Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle BengtsonYour Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Healing From Emotional Exhaustion and Holiday Burnout

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Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Your Hope-Filled Perspective draws on Dr. Michelle Bengtson’s almost 3 decades of clinical expertise as a neuropsychologist to help her listeners rega… 
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Episode Summary:

Emotional Exhaustion and holiday burnout are very real experiences. Today we’re going to be talking about the post-holiday aftermath that many of us feel for a myriad of reasons. We are going to cover expectations—unmet and unspoken; the subsequent disappointment which follows and the straight up exhaustion of making Christmas happen for our loved ones. If we don’t pause for a moment following the holidays, we rush headlong into the long winter months with unresolved sadness, which impacts our mental and emotional well-being, making those January blues stronger.

 

Our goal today is to equip you with space to process what happened or didn’t happen, reminders that you are not alone, and practical hope-filled tools to apply to the post-holiday aftermath you may be experiencing.

 

Quotables from the episode:

  • The living room is scattered with wrapping paper, ornaments are askew on the tree, and a fine layer of dust covers everything. Family has wandered off to pursue individual pursuits and you’re sitting alone. You did it. You curated gifts based on personal interests and desires. You planned special meals and made the once-a-year Christmas treats. But now the exhaustion sets in. You wonder if your family appreciates your effort, and you question whether it’s worth it. Crawling into bed and skipping the big family get together later that day sounds great. Instead, you pull yourself up and put another foot in front of the other. “Do the next thing,” you whisper, but wonder if you actually can. Today we are talking about How to Heal from Emotional Burnout and Holiday Exhaustion.
  • Emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion is a real experience that many of us deal with. It can start as early as October or November and lingers into January.
  • I love the reminders in Psalm 46 to be still, but it can be so hard to do. But when I keep reading, I see that knowing God and bringing him glory helps me frame being still inside the comforting knowledge that God is with me through it all. It’s the “all” that trips us up during the holidays. How do we determine how much or how little to do? How do we manage our expectations within the framework of stillness wrapped in God’s presence?
  • One of the contributing factors in emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout comes from a motive to serve others and to create a special experience for them. It’s a good and noble desire to do this. The gift of hospitality, even to our own families, is a special way to show them God’s love. That’s where my desire comes from: I want to show my family love by doing for them.  But when we neglect the best thing, we find ourselves running through the holidays in our own strength, which creates emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion.
  • I love the sisters, Mary and Martha, found in Luke 10:38-42. These two women show us how to both serve and be still.
  • I’ve never liked how Martha is shown as wrong and Mary as right. If we take the time to read what Jesus said, we learn there is a good way and a better way. Martha had good motives in serving Jesus and the other guests. In the context of healing from holiday exhaustion and emotional burnout, the desire to create a beautiful holiday experience is a good desire. Martha’s mistake was her unspoken expectation that her sister should be helping her create this amazing experience for the Lord.
  • However, Mary spent her time listening at the feet of Jesus. While it looked like she was doing nothing, she shows us how being still is an active response. Spending time with Jesus is a better desire. It changes us from the inside out. Let’s explore how to hold both the good and the better in the same space and time.
  • I’ve always had mixed feelings when it comes to the account of Mary and Martha. I want to be a Mary, but I definitely relate to Martha’s personally as a get-it-done kind of person. I can’t tell you how often I hear “I don’t know how you do all you do!” And in transparency, for many years, I wore that as a badge of honor, until doing became my downfall.
  • One thing that has always stood out to me in the account of these two sisters is when Scripture says But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. It’s not that what Martha was doing was bad…it just wasn’t the best thing. It’s so easy to set aside our private, personal time with Jesus during the crazy, busy holiday season, and embarrassingly, I have succumbed to that at times. But what you’re saying is that healing from emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion starts with being still with Jesus.
  • It’s within the stillness with Jesus where we can be refreshed and guided for our next thing. We can ask the Holy Spirit to show us where we may have expectations that could lead to disappointment. I must continually remind myself that life is not a movie script, with perfectly plotted responses. There is no call for “Cut!” or “Go again.” Our family members deal with their own internal angsts, expectations, and disappointments, which clash with ours. If we start the day with Jesus and invite him into every part of our day, we can hold the good with the better and reveal both a Martha and a Mary side to our families and ourselves.
  • Unmet expectations (of others and ourselves) can contribute to emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so we have to be intentional when we want to change course. Addressing expectations by making time with Jesus a priority during the holiday season is vital, but let’s turn our attention to some practical steps.
  • One step we can do post-holiday is to ask our families what traditions or activities are important to them.  We may be doing all the things, but maybe we don’t need too. Taking the time to talk about expectations, and adjusting them going forward both helps to heal, and create self-guards going forward.
  • A second aspect that crucial for our healing from emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout is to Create space in your life to rest and recover.
  • There’s no universal required day to take down the decorations and return the gift bags to their storage space. Lay on the couch post-Christmas and New Years. Turn off the lamps and turn on the Christmas lights. Take time to rejoice in Jesus coming to earth for you. Contemplate God with us. Be still and know he is God.
  • Depending on how depleted, fatigued, or burned out you may feel, I would add to that to create a “recovery zone”. Pick a short window every day, even if only 10-20 minutes, where you intentionally do nothing that requires output. Instead, sit with a cozy drink, listen to calm music, step outside for a breath of fresh air. This sends your nervous system the message: “I am safe. I can rest.”
  • The fourth suggestion we have for how to heal from emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout is where we can learn from Mary. I’d suggest a brief post-holiday evaluation can be very helpful by answering two questions. First, What wore you out? Second, What gave you life?
  • Taking the time for a post-holiday evaluation helps heal from emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion because self-reflection helps our brain release what is internally keeping our mind in a state of stress, and is a way to prepare and protect your mental and emotional strength for the next year.
  • This is where we realize where we may have lost sight of “God with us.” It’s easy to keep saying yes and to add more. Some years we have the capacity for a lot and other years we need to scale back. Three of my kids have birthdays in November, January, and February. Reserving energy for their births changed how I did Christmas, from the décor to the gifts to the food. And I discovered an important truth—it’s not so much what we do that makes Christmas special but the who. Who we are with and who we focus on.
  • A fifth tip, which is really important, is to Replenish What Was Depleted. To do this, I would add a third question to the self-evaluation, and that is to ask yourself What did the holidays season drain the most? If it was sleep, commit to earlier nights for a week or two. If it was social energy, block out quiet evenings. If it was finances, enact a low-spend month or two. If it was emotions, journal what you carried and release it to God.
  • We know that the level of emotional exhaustion or holiday burnout is different for everyone, and some years are worse than others, but with a shift in our perspective, a bit of self-reflection, communicating with our family, creating space to rest and recover, and intentionally replenishing what was depleted, we can experience healing from emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion.

 

Scripture References:

  • Psalm 46:11-12 “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
  • Luke 10:38-42 “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

 

Recommended Resources:

 

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

Connect with Jessica Van Roekel:

Website / Instagram / Facebook

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book  Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /   Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

 

Co-Host:

Jessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.

 

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

 
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