Episode Summary: In this episode of Your Hope Filled Perspective, we honor National Caregivers Month by shining a light on the often unseen challenges and rewards of care-giving. Whether you’re a caregiver yourself or know someone who is, this conversation will provide encouragement, practical tips, and faith-based hope to navigate the emotional, physical, and spiritual toll of caregiving. Carole Leathem and I discuss the misconceptions about caregiving, the importance of self-care, and ways communities can better support caregivers. Join us as we explore how faith and community can sustain caregivers through their most challenging moments while also revealing the unexpected blessings caregiving can bring.

 

Quotables from the episode:
There are 55 million caregivers in the world.
Caregiving often comes with, as you've alluded to, a range of emotions. You called it a roller coaster of emotions, which I think is a beautiful picture of just exactly what's that like. It comes with grief, it comes with guilt. Sometimes it even comes with resentment.
How can caregivers process these feelings in a healthy way? Well, for me, it really boils down to what I call asking the right questions. Because early on, I was asking, why in the heck is this happening? What did I do to cause this? I would cry out to God and say, why are you allowing this? I would say all of these why, why, why, why, why questions. And the why questions would get me nowhere. And one day, God, in my quiet time, said to me, “Carol, you're asking the wrong question.” And the question I needed to be doing asking was “okay this is happening, now what?” 
What I have now done is, I have taken the focus off the why which is the focus on me and what I'm going through and what I'm feeling now I'm not diminishing those emotions but when I am focused on me and my hurt and my pain and my resentment, then I'm not doing anything to get myself off that hamster wheel or that roller coaster.
When I ask the right question, which is, I make a statement to God, “okay, this is happening. Now, what?” Then I can take a step back, my eyes are us back on God. My heart is now open to the mistakes that I'm making. And the emotions now can one by one be dealt with. How do I deal with the resentment? Well, when I say to “God, you know, I didn't sign up for this.” God says to me, “Oh girl, yeah, you did. Remember those vows that you took 48 years ago.” And I'm like, yeah, you're right. And all that does is it just kind of puts it back into a perspective, because the perspective of focusing on me is not as healthy as the perspective of focusing on God.
God didn't answer Job. When Job said why, God had something else for Job to learn. And when you say now what that offers God the opportunity to teach you either something about yourself, something about your spouse, or something about him. Yeah,… those are hard fought lessons. But I'm convinced that sometimes the only way we learn those lessons is walking through the hard times. I agree. I agree with you 100%. “
I have this space created so that when I walk into this room, it's me. It's my safe place. It's my place where I do my quiet time. It's my place where I work. It's my place where I do my podcasts. It's where I do everything in this room. I had to create a space. And fortunately, I had a room that I could do that with. So I come in here and if life is particularly hard, I have to tell myself 15 minutes is not going to change anything outside these walls, but it can make a big difference in me.
We make time for the things that are important. We can always find time if we make it important enough.
The real bottom line is, and I deal with a lot of caregivers, we make time for what's important, and that is the honest truth. … we can always find time if we make it important enough. So we have to make it important. And I hope that you're listening because that is such a valuable nugget because we really do make time for what's important. The number of times that I hear people say, oh, I just don't have time. You know, we all have 24 hours in a day, And we are all going to spend every minute of those 24 hours, but we will spend it on what we deem is important. And so if your loved one that you are caring for, if you deem them as important, you need to also deem your own self -care as important.
You can still experience joy even in the midst of sorrow.
It comes down to perspective and how we’re looking at it. It’s not about me, even though it feels like it’s about me.
We have to know our limits. There are some things when we’re dealing with caregiving there’s things I can do, and then there’s things I can’t do. The hardest thing is to understand where those boundaries are. What am I responsible for? What am I not responsible for?

 

Scripture References:
Matthew 25:40 “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”
1 Timothy 5:8 “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Galatians 6:10 “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

 

Recommended Resources: 
Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2024 Golden Scroll Christian Living Book of the Year
YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms
Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, AWSA Member of the Year, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 1
YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 2
Revive & Thrive Women’s Online Conference
Revive & Thrive Summit 2
Trusting God through Cancer Summit 1
Trusting God through Cancer Summit 2
Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2020 Best Christian Living Book First Place, the first place winner for the Best Christian Living Book, the 2020 Carolina Christian  Writer’s Conference Contest winner for nonfiction, and winner of the 2021 Christian Literary Award’s Reader’s Choice Award in all four categories for which it was nominated (Non-Fiction Victorious Living, Christian Living Day By Day, Inspirational Breaking Free and Testimonial Justified by Grace categories.)
YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win
Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Henri and Reader’s Choice Award
Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
Free Webinar: Help for When You’re Feeling Blue

 

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

Connect with Carole Leathem:

 Website / Instagram / Facebook

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book  Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /   Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

 

 Guest: 

Carole is a speaker, teacher, author, storyteller, podcaster, and encourager, and she has been speaking at women’s retreats and teaching Bible studies for over thirty years. She is a certified mental health coach, professional life coach, and a spiritual formation coach. Carole is passionate about sharing her story with those God puts in her life and loves spending time with her 7 grandchildren.

 

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: In this episode of Your Hope Filled Perspective, we honor National Caregivers Month by shining a light on the often unseen challenges and rewards of care-giving. Whether you&rsquo;re a caregiver yourself or know someone who is, this conversation will provide encouragement, practical tips, and faith-based hope to navigate the emotional, physical, and spiritual toll of caregiving. Carole Leathem and I discuss the misconceptions about caregiving, the importance of self-care, and ways communities can better support caregivers. Join us as we explore how faith and community can sustain caregivers through their most challenging moments while also revealing the unexpected blessings caregiving can bring.
&nbsp;
Quotables from the episode:
<ul>
<li>There are 55 million caregivers in the world.</li>
<li>Caregiving often comes with, as you've alluded to, a range of emotions. You called it a roller coaster of emotions, which I think is a beautiful picture of just exactly what's that like. It comes with grief, it comes with guilt. Sometimes it even comes with resentment.</li>
<li>How can caregivers process these feelings in a healthy way? Well, for me, it really boils down to&nbsp;what I call asking the right questions. Because early on, I was asking, why in the heck is this happening? What did I do to cause this? I would cry out to God and say, why are you allowing this? I would say all of these why, why, why, why, why questions. And the why questions would get me nowhere. And one day, God, in my quiet time, said to me, &ldquo;Carol, you're asking the wrong question.&rdquo; And the question I needed to be doing asking was &ldquo;okay this is happening, now what?&rdquo;&nbsp;</li>
<li>What I have now done is, I have taken the focus off the why which is the focus on me and what I'm going through and what I'm feeling now I'm not diminishing those emotions but when I am focused on me and my hurt and my pain and my resentment, then I'm not doing anything to get myself off that hamster wheel or that roller coaster.</li>
<li>When I ask the right question, which is, I make a statement to God, &ldquo;okay, this is happening. Now, what?&rdquo; Then I can take a step back, my eyes are us back on God. My heart is now open to the mistakes that I'm making. And the emotions now can one by one be dealt with. How do I deal with the resentment? Well, when I say to &ldquo;God, you know, I didn't sign up for this.&rdquo; God says to me, &ldquo;Oh girl, yeah, you did. Remember those vows that you took 48 years ago.&rdquo; And I'm like, yeah, you're right. And all that does is it just kind of puts it back into a perspective, because the perspective of focusing on me is not as healthy as the perspective of focusing on God.</li>
<li>God didn't answer Job. When Job said why, God had something else for Job to learn. And when you say now what that offers God the opportunity to teach you either something about yourself, something about your spouse, or something about him. Yeah,&hellip; those are hard fought lessons. But I'm convinced that sometimes the only way we learn those lessons is walking through the hard times. I agree. I agree with you 100%.&nbsp;&ldquo;</li>
<li>I have this space created so that when I walk into this room, it's me. It's my safe place. It's my place where I do my quiet time. It's my place where I work. It's my place where I do my podcasts. It's where I do everything in this room. I had to create a space. And fortunately, I had a room that I could do that with. So I come in here and if life is particularly hard, I have to tell myself 15 minutes is not going to change anything outside these walls, but it can make a big difference in me.</li>
<li>We make time for the things that are important. We can always find time if we make it important enough.</li>
<li>The real bottom line is, and I deal with a lot of caregivers, we make time for what's important, and that is the honest truth. &hellip; we can always find time if we make it important enough. So we have to make it important. And I hope that you're listening because that is such a valuable nugget because we really do make time for what's important. The number of times that I hear people say, oh, I just don't have time. You know, we all have 24 hours in a day, And we are all going to spend every minute of those 24 hours, but we will spend it on what we deem is important. And so if your loved one that you are caring for, if you deem them as important, you need to also deem your own self -care as important.</li>
<li>You can still experience joy even in the midst of sorrow.</li>
<li>It comes down to perspective and how we&rsquo;re looking at it. It&rsquo;s not about me, even though it feels like it&rsquo;s about me.</li>
<li>We have to know our limits. There are some things when we&rsquo;re dealing with caregiving there&rsquo;s things I can do, and then there&rsquo;s things I can&rsquo;t do. The hardest thing is to understand where those boundaries are. What am I responsible for? What am I not responsible for?</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Scripture References:
<ul>
<li>Matthew 25:40 &ldquo;Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.&rdquo;</li>
<li>1 Timothy 5:8 &ldquo;Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.&rdquo;</li>
<li>Galatians 6:10 &ldquo;Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.&rdquo;</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Recommended Resources: 
<ul>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3OpAZgQ">Sacred Scars: Resting in God&rsquo;s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson</li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3sCoqqm">The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2024 Golden Scroll Christian Living Book of the Year</li>
<li>YouVersion 5-Day Devotional&nbsp;<a href="http://bible.us/r/A57">Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms</a></li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/3twWnXp">Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, AWSA Member of the Year, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals</li>
<li><a href="https://www.bible.com/en-GB/reading-plans/31089-today-is-going-to-be-a-good-day">YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 1</a></li>
<li><a href="https://my.bible.com/reading-plans/31151-today-is-going-to-be-another-good-day">YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 2</a></li>
<li><a href="https://leanhealthyageless.com/revive-and-thrive-landing-mb/">Revive &amp; Thrive Women&rsquo;s Online Conference</a></li>
<li><a href="https://leanhealthyageless.com/fall-2020-revive-and-thrive-landing/">Revive &amp; Thrive Summit 2</a></li>
<li><a href="https://bit.ly/3mJPixb">Trusting God through Cancer Summit 1</a></li>
<li><a href="https://bit.ly/3to2SJc">Trusting God through Cancer Summit 2</a></li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/2ZSTP4N">Breaking Anxiety&rsquo;s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2020 Best Christian Living Book First Place, the first place winner for the Best Christian Living Book, the 2020 Carolina Christian&nbsp; Writer&rsquo;s Conference Contest winner for nonfiction, and winner of the 2021 Christian Literary Award&rsquo;s Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award in all four categories for which it was nominated (Non-Fiction Victorious Living, Christian Living Day By Day, Inspirational Breaking Free and Testimonial Justified by Grace categories.)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/16633-breaking-anxietys-grip-by-michelle-bengtson">YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety&rsquo;s Grip</a></li>
<li><a href="https://drmichellebengtson.com/breaking-anxietys-grip-study-guide/">Breaking Anxiety&rsquo;s Grip Free Study Guide</a></li>
<li>Free PDF Resource: <a href="https://drmichellebengtson.com/fight-anxious-fearful-thoughts-download/">How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win</a></li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/2zB0e7J">Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor&rsquo;s Personal Journey Through Depression</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Henri and Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award</li>
<li><a href="https://amzn.to/2yMdN46">Hope Prevails Bible Study</a>&nbsp;by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader&rsquo;s Choice Award</li>
<li>Free Webinar: <a href="https://drmichellebengtson.com/10-tips-to-beat-the-blues-webinar-replay-sign-up/">Help for When You&rsquo;re Feeling Blue</a></li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Social Media Links for Host and Guest:
Connect with Carole Leathem:
&nbsp;<a href="https://www.thecaretakersjourney.com/">Website</a> / <a href="https://www.instagram.com/carolesjourney/">Instagram</a> / <a href="https://www.facebook.com/carolesjourney">Facebook</a>
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book <a href="https://amzn.to/3OpAZgQ">Sacred Scars</a> / Order Book <a href="https://amzn.to/3sCoqqm">The Hem of His Garment</a> / Order Book <a href="https://amzn.to/3twWnXp">Today is Going to be a Good Day</a> / Order Book &nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/2Vvipro">Breaking Anxiety&rsquo;s Grip</a>&nbsp;/ Order Book&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/2Vus9SJ">Hope Prevails</a>&nbsp; / &nbsp;<a href="https://www.drmichellebengtson.com/">Website</a>&nbsp; / &nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="https://drmichellebengtson.com/category/blog/">Blog</a>&nbsp; /&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="https://www.facebook.com/DrMichelleBengtson">Facebook</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.twitter.com/DrMBengtson">Twitter</a>&nbsp;(@DrMBengtson) &nbsp;/&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/DrMichelleBengtson">LinkedIn</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;/&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/drmichellebengtson">Instagram</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.pinterest.com/Drbhopeprevails">Pinterest</a>&nbsp;/&nbsp;<a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn92DHzGSZk8psDb2FKazOQ">YouTube</a> / <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-hope-filled-perspective-dr-michelle-bengtson-podcast/id1468018011">Podcast on Apple</a>
&nbsp;
&nbsp;Guest: 
Carole is a speaker, teacher, author, storyteller, podcaster, and encourager, and she has been speaking at women&rsquo;s retreats and teaching Bible studies for over thirty years. She is a certified mental health coach, professional life coach, and a spiritual formation coach. Carole is passionate about sharing her story with those God puts in her life and loves spending time with her 7 grandchildren.
&nbsp;
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Your Hope-Filled Perspective draws on Dr. Michelle Bengtson’s almost 3 decades of clinical expertise as a neuropsychologist to help her listeners regain hope, renew their minds, and transform their lives. With a perfect balance of clinical expertise, compassion, and vulnerability, Dr. Bengtson and her guests purpose to share Biblically-based hope-filled perspectives for real-life issues, struggles, and concerns. Voted #2 in 2022's Podcast Magazine's Top 50 Moms in Podcasting.

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Your Hope-Filled Perspective draws on Dr. Michelle Bengtson&rsquo;s almost 3 decades of clinical expertise as a neuropsychologist to help her listeners regain hope, renew their minds, and transform their lives. With a perfect balance of clinical expertise, compassion, and vulnerability, Dr. Bengtson and her guests purpose to share Biblically-based hope-filled perspectives for real-life issues, struggles, and concerns. Voted #2 in 2022's Podcast Magazine's Top 50 Moms in Podcasting.