This column contains discussion of suicide. If you or someone you know might be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-273-8255, or chat online at 988lifeline.org
The return of school was always one of our favorite times as a family – the excitement of reuniting with friends and meeting new teachers, sharing end of summer stories and beginning the new year. With schools back in session, we are reminded that we won’t have that happiness this year, or ever again. 
Last year, our happy, thoughtful and outgoing son Jack died by suicide at age 17 while away at school, where he was a victim of bullying and other forms of cruel behavior over the course of a year.
There is a national bullying crisis that cannot be ignored. The Boys and Girls Clubs of America recently released data highlighting the alarming prevalence of bullying in schools. The survey found that 40% of youth said they were bullied on school property in the past year. Of those, 38% didn’t tell an adult. We send our children to school to learn, but when children don’t feel safe, they can’t learn.

What parents should know about bullying at school
We want to share with fellow parents some of the painful lessons we have learned from our loss and through our engagement with experts, teachers, administrators and parents.
Bullying is no longer simply taunting or teasing in the schoolyard. It has become character assault, the purposeful destruction of someone’s reputation with false rumors, lies and meanness. Repeatedly and with an audience, in person and online. 

Bullying should be thought of as the emotional equivalent of physical assault – multiple attacks that batter a child’s core self. Unlike physical violence, the wounds might not be outwardly visible, but the destruction can be life threatening. 
We have met many parents who vividly remember being bullied in high school and still feel the pain. Some never recover. Online bullying can reach thousands of other students. Teens who are bullied online, like our son, fear the lies will remain permanently. Their lives can never be normal. This is not a mental health issue. This is a culture issue.
What can parents do? 
To begin, familiarize yourself with your state’s anti-bullying laws and the responsibilities and obligations of your child’s school. It wasn’t until our son’s death that we learned each state has its own anti-bullying legislation and  private and religious schools are exempt from these critical laws.

Parents should ask schools about bullying prevention
Next, go where you can make the most immediate impact: your child’s school. Make sure you know how your school responds to bullying and advocate for best practices. 
Ask questions. Here are a few to get you started:

What are your school’s policies and practices regarding bullying? 
How does it promote a healthy school culture to prevent bullying? 
How does it handle cyberbullying? 
What actions does it take when it learns of bullying and how quickly?
 Does it inform the parents of both the perpetrator and victim? 
How do school leaders engage with the victim’s parents regarding what it’s doing to stop the bullying? 
What is the range of disciplinary actions for bullying behavior? 
How will the victim be protected? 

Having answers to these questions seems like common sense, but many schools have policies that are outdated or fall short of protecting their students.

Although Jack will not return to school, we will continue to visit campuses to help find solutions to prevent bullying in secondary schools through advocacy, education and legislative reform. 
As parents, we do a lot to prepare our kids for the return to school. We must do more. Every child should be protected by anti-bullying laws. And every school should rethink their policy and their stance on bullying. Every child deserves to feel safe.
Elizabeth and Bill Reid are the parents of Jack Reid and the executive directors of the Jack Reid Foundation.

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