He Said, Ella Dijo with Eric Winter and Roselyn SanchezIn this episode Roselyn talks about how she has a serious birds & bees chat with her daughter, including diagrams, and Eric responded by saying, “I can’t even imagine your sex education class”. Although there are laughs to be had, these two have a very real conversation about how they are parenting their kids when it comes to the hard talks including sex, drugs, and consent. They then shift the conversation to how adults should work through friendship fallouts in a mature way. Hitting some serious topics today but with that Eric and Ros spin on it.
This is, he said, a yadiho with Airic Winter and Rodland fantab. Hey, how's it going?
I'm good?
How are you fashionably late? Is that another Ross dress?
No?
This one is not. This one is a.
No no.
But yeah, but I might go to Ross right after this.
You have the black hat, the black dress. You're in the mood. It's a vibe.
It's a vibe. It's a vibe, a little bit of makeup. What's happning, guys?
Too much or too much?
It was? It's been a little eventful at the Sunch's Winter household.
No, you know, parenting live and such.
Parenting is so rewarding and yet so challenging, all in the same breath.
We need advise, guys.
I am sure that all of you that are parents this is going to be very very relatable, and those of you who are not parents yet will probably get a kick out of this.
Anyways, So.
I would my daughter, our daughter Sabella, two nights ago or last night I think it was, I don't even know, and it's Dylan is going to bed and we're just talking about things, and she says to me, out of nowhere, mom, you know so and so one of her friends got her period and now she's late and she's really worried. And her other friend said to her, what are you pregnant? So Sabella tells me this and I passed out, like literally, I was like what because the connotation of I'm late, are you pregnant? Means that they know what's up those eleven twelve years old And as you know, we've been talking about when are we going to have the talk?
Which we've had versions we have, not this one, well, not this deep, but we have we've had versions of the top.
Eric is with Dylan putting him to bed right because it takes a lot bit and can you lay with me? And then can you give me a massage? So I'm by myself with Isabella, and immediately right the universe said to me, uh, tonight is the night that we're gonna have the talk. So I kept my cool and I was like, Okay, So, so and so it's late. Why she why is she worried? And she's like, well, I don't know, so you don't know what she thinks. She's she's worried. No, and what why does so and so said, you're pregnant? What does that mean? What does that mean to you, Isabella, and she's all like shocked because now she realizes, ooh, I should have not say any said anything because this is gonna go deeper than what I anticipated.
So she's like, I don't know what.
She said that, I don't know what they're talking about, and I'm going, well, let's talk about it. So somebody's late after not getting their period, it means that if you think you're pregnant, it means that you had sex.
And guys, it was really funny for like me.
I was like a little but little, introducing the topic, asking questions to see how much she knew, what she actually knew, And she's like, mom, you know that I've been taking human development for years and.
We had a whole conversation with her about sex. You don't remember, but we did.
I don't remember.
We did. We touched on you know, animal kingdom are humans? How? Yes, you were in the room. It was bedroom. Yes, okay, that's typical though you never you never remember when we have when things go down. That's typical. They she's not. She wasn't unaware of the act of sex, making what I thought, but I think what you know, these hard conversations where it gets tricky is when you're introducing sex with a partner for the sake of sex pleasure, not for the sake of reproduction. So in school, they're already talking about birds and the bees, so to speak, right, the animals, how they reproduced, the men of you know, they talk about the private part. They talk about what, how, how fertilization happens. That we went into a deeper conversation. I'm more than just about reproduction. It was about recreation.
I'm talking about I get a paper and pen and I am doing charts. Oh that was all without me, all the reason follow up in tubes and the uterus and the cervix and the mechanics.
Can't even imagine your sex education class it would be.
It was incredible.
And she was paying attention, and we talked about everything and and what does it mean to have a period, and the and the and the and the metrium and the lining and why it sheds if there's no pregnancy. I talked about everything and said to us about, you know, what's the act of sex, what does it happen?
And oh, my god, God bless her. I was laughing.
So she goes, give me a second, So she has a little thing that is like a little eggplant that is like a green, little squishy that is a stress toy.
