Hell, I Suck at Dating with Dean Angler and Dared Haven and I heard radio podcast. Hello everyone, welcome to help. I Suck at Dating. I am Jared Haven, joined always by Dean. That is Dean Anglert coming somewhere from the beach close by. You're recording from your van. I am in my van. I am not at the beach though, I'm at a lake. Okay, because you said waves, we might hear waves in the background. Yeah, there's like, well it's a big lake, so there's like, you know, I was about to say, that's some lake, giant waves crashing in. UM. So obviously we are a podcast that mostly talks about the world of dating. UM. I think Dean and I like to think of us as an escape podcast where you guys laugh with us, probably more accurately at US. UM. But UM. Of course, both Dean myself want to talk about everything that's kind of currently happening in the world. UM. It's it's impossible to ignore and we don't want to ignore it. UM. Dean has been vocal on social media, so have I, and I think we both have thoughts about it. UM and UH. We have drs Major, who we've had on before he's um for a marriage boot camp. Uh, and we will also have Jubilee. Jubilee from the Bachelor franchise will also be on the podcast later on. But first, I think, uh, it's probably appropriate Dean if you and I um kind of give our opening thoughts about what's happening in the world right now. UM. I think for me, it's just it sucks, you know. I mean, I don't think there's any other way for me to put it. Besides it just it sucks that we're here, that that we're at a point where the pro test uh and everything it had to happen, it was coming to a head. Um, and UM, it's it's it's disheartening. There's a lot of moments, there's a lot of there's a lot of inspiration out there, people coming together all across the country, all across the world, coming together for a common cause, the right cause, uh, to stop racism, to stop police brutality towards the black community. UM. But for me, I think it's just disheartening that that it took so long that we had to get to this point in order for it to happen. Yeah, I mean I echo most of that as well. I think we're in obviously a situation where we're kind of you know, we're not directly affected by this because we are white. H And everything that we see is uh, you know, people of color, black people specifically, and honestly, I think it's like the fact that the events that were necessary to get us here obviously are terrible, uh An you'redeemable, but the fact that now it's like the you know, people are finally rising up and protesting uh for obviously hopefully peacefully more than anything else, which isn't always the case. But it's nice that change is finally taking place too. And with the stuff you know regarding um, some of these murders, it's like the murderers themselves are finally getting charged, Like those four cops are are getting charged more appropriately now, I think because of these protests. And so it's like it's nice to see change coming about because of people finally putting their foot down and uh and enacting some of that change. Uh. You know, like we said, or like I said earlier, sometimes it becomes un peaceful, and you hate to see that, but again, you know, it's just in order for the for there to be like monumental institutional change. It needs to be great action taken um, and that comes with the protests. Uh. And it's yeah, yeah, it's crazy to see. It's just like man um keeps throwing these curveballs, not just at at at one group of people, but everyone. It seems like, you know, everyone in America is affected by this right now. Uh. Hope hopefully has long term effects, long term positive effects. It's my my one, like pet peeve or caveat with this type of stuff is you know, we haven't seen that. We haven't We've already seen this before. I guess that's what I'm saying. We've seen these protests, We've seen these um. I don't think we've seen anything like this before institutional change. I mean you could go back to like the l A Riots of whatever the nineties and even back to the to the fifties, uh in Alabama and like that. But I'm sorry for my language, but uh, I guess my my hope is that it's not just uh okay, that was a week ago and now let's kind of move because that's you know, our attention spans are so short in everything, with everything in life. UM, so hopefully this is finally the one that's like, Okay, this is going to keep things front of mine for a long time, enough time to actually institute change into the you know, into this system is institutionally whatever it is. Yeah, but that means that means to be obviously No, I I agree. I mean it's just I also mean disheartening by the amount of footage that you see, um from cops just brutally going after some of these protesters, and it's just it's overwhelming. It's sad. I think we need a huge discussion about policing in general. Um. Not to say there aren't good cops out there. I don't want to make this a cop bashing uh spiel, but there are obviously a lot of bad people who are cops. There's a lot of great people that are cops. You know. I have family and friends, um that that serve and protecting. They're good people and they do their job right. But as we've seen, and as we've known for a very long time, there's a lot of racism, and uh, it is institutionalized and it's ingrained in our society, and it has to change and it has to end. Um. And you know, I kind of look introspectively at my own white privilege because we talked about you know, you and I both white, um, both like you know, middle class, and uh, you know, we've never whenever the cops show up, we feel safe. You know, I feel safer when the cops show up. I could never imagine a situation where I would be out of place and the cops would be there and I would feel more in danger. And unfortunately, that's a reality of black people. You know, what black people have to go through, um to be like, is this you know, is this cop gonna put a