Welcome to Guys We Fucked Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina. I'm sorry about last night anti slut shaming podcast. I never stopped. What up? Fucker's Welcome to another episode of Guys We Fun It's the anti slot shaming podcast. I'm Karen. I'm Christina. What's up? Oh man, I sound like a sick person. Uh. This week's episode is bronts you once again by Take My Wife on c SO. It's exclusively available on c SO, which is s E E s O dot com. It's ad free streaming comedy with new originals, classics, late night and stand up specials. Take My Wife as a new show about careers, couples, comedy, and motorcycle jackets. It starts real life comedians and real life wives Cameron s Posito Andria Butcher. Go to c SO dot com and use promo code take my Wife and get two months free. I've worked with both those comedians. They're very nice, support their work. I've worked with them. That's cool. Yeah, they're both cool. They're so cool, cool people and funny. Is it? Yes? What's going on in your life? Um? I almost forgot. It was a groundbreaking week and for me, I did have dinner with James's parents. Are you okay? You're Oh my god, I know, I'm very proud of myself. I'm proud of you too. Yeah, because no one really seems to understand that this is that like why it's such a big deal for me? But I mean, I'm thirty years old. I've never I've refused to meet anyone's parents ever, Like, and why is that hidden in places in people's homes? Behind things? Absolutely rely iculous? Is it ridiculous? I mean everyone, I think a lot of things that people write to us are ridiculous that are easy for me, right, Well, that, yeah, this is just my Why why is I feel like I'm not allowed to have a thing and this is my thing? Because is uh, it's it's like I feel like it's like you have to that's like a person or people that you have to impress, and I have no interest in impressing people, and then it actually makes me want to unimpressed them, right, So that's not good. And I just know that I get that, and I don't want to be in a put it in a situation where I have to be disrespectful towards someone's parents because no matter, because you're gonna say what you think anyway. Like if I don't like them more, if they say something rude to me, I'm gonna have to say something back. And then that's just it's it's just a messing. I don't want to be involved that. That's completely understandable. What uh did James give you a heads up? I'm like, hey, this is what you need to know, just so you knew what you were up against. Or well, I mean, his parents are are divorced, so this was I was meeting the dad. I haven't met his biological mom yet. This was his step mom and his dad, but who has been a part of his life for a long time. I cheated because I had met her before, only because she had come, uh to see me perform in Ohio, which I guess I kind of knew, but I don't know just stepmom did. Wasn't. Step mom is not as nerve wracking for me as biological mom, right because the mom of a son and my mom is like this, it's just a little it's just a little bit different. Um, So, how did it go? Well? Number one, I didn't really have He just was like, oh, it was his birthday, and so he was like, I had a whole birthday trip plan for him. And then after that, he was like, when are we to be done, because we're gonna have dinner with my parents and I was like, um, come again, I'm sorry, sorry, what by the way, we're gonna get dinner with that? But I was like, I'm sorry. I must have misheard you because I feel like you just told me that we are going to and you didn't ask me if that was okay, And he was like, get asked, and he was like but also, and so it was like that, and I was like, you know, this is a huge deal. Like I think he forgot because it's a weird thing to be weird about, but it's not. No, it's a big deal. I met Steven's parents way too early. And when he told me we were going to his house, I'm like, yeah for me, and I don't mind meeting parents at all, but I was like, this is too soon, right. I feel like historically men are more nervous about meeting parents than women are, like men are like you know, on sitcoms, men are always the ones who are like trying not to meet the parents, getting too serious tonight ship, Yeah, yeah, you're right. It's not like about be getting serious for me because I don't. I think a lot of other people like need blessings from their parents, which is weird, and like I'm the same way like James. James was like, well, he's like, I don't give a ship if they like you or not. And I was like, of course you don't, because you're exactly like me. And I don't give a ship of my parents. Like I respect my parents and stuff, but at the end of the day, if they don't like my boyfriend, tough ship, tough ship and they know that, like they that's that's open. And you know, my parents they know they know when to say stuff and what not too, Like they're not gonna they're not going to give an opinion on someone, as my mom said, unless she thought I was actually physically or emotionally in danger. Yeah, your parents have healthy boundaries. Yeah they're fine. And now I was like I was, I'm always like, no one should ever be nervous to meet My parents. Are gonna be super nice to you. Yeah, and it's gonna be easy, and they're gonna get you and they're gonna pay for your dinner and you don't have a great time. Friendly's crispy chicken salad. Man forget, Everything's gonna be great. Um. But yeah, so we went to I well, I picked out he wanted to go to a Habaschi restaurant. So I picked out a Habaschi restaurant. And it was fine because I was also a little nervous because like, his family is religious, and then so that also makes me nervous. Do they know about the podcast? Um? Well, I think they think that I'm like famous or something. So which in this in this case, are you were in vogue? I don't know if he's all that lan In this case, it was helpful. It's I think it's it makes one helpful because at least, like I'm you know, parents always want their kids to be someone with someone who's doing well. Yeah. I mean if I started a homeless birdson of my mom would be like stop. His dad googled me and apparently like yeah and apparently like my jokes. Well, the step mom definitely knows and she's cool as ship anyway, So I love when religious people are cool. Yeah, Stephen's parents are, I don't know how religious they are. They go to church and stuff, and I don't know. Maybe it's because it's so often I meet religious people that are like their butt holes