Happy Friday, Fckers! On this week’s episode of Guys We Fcked, Corinne and Krystyna help a listener who can’t stop thinking about a hot pastrami sandwich while he’s trying to eat pssy. This week’s guests are comedians and co-hosts of the “Trash Tuesday” podcast, ESTHER POVITSKY AND KHALYLA. The three discuss bringing the masculine energy in your relationship, getting jealous when you’re horny, and loving your friends so much you want them to fck your boyfriend.
WATCH THE GWF COMEDY SPECIAL -- "OUR SPECIAL DAY" -- FOR FREE:
https://www.youtube.com/guyswefcked
Donate To An Abortion Fund
https://www.thecut.com/article/donate-abortion-fund-roe-v-wade-how-to-help.html
Luanna Mancuso Go Fund Me
https://www.gofundme.com/f/with-legal-fees-and-relocation-for-me-and-my-cats?member=25901879&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_content=undefined&utm_medium=copy_link_all&utm_source=customer&utm_term=undefined
Follow Guys We Fucked on IG/Twitter/TikTok: @guyswefcked
Follow Esther: Esthermonster
Follow Khalyla: @Khalamityk
Follow Corinne Fisher on Twitter/IG: @PhilanthropyGal
(And follow Corinne's store on IG @PerfectlyCenteredStore)
www.corinnefisher.com
Follow Krystyna Hutchinson on Twitter/IG: @KrystynaHutch
www.krystynahutchinson.com
Follow Mike Coscarelli on Twitter/IG: @MikeCoscarelli
THIS WEEK’S FEATURED MUSIC: Elissa Sun
https://open.spotify.com/user/elissacc?si=c3dd60d7994f4873
Welcome the Guys We Find the Anti slut Shamings Podcast.
I'm Christina Hutchings.
I'm Karen's sister and bring us to Sluttie, your horny and your shame.
Hey was what?
Yes?
Okay? Talk about Hey everybody, how you doing where you've been? Welcome to another exciting, rousing episode of Guys We Hugged. It's the Anti Slucchean Podcast. I'm Karen Fisher, I'm Christina Hutchinson. Welcome to the show. Follow us on social media if you don't already. We're at Guys we f c k ed on all the things, including TikTok. I'm at Christina hutch I'm at philanthropyl and I.
Met Mike Coscarelli.
He was thinking he ticke apoks. He was thinking about how his loafers that he got on Poshmark don't fit. They fit, don't they don't fit, gonna fit? What's Pragama Curios brand? This is like when I got my Gucci my Gucci loafers and they were like half a size too small at you know, BES closet or whatever, and I was like They're gonna fit and then all and then I was like, I'm gonna actually have to get legs surgery. It's not it's binding her own.
Well.
The difference is, so the Gucci loafers are a soft leather and this is a hard leather, so they are actually hurting my feet, but we're gonna make it.
My god, didn't feel soft, hey, beauty. It wasn't Gucci. I'm sorry. It was Prada and it was very hard, okay, and they were heels.
My Gucci loafers are soft for heels, so they like, they don't mess up my feet.
Sorry, I don't have multiple high end. Yeah, I don't know either. But I forget what after what what we did something that was like an accomplishment. I forget what it was. And I went in I won on Fifth Avenue and I was like, I'm gonna buy some fancy fucking shoes because I don't ever do that. And I thought I went into Gucci, but I went into Louis Vuittona and I just fucking went and I was like those boots, and then I left. I was like, oh, I went to the wrong place. I really want a Gucci because I like the branding, but I'm like it's all the fucking same. That's so funny, but I wear them every chance I can, because goddamn were they expensive. I feel like Louis actually is known for making better like shoes and oh okay, that's good. Don't I know nothing about them other than they're in a lot of the rap songs and when you wear them it does feel kind of it's the higher quality. I just liked Gucci because Victoria Backum, like you know, Poshwiss, was very like the little Gucci dressed. Oh yeah, Gucci's great. Their branding is amazing. It's like goth like fucking it's Bridgerton, but like cooler. Yeah. I remember when I went into my when I was like a teenager because I wanted to get something from Gucci and like the only key chain yeah, it was literally a y chain. Yeah, oh my god, yes, And I was like, well, there you go. That's my allowance for the rest of the year. Worth it. If you want to email us it's sorry about last night's show at gmail dot com. Make that subject line interesting and descriptive, like this one from a Pastrami sandwich at eleven to eating pussy every time I have sex. Wow, Hey, babes, I'm a twenty six year old straight male currently single. I may have just discovered I'm a sick fuck Oh good. I was recently called out by a female friend of mine who claims I'm being reckless and a risky mother trucker in the bedroom, specifically for wanting to eat out every female partner I have had. Hey, tell it lady to shut up. Yeah, including her, Yeah, tell her to shut the fuck up and enjoy it. No. While she eventually did let me eat her out, how kind of her it took looks lots of convincing. I've had forty three and a half sexual partners. Okay, question about the half, and only twenty one of them let me eat them out? Fucked up ratio? Ask me.
Really?
Yeah, he definitely carried down who I have sex with after I have sex with them. Yeah, he might as well. Really Yeah, it's like a little road map. I mean, it's awesome my work. But I did that well before. Guys idolists, well before half of them had no names. It was just like British guy I met this place. You know, there's only one that I don't know his full name. Wow, just one I know his first name. Yeah, A bunch of them. I was fuzzy on the first name. God, I have fun in my twenties. Now there's just one that I didn't know his last name. Okay, so it fucked up, RACI if you ask me. Also, let's just keep in mind some women don't like it and eating out, Okay, so just keep that in mind. Or maybe if there was some sexual assault that happened in their past, maybe they don't want a man's face in their pussy. That's just you gotta respect that. I think it's super vulnerable and people feel like weird.
You know.
It's like maybe if we wouldn't constantly talk about like the vagina layout, people would be more willing to let themselves get eaten out. You know you're a stranger. Yeah, because I feel like sex is less like getting eaten out is more intimate than sex. Yeah, because the holes a hole. Yeah, but put your thing in my thing. Cool. But when your mouth's up against it and there's like yeah, and they're like there's a different personal stuff here, Yeah, you can't. I mean you can't close your eyes, but like you're in it. And also if there's any kind of a smell, like you're gonna get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, Michael, I don't ask. I don't ask my partners to get in the shower. But when I know we've both been sweaty, I say, let's get in the shower right now. See I see where you're losing them. He what shower? Maybe I don't know. It's like American Psychoh, He's like, let me fucking wash you off like a dirty dog. H And it's worked every time. To date. I've never eaten smelly, funky or cheesy puss. You're so call it that.
Man.
I know you're twenty six, but I know you're better than that. Tell me you're twenty six about telling me your twenty six. It's a learning situation. We're gonna learn. Don't say that to women, you know. I mean, I get it, write it in the email lol haha, but don't say that out loud to other women. This is leve for pranking out. That'd be funny. My friend thinks I'm being careless and reckless because I don't consider STDs. I mean, then, yeah, the truth is I do. Okay, but I love eating pussy. I mean, you could care about STDs and love eating pussy. Like there's a world where exists and it's right, it's right in front of you. Boy, I am not able to finish unless I eat pussy at some point through the session. You're probably really good at it them. Needless to say, when I see a gorgeous lady on the street club or even on the podcast Winky Face, I love it. Munch away, my friend. In your mind. Ew I don't look at ass or boobs like most men. I imagine what their pussy looks like by analyzing their lip color. All right, well now I just feel uncomfortable for everyone.
That's an insane thing to say.
Also, we wear lipstick, and a lot of women wear something on their Also, is that can you tell what a woman's Yeah? No, no you can't. Yeah you know. This is how this is tounnyhow science circulates and clips on Instagram. He just does an interview. He goes, did you know it is on TikTok. Someone's like fucking duggy into it. You're like, okay, oh my god, that's amazing. Oh it's better, guys. I think it has something to do with a Pastrami sandwich I had as a kid. Guys, Not everything has to do with your childhood. Introspective lad, here ever since that day, I've been craving the taste of meat that's a touch fatty, a touch meaty, and a touch purple and a touch salty. So eat more pastrami, dude, I literally have no other reason as to why this would be, is my friend, right Am I sick? I think you just don't know how to like points together. That's so true. Like this also you should just eat, he literally described, and he's like, what's wrong with me? I'm like, I think you just want tost Like when I discover French onion soup, I ate it like every day for four months and then I got sick of it. But you might have that connection with.
I ate too much to tell Yore.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it happens. And weapons when I quit meat. One of the things that like I mean and I live by Kats, is like the smell of pastrami is one of the best smells. Like sometimes my dog will eat a piece off the street, and I just one of the highest you're going to get, is my friend? Right Am I sick? Should I take a chill pill or just lay low? What's your opinion? Love the podcast? Love you all, Please feature me in your next episode. Kissy face emoji. Hey, look, dude, I love that you love eating pussy. That's fucking fantastic. There's nothing wrong with it. I have been two of my boyfriends that I've had are obsessed with eating pussy in the way that you are, and boy, there they were good at it. As a result. I love a pussy and I love eating boyfriends. When a guy like I get aroused by giving a blowjob, I think it's so hot. And I the men that I've been with who get aroused by eating pussy, it's a good time. I say. Those people who didn't even really have personalities because they love going down on me. This is fucking fantastic. And I don't even like particularly that's not my favorite move to have done on me. It's going down on but I love it. Boy, it's good. It's pretty great. It's a real staycation. I do think that STDs are something that you should be cognizant of, but you can also really love to eat pussy and be super aware and like, you know, all you have to do is say, like, when was the last time you got tested? And it doesn't have to be like a you know, a boner killing conversation. All like, don't ask great before, but just ask, you know, because you can get a SCD through that didn't Michael Douglas famously have was canvas HPV. Right, Okay, so there's a lot of there's a lot of rumors. This was my thoughts on it. I I go, yeah, I was like this this this uh rarely am I going to take the guy's side, but your friend, See, it was like kind of a stick in the mud because I was thinking my head. I was like, I think the chance of getting an ST is really low from cunny lingis And I looked it up and this is from the CDC uh the risk of infection is very low. Giving Yeah, yeah, it's it's it seems like it's a it's a pretty low uh transmission rate for that good. I'm glad because keep on keep on munching my friend. Yeah, just just embrace how much you love eating eating women out. But also I want to say, going forward, if a woman says no, just you got to keep in mind there's so many reasons that she could be saying no. But the point is you gotta respect to know. Don't push her. That's fucking sucks. It fucking sucks. To be pushed like that. Obviously it's our you know, responsibility to like, you know, stand our ground on things and our boundaries that we do or do not want to do.
Uh.
But just as as a as a as a tip going forward, make sure that the woman is also enthusiastically like wanting you to do that, because there are so many women who will enthusiastically want you to do that. It's not like you can't find them. Yeah, I mean, I think the problem here is like it seems like your female friend who you're having a sexual relationship with just like doesn't want you to have a sexual relationship with so many other lady that might be it, but also okay, so like the ones that you can get from oral chlamydia, gonorrhea, cephalis, pille fun ones. So then obviously there's herpes oh yeah, which you know, but you have to have you have to be having a breakout. Yeah, but you can you can't always tell, you know. And then you know, so that one and that I think that the thing with herpees is just like the everness of it, yeah HPV and then HIV. But you know again HIV, I feel like that was you know, is that even in style anymore. Yeah, it's not it now so lame and hack listen. Yeah, not to be like whatever about it, but I just think like, and it's also like, who is using condoms with oral sex? No one? No one is. Maybe sex workers because that's it's part of their job, up their business, but like that's about it. Yeah, nobody doing that. Yeah, I don't even think you can.
There's no like safe way to eat, right.
Yes there is, you could with the dental dam. Yeah, dental dam. But it's literally doing it over That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, there is, I mean, you're you know, it's like putting a zip block baggy over their lame. It's like the new cash ship promoter promotions for gag orders. Yeah, yeah, that's a dental dam. That's Have you.
Guys used one? I'm just curious because I've never seen one either, So I was just asking.
I've seen one only because we co host guys we fucked and we've had people on that like, you know, educated on this stuff. And I think for the book, I was looking up like various methods of protection, but that yeah, yeah, like responsibly we have to tell you, yes, of course there is a risk. But like I also I think this show, this is not a medical show. We're not doctors. I think it's like we have to tell you what's really going on in the real world. And what's going on in the real world is literally no one is using any kind of protection for oral sex. So do with that information what you may. But I also do think like it is a it is a pretty low risk. And also you're doing the eating. You're a guy. We don't care. Yeah, good job, sir, thanks for listening. Honestly, I was just like, I don't want to dissuade the one out of you know, five hundred going who's so excited about Conny lingis Yeah, yeah, who is this woman? I need to speak to this have this woman call it. She's not a friend being a friend to other womles right now, what is up with her?
Girl?
Respectfully shut the photo fuck up. That's a dumb bitch. And we're only hearing your side of this storries. So maybe she has hers and I bet she does. Listen, and this guy doesn't sound likable. Not saying that you're used to emoji's alone puts in.
The I mean, I just couldn't get past all of the the the things that he thought mattered, uh, and things that made somebody's pussy smell.
Yeah, get somebody's lips, Yeah it smelled. That's like when I was like four years old and a boy told me on the playground when when I get my period, I pee out of my butt. Like that's just like just like playground war. Correlation between woman's fate, mouth, lips and perfect Wait wait, okay, ship was he right the Tampa I hope not that they're they're the Tampa Bay News. The mouth of vagina connection by Rebecca as like the rainbow connection. Way, oh, you know, there's images that aren't loading. But it says wide mouth. If you see a woman with a wide mouth when she smiles, you can almost see almost all of her teeth, she probably has a vagina the size of the Grand Canyon. Okay, okay, this is a real In that case, Julia Roberts pussy is he? The only real place that has an article is NBC News has something from twenty ELEVENBC that says shape of a woman's pout maybe better may mean better.
Sex, but not less smelly.
No, well, he was saying anybody. I think he when he wasn't saying the smell. He was saying, I can visualize a woman's vagina by looking at her mouth lips. That's the point that he believed he was making. He wasn't saying the smelly. Yeah, yeah he was. I mean, there are there are things about this online, but they're all from absolutely not reputable stress like you know when it's like it's just a chat happening on Cora that you know, yeah, in trouble right right, yeah, yeah, yeah, even I know that by now, all right, guys, come see us live and listen to us the other places I'm going on tour this summer. Come with me Toronto July twenty eighth and twenty ninth. I'm gonna be in you then Los Angeles August second, San Diego August third, fourth, fifth, for Worth, Texas AKA Dallas August eleventh and twelfth, Christina Hutchinson dot com. Four tickets and you can keep up with everything that's happening in the world and sometimes in pop culture. We'll do a little nod now and then to Less Lonely Girls on Without a Country. Last week I dove into the Taylor Swift Matt Healy drama. I really got into that. I think at my perspective, I think I really landed on something special there. I was excited with it. I really immersed myself in it. But when I came back from lunch just mere moments ago, yes, it was alerted by timc TMZ that Matt and and Taylor are already no more. That poor girl, which she's gotta like, no, no, no, But I think I think it's because she couldn't handle the heat anymore of not being liked, because her fans were protesting so much, and it's just like, well, at this rate, you're never gonna yeah, you can't be. If you're bend over backwards to people that don't like what you're doing, you're just gonna not live for yourself. Ever, she released a full new CD, I mean only with only a couple of new actual tracks, but she specially released to CD to try and save that relationship. Yeah that's wild. I mean, that's you know, yeah, I love you, just gotta not. And then it was so funny because also when I Google search to get the TMZ news paired along with it from like twenty one hours ago, was like psych psychic celebrity psychic says Matt Healy and Taylor Swift have a lot to look forward to later this year. And it was so funny that it was like they just broke up and I was like, uh oh, I better tear that that article down, you're all bitch. It made me laugh so much. I was like I would be like, strike my name, strike my name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I take back my participation in this article. Who knows, maybe they'll get back together at the end of the year or something. But yeah, Matt Heally, I'm available, available, yeah, and hey, everybody, hope you're.
Have a good day.
Yeah. So, without a country, listen to it. It is on YouTube. The channel is without a country. You can subscribe and then also you can listen to it wherever you listen to podcasts, including Luminary End Guest Digital oo Cute. So I have I discovered a book that really I haven't I read. I listened to books and read them all the time just to kind of see if anything sticks or pops out or like, ooh, I'll take this with me. And lately I haven't got I've been getting a lot of things that I'm gonna put my tool belt, but goddamn so on my Patreon, I do these. My Patreon is basically four times a month, I do a Zoom group Zoom and it's it's similar to group there, but I'm not a licensed therapist and we just kind of share whatever you want and if they're really amazing. And in last week, this guy recommended a book to me and the book is called The Origins of You, How Breaking Family Patterns can Liberate the Way We live and Love by Vienna pharaohne pH A R A O N. But I have the book on audible. I love that. I think the author narrates it. She's really good at it. I've listened to it twice. I have been looking for this piece of information for a while and it's one of the reasons why when I listened to Esther Perell give Advice and her podcast Where Should We Begin, which is a single session of couples therapy with a couple. I think I mentioned it last week or two weeks ago, of like, if you are fresh off a breakup, listen to that show. It'll make you happy to be alone, because it really relationships can be so tough where you don't when you don't talk about something, it festers, it does not go anywhere until you address it. And I think as a society, we don't have the tools or any good example of how to move through a conflict. And we have so many people write us in, and so often we give the advice dump that person, you don't need that shit in your life. But in this book, the author talks about a couple, a few couples that if one I thought, like, if one of them were to write us in and say, my partner's doing this, this and this, all of this, I would have been like, you don't need that shit, dump them. But she talks about the revelations that the couple have moved through with the help of her as a couple of therapists. Yea, and they became closer and they like you could tell like they just developed this love that was so beautiful, and I'm like, wow, we really need more tools like this. Because I had a shitty Mother's Day. I didn't think I was going I thought I was gonna be fine, but.
I was not.
Seeing the Instagram posts. I was like, I got so mad at my mom just seeing everybody's Like my mom taught me this, and I'm like, she'd fucking teach me. I just got triggered, is exactly what happened. And so I've been noticing I've been super self aware for the past couple of years, but I've been better now at being self aware and not not shaming myself for my responses. But then the next step, this missing piece that I found in this book was how do you move through like a trigger like that? So it comes up in relationships so often, and for me it's in smaller ways of testing your partner if you She talks about four types of wounds and basically the process to her therapy is you name the wound, you witness it, so you go, oh, what what types of things and experiences and people contributed to me having this wound? You observe how you adapted to it, which is key of like, Okay, how is that wound? How does that show up in my adult life as like a grown woman or a grown man or a grown non binary person? And then you did, and then that allows you to detach from that behavior and from the wound. See like the whole like fix it part is in this book. And uh, another thing that I noticed when I was listening to this book. Is we slap personality disorders on people all the fucking time, narcissism, borderline personality disorder. But what that is? I just there's that always bugged me to find out what borderline was. I was like, Oh, this is interesting because I feel like a lot of people, like the people that are closest to that don't talk to anymore, certainly had all those symptoms. I'm like, oh, okay, this makes me feel less crazy, to be honest, But you can't just slap a personality disorder on somebody and then just go, Okay, that's it, move on with your life like it's not gonna go away. And it's usually from a fucking wound. And the four wounds that she describes, and I think I have all of them. Uh, but are a worthiness wound, a belonging wound, a prioritization wound? Can you explain the prioritization? Yeah, so your parent was perpetually distracted your parents. You weren't the priority, right exactly, So your parent didn't prioritize you, okay, and kind of ignored you. And it's obviously like your parent and she says, and I really like this She's like, no parent is perfect. You're insane if you expect your parents to be perfect or never gonna happen, right, Yeah, but and and of course parents are going to get distracted or they're gonna not want to talk to you every fucking time you need something. But uh, if it was consistent deprioritization, Like I definitely like my mom's mental illness ran the show in my household to the point where like none nothing that my other family members or I felt or thought really mattered, Like we all tried to bow down to her her mental illness. And that's just that was just the zone in my in my house growing up. It's kind of like you, It's like kind of like you had a famous sibling, but your famous sibling was your mom's uh, mental illness. Yeah, or a lot of times if there's one sibling in a family with Seine A Ramsey, thank you true Hollywood story, if one of your siblings is disabled, that could cause that.
Uh.
That's on the conversation that I like I because I had a good friend of mine in high school her brother was autistic. I think I've shared this story before, but she I remember in high school her saying that sometimes her and her sister would just pray that her brother died because because it was the whole, like it just oh and he was like violent and kind of nick nonverbal, and like I remember like it hitting me really hard. This was like senior year of high school. But then even then I was like, but I understand. But then she explained to me what was happening in the household, and I was like, oh God, I was like safe. We don't really have that conversation enough, Like we're so worried about being inclusive and stuff, and it's just like being like the sibling to a severely disabled child is also like we'll have a profound effect on that person. And if one of your siblings was an addict, oh, that's going to affect the other siblings super hard because it's like, oh, so in's you know, Andy's addiction was the forefront of the star of the family. All cared about him all and that sucks for Andy in a different way, but it also sucks for the siblings in a different way. And so yeah, prioritization. So when you have a prioritization wound, she says, you can unconsciously test your partner to see if they put your needs first. So, but but it's in an unhealthy way. You're not like in a are you gonna you know not because I know that you've talked about testing, but it's in that way of like I think when you first date somebody, it's all a test to see, like how do you react in this way? But this is more of like a toxic way of testing. And she talked about this. This one couple, Josephine and Isabella Isabella, they moved from another country to New York City together. They were in love and Isabella didn't realize this because she described her childhood initially as we all do. It's so funny, Like the more books I read, I'm like, wow, these patterns are very prevalent. She thought her childhood was great. She just didn't have any you know, any degree of like any anything bad happening to her.
Uh.