knee in my neck? And that's a sad, sad reality. And I think, you know, as a sports fan, I think about what Colin Kaepernick did a few years ago and how people just completely misconstrued what he was doing. And it was frustrating back then, and I wish I had more of of just frankly courage to articulate my thoughts because I was, uh, you know, as someone even for me, I stand for the national anthem, but I would never tell someone that they couldn't peacefully protest or or or they wouldn't have the right to kneel, you know, in protests of police brutality towards the black community. Um, And so you know, I wish I spoke up more back then, but now, you know, it just feels like And the reason I'm saying that is because, of course today I don't know if he saw the comments by Drew Brees, but uh, he just of course they asked him if they, you know, because of these protests, do you think kneeling will kermore in the NFL again this year? And then he I was saying that, you know, he doesn't agree with people who kneel, um, you know, because in his mind, it's you know, uh, pretty much spitting on the flag. And you know, he talked about his own experience when he listens to the national anthem and he listens to you know, that song being played and he has a hand over his heart and he thinks about his grandfathers and his great grandfathers and everything they fought for for his rights and his freedoms. And while he's not wrong, why don't you think of the Black commune to and what they're great grandfathers and grandfathers who fought alongside yours had to endure back then, you know, because they fought for a country and when they got back, they got back to segregation, you know, and I think as someone as a white person, you just don't think about that, right, you know, and not to say that your great grandfather, your grandfather didn't you know, didn't fight, or that they're horrible people. But you also have to just not make it about yourself right now. And I think that's what I'm trying to do, is just not make it by myself, even though all I'm doing is talking right now. So it seems counterintuitive, but I guess having a podcast, that's what we're supposed to do. But well that I think about this podcast and what I'm excited for it is it's not just gonna be two stupid white dudes talking the entire time. We are going to have, like you said, dr Ish, who is a black man, come on his on the podcast and share his thoughts. Um. You know, he he has been on like you said before, and he uh works primarily in the dating realm. But the he's still gonna, I I imagine, he's still gonna have some very insightfuling things to do. And that's what's gonna be great about it is we we can just shut up and listen because we don't have to. We don't have the ability to to put ourselves in his shoes or another black man's shoes, So it'd be nice and hopefully informative educational. But I think we have him on the phone before we before we jump onto the phone with him though, Um, should we take a quick break and then we'll get back to it. That sounds great to me, man, I'll be back all right. Welcome back to help I suck at dating. We have a great guest is currently on the line right now. You of course know him for marriage boot Camp. It is doctor is major Doctor. Thank you so much for joining us again. We really appreciate it, appreciate you guys having me back. Man, I hope you're all doing well. We're doing We're doing well. How are you doing? How are you doing during this time? You know, a friend of mine asking me this question, um a week or so go, and it really it really caught me off guard because normally my my answer as the doctor, and it's like ACTU said, I'm doing fine, let's focus on you, you know, um. But when they asked me that, I was like, wow, you know, I was like, actually today I wasn't I wasn't doing that great. You know, because I grew up, I grew up or in black and South Carolina, and so all of the things that go along with that. And I'm kind of recounting in my head all of the all of the near misses, you know, all of those, all of those stops that that weren't as routine as they could have been. And how about to share grace of God, I kind of made it out and all of those and and so it's like, um that the the idea of a group trauma is real. And so when somebody else goes through something similar, you know, you you can't help but think about, Wow, you know I was there too, and something as real as what's been going on this last week. You really kind of made me stop and kind of reprocessed some of that. And so it's it's a there's a lot happening, you know. Yeah, it's overwhelming. Uh. And you know, uh, as as a white person, I've been looking introspectively at myself and and and you know, figure out you know, how I feel about everything, and it's just it seems like day after day, you know, getting hit with something else and something new. Um, and uh, but it's it was certainly you know I said at the beginning of the podcast, it's it sucks that we're at this point. But also and and Dean reflected these thoughts as well. Um, I'm glad it's happening, the protests, the peaceful protests, like and it's inspiring to see all around the country. Um, and that's something you know you've seen in Los Angeles, Boston, Providence, Chicago, New York. Uh. Down you know, I'm trying to think of down South protest, but I know there's been hundreds Atlanta and Atlanta, and not just and not just here, they're protesting new zeilings in Germany, in Paris. It's like, hey, it's a human thing. At the end of a day, it's a human thing. And I heard you mentioned in earlier it's it's a perfect storm. Right. So we've got we're coming out of we're in the midst of this pandemic. I can't leave home. Uh, some of those places and people and things that I have grown comfortable with, I can't have access to. And now we add to that for those of us who had to had to take the economic here. Right, So now not only do I not have