DELILAH DILEMMAS: Can I help?

Published Jan 8, 2025, 8:00 AM

A "misbehaving" husband, a frustrated mama, a sister squabble... Did I steer them in the right direction? ~ Delilah

Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have put together some of my favorite radio moments here to share with you on our daily podcast. You know, each night we have a little feature we call you a Delilah Dilemma. I don't know how long we've been doing this, but you tell me a problem, a situation, and I try to solve it in you know, thirty seconds or less, which we all know cannot be done. I know that, but it's still kind of fun. If you would like to send me your Delilah dilemma, I will do my best to share some words of wisdom. Not that I don't have a doctorate's, I don't have a PhD. I don't have a master's. I don't have a degree. Okay, I'm not giving you professional advice. I'm a mom and I've you know, been around the block three times maybe four. Tonight's Llilah's dilemma is from a listener who writes, Dear Delilah, my wife and I have been together since two thousand and one. Our marriage was very happy until I started and this is his words, not mine, misbehaving, drinking too much, and being angry a lot. It created a distance between us, while she begged me to change. I promised to and then I broke those promises, and of course she drifted away from me emotionally. Eventually I caught on and changed my life. But she is saying that it's now too late. She has found another and she has feelings for him. We still live together, but I don't know if she will ever forgive me, though I'm motivated to do whatever it takes. I'd like to dedicate a special song to her and ask if you have any advice. I do have advice, and I will share those words with you. Coming up now. Next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a listener who's been with his wife for over twenty years. Twenty one years, And the thing I want to focus on is you write and you said our marriage was happy until I started misbehaving, Like you're a child. That's misbehaving. My six year old misbehaves sometimes, my thirteen year old misbehaves. When my eighteen year old does things that she knows are wrong, that's not misbehaving. That is making a conscious choice to do something that you realize and you know is hurting someone else. So no, you weren't misbehaving. You were treating your wife like she didn't matter, because she didn't. Your drinking came first, Your anger came before your love for your wife. And over time, because you made promises and you did not keep them, you showed her by your actions that your addictions, your drinking, your anger, your rage was far more important than her heart. So of course she drifted away. You pushed her away. She didn't drift away, You shoved her away, And every time you'd make a promise and break it, you pushed her harder and further, and now her heart is gone. If you want to save your marriage, which I don't think you can, but if you want to try to save your marriage, work on you. Go to AA. If you need to get help, go to a support group for anger issues, talk to a counselor talk to a pastor or somebody that you trust. Talk to your brother or your barber, or whoever you trust that you can talk to, and get this toxic anger out of your heart and out of your life. Perhaps, as you truly change, maybe her heart will soften. But even if she doesn't, you still need to change, dude. For you, you still need to become a better human being. So focus on you, focus on healing you, and then see if magic might happen again. Good luck, God bless you. If you need some book title ideas, I can point you in the right direction.

Okay, God bless.

Tonight's Delilah's dilemma, says Hi Delilah. I'd like your advice on how to help her encourage my son. He is twenty three and he is stuck in a rut. He graduated high school four years ago. He attended community college but didn't finish school wasn't easy for him. He does have a job, it's the same job had in high school. The hours vary so it's not even full time. I'm worried for his future and his ability to support himself. He doesn't show any interest in a specific field, nor seem to have any ambition or motivation to change his situation. My husband and I both work, and we both have a strong work ethic, so it's upsetting to see him not having a clue on where or how to start his life. I know all parents say this, but he really is a very good person. He is smart, funny, caring, has a great personality. My husband and I go back and forth on how best to help him, and then we end up arguing about it. Are ultimatums the only way to proceed. I don't want my son to be forty years old and living in my basement. What would you do? That's a darn good question, and I will I will share my lack of advice. Coming up next Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a couple who have a twenty three year old living at home in the basement, not motivated to do anything. What you left out is probably, while he is living in my basement, he's playing video games all day and all night, or he's watching TikTok all day in all night, or he's watching foreign soap operas all day in all night. How do I know that? Because I have two adult children doing the same thing, and I don't have any words of advice for you, I don't know how to get young people unstuck. I was so eager to get out of my parents' house. I was so eager to set the world on fire. I blew out of my parents' house the day I graduated high school. I couldn't wait to start my life and do fun and exciting things. So just like you, I don't get people who don't have that, who don't have that drive or that desire. And like I said, I have young adults, children in the same age group as yours doing the same thing or not doing the same thing. And what do you do?

I don't know.

Maybe somebody listening has some good advice. They've gone through it and come up with a way to help their child to reach their full potential, whatever that looks like. If you have good advice for this listener and for me, please write to me. Go to my Facebook page and write to me. In the meantime, I think I'm going to start filling my basement up with my chicken collection. I have ceramic chickens, and I think maybe if I just start moving my art supplies and my ceramic chickens into the.

Bay, maybe they'll get the clue.

Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a sister who wants to have a relationship with her other sister that doesn't quite know how to go about it. She says, Hi, Delilah, I listen to your show all the time and absolutely love your inspiring words. I'm in need of a little guidance a few years ago, my sister and I rekindled our broken relationship. She is very active at a church my husband and I attend regularly. Recently, I'm feeling that she's not treating us fairly. For example, we got into an argument at Christmas time because the meal reimbursement I receive for volunteer work was late. She used to always sit with us when we would go to functions along with her adorable son. Now they set with her friends instead. In fact, she spends more time with her friends than with her family, and I'm feeling very hurt over this. I haven't mentioned any of this to her because it will probably start another argument. I don't want to lose my sister again. Please help me, all right, sister friend, I'm going to have my mother Delilah words for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a woman who wants a relationship with her sister but doesn't quite know how to go about that. And you say you got into an argument at Christmas time over a meal reimbursement. Really, you guys are arguing over things like that. If you want a relationship with your sister, then enter into a real relationship, and a real relationship does not have expectations, it doesn't have parameters. You don't say I will love you if or I will love you when you say I love you, I love you, I love hanging out with you. I'm not gonna argue over something as petty as a meal reimbursement, whatever that means. Don't argue over petty stuff. In fact, don't argue at all. If you feel like you're starting to argue, just hold your tongue and walk away and say I love you. Because if you want a relationship and you want to feel connected, then you're going to have to set aside petty grievances, silly nonsense like anger about meal reimbursements, jealousy about who she sits with, and just accept her for who she is and lover for who she is, and spend as much time as you can with her as she is. If you can do that, if you can just love unconditionally and without parameters or expectations, then I think you'll be able to rebuild your relationship. I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share more with you each weekday on Hey, It's Delilah do lo

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