Episode Summary: 

In this episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, Rhonda Stoppe shares her Sacred Scar Story of finding hope in the midst of postpartum depression and hormonal imbalance. What began as a season of silent suffering—marked by deep shame, emotional exhaustion, and the sense that no one understood—eventually led her to the help she desperately needed. Now, Rhonda offers encouragement and truth to women facing similar struggles, reminding them they’re not alone and that healing begins when we bring our pain into the light.

 

Quotables from the episode:

 
Living in that one-bedroom house, without electricity, with three children I was so overwhelmed. It wasn’t depression exactly, but I was completely overwhelmed.
I was lying in my kids’ bunkbed with the door closing, weeping, when my husband came home and found me like that.
He asked what was wrong with me, and I didn’t know. It was just too hard. It was a very dark season for me. I didn’t know that it was post-partum depression—I just knew I was frail, and I was fragile.
Slowly, that post-partum turned into PMS/PMD.
I remember not being the mom I wanted to be. Two weeks out of the month I wasn’t myself, and then two weeks out of the month I was myself.
We lived behind a locked gate on a ranch, so I could hide. So whenever I wasn’t myself, and I couldn’t live my life “out there,” I just stayed home within the locked gate.
Imagine if you’re a werewolf, and imagine if every full moon, you were going to turn into a werewolf and you couldn’t stop it, you couldn’t stop that werewolf from taking over your body, and the only hope you had was if someone would lock you in a cage until the full moon passed so you didn’t eat your young. That is what my experience was like with PMS.
Before I experienced it, I had said to my mom and to my sister who struggled with it, “Oh come on, you’re just using that as an excuse to hurt people with your words.” Now, I knew enough to not hurt people with my words. Instead, I would pull back. During those times the only fruit of the spirit that I seemed to have was self-control, and I could keep hurtful words from coming out of my mouth that I couldn’t take back.
I told my husband that the best way he could help me was to let me pull away in my bedroom, while he played with the kids, and let me just get through it. I would be in my room with my Bible open in my lap, reading, praying and asking God to help me.
I felt so ashamed because I knew the Lord and I had the Holy Spirit in me. What happens with a hormonal imbalance is a real medical condition that occurs and can play itself out in a way that you can be very sinful in how you let yourself respond to it.
I felt shame, I felt alone, I felt lonely, I felt like no one else was going through what I was going through. I think it’s silent suffering that we often go through as Christian women because it feels so shameful when we have the Holy Spirit but we don’t know why we cannot get a handle on this.
What makes it so hard is that we are so ashamed about it, so we don’t want to talk about it because we don’t know anyone else who is going through it so we think we are alone, so then the message we hear is “what’s wrong with ME?” That just brings on more guilt, shame, remorse, regret, fear, and isolation. The isolation is about the worse thing we can do.
We need to talk about it so that people know they’re not alone.
The enemy convinced me I was all alone, nobody understands, and I was going to have to figure this all out on my own.
I ultimately found help when I went to an endocrinologist who specialized in hormonal disorders. She gave me medication that balanced out my hormonal levels throughout the month.
My sacred scars came out of this experience because now I can comfort others with what has comforted me. Whenever I share my story, women are desperate to talk to me because they feel so alone and don’t think anyone can understand the struggle, and for some, it’s ruining their marriages.
The whole essence of the book Sacred Scars is that God didn’t cause our pain and suffering, but He will use it for good.
Even now, my husband, Steve, who is a pastor, can help other men whose wives are going through it, because Steve went through it with me and can understand.
Initially, in my pride, I didn’t want others to know about my frailty, but if God can use my frailty to help someone else, who am I to not let Him use my sacred scars to help someone else who’s desperate to know they aren’t alone.
Don’t try to find someone to blame for how you’re feeling right now. Recognize what is going on in your body. It’s no one’s fault; you don’t have to find someone to blame for why you’re sad or why you’re mad or why you’re triggered. It’s a hormonal fluctuation and you need to decide how to take care of you and not assign blame or fault for why you feel this way.
There is hope and there is help. Find a medical professional who specializes in hormonal imbalances. Don’t give up. Find someone you can trust who you can talk to about it. Isolating yourself makes it worse.
Don’t give up and don’t suffer silently. Satan keeps our secrets and makes us feel shame, so when we share it, it disarms his hold on us.
Find a safe person to share this with. You need to be careful who you share this with because some people haven’t earned your trust or the right to hear those intimate personal details. 

 

Recommended Resources: 
How to Deal with Hormonal Imbalances That Affect Your Marriage
Real-Life Romance: Inspiring Stories to Help You Believe in True Love by Rhonda Stoppe
Moms Raising Sons to be Men by Rhonda Stoppe
If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy: And Other Myths Women Believe by Rhonda Stoppe
The Marriage Mentor: Becoming the Couple You Long to Be by Rhonda Stoppe
A Christian Woman’s Guide to Great Sex in Marriage by Rhonda Stoppe
Text NOREGRETS to 55444 to access the free video “God uses ordinary people”
Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner AWSA 2024 Golden Scroll Christian Living Book of the Year and the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Christian Living and Non-Fiction categories
YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms
Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, AWSA Member of the Year, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Devotional category, the 2023 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 1
YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 2
Revive & Thrive Women’s Online Conference
Revive & Thrive Summit 2
Trusting God through Cancer Summit 1
Trusting God through Cancer Summit 2
Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2020 Best Christian Living Book First Place, the first place winner for the Best Christian Living Book, the 2020 Carolina Christian  Writer’s Conference Contest winner for nonfiction, and winner of the 2021 Christian Literary Award’s Reader’s Choice Award in all four categories for which it was nominated (Non-Fiction Victorious Living, Christian Living Day By Day, Inspirational Breaking Free and Testimonial Justified by Grace categories.)
YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win
Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Henri and Reader’s Choice Award
Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
Free Webinar: Help for When You’re Feeling Blue

 

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

Connect with Rhonda Stoppe:

Website / Facebook / Instagram / Twitter / LinkedIn / Pinterest

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book  Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /   Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

 

Guest:

Rhonda Stoppe is the Best-Selling Author of 7 books. For more than 30 years Rhonda has helped thousands of women build no regrets lives! Rhonda is a highly sought after Speaker and a popular voice in the Christian Living Community. Rhonda ministers alongside her husband Steve, who for 20 years has pastored First Baptist Church of Patterson, California.  They live out their own Real Life Romance writing books and speaking at their No Regrets Marriage Conferences, but their favorite ministry is their family. They have four grown children and 10 grandchildren. To learn more about Rhonda’s speaking topics, watch her teaching and to book Rhonda for your next event visit: NoRegretsWoman.com

 

 

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 
In this episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, Rhonda Stoppe shares her Sacred Scar Story of finding hope in the midst of postpartum depression and hormonal imbalance. What began as a season of silent suffering&mdash;marked by deep shame, emotional exhaustion, and the sense that no one understood&mdash;eventually led her to the help she desperately needed. Now, Rhonda offers encouragement and truth to women facing similar struggles, reminding them they&rsquo;re not alone and that healing begins when we bring our pain into the light.
&nbsp;
Quotables from the episode:
&nbsp;
<ul>
<li>Living in that one-bedroom house, without electricity, with three children I was so overwhelmed. It wasn&rsquo;t depression exactly, but I was completely overwhelmed.</li>
<li>I was lying in my kids&rsquo; bunkbed with the door closing, weeping, when my husband came home and found me like that.</li>
<li>He asked what was wrong with me, and I didn&rsquo;t know. It was just too hard. It was a very dark season for me. I didn&rsquo;t know that it was post-partum depression&mdash;I just knew I was frail, and I was fragile.</li>
<li>Slowly, that post-partum turned into PMS/PMD.</li>
<li>I remember not being the mom I wanted to be. Two weeks out of the month I wasn&rsquo;t myself, and then two weeks out of the month I was myself.</li>
<li>We lived behind a locked gate on a ranch, so I could hide. So whenever I wasn&rsquo;t myself, and I couldn&rsquo;t live my life &ldquo;out there,&rdquo; I just stayed home within the locked gate.</li>
<li>Imagine if you&rsquo;re a werewolf, and imagine if every full moon, you were going to turn into a werewolf and you couldn&rsquo;t stop it, you couldn&rsquo;t stop that werewolf from taking over your body, and the only hope you had was if someone would lock you in a cage until the full moon passed so you didn&rsquo;t eat your young. That is what my experience was like with PMS.</li>
<li>Before I experienced it, I had said to my mom and to my sister who struggled with it, &ldquo;Oh come on, you&rsquo;re just using that as an excuse to hurt people with your words.&rdquo; Now, I knew enough to not hurt people with my words. Instead, I would pull back. During those times the only fruit of the spirit that I seemed to have was self-control, and I could keep hurtful words from coming out of my mouth that I couldn&rsquo;t take back.</li>
<li>I told my husband that the best way he could help me was to let me pull away in my bedroom, while he played with the kids, and let me just get through it. I would be in my room with my Bible open in my lap, reading, praying and asking God to help me.</li>
<li>I felt so ashamed because I knew the Lord and I had the Holy Spirit in me. What happens with a hormonal imbalance is a real medical condition that occurs and can play itself out in a way that you can be very sinful in how you let yourself respond to it.</li>
<li>I felt shame, I felt alone, I felt lonely, I felt like no one else was going through what I was going through. I think it&rsquo;s silent suffering that we often go through as Christian women because it feels so shameful when we have the Holy Spirit but we don&rsquo;t know why we cannot get a handle on this.</li>
<li>What makes it so hard is that we are so ashamed about it, so we don&rsquo;t want to talk about it because we don&rsquo;t know anyone else who is going through it so we think we are alone, so then the message we hear is &ldquo;what&rsquo;s wrong with ME?&rdquo; That just brings on more guilt, shame, remorse, regret, fear, and isolation. The isolation is about the worse thing we can do.</li>
<li>We need to talk about it so that people know they&rsquo;re not alone.</li>
<li>The enemy convinced me I was all alone, nobody understands, and I was going to have to figure this all out on my own.</li>
<li>I ultimately found help when I went to an endocrinologist who specialized in hormonal disorders. She gave me medication that balanced out my hormonal levels throughout the month.</li>
<li>My sacred scars came out of this experience because now I can comfort others with what has comforted me. Whenever I share my story, women are desperate to talk to me because they feel so alone and don&rsquo;t think anyone can understand the struggle, and for some, it&rsquo;s ruining their marriages.</li>
<li>The whole essence of the book&nbsp;Sacred Scars is that God didn&rsquo;t cause our pain and suffering, but He will use it for good.</li>
<li>Even now, my husband, Steve, who is a pastor, can help other men whose wives are going through it, because Steve went through it with me and can understand.</li>
<li>Initially, in my pride, I didn&rsquo;t want others to know about my frailty, but if God can use my frailty to help someone else, who am I to not let Him use my sacred scars to help someone else who&rsquo;s desperate to know they aren&rsquo;t alone.</li>
<li>Don&rsquo;t try to find someone to blame for how you&rsquo;re feeling right now. Recognize what is going on in your body. It&rsquo;s no one&rsquo;s fault; you don&rsquo;t have to find someone to blame for why you&rsquo;re sad or why you&rsquo;re mad or why you&rsquo;re triggered. It&rsquo;s a hormonal fluctuation and you need to decide how to take care of you and not assign blame or fault for why you feel this way.</li>
<li>There is hope and there is help. Find a medical professional who specializes in hormonal imbalances. Don&rsquo;t give up. Find someone you can trust who you can talk to about it. Isolating yourself makes it worse.</li>
<li>Don&rsquo;t give up and don&rsquo;t suffer silently. Satan keeps our secrets and makes us feel shame, so when we share it, it disarms his hold on us.</li>
<li>Find a safe person to share this with. You need to be careful who you share this with because some people haven&rsquo;t earned your trust or the right to hear those intimate personal details.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Recommended Resources:&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/3b4Tfsi"></a>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/how-to-deal-with-hormonal-imbalances-that-affect-your-marriage/">How to Deal with Hormonal Imbalances That Affect Your Marriage</a></li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3tiev5O">Real-Life Romance: Inspiring Stories to Help You Believe in True Love</a>&nbsp;by Rhonda Stoppe</li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3L99nIB">Moms Raising Sons to be Men</a>&nbsp;by Rhonda Stoppe</li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3vPjGgP">If My Husband Would Change, I&rsquo;d Be Happy: And Other Myths Women Believe</a>&nbsp;by Rhonda Stoppe</li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3IFvm9p">The Marriage Mentor: Becoming the Couple You Long to Be</a>&nbsp;by Rhonda Stoppe</li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3HCxNYW">A Christian Woman&rsquo;s Guide to Great Sex in Marriage</a>&nbsp;by Rhonda Stoppe</li>
<li>Text NOREGRETS to 55444 to access the free video &ldquo;God uses ordinary people&rdquo;</li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3b4Tfsi"></a><a href="https://amzn.to/3OpAZgQ">Sacred Scars: Resting in God&rsquo;s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson</li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3sCoqqm">The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms</a> by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner AWSA 2024 Golden Scroll Christian Living Book of the Year and the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award in the Christian Living and Non-Fiction categories</li>
<li>YouVersion 5-Day Devotional&nbsp;<a href="http://bible.us/r/A57">Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms</a></li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3twWnXp">Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right</a> by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, AWSA Member of the Year, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award in the Devotional category, the 2023 Christian Literary Awards Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals</li>
<li><a href="https://www.bible.com/en-GB/reading-plans/31089-today-is-going-to-be-a-good-day">YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 1</a></li>
<li><a href="https://my.bible.com/reading-plans/31151-today-is-going-to-be-another-good-day">YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 2</a></li>
<li><a href="https://leanhealthyageless.com/revive-and-thrive-landing-mb/">Revive &amp; Thrive Women&rsquo;s Online Conference</a></li>
<li><a href="https://leanhealthyageless.com/fall-2020-revive-and-thrive-landing/">Revive &amp; Thrive Summit 2</a></li>
<li><a href="https://bit.ly/3mJPixb">Trusting God through Cancer Summit 1</a></li>
<li><a href="https://bit.ly/3to2SJc">Trusting God through Cancer Summit 2</a></li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/2ZSTP4N">Breaking Anxiety&rsquo;s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2020 Best Christian Living Book First Place, the first place winner for the Best Christian Living Book, the 2020 Carolina Christian&nbsp; Writer&rsquo;s Conference Contest winner for nonfiction, and winner of the 2021 Christian Literary Award&rsquo;s Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award in all four categories for which it was nominated (Non-Fiction Victorious Living, Christian Living Day By Day, Inspirational Breaking Free and Testimonial Justified by Grace categories.)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/16633-breaking-anxietys-grip-by-michelle-bengtson">YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety&rsquo;s Grip</a></li>
<li><a href="https://drmichellebengtson.com/breaking-anxietys-grip-study-guide/">Breaking Anxiety&rsquo;s Grip Free Study Guide</a></li>
<li>Free PDF Resource: <a href="https://drmichellebengtson.com/fight-anxious-fearful-thoughts-download/">How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win</a></li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/2zB0e7J">Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor&rsquo;s Personal Journey Through Depression</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Henri and Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award</li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/2yMdN46">Hope Prevails Bible Study</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award</li>
<li>Free Webinar: <a href="https://drmichellebengtson.com/10-tips-to-beat-the-blues-webinar-replay-sign-up/">Help for When You&rsquo;re Feeling Blue</a></li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Social Media Links for Host and Guest:
Connect with Rhonda Stoppe:
<a href="https://www.rhondastoppe.com/">Website</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.facebook.com/NoRegretsWoman">Facebook</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/rhondastoppe/">Instagram</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/RhondaStoppe">Twitter</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhondastoppe/">LinkedIn</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.pinterest.com/rhondastoppe/">Pinterest</a>
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book <a href="https://amzn.to/3OpAZgQ">Sacred Scars</a> / Order Book <a href="https://amzn.to/3sCoqqm">The Hem of His Garment</a> / Order Book <a href="https://amzn.to/3twWnXp">Today is Going to be a Good Day</a> / Order Book &nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/2Vvipro">Breaking Anxiety&rsquo;s Grip</a>&nbsp;/ Order Book&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/2Vus9SJ">Hope Prevails</a>&nbsp; / &nbsp;<a href="https://www.drmichellebengtson.com/">Website</a>&nbsp; / &nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="https://drmichellebengtson.com/category/blog/">Blog</a>&nbsp; /&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="https://www.facebook.com/DrMichelleBengtson">Facebook</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.twitter.com/DrMBengtson">Twitter</a>&nbsp;(@DrMBengtson) &nbsp;/&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/DrMichelleBengtson">LinkedIn</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;/&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/drmichellebengtson">Instagram</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.pinterest.com/Drbhopeprevails">Pinterest</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn92DHzGSZk8psDb2FKazOQ">YouTube</a> / <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-hope-filled-perspective-dr-michelle-bengtson-podcast/id1468018011">Podcast on Apple</a>
&nbsp;
Guest:
Rhonda Stoppe is the Best-Selling Author of 7 books. For more than 30 years Rhonda has helped thousands of women build no regrets lives! Rhonda is a highly sought after Speaker and a popular voice in the Christian Living Community. Rhonda ministers alongside her husband Steve, who for 20 years has pastored First Baptist Church of Patterson, California.&nbsp; They live out their own <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Real-Life-Romance-Inspiring-Stories-Believe/dp/0736971416/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1518112450&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=Rhonda+Stoppe+Books%252523customerReviews">Real Life Romance </a>writing books and speaking at their No Regrets Marriage Conferences, but their favorite ministry is their family. They have four grown children and 10 grandchildren. To learn more about Rhonda&rsquo;s speaking topics, watch her teaching and to book Rhonda for your next event visit: <a href="https://www.rhondastoppe.com/topics/">NoRegretsWoman.com</a>
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
Hosted By:&nbsp;Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Your Hope-Filled Perspective draws on Dr. Michelle Bengtson’s almost 3 decades of clinical expertise as a neuropsychologist to help her listeners regain hope, renew their minds, and transform their lives. With a perfect balance of clinical expertise, compassion, and vulnerability, Dr. Bengtson and her guests purpose to share Biblically-based hope-filled perspectives for real-life issues, struggles, and concerns. Voted #2 in 2022's Podcast Magazine's Top 50 Moms in Podcasting.

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Your Hope-Filled Perspective draws on Dr. Michelle Bengtson&rsquo;s almost 3 decades of clinical expertise as a neuropsychologist to help her listeners regain hope, renew their minds, and transform their lives. With a perfect balance of clinical expertise, compassion, and vulnerability, Dr. Bengtson and her guests purpose to share Biblically-based hope-filled perspectives for real-life issues, struggles, and concerns. Voted #2 in 2022's Podcast Magazine's Top 50 Moms in Podcasting.