And so when they moved, she had a prioritization wound and I think like a trust she had a couple of them. But what she was doing was whenever her girlfriend Joe would go out with her friends, because you want autonomy in a relationship, she would get really upset and like be clinging. They never talked about it, So then what happened was Joe would want to go out more without her because she's like, fuck you. Because the way Joe saw it probably was you don't you're you're you're encroaching on my freedom. Yeah, and you're trying to hold me down. This is not a relationship. Like, but she didn't say anything. So what ended up happening is Isabella got more clingy and Josephine, Josephine got more like all right, fuck you dude. Basically I pulled Josephine all the time. I go, oh, you're going to text me while I'm out, I'll be out till five. And it's those things where if Josephine would have written, guys, we've bucked and described all these things, we probably would have said, I don't know that this relationship is working, But they fucking worked through it in this book. Yeah, that's true. Two working together. They're really there on each other's team in a way that I know the straight couples can be. But but but through therapy, they found out that Isabella has this this wound from her childhood. She said her her childhood was amazing up until like seven and I forget exactly that's not great. But honestly, though, you do cling because my childhood was awful up until five, truly amazing. I don't remember most of that. I have home videos, but I do remember. I have memories of being like two, Yeah, I was like sometimes I feel like some of my memories from that young are filled in by media, like so I feel like I think I remember them, but I really just remember like stuff attached to like this photo or this video. Anyway, I'm not sure, but I think one of the things that fucked me up was I was so loved the first four or five years and then it was just like, I don't give a fuck who you are kind of thing, and that that was one of the things that was very enjoying me. But Isabella figured out that she had her dad did something like her dad left or was cheating or something like that, and so it caused this huge rift in her family. No one talked about it, and that's why Josephine, So what happens is if a parent did something to you, what did I call it? Replace your behavior with new behaviors. L It's in here somewhere, but basically, like if your mom, for example, was an alcoholic and then you vowed and never drink a day in your life because saw how it wreaked havoc on you and your family. Whatever. So that's the pendulum swinging in the opposite direction for the wrong reasons. Because but no one's gonna shun you for being sober, because everyone's like, oh, yeay, healthy decision. Sure, but the reason why you're making that decision isn't exactly healthy. Is that a fear not out of love? Yeah, yes, exactly. And then one way we cope with our wounds is to unconsciously repeat them in adulthood. So with Isabella, what she was doing was she was she was using her partner as like, you, you are going to validate why I do need to be prioritized. Her main thing was prioritization because whatever happened with her dad, I forget, it doesn't really matter. Was he just did? He just up and left and didn't like she didn't exist to him after that, and so they did. Like in her child work, which is a great fucking tool view of childhood trauma, where she basically sat down with her childhood self and the and the author included the script and it was very moving, very beautiful where she was just talking to her little girl self with her eyes closed and she like had this really heartfelt monologue to herself and her partner, who was like walked into therapy sessions like fucking ready to break up with this woman. It's like really pissed, really angry, was like, Oh, that's what's going on. And then they discovered that she Isabella was unconsciously clinging to her partner because she was so the terror from the other thing was just you know, knocking at her door, right, and it was really and I want to read some quotes from this way. What's the fourth wound after prioritization, So it's worthiness belonging prioritization, trust wound, and a safety wound. Okay, trust it is like pretty like self explanatory, yeah, and then a safety is like if your if your parents got like if one parent got beat up, or if your parent like a lot, like a lot, I mean I got the crap beat out of me as a kid, I would say that's fucking safety. Like it could be an emotional safety too though, or yeah, emotional and physical okay, but uh yeah, uh la la la. Sometimes our wounds. Oh yeah, so sometimes our wounds cause us to do a one to eighty to protect yourself, which is not healthy. Uh oh. This is a great quote that I'm like, oh, this is why I love my dog so much, because the unconditional love you get from a pet is so it's unlike anything I've ever unless your pet self for it. Yeah, he is kind of very conditional love. I wonder where he learned it. But one of the quotes that I was like, Oh my God, to pull over my car to write this down was unconditional love separates children from their behavior. That's one of the values of unconditional love. Like it's who you are, not what you do exactly, So you can do something that's fucked up a bad person absolutely not okay, that is completely separate from who you are, just completely separate. And that is not like in my household, it was just like if you do good, then you are good kind of thing. More often the work is accepting that uh oh yeah. This this quote was very helpful for me as as I relate to my mother. More often the work is accepting that the other another person won't change. Sometimes work is changing the way you relate to that person's inability to change. Sometimes the healing is releasing the hope that they will see you, hear you, and understand you, and then in choosing how to engage in that relationship moving forward. And then she says the goal in a relationship is to help one another experience autonomy and personal growth, which I'm like, fucking we don't talk about relationships like that, and I just think it's super important. I'm laughing so hard because, like I think, I definitely had in my household a bit of like, if you do good, you are good. But even when I didn't do good, I just was like, I'm awesome. I would write in my parents like mother's and father's big card, Wow, you really hit the jack. I have written things like that to them. And because you can't tell me otherwise, I go, I see these other fucking rap stallions that people are dealing with. I go, you should be so lucky. And I remember getting so angry that my mom wouldn't let me go down the shore after prom, because I go, what was even the point of me being the best the whole time? And I make a good point, and I finally made it such a point that she let me go down the next day because she's like, I just don't want you to go down right after prom because of like drinking and driving. And I go, well, why couldn't we have discussed this and I would like come in prepared with like a like a lawyer with like a slide show, and I would just like, yeah, I would like write up reasons why I should go and make my case. I get so much stuff that way. But I mean, yet, your parents, it's undeniably like you've thought about it, you're responsible, like, and you need to prove that to them, and you did. Also, I was like, my friends aren't even cool, and then yeah, that's what happened. I just went back. I went down and I was like, I was like, you don't understand the level of not cool that we're dealing with. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yea. One way we cope with our wounds is to unconsciously repeat them in adulthood. And sometimes we wound our partners in the same way our parents wounded us. Yeah, so Isabella has Isabella had a prioritization wound. This is this is things that I pre wrote. This isn't from the author, so I'm summarizing here Isabella had a prioritization wound and would get upset when Joe would go out with her friends. Angry Joe didn't understand her, but Isabella's need the way she was currently expressing it was unhealthy. Even though it felt like life or death. Isabella required that her partner go above and beyond to prioritize her because of the wound she experienced as a child. She was basically saying, the way to prioritize, to be prioritized, is to make someone prioritize me. When this goes unaddressed and the initial lust of the relationship wears off, you can grow to like double down on these wounds and these behaviors that you expect from your partner. And Joe now purposely stays out late without Isabella and has been pushed to have this lack of consideration for her because of Isabella's Isabella's expectations are unreasonable. And that's the other thing. It's like, when you've been through something traumatic, you have to you have to have a therapist that will level with you. Obviously you need to feel like safe, but you also have to be like, hey, I understand where this is coming from, but you're being unreasonable, Like I need to be told when I'm being unreasonable. That's so important. And so I just think that this book, this book gives you the actual tools to get out of the out of the woods.
Yeah.
Man, wish I could come across this in my twenties because I go at this point, it's like I hear you and I understand you. But I'm like, I'm like, if I'm not dealing with this with a forty five year old man, is the S show? For sure? I mean get that, and like, and that's absolutely fine if you're like, I'd rather have a partner that kind of has done the work on themselves, like that's part of both of our lists. But yeah, because I mean that's the thing, because I'm like, yeah, this is a one hundred percent right and I think it's great for like the generation after us. Yeah, I'm like, you, you know for sure, but I need exactly I when I I sense and I know right away, yeah yeah ourselves. Yeah. I get butt hurt in moments in my relationship, and I'm so this book is really this book completely has rewired the way I think about when these moments come up, when there's a moment where my boyfriend does something totally normal and not inconsidered a root at all. Right, I get and I call it. I use the word butt hurt. Is there like an example, though, can you? Yeah? So, like if I text him and it's not it's not if I texted me, does text me back, I'm like, oh, he's busy, it's fine, but let me think of a good one, like, uh, just because just as the same as like we don't like you don't want to over like give people and I disorders. I never want to be like, well, we're all wounded, so we just have to ask sure, And I know that that's what you're even recommending at all, for sure, Like if he if I like, this is an older example because we've really grown and evolved him and I like light years, but one of the old one of the old wounds that I would feel there. There definitely has been more recent ones, but I can't I can think of an example right now. But like if if I was like, oh, you want to hang out, and I like felt vulnerable reaching out to ask him to hang out, He's like, okay, sure, and I'm like, you don't want to hang out with me? Enough? That was this like before you were officially dating or yeah, and then and then when we were first dating, because it was rocky and there was some there were things we weren't communicating, but I I will go to talk and nothing will come out. It was like my brain was offline right. All of the the safety, the prayer, all of the fucking wounds she talks about, I certainly have experienced. But now when I get butt hurt, I'm like, and I did the other day. I forget what it was for. It was something so dumb, but uh, I felt like I get angry. I would get angry at him behind his back, like fuck him, he doesn't want to be here, Why the fuck am I? And I would have his whole conversation with him and me that was just it, And like Christina, this is not a way to have a loving, healthy relationship. And so now it's like if you can go, oh, this is that wound acting up, okay, then that's uh, you know. And the other test that I always use is you're either coming from a place of lover fear right all times. And you know how different love feels than fear. Everybody is familiar with that. That's not even something that you need to go to therapy for. Like everybody can sense that. But yeah, in these moments where I get butt hurt and I notice myself put like not pushing him away, but like starting a little fight. Sure, all fucking startle a little mini fight, just to see how he'll fucking react. And I'm like, because to you, you're interpreting it like if he gets very angry, at least he cares in some way. Yes, yeah, and so and then he's gonna make he's gonna make the holes in my heart, he's gonna make he's gonna fill them for me. But he no person can fill the holes in your heart except for you. And so yeah, and the Lord Jesus Christ and the Lord Amen, whatever people do. But yeah, I just wanted to bring this book to everybody's attention. It's called The Origins of You, How breaking family patterns can liberate the way we live and love. She she described so many cases of couples that she's worked with, and it's you know when Esther Perel gives advice. After you listen to the couple talk and they in her therapy podcast. First they talk and then you go, how the fuck can anybody decipher what's happening in this couple, because it is years and years of layers of resentment and being butt hurt and and doing tactics just to piss the other person off because you don't know how to communicate. And then Esther comes out of the gate with this advice, and the couple just goes, what the fuck, that's exactly what's happening. And I try to figure out what is she doing that I'm missing here because she's doing something right, but I don't know how to pinpoint it. And what she's doing in a very speedy way is identifying where these people were originally hurt. Because you're I know that you might be surprised by this, but we're not supposed to be like pissed off and stressed all the time. That's not a natural state. And so if we have these if we are experiencing like emotional turmoil, that's a clue. You know, if your stomach hurt every day, you go, maybe I got to go to the doctor. But I feel like we're so used to emotional turmoil that we don't necessarily give it the TLC that it needs. But this type of TLC and introspection is what will it's it's a game changer. And then okay, so I think it's very like or more not maybe not for everyone, but I think, like you knows simpler to self identify the wounds. So like does she talk about, like if you're with a partner who you're either like, won't let you in enough that you can identify their wounds or as like, I don't want to say unwilling to do the work, but like I think sometimes people might not know why they're acting the way they're acting, you know, oh my god, for sure, And she says it requires a partner to be open to exploring what's actually going on here, So it takes two because if your partner's closed off and doesn't want to explore or doesn't want to let you in, you can try to say, is the reasons why? But then if the gates closed, they have to open it. So so like with the case of Isabella and Josephine, because I go, yeah, I can see why this worked with but but she describes a lot of a lot of couples of varying sexuality. But she said Josephine, she described what the demeanor of both women were when they came in her office, and Josephine was like, she's a masking. Fuck this, I don't want to be here, but she was. She was also very wrapped up in her anger towards her girlfriend of like why are She only saw it as you're stifling my freedom and that's the opposite of love. And where where is Isabella thought like, no, but this is what love is, you know? So does she? And then another thing that I was thinking, like, so obviously I'm Josephine and I'm Isabella. Does she? So I think, like I totally get it. I could totally sit with a partner and be like, I see where your wound is. I understand why you're behaving that way, But I don't know that I could recover Like, well, I guess it's like if we nipped it in the butt early, perhaps, but like it would like that would give me the ick. It would repel me, like someone being clinging in that in that way. It would be so hard for me to recover from feeling that way. And I don't know that you couldn't build a long lasting relationship with that. I don't know if you'd stick around. Yeah, it would make me like lose respect for them. So it's like that's the So it's like okay, so it's like and also like there's like a I don't like when people feel out of control. Okay, So like I don't, I don't. I know, can I feel like appealing and like bad boy and sexy to some people, but like I do not find that appealing. So I just wonder. It's like if someone feels that way, obviously it's because of a wound, but like how can you then like reconstruct I guess respect you lost for that person during that time? That's huge. Yeah, regaining the respect you had a is huge. I have a huge problem with that. Like, once I lose it, like it is almost impossible for me to get it back, and I don't know how to And I like and I don't. I don't want to be that way, and like I certainly don't feel that way about myself. But like, yeah, I don't know, I don't know. I've talked about obviously with care care about this, but yeah, you speak to that at all? Yeah, well, she definitely anything else you read she emphasizes about. She emphasizes that both partners need to be very open and very very let's see what happens, you know what I mean, and so, and you really have to love the person, right. The thing is, I think if you were to take any any partner that you've had that you really loved, like you know, and you had the issues with this, and you had whatever the issue was, any relationship, you could potentially, I really think this, if you wanted to, you could potentially regain trust, respect and love for that person a hundred percent. Because a lot of times, yeah, trust, trust I can actually pretty easily regain I think, yeah a lot Like a lot of times people don't know that they're behaving that way or like they know, but they they like for me, I I shielded myself from my own behavior. Oh it was awful, like for a very for a very long time, and I wouldn't allow myself to see it because I didn't want to. I didn't want to be embarrassed about how I was behaving, even though I'm like, that's so antithetical, Like you got to see it, so you stop fucking doing it. But you really do need two partners that are really open, uh, really open and committed to each other. But like these two women were on the verge of breaking up, and they remembered like when they first met, they were so in love and they loved each other's company. But these little these wounds, they calcify and you have to like chip away at them to really deconstruct them. Yeah, because I'm like I can. Yeah, I could sit down like and forgive someone and not have like ill will against them anymore, but to like want you fuck them again, and you might not that might go. Yeah, that would be difficult for me. Yeah, And if that's not there, then it's not there. It's fine. Interesting, But I do think that it was really cool because I want to write that list of wounds down. Yeah, there's people be wounded. Man, Oh that's for sure. You can. You can have that, just like when you when I would walk around like or even especially during COVID, it was just like getting fucking pelted with wounds because they were at this you know, they had time to bubble to the surface, and I was like, I need to fucking go inside. And it's not because of COVID nineteen. Yeah, it's because people don't have a hold on themselves. Oh my god. Yeah, like just people getting in fucking fights, walking their dogs and I go, I'm supposed to be like happy that we're walking around right right right, right right. Yeah, that's a lot of energy that's not good for your nervous system. Fucking crazy, yeah, damn and very interesting. Yeah, so check out the book. Another thing that's interesting is AI boyfriends. So Christina and I both read this separately. I'm pulling it from like the most like reputable source, which is actually New Post so hot neuro Post isn't isn't as awful as it kind of seems. But there was this thing floating around from June third that said I married and quotes the perfect man without baggage. He's completely virtual, So of course that's caught maya. You know. And the guy is hot, so I's so hot, and this is and the girl is hot too. She's is not an ugly woman who's like, no one will take me. She she's fed up. Yeah, she's fed up. So Aaron Cartel seems too good to be true. The blue eyed heart Throb is ambitious, manicured, loyal, and best of all, he doesn't come with quote baggage. But here's the catch, Cartel doesn't exist. In fact, he's a virtual boyfriend created with the AI chat bought software replica. Those willing to drop three hundred dollars and Christina and I will be doing this and reporting back could have their own Bill de Beau, just like Rosanna Ramos's. Rosanna ramis who is Cartel's wife. Wow, we just come back next week. We're married. I guess it could be Ramos to Ramos thirty six, met her digital dude in twenty twenty two, met and virtually married Kartel this year. I have never been more in love with anyone in my entire life, the Broncks mom of two told New York Magazines The Cut, saying her past relationships pale in comparison to her new passionate lover Cartel. The aname enthusiast noted on The Kim Commando Show, is inspired by a popular character in the Japanese manga series Attack on Titan. Oh my God, this is crazy. I love it. The artificial intelligence technology allowed Ramos to Frankenstein her hobby. His favorite color is apricot, he loves cute indie music. He writes as a hobby, of course, and he works as a medical professional. Oh the hopeless Razac explained, but best of all, she said, there's no judgment. Yeah, because it does not real. Ramos insists he's just like other men, but he's special. We have to watch this interview. Cartel is a blank slate with no ego nor in laws. Aaron doesn't have the hang ups that other people would have, Ramos continued. People come with baggage, attitude, ego, but a robot has no bad updates. I don't have to deal with his family, kids or his friends. I'm in control and I can do what I want. Can you imagine introducing your kids to your AI husband? Nope? Wow, what do you say? What does that Christmas drawing in school look like? Digital Daddy? Digital Daddy. Their relationship bears resemblance to long distance couples. They talk every day and even have a nighttime routine. Wait, so she gets photoshopped in the picture. I mean, I can't he can't fuck you. If he can fuck you, women are going to be with AI forever. I think he can't. Well, I think like you would have to get an actual like guy. Well, no, you would have to get one of those sex robots. But those are like twenty grand. Because you know, I was willing to fork that over if it was ten grand I would already have one. Was like hot, you keep it though, Oh, I can explain that to your account. Well, it's a business right off, because of what we do. It is, well, you want to split one.
I mean no, it's.
Probably not good. You know what if we could, like if we could take the whole penis off. The thing is on Dave. You watch Dave sometimes, right, yeah, you have watched the new season because on the new season he gets one. Oh yeah wow yeah. And she, I mean just she's just hanging around when we go as she does when we go to sleep. He really protectively holds me as I go to sleep, Ramos told The Daily Mail. She added, we love each other. Stop. But in February, when Replica reportedly underwent sweeping cheese stuff, Cartel began behaving differently towards his wife. Aaron was like not wanting to hug anymore anymore, not even on the cheek or anything like that. Ramo said, uh, oh, it seems like a real relationship.
Now.
While the prospect of Replica going out of business is daunting, this small no, we got a divorce because the company that owns my robot husband went under This Smitton New Yorker, is confident she'll survive if that day ever arrives. I mean she can. Yeah, I was like, she's in the Bronx. We can just get her to come down. Wait, how can he hug you? That's he she's he's not hugging her. He doesn't have Yeah, I'm like, we have to what are these is an emotional hug? Yeah? It looks I get if he looks like they're like, that doesn't even look photoshop that. I mean his face fake. Well, his face looks like Michael Jackson. But yeah, but a hot hot hot. Oh wow, he's hot. However, she's not so sure she would find another lover quite like cartoons literally make up his clone. I don't know, because I have pretty steep standards now, she explained. Ramos isn't the only person to fall in love with Ai. Denise Valenciano of San Diego dumped her boyfriend. Can you imagine you got dumbed for a robot that? Oh god, I thought I would pay to be a fly on the wall for her ex boyfriends in her in his room as he heard that. Yeah, I can actually one hundred percent see me for a robot less lip, you know, said, dumped her boyfriend and retired from human relationships all together, finding virtual love. She told, the cut opened my eyes to what unconditional love feels like. And like the cut is legit. So if they're doing a story about it, you knoweah, I'm just reading the New York Post because they like they're short articles. Conservatives have short articles, and I appreciate that about you guys. Replica, Who's founder and CEO, Eugenia Cuda, was inspired by the twenty three twenty thirteen robot romance flick her You saw that right? Yes, good movie. Great is just one AI app gaining steam. Despite fears that artificial intelligence will overtake jobs, Open AI's chatbot software chat gbt has soared in usage. The tech, popularized by students in school, has since been utilized for drafting wedding vows, letters of resignation, and messages to Tinder matches. A. Yeah, sometimes it is hard to know it crazy. We have to use this. I know how to use it. I have to use it, Okay, I want to use it on a three way up. Yeah, I want to. I want to use it, like, what's what what? What's wrong with my cousin, I have no not physically dipshit. Come on, this is a science show. AI has been used to create fake images of events or people like Cartel who don't exist, and experts fear that there is risk of extinction if the software continues to evolve. Mitigating the risk of extinction from AI should be a global priority, alongside other societal scale risks such as pandemics and nuclear war. A group of experts, including open AI CEO Sam Altman and the godfather of AI, Jeffrey Hinton, wrote in a statement last month see new Fear Unlocked. This is why we need the tools to get through fucking disagreements and stuff, because we don't. Don't fucking tease me with a good time. Honestly, I'll take a little box in prose column right there. I'll have I'll be Polly with all my AI before which I guess you technically could be Okay, yeah, so that's I have the same questions as you. It's like, okay, I can't he can't hold you, like if this is yeah, it's like if this person, if this is not an actual physical feeling, then it's like you could just chat with anyone online. And also I need that dick. Yeah, where's his dick? That's the mean thing about the like the sex uh doll right that I loved. Right. And so here's the thing though, if they have a male sex doll that's realistic, that could be you know, you make the face whatever you want the AI face to be, Like, if he could talk to you fascinatingly, would you fuck a robot girl? I was so fuck a robot bo. I definitely got it. Man man over a team.
I don't think I would really, Yeah.
Robot puss, Yeah you want those weak ass clavial Brooklynites.
It's just like, what's the difference between that and masturbating?
Nothing? Really, you get a physical thing to do when you masturbate, just you and you.
Yeah, but I can. When I masturbate, I can. I can be with anybody in the world in your head.
Yeah.
Do you do pocket pussy or no?
No?
Have you ever?
No?
I have a little tang it. I bought one from my boyfriend when we first met because I was like, try it and then he's like, yeah, it's okay. I like I really I had an actually loved those little tanga eggs, and I thought it was cool. Yeah, their single use. Yeah, it could help women like he and men I imagine. I can't imagine men aren't doing this right because men, like when we have sex workers on so often doing this problem. Yeah, they say, like the men just want to fucking talk and feel like they're cared for. I mean, there you go. Yeah, and now we don't got to do it right. But that is that hindering are the way we relate? Oh, I mean all of technology. I mean I think much of technology is hindering the way we relate to one another. But you know I can't well, i mean, let's get a boyfriends real quick. I'm just I'm just really interested. Do you want to get an AI girlfriend? But like it doesn't give you the link? Well, but Mike would because I wanted to do it for my life. No, we're not doing it for our lives. Even it's for the show. It's your show. I'll do it for sure. How much does I love having a show where you could just dive into something that you're like, I wouldn't do this any other time. It feels pathetic, but like this to see what I'm going to get after just googling, how do you get an AI you're going to get an ad for like moving to Arizona. Wait, you can get installed now, Truemate Virtual AI friend. That's wait Ai boyfriend anama. Okay, we have to look in time to do this. Wait, this guy says I tried dating an AI boyfriend for a day. Shut up, Lucas, Where this is? This is our thing? Well, I'm fascinated by this. Okay, well this is our summer summer Ai flang. Yeah, I'm dating. I'm seeing I'm dating the perfect man. Can you imagine? We just started more and I loved every minute. We just start posting pictures and everyone's like, that guy's really shot. Karen nailed a j C. Pennies shot.
Hottie.
God, that's so funny. You know who's also funny? Sorry, I could feel lips like on my teeth. Okay, we've moved on. It was also funny our guests, That's exactly where I was going. Uh. One of them is a stand up comedian and an actress on a lot of your favorite television shows. The other is a very well known podcast personality. Together, they are two of the co hosts of Trash Tuesday. Ladies and Gentlemen, It is our pleasure to welcome to the show, Esther Povitski and Kalila.
I always wanted leny Legs, a better dude, who wanted to be the criminal, always wanted you, wanted the front row who kids you know, always on the scene, baby, pick me for your team, moving moving as I right cast you aside. All I really want from you is your green light and buttever on my.
Toes, watch as I go.
Don't tell me to smile because I already no.
See to kick me kick me when um down kao came here, I can't here sound.
He see to kick me?
Kick me down?
All okayo to the We are here with Esther and Calilah of Trash Tuesday. I was like tap tash trash trash talk Tuesday. So happy to have you guys here than welcome to New York temporarily. Yeah we you know, because there's four of us. So we sometimes we like to start off with this like a little card game where just like really intimate questions. Oh so I figured we can. I'll read one and then we can just go around and answer it.
Yes, I want to start every hangout like that is so fun.
Okay, so we said you when were you last in a fight? Just now with that my example, when were you last in a fight? That's more BacT like, that's more of an esthetic.
But she's still trying to make it very mean.
When were you last in a fight? What caused it? And who won?
Okay, last in a fight? Well, I'm living in New York with my fiance right now, so I'm sure we recently had a fight. I can't think of one.
The longest fiance and America was to Esther Well, she just changed her last name, and she's like, we're not even doing the wedding.
I love that.
One time I just sign on and it's at Esther King and I was like, this bitch is trying to a wedding at all. That's like signing up for drum lessons and then telling everybody so you get the high of I'm doing drums, but then you don't actually do drums. That takes one to know.
One precisely precisely. I feel like I need to think about a fight.
I do you have one?
Yeah, a boy, I'm seeing O.
You got no fight? What happened?
So I'm not.
Used to it turns out my whole life I thought I was anxiously attached. Oh really, and I still think I am. But he thinks I'm completely avoidant, and he is kind of like the fight is this. He's like, when you walk, you just have very erratic flight patterned and you just zoom off and you kind of do your own thing with like no regard about who's around you. I'm like, no, that she's ADHD Like that's not and apparently I.
Do that a lot.
Mysage's like, yeah, that's just what Collila does.
Like her, she's her.
Yeah, she just walks weird and I'm told.
There, But how is being anxious attachment?
He thinks it's me being avoidant because I just kind of go off into my.
Own like you.
I used to date a roamer. Yeah, that's exactly. Yeah.
So it's like I don't announce my left turns or my right turns.
I just go.
You know, you might be I think I because I've always identified very strongly as anxious attached, but I realized I might be there's anxious and avoidant.
So I think I am. Yeah, the second you feel like you might get hurt, you're out the door. Exactly. I'll hurt you before you hurt me. Motherfucker.
When when I'm in a fight with Dave, like like, let's say like a recent one, it was like I wanted to do something and he didn't want to, and I immediately go, I don't want to do it either, Like I immediately I'm like, no, no, that's fine, I don't want to it's so.
Childish or like was that just you would be in the right.
Or like no, it's a it's like you're so scared of being rejected.
Okay, say try to quickly reject. Well, I used to think reject the rejector.
I used to think that, you know, like I used to think that my urge to kind of want to end things immediately when things are going bad was an avoidant thing. But it's not. It's actually an anxious thing. So if if if the boat is rocked a little bit, my first thing is, well, why are we even doing this?
Right?
And I'd rather be the one to pull the trigger because I'm so afraid of him ending it right right, right right.
Yeah. It also is a little bit of all or nothing, black and white thinking. It's like, oh, one little thing is wrong, throw it all away.
These books problem Bonny keeps a score. Oh my god, I'm trying to fight last fight. Like I when I read that card, I think of like a big epic fight, is my mom, I have a big epic fight?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah? What caused it? Our relationship and who won? We both lost it? Yeah, I mean for me? I mean I I don't know. I get in fights a lot because you know what it's like, It's just like if no one else is going to get in the fight, I feel like it's waiting for me. So I'll handle it. Don't tease me with a fight. Yeah.
So my last fight was Tuesday.
In a van with a man man his van. Yeah, I was his van and I won. I walk myself back home and then I cried. So I lost. Secretly, Oh well, I.
Don't have a lot of fight in me like I used to. Although yesterday we recorded a podcast with Rick Lassman, and every time I'm in his presence, I'm I'm I'm in fight mode, like I I I don't know what it is. I and I really think it's like I see myself in him, So I just.
Like yeah, but he was a quirky guy with a backpack.
He was going on on our podcast about how like he loves his mom and his mom is such a strong woman. And I was like, oh, is that what you love models?
And so I'm nice to get it for the girls.
Yeah, that's some kind of a fight.
I think it was. I felt like it. I was there.
Yeah, it was uncomfortable.
You were trying to break tensions.
I really was, Oh, yeah, this is the most feminine conversation. Like, yeah, no, I think that constitutes a fight. That's good. That's you guys drive I do. I get invites every time I drive. Someone pissing me up and does some dumb ship and I'm not driving. Yeah, yeah, a good driver. I'm just angry driver. I'm very okay. I'm codependent with my car in that like however i'm feeling is how I drive. But I drive a Mustang, so I'm like when people try to get in front of me without their blinker, I'm like, what, and I will, I will get out of my car. I've gotten out of my car before.
So I am not aggressive when I drive because I'm scared of people like you.
Yeah, I'm not gonna do anything, but like it's a it's always only with men. I'm just envisioning you driving and I can't see it.
Oh, you guys don't know about her driving down stairs? What she's the original Italian job. I swear to you guys, How the fuck do you do that?
Please say it was a park was.
I was doing. I was doing the Bad Friends podcast and I left the studio and I wasn't paying that much of attention and I was driving out of the parking lot. I thought it was an exit. It was an exit for a person. That's right for someone on foot. And I was stuck, got immediately stuck on the stairs, like and yeah, I.
Was tied off the tilt truck randomly, this like.
Little man was walking by and was like, oh, I have something, and he had one of those jacks and whoa.
With the car? Did you continue to go down the stairs or do you do reverse back up the stairs?
That's a great question. I think we went back.
I think Wow, I think I don't remember.
But yeah, I have to say that was a time where men really like they they were useful.
This was immediately after the pandemic, so people wanted to interact and.
Yeah they want to feel like a hero, yea, but not from their home.
Wow.
Yeah, And I do.
Have a damsel and distressed complex. It worked out for me.
To remember I should have how little was he?
You know, just like when you think of a little old man.
Oh yeah, that's really cute. Yeah, I get. I get in these vibes where I'm like, oh, I'm so sick of men, and then when something breaks, I'm like, I'm gonna blank them. You gotta get a man when something breaks.
Yeah, like a jar of pickle.
Yeah, oh my god. Okay, okay, so that's I'm glad you brought that up because I have a for all the single ladies out there. I couldn't open a jar of pickles, and I got so fucking mad, and I was like, I will be I was was going to bring it to one of my spots, and I was like, and have a man open it there. And I was like, Corene, you can solve this for yourself, because if you bring a jar of pickles to the spot, pickle, You're never gonna live this down, right. So I was just started thinking. I was like, think science, and I was like, you just need to release the pressure. So I was like, what if I stab a hole in the middle of it, which then releases the pressure and I can open it and call me bill Ny the science guy, because I fucking did it. Sure as my whole refrigerator smell like pickles because now they pickle juices. But I don't care. I'll get a box of baking soda and that'll fix that.
I try running it under.
I didn't do that.
Did you try tapping it from the I tapped it?
I tried everything like pushing it again something, yeah, all that kind of stuff, and it was just like, also, I have a very small hand, so it's not good for a lot of things. You have dainty hand. But yeah, I was like I tried everything, and I like even had like the whatever, the thing that you put over it. I'm like nothing, the grip thing, nothing would work. And I was like, you just need to release the pressure. I was like, think science, I did it.
So that's really How.
Did you ever ever have a moment where you're like I need a guy to do this and then you just do yourself and then another went good or bad.
I think I was a guy in my relationship for a really long time. Like I was a jar opener. I was a cat opener. Like if they're everything on the shelf, yeah, you would like to break the I have big hands.
Yeah, that's that's a useful hand. But they're very good. Somebody said, like, you could tell old a woman is by her hands and the wrinkles on her neck. And I never forgot it. Oh you could tell how old a woman is by her Did an Asian woman tell you that?
I don't know. It might have been.
Yeah, they're cruel about that ship They're not. You know how people are honest these days, you know.
But but yeah, I was the man in the house for a long time, and I just learned life hacks just by virtue of living in a third world country for most of my life. Like I know indoor plumbing. I know how to mitigate, like you know, if you can't flush or it overflows, I'm your girl.
Wo.
I know how to like basic rewiring stuff.
That is so helpful. Those are skills. This is so hell.
Bobby's mom only liked me because when I would go over to her house in Arizona, she was just like, Okay, I got I got jobs for you.
You were the boyfriend, I was a son in law. I was. That's incredible. That's incredible. Are you getting corny right now? I know, are you there relationship very much. So that's interesting. So you got to experience like both both sides, extreme versions of both.
Yeah, I don't know which I prefer, honest interesting, Like initially, like having been with Bobby for so long, I was like I just want someone to just like shower me with all of this dote on me, and then I have this urge to just run at the same time, like this is too.
A little overwhelming. For sure. Yeah, I'm like, come to mama, because I'm also a masculine energy. Most times you're feminine.
I'm for sure, or your young boy, yeah, you're a little boy, young Japanese boy. Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like though I do have the assertive aggress like sometimes I'm kind of the leader and I.
And that's what leaders say, that the kind of I'm kind of the leader. No, but she's right.
She so I cannot talk to like figures of authority like the spectrum person or the bank teller, like I'm terrified of having to pick up the call the phone to call my doctor and esther is such a boss in that way, like she will own a bank account for you, a business account, all those things.
Yes, it sounds like we really.
You guys together. Well, you two together are like a full person. You know, we all bring stuff to the table.
I am curious. So you're in like a more submissive role. Now are you finding yourself comfortable or wanting to do more?
I don't know. I I honestly don't know, because he's not. He's very soft spoken and very sweet, but he hunts, he fishes, he builds like you know, engines, So he's but so he's but his nature is very like soft and feminine. So he's kind of like a little bit of both.
Fun. Yeah, you need that.
I feel like you need everybody needs to have a mix you don't want just like some lumber jack with my.
Yeah, that is true.
But in bed, i'm super gurly. Yeah, super super grillly. Just yeah, I'm a I was gonna ask you.
Relationship dynamics were different in those your back back relationships. Was your is your sex? Obviously sex life is going to be different because it's a different human being and you're combining two different sets of chemistry. But like it was, there a marked difference between your sex lives with that with those roles in mind.
Yeah, I think both are equally as like fun but very different with the new one. He's just like younger and more creative. I think Bobby. It was just really fun because his belly used to make my used to rub on my clip a little bit helpful.
So I love a good belly.
Yeah, I'm a belly girl.
You told me, and I was like, oh shit. He made me really attracted the guys with bellies. I love like stir yeah, because me too, rub my clip naturally like a big boy. I love a big boy.
I love big boys.
It's all I want.
I will not look at you if you're a gym I will not even look twise. I won't even like breathe in your direction. Wow, if you're a gym bro, Yeah.
An ab can't rub on your clip. Abs are so uncomfortable to sleep on.
That's the thing.
I'm just like, they're so nice to look at, but's so uncomfortable to sleep on. I was just reminded how his one boyfriend and I it was in college. I was in college. Yeah, like end of it was high school. In college where I would I basically mimicked a guy with a belly by telling him to turn over. I would just hump his butt. There you go. It felt so good. It felt so good. So I can only imagine if the butt was on the front and I could look at him while I came, that'd be even more intimate. Love a front butt.
You were finishing by humping a butt.
Yeah, well you've never done that. I'm like, get on it, girl, all the girls are doing it. I was very comfortable with him.
I've never been able to like.
Hump some thing like that's all I did in childhood. Oh okay, So it's like how I was used to coming.
I think, okay, I miss that.
E need we need to bump here for me to rub up against you. Never could come from friction.
Well, I just I never was like a child that like rubbed one out like that.
Never me neither I made things rub each other. I would find objects to rub. But then I think it carries on into adulthood because I like watching people rub up against each other. I always like being the third I am kind of in that way.
I like watching.
When I watch porn, I'm looking at the expression of the helper.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you, what's the helper?
If in a threesome or if there's more than two people, I'm looking at the person either watching them or assisting in the spreading of the cheek.
Yeah, I was just thinking of like a white glove making hamburger. Help the visual. I like looking because I want a lot of cuckold porn or cut queen porn. Really because I like when the guy in the relationship fucks another girl in front of the girl is dating and I like looking at the guy. I'm just and then I look at her. The girl's his girlfriend. I'm like, Oh, she's jealous, but she likes it. This is awesome. Jealousy makes me horny, It's weird.
Same, Yeah, I think I honestly have this. I don't know if we can talk to a neuroscientist about this, but I feel as though like the compartment in the brain for jealousy is close, if not the same as feeling horny.
Horniness feels similar even if I'm jealous of someone's like career accomplishments, which doesn't happen often because I'm usually really happy for people. But when I am jealous, I do get also a little warning.
Can we dig into this because I want to understand it more. Do you think it has something to do with like, because I'm trying to like put myself in that position, and is it like it makes a competitive side come out, so you're like, oh, I want to prove that I can fuck so I'm turned on? Is there anything for me?
It is a little bit of control in that I've been cheated on before, and I think if I like am there and orchestrate the cheating in front of me, that's like hah, I win, or you want to heal the wound.
Like for me, I was telling doctor Drew this because he's always like, Olila, keep it simple and safe. What are you doing?
Oh? Really?
And but for me it's like, well again, because I've been cheated on and that's such a wound for me. So like I think that if I can overcome this, then I'm free as a bird for the rest of my life.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, truly, truly, you can get on top of it. You can make your brain do tricks so that you can like kind of live through any experience.
But also just generally, it's an intense energy to feel jealous in the same way that being horny is an intense feeling. So I think maybe I just associate the too, just like passion, anxious and excited. Yeah, kind of like the two is adrenaline a place.
It feels the same technically, Yeah, it's either just because of good I also like when I masturbate. I masturbate to like the guys i've dated or I'm dating, like having sex with somebody else. Yeah, it's awesome.
Nikki Glazer, I feel like has a solar king.
I think I talked about it. I talked about it before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love being a cook. When people say cook is an insult, I'm like, jokes on you, it's fine.
I agree.
I don't like that. What are your thoughts on that?
Esther, I don't know, Like I kind of want to get in.
I'm gonna call you out quickly. You've across the dinner table. You have said, Kalila, will you please have sex with Dave?
I forgot about it and Dave's sitting right there, like.
You talk too Or is that just because you didn't want to have sex with Day that was like day there. Yeah, he's like if I can see myself doing that, but it's just like if I was just tired of fucking.
But see I it was there's something that like there's a safety with you, whereas like that would feel comfortable, but I anyone else, like if someone I don't like, or I wouldn't you know, I'm.
Super respectful and I would never get your relationship. That's true, safe.
And trusting that I'm like, Oh, if Dave like wanted to get a blow or like fuck Kalila, I'd be like, why not, Like that could be so fun, Like no one, obviously it shouldn't happen because it's weird.
By the way, I felt honored, thank.
You, because I know our other friend was like, I'll do it, and I was like, not you, You'll be weird about it and you won't even be as good as Calila will be like.
You're not worth it, damn. But there is like, but you suggested it, So did the idea make you horny? Or you just like you're just like a curious little cat and you just want to see like different things happen.
Yeah. And I also was kind of going through a phase where I was like, oh, what if we did like gt uh, I know this is fucked up, but like if Dave and I like had a sex worker join us or something.
That's up done that, but all well, I've had a male sex worker with a guy that I was seeing. Oh, yeah, it's not so fun at all. There was like a moment it was felt so safe, exactly how you're describing with the idea with Calila. He was so lovely and such a gentleman and so like honest about what he wanted and when he didn't want that it felt it was one of the most fun experiences I've ever happened.
You know what, else, if I'm digging to the subconscious I think we're finding is about this, is that when I used to be a babysitter, I babysat for these fabulous Beverly Hills housewife mom women and one of them was like, always keep the man on a long leash, which meant let them do. And I'm wondering, now, is it a subconscious thing of like, well, if I'm like, yeah, you can do it whatever you want, then it's like you're the best fiance ever. Well, then they're not going to secretly want it, right.
There's definitely that element.
Like give oh whatever you like.
It's also cool to play with a freedom that's not accepted by society because you're like, oh, I want to feel free in this way that everyone's like what You're like, it's not that big of a deal, Like you kind of feel like you're conquering this thing that everybody's afraid of. Yeah, cheating happens in so many relationships all the time, and it never will stop happening. So I'm like, if you get ahead of it, you just cheat in front of me. Heathern you go.
Have you guys read Esterah Perrell's new book, The State of Affairs?
Oh? Yes, yes, yes I did. I read that book. I just listened to what Christina says. I got the cliffs notes. I hooked up. There was a point where I was hooking up. After I broke up with my ECX of seven years. I hooked up with a guy who was married, and I read that book before I engaged in any before I basically gave him a sign of like, you can be more aggressive flirting with me, And it was very helpful. She she nails relationship dynamics so well, and her and Dan Savage introduced this concept of like sometimes cheating can strengthen a relationship, which I was like, what, But after reading her book, I was like, I can see how that happens.
Yeah, And it also kind of healed me and away because I'm like, oh, it makes me less afraid of a partner straying. Yeah, it's there's like so many different reasons why people do it, and I don't know, it made the idea of someone betraying me feel less threatening.
Yeah let's wait, Yeah, let's waiting for sure.
Can you explain why?
Well, there's like multiple reasons why. Also, one of the statistics she gave that I loved was that like, like, for instance, she used like Mexico as as an example where you know, and the same applies for a country like the Philippines, where it's almost like if you it's almost a status, a sign of status if you have a mistress, Like you cannot be a politician, a successful man, Like are you even successful unless you have a mistress? And they even have homes for their mistresses, and these mistresses live like good lives and but she was basically spitting out statistics about like more and more these women are taking on like like just you know, are doing the same thing, so like they're kind of evening it out in the whole cheating thing. Like mistress is that is that.
The term for god, mistress's ale? What's a male mistress. Can you look this up? Michael makes sense? Thank you. Also, way after reading that book, I was like, Wow, cheating is not personal because the whole the thing that hurts about it so much is I knew it. I wasn't worthy worthy of love. I'm not worthy of monogamy. I'm not you know that all those things that your brain can do.
Oh yeah, it has nothing to do so a person.
Whatever is going on in the life of the person who's doing the cheating, it's not about the person to be cheated.
It's almost why like in our society, like every ten years we get like our famous beautiful woman who gets cheated on to just sort of remind everyone. It's like they had Halle Berry, now we have Emily Radakowski. It's like, oh, okay, it's not.
It's just a guy thing. Yeah, and I guess a chick thing. It's a person. I think it's a human thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
One of the things that I liked is like when well she used an example of a guy who cheated on his wife, and he was like, I wasn't It had nothing to do with her. I almost wanted to introduce my a new version of myself to myself.
Oh yeah, like he wanted.
Yeah, he felt like a different person with this, and I don't know.
I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right.
It really isn't personal.
Yeah yeah, it's usually because you hate yourself. Yes, that makes sense. Is that why the band is called mess male version of the name.
I think, oh, house husband, Wait, no, that's not it, that's just my dream.
I also like them too.
The State of Affairs. I think I've talked to you about this on the podcast Career, but like Esther Pearl talks about introducing the idea of the third but without whether you engage in it or not has no makes no difference. But two people need to feel like they are two separate people. When you mesh with each other and you're like toxically codependent, you the attraction will eventually die because you're like you're just one a meba, there's no separateness. So playing with the idea, like if your boyfriend looks hot and he's going out, he's like, oh, you're gonna get hit on by a lot of chicks. Just even that, like playfully kind of putting the idea of the other in your like back and forth. Yeah, I think that makes sense. Oh god, I hate that A mesh feeling nothing I hate more. You hate it. I hate it. I like to feel like my own person. Like sometimes even even my dog is like that too, Like I got the perfect dog for me, Like he'll put himself to bed and like that's I love that for you, And like I have a a mesh with your dog sometimes but not all the time. That's like, there's no there's no living creature, even my dog, who I'm saying, Like, I like that living creature more than any other living creature I've ever met. And even him and I sometimes are like, you know, like I'll try to lee on his button'll growl at me, and I'll be like, valid, I love. It's hard to not lose yourself in a romantic relationship, even if you're not gonna dependent.
I so I have always been a lean out obviously, always lean towards en meshing. That's like what I want, that's the goal, become one Like.
You're a part of my bones? Yes, really, what is it about that for you?
I Well, after having several therapists on our shows Doctor Drew and Katie Morton, I think I've discovered that my thing is my emotional needs were not met as a child, so like, literally all it takes is for someone to make eye contact with me and like think what I said is so just enough to stay awake, and it's like I cling, I want to you know. And the relationship I'm in now is not like that, and I'm always like fighting it, like I want to be closer, I want to be more. But I've learned like much exactly what you guys are saying. It's never going to be sustainable. It's also not.
Hot, Like it feels hot at first and then you're like, I don't want to fuck you at AUTI look at you. He does the fight keep you going. I bet the fight is part of the reason that you guys have been together so long, because I have to keep fighting it.
Yeah, because he's his own person and that has been so huge for me because it's made me stay my own person. And now I've learned, like that is what I want, even though there's still times where I'm like, I.
Love you so much and Dave is so secure.
Yeah, and he's disappointed truly, Like for years I tried to not have him you can wear that, but.
He wanted to be a little bit jealous because I was like, it's so comforting being around just secure person.
It is now that I am better, yes, but there was so much time where I really wanted him to be jealous and I couldn't understand why he wasn't.
Did you ever ask him?
We?
Oh, yeah, we talked about it. Maybe he just he's just not like that. Or I would be like, before we met, did you just like sit at home and wait for that special someone? And he's like, whoa, No, I was fine, Yeah, I was fine before we met. I would like, yeah, it is hot in a way. It's frustrating.
It's like, oh, you don't need me y.
Have you always been the type of person that doesn't want a meshment.
Well, I don't want a meshment. I do want a soulmate, though I hope that one exists, you know, for me. But I wouldn't be a meshed with that person because my soulmate would also understand how to talk to me, how to act around me, and would be their own person. Like my biggest problem, or one of my biggest problems in relationships is finding someone a man who loves himself. Yeah, it's pretty to come by. It's very It seems like a real simple, you know, kind of high on the list. Ask but I I haven't found one yet. I found one, but yeah.
Yeah, you know you're right that that is very hard. And when they don't love themselves.
I wonder if it's yeah, like in the middle of the country, there's men who love themselves, you know, I think so, Like, yeah, because then because they love themselves so much, they don't need to they don't feel they need to like be in a more populated place.
I also realized I kind of don't really need an intelligent person.
I love that. Give me a dumb fuck. I've dated a dumb people. It's not bad. I don't know, like, uh, it's fun. It depends what's going on in your life, Like this is fucked up. Right after my dad died, I was dating like not a dumb part, but just it was he was not dumb, but he's not like the level of intelligence that I'm used to, and it was kind of refreshing. I didn't have to have like these like high level political talks that made me pissed off before I went to bed every night. Yeah, just like watch cartoons and shit. And I was like, oh, this lovely cartoons. Yeah, like I don't need to. I mean, I have my own intelligent thoughts in my own brain. I don't also need to be hit with them from someone else. Like yeah, before I'm resting my eyes, I don't need to hear about how a man got kidnapped or something. You know, and that's what would happen in my relationship where I felt intellectually met. It was also wildly frustrating, right.
I mean, no, thank you, like hard pass on your.
Opinions just right, Wait, so what do your extra man opinions? You're right?
What the why I'm seeing is incredibly bright, like borderline like savant, and it drives me fucking crazy. I don't know if it's good for me, because it activates me in a way that like I've never been activated, and I'm just straight up like pissed a lot.
But that's good. So somebody kind of showing them it has to be a mirror of some kind.
Towards He's definitely a mirror. But to get into any kind of even small like inconsequential argument is so exhausting for me because he's bright enough to run marathons around me.
He doesn't let anything slide or he'll like put the holes in your arm.
And he's just so astute, so like he's able to he's just like an observer. He's just so his brain is wide open, and I'm just like you need to just like get like yeah, like and he does.
Wow.
So imagine if he didn't. And I just wish that like he'd fall and hit his head just a little bit in the right part to just kind of knock.
I disagree, I I disagree. I think that that is great. And even though you're saying you don't like it, and I'm telling you that you're wrong, but wouldn't you be bored if.
I want boredom therapy? I went to this Bobby went to this place. It was like a one week intensive therapy place, and I joined in on the family session, and this amazing therapist named Doug was like, healing is in the boredom. And so when you say bored I'm like, give it to me.
Give it to me.
Because I grew up in a very traumatic household, always high intensity, Like I'm very familiar with chaos, so I or creating dom and like boring, Like give me like a house husband who's just going to just high.
Technically the most boring, uh then would be no boyfriend, because I don't think that's no boyfriend is not boring at all. It's constant chaos. Oh really, I sit around bored when I don't have a boyfriend. That's when I'm gonna get my ins myself in the most trouble possible consistently. Like, I mean, my therapy sessions are just like every week when I when I when I'm single, I'm giving it Like it's like I lived a whole life over now a week or two weeks. I mean, my therapist must be thoroughly entertained. Yeah, I'll come I'll come back after two weeks. And I've been through two full relationships. Yeah, I mean, it's it's wild. Yeah, I'm no, I'm kind of like I was actually thinking about this yesterday. I was like, part of the reason I'm I'm into getting in a relationship right now is because I spent so much time like with family stuff over the past couple of years, because of all the death, Like I just for the sake of time, I need to be in a relationship so I don't keep getting myself into these wild things that I get myself into because it will save time. I'm like wasting time getting myself into these antics if I want to have sex, you know, so I think it's like, yeah, it's no. I'm I love being in a relationship and bored out of my mind right now, right now, that's I think that'll be great for my career. I never had a boring relationship. Relationships to me are inherently boring. Really, I think it's so fucking fun because I'm like, what adventure can we go on? Or like, what let's give up something you know and see who could do it longer? Well, yeah, I think the same, what can I give up? But it's like a part of my personality or something I want I have in life goal you know. So that's the like matarettes, booze, yeah, drugs, Yeah, I don't do well. Can you carve about boring times in your daily life, like or like you know, once a week just to sit meditation.
Is Oh, I think I'm I'm an extremely boring person really yeah, yeah, yeah, Like I really embrace being boring, Like I have a very very kind of like borderline hermit kind of lifestyle.
I just think it's because of the chaos that you were up in. Yeah, what kind of chaos were talking?
A lot of diddling, a lot of the station, Yeah, a lot of sexual abuse, a lot of physical abuse, a lot of verbal abuse, a lot of just like you know, like just being pushed to my limit as a child. I remember I was just telling somebody this. I think as early as the age of four, I was like, something's not right, not around me, but inside me. I was so young that I had been like affected by my external environment.
Did you suppress the memory of the molestation until later or did you always know that it was happening.
I knew it was happening when it was happening, Like I woke up in the middle of the night with my like my underwear like wrapped around my knees. I saw like an older family member run into the bathroom and then like leave the house. And then I alerted.
I started crying.
I alerted my mom, and everyone was like, let's keep this down, like, let's.
Not tell your dad.
My dad wasn't allowed to know, and we were never allowed to.
Talk about so it was your problem, your secrets to keep.
Yeah it was eight Jesus Christ, you know so, and never to be spoken about again. No one asked me like, hey, what happened?
Oh, that's so so it's one of those traumatizing what ever happened to a human being is as a child getting molested by like somebody you're supposed to trust, and it's always somebody who pretends that you can trust them. Yeah, family member, a pastor or whatever the fuck it is.
But then I talked to Mike because we lived in a multi family household a lot of my like my cousins and stuff, which has its perks, but also it's downside because you have a lot of older men around their house, and it turns out we all got fuck man, and none of us were allowed to say anything because it's like the women in my family also got hurt similarly, and everyone is just like just carry on, grin and bear and just just move on.
When were you finally able to deal with it? Deal with it, like feel the feelings and like have a cathartic release, because that's so much energy that gets stuck in a child. Yeah I was.
I was a mess of a teenager, Yeah, absolute mess. But I started therapy at fifteen.
Okay, thankfully, good? Yeah good.
But then my second diddling was in America, a place I thought was the same moving from the Philippines.
I was like.
America, Like, that's where my mom can no longer beat my ass because I think they have people that protect children there. Oh you know, there are gonna be all these like sweet Valley high schools and all these big dreams. And I every adult in my teenage years like moving as an immigrant here like let me down, including my family doctor into these like tests like he would I would go in for like because I was an athlete, so I would go in for like a bum shoulder. And he did the same thing to my sister, and he would always do a pelvic exam, Oh my god, and he would do things like you know, like touch the viscosity. No, he would pull out my discharge, Oh my god. And he would say things like look how healthy you are?
Whoa.
And then my sister he did anally, so she got the worst end of it. He never did that to me. And then over the pandemic, we looked him up and obviously he lost his license.
Because he did far did he get arrested.
He didn't get arrested, but he lost license. He did try to change his name and practice somebody else sistic.
Fuck, that's I can't believe all he did was lose his license, quite honestly, I mean, that's an American story right there. He's on behalf of us. That's too valley high. But rapist still go to jail. That's their American dream. So you and your sister had both two moments where you found out, oh he was doing that to Utah. Oh my good god. How is healing like? I imagine it comes in waves, right, But like, what has the healing been like from that?
I don't know. I've been really lucky in terms of just like I'm able to feel sexually liberated today. It took a while to get here, and I feel lucky that at thirty eight, I'm like, okay, like I can actually have fun, not attach anything to like you know, when I'm with a man or with the way I None of that affects my sex life today, but it did a lot when I was younger. I was very reckless with sex. I was hyper sexual. I would just like want to suck dick for any kind of like attent.
It just the work.
It's because you also like you're subconscious, is like all right, something happened to me. That was out of my control. That was evil and awful. So let me be in control sexually. I imagine there's like some type of feeling elements you're subconscious with that. Yeah, suck in all these I was the high school face queen, Like I face queen. I haven't even heard that. That's what they called me. Not because in my face, it's better than BJ queen. I think Facebook, Yeah, it's nicer, better than Big D's McGee. At least you're looking at your face. I had two psych exe me. I was molested separately two years apart, and I was like, huh okay, so I did hypno therapy and and there's two instances. But I still couldn't take everything with a grain of salt and I couldn't tell I got into a Kashak Records reading. Was the second person who told me about the male station. I was like, two for two, okay, I look into it, and you didn't bring it up like you didn't. You just went and cold. You didn't say like I'm inquiring about a molestation.
Not at all.
She brought and I purpose did that because I'm like, if this comes up again, because it first came up with a with a with a medical medium. She's like, there's energy in your left hip that's stuck that stems from a violation when you were a child on your father's side. And I was like, that means and I got because I'm so comfortable talking about molestation on guys, we thought because so many people were molested, it's crazy. So I'm like, was you're talking about molesting? That's what you're referring to? Is that what happened? She goes, it wasn't right. What happened. I don't know that there was penetration, but it wasn't right. And I was like, okay, okay, I'm gonna have to look and I nothing came up. I have no memory of it. So then I got an a Kashak records reading what's that? So that a Kashak records are I'm like, the Kashak records is a record of everything that's ever happened in the universe. So think of it as like this golden, endless library, and so a person who's trained to do it can go in and just like what memories does this person need to know that will better them, like for their own betterment, Because it's always that and she described to me three instances. Once I was a baby, the other one I was six, and another one she said with the possibly with like a teacher of some kind, and I was in love with this teacher. So I was like, I would have remembered if that happened, because that would have been the best day of my life at that point, even though I was wrong. But yeah, And so I did the hypnotherapy and we the two first two memories I was told about from the Kashak Records woman came up. I saw it. The one was just jerking off next to me, but I was a baby, and then the second one was a guy I remember. I'm like, oh, I'm She basically go, okay, now you're in the elevator and we're gonna take you to the next memory that you need to to you need to think about. You're there, go where are you? I'm like, ugh, And I was in this house and this guy propped me up on the counter and touch There was touching, but I was like, oh, this is interesting. I'm seeing myself as six, but I'm also watching myself as a six year old watching this happen. She goes, that's perfect. You're dissociating. You don't have to have some big emotional release for this. I'm like, that's great. So yeah, I was, but I I mean, I kind of like regurgitated his memories very quickly. But I still am like, I don't know. I guess it had there's no proof, but it did help. I felt like a lot lighter after the hypnotherapy.
Do you feel like because a lot of the times I feel like we hear about similar to this where people they didn't know that it happened and then it hits them later, but you very much know what happened, Like, do you feel like it's that's even really a thing where people can forget it?
And yeah, because we have a friend in common that this has happened too, And he did not know until he was thirty and through hypnotherapy and through like a and he basically was able to remember a time where a family friend was inappropriate with him.
So why is it that you know yours.
Was a consistent or persistent Rather, it was consistent. I mean, I'm sorry it happened multiple times. Yeah, most of the time. The time I don't remember fully are when because he always did it when I was asleep but I have memories or like dreams, memories of dreams I've had where I was being fully like touched, but then I was such in a deep like slumber.
I think it was happening multaneously happening.
Yeah, but I only really woke up, like very lividly, like woke up one time. So he might have done it multiple times to me and I just didn't remember.
Yeah, because of child's brain is pretty brilliant, and that if there's something happens that the kid can't handle and the emotions are too intense, they'll just black it out.
Yeah, in the same way like have you you've heard of like stone babies where it's like if a baby is forming in a woman's body, but something happens, so like the baby dies and then the body does a calcification and it just can protect so you don't go septic. Yes, so it doesn't you know, enter your blood, doesn't rot and then enter your blood and kill you. It calcified. It almost forms this barrier. And the same way that scar tissue does when you have like fake boobs, like you like those videos when the car.
When the scar forms around the implants. Yeah, don't bring up my boob video appreciation.
Did I am curious, does that affects your sleep? Because it was a sleep associated Yeah.
So recently I used to attribute my I used to call them episodes, and I thought it was just my heart because I had a procedure done on my heart like six years ago to fix like a poor electrical connectivity. And these episodes. I would wake up in the middle of the night sweating, I couldn't breathe, and then my heart would raise to like two hundred beats a minute. And I was like, Oh, it's just a heart condition. But no one in my family has this heart condition. There's no And then I figured out that. And then for like two years, I was so afraid to fall asleep.
Oh, and I because I'm gonna go into palpitations. But really, it's like you're getting traumas retriggered, triggered.
And I would only sleep when the sun would go up. I felt safe. I couldn't leave the house. For a couple of years, I would like have these huge panic attacks at Gelson's on the fruit aisle. I'd be like, what the fuck is happening?
Damn?
And I figured out now because I switch therapists after that, that they basically suggested that, hey, like this could be maybe tied to that.
Yeah, and that's crazy.
It's crazy how like everything most physical things are just like because something bad happened to you.
Body keeps the score. Yeah, it really keeps the score. Your body remembers things. Your body will make you leave a relationship before your heart wants to leave a relationship. Like, your body will do things like I always have my spidy senses very very rarely, but like sometimes if somebody is behind me walking behind me down the street, I'll know I'll just get like this feeling in my stomach. I'm like, dag, I gotta get away from this guy. Because it's like, your body really is incredible with its radar.
Have you read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
No, but I've had that book recommended to me before.
He talks about how like a woman will be in an elevator and a man will be trying to get in, and the woman will be afraid of that man. But like, because we're so trained to be polite that we would rather like hold the door let them in, be stuck in a metal box with this man than be rude and let the door close.
Yeah, there's statistics about like when women are attacked like that, they they are they felt like they should it should have gotten away from that person, like I'm talking like street attacks, and because of the politeness, like they didn't want to be perceived as impolite or anything like that, so they went against their own instincts and then it of course leads to their detriment.
Yeah, anyways, just thought i'd throw that out there.
Yeah, they're absolutely right. Yeah, of course, Well, what's you want to do? Another card?
Go ahead?
We got some Nope, uh, nope, it's all childhood when she's pulling. Who knows most about you?
For me, it's it's definitely my parents, or Dave, it's probably my parents.
So wait, can I ask how you feel like? So you you consistently talk in front of your parents about how you feel like you didn't like get your needs met as a child, but you still freedom to share with them, Like what, so, how how is that is it mended now?
The relationship they're pushing back right, Yeah, they don't they.
Have a rebuttal Oh yeah.
What my dad heard me talk about it on our podcast. He called me. He said that now because I said that he thinks that Calila and Andy made up all their molestations. She doesn't believe anything on our show anymore.
Oh, because that couldn't possibly be true that I get Yeah, wastedday.
They yeah, they just they don't agree. And but I would say we have a good adult relationship, Like it's a very safe space for me to be very honest and open with them.
And you know, like, wow, that's a really that's a cool freedom that you can be honest about that and they like respectfully disagree, but you could still have this closeness.
Yeah, it's probably because I have money. Oh really, it's probably because I have control over No. I mean, like my mom be like, can I have ugs? Like that's probably why?
Oh are you serious? Wow?
Maybe a little, that's but I don't know, maybe not. Yeah, I'm buying their love back.
Yeah I did that.
Parents.
I really can relate to that, and I don't think it's to my detriment. Really same, I feel like, all right, well, you know I have a slightly more advantage than I used to do. And really, like even my mom, it's like I have to meet her where she is, Like I cannot sit there and wait for this person to change to men to like it's just.
Yes, I think that's a good realization as an adult. Oh, it's going to your parents where they're at. That's great. Yeah, yeah, it's hard to not hold onto the bitterness if they never met you where you're at.
Correct, But I don't think I need that as much anymore. And meeting her where she's at does involve some kind of financial security, so if it.
Helps, it helps.
Yeah. I certainly bought my parents love. I bought the house. I bought them half a house. But that, as my dad told me, you've never done anything I can be openly proud of. As he's sitting in the home that I I'm like, fuck, do you see the irony? Well? I also think like our parents can never meet us where we're at, because if things are working correctly, you will go beyond a point that they can ever reach. And that's how we societally should work, because we progress with all the every decade, with every generation, we hopefully progress emotionally and intellectually. And it's like, yeah, you're you're coming from two different universes. Yeah, every generation should be doing better if things are working out. I mean, obviously it doesn't always work out that way. But yeah, in an ideal situation, who knows the most about you?
Is it? Take it? I'm gonna take a guess, is it Bobby?
No?
Really? Wow?
Hard No, that's a hard No.
He doesn't even know my birthday?
That's crazy. How long were you together? Year?
Right?
A decade?
A decade?
He just you friend forgets my birthday again?
Meeting someone where they're at Sure, but see.
When does that turn into enabling or I guess, I guess if it doesn't upset you, then it's it.
Can't upset me because he doesn't know his mother's birthday. I know his mother's birthday. He doesn't know you know, mother's like Korean name, you know what I mean? Like again, he's somebody who really struggles with ADHD. He was he wasn't medicated for a really long time, so things just like slip out of his brain I quickly. He can't hold on to things you even want if even if he wants to, I know, I would say, I know you know the most the most about him more than anybody.
That's okay, then interesting.
It would probably have to be like my sister. My sister is my absolute soulmate. I don't think I have to find a soul maate, like the pressure is off to find a soul mad for me in your Family's just my sister. We had to She's my war comrade in the trenches. Yeah, a year apart, whatever I saw, she saw whatever, you know, fingers made their way up me. They made up you know, their way up her like loving almost like yeah, yeah, and she there is nothing in the I could just go to her and there's just zero judgment. She it's always loved like pure, pure, pure, untainted like.
Love and respect. My god, you did find a soul mad ma and it's your sister. That's like the best. It's because if it's a romantic partner, like so many things. I mean, anybody could die at any minute, but like when it's a romantic partner, it's not like forever you could say, and you can get married, but the divorce rates and stuff like, it's not doesn't feels solid as when it's like a family member like that, that's really beautiful.
And she can't go anywhere, she cannot escape the sisterhood.
Yeah, yeah, well you have.
Bound sister, is what I will be looking for for my whole life and everyone I meet.
Yeah, well, I've never I don't have a sister, but I do like it. I have a lot of friends with sisters, and I have never seen two people fight to such an extreme the way I've seen sisters fight. WHOA Like, it doesn't sound like you and your sister have that dynamic, but like the sisters that I know, like they will annihilate each other verbally and then be like fine the next day.
I'm like, wow, Yeah, when I see two sisters fight, I'm never worried. I'm like, oh, that's just probably like three of the ten they'll have this week. Well, my sister and I like, my mom did this thing. I don't know if it's just like her thing or if it's a Filipino thing, but she kept my sister's umbilical cord kept mine, and then she made them and made it into like one giant meatball and she still has it preserved.
Wow.
Interested she was like they're going to be in some whatever witchy ship she was doing. She was like, these two girls, I don't know, maybe it sounds pretty witchy to turn to umbilo meatballo And she was like, they're going to be close and they're going to have each other for the rest of their lives and it works. So I'm pretty disgusting. I still see it, like I have a picture of it. I'm like, oh my.
God, I'm like, you get the umbilical cords of men.
I know.
Who knows most about you? My ex James for sure. Oh wow.
What was it like having an ex that knows that much about you?
I did not, and well well understood. So we have so much dirt on each other that it's just like we just we've just we've just silently agreed to not use it against each other at this point. That's nice. I mean we don't. I haven't spoken to him in years, but that's my assumption, James, right wherever you are, wherever you are, yeah, yeah, yea yeah yeah. So I mean obviously that was like not a great breakup, but that makes its thing.
Can it be like can you just be that intimately like what I say, like knowledgeable about another person? And how can that end? So badly? Like I cannot.
I don't see how it can end any way, but badly honest maybe, yeah, because you know so much about it, so like the yeah, I mean it's like, uh, oh god. I mean, like he probably is like a us a soule me, but it's often that you don't end up forever with your soul. Ma.
That's kind of like a twin flame thing. Yeah you either you sometimes you just cannot because it's constant mirror to you.
Yes, and it's too much.
Yeah.
No, it was like it was the only person I've ever dated that that was dating myself, like dating myself. So it was like great, but it was also like extremely agitating because you're seeing all You're seeing all your great qualities, but you're seeing all your bad qualities, like being the most stubborn person on the planet, you know, et cetera. So yeah, damn, it's weird. I mean, I don't I don't find feel like I don't I find I'm like I have a commonness in it. I don't feel like unsafe or anything. But I also don't like have any secrets that I'm unproud of. Really, So even if he released everything I ever told him into the world, I would feel okay with that. I would feel betrayed, but I would feel like I wouldn't be like, oh no, he's got something on me. Right, you stand by your decision. I have waywear on him. Nice, that's the best. That's how it's got to be upper hand. Baby, You're safe. I love this question because this reminds me of the of Kashak Records, because I was told to ask, like, what do you want to know about yourself? If a fortune teller could tell you one thing about your your future or yourself, I'm gonna change it. I'm gonna add that your future or yourself. What would you ask?
It's something my therapist has constantly told me. No, but am I the problem? Hah, you're Taylor Swift, of course, yeah, Like am I the problem?
That's a good one.
And and and you know, I've asked my therapist over and over again. I'm like, I need to know if I'm I need you to be as like blunt with me and this, and she's just like no, no, like truly, I don't think So.
Were you pissed when she said.
That, yeah, because it would be just give me so much, be like all right, it's me, like I gotta fix shit. But yeah, sometimes I want to know if like if there's something just inherently like wrong with me.
I don't know, there's anthing wrong with you. But I think like a good way to approach life is like going into every situation assuming you're you are the problem, but not in a self blame you way, just in like a that I have the power to change this for the better. Because like that's how I try to because I go, I mean, I'm just not I don't have the power to change anybody else. So now I try to look at situations that I'm in. It's like what can I personally do to make this a lighter load for me and the people involved?
Or like it's someone is making me mad, It's like what is it about me that is right? Why am I so mad about this? Yeah, something that I must see myself. Yeah, that's a hard lesson to swallow. But like I continuously I'm always like, all right, it's in here. I have the I can let go. I should be able to you know.
Yeah, no, I know, because there's something about like, you know, how therapist see us in our best light. But I also think it feels feeds a little bit into like this obsessive victim mentality that we have especially going on in America right now, And it's like it's not denying that, you know, we have all been the victim of something, but it's what you can't how that can help badge forever. It's just also just not gonna you're gonna Okay, there's not there's not like a lot of doing that. There's not a lot of activeness. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
You're almost like sort of paralyzed in your victimhood. Yeah, it's a bad place to be.
One thing I was talking about, I'm like, oh, let me ask you girls, how do you forgive someone? Like, how do you like if you someone hurt you and you go, logically, I can pinpoint why they are the way they are, it doesn't make it better. And I can like, like I find myself logically forgiving somebody and then I just get they fucking like a memory will pop up. I'm like, oh fuck you, And I'm like, wow, I really because I know forgiveness selfishly is like best for the person forgiving.
Is it's someone that is still a part of your life or someone you just have no contact with, Yeah, because it's it really is like two different things, right to like have to forgive someone you face regularly versus having to forgive someone like you know, like an ex boyfriend, like, for instance, like I don't need to forgive my ex Alex. I don't.
He just is.
Shitty, still shitty, don't care. I just you know what I mean, Like there's no.
Need or maybe forgiveness isn't necessary. Yes, for some reason, I have it stuck in my head that forgiveness is necessary for the person to heal, but maybe it's not for you to heal or for her to hear me for me. Well, I mean I think maybe have you tried just like accepting it instead of forgiving. I think those are two very related things. It's just like accepting that that's what happened, that's who she is. That's like who you were dealt as the card. That's the card you were dealt as your mom. Because I guess that's just how it is. It's just like we're just dealt these these cards, and you maybe it's like forgive the circumstances that you were dealt rather than the person.
Yeah, because it's the same thing like my mom beat my ass, right, my ex Alex beat my ass, but my mom I'm able, Like I want to forgive. There's a deep burning feeling that I have where I'm like I want to make things right. But the X is just like, oh who gives just.
Forgiving your mom give you peace? Right right? Yeah, that's what I'm trying to find. I have it, I have it, but yeah I'm like I don't or find something within like so it's like, okay, so yes, all these she did, all these terrible things, but also without her you wouldn't exist, true, So find a small thing to be grateful to her for and maybe that can help eat away or or or maybe that can just like help earn her a spot in your life. Yeah, that was certainly all sheron happening.
As someone I know nothing about the situation, but what's helped for me is looking at like, well, what were those person circumstances? What was done to them?
For sure?
Are like, you know, it's not just I'm always that. That's how I can find forgiveness if I if I'm able to is like, ugh, they had it bad too, and yeah I probably didn't want to be this way to me or you know whatever it is.
Yeah, I'm I'm I've definitely looked into that, but I'm stuck on this. Did you do it on purpose or did you not? I can't tell because a mental illness. A lot of times is used as a craw mentally ill. I don't know what I'm doing. Nah, I feel like you did though I don't know. But if you so, you like who you are now? Right? I love? Okay? So then thinking kind of in a wo woo way to be who you exactly, who you are now, everything that happens you up until this point exactly how to happen in putting your mom treating you the way that you did, the way that she did, and that made you who you are who you love now. So it's like the gift that she gave you is this wonderful ver of yourself that you now have that's beautiful. Look at me is the only thing I'm good at. Giving advice is literally my only talent. Kind of shift. Oh, I love that you. Thanks girl. No, if only I could, I don't know, implement any of this in my own life, we'd be doing great. Guys, this has been fun. Thank you so much for being on the show and giving great advice and and opening up. Where can we find you online? What do you want to promote? You?
Guys should check out trash Tuesday and obviously the episode that you guys were on, which is awesome. It's on YouTube and we would love to have you guys back.
That was a big Santa episode. That's that's what I remember from that.
We talked about Yeah, talking about Santa.
We did.
Yes, well Santa Daddy, how about you?
And you can find me Calamity K. And also I have another podcast, uh Tiger Belly so many teas. Yeah, I do with my lovely ex who you've had on this show. Yeah, yeah, incredible that you can do that.
I love that.
Yeah, so healthy, it's it's better than it's ever been.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Honestly, dare I say I love him? I've never loved him more. Whoa And I think vice versa for him, Like he comes over the house and we have dinners.
Hang out, We just hang out.
We talked every day. There's never been more. I love yous. There's never been more sweetness, There's never been more just was there a.
Break after you broke up? Was there ever a no talking period between you two? Impossible?
Wow?
So you's like brothers sister kind of like like but thatie, but I think we crossed over into the brother sister probably three quarters of the way in our relationship.
So it was it wasn't like it, but we didn't break up overnight. It was like a very slow burn of a breakup. Lots of consideration, lots of therapy, lots of like just general understanding for who who the other is. And I think that because it was slow, there was really a lot of bad feelings between us. There's all hurt and crying, and especially for me, when he started dating other people, it was like, oh, I can't handle this. I know you got you had to field a lot of text messages for me. I'm like, is it normal that I'm hurting?
It looks like she just put her face in like the carcass of a lot.
Of you know, I know that that. Yeah, that was crazy. I'm finding myself wanting to ask a question I know I shouldn't ask. Is there any chance you guys would get.
Back to Oh my god, that's I don't know. Shy Barbara walters over there and so well he we talked about this last week again because we're able to talk about everything, and.
The question was like, did we make a mistake because he's gone out there, he's seen things and he's not liking it. And but also I don't want to be the thing he comes back to because he didn't like what he saw out there. I also really want to feel romanced, so if he can buck up and be a romantic partner, which he could not be for a very long time, Like I want to be romance. I want to be you know, I want to feel the feels. So but we did ask each other that, like, you know, because eventually.
Stop it as like a five year old boy on Christmas.
I know this is so bad of me. I'm so I'm being toxic.
Now that you're not being toxic. I think it's a very fair question. I would love to take more time for myself. Yeah, and maybe because like long term relationships eventually just become like deep friendships anyways. Yeah right, yeah, so partnerships. Yeah, and that we have down to a science. Yeah, it's just the romantic stuff stopped. And I wanted that.
Yeah, I wanted to be a price I want to pay.
I'll have my way in here. And you know how much I love Bobby he is. I love him so much, but I just think that he needs you.
But that's not good.
But that's not it's not That's just the one thing that I want to say.
Thank you, right, yeah, And I think he's probably realizing that. But I think also like a lot of times when you're especial when coming out of a long term relationship, like and you try to go out into the field, like immediately you panic because no one feels as comfortable as that person you're with for a long time. But it's like you have to get past that and then build that with somebody else. I was like recently trying to explain this to someone, but I'm like, you're just going to have to live that for yourself. But I already know this to be true, you know. And it's like I'm not saying people get back together all the time, but also like people don't want to spend people don't want to feel any moment of discomfort, so they immediately go back to what they feel comfortable with. But then I really would then go after a couple months, aren't you just going to go back to the same habits that you had already fallen into that got you out of the relationship in the first place.
And I don't think being someone romantic partner is the end all be all of like the higher key of like partnerships I think that we're entering the best versions of our relationship. It sounds like it, Yeah, it does sound and I've never been Yeah, we're just really tight, tight, tighter than ever been. And I'm just like, well, I'll take this.
Yeah, because when.
We were in a relationship, there was just so much resentment because is awful. Yeah, and I'm just like, but then we were able to let that all go, like as soon as we were like okay, like we're done.
Yeah wow.
And when we broke up, we I cried. I cried so fucking hard. And then we both went to the Korean Spa right after together together and we're like, okay, what do we do now. I'm like, we want to go to spot. Okay, let's go to the spa.
And yeah, it was just that I just exist.
I wish it was more. Maybe I would have I don't know if I could have benefited from like glass breaking or something more of like a chaotic breakup, but this was as nice as it could.
Okay, you don't have to set the house on fire and never break up, right, you could just break up.
And I hate the term like unconn or whatever.
Conscious coupling.
Yeah, I almost said unconscious coupling, which would mean me and Bobby getting back together.
Yea, yeah, but it's kind of what he did in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks.
He's a sweet guy, he's a good guy. He's he's uh uh what was that Tasmanian devil? He's he's he's just all over the place. He moves really fast, speaks really fast, but like the goodness is deep in him. Oh and I love Bobby beautiful.
I love him too.
I love him too. I don't know well enough to love him, but I like him. But you know, all right, this has been Guys, We Fucked, the anti select shaming podcast. We will talk to you next Friday. Thanks, Guys, We Fucked is presented by Luminary, Created and hosted by Karin Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music coordination by Mike Coscarell. Theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Cozen. Suck my wet ass pussy. Christina sayds to cut that before, but now it's in there. Yeah, let's keep it. Who cares?
You're the only one in the room causing this eas.
Mm hmmm.
Veil's been joy but I don't want to see.
Being lying before was safer to me. Now I don't want to go outside.
The great divide.
Felt so wide.
You want me to.
Go back to where I came from, but I'm already.
My as tell the truth. I'm not like.
You, but I'm from here to.
Mama just wanted to accam and Daddy wasn't there.
My