access, but even if I did have access, money is not coming in luck it used to. And then on top of this we got got the George Floyd stuff and so it was the perfect storm. The powder keg. Everything just grow over and it's like everybody's house is on fire and burning down, you know. And so this is one of those times where your house is on fire. What's the first thing you do? You look to protect from that the most valuable? Right? Yeah, family? Who who Who's in the house. Let's make sure we get out. Okay, Okay, what else do I need that it's a value? Okay, car keys because I'm need to go someplace. Wallet, money, gonna need that. Well, you look, you grabble into those things that are value but that you can carry with you and carry close. So I think we've all been realizing that the human thread that runs through all of this is that we are really starting to realize what are those things that are that I value with like and why you know, Like I said, you know, and that's a that's a conversation you don't really have with other folks who look like you and think like you. That's a conversation to have with yourself and then see how you come out on the other side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and dr as you are in Atlanta, right, I'm close. I mean I mean Greenville, an upstate in South Carolina, so about two hours from Atlanta. And I know you mentioned there have been some protests over there. We've you know, uh, in l A. We've been seeing our fair share of the protests as well. Um, what what are your thoughts on all that stuff? So, I mean, obviously it's great to get out there peacefully protest. And it seems like Jared I talked to a little bit about this before we had you to hop on, it seems like this, uh, this time around, because it's not the first time we've seen these peaceful protests for racial justice, racial equality, all that kind of stuff, but it seems like this one is a little bit, uh, there's more going on with it this time, right, So you know, from your perspective, what are your thoughts on? I guess that whole whole realm, the whole thing that's going on, just the protests in general, and how they compared to the past protests. Yeah, I think if we look at the history, right, um, at the history of where we've come as a country, and and and some of the dark beginnings obviously when we talk about your slavery than Jim Crow and you know, and some of the things that that that you guys could do that I couldn't back there. Um, you know, so the first protests there were ten people, and then the second protests there were thirty, and then the fourth they were fifty. If you look at the protests in the six weeks there was you know, there were hundreds, if not thousands, but most of them, most of us back then had the same colored skin. If you look at the protests to you know, in in the nineties, and you know when when things started jumping off in ninety two in l a same kind difference, little more aware and said, you look like, now it's everybody out there. Man, it's it's men, it's women, it's black folks, it's white folks, it's older folks, it's younger folks. Because, like Matt Jared mentioned, with this perfect storm, the one thing that we are all thinking about now is how very human and how very connected we all are. Right, the thing that affects me affects you. COVID nineteen drove that point home. If I don't wear a mask, I could hurt you. Hey, if I'm not being If I'm not as aware as I need to be, not only is gonna hurt me, but it could affect the guy next to me. And so I think that's the difference. It's the differences in the amount of numbers, the amount of awareness. Thank God for social media, thank God for cameras with phones, and so it's harder to escape the reality in retreat back to our favorite place and our favorite coups. Right in nineteen sixty five, we would have known about this. We would have heard about it, maybe on the news, but we wouldn't have had the image, we wouldn't have had the visual that goes with it, and everybody wouldn't know it at the same time. And so that's the difference. Man. It's just it's just a matter of being aware. Um, it's a matter of being aware and being willing to not look away and saying, hey, you know what, I may not know what to do about it, I may not know how to fix it, but yeah, that's messed up, an you take the next thing step. Yeah. I have a love hate relationship with Twitter because I mostly say I don't like Twitter because it just seems like it's all arguments and hate, and you never get anything accomplished because one person is saying one thing and another person is arguing with another thing, and they just do counterpoint after counterpoint and nobody ever agrees on anything. But then situations like this happened, where what what would have happened if that George Floyd video never came out? Nothing? Well, even even the mont are very thing like that, the thing that the murder of a mond arevery that happened in February and it didn't get any traction or recognition until April because some actually you know, own the video and uncovered it and started sharing it. And that's that's the power of social media, I guess. And what's what's crazy to think too is I've been thinking this a little bit. Is the protest now are crazy that people turning out in incredible numbers, uh, And that's with the pandemic going on, Like there are still people that are that are scared to leave their house that would be at the protests if the pandemic wasn't happening, which would even uh bolster the numbers even more. It's just I don't know, it's crazy that the amount of I guess the the the activism is, uh, you know, there'll always be more, and I think we could always wish for like more to be happening. But the fact that there are there do seem to be so many activists this time. Um, And as you said, Dr, is the numbers continue to grow, start at ten and twenty fifty d um. So that's it's always a good thing, you