Hell I Suck At Dating with Denglert and Dared Haven, and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an all new episode of help I Suck At Dating. I'm Jared Haven joined by Dean Anglert. Sorry I missed the last couple episodes. When we were recorded last week, I was doing a catering event on a boat for Audrey's. Ironically enough, it was the same boat that Ashley and I had for our welcome party all those years ago when we got married. So it was a little bit of a full circle moment because it was the same wedding planner, Troy, the same videographers lorev on the same boat, and then here I was. I wasn't the groom anymore. I was not the center of attention. I was the sandwich guy I was handing outside welcome party. I don't know, it's just like for like, because our wedding wasn't a destination because we live in Rhode Island, but it was a destination for you guys or for you know, we know a bunch of people across the country, so we wanted them when they got to Rhode Island. That was like a part of the wedding family. That doesn't live right now, and a little bit of like, hey, this is like the kickoff weekend Friday night. You know we're gonna do the boat. Uh, Dean was supposed to be on it. But then and then all of a sudden, I got a phone call. But you know what's so funny I was thinking about this is when you called me and you're like, hey, man, like my flight got rescheduled and I can't make it tonight. Like I'm not getting into a level blah blah blah. I can't believe I fell for it. I can't believe I was like, oh, his flight was rescheduled. They're canceled or delayed, instead of being like he obviously just missed it. But anyway, but wait a second, are you sure I wasn't there for that? Because I remember there was one thing where I wore this like white and tan striped shirt and then I showed up and the venue had a white and tan striped like canvas tent thing. Okay, that wasn't on a boat. Do you not remember not being on a boat? Was that much of a blur? Well, the rehearsal didn't was like on the water, and so I thought that I might have like stepped into a boat at some point and it just felt like it was still on the ground. You know what I mean? Fair point? Fair point? Um, that is one of the full circle we missed you last week. I do have a lot of questions to ask you about your life over the past uh seven days, because it seems like you've been living your best one over the past week or so. But before we get into any of that stuff, I don't think you've introduced Piper yet. Who is our co host with us this week? Piper James. You know you love her from Bachelor in Paradise Season seven. I believe, man, there's getting to be a lot of those. Um, Piper, Hello, Hello, I'm so excited to be here. Yeah. I don't know what Bachelor's season like, Bachelor in Paradise season, I don't know what year it is, but I'm happy to be here. It's gonna be crazy in like twenty years when it's like Baschel in Paradise season and you're like, wait what, Um, But welcome to the podcast. We're happy to have you. You are living in New York, right and I figured that's where you got to be right now. You got some nice art on the walls back there. But what's what's news since the last time we you? What's been going on in your life? Not much and then a little bit of everything. I mean, New York is crazy right now. So me and my roommates Serena Chew from The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise, we've been looking for a new apartment. Let me tell you, it is impossible to find a place to live in New York. Like we will find a place put it put like our application and it's already gone by that afternoon. Like it's been wild. So pretty much trying to figure out how to live in New York, traveling a little bit, it's pretty much it. Well, let's walk through the what is it like to be a renter in New York? Because we just had to find a new place in Los Angeles and I'll tell you the same. It was not easy. Granted we found the first place we saw was the place we ended up getting, but that's just because Caitlin is super proactive about it. Um is it is it like as big of a pain in the butt as I'm sure it is, because like everyone wants to rent out there and everything gets snacked up, snatched up super quickly. Like what's like the main challenge. Yeah, I mean I've heard it's really similar to how l A is right now. It's mainly like you prices are ridiculous. Like our rent was we got it in COVID, so it was like, i'll just say it was, we have three bedroom they gave us our renewal. It was we were like, absolutely not not for this tiny little apartment. Like it's it's three bedrooms technically, but like their tiny bedrooms, Like we're like, we're out of here. So it's kind of just been a lot of that, like trying to find something that's like in our budget, but then also isn't ridiculously tiny, Like it's it's impossible and they do it. It's that it's the worst right now. It's terrible. Yeah, actually, and I are looking for new playing. Is that legal? Yeah, yeah, it's it's it's well, there's like I know in New York and I think a lot of places there's laws about how much they can raise it. And I hit that that threshold. Yeah, there's only so much you can do. Uh. So you and Serena or roommates. So you guys were you guys both on the same season of The Bachelor. We were Yeah, oh okay, so I'm assuming you guys didn't know each other but became super close after the show. Yeah, exactly. It's been so funny how like such so many friendships formed from the show, Like you're competing for the same guy. It's like supposed to be. You know, it is reality TV, and there's drama and you argue so many people, but then it's just like one big family afterwards, and people live together, people have babies together. It's just crazy. How come you and Brendon I lived together because you are dating Brendan still right I am still dating Brendon. He's actually on his way to New York right now. He lives in Boston, like right outside of Boston, and that's where his work is is in the Boston area. Um, and I just love New York, so like I don't really want to move up there, and like I've said it like a few times before on like social media, but I kind of love long distance, especially being like fresh to New York. I love just like having that independence to do what I want in the city and then like we'll see each other traveled together so there's like so that prolonged honey neon period to our relationship, which is definitely super neat for for someone that doesn't know the area super well. How far apart are New York City and Boston, that's got to be a quick trainer at right, it's like a three and a half for our trainer, depending on the line, or it's like a forty five minute flight, so door to door, it's about the same if you take the train versus flying, but I honestly prefer flying. It's a little bit cheaper. That's not bad. And how let's talk about you and him a little bit. How are you guys doing. What's been going on with you? Guys? We're good. We're yeah, figuring it out. We're kind of like hitting our stride. Is like the distance goes, and like what we do and how often we see each other, So we're in like a good group of a good place right now. How often do you see each other? It's like every two weeks at this point. I think the longest we've gone is like three weeks, and that was when I was back home in Oregon for the holidays, and that was definitely really tough. So like so like every two weeks, you're feeling like that's a good it's a good time. Yeah, it's it's like a good and like we face I mean, like I'm so annoying. I loved face time, so I'm basediving him like every night whether like so it's not so we're talking every day, but like seeing each other every week every two weeks. How the hell did you guys get back together? Because, like I guess I remember, you guys left the show together and then broke up if I remember correctly. After the show. No, there was rumors that we woke up. We never broke up, but it was kind of just like circulating and we were like, no, we're just not like actively posting together or anything like that. Um. And I know that Brendan was trying to kind of like take the heat off of me, so he was like, you know, say, like unfollowed me and was just kind of like direct all of your hatred or whatever towards him me. Um. And so like I think there was a period where people thought we broke up because we weren't being super public about our relationship, but we we've been together ever since the show. I could have swore that I saw maybe it was just a news article. I thought one of you posted something about, like our relationship came to an end. We tried. I obviously made that up in my head. So you guys ever broke up? You guys love Paradise together, and even through all the rumors, that was all fake? Yeah, all fake? Well, Jared, do you know how reliable of sources like US Weekly and all of them are. They're always spot on or help I suck at dating? Obviously we're very spot on? Did that's it? Why did I think that? Then? Then neither one of you guys posted anything about, like, you know, we tried, it didn't work out. What the hell am I thinking of? No? I mean we're also like sorry, if you can hear the sirens, k um, yeah, we I mean I don't think either of us are even like dramatic enough to be like guys. I think that it's come to a conclusion like that's not even like in our personality type. So yeah, that's that was not us. I've got to a question for you, Piper, So coming off of your season at Bachelor in Paradise, and I can only ask this question because Calein and I had a similar Ish experience. I wouldn't say it was the exact same, but it had some similarities. Um, a lot of like the negativity you received from people. Do you feel like it might have brought you guys closer or was it a bit of a hurdle to overcome sometimes? Um, I think it definitely brought us closer. I mean it was like, I'm like a very anxious person. I've talked about that a little bit, but you know, it's something that I don't try to lead with when I'm in a relationship, a new relationship with somebody, and he got to see like all sides of my anxiety and everything, which I do think was like that vulnerability did help. And then you know, it's kind of like your one person in the world that gets the experience because you're going together, So you havebfinitely have that. I'll tell you what when when Kim and I came off batchlor in Paradise, Uh, we were met with a little bit of negativity as well, and there were some moments that were pretty challenging, at least from my perspective. And I'm sure she would say the same. I just don't want to speak for her, but I do think like after it was all said and done, it did end up bringing us closer together because, like you were saying, yeah, it's like you're going through this with one other person and then you have like that like thing to co miserate about. I don't know, there's something to be said about it, and it's it's weird to think about, but it really does like kind of bond you a little bit more than just coming off and like having everything be perfectly fine and you know, I don't know, Yeah, yeah, you don't really have that honeymoon phase. It's kind of like that trauma bond and then you kind of get to the honeymoon phase later, so that it definitely fun. Yeah, Or you could have taken the Jared and Ashley route and just messed around for four years until eventually coming to atally just be friends for like two and a half years, guys, and then everything's gonna work out the end. I want to talk about Paradise as well, obviously going into it, because you guys were accused of pretty much planning everything, which one I want to say off the bat way, more people do than than than the audience knows. Like so many people especially now talk before the show and then go into it and then they're like like, Okay, I'll give I won't say who it is, but I know for a fact there was a couple. I'm I don't think they're together anymore. But point is, I know for a fact that there are people that have talked on the show, went on the show, lied about it, and it was never it was never brought up, never brought They're not together. What you can say who it is? I got it. Uh, well I'll think about it. Let me think about it first. But Piper, I want to talk to you about, like you and Brandon Brandon before the show, what was like your whole idea going into Paradise. What were your thoughts, Like, did you guys think it was gonna happen the way it happened? Yeah, I mean to our dutchment need, neither one of us had seen Paradise um, so that friend like, there was no planning to be had because we didn't know really what we were walking into. I'd seen like clips of seasons because Chelsea Vaughan, who was also on the season, she's one of my best friends. She was like, Okay, this is kind of what it is, and I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, and this is before I even thought I was going on at all. Um. But yeah, Brendon and I had hung out a few times, I mean, Jared to your point, like with other people that were on the show that we're on that season, Um, nobody also the other people were dating or anything like that. It was just we knew people from the show, as we all do. Um, and Brendon one on the show. He was there before I was. I left probably a week after he did to to fly to Paradise. There wasn't any planning. I think that if there was planning, things would have gone a little better for us. But I think that the whole issue was, like I was just being really honest about my feelings and maybe he wasn't being as honest on the beach, but I had no way of knowing that I walked in just as blind as everybody else. Yeah, so what was he thinking because he was the one that looked Now it's all coming back to me, poor Brendon, because uh, you know, he's a Boston guy, so I want to support the local guys. But he did not look at it, So like, yeah, what was his thoughts about why didn't he just be honest, but like, yeah, I met Piper, and I think she's coming down and I kind of want to, you know, hang out with her. Yeah, I mean I I honestly don't know what his thought process was there, And there's like I think that he thought. I think he thought he was doing what was best in terms of like, okay, because he didn't know. When he left for the show and I was still at home, he was like, I hope you come, but I had made up my mind for sure yet, So I think he was also trying to explore the relationships and having something in the back of his mind like Piper could be walking onto this beach any day now, um. And I think that there was obviously that hope that he would see me, and just as I was hopeful that I would get there, he wouldn't be like I'm leaving with somebody else and I'm engaged in whatever like that. That was obviously a fear of mine. But yeah, I don't I don't think that he was like a hundred percent sure that I was coming. Therefore, he was like, let me, let me explore what else is out there. And just to be clear for the listeners of this podcast out there. Everyone, as Jared kind of lived to, everyone kind of goes in with a plan, whether it be a plan for yourself or a plan with someone else, whatever it is. Everyone kind of goes in with like an idea of what they want to do, um, myself included. And I just I want to stress that the plans never go exactly as you drop them up in your head, whether it's for yourself, whether it's with someone else. I had so many like delusions of things that I was going to be doing and like like things I was gonna be wearing, and like literally not a single one of those things ever happened in any of the seasons of The Bachelor that I was ever on. UM. So it's like, I guess I want to like stress the point that, like even though you might have like an idea or a plan of what you're gonna do, it like never ends up coming to fruition, at least in my case, Like I never successfully pulled off one of my plans going into one of the shows, you know, for better or for worse. I guess, yeah, yeah, I think that that's such a good point. Like even like thinking back to the Bachelor, I had a plan of even the dress I wanted to night one, and that it was completely out of my control. So it's like you don't know what you're walking into at any point time. Yeah, And that's kind of what I'm saying to Like, I had outfits where I was like, well, I'm gonna wear this and it's gonna be a big statement, and then I like never end up wearing it. I'm like, well, why why did I think this is such a good idea going down there? And I'm not even talking about like big plans, Like it could be any size. It could be small as like an outfre as big as you know, something, whatever it might be. I guess all I'm saying is you never really know what you're gonna do or how you're gonna act until you're down there and it's actually happening, you know. Oh, totally like I think for a Bachelor rat. For me, I didn't have plans. It was more of like I went in. I mean, I wanted to make it far obviously, I didn't want to get eliminated night won, but I set my bar like really low. I had very low expectations. I didn't bring that many clothes, like I didn't want to you know how you know, how you put things into the universe. I was like, I don't want to put bad ju ju in the universe. I just want to like not plan for anything and just go in and whatever the hell happens happens. And then obviously I look back and I'm like, I wish I just brought more clothes. I looked like a stooge, Like I wish I'd cleaned myself up more. I wish I brought more clothes, especially with a hanging around with other guys like you know, who are so well dressed and everything fits so perfectly, and they're you know, I'm like, god, damn it, I really screwed this one up. For yeah, for Bachelor, And I told one of my best girlfriends that I was going on the bachel Threat and uh, I was like, but Natalie, like, I don't have any clothes. I don't know what to wear. And she goes like, oh, just wear your regular clothes. Uh, You'll be fine. And I was like watching. I watched like two episodes before I went, and I was like, man, these guys all look so dapper and and composed, and here I am shrown up in like T shirts and sneakers, and I'm like, I'm not gonna fit it at all. But then watching it back, I was like, you know what, I My outfits did hold they hold their own against the people that I was going on dates with Rachel, like against if you know what I'm saying. And then when I went to Paradise, I showed up and all I had was swim trunks and tank tops basically. And I get there and they're like, so you got like your Rostary money outfits and I was like, yeah, I'm just gonna wear trunks and you know, a T shirt. And they're like, no, no, no, no, we have to go to the They took me to like the gift shop at the hotel and I had to buy like three pairs of pants, and so I don't know. It's like I'm saying, it's it's all a plan up here until you get there and I realize it's never gonna actually happen that way. Um, but that's not you're here nor there. Um. Back to Piper. Back to Piper, Piper coming off the show, did you guys, uh, didn't you guys go on like a trip somewhere? Did you guys, go to like Coasta, Rica or something after the show. Yeah, we went to We've been a few places. We went to a Ruba for Brendon's birthday November. How is it traveling together? Do you guys travel well together? Oh? Yeah, And that's like a huge thing for me because I love travel, Like if you ask me my hobby, I'm like traveling like whatever that entails. Um, So yeah, we travel super well together, especially like car rides because I hate being in the car and like living in New York, I don't drive. So we have like a good groove road tripping places and flying. So that's been good. Yeah, super important to be able to travel with your partner. Um, what is your like what is your guys biggest uh? Like argument always about you know, like some couples have like the little things that they get under each other's skin about do you guys like have that? Yeah, that's so funny because we since we started, when we came up the show started officially dating, Um, we've had the same argument probably a hundred and fifty times about going to the gym. Like we for whatever reason, we cannot get on the same page about like when one person wants to go to the gym, Like I'm a morning gym person and Brandon in like a strictly afterwork person. Um, and sometimes like all go at noon to break up my work day. And so whenever he comes to New York or whenever I go to Boston, we cannot figure it out. And for whatever reason, it is constant pickering in our relationship, and it's always like, let's figure out, Like right now, when he's driving to New York, He's like, I'm going to go to the gym before I drive, so we don't have to have the fight when I get to New York. We're going to the gym or not. Yeah, but that's good. If that's your biggest fight, that's a good good sign. I would say, yeah, that's like our our most consistent Obviously everybody has situational fight. But yeah, and for the record, I uh, well, I guess I don't know. I'm I'm I'm in different on either one. I like mornings are good if I can motivate myself to get to the gym, but I just like to go when it's not going to be busy, you know what I mean, Like you go at like six pm and you're screwed because every machine or every place is taken, So I kind of I'm kind of on your side when it comes to that. Sorry, I was just looking up because I'm so sorry. I'm still stuck on the I can't believe that you guys didn't break up. That's because I was just looking up. I'm like, where did I see this? And there was an US Weekly article that said US confirmed that you guys broke up, but then you were on People like a month later saying that you guys are working through things and that you guys didn't break up. Yeah, that was like the whole conversation of like, and I went on one of the Bachelor podcasts and talking to Beta and she was like, did you guys break up? And I'm like, no, that was a rumor. Like you literally can't believe everything you read. Um and like one of the publications that wrote something about like us breaking up email me and I was like, we're so sorry, we got this wrong. And I'm like, well, you never asked me, so that's why you got it wrong. We had a remember when Caitlin and I were just starting dating, and I think it was in Paradise was still airing or maybe like right after it just finished and uh, this girl that works at the News that I know texted me and she said, hey, I'm running this article about you and Kaylin, about how rocky your relationship is right now. And I was like sitting right next to Kalin in the car and I looked over her at Kalen. I was like, heys, our relationship rocky right now? And she goes, no, what are you talking about. Eything's perfect, and I go, yeah, that's what I thought. Um, for some reason, E News is running an article about how uh turmoil or tumultuous our relationship is right now. I was like, this is the dumbest thing in the world, right little whatever they want without confirming anything. Yeah, and people eat it up and be like. I mean, I was getting like hate messages or like mean comments or people being like I'm so sorry you guys broke up, and I was like, did we work up of a breakup? Yeah? Yeah, it's so weird. I mean, first of all, whoever rights hate messages needs to relax, Like there's no purpose in sending messages like that to someone that you don't know. Listen, of course, it's a TV show. You're supposed to get angry, you're supposed to get piste off. While you're watching it, you're like, oh, that person sucks with that person is great, Like I get it. You know how many times people have probably saw me on TV and be like that guy is the worst. But it's just like a part of the show. That's what happens. We put ourselves on TV. But the act of writing it, I always say, like, you can talk about people, like it's not good to talk about people behind their back, but like you would never go up to someone and be like, you know what, I hate you and like and so like, don't write it. Don't write to someone I hate you. And I wanted to ask you about that because you know, now it's all coming back to me about Paradise, and I remember two questions. One have you spoken to Natasha since the show? And then secondly, it's so weird because yes, I don't condone what Brandon did. I remember now what Brendan what was coming back to me. But it's so tough because one, I'm way like I believe in forgiveness and learning and in maturing, but I also what I don't believe in is like I feel like people go so overboard. Then that's the hate messages. You can say like, hey, like I don't agree with what he did, but like you take it to such an extreme when you message people and be like I hate you. That makes sense. Yeah, no, absolutely, Um, yeah, I haven't spoken a Tuna Tosh. I've reached out several times in different forms. Um, I've seen her in person, like from a distance, but like her body language made it very clear that she didn't want to talk to me, which is absolutely fine. Um, but yeah, I've reached I've talked to her in the sense that I've reached out, but I haven't received a response. I know. Same for Brendan. Um, I have her number. Brendon doesn't remember, so he deemed her. But it was also kind of like in the midst of everything going on, so who knows, it could have got lost in the DMS. You never know, So we both tried to reach out. I haven't got a response, but yeah, no. I I also don't condone friend and did. Brandan's not proud of what he did. That's that's kind of is what it is. And I think that he's established his peace on that and I've established my peace. We both apologized. UM. I talked about how I wanted to apologize to Natasha personally, but if she wasn't open to hearing that, then I'm not going to push the subject. And if she doesn't want to talk about it, that's absolutely fine. UM. Yeah, I don't think that there's any situation in which anybody's feeling should be hurt. And I understand it watching something on TV, for for anybody, for any viewer, could bring up feelings of something that's happened to you. UM, and I apologize for that if my behavior led to anyone feeling any type of way after watching on TV. But I yeah, I never think that I hate comment is warranted. I don't think that a death threat is ever warranted. I don't think that that's ever. There's never an appropriate time, no matter how hurt you're feeling, to use your words to mentally harm somebody else, because you're never you never know how they're going to take it. UM. If you have an issue with me with brendon the situation, that is absolutely fine, But I would either free keep it to yourself or address it in a way that is open to conversation rather than being like I hate you're the worst, kill yourself whatever, because that's that's not okay, and that's not a conversation, and you're just trying to harm somebody, and you're just a jerk. You're the jerk if you say yes, you know I am. I don't. I don't understand well, and and maybe it's just my ignorance speaking, but well, first, I guess I wanted to say that all this happened almost exactly a year ago, which is crazy to think about because it's a long time and uh, you know, in my opinion, I think people should eventually be able to move on. But I don't remember. I don't remember why Natasha would have any real reason to be upset, Like I guess she was the one talking to Brendan before you had gotten there. But other than that, like, that's basically what paradise is is, uh, you know, dating someone until they find a better connection, or if they don't find a better connection, then you continue to date them yourself. It's not like I mean, I sure, maybe it wasn't the most ideal scenario, but I don't think it's anything to really like dwell on and be super upset about into into perpetuity. You know, in my opinion, at least from what I remember at least, Yeah, I mean I would agree with that, but I don't want to devalue her feelings in any way. I think that from what from my understanding, you know, and this was a year ago, so like trying to remember back, I think that she felt lied to and led on because I was she think. I think in her eyes, she thought that Brendan always knew that I was coming, and that was not the case. I didn't even know that I was coming. So I think that she was she felt like she was used from week to week until I got there for Brendan and I to be together, which I understand how the optics of that could could be very hurtful, that you felt like you were being led on that wasn't the case. But if that's her feelings, and I absolutely I don't want to take that away from her. But you're absolutely right, Dean, like Paradise is about dating anybody that you want to date, to find that connection for your person, and that's that's like what real life is too. Yeah, yeah, I mean, come on, no, I think that's well said, Piper. I think that's really well said, and so you guys have moved on, and we're very happy for you. I'm glad that you guys are still together, because you guys did leave in such a timurtious way, and and I like, I'm sure, um, I'm sure. It just was hard, and so it's good to see that you guys have made it work, and especially like in New York Boston. You know, I feel like this country just really needs to come together. And I think that's good symbolism right there, New York and Boston. It's like I I was in New York earlier this week. I gotta I gotta admit, I'm just not in New York. I never have been, never will be. I mean, like sports also has generated that, like my hate for the Yankees, Giants, all that good stuff. But uh yeah, just like the city. Damn, I don't know how you do it, dude. We were pushing Dawson because so we had to go for this event with our formula company, which is really great. Their name is Bobby. They're the best. And uh, we're pushing Dawson and a stroller down the streets of New York City and just that city is not made for babies or kids. Holy hell. It feels like we're just in intruding, you know, with a baby. It just feels that way. I'm like, oh God, everybody hates us. We're in everybody's way. Everybody is flying past us, We're in their way, and I'm like, God, get me out of here. Like I'm just raise kids, and people raise kids in the city though right, like it's it's probably not super common, but I don't see it. I see no babies. I mean you don't see them. They're at home or you'll see like during the day, like the nanny's with the kids. But don't take it personally because in New York, everybody's in everybody else's way. Like if you're not speed walking down the sidewalk, then you were in somebody's way. So it wasn't a personal attack on having a baby. It's just the reality of being New York. It sounds like a Seinfeld episode, but if they didn't make one, maybe they would make any one. Um. All right, well, Piper, thanks for thanks for bearing all with us on that a little bit. We're thank you for being open. Yeah, we're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna get right back into this episode with hopefully not any dating topics, but I do know that there's a couple that Jared has died to get into, including Andy Cohen's dating site usage. So uh, stick around through the break. We'll be right back right everybody, welcome back to help I suck at dating. We're gonna get to some emails real quick. But before we do that, I want to, well, Jared and I both want to, I guess, talk about real quick. Becat Tilly Hard launching her relationship with Haley on Instagram. Um, Jared, what are your thoughts about this? Oh my god, I'm so happy Becca are a good friend and our fellow podcaster with I heard radio checker out scrubbing in. Not that she needs more listeners because they're like a three times People's Choice Award winner. If anything, they should be putting listeners over this way. Anyway, that's beside the point where we're congratulating Becca for her relationship hard launch with Hailey Kiyoko. I think is how you say your last name? Becca just posted on Instagram with caption hard to say if this is a Harder self launch, but it is a launch hashtag, Um, Jared, what do you think? Yeah? I mean, first I just want to say that we're only doing this to try to steal some listeners from scrubbing in, because like, who else really cares? Obviously, we just care about the listeners over here. Uh, listen, this is great, I Becca. You know a lot of people come up to me, and I'm sure they come up to you and they ask about our fellow Bachelor alum and they're like, what are they like in real life? Like? What are they like in real life? And a lot of times I say, they're exactly what you think they are or there you know there because if you follow them on Instagram, they are who you know they're They're very raw and real. And with Becca, you know, I double down on that because everybody, you know, she puts out this. Yeah, everybody thinks she's so sweet and so endearing and honest, and the truth is she is. She is that sweet and she is that good of a person and a of Becca, she's Ashley is very good friends with her, and I've become close with her as well through really podcasting, you know, being able to see her in a weekly basis at the Our Heart studio and then you know, being able to take these trips. That's something we used to be able to take before the pandemic, you know, for I heart events, and we'd always hang out together, all of us, like all the podcasts, and uh, you know, she's been with Hailey for a while now, and uh, it just they're so happy together, and uh, bec is such a great person and I couldn't be happy for honestly, it's just a it's a it's a great day. Uh yeah, I would. I would echo all of that stuff too. I love to talk as much crap as I can about former contestants, included any chance I get. Whenever anyone asked me like, oh, what's this person like, I'm always like, oh, they suck her the worst. I don't even don't even waste your time. But whenever Becky gets brought up, yeah she's great. I've never met anyone that's ever had any single thing bad thing to say about Becca. She is, Uh, she's awesome, and I'm just super happy for her. It's you know, I'm I'm sure it's never easy for someone to uh put themselves out there the way that she just did, even just through this Instagram post, and so, uh, you know, a lot of props to her for doing that, and you know, I know she she's she knows what she's doing for herself. She's taken, she took her time, and I'm really happy for them, and I'm excited to get to finally watch some nice, lovey dovey content out of her because she has been she ever since going on The Bachelor Ben's season. It seems like she's never really been in a relationship with anyone. So it'll be fun to see like this new side of Becca, you know, like the the girlfriend's side where she gets to post like the cute stuff and uh not have to worry about any one or anything and just kind of do what she wants to do. So UM, happy for her. I can't wait to see what what continues to unfold for them. So that's that's said. Let's get to some emails. We have East in here with his in and out shirt, which is uh, I don't know. I'm more of a shake shock guy. But continuing, it's what a hammering is all about. Let's see some emails. This first one's from Macy. I hope it's Macy Gray. I've been dating my boyfriend since college, so going on seven years now. He used to bring me flowers once a week, planned date nights, pick up coffee for me on Sunday morning, etcetera. He doesn't do any of those things anymore, and I don't want to have expectations, but I miss it. I don't ask for much, but I want him to make an effort like he used to. Am I being unrealistic? Do I tell him how I feel and how I missed those little moments of him making me feel special? Rob listen, Okay, I don't know if anybody else, uh. I don't want to sound like a dick, but as a guy who has done things like this in the past and maybe doesn't do them as much anymore because we're further in the relationship and I put aing on it. I gotta admit, Macie, he just like it's just like he's not gonna do that, and he'll do it sometimes hopefully doesn't sometimes, but come on, it's seven years of the relationship, like get your own coffee. Not so much. I didn't mean it that way. I just meant, you know, it's tough because I guess I get frustrated at it because Ashley presents the same thing to me where she's like, we're not romantic anymore. We don't do anything anymore, like you used to do little things for me, and I'm like, I'm trying, but like, we have a kid, we have the business. We've been dating for so long. Our relationship has changed, our love has changed for better. I would like to think it's not in that like, oh, we you know, do dishes together and it's the cutest thing. It's like someone's gonna do the dishes right now and someone else is gonna get time for themselves. Like that's our relationship and it's not a bad thing. It's just changed. So I guess that's why I have like personal investment in this question, because I'm like, like, that is Ashley incognito here and writing this in as may see. Did you guys ever watch Scrubs? The TV show from like the late nineties? Great show? Anyway, I was randomly watching it the other day because it was on TV and I used to love it. So I was watching it, and for the five or ten minutes I was watching it, this exact topic was brought up. It was Turk's girlfriend and him. I can't remember Turk's girlfriend's name, but she goes, hey, you're not romantic with me anymore. I used to come home from working be so romantic and turkos yeah, baby, because that's when I was still trying to get into your delicates. And it's like it's true, like, honestly, as bad as it is to say, guys at the beginning of the relationship are trying to put their best foot forward behavior. It's not that it's not that they love you any less. It's just that the romance changes and the love evolves, and sometimes uh, some things like those gestures like getting flowers and stuff. Uh you know, not that they take a back seat, but that just transforms into another way of expressing your affection. And I think that it's important to take note of those things when they happen, you know, Like I mean, does he have to get you coffee every Sunday? Like one Sunday every month? Is that Okay? That's pretty good, right? Adjust the expectations. Yeah, I think that it's like definitely, like have a conversation about it, Like if that's something you expect to vocalize that, say something, but yeah, maybe change the expectation and then like do a do a really strong date night one night and be like this is our night to like fully go out on romance and then have that be it. Also, I want to play double's advocate here. I think, um that this don't I don't like the whole Like you've been in a relationship for so long, the relationship changes, you don't do don't do as many nice things for people anymore. Uh. I live in constant fear that my wife's gonna leave me. I don't think that it's I'm trying to think of like a healthy way to like to vocalize this, but it's unhealthy. I'm secure. I'm secure in our relationship because if she wants to leave me, she has to find a judge in a turn me. That's difficult, but I do. I do live in fear that she like that she's not going to love me anymore. And I know she's not going to. But I think that fear keeps me from becoming a big fat slob. It keeps me from not tweeting her the way I always have, UM and so. And that being said, like I don't like bring her like I you know, I brought her coffee in bed right before we started the podcast. I don't do that because I'm like, oh, if I don't do this, You're going to leave me. I just like I like that feeling from the early part of the relationship and I don't want to lose that, and so uh, and she does a lot of really nice stuff for me all the time. Um, So I don't know. That's just something like I'm not saying you should have like fear in your long term, secure relationship, but I think a little bit of it is good. I also, I want to say one thing to that, which Eastern that's so sweet and endearing and I love it, and you're such an amazing human being. Having said that, I do see that she is always going to movies that you love or watching shows that you love to watch, and like going to Cheesecake Factory or Disneyland. And I'm sure she enjoys these things as well. But I feel like there's a little compromise there where she does so much for you and you do so much for her. Would I be wrong in saying that, You're not wrong in saying that. So my point with Macy would be, like, you know, I'm sure he could probably do a better job of planning date nights and getting you coffee more often, and like just showing those little moments like hey, babe, I love you, I appreciate you. Um. But Macie, maybe maybe you could do something like that for him as well. Maybe you already do. I'm not sure it wasn't in this email. You could easily have done that. I would have a conversation let him know, like, Hey, those moments meant a lot to me. But maybe you could also show by example and be like, I love you so much. Here is something that I wanted to give to you or show you my appreciation. I want to hear what Easton has to say about what you just said, Jared, in regards to bringing her to She's kick factoring all those things. Easton, what's your what's your opinion on that? Well? She uh is very very patient. She's a very patient woman. And she uh she does indulge. She indulges me a lot. And and I mean, Jared has a point. It's a two way street. I think, Um, I think Macy. If Macy isn't doing anything to make this man feel special, then that then that's a problem. Um. But uh, I mean Allison does. It's it's uneven. D Allison does much more for me than I do for her. I have to I have to agree with that. Um. But but yeah, it's it's it's that's what marriage, that's what relationship is. It's uh it's And let me say, I think Ashley does way more for me than I do for her, and I need to start doing war as well. But like she goes, she like, like, we went to go see Top Gun earlier this week, and she planned it like she was the one who like planned everything, invited all our friends, like did the whole thing, and as much as she wanted to see top Gun, like, she really did it for me, you know so well, And that's what I wanted to get into as well, because Caitlin and I, uh, I don't want to say we argue about this, but it has been a point of conversation for us a couple of times where even just yesterday, on our way to dinner together, we like stopped by Lowe's to pick up some stuff for the backyard, and she goes, why don't you ever run errands with me? And I always run errands with you, or like she'll get invited to like a influencer party where she's like, hey, why don't you come to these influencer parties with me, and I always come to things like I always I'll like rock climb with you or I'll go hiking with you. And I'm like, and this is my logic, this is just how my brain works, messed up as it might be. I'm like, the things that I'm doing and inviting you too are significantly more enjoyable and better for your soul than going to like an influencer party and having to mingle around these little parties and stuff like that. So that's how I justify to my head where I'm like, I'm not going to go to these party because I don't want to, you know what, hang out with Cameron Diaz and I don't enjoy them. I honestly do not care like a supposed would be like see her from a distance, Cameron Das, Hey, cool, how are you? Um, it's just it's not enough of a of a draw for me to be interested in it. And and it's just it's it's hearing you guys say these things. It makes me not sad, but helps helps put things in a perspective for me, because I do think that things that I bring drag Kalin along with me too are are good and I don't think that, uh, some of those influencer parties are good for me personally just because then I get in a bad mood and no one wants me to be in a bad mood. Um. So that's where that's that's where I was coming from with all that kind of stuff paper. Between you and Brendan, who do you think, uh gives more in the relationship in that sense? That's actually such a good question because I think we both give in different ways because our love languages are super different. Like I am very much abouts of service and gifts. I love giving like physical things or like doing cool things, where Brendon's more about words of affirmation, which I suck at. Um. So I think that like we have a good system. Also, like the distance helps because like when we're doing stuff together, like we have to do things together because we're in each other's cities. But Frendon would agree with you, Deine. He hates going to parties, he hates like doing influencer events, and I love that stuff, but it's usually in New York where it's like my friends and the people that I know. Um, But we'll kind of do a thing like if we're in the same city for like, let's say like five days, we'll do each of us plans a date night, so we get to kind of like do something that we want to do and bring the other person to um. But it's like both of us get to experience together. So like I took him to it. We went to raman super casual than ice cream, and then went to a comedy show because I knew he would like the comedy show and I know he doesn't like big fancy dinners. And then for his date night, he took me to like a big fancy dinner with like a skyline view of New York, which is like, I'm boudjie, so I love that stuff. So it's like we have that that give and take where we both get to kind of benefit to see the other person's point of view, and then we get to separate for two weeks. And I'll tell you what, I think that's a good thing. You know. I think it's good that both people have their things and sometimes you don't want to do it, and then sometimes you can surprise them and treat them to it. I think it's a it's a healthy dynamic to have if you want. It's all about the given the take and and just knowing your partner, like knowing what they like, because I would never if I was planning a day night for friend and then never be like, let's go to the super busy social gathering where you have to be around a ton of people because he's just a little more introvert than that. And that's totally fine. Yeah, it's true. Uh yeah, I've been planning some things for Kalen, like a proposal perhaps, and I'm like, well, maybe I want to take her to where I want to go, but no, I should probably take her to where she wants to get. You get right over that. What do you mean you're planning a proposal. I'm just sitting right next door. Sorry, I'm trying to figure out a little bit. Well for this the purposes of this podcast, that will be the headline that we're sending to every single US weekly, and I'm speaking directly to US Weekly. Don't need to confirm that headline can say plans on proposing you guys on this podcast, that it's going to happen before the end of this year. So it's nothing new to you, guys. You know what I'm saying is you're actively planning it. Well, how yeah, I guess how active can someone really How active could I really be? You know, let's be honest. Well, I think it's like let me let me, let me make an analogy to a film like you were in the pre production stage of of like filming. Now you're in production. You are in production. It's happening. And the release date at late at the latest is December thirty one. Sure I would say it's still pre production, but you know, I'm not as a kin to the movies seen as you are. Um, I did want to talk to you, Jared about I don't maybe we shouldn't talk about it because you can go on and on forever, but I did want to dedicate at least a few minutes of this podcast for you to talk about top gun. I don't want to allow to if if we have time, well I don't know if we do. I doubt we we do. But well, let me let me end the podcast in this way too. Things is one Macie, thank you so much for your email. We really appreciate it. We wishing nothing but the best in your relationship. So please talk to your boyfriend. But let's, you know, think about what we all said. Uh, to Piper, thank you so much for joining us. You're the best Piper. You're sticking around because you're gonna do this Thursday's podcast with us, which is very exciting. And then thirdly before we go, yes, of course, Top Gun Maverick got to see it on Tuesday. It was incredible. It was such a great experience to see it in theaters. It's like it's Tom Cruise had a quote, uh in one of the interviews and they said, did you ever think about releasing this to streaming because we're supposed to come out And he said, no, I make movies for the big screen, and this is a movie for the big screen. And I love that so much because I love movies. I love going to movie theaters, and this is a movie that you should really see in theaters. And it's just a great movie. Uh. Tom Cruise is at the peak of he's just incredible. It's like watching Brady throw for four yards like nowadays, you know what I mean, where it's just like you're watching greatness happen and you just forget how great of an actor Tom Cruise is and how much of a superstar he really is. The visuals of this movie are incredible, it's emotional, it's a really great story. It was a lot of fun to watch, so I couldn't recommend it enough. Go see Top Gun Maverick, and that's going to do it For this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating, make sure you tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck just a little less. Follow help by Suck At Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast