It’s fine to make the people in our lives happy. But what happens when that goes too far? 

Sometimes we can lose sight of what makes us happy, because we’re far too busy trying to please everyone else. In this week’s HEARTS Entwined podcast, Lyn talks to Carolyn Hobdey about the question of “people pleasing”, and how to make sure we balance self-love and happiness with caring for and loving others.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Carolyn’s lack of self-worth stemmed from early experiences of feeling unwanted. This negatively impacted her future romantic relationships, because she felt a desperate need to belong to someone.
• Feistiness in her youth, led to her parents believing that she was difficult, and manifested itself in fiery episodes. While she wasn’t exactly naughty, she was considered troublesome due to her spirited nature.
• Carolyn was repeatedly told that she would end up alone unless she was nicer to people - which from their point of view meant to conform more, and to please those around her.
• We are often told that to say “I want” during our childhood years is bad manners, and yet in adult relationships, it is actually healthy to ask for the things we want.
• The balance of power in a relationship can also be a contributing factor to people pleasing. There are some who do not feel comfortable with a partner who is living life a little more successfully, and this can show itself in controlling behaviour.
• Vocalising her fears and doubts about relationships have helped Carolyn to recognise the patterns of this behaviour, and to identify that it was happening.
• Learning to love yourself sometimes isn’t an easy process. But the quality of our relationships are reflected in the love we have for ourselves.

BEST MOMENTS

‘It’s always good for us to share our experiences for the benefit of others’

‘What I’ve really struggled with is saying “No”'

‘I’ve been in relationships where the other person has been very anxious and needy’

‘Oh my God, did I really put up with all of that?’

’This is the standard that I treat myself by’

‘You are enough. You are worthy. You do deserve great love'

VALUABLE RESOURCES

• Hearts Entwined Podcast
  -Apple Podcasts (iTunes)
  -Spotify
  -Stitcher

ABOUT THE GUEST

‘Crisis’ can come in many forms: redundancy, divorce, illness…and in a social media-driven world many mask their pain and don’t ask for help.  They hide perhaps through not wanting to be a burden, fear of losing face or feeling like a failure; some don’t want to seem like they’re ‘weak’ or that they need, or don’t have, a support network.

Carolyn’s favourite word is ‘discombobulated’; her long-held passion to help others is now focused on those with whom this word resonates.  Those that feel like they don’t belong in their lives, are lost, confused, alone and empty, even if their social media tells a very different story.

MayDey is the brainchild of Carolyn Hobdey; a company designed to navigate people through personal change.  It is a business built from Carolyn’s unique combination of over 20 years’ professional people experience and a decade spent as a student of Lean Manufacturing techniques.  Her process guides those who are struggling with the choppy waters of their lives to (re)discover the hidden treasure of who they once were, to sign up their crew, and to draw a map to a future they choose. 

Carolyn is a “powerful storyteller” who speaks about her life journey with heartache and humour in equal measure; you cannot fail to be swept up in the “tour de force” of her energy.  Her true life experiences of relationships, career & health captivate and connect with her audience through their searing honesty, but far from being just another inspirational speaker, Carolyn furnishes her followers with practical tools to facilitate the transformation they seek in their lives.

I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship - Louisa May Alcot

Carolyn can be found via her website: www.carolynhobdey.com,

on LinkedIn and Instagram as @carolynhobdey

ABOUT THE HOST

Lyn Smith – (The Queen of HEARTS) – Love, Dating & Relationship Expert

Lyn’s personal story is a very inspirational and harrowing one of how she went from having unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships with men (on the back of several serious traumatic sexual assaults in her teens) to now being in a soul fulfilling relationship which makes her feel alive, is full of passion and gives her inner peace.

She has a proven track record as a Love Solutions - Relationship Expert / Trainer / Inspirational Speaker and Best-Selling Author based upon her own vast personal research, experiential learning and training with the world’s leading industry experts.

Understanding the polarisation of masculine & feminine energy resulted in her creating massive attraction and a passionate, intimate, fulfilling relationship – that inspired her to design & present her own course programmes to share these break-through relationship techniques with women across the globe.

HEARTS Entwined is a world-class service based on care and understanding, which is committed to providing step-by-step high-value love, dating and relationship solutions.

Lyn makes a difference by helping you make a difference; she has a vision of contributing back on a global scale – to create a lasting legacy of safety, dignity and opportunity for children and women who have survived rape, abuse and severe trauma as a result of war crimes and sex trafficking – through the setting up of worldwide – ‘you can heal your life’ centres.

CONTACT METHOD

lyn@hearts-entwined.com