A "magnet for abusive partners", an addict trying to get clean, and a recent widow... all struggling in their own way. All have my encouragement and support. ~ Delilah
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have put together some of my favorite radio moments here to share with you on our daily podcast. Welcome, my friend. I'm so glad that you have found us. Is this your first time here and you're thinking to yourself, Gosh, Delilah is so nice. Trust me, I'm not always that nice. Those of you who've been listening for years you know that truth. But I am here for you. I'm here to talk with you. I'm here to listen to you. And even though I can't always take good advice, I have a lot of experience and I've made a lot of mistakes, so I can give you some good advice pretty much based on what not to do. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Sarah, who says, I have a dilemma. I am the mother of young adult children, and I am a magnet for toxic, abusive men. I've been in three long term relationships, each time waiting for them to become better men, and they never did. My father moved away when I was eight, and he went to raise another woman's children and had very little contact with me over the years. Now he has Alzheimer's disease has trouble even remembering me, and I have been asked to go take care of him. I've been in and out of so many toxic relationships, each time leaving with less than I came with that I'm now down to owning a car and the clothes I can carry. So I'm tempted to do this because part of me hopes it could help me heal and at the same time get back on my feet. Another part of me is afraid, and I'm just going back to the first toxic man in my life. What do you think, Ah, Sarah? I will have my words of advice for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Sarah. Sarah who has been in three long terms and relationships with men who've abused her. Now the first person who abused her and disappointed her has Alzheimer's and it looks like family wants to dump him on her, and she's thinking about going and taking care of him. Sarah, how is that going to help you heal at all? How is going and caring for somebody who abandoned you going to help heal your heart? That's like going back to pet and alligator that bit your leg off. Come on, you need to forgive him. You definitely need to forgive your father and let go of the fact that he abandoned you and went to raise somebody else's children. But you do not need to put yourself in a situation where you're just going to get knocked down again. How is that going to help you get back on your feet. I don't know who is asking this of you, but if he's not been a part of your life, if he didn't raise you, if he hasn't been connected to you, let the people that he was connected to and has a relationship with care for him. That's not your responsibility. What you need to do now that you're down to a car in the clothes on your back, is figure out why you're broken and how to fix it. Your letter said you stayed in relationship waiting for them to become better men, and they never did. When somebody shows you by their actions who they are, believe them, don't try to change them. When somebody shows you that they don't respect you, believe them and get away from him. Get the heck away from them. I heard somebody say today, you can't change the people around you. But you can change the people that surround you. You're not going to change somebody who is abusive or disrespectful, but you can change and get away from them and surround yourself with healthy people. Surround yourself with people who don't need drama and trauma and drugs and alcohol and meth and crack and all the other garbage that goes with that. But you need to heal yourself. You need to heal your heart. Good luck and God bless you. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is somebody who readily admits that they are an addict. They say, Hi, Delilah, I listen to your station every night, and you feel like a friend. I've been struggling with a heroin addiction for twelve years and just recently got clean by using vivitrol, a medication that helps to block the effects of opiates. It seems to be working. However, just getting off the drug isn't the only battle. Like most addicts, I've isolated myself for all the years I was using, and now I find I don't have friends or even a support system, and I feel very alone. Do you have any words of advice for me? Yes, yes I do, Amy, and I will share those words coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Amy, who readily admit she's an addict has been battling heroin addiction for twelve years. First off, Amy, I want to say God bless you and thank you for being courageous and brave enough to be honest. A lot of people listening the minute they heard battling a heroin addiction judged you because they think that that addictions happen to other people. They don't understand that all of us have battles and struggles, and addiction happens to so many people, myself included. So first off, thank you for your bravery and thank you for your honesty. Second off, you say I don't have any friends or a support system, and I feel very alone. If you go online and look up and in a meeting, you will find one Tonight in your town. If there's not one Tonight in your town, there is one Tonight online. There's hundreds Tonight online, and there you will find friends. More importantly, there you will find support and unconditional love. You will find other men and women who have battled heroin addiction. Cocaine addiction, meth addiction, whatever the drug of choice is, and you have one thing in common, and that is that you want to get better. That you want to get better, that you want your life to be better. And like you said, it isn't just getting off the drugs, it's learning to live a new life, a new life where you open your heart, where you open your mind to possibilities and opportunities, You open yourself up to love, to caring about others, to being intimately connected instead of shut off hiding behind your addiction. So please find your way to an NA meeting and please find a sponsor. And for me, the most important part of my recovery is my faith, having people that encourage me and my faith. That's what's made my life amazing the last what thirty six years since since I hit rock bottom with my problems. So please find somebody who has a strong faith that you can lean on and learn from. Good luck and God bless you. And again I'm so proud of you. Amy Linda writes, I've been listening to your show for thirteen years. Please keep up the good work. I lost my husband of forty eight years very suddenly last year due to lung cancer, and it's been a rough year for me. Neighbors who were friendly with seem suddenly to avoid me. I'm kind of shy and quiet. My husband was the more outgoing of the two of us, and I feel very alone. I don't understand why people behave this way. I've continued to belong to a few clubs to keep busy. Why do people ignore or those of us who are widowed. I just don't get it. Do you have any suggestions for me? I do, Linda, and I will share my words coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Linda, who was married for forty eight years, almost half a century, and lost her husband very suddenly, and now she says that people that used to be friendly are ignoring her. Linda, it's not that they are ignoring you, It's that they are uncomfortable setting with you in the midst of your sorrow. Our culture does not teach people. I was never taught this. I never learned this how to set with somebody and hold space for them in their grief and sorrow. We feel like we have to fill up the space with words, and there are no w You were loved and cared for and in a relationship for almost half a century, and that loss is immense, and people don't know how to just sit and be with you without trying to make you happy, knowing that your heart has been ripped in half. So do I have any suggestions for you? Find a group, a support group for widows or for people who have lost loved ones. When I lost my boys, I've lost two sons and my stepson, so between my husband and I in a ten year period, less than that an eight year period, we lost three children, and all of a sudden, people got weird around us. And I found a support group in my area for people who've lost children, and that made all the difference in the world, having a place I could go and cry and share and share my feelings without making other people uncomfortable because they're going through grief as well. And we helped each other. Find a support group in your area or online for widows, find some people or someone that is not uncomfortable with your grief that can walk you down this path of sorrow. And I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you. I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share more with you each weekday on Hey It's Delilah Lo