Hell I Suck a Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven and I Heart radio podcast What is going On? Suck Army. Welcome back to the newest episode of Help I Suck at Dating, The first episode where there is no football coming up at the end of this week because the Kansas City Chiefs just beat the San Francisco forty Niners in a football game. I don't think any of you really care about that. I doubt that, which would probably move on. But how do you guys feel about that? How did that impact your relationships? It was fun watching the Super Bowl? What did you guys do? Would you watch? Do you have a party? I went to a friend's party. Actually funny, I went to a friend's party. I haven't drank alcohol since I broke my leg. I had five white claws and I was very, very drunk. Well, five white claws would do it to anybody. I feel like, well, my white clauses get me drunk. That's like five bud lights. Basically, yeah, that would get me drunk. No way, Oh yeah, I'm a light way. Anyways, I got I got very drunk. I was very hung over the next day for my physical therapy. So all in all, is a successful Super Bowl. I think I just watching at home, had a few friends over. Dean was invited, but he shows somebody else. I was at there for the championship game. He was there for both games, so he was at our place for seven hours. I'm sorry. I wish I could be in two places at once, but I just don't have that ability yet me too. Super Bowl Sunday was fun. Uh the game was okay. I thought the last few minutes before because you were I know, I wanted to choose to win. I was bored for like three quarters. I thought. I thought it was a pretty it was an okay game, and then I thought the last uh seven minutes of the game was really good when Casey started coming back, and then I just really my only wish came true. So I was pretty happy. I wanted the ball in Jimmy G's hands at the end of the game because I want to know what Jimmy G is and what he's not. Let's just figure this out. Is he the next guy Ken? Should he have been the air apparents Town Brady? Was he going to drive his team down the field of the game on the line or was he not? And he didn't and he failed, so now we have no offense. I mean, he's he's a very good quarterback. But I think, you know, when when the game's on the line and the bright lights are the brightest, I don't know, it's still up in the air with mm alright. Halftime show thought, oh my god, A lot of that was revolutionary. It was great. I was pretty drunk at that point. I was like, well, j Loo and Shakira are crushing this right now. You know what's you know what surprised me the most about the halftime show. When I think about it, I think more of Shaquira. And if you have told me j Low versus Shaquira, my god, of course jo is gonna win ten on a ten times. You would have liked to have seen more of Shakira, you're saying, or no, I thought Shakira sold show, Okay. I thought Shaquira was uh, I don't want to say better than jail j. It was awesome. But like when I think of the halftime show, they were both great, but I think Shaquira was like six. I think that she Wolf might be one of the best music videos ever produced. I'm more of a hit stone lie that when She's in the mud. I was like twelve years old that music video came out. Is it very he became a man that had become a man that day of my friend. Yeah, I was nineteen when She Wolf came out, and as a man already, I was very appreciative of it. Anyways, cool story brown, Yeah, I thought it was great. And commercials that stood out in your mind? What would you like? Well, obviously the Brady commercial just because that hit home because he posted so he posted a picture on Instagram that black and white woe with no caption. Is he walking onto the field? Is he walking off the field? Is this is a retirement post? Is he leaving? Is he's staying? No one new? And then after like a day, I was like, this is definitely a Super Bowl ad. Sunday's gonna come. It's gonna be commercial. I don't really like it. I yeah, just because don't like in the commercial he's like, I want everybody to know my friends, my family, most importantly my fans. And I was like, come on, bro, like I I care, Like, don't don't just string me along, you know, So if you're gonna go, go refress me what happened? So he he had a commercial saying that he's coming back to continue commercial. He made an announcement that his new team is Hulu dot Com. He was like, I want every He was walking on to Gillette Stadium and he's like, you know, they all say good things have to come to an end, and I just wanted to tell like my friends and my family and most importantly my fans. And then it was like this build up and then Hulu is offering that, you know, and then you got a lot of got paid a lot of My mean, you look like a damn stud. We had an argument within the household who's hot or Jimmy Garoppolo or Tom Brady. I agree, I think I think Jimmy's a little over hyped. He's a good looking guy, but he's not like the all end what is it, uh we all end all hottest guy in football. He's a good he's very good looking. Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy looks like traditionally maybe like if you Tom Brady looks better with age, I will say I'm gonna show you if he doesn't. If you look at if you look at when he was like training in college, He's no, he's not have it. Jimmy's got this weird, like sideways smirk, like he's like the I don't know, I saw the Hulu commercial. Look at that. Look at that man, it's in black and white. Jimmy actually, and I'm not a huge fan of Jimmy. Actually do not like the forty Niners at all. But I will say because you're the forty Niners beat your favorite packers. No, not at all. I just have always grown up hating the Giants and the four Niners with a passion. Why it's just I mean, I'm kind of from up there too, so like it is a little weird, but Lakers and Dodgers have my heart. Yeah, well, how does that compute to you? Just hating the forty Niners and Giants so random? My whole family is like huge, diehard Dodgers. Listen, it doesn't matter San Francisco Giants. Yeah, oh so San France in general. That makes sense right over there. I want to say it's early, but it's it's not. So any other commercials stick out. I have the top five from the USA Today ad meters interested Jason Momo when it's pretty good. I thought that was really good too. It's a little creepy, but good. It was weird. Yeah, oh, I have what I know my favorite Okay, and I guarantee I know the number one on that list. Okay, do you want me to guess? Please do? It's Bill Murray's Groundhogg number one on the lift. That was definitely the best commercial people getting paid whatever you got paid for that, it was worth it because it was fantastic Bill Murray, because it was groundhog Day. You recreated the movie groundhog Day with original cast, mean birth and I thought it was fantastic. They had thirty million views in one loves Loves loves that movie. I was really excited to screp it. I don't remember that one. I'll be honest with you. Have you seen the movie groundhol Day? I good, maybe a little before my time. And I say that as not the youngest person in the room. Anyways, that was number one, smart poc, which I thought you would have enjoyed. Oh my god, how could I have polm for guy? That was number two? You could pocket Fenway dot Chester Salthie. I don't remember that one. I told you too many white claws. Man. Look at this guy, he fit in this pocket spot. Don't be a smarty pants Chris, Oh, it's so sounds funny. Don't be saying you haven't seen the commercials. So it's Chris Evan, John Krasinski, and Rachel Drafts all from Boston. And then it's a Hondai commercial and John Krasiski's parking. They're like, hey, you were gonna fit in that spot, and he's like, watch me, I got smart pock what smock And then he's like, you could pock that. You can pock that anyway? Fenway, Yeah, dot Chester, Yeah, Eastcast and then big poppies upstairs. Yeah, I have no idea. Yeah, I just was. I was hoping that Brady would walk through it too, because then it would just be like Euphouria getting all Boston sports. Number three was the Google commercial where the old man talks about all the remembers about Loretta. I was. I've seen it three times. It's the song. The song was also his voice, the voice of an old man who has lived a good life and it has Alzheimer's and is forgetting about his dead wife. Oh my god, the dad. But he's got a smile on his in his voice that he it's fond memories. He's not like weeping and remembering his wife. He's just remembering all the things she loved. That's why it makes it so sad. Yes, Gallops, don't remember that one. You don't remember just like the husband. It's so sad. And you know what's really weird about that commercial? So they had that commercial which was like two minutes long and had everybody crying, and then the very next commercial was Rick Flair. Did you see that? It was like this emotional, heart wrenching commercial with Google where everybody's like, oh my god, why are you doing this to me? And then I media the next commercial is Rick Flair going, and I was like, that's a weird transmission. Wrestler Okay, number four was cool Ranch to read it with a little nos action. Sam Elliott Showdown. I don't remember that one. And the last one was Jason Momoa, which you mentioned that he was like he got home from working, he took all his big sexy muscles off and sat down and he was like trying to bench at the end and he was I don't remember what they were selling me, but Rocket mortgage, remember right, that's a good point if you don't remember what they were felling wasn't a good commercial? Probably not, because Rocket Mortgage is not leaving the mind when I think of Jason were taking us off? You make a good point, and Hulu is the first down Brady's mind because everybody's like, oh it was a Hulu commercial. Everybody knows what the pot here. Here's a little bit of a show me photos man Loretta? Remember Loretta hated mustache? And you don't have throw old memories that Google will remember for what? Because he can't that old man's voice? Did you ever see Ready Player one I loved? I can't remember the name the guy that created the oasis? I think I think that's the same guy that did the voice for that, right, Um, it's the guy who created is the guy from LBG or yeah? Um? Oh my godways his name? He's the guy from Bridges Spies with Tom Hanks. He plays the Mark Rylands thank you. I don't know, I don't know. He does sound like him anyways, what were you guys? His favorite commercials? Email us I suck a dating at iHeart media dot com. Do you remembers none of them? We would love to hear them so I could google them when I get home and watch them. On YouTube. Um, we got a great episode for you guys today. We have dr Ish Major coming in is from Marriage boot Camp Reality Stars and he is going to help us in our relationships. That's a great segment. You're definitely not gonna want to miss it. Did you do your homework? We both did our homework. Well, We're assigned three questions to answer about the relationships. They can go over with dr Ish. Yes, three very challenging questions that are definitely gonna get both of us in trouble when we answer them live on air on our podcast, So stay tuned for that. You're not gonna want to miss it. Dr Ish is phenomenal and he is going to be able to tell everything that he knows. We're also gonna answer some emails at the end of the episode, as we usually do. We got some juicy breakup texts and maybe we're going to disagree on some things, and honestly, we're disagree on some things. So stay tuned and we're going to be right back right after this break. Hello Stuck Army, welcome back to help I suck a dating with very special guests that was in studio right now. You will recognize him from Marriage boot Camp reality stars. He is a doctor certified side chiatrists who specializes as women, children, families, and all things dating, mating and relating. He was named the Prestige on the Prestigious List of America's I'm gonna really hand this up. You were named on the Prestigious list of America's top psychiatrists for the last three years, and you were recognized by the International Association of Healthcare Professionals as one of the leading physicians in the world. It is dr ish, major, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, guys, how'd you like that intro? Not fantastic? I like that. I got a couple of correct phenomen who he is. But first of all, can we all say that the word prestigious real quick? How do I say? You say prestigious? No, I said prestigious. And then also at the very end you said leading physicians in the world. That can't be there. That's not right, right, leading psychiatrists physicians? Okay, okay, so Dean, you're correcting yourself. Thank you very much. Anyways, welcome to the studio. Doctors. Happy to have you. Not normally do we have such qualified guests, so it's great to have you in here. Obviously you come from the same world as us. Didn't didn't you do marrige Bootcam? Now I almost a marriage bootcamp? Okay, but so Jaden Tanner had done marriage Bootcam, and so you're the host of that show. Correct? How long have you hosted for? Oh man, this is going to be season eleven for me hosting Woe it goes fast. I've heard from Tanner and Jade it is a difficult experience to say. It is not what you think, right because most shows you can show up and kind of be you. But for our show, you got to show up and be you, and then you got to go deeper, which takes a lot, because it's true stories about who you are and where you're struggling, where I may be weak, and because of that, where we may be weeks. It's it's a lot. So for the lesser informed myself and the audience that might not have seen the show to give us a quick rundown on exactly what happens. So what we do is we will take your favorite reality stars, we bring you in for a relationship boot camp, and it is couples therapy like no other couples therapy. You've ever seen. It is intense. We take the first five days and we break you down and we beat you up, as Jaden Tanner will the test too, and then the last five days we build you back up, and on day ten you make your decision, your final decision do we leave together or do we leave apart? And and it's good. So it's just like a very long, extended intense therapy session. It is, it is, but it's but it's not traditional. Therapy is very non conventional. We've got you doing drills and running from dogs and jumping in lakes, and you want to get into the break right exactly. We want you to experience the emotion of it so we can see how that plays out in your relationship. Then when I see that now I can help. I remember watching and there was one time where you guys had Tanner and Jade on there, and I'm pretty sure Jade played dead and Tanner had to be next to her and say all the things he never could say to Jade when she was alive, and it was a very traumatic experience for just a friend. Watching, I was like, wow, right, oh god, this is emotional, guys. I don't know if I could take this it's a lot, right, it's a lot. But and we try to drive those points home that sneak up on you in life, right because we're in l a as of two weeks. We know life is not promised to us tomorrow. We don't know what's going to happen. So what are you waiting to say those things for? Same today? To say those things a conflict? Right? Uh? In a relationship, we think the relationship isn't going well. If we're having an intense discussion or heated discussion or an argument. We think something's wrong while I'm not doing this right, or maybe they don't love me as much, or maybe I don't love them as much? What does this mean? And so we just tend to avoid conflict, especially guys. We don't like to get into conflict with our significant other, our better half, our female better half, because we know we're not gonna win that emotional conflict, right, and we take that genie out the bottle. We don't know how to put it back in, so best to just avoid it. Do you anthing that guys are just unwilling to be vulnerable. I think that's a big part of it. Jared Um unwilling to be vulnerable because if I am vulnerable, do I really know what's underneath there? Because growing up we're not encouraged to explore that. Right, It's not about get in touch with your feelings. Think about if you got a five year old kid, a five year old girl, and a five year old boy both fall and skin their knee, right, what do you tell the boy? Get up, shake it off, walk it off. It's gonna be all right. But how do you hand to look? Oh my goodness, are you okay? You know, how do you feel? Let's you know, let's put a pretty band aid on it and you process those emotions right there on the spot. So it's a whole different thing. Yeah, what do you think about that? Do you think that should change? I think it's definitely gotta change. I think it's starting to change. But as parents, as the folks who are raising the little ones, we've got to make a specific effort to do. So that's what I think it's it's you can start to see a little bit of a shift. I'd imagine that's hard too because as obviously not a parent, but I would imagine parenting a child, you're gonna fall into a lot of the same things that your parents did when they were fathering a parent, mother and you and so you kind of get stuck in those bad, bad traits that you're passing on to your children. Exactly right, because when we live, we learn what we live, and that's what we know. It's like, you know, you get married in ten years in you looking at me, You're like, oh my god, I'm my dad. Yeah, it's funny because, uh so my father and I don't have the best relations. He after like three years of not really talking, he flew out to l A and hung out with me for like a week. And I hadn't talked to this man in three years, and he was doing insane things that I say and do all the time. And I'm like, that is just genetics. That's not even something like I don't know, it's in the genes. It's in the genes. So I have a question. So obviously I'm not married, but uh am I allowed to go on the show with my girlfriend? Absolutely? Really, you guys take couples of whether they're married. Sure, for sure, if if you think she's the one, if you've got some issues, you're thinking she might be the one, you think we might have a shot, come on through. I'll be honest with you, we don't really have any issues, but i'd love to see if we could find some Well, oh we'll find something. Absolutely what a young relationship. We don't have any problems, Guys, things are going. Do you think that would be a fun thing to do? Is like bring like a couple that doesn't really have any issue at least on the surface, right on the surface, even uncover some stuff and you know, it's it's funny as you say that. So a lot of our couples from the Bachelors and you know, from that franchise on the surface, like we've just got one or two little niggly things that you know, it's not a big deal. But by day six or seven, it's like it all comes out. So you know, it's like there's the there's the storm bubbling just beneath the surface. Usually when it comes left. I know you guys had Shaun and Catherine on there, and then you had JP and Ashley, JP and Ashley. Yes, we did Tenner and Jade. Is there anybody else? JP and Ashley? We had Desiree and Chris. Chris where the last two who came through. Chris was tough. How Chris was tough because he was so guarded. You know. It was just one of those things. Life is perfect. It's always been perfect. I've never had any problems. We're perfect, disregard anything she says. We've got it all together. And so it just it took a long time to get him to that point. It was finally on day nine. It was Lie Detective, and we finally got to the thing that was really bugging him, which was, you know, does she she really all that into me? You know, and we've all got those insecurities. But it was hard. He was tough. Are they still tealing now? Those four couples that you named, j Tanner, Catherine and I believe they are and there's just had a had a baby. Yea, yeah, yeah, I think they're all rocking and rolling, and so I'm sure you get a lot of fulfilment coming out the other side of that. Even if the couples break up, you're like, Okay, well maybe you broke up because there was a lot of underlying issues that we wouldn't have gotten to us. Look, sometimes the best outcome is is no outcome is the breakup we had. We had poly d and Rby come on there, and it was like, you know, by day five, I'm looking at both of them like, really, this is what I was trying to do. And so sometimes the best thing is, you know, I don't promise to keep you together. I promised to get you an answer by the By day ten, you will know if you can show up and be all of who you are and be happy with this person in your life. You have that you'll have some inkling as far as whether you want to move forward or maybe we should take some time apart. And sometimes it's painfully obvious that, right I forgot Polydin Rby. I recently just met Aubrey on an X on the Beach Reunion love. I love her to choose so sweet. Yeah, she's super nice. She recently you know, unblocked me on Twitter. Right right, I'm sold. I want to do the show. I feel like it'd be fun for me and God, what a naive uman until Klin is like in a body bag and you have to say all the things that you couldn't tell her when she's a look. I know that when I say that we communicate in her honest with each other about everything, I'm sure that there are some things that we aren't entirely honest about, of course, but sitting in the chair right now, it's hard for me to imagine a situation where we would have difficulty explaining something to the other person. So that's kind of why I'm like, this sounds pretty fun, Like fun, isn't If you're a good communicator, right then then it will be great because I think we get better being able to go into something like that. And I'm sure this is why all the couples do the show, is because you can go into something like that and come out the other side so much stronger. And it's not, like I said, Kaylin and I it's not like anything's going wrong. But to come out of something, regardless of what it is or why we went there, to come out even stronger than we already are, that's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing. And Dean, what usually happens is what couples will come in and like, well, these are the you know, these are some things we would like to work on. These are some issues we you know, maybe meeting down the road. But around Dave five or six, you realize that you've got your own personal journey to get Oh, you know what, I've got some stuff that I need to of course correct before if we really want to do this, and that's when the cool stuff to happen. I say we start this right now. I said, we asked being a couple of questions whether he'd last your marriage. I have I have one right off the top. That's unfair. Answer this question only a question towards you, not towards camp Why are you and Caitlin? Why do you not want you two together to do public interviews. I don't want the outside looking and on our relationship and making accusations or judgment calls based on a little snippet of a thing. Oh, I'm sure you do fantastic on marriage through camp boy, because you don't want outside people judging your relationship. I can see why that would sound like that would happen on the show. But also interviews. You granted, when a TV you can't really control the edit that you get either, but it's just like the interview thing is so easy to just be like, look, we're just not gonna do interviews together because we don't need that added pressure from the outside world assuming things about a relationship that they know anything about. Well, I guess, what are you afraid of? What are you nervous about doing a public of you together? I'm personally, I don't like, what are you afraid is going to come out? We're not afraid of anything. I don't think really that's a fear thing. It's just a matter of Uh, you've been in public relationships before, you're in one right now, and I've been in I think I've been in a few more public relationships than you have, and I've seen that the way that the media can like turn things to make you look bad in your relationship, and then that like leads to insecurity in the relationship for whatever reason, probably for lack of communication. I don't think this relationship that I have with Kalen would really take a negative hit if we were to do joint interviews, but I've seen how they can have a negative effect, and so I want to stay away from those. Sure, of course they can have a negative effect, but the only reason I feel like they have a negative effect is because a part of whatever they did is true. Because if it wasn't true, then you can easily just blame the publication, but if it caused conflict within your own relationship, then there's obviously, like we said, an underlying issue there, right, But how many interviews have you done, and how many of those interviews have they used five percent of the words that you've said, and the five percent of the world time ones that they are the most attention grab you know, all the time. But the reason I got so mad at it be as there was like I had to defend myself in a way that while it wasn't a complete fabrication, Uh sure they took my words out of context, but that doesn't mean it was a complete lie. Right. Well, I guess at my point, the one headline that I can think of that it didn't even get me in trouble, but it was like annoying, annoying thing to deal with was when I said that I was never gonna get married. I was never gonna marry Kalin, right, and then they published these articles it's like Dean's never marrying girlfriend Klin Miller Keys and it's like I'm looking at Calin like, you know, this is ridiculous, right, and she goes, yeah, it's a santor next to you when all this is being said, and this is a must absurd thing. Ever, But but that headline gets taken and run by all these you know, trating news outlets, and then that like just lets other people into a relationship and assume things that they don't know anything about. And she's got to defend that right, and I have to sit there and defend it too because it's my relationship as well. It's just frustrating. So what you're talking about is you're introducing an unnecessary stressor to the relationship, like marriage bootcamp. It's not it's not's what I mean. So my question is, why would you want to do because here's the difference. When you go to marriage bootcamp, you can come out of it of stronger, better couple. When you go into a joint interview, you don't gain anything from that. All you're doing is giving people insight into something that they don't need to know anything really about. But we're not benefiting from it, you know, like we're not coming out of the interview stronger as a couple. Well, here's what would happen. I feel like a married to peer camp, you would that would be a topic that gets brought up, right, and then the immediate question afterwards it said, well, Dean, you said an interview let's talk about it right now with Klin. Will you ever marry Klin? Yeah, that would be something that you'd have to face. It's good in the moment, right, absolutely be willing to face that. And then all of a sudden Calin's like, well, I hope so one day and then you're like, well, I don't believe in the institution of marriage, and then bought a bang boada boom. But the thing is, this is the stuff that we talked about all the time anyway, which is a very good thing. Do you think now, I'm very curious, do you think Klin, because you don't have set publicly you don't believe in the institution to marriage, do you think you'll ever budge from that? I don't think that I am dead set enough in that conviction to be like I'm the potential of the change is always there, of course, right, So obviously I can see why a friend would hear me say that and cling on the idea, oh he's going to change later on exactly. But again I just think it's all ridiculous. Better question, do you believe in having a long term partner? Yes? Absolutely, Yeah, And that's the thing too. It's like Um, it's not that I believe I believe against marriage because of the monogamy of it all or whatever, the partner life, partner of it all. It's just had to think of the marriage and general is still not to discredit anything. I think there's more married people in this room than there are non married people in this room. And you're all beautiful and you have wonderful relationships. That's all. That's all of us right there. Yeah, Dean's guy coming with the guy doesn't believe in the institution of marriage. Dean is wearing a ring on his left hand and used to say, we didn't get married. But the point of this, and that's exactly why I'm wearing this. And but you're right in line with where most couples, most younger couples are right now. A lot of younger couples they're just not doing it, or they're pushing it off. They're not doing in their twenties, they're thinking about it now in they're late thirties or you early forties, or they're just not doing it at all because they realized, hey, you know, mom and dad did it and it kind of sucks. So let's try to figure out a different way to work around, you know, and there's some agreements we can have between us, but we don't need it to be formalized here if it's formalized in our and so Caitlin, were eight months into our relationship, right, and obviously it's it's very early on to be making any type of predictions for the future. But I could see uh spending a lifetime with Kaylin, right, But that doesn't necessarily in statements, right. That's that's my point is even if I'm spending a lifetime with this person, doesn't nessarily I'm gonna get married to them. But you do realize that if you went on a show like marriag Bootcamp, not to say anything negative about it, but of course that would become the central Then the next question obviously would be, well, if you're willing to spend the rest of your life with someone, why are you so unwilling to put a ring on her and and really solidify it. And that's a question I'll have to answer in the moment exactly. And you can see how like it would just be a lot it's just be aware, here's here's here's the benefit of it. On the show, we don't stop at the sound bite, right, you get you get a chance to tell the whole story, and then you also get a chance to tell the backstory that got you to the current, So people get a deeper understanding of who you are as Dean's like, oh okay, I see who Dean is now and I totally get it. And so that works. And when I think of marriage boot Camp and why it would be interesting for Caitlin and I to partake in it, it's not for the audience is sick, but it would be nice to be able to go into like a pressure cooker as a couple and put the relationship to the test. Good word for it. Yeah, I've I've wanted the duke. I I've encouraged me and a former girlfriend of mine to do a couple of therapy. I've never done it before, and she she denied it. She didn't want to do it. Um, So I've always kind of been curious about, you know, what it would be like, especially with me because I'm an idiot. I talked myself in circles all the time. I don't really know what I'm saying half the time. Uh, but it wouldn't be going on the show wouldn't be. I want other people to get a glimpse of our relationship through whatever lens that they show for it, but I would like to see what her and I can get out of it together, you know what I mean? Sure? I mean actually, and I've talked about going to a couple of therapy as well, just to kind of I mean, like we So I don't think we have issues in the relationship, but there's nothing also wrong with kind of maintaining or just kind of going and seeing, hey, is there deep underlying issues that we don't communicate on and kind of just work on the relationship together. Yeah, And they answer that question is yes, it's a it's a human thing. We've all got underlying issues. We've got areas where we're not strong, whether it's communication, whether it's trust, whether stuff we've been through in the past, and we're not over where there's forgiveness when we really need to, And so why not do something? Why not be proactive about it and strengthen those areas before they come up and blindside you and you're like, oh my god, what just happened? So yeah, it just makes sense. DR. Do you believe in marriage? Do you believe in Okay. So you believe in marriage. You know my folks marri for fifty six years, um, and so I know what that level of commitment looks like day in, day out, five of us, five sisters, you know, two guys to brothers, And so I know what happens to the kids when the house is full of certainty and full of love. And so I believe in the long term commitment. I don't think you necessarily have to sign on the dotted line. I think if you are committed to each other and you are dedicated to moving this forward, and you just and this is as simple as a decision. Hey, I've decided that I'm not gonna leave no matter what. That's my decision. I've decided to stay with you, knowing that my happiness is not dependent on your behavior. Right, whether you show up and you're in a good mood or a bad mood, you're irritable or you're or you're sad, or you're up or your down, I'm gonna be happy with me. And I've decided to stick this out with you. And I think the biggest thing when it comes to that long term commitment is understand it too. A long time for me to get to this place was to understand that I am not responsible for your happiness. I can't make you happy. I can't buy you enough flowers or take you on enough trips or right, there's nothing I can do to help you. Ma, You've got to find that level on your own, and then I am blissfully happy being here helping you maintain it when I maintain my own. Do you have any advice for people out there listening on how to get to that point point? To get to that point of accepting I can't make you happy and the only happiness that I can uh allow is my own, or like, the only happiness I control is my own. I think once you go on that journey to find your own, then you got it. Because it's because it's not easy. Hell, I'm a psychiatrist, and I can't even tell you that I'm there every day of the week. It's a it's a constant daily decision. I wake up every morning, the first thing I think of is you know what I wonder what makes me happy today? Let's let's see how I can get some more of that juice in my life. And once you've gone on that journey for yourself and figuring out what that is right, putting all those demons to rest, slain those demons, whatever those demons are, with its old family stuff, old relationship stuff, how you show up in the world stuff, Who accepts me? Who likes me? So once you're going on that journey, you've gotten closer and closer and closer to that inner source, that inner self, that thing that talks to you, and it's a true voice every single time when you decide to listen to it. Once you've found that, you can recognize it in somebody else immediately when they have it and when they don't, and then those two things will kind of come together automatically and you don't even have to make that decision, and it will decide for it self. These two were given homework. I like homework and discuss with you, and they are ready for it. They planted it out and I think they're a little nervous about it. We're not very good at homework. That were nervous about the fact that we didn't do the homework. You look, you're talking to a guy who's in a school for fourteen years. I'm a homeworker there. You know. It was one of the worst times of high school was when you had the rows of desk and you had to hand your homework forward. Embarrassing moment where the person behind you would look at you as if pass your homework forward and you're just like I I didn't do look back towards the teacher. All right. Number one, think of one thing in your relationship you want to improve, Jared, you can start with Dean with you. Here's the thing about the relationships you're married. Yours is much more stable, so you can obviously lead off these these questions. I think that's the most appropriate with it tackless um so on how to improve the relationship. I think one thing I would like to improve in mine and ashle his marriage. Uh. It again is on me is to um live more in the moment rather than being so paranoid about the future, especially living in Los Angeles and the industry that we're in. I feel a lot of times I'm just waiting for the rug to be pulled out underneath because there isn't a lot of certainty here and for me to be told, you know, every social media has gone, podcast is gone. Uh, and uh, you know, good luck and figure it out and then Ashley and I kind of coming to not coming to grods. I just feel like I think I've accepted the fact that I am able to live a life back east small town, uh, And I don't think Ashley is on that same level as me, and that that's what concerns me a lot of times that if this doesn't keep going, what we're doing right now doesn't keep going, we won't reach the expectations that actually has for her life. And that concerns me. And so I think the way to improve our relationship is for me not to project into the future, but rather just live in the moment and enjoy it and then keep working hard and then hopefully in the at the end of the day that will pay off. Yeah. So two words that you said that I've picked up on. One is certainty, which is what we're all looking for to a certain degree. And then expectations. And you're still your your newly wed still correct, just married in August and August right, so congratulations, thank you very much. And so, yeah, you want the certainty and you want to be able to provide that because that's part of what makes you feel good and in the relationship. Here's what I will tell you, um, take your expectations about how to live in the moment. You said you're trying to live in the moment. So the way to live in the moment is take your expectations and turn into appreciation, and you just wake up and appreciate what you have in front of you. I've had this beautiful woman right here next to me. We got this beautiful life. I get to come in and work with these amazing people every single day. And so you appreciate that because everything has the brain doesn't work in negatives, right, Every subject is two subjects. It's what is wanted and what is not wanted. And whatever you're focusing on is what you're going to get. And so if you're if you're focused on the uncertainty and how it's gonna look when I gotta tell last year we gotta move back east, then that's what you're gonna get. Right, Stay focused on the appreciation. This is what I have, and this is what's working, and this is what I'm loving, and forget everything else, and everything else will just drip and fall away from your life. And and that's how you and then and then there is no hopefully it works out. It just works out because you're staying blissful and happy in the moment and you're always in appreciation. You know what really helps me with that is my dog. Yeah, I know that sounds ridiculous, but sometimes when I get so overwhelmed with uh frivolous things that at the end of the day won't matter, but in the moment seemed like the biggest things ever. Sometimes my dog will just I'll put food down and she is just the happiest thing alive because there's food on the ground. Or we're about to go on a walk, which I am piste off about because I don't want to take her on a walk. You know, it's a lot o plocket knights. She's got to go one more time. I'm like, all right, let's just go. Let's go, And she is just the happiest thing alive. And then I realized, why am I so like, why am I so upset about things that aren't gonna mender no matter at the end of the day, when like, she's the happiest thing alive because she's going outside and I have I'm married, i have you know, a nice apartment, I have a great job. Um, and I let these things just bring me down because it just seems like they're the worst things in the world when at the end of the day, they're not gonna matter. It's not gonna matter. And think about the scope of your life. It's always worked out. It's working out. Knock on wood, that's what Ashley says, that's what working out. That's what makes you so concerned, Like I feel like that's gonna be on like my tembstone, it always works out, does it? Just like entragh, I want to back check for a second. You said you have a job. What's this job that I'm sitting on it? Buddy, This isn't a job. I just said it, like you know, I meant in turn of also from social media and what I'm saying and hosting and the things that we're able to do. If you want know, what's funny is mine and Kalin's improvement, I think is the opposite of what yours is. I think we live too much in the moment, and in my opinion, both of us don't have enough direction on what we want to be doing long term or even short term or middle term. You know, like we both have interests and we both like to do things together, but we don't know if that's necessarily going to lead to success maybe professionally later on, or what that necessarily holds for us. Like whenever we take meetings or like we we talk about what we want to be doing in the future, it's it's never really met with any certainty. It's always kind of like, well, I don't know, we'll figure it out when we get there, you know, because we're too focused on the things that we're doing in the moment, whether it's traveling or taking pictures or hanging out with our new dog too or whatever it is. So it's that's one thing that I think that we could work on improving, is figuring out exactly what we want to be doing in the future. So, Deane, here's how you figure that out. We were all born with this amazing guidance system called your emotions. Right, if you're doing something when you feel crappy doing it, don't do it. Staying in the moment gets you exactly what you want, right, so you're actually doing it the right way. I'm doing this thing that's making me happy today, and so tomorrow chance and I'm gonna end up doing something's gonna make me happy tomorrow. And you just keep going with that. And I was gonna chime in earlier when you were talking about in order to have a fruitful relationship with someone else, you have to learn how to love yourself and do the things that make you happy. And when I think about, uh, my relationship now and why, in my opinion, is the best relationship I've been And it's because earlier in twenty nineteen, I started doing those things like I got my skydiving license, I've been rock climbing more, I moved into the van full time to travel more, and all these things that I was doing for myself, which has ultimately led me to be more content in my relationship and happy with the things that I'm doing on my own that I can, you know, bring someone else into if I want to and they want to, etcetera, and you'd get to share it. Right this, you are not responsible for for making me happy. I hate when people say, oh, you know, relationships with yeah, it's a hundred one hundred. You gotta show you a hundred percent grown self and then they've got to bring their grown self And now we've got something. But if you've got fifty and you're looking for me to fill up your other half. Then hell, I can't fill up most of my own in most days of the week, so I'm not gonna be able to carry that load for you when you need it consistently. In number two, Mark, well, actually, you guys have covered a lot of these and what you've already said. The second one is what is your your biggest flaw in your relationship? Do we know? I would say that I don't mind pretty easily. I liked, uh, my own my personal time a lot. I'm pretty introverted, and so sometimes, especially with Kalin, we spent a lot of time together, and there are times where I don't know if it's necessarily a flaw, but I'll like, I'll communicate to heir, like, hey, you just need some time alone for a little bit, like go to your own thing. I'll just go to my thing for a couple of hours and beat back up. I wouldn't say it's a flaw necessarily, but uh, I can sense sometimes like I almost feel bad for saying that sometimes, you know, not all the time, because it's been a uh it's been a thing since we started dating, so it's the expectations always been there since the beginning. But sometimes I feel a little guilty for it. You feel selfish, yeah, selfish, Yeah, of course, yeah, But in reality, you're not being selfish because if she's got to force you to be somebody who you're not in order for her to be happy with you, then hey, you're not going to be happy. And then she's not gonna be happy because she knows that she's doing some things that you know aren't. I don't get to experience the full breadth of who Dean is because I need him to be this certain way in order for me to do that right. I need him to not want that downtime and that me time, which I know is gonna make him miserable, but it's gonna make me happy. So let's right, So and asking for the thing you want right. So this is why should come on the show needs and wants right, and so that is a need. Hey, I love you to death, love hanging out, do all of those things, but I need my time right and it's maybe it's a couple of hours, and I need to come up with the way to ask you for it that doesn't offend you, will make you feel like there's something you're doing that I don't want. To be around. But once you get comfortable asking for those things you need and more especially with the newly married folks. Right, never assume that you just know, always got to ask, and so you're asking for it. That's a good thing. Don't feel selfish about it because when I am back, once you give me those two or three hours, oh baby, I'm back, and you've got all of it right and so, and that's that's a good thing. I feel like Ashley always knows. Yeah, just today, but tomorrow you're going to be different. It's true, right, the doctor issue I was last week, Take a picture of that guy, because you're not gonna see him anymore. A brand new guy is gonna right. And so in long term relationships, we don't allow for the fact that we're going to grow and we're going to change. And the things I was into, you know, a couple of years ago, I'm not into those things anymore, whether it's music, whether it's food, whether it's my sexual taste. And we've got to be able to carry those ongoing discussions. Folks say, oh, we just gotta have a conversation. No, it's an ongoing dialogue, and you gotta remember to talk about it every single day. Yeah, I guess my biggest fall in the relationship, that's a hard one. I guess my anxiety. But just more so, I think for me, it's hard to separate, uh, mine and Ashley's relationship from my relationship with my family back east, back home. It's hard to really articulate because I romantically, I know, yeah, obviously, uh that was a joke. I would say, like it's I would say, probably Ashley is my family now, but I have family home that I miss a lot, right, And it's hard to prioritize that. Like I was watching I forgot what movie it was, but the whole moral of the movie was that he was unable to let go of things. And then at the end he's like, no, you are my family, like and that's this is the most important thing moving forward, and like family changes and so on and so forth. And I have a very difficult time separating the two because I really want I want to be selfish and I want to be with my family that I've been born and raised with and have Ashley be a part of that, and of course her family too. But actually has a much easier time dealing with the like the future of things like it's her and I am moving forward and having kids and then we're going to do our own family, and it's hard for me to separate that because then it just feels I guess I'm having a hard time of letting go of that well, and I think it's up that you have to let go of Peter Panza. It's afraid of No, it's just it's just, um, it's a shift in responsibility to shift in priority. Is like Dan was talking about, it's like asking for the things you needed want right. I need to be connected to my family. I need that. I feel selfish for it because I know that you're here and you're my new family and we're building this thing together. But at the same time, and so it's just it's not a it's not a letting go. It's just figuring out how you're going to incorporate everybody because you get to have it all. You don't have to choose. Yeah, um, but you've got to have those open and honest conversations about it. Actually actually says the sweetest thing all time. She says that she gets a little sad every night because it means one less day with me, which is the cutest thing ever and if marry her, wait, you already did, ye. I was an idiot for a while and I've been luckily came to my senses. But I think, and of course I feel the exact same way towards her. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the exact same way towards my parents, my sister, and the people are close with, especially as my parents get older, um, and they're, you know, in their sixties, and it's like, damn, you know, if we're here for two or three more years, that means they're in there, you know, mid to upper sixties. And these are things that I again, I try to just live in the moment and not be concerned with those things. But of course they're just first and foremost because we're so far away. But anyway, so I think that's the biggest flown relationship. Another great example of not having a family being better in this case. No, ever, I don't have to worry about my parents getting old. Close with your brothers, Yeah, sure, my brothers, they're just saying to me basically essentially. Anyway, So let's me go on to the third one. The third one is what is the one thing you would like your partner to work on. I've got a laundry list. Careful now they're gonna be listening. She squeezes her toothpaste from the front of the two savage squeeze from the butt of the top paste. You know, she puts the tooth the toilet paper on the roll where the rolls under and staid over. Unbelievable. Nope. Um, it's just a lot of small things like that. Really, that's all she could really work on. That's when that's when you know, Yeah, you just moved in with someone where your biggest flowers on the toothpaste, the toilet man a huge man that under rolled. How how do you live? Like right? Like connections. There's a good thing because if you think that's okay, then there's some other things that you probably think okay that I'm not cool. Where the doctor gets it, man, he just gets it. And when I used to make the bed, Ashley would come in afterwards and start straining the bed out and I didn't. God, that would maybe some guys don't. We cannot do a good enough job that's able, Yeah, yours? What was the question was one thing you want your partner to work on I think to bounce off Dean's discussion about being an introvert. Actually, I love being with Ashley, but she is very much of a dependent where she could be with seven and never get tired of me. And I don't get tired of Ashley, but I do think there are times where I need to be Like even I'll go so we have like a little office where I have my Xbox, so I'll go and like play a video game and then literally like fifteen minutes in Jared like, baby, I need I need at least just give. Yeah, So that's probably the one thing she could work on and just you know, just be you give you like just skin houry, just to recompress. Well, and it goes back to the thing you're looking for, right certainty, that's what she's looking for. He's still there, He's still into me and this and this is still cool and so you just it's just it's just ways to reassure her of that. You know. It's like when it's like if you have a toddler and once they can kind of walk around and leave the room, they'll walk out of the room, but then they'll peek right back. The mature you're still there, so the same kind of difference in your job, but you still still here. Still Yeah, doctors, thank you so much for coming in. UM, that segment went on a lot longer than right. Good. We can, honest you talk to you forever and ever. But for our listeners out there, if you want to follow doctor Ish, go to his Instagram page Doctor Underscore Ish, Underscore Major, or be sure to check him out on Marriage boot Camp, Reality Stars Absolute When is that there? Season premiere is this Thursday at ten pm on we TVAZ hip Hop boot Camp All hip Hop House this time. Okay, great, so that's not the one that Caitlin and I are going to be I would love to check back in with you. It's all right, welcome back. Dr Ish has left the studio, but we do have some email questions. We have a video question we do before we get to tell you that I'm concerned about Jared Mark has a Jared question just because and this has come up before. I believe actually brought this up before, and as well as you brought this up before, I am concerned. I feel like you desperately went out of Los Angeles. UM. It's definitely a topic of conversation between Ashley and I, I wouldn't say desperately because of I love this. I love coming here in studio and recording. It's only once a week, so it's you know, obviously consistent. Uh. And then I also host h I do other hosting like I l A presents opportunities that just other parts of the country don't, which are awesome being able to do some of the things we had to do, including going to movie premiers, hosting things of that nature. But man, it's just an exhausting town to live in. I miss home. I missed the convenience of home. I missed my family, miss my friends. And I feel like I'm strongly from you. Yeah, I'm I'm I feel like I'm my worst version here and I wish I could be a better version of myself. And I find myself more confident and comfortable around um back home, probably just because it's you know, I'm so comfortable there between the people that I know, they're the places, the place you know that I've lived, grown up, so on and so forth. Um, So I missed that aspect of it, and Ashley can see it too. I think actually sees a different level of happiness from me. Whenever I'm home, and I think it hurts her too to see that, like I am a better version of myself depending on the location, which is sad but also true. So it is exhausting here, and it's it's it's a difficult place to live. What would you do there? Assuming the podcast doesn't transfer, which I don't know why I couldn't. Half of our hosts live in different cities. But let's say you couldn't do the podcast and you couldn't do the Instagram thing anymore, what do you see your life being like? Well, I think that's why the Instagram thing concerns me so much, because ideally I would love to open up my own bar. But the only way that's possible is if like we get to do this for hopefully, like do you more years? Maybe that's kind of like timeline actually, and I put on it, like to really have seed money to not only like you know, invest in the things we want to invest in, which is a future family house, things of that nature, but also have enough money to really open up a bar with only one or two other investors so I can really own and operate it. Because I've worked in hospitality for you know, gotten twelve years or something like that. So I have a good grasp of how to run uh an industry like that. And also, um, I have an idea of what I want to do, So the opportunity to implement that and and really have creative control over is something that would be great. So I think that would be the end goal again on you know, fortunately and unfortunately it is very dependent on on on us continuing to do what we do now. Uh so's the name of the bar? Uh So, I really like the name her. Ashley's mom's name is Audrey, so I love the idea of naming naming it Audrey's. I really like this barnet. My mom's name is Nancy, which I also think is adorable, but I my mom knows this. I like Audrey's better, Like, Hey, you want to go to audrey tonight. I think that's a really cute. And so I would love it to be more of like a coffee shop martini bar that I'm I'm kind of changing it. It might become more of a sports bar. I don't really know. But um there's a bar back home called main Street Coffee that I love, and it's a coffee shop slash Martini bar that's very small and intimate, fireplace, couches, chairs, very uh Mediterranean looking, and it's really like just not only a great date spot, but just a great spot to go and chill and talk and really just a great great area to really you just feel comfortable in it. So that's what I would like to open up. But you know, New England is also a huge sports market and I also love sports bars, so the idea of do mean that as well is very intriguing. So we'll see. But of course, you know that's like the ultimate goal, open up Audrey's and then open up audrey too, like in thet Yeah, there were or something, and I think actually the recent Bachelor news which was like Kendall and Joe broke that really hit home, I think for Ashley and I because from everything we know of it and I'm sure there is more to it, but the main reason they broke up with location because he just he was like, I need to go back to Chicago. I can't do it out here. You can't do it. So you're saying it sounds like you and actually might be happening to call it quits pretty soon. Yeah, we're probably gonna get a horse over. Of course you could be long distance. No, we would never. We actually has toyed with the idea of being bi coastal, but it's also just expensive to try to be bi coastal, and I'd rather save our money and just and surely not suck it up. I mean, I'm the luckiest guy live to be able to people would beg to live out here, you know, in Hollywood and Los Angeles, nice weather year round. You know it's I I I leave the gym and literally the Walk of Fame is right there, you know, I forget. I remember I was on the phone with my sister one time and I was like, oh, I'm driving down Sunset I'm going to this thing. And I was like, I'm driving down Sunset Bath. You know. I I think I maybe don't appreciate it enough. I've lived here twenty years. I still have these moments. Yeah, you know, you're driving down Sunset Bovard like there's Rodero Drive, and it's like, damn, that is when I really think about it. That is crazy. And and to my family back home, you know, they think it's the coolest thing. People save their money all year to come visit here. Yeah, but then I just think you live in the wrong point of town. I think you need to go more west, like beach area. Gods, I don't know if I could do Santa Monica. I don't see. I think maybe you should be more suburban. Maybe it would feel more like home if you were out in you know, a Gura or someplace. I like suburban areas, like I would love to live in Pasadena. Are you a pastt I'm Passadena adjacent, Glendale, Monrovia Trader Joe's. Oh that sounds fantastics, right, baby, and the gem of the foothills very nice. Is that why you want to live in more suburban area? Yeah, it feels like maybe are out there. It's great and it's not far from anything. It's really not far from anything. I to let to myself all the time. It's very close then where all the action is. Yeah, seeing yourself that or No, it's great. There's a lot of great suburban areas of Los Angeles where you can still have that l A. I didn't realize that. I didn't realize that when I got here, I was where we're gonna raise kids. It's actually some pretty great places to raise kids. I was driving the other day in Burbank and there there is areas of bird Bank where it was just it was trees and grass, and you're like, oh wow, this feels like a neighborhood, and uh yeah, you don't get that. The problem is actually is is because of a lot of things we do, actually feels like we need to be more central in which I get. But at the same time, if it is going to bring us a little bit more happiness, I think it is. I don't know. I should actually also convinced that if it's not close to my family, it's not gonna matter, so which I'm not whole fully convinced of. But why don't we to get your parents to move out to Los Angeles? No, they will never have it. My dad would lose his mind. Oh my god, the traffic. He can't literally he's in traffic for four minutes in Cranson, Rhode Island. I mean he is losing his mind. Yeah, I get that, But also just tell him to come out here for like an extended amount of time. Let's see if there's any spike in your happiness. It's just like you gotta start a b testing things, you know, Is it that you're missing your family. Is it that you're missing the location? Is it the combination of the two? Is it? What exactly is it? So maybe like I haven't come out like spent like a month in Los Angeles. It's definitely the combo of me both of it. But but yeah, I mean, and there are aspects of Los Angeles that are fantastic, just like any other part of the world in their aspects that I just don't enjoy it. I don't know, man, I hate to say it, but I just don't see it working out between you guys. I hope it does. I'm really glad Dean was a groomsman in my way it does. I just don't see it. I just don't. Do you have any Do you have any? Uh question? The other night, Scrubbing In with Becca Antonio had their first ever live podcast up in San Francisco and it went very well from all reports, And so he has a video that we got from a listener named his name is Helendada. Helenda has a question for you, and here it is from Helenda. Thank you for leather Jack. Thank you for taking some time before we play this to make the Scrubbing In live podcasts a little bit about help. I suck it, dude. I'm telling you. The almost famous live podcast was a lot about chant going and everything that really means a lot. Okay, my question is single, what am I doing wrong? I know I build the balls, but what am I doing wrong? Why do you build the balls? I don't know what. What's some advice? Well, a lot of info to go off? Yeah, Tore you were there to meet here, it's some advice that you and maybe have for her, because I don't want my advice. She wants a males perspective. No, I know, but I think we just need a little bit more information about Helenda, who she is, what she likes, what she dislikes, where she eats, maybe where she shops, like those types of things. Do you have any information you could help us? I do not, but I will say that you meet those people who right off the bat you just generally know are good humans of them, and she was one of those. And you could tell that. People who build up walls, you know, we all have those, But like, where do we go to break that down? How do you start the first step to be vulnerable towards someone or let someone in? You know, It's like I think that's what she kind of wants to know. I think had a lot of good Sorry, I was just gonna say. Let me say, if she's listening to this podcast, she's obviously a good human being. That's a great point. She's very pretty, she's where, she's well dressed, and I've spoken to her a number of times. She's she's very cool. Here's what I know about her. She likes to travel. She works in radio in the San Jose area. Um. She she is a very passionate human and she has a lot, a lot of love to give, and she has a song in her heart. I think a song in her heart. What does that mean? Sex music? Okay, I think that she could take Dr Issue's advice pretty thoroughly when he says things about like do the things that spark joy and you. I don't obviously we don't know about that. But maybe she's building up those walls because she's got like some insecurities, because she's unable to pursue and try the things that she's always yearned to. And that could open her up a little bit and allow her to be a little more vulnerable with other people. Um And then that you know, that will just naturally attract guys. Thirty three still pretty young. Let's be clear about that too, she said, thirty three single, I don't think that's that big of a deal. Like, you know, we have friends in our thirties who are still single, and they're they're thriving and doing their best. Oh, I I agree. I think it's very normal to be in your mid thirties and single nowadays. I also think that she could actively probably do a good job of uh, consciously working on bringing her walls down anytime she's meeting with someone, not being afraid to ask them out, or if they want to do something with her, making the first move, so on and so forth, or just even being willing to uh. I think a lot of people who build walls up, they immediately kind of run away from a relationship that starts turning good. So I think being aware of that and actively trying to work through that with whoever partner she's on a date with, but also a good step in the right direction. But also stop saying it, stop anouncing it to the world. I feel like the more she says those types of things, the more she's like willing it to do. Like positive affirmation sort of thing like she's willing it into existence. So maybe like work on it, but maybe like work on it quietly, you know what I mean, Like or just don't don't say it that I don't say it out loud, but in the moment that you know a wall is going up, recognize it, don't say it out and just barrel through it and help I suck it, dive, Help I suck live podcast. We're gonna hopefully have Helenda there and maybe we can check in with her that we got our producer right here. So sorry, I got a phone called this is ridiculous. It suck Army. We need to have a live podcast. We're going to figure this out. We're gonna have one. We should do you understand the energy in the room that will be happening with a help I secon dating live podcast. There's going to be contained. It's gonna be so much swag. It's going to be off the chart. There were chance at describing in not like when everyone's in their seats, but in the hallway they'd be like oh, and I'm like, oh, that's the army, And I just realized, I'm like, why is that normal for me to stay? Now? Mark? Do you have any email or anything I do. Cassidy has a question for you, Dean. She's Minnesota. She says, Dean, I have no idea how to word this. Will bear with me. You and I have a lot of weird similarities, but not in the best way. I've really liked listening to you talk about how you've handled your trauma and your outlook on being different if you will. When I was sixteen, my best friend passed. When I was three, my father passed. I have a brother who's five years younger than I am. That I feel like it's relatable to you in your story. So my question is what advice do you have for young man want to come with the handling depression and emptiness from that type of loss. Do you have any suggestions or things that helped you get ready to heal from your loss so that helped pull you out of that and accept it. It's a heavy question, pretty heavy. Yeah, I really don't think I have much advice to get. When I look back on my like late teens, early twenties, I was pretty devious. I would you know, I drank a lot with my friends. I was at quintessential called kid that would more or less, get blacked out on weekends and like not really have a care in the world other than like where is the next party. So when I was that age, when I was going dealing with all that kind of loss, like I wouldn't say I was depressed, but I was definitely lost as a human being. And I think that maybe I was using that type of stuff to mask that type of a depression or whatever it might be. But again, I look back at those times and I don't necessarily think that I was depressed, but I would never I would never tell someone to use my experience as a blueprint to get through it all because, like I said, like I was, I was such a I was such a dickhead when I was you know, eighteen to seven, basically I was. And I guess when I handled that kind of stuff, like, yeah, I had a good, cruel core group of friends, and although like I didn't talk to them about what I was going through emotionally or whatever, I knew that I could kind of like lean on them to maybe get my mind off of things or you know whatever whatever I needed for them. So my advice to this person is find a solid friend group. You know, maybe don't like unload all of your baggage onto them or anything like that. But just you know, make sure that you're around people that want the best for you and and and wish you know, you wish you as well as as well as the possibly can. But again, like when I look back to that time, I don't think that the way that I got through it was really admirable in any sort of way, you know what I mean. Did you ever go to therapy as a teenager or I went once when I was like fifteen after my mom died, but I hated it. I don't think that you really get anything out of therapy unless you elect to go on your own accord, and I did that obviously last year when I was twenty six. I think I talked about on this podcast a little bit. Um. What I'm saying is, would you maybe advise or give advice if he should only go to therapy if he thinks he could benefit from into therapy. Therapy sucks if you don't want to be there, you know, like if if Cassidy, who is the sister um and her brother is dealing with this thing, if Cassie is the one that's like, hey, listen, like I want you to go to therapy. I think that you know you'll benefit from it, And he doesn't want to go, and he goes he's not gonna get anything from it, and I think, do you think she should just suggest it and then let him decide. I also don't think that's the best idea either. One of my biggest pet peeves is when you see someone, like even if someone on the Bachelor or someone going through something, and then you'll see like a complete stranger. And obviously Cassie is not a complete stranger to brother, but like when people are like saying like, oh, go to therapy, like seek out therapy. I think you'd benefit from therapy, it's like it's kind of a knock in a sense, and I don't think that that's going to really spark interest in that person going to therapy. But coming from Cassidy like I'm a little too stubborn. Like if someone would have come to me and we're like, hey, I think you should go to therapy for this, whatever the reason is, I probably be like, you don't know me any better than you know so true, I completely understand where you're coming from. I think it's more reflection on society that it's considered a knock if someone says, hey, I think therapy might be healthy for you. I just think that it's not any again, different situation because Cassie and him are brother and sister. But when people come and say, like, you should get therapy, they're stranger who yet an idiot who says that it also could be a little lazy, Like it's not they don't. They just like you need therapy, like they don't really know your situation completely thoroughly, and they're trying to be helpful of course. But that's why I think it's different for her sister to talk to her brother about it. Like, I'm sure if one of your brothers talked to you and said, hey, I think you know, maybe I should do this, maybe you should do this for just the trauma that we've been through. I think it's different than certainly someone on Night two of The Bachelor coming up and saying, hey, you need therapy, bro. Yeah. Well, one thing one thing I did when I was younger that I think that Cassie's brother could maybe benefit from is I did it a few times. I didn't do it as often as looking back as I should have. But like it's good. It's it's okay to like sit there and just think about how sad you are. Like you can sit there and be upset about something and don't like try to escape that thought. Like at least like think about it, internalize it, and process it, and allow yourself to process it. If you're crying, Like especially for the guy, you know, he's twenty years old at this point, it's like it kind of sucks being a twenty year old guy that's gonna be crying, right, But if you're like maybe alone in your room or even if you're you know, you need to like step away from people and like take a second and just like internalize it, process it, allow yourself to feel that way because then later on, like you're gonna have a bunch of better time handling it. And don't be afraid. It's like, yes, distractions are okay too. I think like sports is a is a good distraction, especially when you're that age. Um, I took the root of both sports and partying. I would, like I said, I would never suggested to go out and get drunk to handle your with your depression. But um that's my main advice is I internalize it, and that's something that uh I did a few times when I was that age, but I wish I did more of because I think it's beneficial to like dwell on that stuff a little bit. Yeah. The only reason I suggested, maybe Casside, Casside, you're talking about the door brother from an outside or listening to that Dean obviously knows better than I, um, just because when you said you felt like you couldn't talk to your friends about it, and then even suggested to Cassidy's they're about like, get your friends, don't unload all your baggage. But do you think from your own personal experience being someone in this position, that it would be healthier for you to unload your baggage to someone to get it off your chest. I can only speak from my experience, and before it's it's actually kind of embarrassing is because before I went on Bachelorette and before my wonder one with Rachel, when I like talked about my mom passing when I was fifteen, and obviously I have a bunch of other close friends that I've died when I was a kid too, Like I never talked about it, so even like some of my closest friends didn't know that. I didn't have a mom, you know, like that type of thing. And I think that's why I say, don't unload all your baggage, but you can still obviously like inform them of what's what you're going through. But what I did personally was I just kind of I didn't tell anyone. No one knew about it, uh, and it like kind of made for some awkward tension later on. But obviously, like once I started opening up about it and sharing it more and more with the people that were closer to me, the better I felt about it, the better I think the closer we were able to connect, and like obviously we were all able to deal with it together. But personal experience, I didn't speak enough about it. And I think that obviously you can kind of gauge personally how much you should be sharing, but uh, you know, maybe start lightly and then like as you find people that you can like confidently speak to and figure that out with like obviously uh, confiding them a little bit more. But I don't know, that's a that's a that's a heavy, heavy question. Well, I thought your advice about allowing yourself to feel it and experience the emotion I think that's actually really good advice. And what Dr Is said too. You know, as kids, as young boys growing up, like we're we're taught to act tough and like push through. I wanted to ask him, what is the right how do you handle that? Because when when my daughter's falling skin their knee, I'm more of a your fine, everything's cool, like it's okay, it's okay, we're I think that my wife doesn't do that, and so I think it makes me look like kind of a jerk when when my wife's like, oh you poor thing came here and I'm like, you're fine, get up. It makes me feel like a jerk. But I feel like in the long run, they'll be better off if they're able to shake off minor things like that. Well, I think bank, I didn't tell you you're fine, get up. You know what I'm saying, Like it's a skin knee, you're fine. I mean from an outsider, that seems pretty okay, Like it's not like a traumatic experience happened and you said you're fine, don't talk about it. Your fine. I mean, there's a scrapeknee, I'm sure, like you said your daughter broke her ankle. You're not gonna a totally different situation. That was a different situation when when I was in high school. My girlfriend at the time, she was a babysitter, you know, as most high school girls are, and she was like a tomboy, and she was like, you know super I guess I didn't really know how to put it, but she when she would babysit, uh, the kid would like fall. It's like a three or four year old kid. Obviously your your daughter is a little older than that, but uh. And every time that they would fall and hurt themselves, she would like, instead of like get up your fine or like, oh, let's like brush off, she would like cheer them on and be like that was so sick, Like that was the most awesome thing. And then they would jump up and they'd be like whoa, that was really cool evening, you know. So as I saw that, that's how I've always kind of decided I would raise my kids, like if they fall and hurt themselves, you just like cheer them on and be like, dude, that was epic positive reinforcement with pain. Yeah, I mean, they don't really know what, they don't know anybody. They just like they're they're reacting to how you react. So if you react like, oh my god, are you okay? Oh I'm gonna cry, because that's what they That's what I was gonna say. I've seen with friends like it all depends on the parents reaction, Like if a kid falls down and like, oh my god, are you okay? And then the kid will start just seeing their reaction and compared to when they say, okay, here we go, we're up, we're fine, and then they'll be fine to shake it off. I think it's a very good skill to have in life because you're gonna chake a lot of stuff off. And when you're at age like nothing really like you're a foot and half tall, you're falling on the ground. You know what I mean? You go on that far right. I didn't want to talk about this. This This was sent in by somebody in Marianne who got dumped via text, which I think we're anti anti the text to dump. Sure, I think we're past that. I was gonna read it to you because she wants to know why guys sends stuff like this. She says, Hey Maryanne. He says, hey, marry Anne. I hope you had a good weekend. Sorry, I was so m I A. My work retreat was fun, but this bronchitis was kicking my butt. Anyway. I wanted to reach out to you because I think it's probably best for me that I take a step back and focus on things other than a relationship. Truth is, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment upon realizing my next three week agend it's not until March fourteenth. Emoji with the sick face. Yeah, I don't know how that fits. I'm not sure how that happened, but with me being so busy, it does not seem fair to only be able to half heartedly pursue a relationship with someone. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you and think you are very attractive, smart, funny, and of extreme quality. I just don't see myself being able to take the time to pursue you the way I want to or the way I think you deserve. I hope this makes sense. I would love to remain friends, and who knows what will happen in the future. Not sure if you think I oh and quotes you an explanation, but I personally feel like we had enough of a connection and wanted to be forthright and clear with you so that there was no gray area. Perhaps when it's warmer, you can teach me tennis. I hope you enjoy slash, enjoyed your family time. What's the douche level on this one? Pretty high? It's pretty so I think. So I kind of want to just be a contrarian though, and like we should fight over this, so I'll take Let me say I'm I'm anti this guy for the sake of the argument. Let's let's go Okay, let's find out how long have they been dating. That's the biggest question, mar, because I'm actually not against a text message ending things. If it was one or two dates, Judging the sheer length of this message, I'm going to say it was a while, it was more than one or two dates, or maybe he was just trying to be Overlea. Now, this is at least a ten date minimum length text. You can't determine that. I object. Your forensic analysis proved that they've been on at least ten dates. Also, they're on amoji level too. He can send emojis and text that's pretty. You know, that's pretty. That is a level to achieve. So I disagree. I feel like guys tory can do. Guys send emojis to you all the time that you don't really know. Well. I think when you're sending a breakup text, you're like trying to make light of it. So I don't think you could really put that as a level of how Yeah, he's been like, oh, I'm so what about your football point? Does he send emojis? He definitely doesn't, I think, so I send so many so I black out all the others. Yeah, I'm a big emoji spporter as well. I also think that he is dating another woman and he is trying to let her down quote unquote gently. Where are you getting this information from? Um? I just think that he was a little too overly complimentary. You're so attractive, funny, smart, and of extreme quality, but I just don't have any time, you know? Is that him keeping her on the bench a little bit? Like? Probably? The thing is this guy definitely has time, like if he wants to, like you, don't I agree with Like, if you want to have time for someone, you'll make time for them. But all this person is doing is like, look, he could be like, look, I'm busy. I might not be able to see you very much, but I would still like to talk to you. That's like, that's how you would maintain the relationship. But in my opinion, Jake is dating another woman and he likes that prospect a little bit more. Maybe she's of a little bit more extreme quality, and he's doing her best to let Maryan down lightly here. I don't think he sucks because I'm trying allending this guy. You know, I'll take it. Would you rather be ghost it or do you have a weird text that you're like, at least I know it's like the guy like owned up, like a phone call. Maybe maybe not even a phone call. I think I would actually prefer a text. Just shoot me a text, let me think about it, or not respond like the message move on. But like you're not getting ghosted, And if you're on the phone, you would have been like, oh that's cool. No, yeah, totally fine to get it and get it. I'm busy too. We're giving you a text. It's a cop out. Take it. When the bar that you're comparing everything too is the one that's in the dirt, everything is obviously gonna look a little bit better than everything is better than She's right. Ghosting is so common. Right now, he's literally owning up that. He's like, I'm not here. I understand that ghosting is common. That doesn't mean ghosting isn't Ghosting is the worst thing you could possibly do when you break up with someone, right Just because this is one step up from that, it doesn't make it an okay thing to do, not a one step up. He's clearly expressed guys don't talk about their emotions, and he's literally saying, hey, I'm really at capacity. But because you're breaking up with someone, you're not going to be like, hey, you kind of suck. Sorry, You're gonna be like, hey, I'm actually so sorry, Like I enjoyed her time, I really did it. Just it's all going to sound like BS when you're in a breakup, because you're like, screw you, you're breaking my heart. But like he's he's literally expressing that, like how many dates? How many dates do you get to the level where breakup text is ridiculous? Like, for example, if he did go on ten dates, do you think he should have texted her or called her or saw her in person and broke up with her then? Or like there's a right way to break up with someone. Can we just clear the air on that too, because if you're gonna call, it's still awkward. You're not gonna feel great. Like you're always going able to critique somebody's breakup, but if they're dating for three months, I think a text message is dumb. I mean, I think it could maybe do a phone call, but I still would be like, okay, by you still feel weird of This guy is very complimentary. He has said that she is extreme quality, of extreme quality, written more funny, attractive. It's written like we put ten thousand like lame breakup text in you an ai that wrote its own. That's what it sounds like. That's exactly what I think too. I think that breakup texts are fine depending on the length of the relationship, right, but this guy, something about the length of the message really just irks me. Like he was he didn't want to he wanted to seem overly nice, right, and so that's why he was like overly descriptive out here. Just kicked my leg, he wrote, he wrote so much and tried to like over like he almost like over analyzed and over explained why he was trying to be breaking someone. No, No, I think I would rather honestly have the four paragraphs and like at least you feel a little guilty into it. Yeah, listen, if if they've been dating for long enough to where he feels like he needs to make her feel good about the breakup, he should have either called her or done it face to face. And the fact that he texts your proves that they've been dating longer than you think. The long text message. But he's too much of a coward to make that phone call, and he's making up excuses, Oh I'm busy until much fourteen. Oh, but you're so beautiful and of extreme quality, but I just don't think you're great for me right now one or two days and over the top be a text if he kind of just ghosted her, and then that would have been and everybody would have forgotten the situation. She's as great as he's making out text, he wouldn't be breaking up with her, and he's making the decision for her. He's saying, I don't think that you would appreciate me because I'm not going to be free until March fourteenth, and because of that, I'm breaking up with you. That's not very click at that. I don't like I wouldn't like that either. I'd be like, okay, don't throw that in. Would just what would you want to have them say that? Or him being fully honest and saying, well, I don't think we're I guess we're. Full honesty can be scarring, That's what I mean. You never go full honesty. I disagree. I think this guy sucks. Jake, you suck, Maryanne, You're better off without it. Let's not say the name. No, what says names right there? Story If you got this text from a guy, would you respond to it? Would you say, oh, yeah, I'm busy too, thanks by, I'd love to teach you tennis. Or would you just do a love That's that's the that's the cherry on top of the friendship right there. I think I'd feel like I think I would just say, hey, you know, good luck with all your work aspirations, and just like make it back in his like, if he wants to make it so corporate, then just take it corporate back. I would just like the message. I wouldn't even respond to it. Such a low and very Anne. When you see Jake post with his new Instagram boo in three months, look back at this podcast episode, and Dean and Mark will sit here saying we told you text us if that happens, you would just do the thumbs up in the corner and that's it. It's so dumb right now. I think that is the perfect response level here because I've had such a difficult time defending this guy. Honestly don't know he's not he said, not sure if I quote, oh you an explanation what listen. I'm not saying it was the perfect text, but at least he communicated to her that I have things going on and you don't line up with And who says of extreme quality? Is this like King of Scotland over here? I think it's a quality Listen at the end of the day, and you'd make a good wife one day. At the end of the day. It's an agree to disagree. Some people are right some people but we can all agree on is that the bar is so low for dudes nowadays that this actually clears it. And that's sad and totally trying to get to earlier too. What do you Mark says that it makes so upset it's because of his purple shirt. We would love to hear your opinions on this. Email us I suck at Dating at iHeart media dot com. Do you think Jake did the right thing by texting Maryanne this long breakup text or do you think it's a little shady? I personally think it was shady. And also, would you prefer a text message a phone call? Ghost like? Okay, obviously nobody's gonna want to Honestly, we're in this place. Nobody would want to have you sit down and be like, hey, I'm gonna buy Would you rather have a turd in your sandwich, expired bologna in your sandwich, or a nice Italian sandwich from so But obviously I'll take the Italian time if I have to eat the expired bologny. My point is just because the worst thing, just because it's better than the worst thing, doesn't make it a good thing. That's my point. It's very understandable and very Yeah, email us at I suck at Dating at iHeart media dot com. We would love to hear your take on this. Also, email us some of your weird breakup texts that you've received. Can we call this episode expired? Maloge is better than a turn too many words, A subway foot long is slightly better than ex email us I Sucky Dating at iHeart media dot com. We would love to hear from you, maybe some advice that you heard from dr Ish that you're gonna be willing to implement in your own relationship as well. Be sure to check him out on Marriage boot Camp, Reality Stars premiering this week on we tv um and what Else. Jared, that's it. Keep following us on Instagram, Well maybe we'll get a couple of more followers. Guys were getting there, We're getting there. We're not getting their congratulations to us on going that page so much. Anyways, I'll do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. Be sure to tune in next week, where maybe we will suck just a little bit less. 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