She's a pickle.
It's a pickle, but I guess the call it the egg plan school, and she's.
Well, my favorite, but she grabs the pickle and she goes. My friend at school is always joking like this, and she puts the thing, closing her thing and starts making the movement and going to hold does that? Oh so and so, and we think it's so funny. All day long, he is always going, oh, the egg plant, the egg plant, guys.
I was like, how do I keep my cool?
But listen, you had a sex education on texting from me. I had to tell you what the egg plant meant. You didn't know what I told you. I said this with the egg plant means when you're typing emojis, it means that you know you know, Yeah, that's what it means. That's why that generated just.
Text to me that actually like a couple of days ages I did, but that has nothing.
And I still went like this version of sex education when it came to oh my god, the you know at school, of course, this generation, that's how they're communicating, joking, making fun of what I think was great about the conversation. Look, she was extremely awkward about it and nervous because she's talking to her parents about sex for the sake of sex, for the pleasure of sex, like what that can lead to? And we had to go beyond the sex, said talk of just reproduction and say this, these are things you're going to encounter as you get older and try not to you know, and talk about how you know a lot of this generation and younger generation practice is abstinence and that that's cool and you can wait.
So we're explaining like what that means, and she said, well, I thought they give you a pill. And I'm like, yes, but there's a conversation we're going to have later on, which is something that I don't want you to I know.
But she's like, I think you can.
That's how crazy that she even knew, Well, I thought they give you a pill because girls heck told her about a pill.
Because some girls at school are probably talking about this. And you gotta remember a lot I say this to you all the time. A lot of these kids have older siblings, so they hear these things already. But she handled it pretty well. What I liked is that even listen, we talked about the power that what the woman should have and does have in these situations, and that no man should ever touch you in any way, not even hold your hand if you don't give consent to do so. Is now you have to have You are in control, you have the power. But then I was happy because something that also makes me very nervous about kids is the introduction of drugs and alcohol. And I know maybe you didn't even see that one coming. How I turned the conversation into because I.
Was like, that can you I was not going to talk about.
Drug started experimenting and exploring that stuff at a much younger age than you did. Obviously you don't even do that stuff. But so for me, it was very important for her to understand you're going to start to get approached by people with things that are for you that you shouldn't be doing. And then she had no she had an idea. I mean, she was smoking show things are bad, but she didn't really have the concept of you know, fully of drugs and alcohol and that they can you know, they can kill you if something's misused, overused, abused, et cetera. And friends that have overdoing.
We have had the conversation with her at the restaurant the village. I'll never forget that we're talking about. She was reading some kind of book, like a ya book that talked about a girl that goes out to a movie theater and I guess you had a drink and somebody put something in a drink.
So remember that.
We had a whole conversation about if you ever go out to a party to the mall, I mean you have a soda anything not she doesn't drink soda, but any drink that you have at any age, it's always in your hand. You never leave it unattended. And if you go to the bathroom, you never go back to the drink. And we explained to her that was last year. What can happen? And she's like, oh, I know about it and so and so in the book that I'm reading, there's a whole thing.
I was like, what book. That's what's crazy, how much they know that we have no idea.
We've got parents that we that we don't want, that we don't realize that she knows so much more than she led us to believe that she knows.
I was almost a bad parent because I bought her that book that I found on Amazon.
Oh my god, God, I thought.
It was going to be a really great book for her because I read the title and we were going through all these you know, fun, you know books and topics, things that she could start getting into, and this book was called Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging. I didn't know that meant. All I saw is that said something about a girl and her shaved eyebrows and a cat. And I was like, Oh my god, Sebbie, this girl's like you. She messed up her eyebrow and she has a cat. This book supposed to be y a good lord. Sabella turns it over and looks at the back of the book and goes, the next book in the series is like sex blah blah blah blah blah.
I was like, oh my god.
What did I just get you? Oh yeah, the next book in the series Dancing in my Nudie Pants knocked Out by my Nugga nuggas. Oh my god, I'm like, what the hell book did I just buy? Well look at this one. She goes, On the bright side, I'm now the girlfriend of a sex god. This was the book series.
That's crazy.
This can't be possible that.
If let's say the Dzzlin buys by mistake right that book do Sabella, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to say here the end of it. And I was like, oh, that that's too funny. Okay, let's returning. I didn't give you any cock about it anyways, guys.
I returned the thing so fat.
I'm very proud because we had the talk was probably more than an hour. Her mind wanted to explode. I do have to say that she was very much engaged. I saw her little computer go like her mind when I was talking, because I was very specific about sperm count and I called everything by name and how the process of fertilization. Like, I talked about everything, and I hope that she retained a lot. And she was like, I cannot wait to go back to school tomorrow and tell my friends about, Oh my parents. We had the talk, and I'm going, is that something that you guys do? Like every time a girl has the talk, do they she comes to school and announces it and she's like, oh yeah.
Every time they're like, oh my god, my parents.
You forget about a lot of the stuff that we did when we were that age. We acted like clowns. We acted so dumb, We said so many especially boys, they especially boy dumb the time. Sex is such a joke and like you mock so much at you, I know, and your boys getting into this age, I mean you hump a pillow. I mean they're just like they're all about everything. Oh my god, the hormones start going, it's gonna be out of contrac And another.
Thing that it was crazy is that we tell you I'm just saying said, but that you know, it's like you're a gift and down there your pelvic area is sacred.
It should be sacred to you. And I'm not saying this.
And you're gonna have a boyfriend when you're in high school and we're gonna have to deal with that, and that kid is going to try to do things is inevitable. Is the age is hormones. He's gonna feel the urge. You're gonna feel the urge. I just want you to always understand that that part of your body is sacred. So the more you can keep that to yourself before you allow anybody to get close to it, the better. And you know those girls you don't want to be that girl that you know, there's always the group of girls that you know, they people start talking about and they get around and then you know what they you call those girls?
Right? And not in a million years.
You thought that the word that came out of her mouth was going to be the one that came out of her mouth.
She was like, uh, horror, and we're like. I was like, ah, why, well.
Sometimes they say flzy, sometimes they say eazy easy.
It's a lot and I was like, how the heck does she know the word horror?
Probably another book from school?
And I was like, oh my god, dear lord, why YA.
Books dive into a lot of stuff, they really.
Do, but why is she reading YA at twelve years old as.
A young adult? I mean not truly. I mean, listen, a lot of these what do you call them? Like TV series and movies, they're all YA that. A lot of these kids that sayd you're watching it's the same kind of stuff.
So I'm explaining to her about you don't want to be you don't want to be that girl. You want to be the girl that is so cool that you're just you're untouchable, seb You're untouchable, you know, and she's just looking at us at the end of the day.
Is she going to be untouchable?
Idea? Oh, your own person, and you want to you want to experience everything the.
Right way anyway.
So we did that and that was amazing. Let's change topics. So I want to talk about something else. As an adult, how how do you deal with a fallout with a dear friend of yours? Like adult fallouts with friends that you believe her family, and then a misunderstanding happens and you stop talking to that to that person within from one day to the next.
I've only had maybe one major fallout where I just didn't speak to that person for a while, and that was because the person worked with my mom and my mom told me he was disrespectful towards her, and at that point, I was like, I'm done with this guy. So I never never circled back, never confronted him about it. My mom didn't want to make a thing out of it, and I just I checked out. I've spoken to a person in years, years and years years years, really fifteen plus years probably, but it was because of my mom feeling so betrayed by that person. Now I'm going from one perspective. Obviously, I probably could have been a little more mature and maybe confronted the person and got their side of the story and got an apology or something in order, but I didn't. In theory, I think it's about but that wasn't a close friend. Yeah, I know the person since I was probably fourteen years old, thirteen years Yes, I know the person very well. And at the end of the day, I think as an adult, though, you have to try to really act like an adult and be mature and communicate. And if it's a very close friend, almost near family, you know, like a family member level. Yeah, they deserve and you deserve the respect of a conversation. I don't think anything should just burn out. There are very few things later in life that should end a true friendship that is deep and rooted, like family. Very few things.
That's why.
And it I mean infidelity could end it if that person had an affair with your spouse or screwed around, uh stealing.
I mean able money.
You land the person some money, and the person never pays your back even though there was an agreement, a verbal agreement about listen, I'm going to do that. There was solid for you, and then the personal you.
That I'm with, you a situation like that, I mean, you rose above it. I think I'm very close with the person. What am I going to know? You rose above it? And that person I think feels indebted to you and has tried to show it in other ways. And I think, look, if you lend somebody a crazy amount of money and it puts you in a difficult position as well, and that person never even tries to come back around, like disregard you completely, then that would be another reason probably for a major fallout.
It really sucks, guys, because.
Even if you move on, if it's somebody that you really loved, you know, and you had a lot of things in common, and somebody that you spent important parts of your life with, even though you move on and you're like, you know what, I think I'm better without that energy around.
It's something that it's very.
Difficult for me to stop thinking about it often, you know what I mean, Like I just I just go Am I going to go through life and go to heaven without addressing.
The situation with that person ever? Ever? Again?
And that I feel like that can hold people back even you move on you move on, you know, because my life has continued and I'm perfectly fine, you know, and that person doesn't affect my life. But it does, you know, because there's always a moment that I just go this really sucks. Like the misunderstanding is so uncalled for. Like you said, everybody has a different side of the story. You don't know what the person is thinking. The person doesn't know what you're thinking.
You know, it sucks.
I always feel like when it's somebody that close, it deserves a conversation. If you can't reconcile or put aside those differences or solve the problem in some way, then yeah, it might be time to move on. Because also that stress and that anger doesn't do any but any good either.
Let me ask you something else, how do you reconcile your upbringing? You have a specific upbringing that you don't think much about because it's all you know. And then you become an adult, You become a parent yourself, and you want to break cycles. And the more you think about the way you had it, and the more you think about what your parents have inevitably become which is.
So different from you. How do you reconcile? How do you forgive, How do you feel compassion? How do you move.
On accepting that that's those were the cards I was dealt and I am disassociating myself from that. But I have no complaints.
Or I think this is a much easier thing for me. I don't. I think it's much harder for you. I think I have my issues and baggage from my upbringing, but I really it wasn't as heavy as yours. And I also think I tried to I try to work. I try to work really hard, and I'm open to therapy when it comes to how do I change these cycles? I think my opinion is for you, you had a much more challenging set of circumstances. I think your relationship with your dad. I think you know things that you and your mom went through and how much you love your mom, But still stuff that you go through or went through, I think is different and deeper and heavier than mine. And I think it's the deeper something is the stronger of a situation. You really have to work that much harder, and it takes hours of therapy to really tap in and allow yourself to open up about what those issues are and how do I figure out how to actively solve that or change from that and forgive and move on. And then how am I going to handle those situations differently? And I don't know if you've gotten there.
I don't know if you've gotten the I'm fine.
I take you all the time. Go talk to her therapist, Go talk to her one on one. Need it one time, one on one. You have not done it multiple times to work on you.
It's interesting.
I went to this numerologies, this astrologer once you know, and and not saying anything about my parents, about my life anything, and and he took it upon himself to tell me according to what he saw with the chart and computer whatever he was looking at. He was like, you need to separate yourself with with your family is like they they're your they're your parents, and you will always love them, but sometimes you just need to decompress and you just need you to just keep your distance.
Did you move to La.
No, but that was like thirty years ago, and I did, correct.
But my part is you moved to LA so I know.
But he was talking about but now, I don't know.
If you need a separate and I was like, I don't believe that. I left.
I was so sad because I was like, I love them so much and they need me so much.
The problem is is that I don't I don't believe in that advice. I think there are places and times. We had a guest on the show right that the relationship with the parent was so toxic that she had to separate. So I think we can do that. I think it does.
I don't have that. I don't have that. I have parents that love me.
Listen, my father is battling the mention of my father isn't angry because of circumstances, but I do know that inside his core he loves me.
I think, and with my mom, I think my.
Mom has dedicated her life to her children, like my mom lives and dies for us.
One hundred percent. But I think if you're really trying to break those cycles, I don't think separating yourself from them is the answer. I think going to therapy and learning how to manage those feelings with them and accept them for who they are, And how do you then break the cycle yourself with your family, with your partner, you're doing, your spouse, with your kids, et cetera.
Are you in a dysfunctional relationship.
What the heck? My question is that which day you asked me?
Wow?
A few days ago? Maybe today? Like?
How do I feel about the cards you were dealt? I love the cards when you're you're almost fifty, Like, how do you feel about the cards you have?
You have been dealt?
I love the cards with this.
Puerto Rican chick.
Revolution's a card for sure. It's like, you know you're playing. All of a sudden, you got the joker. You're like, what do I do a freaking joker? Wow?
Thank you?
You are a queen of I would say hearts, but I shouldn't because maybe you're are you? Are you queen of hearts? I would say I'm a queen of what should I say? Spades? Gloves, hearts? You're all you're all black right now. So I was thinking, Oh, maybe you're a Queen of spades, queen of hearts because I'm very loving, You're very loving. Oh you're not a joker, You're I'm joking. I was, I was just joking. I was joking. No, you're definitely my Queen of hearts. And I think the cars that was built are great. But like we've talked about it so many times there's any relationship. There are times when you're going, Wow, what what is going on? Why is this not working? What is what is wrong with the situation right now? And how do I fix it? Relationships are that it takes work. You can't tell me every time you're with me, You're like, everything's perfect, No, you're you have all the time. Oh lord, you complain about me all the time. And I'm sure rightfully so, because you're cossible.
Guys, this beautiful prince, Prince charming, Prince Eric.
Did you see over here? Guys that everybody's like, oh, you're so lucky. Day we were walking in Beverly Hills.
And this guy, these two guys said the the cop, the cop from from the cop from the Rookie, can we have a picture?
And they take a picture right Mother's Day? Actually I am looking fabulous and they have turned.
Around and they go like, you're a lucky woman, And I was like, he's a lucky freaking man.
You're talking about straight.
I think.
You're freaking fool to go stupid.
I know I'm lucky, but don't be telling me you're freaking too.
And I'm listening to I say, I'm dressed all in white, Harry is flowing, the wind is going.
You're a lucky lady.
I was like, should the up? No, But I am a lucu lady. I appreciate it. And I was like, he's a lucky man. Anyways. What is independence to you in a relationship?
What is independence?
What is independence to you? Do you feel like you have independence in your relationship?
I do. I definitely think I have my own identity and my own independence. I think I think it's been able to explore and and do things that make you happy as an individual. What inspires you to want to get up every day and be fulfilled? And I think I have all of that. Yeah, I mean I think I have independence good for the most part. Yeah. What as you? Yeah?
Same?
Do you feel good? You're ready to go take like a girl's trip somewhere and have that independence? Is that what you are to do?
I would love to do that, really, I've been planning that for years with.
A guys trip.
Of course. I'll have to tell you now. You said you're going to go to Carda hand.
You want to go to Big Bear Independence, go to Lake Tahoe.
You're gonna go to You're not going. You're not going camping.
You can go to Miami. You go to Alaska to Miami.
Why I go to Puerto Rico. I want to go to Colombia. Still do do that?
So listen? Have independence? Sorry guys, he doesn't have independence.
Well, you're like, go on a boat and go on a fishing trip in the middle and have.
An amazing time with your friends. I'll be in Italy. You to visa exactly, I'm actually to a Pisa.
You go to a visa one week. I'll go to a Lisa one week. Well, trade stories, I'd be.
Why not?
So we do have independence to a degree.
We do. We do it.
All right? That was fun. Until next time. Thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us a review and tell us what you think.
If you want to follow us on Instagram, check us out at e said Ajab or ses an email.
Eric and Ross at iHeartRadio dot com. He said.
Ajab is part of iHeartRadio's Mike Wulda podcast network.
See you next time. Bye,