know, it's it's it's change takes time and it's not gonna happen overnight. But from this, from this perspective, it's nice to see. And the other thing and the other thing, Dean. The other thing, guys is, look at the look at the amount of young people who are out there, right. But young young folks are like, listen, you know, we we play sports together, we go to school together, we are we're we're all in these things. Clubs we share together, we play soccer together. We date, you know, we date each other. And so this is, you know, it's it's it's a lot harder to convince them that there's something different about each other than it was to convince us of that three or for years. Dr. I. We also want to you know, everybody wants to be more aware, and everybody wants to help as much as they can. So what resources, Um, is there any resources that you can share with us that you think would really help. Absolutely? Absolutely, that's the This is the this is the hard conversation that we never want to have, right, We've all got we've all got white friends and black friends and Asian friends and Indian friends. But you know, there are certain conversations we typically avoid, and so this is this is one of those hard conversations. But like every hard conversation, it's not as hard as you think, if there's a willingness to just go there and understand. It's like in relationships, guys. People don't get into trouble in their relationships because they don't know how to resolve the issue. People get into trouble in their relationships because you never acknowledged the issue in the first place. Just you hearing me and me hearing you. We may not ever agree, but just in knowing that you were heard goes towards the way of fixing the problems. So a great resource is YouTube and go to YouTube. And if you're a white, black, brown, Asian, blue, purple, whatever you are, go to YouTube and type in the name Jane Elliott and spend the next thirty minutes listen to this woman educate us and really dive deep on just pointing out some of the things that are around us, like dustinate here, but that we never see. She was an amazing educator, brilliant woman, but um older Caucasian woman, but her insights into race in America and what we can do right, because it's like, for for us, right, the black folks were in the water and we're in the river and we're drowning, and it's like somebody helped me, right, So Jared, you and Dean come by in the boat and you're like, hey, that guy's drowning. Let's throw my life safe. Great, great, now I'm not drowning, but don't drive off, give me right, put me in the boat, give me out of Hey, could you just give me back to shore, you know? And so for me, and so for the folks who are feeling it right, who are feeling really threatened, what you can do is never enough. And then for the folks who aren't feeling threatened, it's like what I can do is never enough? So why I stuck? So so forget all of that. Right, everything counts and the main thing is just being willing to say to yourself, hey, you know, why do I Why do I think the things I think about this place, this person, that thing? What? Why do I think that? Why is that? Okay? Who taught me? How did they? Just really examine it. You may come out on the other side and say, hey, you know what, I'm cool, I think about it. It's working for me. I'll stick with it, Greig, But at least be willing to have the conversation with yourself. And I think Jane Elliott, she she packages it in such a way that lets you know that anything you do is enough. Right. We don't have to be out there in the street carrying a sign and risking, you know, risking life and live them. You can do something much more quiet, something much more reserved. You can have a conversation with yourself. You can have a conversation with two people who are close to you and say, hey, you know what, I think this is kind of messed up. What do you what do you think? Again, We're not You're not trying to convince everybody to come onto one side or other, like you said on Twitter. Point counterpoint is just being aware. It's just simply being aware. That there are differences in the way we have moved through this life. You know, I think a lot of a lot of white folks at times like these look at the race conversation as an invitation to feel less good about the things I've accomplished in life. This is not what that is. Right. Yes, you have a right to feel good about who you will. You have a right to feel good about the way your life is turning out. You got a right to feel good about what you've accomplished. Me. Because here's the other thing, All time hard List two. Yeah, everybody's a hero in their own story. You've got demons you have to overcome, you got dragons you had to slay. Yours ain't no figure than mine. Blacks are just saying, hey, in addition to those demons, imagine if you had to do it while being black, Heath. And so it's just a matter of a weirdness, right, this is a matter of saying, hey, yeah, okay, I totally get it. And just the fact that you see me and you feel something that goes a long way dr issue or a wise man, my friend, and we really appreciate you coming on. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Man. So it's it's one of those times. This is the time we got to wrap arms around each other. Man. It's like that Whold Wrong Dospel. We're all just walking each other home. Well, you know, Dr Ish Major, everybody again, doctor, thank you so much for joining us, and I will certainly between you guys and I'll post on my Instagram about Jane Elliott linked to to her YouTube. Yeah right, very very important to you. Guys are willing to have the conversation. Man, so my appreciation for that. Okay, thank you, Dr Yep. Thanks, welcome back to help I suck at dating. We have a wonderful guest who's currently on the line with us right now. Now you know her from the Bachelor franchise. It is, of course, Jubilee Sharp. Jubilee, thank you so much for joining us. If you guys don't remember, Jubilee, she was on Ben Higgins season of The Bachelor. You were also on Bachelor in Paradise a couple of times, and you also were in the military and you spent eight years serving. So thank you so much for your service. Jublie. How are you, um? Well, in light of what's going on right now, it could be better, but um, I'm safe. I'm healthy. I'm not I'm happy. Yeah, I mean we wanted you on the podcast. Truthfully, you are only um, you know, uh, there's only a few uh contestants of color in the Bachelor franchise, and and we wanted you on to see how you're doing and see how you're feeling during during these times. Yeah, I think everyone's a little um upset, um riled up, confused. I just think everyone, I don't know, I think this is a lot to take in for both parties, White, black, everyone who's never seen something like this before or hasn't wanted to see something like this before. It's just as you can see, like based on the riots and the protesting, it's a really difficult time right now. Yeah, it's it's really difficult. And uh, I think like for me and and Dean and I kind of talked about this earlier. You know, we've always known that we've had white privilege, you know, and and it's that word gets thrown around on and you know, I've always recognized that, but I don't think I've recognized to the level, uh, that we've ever had it. And you know we're talking about this earlier. Whenever cops would show up, I would immediately feel safer, and that's unfortunately not the case for the black community. And UM, you know we're seeing it now being played out with protests and and hopefully change is coming. UM, but just kind of wanted to get your thoughts on that. UM. I think that UM. In terms of white privilege, I think a lot of times like people that, um, white privilege mixed up with the just privilege, and there are two very separate things privilege. I think anyone can have privilege. We can all be born into rich families whatever, be well off, not have to worry about food and or not. But white prilege is specific privileges that are afforded to you because of the color of your skin. So it's simple things like being pulled over and not immediately putting in your hands on the death toward because you're in your head thinking, I don't know if I'm going to get away with my life like this, and if I something does happen, it's his word against mine. White privilege is being able to show up to a workplace with the hair that naturally sprouts out of your head and not have it called unprofessional, because that is and it's all something that's going on in California. Laways passed that literally states that black people are allowed to wear the hair that naturally sprouts out of their hair head. And I think that's insane. That's just a couple of instances of white privilege. But I think that people a lot of times don't want to acknowledge it. But I'm not saying that we're not privileged, because I'm very privileged. What I will never have is quite privileged. And I know that white people, you guys, can't help that you were born with white skin or born the color you war. All we want you to do is acknowledge it, because you can't help it. It's nothing that you can control. But at least you can do is acknowledge it. And that's I think all we want. And then the funny thing about that too, is because we had dr issh On before you as well, and he was talking about how, uh, the same exact thing that you're saying, acknowledgement and just having even that conversation about it too, because without even communicating with your friends, your peers, whoever it might be, that you are understanding of that itself, just in itself, then uh, you kind of go through life, I guess thinking, um, you know, I guess thinking what the other person is thinking too. So I think what's great about especially kind of the movement that's happening now, is it's a lot of over communication about that stuff too, you know, especially with with these protests that we see going on, it's a lot of people that are speaking up and speaking out. Um. You know. Obviously it's kind of kind of tricky because you see, like some it's like it's like lazy activism, I guess in a sense where people are taking a social media and uh being an ally, which is great, but it's also like what else are they doing to reinforce that? Um. But I think what what you're saying and what I'm agreeing with is the communication and the acknowledgement of that is is very very important. And I think a lot of people are understanding that now too. Um. White people in particular that are coming to the not the terms with it, but like I guess are willing to express outwardly that yeah, I'm I have white privilege and I understand that and yeah and I um, I think we realized that that might be a conversation that is uncomfortable to you guys, but listen, black people, we've been uncomfortable. So in my mind, I'm like, this is the least it can do. You can be uncomfortable for change because we've been living in discomfort, and UM, seeing what's going on, I just kind of realized and like, you guys haven't been hearing us, and now we're kind of demanding that you do. And I'm seeing that this demand for you guys to hear us, it's actually being heard now. And I think like in a lot of instances, Um, even what you were talking about people being allies allies, I think it's been a little frustrating because I think a lot of what is going on now and people align themselves with black people and you know, black lives matter and I stand up for you. It's kind of turned into a social trend, which is frustrating because I've seen in um, several instances that people that I have literally tried to have these conversations with. I've taken my day, like time out of my day to really like educate on this, and are the same people have told me. You know what, I just kind of think all lives matter or you know what happens to everybody in this world, what do you want me to do? I'm seeing now are the same people who all of a sudden are I stand with you and I'm sitting here. I'm like, well, you weren't standing with me three weeks ago when I was in your kitchen, which is frustrating, But you know, I think it's just kind of the spectrum between like being really happy even if it's not real that they are saying something because and uh, I don't know, like in the long run, and it does reflect positive on what, you know, what change we need to need to make, and then also being kind of like frustrated that the um like oppression of my people are struggles all of that are kind of being turned into this social social trend. Let's all posts black, you know, boxes, I don't I'm not even quite sure what that was, to be honest. And then it's like you see these chains here, it's like tag ten people, tag ten people, and it's like, what is this accomplishing? Like the the I guess inherent inherently it's like people are like, okay, uh, I'm an ally I want to make sure people know that, which is great, and they think what they're doing is helping, and maybe to a degree. It is like I think awareness is an important aspect of change, surely, but they're, like you said, they're the same people that I guess we're refusing not refusing help, but just uninterested in hearing your story, uh, and other people's stories before. It's like why now it's just I think it's kind of performative, I guess in a sense. Um. But the all Lives matter thing, it's funny because I remember, like I want to say, like seven years ago when I was in college, there was a you know, a brutal police uh murder of a black man, and the black Lives matter slogan was being thrown around, and I, as an ignorant twenty two year old, I was like, all lives matter? Why are you saying black lives matter? Uh? I remember in that movement, I was educated about black lives matter, and I was like, you know, I started to understand it. And so now, uh, with this especially black Lives Matter obviously being such a big movement just in this protest. Obviously it always is, but in this protest specifically, I see a lot of people retorting with the rebuttaling with while all lives matter. Uh. And I see a lot of people educating those people in the comments, and hopefully some of it's striking and actually hitting home for some of them. Um. But I think that's kind of another thing with uh, what's the word, just just awareness being raised for it. I guess you know what I mean. Um, but I don't know. It's it's it's it's unfortunate, but it's it's good to see some change happening, you know. Yeah, and those people need to be educated. Like I was with you, Dean, Like for a while, I was like, well, all lives matter. What I don't understand, and then you like I had to get educated to be like, no, you need to prioritize because, unfortunately, Jared, what you're not realizing is that you are white and there are people who don't get treated as fairly as you do, and you need to prioritize those people. And by saying all lives matter, you're not prioritizing them. Yeah. But um, Also, what a lot of people don't understand is when we say all lives matter, we are when people say black lives matter, we're literally trying to say all lives matter, because what we're telling you is that society is showing us that my life doesn't matter. So what I'm trying to um, you know, my protests is that all lives can't matter until my life matters, because that in itself doesn't make any sense. Until I am no longer you know, treated as less of a person because of the color of my skin, all lives literally cannot matter. That statement can't can't exist. And that's all I want people to understand. Like, we know all lives matter, and we know your life matters. It's literally been cramped down our throats since the beginning of time. We're not arguing that. What we're arguing is whether my life matters, because it's been shown time and time again that it doesn't. To believe. Obviously, you're known from you know, Ben season of The Bachelor, Bachelor in Paradise season three and four. I'm curious what are your thoughts on the underrepresentation of black people in the Bachelor franchise too, because do you think that's just uh like a micro cosm of America in general, or is it What are your thoughts on it? I guess I do, I do um. I think the Bachelor representation is very much uh perfect representation of colored people, African Americans in society. And here's why, Um, we as African Americans have always been seeing it's like supporting roles, like we're always the maids or we're always the best friend, the goofy, ratchet best friend, but we are never the lead characters. And the people of color on the Bachelor have always been treated as such. So this is like a revolving door of words versus lack of action because every year we get people on podcasts, interviews, all of that who complain about the lack of diversity on a Bachelor. So in turn, we have those producers who kind of hear that, they go, okay, well let us past some more people of color since people are complaining, they do that the safe pace, and so now you do have representation on a Bachelor. But then those people never make it past episode one, and if they do, they're lucky if they make it past episode three. And then you have those very few who do make it to like maybe episode five for god, who did a top five, But you never remember those people of color because the um, the lead is never actually interested in them, and so it creates like it's very uncomfortable. UM, environment where me as a person of color, it's hard to watch because you're pushing um, what was her name, Natasha up to top five. You know, the lead was never interested in her, and she gost swallowed up in all the people who the lead was interested in her. And now you have just showed her exactly what society thinks of her, which is she is a supporting role. She's a filler. That's what you have her on there for because the lead hasn't paid attention to her. He's busy shoving his you know, hung down the blonde um girl who always talk ship and causes troubles through. So it's like it's frustrating, but I think it speaks like exactly into how people of color are viewed in our society, which is billers Um supporting actresses or supporting roles, never the lead role. Though, So how do how do we change that? I think I think you really need to look at your leads because you can cast as many people of color on the show as you want, but if the lead is interested in it, And then I remember being on my season, people swore Ben was interested in me and was a great guy, like so nice, I meaning the man was not interested in me, and he was not going to be interested in me, and I need people who let that go. Okay, it wasn't gonna happen on the conservative Indiana and boy was never gonna be interested in the Blackboard veteran. So but that's not Ben's fault. You're attracted to to who you're attracted to. But I think the show and the producers and everyone who's involved in the logistics needs to really look at who they're casting. Is the lead, not just someone who says they date all races, but someone who really does and who has shown that they do, you know, has a background of showing that they do. Because I've seen people say, oh, yeah, no, I date black girls. I love black girls. I think Nick File was one of them. Sorry Nick, Have we seen them dat a black girl? Though? Have we? Okay, Rachel will be the only one that comes to mind. Yeah, And that's because yeah, yeah, but you really need to look at people's history and really look at those people who are interested in dating all types of color, because there are people out there, like I promise you, I've meant quite a few white boys who are like So. I think that's an interesting point that I've never actually heard made before. Incrrect me if I'm getting it wrong. But diversity on the show could even start from casting. You know, it might be a white lead that's actually interested in dating you know, black people and you know Asian people, doesn't matter what it is, I guess people of color, because then from that it'll actually build the genuine storyline around that love connection. Yeah, that's a that's an interesting ticket. Makes sense because these producers, they pushed these women and people forward just to say face. But we know, we know that, you know, we saw that was Ntasha. She was amazing. I do not know why she did not get more attention. She was un unproblematic, she was pretty, she was very well spoken, but we saw that she never got attention from what Peter Peter, And it was like frustrating because I'm like, there are many many men out there who would have been happy to bat her, you know, and who would have genuinely been interested in her. You just have to find them, and it might mean going out of your little bachelor comfort box that they like to do, which is you know, I'm sorry, but you guys are all pretty generic. The most generic human being you ever gonna find I am not a friend to say that. Yeah, like, really look at who you're picking and really and I think we've gotten to a place in the Bachelor where we realized that we um can kind of come outside the bachelor box. Like we saw that with Hannah Brown. She wouldn't have been that ideal um bachelor at pick in any other world. But we're kind of coming out of that box where we she needs to be wholesome, she needs to be seen as um, you know, have her all the way together, ready to marry. Like, we're kind of coming out of that. So why can't we come out of that when we you know, in all spectrums of how we cast So that's just what I think. It's definitely it's definitely a flawed system. It's one that I guess the reason that they do it is because it's proven to be successful, which says more bad things than good things in my opinion. Um, But I guess when I think about it too, it's like change doesn't happen overnight. You know, it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes I guess acknowledgement of it. But the thing is, I don't really see much effort being put into making that change like you. You know, I haven't been really been watching the Bachelor franchise. I sparingly watch it now. Before I was on the show, I didn't ever watch it, but uh, the lack of diversity now, I would imagine it's very similar to the lack of diversity you know, fifteen years ago. I'm sure that that that number hasn't shifted much. So I guess when you when at least, what I just said is change doesn't happen overnight, but it doesn't even seem like they're in acting the right thing, the right principles to even implement the change for future generations. Yeah, and that's what I was telling someone who asked me about it, is that, yeah, we're speaking about it, so it's a lot of words, but it's unsubstantiated by action. So all we're doing is every season we come out with podcasts, interviews, um what not about how oh there's no diversity on the show, But what are we really doing about it? We can speak up about it and do all the talking that we want, but unless we're backing those like words up by action, it really it's just the same thing every season, and it's just going to continue like that. Yeah, I don't know if change. I don't know if changed it takes time anymore. Like I think the past week has kind of proven to me maybe maybe change doesn't take time. Maybe we just need to make change happen. And that's exactly why I almost in and rep and I was like, actually, like a week, aldgo, change happens overnight. Yeah, I mean, Indean, I completely understand where you're coming from. But I think, just like what what we've witnessed over the past week, it's a lot has changed, and it's because people are being held accountable and forced to change. To argue that real quick, yes, a lot has changed over the past week, but it's still just a baby step on the spectrum of the actual change that we need to see. So I guess that's kind of my point is we're not gonna wake up and have things. You know, racial equality, uh, superfluous throughout all of America is not gonna happen tomorrow. The steps are being taken, but it's still it's just it's it's it's going to be a grind. No, you're you're Yeah. What people don't understand is the baby step is the biggest steps. Sometimes it's the most important step because you're coming from zero to no action too. Oh my gosh, finally something is happy. So I think the step we have made, it might be a baby step, but it's huge, and it might be the biggest step we ever made. I love to hear that. I think that's I think that's a fantastic way to look at it. I hope you're right, and it feels like it is like it. It feels like we're living through an historical moment right now. Um, Julie, before you go, I wanted you to have the last day. Is there anything else on your mind? In your heart? They want to get out there? Yeah, in terms of like what's going on, I think that, Um, I hope that people take the time to educate themselves and realize that as uncomfortable as they are right now, and how like people like you, sorry, white people as uncomfortable and it's like sad and like in disbelief that they are right now, this is how we have been for forever. And I know that you guys want to be educated and you want to learn all about this, but at the same time, it's not our jobs to do that. Education like, it's not our jobs to educate you, like we're sad, Like we're heartbroken right now and we can't be expected to be heartbroken, grieving and on top of that educating you on how to be a decent human being. So for all those people who do wanted education, do it yourself, Like, find ways to do it yourself. It's not even that hard. There's so many materials out there. So and listen, like you're like you said your friends earlier that you had encouraged to listen to you speak that tonight, I guess just weren't interested in in in hearing that listen. Listening is just as important as anything. So, um, yeah that was I mean, thank you for coming on. I appreciate, we appreciate the perspective. Uh, And everything that's going on is you know, we'll get through it. But I agree with what you're saying. I think it's beautiful to say that the baby step is the hardest step. Sometimes. I think that you're absolutely right. And hopefully this does lead to more, uh, I guess change. Yeah, that's all we can really hope for. And before you go, Jubilee, just because you're right, I think we need to all start educating ourselves. Are there any resources that you can think of at the top of your head that we can plug right now for people to go watch, go read? Um, there are you can google these books. I mean there's books out there. Google anything you want. You can google white privilege and find a book on that. Um, you can google black lives like anything like that. But just I think if you really care and you show that you really care, you have to take the time out of your day to show get really care by educating yourself. Because it's easy for you to just sit there while you're on your phone or just relax and watching TV and having someone like me tell you all about black lives and why you should care. But to really show that you really do, this is initiatives that you need to take yourself. And there's been there's been resources posts. I mean, I've seen so many people posting different resources, different pages to follow, different books to read, um podcasts, uh, movements, black lives Matter, all of that. So there's so many resources, But I think the biggest, the biggest thing is just listen, be there for your black friends, like understand it, like this has been happening, This isn't this might be new to you guys, but this isn't new to us. You guys have been killing us. Yeah, that's a strong statement and you're right, absolutely all right, you Belie, Thank you, thank you so much for joining us. You're absolutely uh fantastic. We will hopefully we can check in with you again soon. Yeah, thanks for talking to you guys. Yeah, of course, all right, and I think that's gonna do it for our episode this week. Thank you as always for tuning in to our podcast. Thank you, of course to our incredible guests dr Ish Major and of course Jubilee Sharp. And we also want to hear from you guys out there, so please sorry we didn't get to any emails, um, but please of course keep emailing us, letting us know how you're doing, your thoughts on everything that's occurring right now, uh, if you've joined any of the peaceful protests that are happening out there. Um. We we would love to hear from from everybody out there and suck Army, So Dean tell them what the email is. Email us at I suck It dating at iHeart media dot com. Anything, send us your thoughts, send us your feelings. It doesn't have to be dating related. It could be race related. It could be about protesting, it could be about anything. It could be about the apple pie you made yesterday. We just want to hear from you. Email us I suck a Dating at iHeart media dot Com. I hope this was insightful. I hope it was educating. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope everybody out there is staying safe. It's a crazy time we're living in right now. UM. But I don't know. I don't know what to add to it. You know, we've talked at length about it, Dean, do you have any final thoughts. I think we could take Jubilee's word uh uh more and I guess to heart is like she said, just listen, educate yourself. Um. I also I agree with her, don't lean on your black friends to educate you. Take it into your own hands and read things and discover things and learn things. Um and let's all just try to be a little bit better. That'll do it for this week's episode of help I Suck at Dating. Maybe next week we can all suck a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast