SUCKERS with Caelynn Bell, Dean Bell, and Jared HaibonThe Newlyweds are ready to reveal some deep dark secrets with a game of “Would You Rather”, and you won’t believe what happened between Dean and Caelynn’s grandparents!
Dean and Jared hint at what you might find in their guy’s group chats if the FBI took a look.
And… are you dating a true psychopath?? We have some tips on what to look for.
Help We Suck At Being Newlywed?
With Dean Aungler, Haylen Miller Keys, and Jared haven An iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello everybody, and welcome to a sweet sensual episode of Help We Suck At Being Newly Weds? Why is it sensual, you may ask, Well, it's because we're going to talk in a sweet, low sexy voice of this the entire episode.
So buckle up, you're not even doing it right.
Get that lube ready.
This is where we're going, just lost.
We're going deep, and you want to make sure you're properly lubricated. It's it's a proverbial. It's a proverbial lube, you guys. It's a mental lube. Lube your brains for the deepness we're about to uncover and go towards.
I hate this so much.
What are we doing today, Kaitlin?
Today we are having a fun little game called would you rather?
I love? What you rather? Put a finger down? If you've talked about lube on a podcast, that's right, PG, would you rather?
Oh?
Yeah, all right, I have established I'm not smarter than a fifth grader. That's yeah?
Would you rather? We've never have you, guys ever done this on the podcast before.
I'm sure we have at something in extent some at some point in this four five years.
Could god, how that's all I need to know?
Uh?
Would you rather?
All right? Yeah? Would you rather? Obviously we all know the name of this game here? Would you rather do one thing over the other? So we'll do this a little rapid fire, go through these, answer a couple of emails.
Here we go.
Would you rather Dean and Kaylin are uh argue all night to resolve a conflict? Or and the argument unresolved before bed?
And the argument unresolved before bed?
I like to what's the first one?
What would you rather argue all night to resolve in issue? Or just go to bed with the argument?
Yeah?
Go to bed?
I need I need to think. I can't. I'm not like in the moment argue.
Argument, Kayln needs to go to bed, wake up, eat breakfast, have a cup of tea, and then we can continue the argument. I'm not arguing with Kaylen on an empty stomach and while she's tired, because no matter what, I'm losing that argument.
True.
I'm glad you learned Jared's Ashley.
Ashley is always like you can't go to bed mad, and I'm like, but listen, we're gonna wake up with cooler heads and everything's going to be fine. So I agree, go to bed, don't resolve it. He'll resolve itself in the morning, hopefully.
All right.
If not, you break up. Would you rather be embarrassed in front of your in laws or be embarrassed in front of your partner's boss. Oh, that's what we wouldn't want.
Are you my partner's boss. Who's my partner's boss? Easton?
Yeah, I'll take that then.
Sugar Sugarman.
Sugarman, Well, I mean, Sugarman and all of us have a funny relationship where we all embarrass ourselves in front of each other all the time, So I'll take that for sure.
Yeah, yeah, I do feel like you've been embarrassed in front of my grandparents.
Dean is like, you know, I embarrassed myself running joke that he's he's a golden retriever.
You know, he kind of just bounces back from anything, you know, the crazy things he said to my Yeah, crazy things.
He said to my grandparents. He nothing really affects him.
I remember we talked about this on the podcast before, but talking about not knowing if I'm gay because I've never kissed a guy, or no, because I've never a male in front of her eighty two year old former FBI got grandfather, and he still likes me. I think I think he still likes me despite all that, So that's good.
He loves you, have a lot. He loves you like a son.
I love him like a grandpa. So what about you, guys?
No, I would rather be embarrassed in front of my in laws, just because I'm so comfortable with Ashley's parents that I feel like they have a pretty good idea of who I am. Would you rather be in a relationship with someone who never says I love you or be in a relationship with someone who never hugs you?
They're both terrible options. I think hug I'd rather be.
In a relationship with someone that says I never I don't love you or not.
But by just hugging you, that's not loving.
The hug says all I need to know I love you, So it would you rather, by the way, I'm not saying, don't say you love me. I'm just choosing between the two auctions.
That's the headline. You got it.
I've given hugs to many people who I don't love.
So yeah, you've also probably said I love you to people that you don't hug. Wait does that make sense? But you've also said I love you to people that you no longer love, So love if by fleeting.
I've definitely hugged every single person that I said I love you too. There's no way, no way that I have ever said I love you to someone and never hugged them. Having said that, there's definitely people that I have hugged and never said I love you, So I find that I love you is more important.
Two questions for you. Have you ever hugged Tom Brady? And have you ever hugged Tom Cruise?
And I have not, and I probably have told them in my blackout stage of meeting them that I love you.
There you go, So you just proved yourself wrong. But I love them and you haven't hugged them. You said you've never told someone you love them and not hugged them.
But that's my point. I would rather tell or hear someone say I love you than either receiver give a hug.
M Okay, okay, agree to disagree on that one. Next one, would you rather have your forever home in a tiny town or a big city.
I have a tiny town.
Yeah, do I even need to answer this?
Rhode Island boy, I wouldn't mind a dream home in Los Angeles. That's a big city, but I think my I would lead tiny town as well. Would you rather have a tiny town, tiny tim in a tiny town? Would you rather have a partner who never has time to spend with you or a partner who's clingy and never leaves you alone?
Answer carefully?
Oh goodness, gracious, what do you guys think?
That's so hard?
Would you rather have a partner who never has to spend time with you or a partner? Oh wow, that's tough. I probably lean towards spending a partner who never has to spend time with you. That's kind of that says because it's just like I need, you know, just I'm an independent person a lot of times, and there are times where I just need to like shut off the world and just and that's like literally, like so like when Dawson goes to bed sometimes I'm like I'm just gonna you know, Ashley, you just sit on your side of the couch and sit on mine. It's not like we're not loving each other, but just we need to like decompress by ourselves.
Yeah, same with you, Kaylin. Yeah that hurts, That really stings.
A cleaning person who never leaves you alone sounds like a divorce waiting to happen.
Yeah, what do you think older were?
I think, of the two options, the only thing you can control is yourself. So I would also rather be left alone, unless, like Kaylen, if you were as much of an idiot as I am, and you wanted to skydive and climb a bunch of mountains. I actually, it's so hard to say. I don't know. I think I agree with you. Guys. I would rather be with someone that.
Never wants to everyone wants to spend time with you.
Just neither option really sounds good. Would you rather have a partner with bad breath or body odor? And Kaylan, we all know you have both your partners. Your partner has both.
I guess damn bro calling her out body odor?
Really?
Yeah? Well that's I mean, if I'm being honest, that's what I live with, and I'm fine with it. You're not.
You're not fine. I rarely get offended by anything anyone ever says to me. I was offended like a month ago when you told me I had to shower before I came to.
Bed because I couldn't cuddle you. I feel like we even talked about on the podcast we did. I go into the nook of your armpit. I didn't want my hair to smell bad.
It's a stinky place to be.
Yeah, it's more. It's more hororful to say that I have bodyoder than I have bad breath. But I could see where you're coming. No way, it's because you don't have bad breath. But if you did have bread breath and Kielan said hey, I need you to brush your teeth before you come to bed, you would be way more offended. Yeah, that's fair. It's also just the logic for me is it's way easier to brush my teeth than it is to jump in the shower. It's twenty seconds versus So what's your answer body odor?
Yeah, one hundred percent, because here's the logistics of it. You know, in a relationship, you're you're probably being pretty intimate at that person you know three four times a week, but you're kissing them, I don't know, twenty times a day. So would you rather have to deal with bad breath twenty times a day or bad body order for like three or four times a week. You know what I mean?
This is a good one. Would you rather receive a thoughtful gift or an expensive gift from your partner? Partner?
Park thoughtful? For sure?
My brain is broked. Thoughtful, I think we could all agree. Thoughtful is definitely the way to go.
That's easy.
Well expensive, how expensive? Already talking?
You wanted a new cameras?
That's but it's also like, is a camera an expensive gift or a thoughtful gift? Because it's so expensive. It's expensive, it's more expensive than it is thoughtful. Yeah, all right, But now Jared makes a good point. It is a thoughtful expensive gift, So yeah, I'll just take both.
Why not?
Like, sure, I would love a signed Tom Brady jersey that is in this beautiful frame that's probably like four one thousand dollars.
But is that a thoughtful gift or is that.
An expensive gift?
Expensive?
Yeah? Yeah, expensive? So maybe I do want an expensive gift? Never mind.
Would you rather make your partner happy with a white lie or tell the blunt truth and hurt their feelings?
White lie, white lie?
Blunt truth. Oh you're gonna die on the context.
Yeah, it totally depends on the context. If it's going to hurt your feelings. If you want me to say, hey, you smell great, I'll come cuddle you to spare your feelings, then sure, Oh.
I guess yeah, you're right. I'm kind of agreeing with the opposite of what I want to.
Be hearing that we're also operating under the presumption that a white lie has nothing to do with like infidelity or anything crazy.
Yeah, no, a small white lie like you smell great.
Exactly, So a white lie one hundred percent tell the white lie. I always say this because people just don't know timing, Like if, for example, one time, I'll never forget this. We were during COVID. We're at Ashley's parents' house. Her mom wore worked like six hours in the kitchen because she was trying to replicate Bubby's meatballs, which is Ashley's grandmother, and she made this great meatball recipe. Audie was trying to make it. She spent like six hours in the kitchen. We all sit down to eat. Ashley takes a bite and she goes, hmm, it's not that good. And I was like mortified because I'm like, do you know how hard your mom just ate may like worked to make this for you, and so like in that moment I was she was like, what do you want? And then Ashley was like, well, if I say it's good, she'll make it again and never know. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no no no. All you have to do is sit down and be like, oh, Audrey, this is great. It's really good. You did a good job, Like is as good as Bubby's? Maybe not, but like sure, does it taste all that good? Probably not, but eat the meal. It's fine. And then afterwards, when she's like, I'm gonna try to make them meatballs again, be like, listen, the last time, it wasn't that good. Not don't like do it days afterwards, not directly after she put her sweat, tears, and most likely blood in that pasta so we could sit down and have a nice, warm meal together.
So Jerry tells a white confirmed would you rather have no sex for the rest of your life or no meaningful conversations for the rest of your life.
I don't feel like I have meaningful conversations right now, So.
Trump, yeah, not with the sex.
Caitlin, I don't know this one sucks you. Answer first, I would take.
No meaningful conversations.
Yeah, me too.
Oh good answer. Would you rather know everything your loved ones have ever said about you? Or say every single one of your thoughts out loud? Interesting? I already kind of do say every single one of my thoughts out loud, but I definitely have a filter for the really bad ones.
There's no way, you demented human being, there is no way all your thoughts are out there in the universe, because I know my thoughts are not. So Yeah, I would definitely rather know everybody's thoughts about me.
Yeah, I'm so sensitive, so I don't want to say that. But with canceled culture, you know, one bad thought and you're done.
Oh my gosh, I have so many bad thoughts too, where I would get canceled at and a snap of a finger.
But everyone does.
Think of the listeners out there, think of your worst thoughts, Oh yeah, have them.
It's not even that I ever want to say these things or I believe these things, but there are just certain things that cross my mind. Oh yeah, I'm like, what is the worst thing I could possibly think of?
Right now? Right? And It's like if I said that, oh my god, and then you think to you like think something bad and then you're like, wow, I am a horrible person for.
Even all the time.
So I think it. I'll go with the first one, dude whatever.
Ashley' is like, oh you Jared, like you're so nice, and I'm like, Ashley, you don't know, only you need if you only knew, because sometimes I'll test it out on it and be like, oh, you know what's kind of funny and she'd be like, why would you ever think that? And like you've never thought of this or anything close to it? Am I that of a wacko? Or are you just that innocent? Because I can't tell because thats she's pretty innocent too.
There is a I read this book about being a psychopath, and halfway through the book it's like, and if you've gotten this far and you're starting to think about whether or not you're a psychopath, that means that you're not because you have self awareness. So at least we have these bad thoughts, but we are self aware about how bad they are. I think that says something. I love it, and I don't think anyone is upsolve from having bad thoughts.
I was talking to a friend recently about intrusive thoughts, which I think this is kind of in line with what we're talking about. And she's like, my intrusive thoughts scare me sometimes, and it's not necessarily that like I'm thinking about hurting myself.
She said.
She was talking to a doctor, and doctor said, the reasons that we have intrusive thoughts are because, like you know, back in Caveman times or like times before movies, we couldn't conceptualize, like you're standing at the edge of the cliff, what would happen?
So it's like your mind telling you don't do that.
Yeah.
Interesting, there's a term for it.
It's called the call of the void.
Yeah that's what you said.
Yep, Yeah, I have it all the time. I was just talking to someone about this the other day too, because I'm like so many times that I'm standing on a cliff, I just want to It's all that I want to jump off and die. I just want to know what would happen, Like what would the experience be like? Or like you're driving down the road on the interstate, what would happen if I just cranked the wheel to the left as hard as I possibly could. Or if I'm on a chair lift, what would happen if I just leaned forward and fell off this thing? I'm not suicidal by any stretch of the imagination. I just I go through like the mental gymnastics, to know what would it would? What would it be?
Like?
I think everybody does. Yeah, they call the void also high place phenomenon is also a second phrase for that. But all right, one more? Would you rather? Would you rather your parents didn't like your partner or your friends didn't like your partner? Oh it's easy my parents.
I think parents do.
I spend more time with my our friends than we do my parents.
But let's be honest. Your friends already don't.
Like me, so, oh my god, my friends love you more than me.
Oh oh that's not good.
Oh wait, why do you think your friends don't like you?
I was just being facetious. They love me.
I bet they didn't like you at first. Well, Ashley's friends didn't like me at first when we started dating. Really, Oh of course we were friends for how long she wanted to be with me? And then all of a sudden we started dating. She was They were all very cautious, rightfully.
So that's a challenge. That's definitely a hurtle to overcome for you, guys, I.
Feel like, but he came back, so I feel like he proved himself pretty quickly.
But also, your closest friends knew me before you met them, so it's a little different, right right.
Well, my LA friends, Yeah, I met my LA friends through date and so it's different.
So they probably did my North Carolina friends.
I was at my North Carolina friend's house when I slid into your DMS the first time, so they always knew I had a thing for you.
Well, that's good to know. I did not know that story. So that's a fun little tidbit. Uh Yeah. My parents, Well, it's tough because like my mom and heaven, I don't want her to dislike Kaylin, but like, it's not really going to affect me on a day to day basis. You know, if my friends didn't like you, it affect me a lot more locally.
All right, Well, to answer an email before we end this podcast, this is from anonymous. I had a moment of weakness and went through my boyfriend's phone. I found a group chat with him and his friends, and they were speaking very poorly of me, damn. I know his friends were telling him he can do so much better, while his friends sounded like Dix can do better than me, and I'm not fun to be around. My boyfriend wasn't defending me, was actually contributing to the conversation and agreeing with them. Is this ever acceptable to do to your partner? We may have been in a fight when these texts were sent. I'm not one hundred percent sure, but maybe they could be the reason he was being mean. Should I forgive him? I still need to approach him about this, and don't know how he'll react. I mean, my assumption is that you'll bring it up to him and then he's going to ve about all these things that he has invented about before, and I'm not sure if the relationship is going to make it. That would be my assumption. As pessimistic and negative as that is.
Yeah, yeah, especially since you broke the trust by going through his phone.
I think that's like something you should never do.
And you have to start it off with that breaking his trust, and then he's saying these negative things. It just doesn't seem like a healthy relationship.
M Yeah, that's tough. I mean, group chats can get kind of out of hand. Jared, I'm sure you know with your guy friends and Caitlyn, probably with your girlfriends too.
Dude, So you're saying your friends talk cap about me, Well.
That's what I was gonna I was gonna get to that point.
We say a lot of weird, stupid, necessary things that have been said in guy group chats before. Yeah, it's just like it's I always think about if, like we ever have to turn our phone over to the FBI and then like in the court of law, these text messages are read out loud. I'm like, yeah, I didn't say it, but I was. I might have like, ha hat it, you know, just the ha ha.
There's always a few friends that take it a step for that needs to be. But what I was gonna say was, despite all like the despicable stuff that gets said in those group chats, at least in my group chats, no one's ever like talking crap about their partner or someone else in that group chat's partner. So it is like definitely an escalation for this guy to be contributing to the crap talk about his girlfriend. I would freaking dump the dump the heck out of him, like if I if Kaylen found my phone and I was at a group chat with my friends and I was talking crap about Kaylin and she didn't dump me, I would be I would be so confused, because that's definitely something you should dump someone over.
I think, yeah, definitely, your partner's supposed to be standing up for you and be like you're number one cheerleader.
If he's not doing that, then then get.
Rid of him drop. I would agree, man, all right. Next one, I'll read this one from anonymous as well. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. It's a good relationship and I love him, but things could be so much better if he took care of himself. For context, my boyfriend struggles with mild depression. I try to help him as best I can, but it can be very dreaming it being his only support system. He has the resources to go to therapy and get antidepressants, but he refuses. He says therapy is stupid and he doesn't want to get on medication because it numbs your emotions. If he doesn't want to do therapy or take medication, I can't change that, But I don't know if I can handle being his sole support system forever. Is it worth staying in a relationship that feels so draining? I know this isn't his fault, and I feel so awful for having these feelings. If you have any advice, please let me know. Well, I will go first on this one, because you guys went first last time. I think not taking any depressants is not inherently a bad thing I would do. I would take medication as like a very very last resort for most things. But therapy is very very beneficial and very helpful. And the fact that he's so anti that is the biggest concern in my opinion. If someone has a problem and there it's not like it's not his.
There was.
I heard something the other day that I really liked. It's like, it's not your problem, but it's your responsibility. You know so, or it's not your fault, but it's your responsibility, I think is kind of the gist of what it was saying. So like depression, you know, it could be genetic, it could be a lot of things going on that could lend to that, but like it's your responsibility to be to knock yourself out of your own depression, whether that be through therapy or whatever it might be. So I think that's it's definitely makes a lot of sense to want to get out of a relationship where you feel like you're taking care of someone emotionally like that.
Yeah, I'd say have a conversation with him and tell them, you know, it's not necessarily fair for you. If you're not going to help yourself, then there's not much more I can do. I think it's important to have that conversation, and then if he doesn't want to go to therapy after that, then I think it's fair to leave. And I don't think necessarily pushing medication on someone is the right answer because medication has so many side effects and can do so many things to you. But yeah, like Dean said, if he doesn't want to go to therapy, then he's yeah, there's not much else you can do.
I agree with Kalen in terms of just tell them, Like if you don't want to break up with them, tell them. That's exactly where your thought process is. I don't want this relationship to fail. I want it to continue. But unless you can work on yourself and help yourself so we're in a better place, you're in a better place. And you're happy, then I don't know if we can survive this, and then after that, if nothing changes, then of course you know you're going to have to do what you.
Have to do.
If I'm like if I'm one hundred pounds overweight and I hate my body and I identify it as a problem, but I still continue to do the same things that make me gain weight, like that's obviously an issue. And mental I guess well being is very similar to that, where it's like, if you identify a problem and you choose to do nothing about it, you're basically saying, like, this is a problem, I'm going to live with her the rest of my life. So I don't know. I think that's grounds for a serious conversation, and if that serious conversation doesn't improve anything, then you have to start kind of considering other options, like breaking up with them.
Yeah, well that's going to do it.
For this week's episode, we suck at BEU.
Don't use that voice.
I'm being sweet and sensual and lubricated.
Stop it. We started off on a bad note.
I don't think those three words really should be in the same sweet.
Do you want to be smart, sensual, lubricated?
Yeah?
That's going to do it. For this week's episode of Help We Suck At Being newly weds, Caitlin, I just I hope so much that this weekend is the best weekend of your life. I hope that Taylor Swift pulls you up on stage, sings you a ballad, lets you sing twenty two on stage with her, and then you guys walk off and you guys just hit it off, and she is so in love with you, and you on the spot invited to your bachelorette party. She cancels the next four days of touring, comes to the bachelorette with you, and you guys just have right off into the sunset together, not like romantically, but just as best friends.
Just as best friends.
Yeah, I love that.
Thank you. Thank you for manifesting that.
Taylor is a big help We Suck be a Newlad's fan, so you know she'll be listening to this.
Yes, do you think Taylor Swift is the most famous person in the world. Got to be up there, She's got to be top ten, She's easily top ten. I would say it's gotta be Taylor Swift. I mean, honestly, Kim Kardashian's up there, No, not over Beyonce. Kim's up there. I would say Kim's above Beyonce. What Yeah, I would say, Messi and Ronaldo and maybe course neymar are up there.
Some I don't know who is, so he can't be that famous.
Okay, gotcha? And some maybe politicians. But we can discredit or discount the politicians because they're I wouldn't say famous is the right word for a politician.
But yeah, you know, Listen, Cruise is such an international old rockstar that you know, he's probably the most famous. He might be the most famous actor, it says. Dwayne Johnson, Wayn Johnson's probably up there too, Dwayne.
Johnson, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber.
Rihanna interesting.
Yeah, that is interesting. I don't know if I mean. Rihanna is huge.
Obviously, I got Musk, Rinaldo, Messi, Zuckerberg, Dwayne, Bill Gates. Bill Gates is probably up there as well. But yeah, that's awesome that you and the eighth most famous person in the world there are going to be best friends after this weekend. I can't wait wait to hear all the stories.
It'd be fun.
It would be pretty fun. All right. Well, I's gonna do it. We're gonna stop taking up so much of your time. Thank you guys so much for listening to this podcast. Please leave us a five star review. Thank you guys so much for listening. I can't wait until we get to talk to your listening holes next week, where maybe we suck just a little bit less. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at help we Suck at being Newlyweds.
And email us at Newlyweds at iHeartRadio dot com.
Make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars.
We'll see you next time.
M HM.
