the road, and you know, I'm trying not to take the rains so they can ask, but it just seems like it's going nowhere. And I'm seeing faith in apps altogether. So should I stay or should I ask more often for an in person date? Well? Okay, so where are you located? First of all, I'm in New York City? Okay? Um? And what I should say this? You asked, just to clarify, you asked the guys to meet up and none of them want to follow up? Is that? What that is no, they just don't ask to fall like, so we'll will be engaged in like chats and really great back and forth and and this is this happens with all the guys, all of them, and nobody ever then takes it to the next step to say, hey, why don't we meet up now? So you kind of just like messaging air time like there's dead air and then nothing happens. Right, Yeah, we have a great, great talks and nobody wants to take the next step. They're too cowardly, I guess. I don't know. I don't know if it's the being coward or they're too busy, or I'm glad you called yourself a coward as well, because that's kind of what's happening. Oh no, I'm not calling myself account. I'm calling the guys a coward because they're not taking they're not taking the bold step to like say you know, and then if I do it, then they just look like, oh, I'm being a preshy female. And so it's just like do they say that or is that your assumption of that? That's my assumption of it, Like I and that's like I think they're being coward's by not saying, hey, let's just meet up for a cup of coffee. Let's just see where this goes. Like they're chickening out right, so sounds judgmental, right, Like, here's the thing. If I were on the other end, I wouldn't want a date or somebody. You think I'm a coward right away, So that's probably saying you sometime right, these people aren't who you want to want to be, Like you already labeled them as something which is already not a good step. And secondly, I always tell my female friends this, and I know it's hard, right, Like its structurally and society an were mindset to do courting and dating a certain way. I'll tell you what the best dates I've ever had, and the girls that I've actually been with the longest they actually asked me out first, and I've asked out many goals before. So I would just say be bold if you're really interested in them. Firstly, I would say try not to think of them as cowards right away. They could be busy people. They could have many options, right like I'm sure you have many options to um and also to just say hey, I'd love to meet up to coffee. Continue this conversation or something right, like set up something small. But Kevin, I don't think they have cowards right away. I'm thinking that we're having we have these great conversations and then they're not doing anything. So eventually I think of them as cowards. And it's not like it's a judgment thing, but it's just like, well, b B, you know, be a little bit more than to be something that there maybe not. So think of it as like something that you're screening for yourself, right. You want someone to be a certain way you have in your mind a certain outcome That could also be hurting you in the dating apps too, because like, look, if you give up controlling things right, things happen for you a little bit more smoother, or if they don't, at least you didn't like put too much emotional energy into it. Um. I have a question though, like what what's wrong with them? Are you afraid to go out outside the apps and just do it in real life or what's holding me back? I guess well, no, I mean I just I mean obviously the past two years not very you know, the bars aren't being flooded with prospects, so you know you're going for bars you're going to bars to find guys. Know I'm being I'm being I'm not talking literally, but like, you know, I'm not really going to bars a man, But it's just been hard to meet people out and about. So I what I say is like, I don't think it's really so hard. Maybe like you just have to put yourself in situations to actually meet people. Like I don't go to bars and bars that much, right, Like I go to restaurants sometimes, go to events, but you know, you do things outside. Um, I'm sure you could find place to meet people, maybe just looking at the wrong places, right Like normally I go to museums. It's just the numbers are just very different. The prospects are very different then they were pre pandemic, and so like, you know, yes, I would love if I was at like a you know, like an under forty mixer at MoMA, and of course, but they're not. These events aren't taking place in the same ways they were pre pandemic. So that's why. And I you know, it's just very different times now. But I mean, like his, um, you asked me questions, give you some answers. Rights, take the reins, Okay, I'll take the reins on app Hi Alison, Hi, how are you. I'm fantastic. I hear you have a question. I do, I do, Okay, thank you so much. First of all, I really appreciate it. UM. So So I've been with my boyfriend for UM just about a year, just coming out a year, and I love him, Thank thank you. UM. And it's a great relationship and it's going really really well. UM. But our communications style and the way that we argue, the argument and communication style is very different. UM. And this comes up a lot when especially UM in finance things and UM in other general cases, but most most recently a lot of finance, but just in general, the way that we communicate and and the argument style, it's just very different. And UM. And through the relationship, I've kind of worked on it, and I've changed the way that I approach how we're different to him. So I've changed how how I approach our differences UM, and I've asked him to do the same to kind of amend his style of communication with me. When when we do have UM differences, that communication style is that's different. Yeah. I feel like most recently it's been coming up and as I said in finance situations. Um, I work. I work in marketing and he works in real estate and we both do really well and um and so, but he grew up very frugal and um, and I kind of feel like if, um, you know, if we're going on vacation or something to enjoy it and and kind of thing and um and so so UM, I've approached it more like, you know, we're a team, and so let's compromise and figure out ways that we can both be happy and not stretch our limits and the kind of way and and he gets very if it's outside of his comfort zone and something he doesn't want to do, whole kind of express that I don't want to do this and then whole kind of shut down. And and I've been very amenable to kind of, you know, go my extra mile to make him feel you know, okay, I hear you that this is not something that you know that you're that you want, are willing to do or to stretch for you. And so a lot of the time I'll just kind of you know, act we ask to to, you know, in certain ways, just to to make him more comfortable. UM. And but I like to discuss also about why you know, in these circumstances of why it would be nice to do these things and not all the time, but sometimes anyway, but he there it gets very uncomfortable for him, and so so we'll argue or communicate is kind of um, just say how he feels, and then he'll listen to me. But he kind of never budges. And so question then, Alison, who who How do you guys work out finances? Is that as a joint is that every other? Right? So, in the last few months we've been together, it's really coming to year just done next week. Um, we've really started to to actually join it together, um in the last few months, and I think that that's been UM. I feel like it's it's really a big step for our relationship. UM and um. And but it's also kind of uh, I just we kind of spend money differently in that way, so it's it's hard to kind of get to that that you know, humpy middle ground. But um, but it's just so what I hear is you have a joint account, all the finances go in there, but he you know, you obviously have to talk about how you're going to spend it, and he doesn't want to budge, even though there is money in that joint account, is what I'm kind of hearing, right, Yeah. Yeah, And and for me it's um. Ultimately, it's not about whether or not we're spending that spending the money. It's kind of I think that the way that he approaches it the way that you know, I like to compromise I and and talk it through and just figure out how we could both be happy. And often he'll you know, he'll express his view and then listen to me, but then he'll just shut down if it's not going his way. And so the big question I have is um. And again, I've tried to ask him to change the way that he approaches our differences. But my question is if someone is kind of stuck in the way that they argue or the way that they communicate, is it too late, um, to to ask for a change in their communication style. Yeah, just leave them now, I'm kidding. Next, No, I'm kidding. Look, it's it's you guys have been together for a year. You're gonna really really know each other more now, Um, communication style is important. At least you guys are communicating firstly, Okay, you know, he's uncomfortable with things. What I find is maybe hard for this and this is hard to hear, is are you trying to change him? And does he feel like he is being asked to change when he doesn't want to, because that can be hard, right, Because here's the thing. Unconditional love means accept them for who they are. Right. Uh, do you want to unconditionally love him? Or you want to conditionally love him? And that's so you know this about him? You kind of like are finding out this about him? Are you expecting him to change? Or just because you change, it's now like a transactional thing, so he should change, like talk to me here. Oh yeah, no, I just I think that my view of I think he's wonderful and I and I as a person, I would never want him to change. That's why I love him. Um. I just think that even if we have differences, that part of being in a relationship could could ultimately be that both people, both people compromise and not just one or or it shouldn't be one person every single time. And so you feel like you compromise more right than he right? Right, So so it's the communication. And so I've been asking him in in in hour, um in these moments, I kind of just asked him to communicate with me differently, or can you try a different approach, and and these kinds of things just because Um, as I said, he kind of. I mean, I guess it's really it's just how he feels. But he does shut down if we if it will express how he feels about it, and he'll he'll definitely he's listening to me, he's listening to what I say how I feel. But then ultimately, if it continues to get talked about, he'll he'll just stress an opinion more and then just shut down. And so yeah, so maybe that's something something. Uh, you're in a really difficult situation. I get it. You want to budge, you want to go on vacation. You guys see money differently. Um, Look, unfortunately money hurts relationships, right, conversations like that. I find I hate the fact that it does. It's probably one of my number one resentments in the world. Actually I love it. Everybody likes to think and I am still true believer that love will conquer that. But it's like, you know, I've seen it. I've seen money destroyed relationships. I've seen Uh, it's hurt relationships. I've seen other people more money be able to manipulate relationships, right, and all that kind of stuff. We've seen it all. Um, when it comes to money, you, I think the fact that you guys are even talking about it and only a year in strong, um, I think maybe a way to look at this is to see the progress in your relationship. Yes, it's not perfect yet, he's not doing exactly what you want. It's one year. Like I think in the mindset of looking long term in your relationship that you're this is a forever type of person. You know, you admit it. You guys can work this out, and maybe it's some type of compromise with you guys were like, you know, you guys have this joint account and then you have a separate account for your own fun money. And then maybe if you have another fun money account where you're like, you know what, maybe I got plenty of money in this fun account. I'm doing this and it's really yours anyway, like all of yours, right, Just it's just the allusion to him. It's like it's like kind of not an illusion. It's uh framing the account differently to make it look like you have more than you guys really have, like this is the fun stuff, right, Like that's a that's a compromise, and then be like, oh, okay, like I love that. That's a really great idea. That would definitely I feel like that would be a lot less stressed to just to frame it that way. So I'm gonna try that. That's actually really great. Yeah. I know for me as a boyfriend, if I saw that, I'd be like, oh yeah, like I already know what it is. But it's like, oh, you know, this is thought out. It makes sense. We have plenty in our joint and this like and you have this your own account and then you spend it the way you want to on a vacation or whatever. It's like, okay, cool, you know you're being and then um, yeah, definitely, but I think that's a really great idea. Cool. Glad I could help. Thank you, thanks so much. Welcome. Hi, Hello, Kevin him. I'm really glad to get to talk to you today. Yes, so I started a new job recently in a new city. Thank you. Thanks. Um Los Angeles my hometown, the town both for both of us. M Yeah, I so I started this new job and you know, I haven't met a lot of people, new people yet being here. Um, and so as you can imagine, like I'm always saying yes to anything I get invited to so that there's like a chance of meeting new people and connecting because it's a new city and all that. So, um, a male coworker just asked me to dinner and I said yes and was immediately hoping he'd invite other people. But as soon as I said yes, he said, great, it's a date, and um, like Kevin, I like, I think he's cute, but it's a new job and a new city. And I guess I'm just worried personally that like my other coworkers will make assumptions about me going on a date with a coworker so quickly. So I'm just wondering, like do I tell him beforehand? I don't want it to be a date, but I just want to hang out, Like I don't know how to go about talking to about this. Welcome to l A. This happens a lot. And to be real, as a guy who would do something like that, uh, let's just say, like I did that right. I would appreciate from your candle that like you told him what you told me, and I would totally be it gives me a choice then right to be like, Okay, I'm going to treat this as a friend thing. It's not a date, and I'll behave accordingly. Or if you lead them on too thinking it's a date, and then things happen, which is in firstly, I'm going to feel like, oh my god, like am I wrong? Like what happened? You know what I'm saying, it's it's it's it's it's I'm only going to act based off of the information that I have, which is, oh, I said it's a date, You're still here. It must be a date, you know. Um, when you look at it that way, you might be able to be able to break the news to him in like a very like empathetic way, you know, like be like, hey, look, I'm really excited. I know you have good intentions with this. I don't think it's the appropriate time right now. I do think you're cute. I just really you know what I mean, Like it's cool, right and and and then be like, you know, just I'm not trying to lead you on. That's why conversation and I'm telling you I think he'll have such a great response to that, because I'd be like, you know what, look, maybe you knew I love to bring other people on board. You know, like, what do you if he's a good dude, he's what I'm saying, if he even if he doesn't do that, and he's like, you know what, all right, you know I'm really actually looking to date, Like, uh, let's just alter plans, don't take up personally, you know, like you guys each other a lot of time, so either way, only good stuff can happen from the conversation. But yeah, no, that's super helpful, Kevin, because I think, like I mean, honestly, as you're talking, I'm like, right, communication is always best. But are we hate we hate confrontation of like breaking the news to someone, right. Trust me, It's easy for me to say this, but I've had many tough conversations that I've delayed, but I've had to have them. And you know, when you come from the place of like not wanting to hurt the other person too, that's a great place from you. It sounds like you don't and you don't want to mislead them. It won't come across like anything that you come from that place. Well, also, Kevin, what you just said is super helpful. That like the way you phrased it, It's like it keeps the door open, Like I like, you know, because he is cute and I wouldn't be opposed down the line to going on a date. But like, I'm very conscious in this moment of not yeah giving my coworkers the wrong impression as I established myself welcome, and I'm sure you will need much help down the line. I'll be calling you back, Kevin. First year is the toughest I'm telling you here. Oh man, well, thank you, and I really appreciate your help definitely. By Kendall Bike by Kevin. Thanks. Look, Hi, Hi, how's it going on? Good? How are you? I'm great? You must have a burning question to ask if you're on this I do, yes, all right. So I'm just wondering I need advice. Uh So, like when the first date goes well and things start, you know, heating up at the end of the night, and you're like into it, but there's a part of you that wants to kind of just slow it down. Um, Like, is there a good way to let your date know gently and like without offending them, Like, Hey, I'm enjoying this, but like, let's wait a little longer, you know, I mean just put your hand and now I'm kidding and don't do that. Uh yeah, that's that's an awkward position. Um. Look, I've never been on the other end where uh someone was moving too fast and I just slowed them down. So please like understand like where this advice is coming from. It's not from experience, Okay, I know from a guy when I've tried to move things a little bit faster to and you slow down. Um. And if I really actually saw something with you, then I would slow down and I would honor that. Um. If I didn't want anything more than just to like, you know, that night, uh, you know, it might be a different conversation. Okay, you know, and just move on right. UM. So the next question for you to ask is do you actually like this guy would slow down or do you just not want to have that perception of like, oh I sleep people on the first date, so I shouldn't do this. Um talk to me about that. Well, yeah, I mean it's not so much that I just I do I do kind of like the guy, like I would like to see him again. Um, but I'm just not sure, like if I'm ready for that with him yet, I just wanna you know what I mean, Like, I just want to wait. I'm not really someone who like sleeps with a lot of people, so I just want to make sure we actually like get along, you know. Yeah, sure, So okay, that's that's valid what you're saying that. Um, I would probably just communicate that with him and just tell him. I mean, it sounds like this already happened, but you're kind of preparing is for the next time, correct you see this guy? Yeah? Yeah, I'd be like, hey, look, I like you think you're cute, Like I see this. Excuse me, I might see this going a little bit further than just uh physical, and I'd like to actually get to know a little bit more before we get physical. I'm just a little uncomfortable moving at that pace. That's all. When you when somebody just expresses that they might be a little uncomfortable with something that paced, like you know, an pole wouldn't honor that, And somebody who is a good person for you would honor that and just be like, yeah, okay, you know that's my pace, Like here them now, and then be like Okay, that's great. Now that I know where you're coming from, I know you know where I'm coming from. Uh, let's just see if we can play along in this date together still and and dating room, and then you'll find out each other's paces, find each other's preferences, and if it doesn't match, then there's it doesn't match. Move on. Yeah, that's that's a good way to put it. Like pacing. You know, I'm a very fast paced person when it comes to like wanting to be with someone, right, Um, you know physical obviously, I think a lot of guys are more than initiatives. Right, That's what I was gonna say. It's usually a lot of from my experience, girls need to slow things down. So it's always the pace is different. But it's almost like dancing, right, like, uh, somebody might lead too fast. You just kind of gonna slow down a little bit. Somebody might lead too slow. You're trying to paste them up a little bit faster. Like probably won't go exactly the timing you want, but it will at least go at a more comfortable pace for yourself. Mm hmm. Thank you. Yeah, that's that's thank you. Yeah, that's good advice. Thanks for jumping on. Kylie. Yeah, thanks, all right, that is we got for our callers. We're gonna take a break and then we're gonna come back for some Q and a welcome back everybody. I'm Kevin Crider, I'm your host, and now is the time for Q and a first one. Kevin, we know you from Bling Empire. How has your life changed in the past two years? Man, My life has changed so much in the last two years. I've upgraded to a new bedroom, one bedroom, the first time I've ever had a one bedroom in my life. Uh, there's a little bit more pressures to that obviously, like it's a big overhead. I'm actually in the process of possibly moving to another place if things don't change up a little bit, just to keep them a little bit more financially feasible for myself. Things that are changed, I don't skateboard around as much, do a little bit more ubering, or I'll take public transportation, um to get two places I need to my my social friends have changed quite a bit, Like you know, came out during the pandemic and now there's just so many people like events and wonderful peers that I get to meet and associate with. And two Uh, maybe even have collaborations and conversations with and just being the presence of and some of these people like I grew up with watching and you know, using some of these business owners platforms, right like I mean serious business owners like the founders of dating apps or beverages like all this stuff. It's wild to me. Um. So I'm just getting used to actually being in the public eye and just being around people like that. Um. And now I know that people have some questions about me getting flirty with Kim Lee and with the status is now Um, we are friends and we've come back to just being friends right now. Um. Yes, there was a physical thing but obviously kind of got um messed up with some influence of friends and circumstances and a pop like opinions from other people. But um, it's harder to go back as friends because I feel like there's more boundaries now, Like I think we need some time to kind of just forget and forgive about all those things that happen, um, and maybe even go our separate ways a little bit. But yes, it was, um not the best experience I've had. Uh. And then how do I navigate from friends to boyfriend? The girlfriend I haven't done it yet, so I'm not too sure if I can qualiply for this question. I would say one thing is to not tell your friends squat. Don't tell them anything about what's going on with your other friend. Keep it very separate, and try to keep it to yourself you're in the relationship because once you get friends in, they all have opinions, they all have dirt on you gets lost in translation, facts get thrown out or that that facts get diluted and change. So like, really, it's just best if you keep relationship about YouTube, keep people out of it. Um Am I looking to settle down anytime soon? Where are you looking for a relationship. I'm absolutely going to settle down. I know a lot of people don't believe that, but I hope as more and more blank Empire shown, um and the more I'm in the public eye and doing career stuff that people can see, like, I'm really taking this a lot more seriously. Like you know, everybody kind of graduates from the party person to become a more serious and I've I've definitely hit that because you know, I've dated around enough, I've had my fun. I know what I want and I want something with someone that I can grow with and share share everything with the ups and downs, right, share the struggle, share the victories, share the success, share the everything. So I'd love to be able to find someone to do that with. And then what makes men ready to commit to a relationship or marriage. You can't really force men to be in the mindset and be ready. Some men need to get it out of their systems. Some men just want something right away. I mean, I remember when I was in college, like the first girl I wanted, that first girl I wanted to date. That it was I thought I could turn into something serious. Never did turn anything serious. I saw a marriage and I was like, yeah, I don't want to be around other people, um, other than this person. Like I don't know what I mean by It's like, I don't. I didn't intentionally want to be somebody who dates a lot of people or anything. I didn't. I was like, I just want to be a one person person forever. And that obviously didn't happen. That girl broke my heart and here I am now, So you know, back then I was ready. So it just depends where you are in life. Now I look back and I'm collat it. I wasn't with that person. But to make basically answer your question, what makes the person ready as time? It's very vague, but like it just takes time, you know, thirty eight years old now, Like I'm ready, you know, like I'm not in the most perfect financial situation in my career, but I'm ready. You know. I've experienced enough. I know what I don't like, i know what I want more of, and I'm at that point where I'm not looking for perfect relationship anymore. I'm not looking for that person to be perfect. I just would like someone to you know, who fits me well, likes values, all that kind of stuff. Appearances like I have like an attractive girlfriend as well. Um, I mean that's just a given that you're attracted to someone. But um, somebody who's kind, somebody who's uh giving as well, and somebody who gives their time as well to me. Um, that'd be great. All right. How do you tell if a guy is interested in you? You can tell if a guy's interested in you, because this can be tricked you Sometimes I'm shy, I don't believe it or not, and I won't actually be talkative or trying to joke around with you. Um, it's really in the you can really see in the eyicontact, uh and the feeling if you're intuitive enough and you're in touch with that to see if a guy's interested, and you'll feel it. Um. And because sometimes like I'm overly nice and people think I'm interested, but I'm not. It's just you know, that's how I am, because I feel super comfortable, like I'm not that attracted to you. I mean sometimes right, and then sometimes I'm just like super shy, Like I'll be like yeah, and I'm just like listening and I'm just really into it. You'll see, you know, um, You'll just feel it out. And that's kind of how it goes. If you you can't tell at all, probably not interested. And if you don't have that feeling either, probably not interested in you. All right, everybody, that wraps it up for how men think? I was your host for today, Kevin Crieterer. You can find me on Netflix's Bling Empire season two was out now. It was ranking top ten and the TV section. Um. You can find me on Instagram and TikTok Kevin Crider k R E I D E R. And you can also find what I'm up to on those links as well with my Macha That's out and my non alcoholic beverages that are launching later this summer so you can find me there. Feel free to d M me with more questions. I'd love to answer it on my social media as well. This is How Men Think and I Heart Radio London Audio Production listen each Thursday on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts