Episode Summary:

Have you ever found yourself asking, "God, what happened?"

Not because you've stopped believing. Not because you've lost your faith. But because life unfolded so differently than you expected that you're still trying to make sense of it.

Perhaps you prayed faithfully for healing, but the diagnosis remained. Perhaps you believed a relationship would last, only to watch it fall apart. Perhaps you worked diligently toward a goal, only to have the opportunity slip through your fingers. Maybe you carried a dream for years—something you genuinely believed God had placed on your heart—and yet that dream never materialized.

One of the hardest realities of life is that sometimes our greatest pain comes not from what happened, but from what didn't happen.

Disappointment has a unique kind of grief attached to it. It's the grief of unmet expectations. It's the grief of unanswered questions. It's the grief of looking at your life and realizing it doesn't resemble the picture you once carried in your heart.

What many people don't realize is that disappointment affects far more than our emotions. It affects our thinking. It affects our stress levels. It affects our motivation. It affects our relationships. It affects our faith. And it even affects our brains.

In honor of the National Day of Encouragement, Rev. Jessica Van Roekel and I talk about what happens when expectations are shattered, why disappointment can become so emotionally heavy, and how we can move forward without becoming stuck in discouragement or cynicism.

If you've ever wrestled with a dream that didn't happen, a prayer that seemed unanswered, or a season that didn't unfold the way you hoped, this conversation is for you.

Quotables from the episode:

• Disappointment isn't evidence of weak faith. It's evidence that you're human.
• But disappointment often involves grieving an anticipated future. We're grieving what we thought would happen. We're grieving what we expected. We're grieving the story we imagined.
• But minimizing pain doesn't heal pain. It simply buries it. And buried disappointment has a way of resurfacing later.
• And the larger the gap between expectation and reality, the more emotionally significant that disruption becomes. Which explains why disappointment can feel so destabilizing.
• That's where disappointment creates such tension. Our brains crave certainty, but our faith requires trust. Learning to navigate that tension is an important part of emotional and spiritual maturity.
• We cannot surrender something to God that we're unwilling to admit exists.
• Honest emotion is not the enemy of faith. In many ways, honest emotion becomes the doorway through which deeper faith develops.
• Yet pain is not always an accurate interpreter of reality.
• But biblical hope was never intended to rest on outcomes. It was intended to rest on God's character.
• Hope isn't certainty about the future. It's confidence in the One who holds the future.

Recommended Resources:

• Reframing Rejection: How Looking Through a Different Lens Changes Everything By Jessica Van Roekel
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Free Webinar: Help for When You’re Feeling Blue

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

Connect with Rev. Jessica Van Roekel:

Website / Instagram / Facebook

Connect with Dr. Bengtson:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book  Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /   Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

Co-Host:

Jessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Ashton Bengtson