tightened up the second like abreast is half exposed. I don't. Oh yeah, I know they're cool and they like and they actually live the life that I would hope religious people do. It's like they go to like Liberia and help people. Oh dope. Yeah, So I was like, oh that's good. Oh they're they're like fully, You're like, you're like living the religious like you know, you're like living you're doing as Jesus did and not as he didn't say a do. Yeah, so that not made me happy. It was fine, and I and I did and I feel like I did a good job of like talk, talking and come out of my mouth. I figured you'd be good at that, so that was good. I'm surprisingly not good at that. A lot I think you are. You're just in. You're an introvert, so people like when people meet you after shows and stuff, you don't I mean, you're pretty talkative, but when you're not, it's because you don't want to talk and people are like, oh well, I also don't like small talk. So but we were able to talk about real stuff. That's nice. So I love I love meeting people's parents because it just it gives me so much insight to them as a like me and your parents gave me so much more insight. I feel like I know you better. Well. I really like meeting my friend's parents because it helps me in the friendship and understanding them. But then sometimes with in relationships, it makes me like I feel like that's like my only shot. Have you ever dated a guy, Well, you've you've never met anybody's parents, then no, I didn't. That is a big I didn't and I and I really didn't want to meet Frank's mom, not because she seemed lovely, but I didn't want to meet her because he thought so highly of her. And I knew that if she didn't like me, he would like me less no matter what he said. I I knew because he has that. Well, I've dated some guys and their moms. I'm like, are you you're gonna try to fund yourself? Are you going to marry him? Like, dude, I know, Well, Frank had engaged before and his mom had made this comment that heat me the mistake of telling me about off and he and he was like yeah, and she was like yeah, I knew you weren't happy. I could see it in your eyes in the photos you took together, and I was like, motherfucker, what the fuck that's so creepy. Ship, How can I meet your mom? After that? Yeah, I was like practicing. I like the way my pupils were pointing in the mirror, like, come on, get you out of town. You were I know, you look very happy those pictures I've seen boast of the Oh god, she just I don't know. Sometimes I've I've dated a guy once and his mom just hated me. I hated, but it was she hated anybody that dated her son. Nobody's good enough. You get nervous with women like moms and sisters because I do wreak of sexuality. So like I just thought you are You're very uh yeah you do. You just know that I'm DTF. So that's a problem. But we know you know that your DTF in the like a good way, meaning that you're not like humping the couch. You're just back. You have this in tune. You can suck me, not call me. Everything's got fun, I mean. And the sister sense is that, and that's why she wants to go out with you later. Yeah, you can suck me and not call me in. I won't kill myself. Yeah, no, it's not a big deal. Do we we fucking piece out fucking peace? Now we kind of come up with a name for that fucking dumb Oh oh well, um, hump them, dump them that can fly that I got from? Oh yeah, what is that song? The weez song? Whoever saying teenage dirt bag? I mean that's a real reference. But it's like Weezus or something something like that. It sounds it always sounds like weird that weasels. I think it's weirdness. It's something that sounds like Weezer but is not. But they're not nearly as popular as Weezer. Reminds me of one of my favorite words in middle school, and that was weenness. Yeah would it sounds like penis, So we would go around everybody like, stopped touching my weeness, rub our elbows against people and then yell at them for touching our I guess that was a joke that got around to all the grade schools because that was one. I think it's so munny. It's all my best jokes. That and like Lake titty Cock when that was talked about in That's a lake, Yeah, city Coca. Yeah, I mean there's just some school jokes that there's a school. There's a road in Virginia called Butts Road, like Butts Roadbuts Road. I am the stinky button, and then just laugh at ourselves for our brilliant islightful humor. Yeah, I mean missing a kid. Words are funny. So yeah, guys, get over us. We're in the business of that. What's new with you? I have sex earlier and it's been a while. Congratulations, I have sex. I feel like multiple times you've said it's been a while, though, So how long could the while have? Actually we been? Oh god, I don't even know, like a week, maybe probably more than that. I was sleeping, you know, he was sleeping. A lot of sleeping, was going on, a lot of like missed schedules. But he's doing this thing. Oh it's so hot. Maybe he's been doing it and I haven't really noticed it before. But I found myself I was laying down and he was on top, and I found myself like peering back a little almost like I was looking at a work of art, and I was like, does pretty nice? He does this thing? Where he like holds my life doing it even though you guys can only listen. He holds my legs like up and he's like this fucking this fucking like Sparta kiss and he has my he's like he's like it's like he's exited. It's like he's lifting out of the sea with a trident in hand. And I'm like, good god, that is one for the s Bank bank, my friend. I know, people are always lifting my legs and I was just like, is my pussy too loose? Because that's what I mean. That's what it's doing. It's tightening your it is. Yeah. Yeah, when you look, it's tighter. What I mean, see how we don't know ship it's a it's a that's a classic mad move. I mean, I liked. My favorite thing to do is when the man's on top, I like to wrap my legs around his neck. Yes, I have, and that's when I queaf and I queefed, Oh really, it's just that's comfortable for me, and oh I queaf. I didn't laugh. You'd be proud of me. Did Stephen laugh? No one? Did you acknowledge it? In my head to myself? Was it very loud or was it like it was multiple times and on the Quef scale. On the Quef scale, I would say it was more of a like okay, I feel like happy. I mean it's audible though, all so because you're not doing a lot of talking during the sex or no, I am doing a lot of talking. But I'm just like, I'm not going to address that because then I'm gonna take and that in the mid Oh, this is the other thing. So many things happened a couple of hours ago behind that wall, queefing the trident thing was really great. He took his dick all the way out and then went to put it back in and like punched me. Oh yeah, oh it hurt. It hurt, oh man, and part of it, you know, like sometimes I don't know if you do this, but I'll drop something and I'll say out but I didn't get hurt. Well, I when I dropped something, I covered my ears. I don't know, I've always done it, and I don't know why. Maybe you were killed in Japan ages ago and that was you. I think it's much something when I was a kid, like it's like I'm I'm I don't want to hear the crash of whatever I dropped breaking, but no matter what, it is such a metaphor. I can't stop it. I don't know how to stop it. Oh, I've never noticed you did that. I'll look out next time. Um. I it didn't hurt as much as I vocalized it hurt, but I was like, what's It's not good? And we had to stop and Stephen felt really bad. Um he punched me, didn't hurt his penis thought that seems like it also did Penis. I asked, and I was like are you Are you okay? And he's like, I'm okay, it's fine. And then we just kept going because man, that position was good on him. Speaking of that, come see us live you have good stuff, speaking of great things that you love, and go to Tonight. It's Friday, August, so at eleven thirty pm you can come to New York Comedy Club and watch Nacho Bitches. It's the last show of the summer. It's gonna be super fun, co hosted by myself and Blair Saki, and also we have Bonnie McFarlane on the show, so exciting. Tickets are just ten dollars with the code Nacho. And then the next day tomorrow Saturday, August, Wendy Starling and I bring our monthly show to Zinc Bar in the West Village called the Glamour Pus Doors at seven, show at seven thirty. Ticket link for that is in the link in the description to this podcast. It's twenty one and up. And then Toronto. Hey, buying tickets for just for laughs Toronto. There's two shows that are happening there Thursday and then Friday three. Um, actually there's three shows. Yeah, we ad it. Yeah, so that just got out of We have been telling everybody individual ticket the links. So I didn't know it's because we were not informed, but now we are. Thursday, the twenty September twenty two and nine is the live recording of the show. Individual tickets I think might be sold out for that. One Friday September twenty nine pm, we're doing the Guys Who Tour show. It's the experience that's actually passes only, which the information changed. And then at midnight on Friday September we're doing Guys the Experience, um, and you can get individual tickets to that, and we have actually a longer set time for that show and we're gonna get buck wild. Yeah. So if you can say I'm late, do that midnight when it's gonna be a really good time. It's gonna be fun. And then, oh my god, New Orleans. We're coming to you now, Lens. We're gonna be part of the Hell Yes Festival, which is Wednesday, October twelve. It's an all ages show. Doors open at seven pm, the shows at eight pm. UH tickets start at only five dollars. There's a live podcast recording, and it's gonna be super fun. We're really excited. I've never been to New Orleans? Have you me either? And I want to see so many ghosts. Yes, it's gonna be fun, and my brother is gonna be there. I'm so excited. So visit. Sorry about last night Comedy dot com slash contact and sign up for our mailing list by entering your email on the bottom left corner. That will keep you up to date with UH dates as our tour expands. Yeah. Man, I can't relieve it's almost going to be September. Where has the time gone? Oh? It's on my wrist. I was wondering what the uh guys. This episode of Guys We Fucked sponsored by Movement Watches. UH Karen is wearing a beautiful gold watch, and I got a watch for Stephen. They make men's and women's watches. I fucking love a dude with a hot watch. He looks so hot and he gets compliments on it all the time. And uh it just I love accessorizing, and I think these watches are really sharp looking movement watches. They have ton of interchangeable color schemes to match any outfit, any mood. Uh. They have genuine leather bands, three hand courts movement and stainless steel case movement delivers. I think it's just a movement, like an extra time whatever. They deliver classic watches for a price that's honestly a steal. They look like a five watch, but they started only a hundred and fifteen dollars. So to check them out and to get fifteen percent off your entire first purchase, go to m v M T Watches dot com slash g WF. That's m v M T Watches dot com slash GWF Movement Watches. It's about time. Oh that was good. Sorry, and then thank you also to our other sponsor, Casper Mattresses h Casper is an obsessively engineered mattress made in America at a shockingly fair price. I see people all around New York City having them because they're great because when they're delivered to you, they come in a box, so it's when you bring it into your house, it's not gonna like knock down your antique vase, uh with your mom. And it combines spring latex and supportive memory foams to create an award winning sleep surface with just the right sink and just the right bounce. Time magazine named it one of the best inventions of two thousand fifteen, and it's now the most awarded mattress of the decade. Both Christine and I own them. They're there, are good, it's a good mattress, and it's a really reasonably priced. I gotta say, have nothing bad to say about this mattress except for that my boyfriend s built some juice on it. Boys not Casker's problem though. Get free shipping and returns good good bringing it back to US and Canada. Try Casper for one hundred nights risk free in your own home. If you don't love the mattress, they'll pick it up and refund you all your money. You can get fifty dollars towards any mattress purchase by visiting www Dot Casper dot com, slash GWF and use the offer code g WF. Terms and conditions apply. Casper. Have your boyfriend's penis bunch you in the vagina, but then you bounce back because you're a casp of mattress, but just enough. Yeah, you bounced back, just just the right amount um. A lot of people were we have something really exciting coming up in September. In early September. We can give you some more details soon, but a lot of people have been like, you guys should do more than one episode a week. Or we have people like binge listed and then they get really sad and tweet us that they don't have any more episodes. Leave us alone, do your homework. We're the best on the road, todd Um, and we will be there. We're going to be introducing a monthly service shortly in early September where Kurin and I will be doing bonus episodes of Guys we fucked Um. They're gonna include a lot of things, some of them I don't know. If you guys follow us on social media, we do subject line Sunday where we just post subject lines of some of the emails that we've received, and a lot of them are really funny. We're gonna be reading those, we're gonna be talking to people, We're gonna be it's gonna be really exciting. To just keep a lookout for that sign up for email address. We'll be emailing you guys about it too, so just to have it in your mind. Christmass comments, So you got your fucking way? Are you happy now? Great? Uh? Now a lot of you. Last week we read the letter from the woman who stared at the stayed at the airbnb. You tweeted, the emailed a lot of you offered help, Thank you so much. I stalked her because I emailed her and then I didn't get a response. So I she has a very specific names for our friends to her on face, Well I don't you love me? But the thing was, I friended her on Facebook, but I didn't message her message her. I just like friended her like hey remember me? Answer me? Is that bit sho? I emailed you maybe email on her back, and then she did. But we spoke and she actually had been I don't even know how they found out her name, but Airbnb had already contacted her directly. I had a podcast or no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah they had because they tweeted us. A lot of people tweeted about it, and I Twitter is a great way to get the attention of celebrities and companies because they care. They don't want bad press around on the internet. That's you know, we see how bad press can affect people lives, so bad press can also affect companies organizations. It is powerful when you speak out intelligently about things. So Airbnb tweeted us back. I replied to them that it was regarding a sexual assault and yeah, they they already got ahead of me and contacted her directly. So that's being taken care of and hopefully that guy will no longer be an Airbnb host. They have a great customer service. I was really happy with that. And if there's anything else that we need you guys to do and let you know. But thank you so much for all your help and getting stuff done. Thanks for giving a ship, because that's what makes the world go around, and that's what restores my faith and humanities. Well yeah, it's only it's not only getting angry, but it's getting angry and then calling something mealing getting out there doing something active to to create social change. That's the important part. Speaking of social change. UM, I don't know if you guys how big you are into international news. I'm not specifically in super into international news or you know news and not my thing. But um. Earlier in August, a woman named Handache could dare and I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. I did watch a video to try and pronounce it correctly. Uh. She was murdered in Turkey and assemble. She's a twenty three year old transgender woman who was a well known LGBT activist. And this is an interesting story because her body was found earlier this month, um, and it was not in a good condition. She was raped and tortured by a gang of individuals and then her body was like found in a forest and assemble burned. Um. And that is horrible and it's it also said to me that we found out about this so much later in America, like it took a couple of like a week a week for this news to get here. The reason being, uh is because kudos to the young, especially the young people of Turkey. This is the first thing that actually got people like really really piste off about LGBT rights, and so people have been like kind of rioting, and that's great and that's how change is going to happen. Uh. Interestingly left, she was also a sex worker, and so as we talk about a lot of times as a sex worker, you're putting yourself in dangerous situations. Is a super dangerous occupation. But because of the way trans people are treated in Turkey, a lot of times sex work is their only option. Um. This article is really interesting, Like it says they won't give a trans person a job in Turkey, they won't even rent a home to a trans person in in Turkey. So you know, she was looking to get gender reassignment surgery, needed money to live. Sex work was the only thing, um, that she saw as a feasible way to make that money. Um. And you know she got in a day in your situation and was also a known activist and that's frowned upon. So she at twenty three was murdered. And there's some interesting statistics that I was reading about Turkey has a higher rate of transsexual murders than anywhere in Europe. And I think hate crimes and things like honor killings are still very prevalent there. So it's just important to you know, I think know that progress in a way is being made everywhere, but that we need to be really alert, like to these problems in other countries because you know, as usual, we have a pretty fucking good here. Uh, and you know, it's nice to live in a place where you can be who you want to be. But I mean, trans murders is still a problem in America. It's the new thing. It's the new thing that people don't understand. Um. So I think understanding and getting out and caring about issues, things like LGBT rights, things like Black Lives Matter, these are all important things because I think it's really especially up to young people to make that social change and to say, I don't care how you've been doing things for all this time, this is not the way things can go anymore. We need to change, and we're not going to shut the funk up until change is made, and I mean peacefully please. Um. But yeah, So I just wanted to kind of talk about that because I think it's important and just people are why. I don't get why people are afraid of things they don't understand or if it threatens their own sexuality in some way, which it doesn't, but they take it as that, like if a man is attracted to a trans woman in his head, amy, shut the funk who gives a ship? I don't know, maybe who knows, who cares? It doesn't matter because it makes them feel scared about themselves and and they're afraid that it might unlock something about themselves that they don't want to go. And that's so it enrages me to no end. I mean, I'm so fucking tired of arguing with dumb white people about the Black Lives Matter movement, Like you're fucking idiot if you don't get it there, do some research, go on the websites, go to sign up for the email address. They send out newsletters like read this ship. Well, if I have to fucking like read one more common of like Lives Matter, the cops getting no, they fucking didn't. Well, white people not out of the park this week because they had that Oh my god, they had the White Lives Matter Texas probattist white people. Listen to me, your lives were always treated from day one like they fucking mattered. Okay, so we don't need a White Lives Matter slogan hashtag that you're disgusting if you're using that, and please stop, please stop. You're better than that. I know you are, deep down. Yeah. So the thinking of the point is it's just just because you are not trans or you are not black, that doesn't these are so human beings and they just serve the same rights. I mean, it's it's it sounds almost hacked to say that people does of the same rights because it's like, oh, we learned about this, you know, like when in the Martin Luther King junior speech that everyone read when they were like in the fourth grade, but we still have to keep repeating it because for some reason it just hasn't gotten through to a lot of people. So just remember that. And I think it's really important to care about people who don't have the same actual abutes as you, because no matter if we're mad at each other, we all need each other's help. Like when when white people need help, black people need to help them. When black people need help, white people need to help them. No matter what kind of orientation you have, we need to help each other. Straight people help out trans people. Can't you women helping out yourselves? Because then no one listens. When everyone gets together and and says, hey, clink clink clink on the glass, this is an issue that needs attention, then that's when we really see progress. When we come together, we can speak intelligently about things and you and then look all of a sudden, that country is better. Yeah, and education is so key. I think education is the most wonderful tool with which to fight hate. And we are we're all pieces of ship, as we say almost every episode, and everyone's going through something and you don't know what that other person is going through, whether that has to deal with their sexuality or their race, or their gender or anything. So it's like we're all human beings and we all have more similar things than different things. And I wish people would just remember that more. Right, You certainly don't have to pander someone or like someone because they are trans or because they are black, But you cannot not like them solely based on that. You see how that works. Are there minorities who are pieces of ship? Are there women or pieces of ship? But yeah? But are they pieces of ship because they are a minority? Because they are because they're trans, No, so find another reason to dislike them? Yeah, like the personality. Yeah, God find a legit reason. Jesus horrible haircut. I don't know. The subject of this email is fat boy confidence in a hotty body. Hello. I'll try to make this short and concise. I need help. I'm thirty four years old. When I was a teenager, I had severe social anxiety. I had no friends at all in school. As I got older, I was severely depressed and struggled to function on a daily basis. Not long after, I gained a ton of weight two plus pounds and just generally felt like a shitty person. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly popular with the ladies. I went from one long term shitty relationship to another. In my mid twenties, things kind of clicked, and I went to school, got a degree, got in shape, and genuinely got my ship together. Met a girl, had a daughter, broke up with the girl, then had to take girl to court for joint custody. My daughter pretty much is the love of my life and has taught me so many things, including what it feels like to actually bond with another human, something that apparently I was lacking in my troubled childhood. So I've been working out and I'm now in shape. I started hitting the weights hard earlier this year, and I'm definitely noticing the difference and how women behave around me. In the past month, I've been holid at from three girls, from or from girls in in cars three times, been followed by girls, and have had even had girls try to pretend like they are using their phone but take pictures of me. Jesus Christ, why didn't you send us a pick? Ladies turn ladies, turn the volume down first, amateurs. I'm single and have absolutely no game. I know girls are interested in me, honestly. I know I'm a good catch, but I don't know how to portray that externally. If I'm on a date, I know I'm really fun charming and know how to amp up the sexual chemistry. The initial contact just completely baffles me. It makes it even harder because when I do talk to girls, I feel like they are either so nervous that they don't say anything even though even though they turn bright red and that makes me even more nervous, or they expect me to be a lot more smooth for my age. I got really high before I wrote this. I hope this all makes sense. What is the best way to approach a woman that I'm a actitude? And how do I get them to relax around me? Well, aren't you a goddamn johnny heartbreaker? I know. I love this email because I was like, how good looking are you? You must be really fucking hom send us a pick? How shame on you for not um. I like guys with no game. I like guy. I don't like guys who come up to me in a bar and like, try to be suave. This fucking you're obviously you're very attractive, and girls come up to you. Just talk to them, like, be funny. Humor is always key. Yeah, you seem like you could be pretty. This email is funny, Like I feel like you have a sense of humor. Yeah, you made us laugh. Yeah that was really funny. Yeah, And uh, how do I get them to act naturally and calm down? Don't tell them to calm down because then they'll fucking freak out. Yeah, I mean, I think it just takes give it, give it a second. I'm sure you've spoken to people who have that. There are some people who just have that amazing way of speaking to you that makes you feel like they're the only person in the room. Yeah, that's charm. Yeah, eye contact seem like you give a ship, ask questions that care, talk about them, not yourself. I mean in a couple of seconds. I mean, unless you're Brad Pitt, they're going to calm down. They'll calm down. Yeah. And I I've been in the presence of some gentlemen that I can't that are so attractive that I can't focus. Like it's really it's not a lot. But there's some of them out there for sure. But then if you just I think asking them about themselves is a great in and it's you know, when someone asked me about me, I'm like, oh, you like want and now that's crazy And then I go on and then there we go. We're already having a good time. Yeah. And you need and I think you're definitely gonna need to sift through there are going to be people who can't get past the fact that you're good looking, or who are only going to care about that and not really give a ship. Like women who don't care about your personality do exist. It's kind of a rarer breed than with men, but they definitely exist. Uh. And you'll you'll find someone who and then and then that girl probably probably gonna look out because she I'm I'm guessing she's probably not going to be as good looking as you. And then she's gonna look out only because someone like that is going to care more about personality totally. But you're gonna look out because then you're gonna have a really cool girlfriends. Yeah, and you're like you seem obviously you're really hot. You love your daughter that is so sexy. God, just I'll talk about she'll calm down about how good like your look start when she knows you have a kid. Anyway, I wouldn't. I would definitely get a guy with a kid. Yeah, No, I mean people will. It'd be fine, You'll be great, but just don't don't get like, don't mind funk yourself before it happens. Women can always say that. I think guys can tell too, I guess. But when a guy is nervous to talk to you, it's I know right away, it's cute. Yeah, it's like, I'm not the piece of ship, dude. It's funny. It's funny. It's nice, all right? You know who else is nice? Who else is nice? Our guest? Do we have anything else? To say no, no, we're good. Um, this week's episode is I want to interview this person for a long time and Grin you had told me that he listens to the podcast and I was like, sure, the fun guess we get into that man. Yeah, he's I'm wonderful. He's uh made several films, he's done several live shows that I know, both Christy and I have. One of the first things we did together a long time ago was we saw him my girlfriend's boyfriend run Yeah that show at upright six Bad and Nathan Lane was in the audience because when they were like friends, apparently he's so cool. Yeah, it was really cool. And we were in the front row because we used to be very nerdy and sit in the front row for everything because what if he spits are and then little super well yeah, sorry give it away, but we know from the title anyway, So excited, ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Mike bur big Leyah way down to walk bather sent y'all talking. It's a genius. I'll give a funk. I am alost a paraplegic ship you feel me? I feeling Yeah, I got no feeling. In my legs will tears the Papa wheel. Y'all, are you really seventeen? And nutu funders with their hands, I'll talk about a million young, But I don't take no hand doubts off air. You don't need to scratch my back. Got got into your my saucechair that's white. Everybody act like giving to the exact, like everybody's gonna be like everybody know what's gonna be individual and nest, like getting a flashlight to bass light, a black eye to half sight a bad guy to half nice, a traffic light to trash pikes and appetite the stack light and after like the flat fine a rat by the baptizes whoa and raging on the inn And that just means you gotta fake ego filled with the security he's killing you. When that's why I've implying on the lowe. But I don't really want to keep it on the low normal. So I'm gonna need all the y'all hands in the hand and got dancing that I decided't want to go on to all say ah, don't give an I don't give a funk like I've everlized from the waist down waiste down, waist down, waiste down. An, I don't give a fuck like I've never love. So you're sitting on my green Drift store chair. It's such an honor to have you here. Life is so strange, you never thought you could possibly be here. Well, yesterday I was on Charlie Rose Today among guys we find and life, Life is just so strange. But you guys know, I'm a fan of the show. I listened to a lot of episodes when Chris, Catherine and I were on tour because I introduced the podcast. I was like, hey, listen to this. Have you ever heard this before? I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. Oh it is, because I know I got a Facebook message about it, but I'm glad you're telling the story instead. Yeah, and then uh, and then he was like, I can't stop listening to that. Guys, We fun, the kids fun. It's a great podcast, And I think one of the reasons it's so good is that, in addition to being entertaining onto itself, it's a great conversation starter for uncomfortable topics that you're right. A lot of people have emailed us before saying I got I got late or I picked up somebody guy or girl because I talked about your podcast. That was just like an easy and to figure I'd like to talk about something. It's just an uncomfortable topic which will which we'll discover today when asking me about anything to do with sex esau, I'm not. I'm neither an expert nor a skilled professional. And uh but but I have had sex. I am married and have a child and uh yeah, so I you know, I can participate in the conversation, but uh but I will leave the real, the high level stuff to you. Guys. I don't know much how how much high level we can go. Know, you just did a free ad for the show at the top of the appreciate it. I can't even believe it because when we had a message Chris Gathered asking him to be on the podcast. He's a wonderful, huge fan. Then when he wrote me back saying that he was a fan of the show, I sheat sex in me and I was like, shut the we were losing our ship. And then I go, but wait, there's more. I guess how crypts Gathered found out about the podcast. And then I said, Mike, we're big lea and then we both fell off our chairs. It was crazy. I think that hooked me in was the title. Indeed, I can imagine your face upon scrolling through, and what's that like? Like that's at least worth listening to. Once braced on the title alone, and then you listen to, you're like, it's funny, it's unique. It's like it's like bold. I think it's a really bold podcast. Like your guys are willing to just talk about anything, and even if you if it's not your field of expertise, you're just like, this is what we're talking about. It if I were you, this is what I would do, you know what. And that's just being a young white woman just talking about stuff that you don't know about and having people be like, yeah, that's a great idea. This was a fun This was a fun circle jerk to start. Yeah, God, we're all great and we all love each other. Were so talented guys. It's a good apartment for it. Thank you, Ruby Red's thanks Yeah, match the Slaer poster um. So what what what were you like as a teenager? I imagine what was that like? Yeah, I was just a nerdy kid. I mean I was I was, you know, a good student. I al would say, like I was a good student because girls didn't like me. You got a lot of time on your get a lot of time in your hands, and you're like maybe you know, yeah, and did you get a sex talk from your parents like me? So I had a Catholic upbringing. Catholic upbringing is I think in a lot of cases no sex talk and and just if not a fear of sex, but uncomfortable nous with sex unless you're unless you're being assaulted by a priest, in which case you dive right in so comfortable, way too comfortable. But I didn't have that happen to me, though, I I you know, my joke is I was an altar boy as a kid, and the answers, no, I wasn't. I think it's because they knew I was a talker, which is it's a joke, but it's kind of not like I mean, when when I saw I know, when I saw a spotlight, it's literally the most I've ever cried in the movie. I had to stop because you knew, yeah, like a survivor, Like I was like, I know all those priests and type of priests and uh boo, yeah, I was spooked as a kid by some priests. But pooh, well I didn't look quite well. There'd be like things where it would be like father, you know, Patrick wants to take a bunch of Alder boys on a camping trip this weekend. And you know, my mom was actually very savvy and was just like, no doing that. And she's my mother's very Catholic, still goes to Catholic Mass every week, and and uh, fortunately for me, she was just also very street smart, so she kind of had it in her mind that something inappropriate it might happen on this camping Sure, she just didn't like, Yeah, she didn't like the sound of it, like a grown man taking kids. Let's boy Scouts. But usually there's something there's Usually there's more than one adult on there. Though. It's not just when one loan adult wants to take a bunch of kids like for a fun thing. No, you don't know that. That's the other thing goes on. It is what boy Scouts is for, to go camping. Church. It's like, are you just supposed to like praying it together every Sunday, you don't go camping. You don't bring that in right about religion. But that's not. It's almost like what your childhood understanding of adulthood is. Like my joke about my aspirations as a kid was I wanted to be a comedian, a rapper, or the owner of a pizza restaurant where third graders could hang out. That was when I was in third grade. I was like, that's the great business model, is like, I'll have this pizzeria. It'll just be for third graders kids. Yeah. Yeah, And I was thinking, like I'm thirty, I'll be thirty five or so fo. I'm not even I'm not even kidding, Like it's straight up what I thought I was going to be when I grew up, because I was like, how come there's no more adults hanging out with kids? I love adults are hanging out with kids. When you're in third grade, you remember like when because I remember there was this one priest. I won't say his last name or I don't know this guy. Father does just say Brian. It wasn't Brian, father Brian? Say well he Father Brian was like everyone's friend. He's like all of us, like all of us alter boys and whatever. We're like father Brian, father Brian. He's so cool. He hangs out with us, he gets us, and then like, one day we go to school because I went to Catholic school. I went to St. Mary's School and she was very mass. One day you go to school, father Brian is not here anymore. He is gone, and no word of it, no discussion why where He is never to be seen again. What did you think? We had no idea? You could not if someone told me. And I don't know what the real story is. I still don't know if someone told me he was messing with a kid, blah blah blah, I go, what do you mean, Like, I don't think my child game right. I don't think I could comprehend it. I think that's why Spotlight hit me so hard. Spotlight I literally had to turn it off in the middle of it, in the part where it's not a spoiler, because it's like when he goes to the guy's door and he didn't know that she's the diner scene where the woman, one of the female leads, interviews the guy and he says, I was raped by its grace and he describes it like and it's very human and it's very it's it. I just started crying. I had to turn off the movie for about fifteen minutes because I was crying hysterically. I wasn't crying like, oh, I'm choked up, like I hope people get it. My movie don't think twice available now in all theaters and we'll talk about that ship. But it wasn't like I was choked up. I was. I was sobbing. I was like, I'm a survivor of this, of this epidemic. Did you know anybody that got I've asked it. I've asked, I've asked my friends. Nobody has ever said, but yeah, because that's one of the things when when a man gets sexually assaulted a little boy and then they grow up, that masculinity I feel like it's part partly is responsible for preventing them from saying anything that's right. I think if you ever seen this documentary The Mask, Well, there's there's that. There's there's one called The Invisible War. I haven't seen that. One's about rape in the mill at u s military sweet and it's so sad. It's so devastating. I mean, it's it's so I maybe it'll break you in half for like a month, like it it's hard, it's really well made and it's important and it I think affected legislation, um, which is great. I think they now show it in the military, which is right. So there is a lot of I mean, there is progress being made, but um, it's um. Yeah. To your point about masculinity, they don't interview a lot of men who are raped. The interview a lot of women who are I think the men just cannot get on camera. And then they say the statistics of men, and it's a lot it's well, we yeah, we say a lot. Like we get an email like almost once a day from a person who was raped, and a lot of them are dudes, a lot more guys than I that I imagine. One of them is from Boston who was raped by a priest and he went into detail and I was like, oh my god, it's hard. It's just so many. And then there's have you ever watched The Hunting Ground about college campuses? Not bring myself to watch it because I can't handle it. It's rough, man, But you could. I mean I feel like someone like you, like you are sensitive and you get it, and you're not gonna someone if someone says they were raped, you're not gonna you were You you would never have that attitude. I don't think and that, but people who do, I think they need to watch it because oh god, it is infuriating. Well then a lot of times also at the militime, imagine it's a lot of man on man rape, So it's rape and then homosexuality on top of it, which makes everyone uncomfortable, Like if you are part of a homosexual experience and you do not identify as homosexual. Yeah, I think. I think one of the things too about rape in our society that's sort of a suppressed side of it that is starting to be unearthed recently, is like I dated someone in my twenties who explained to me that she was raped and and I would say the kid's name. And then later in my life, like years later, he ended up in my social circles, that guy, and so I was like, what do I do? I started, I told the people in the social circles because I was like, be careful if you see that person and with a woman, I know that that could happen, and that and that be cautious on behalf of all the women around that guy. That guy. You know what, I'm the one who got treated like a crazy person. Are you freaking serious? I am serious. It's no, it's I've I've heard things about, you know, people, especially being a comedian, you know a lot of interesting outside people. And then you hear something from someone about one of your friends and you're like, fuck, this is my friend. Do I treat my friend differently? Now I didn't see my friend do this, but I believe that that the other person is not telling me a lie, Like what do you do? How do you handle that? Damn? And you got what did they say to you? Just kind of like okay, yeah, I mean I actually one of those the perposse I'm referencing is a friend of a friend, and I've said to the my friend of it all, like just be careful, lookout, be be be an advocate for these women who you do not know, and he he's like he's changed, you know that kind of thing. It's like, no, I don't believe it. I just he could have, but he also might not have, So why don't we You're on the safe side of that one. There's nothing wrong with just keeping an eye out, and you're just saying like, hey, head's up. And that person was disciplined in that it was like, oh, college, they were kicked out of college, etcetera. So so it was like dealt with and it's not incumbent on me to go to the cops or whatever that person. That person dealt with it that a woman came forward. But still it's like, we're a community of people. If our communities cross paths, we have the responsibility to say, like, I'm not saying this to be disparaging of that person. I'm just saying, be careful on behalf of the other people. Yeah, that's like the least you could do. Miss, And it's not even you're not berating the other person, you're just Yeah. That conversation has been around in the comedy community recently and it seems like unless so you dated somebody who was raped and you probably saw the pain and arrive if he's telling you that I have a friends that were raped, and it's like you feel so helpless, and you know, it's great that you went to the police or somebody went to the police, school, the college, the college, but the hunted ground, you will learn that the colleges don't go to the police, and they should. They want their safety numbers to be good anytime it starts affecting finances, which is the bottom line. You're not going to hear about that. Yeah, but a lot of guys recently that I know that are comedians specifically, but they just don't understand why a woman wouldn't go to the cops if you right after she was raped. Yeah, there's a lot. I mean, there's a lot of discussion of that today, yeah, yesterday or not. Now. I just I just think it's like, well, obviously you don't You've never known anybody who went through that, and that's why you can't understand it. It's okay that you can't understand it. You don't have to understand everything, but just try just believe believe people when they say that it was a painful experience, and like, don't demean it, but you're you're respectful of that. And part of the reason of that, I'm sure is because you had some a relationship with somebody who went through it. It made me cry, never mind what she dealt with. Was your sex life affected by that? I think so? Yeah, I think in some way I would think, yeah, yeah, it's different for every person. Yeah, but um, yeah, I mean I think listening is the most important thing that people are forgetting right now culturally because there's a lot of kind of internet noise and shouting, so it feels like everyone's yelling and it makes me dizzy. It's so maddening. And it's with race too, you know, there's a lot of like black lives matter, no every line it's like, no, shut up, just listen that people are just saying that they feel like no one notices when their friends are killed. Just let them talk if that's what they want to talk about. Yeah, I wish I could pinpoint what exactly it is about humanity, like why people do that so much, because it's it doesn't solve anything, and it makes some problems so much worse, and then it discredits the move and you're like, well, what the fuck. It's just everyone wants to be heard and people don't want to listen to this. Yeah. Yeah, everyone thinks their opinion matters more more. Rape sucks. It's I mean, Salt and Pepper covered this a long time ago. Opinions are like assholes, everyone got one, Like, I mean, we should have listened to that. I know, the practically the Bible. I feel like in the nineties there was a lot of great stuff going on, not just salt and pepper, but like it was a very sexually progressive time and then we regressed. And I think Sara Silver and Men actually mentioned that, like we've regressed in the present time. The nineties were more sexually forward. Yeah. Interesting, Well there is that odd thing. Have you seen the statistics that millennials have less sex than scared? Do you think? So? Yeah, what do you think that I'm busy STDs And also I mean from a female standpoint, I mean getting rape from a female standpoint. Men, men are a lot of my good guy friends are scared of being accused of rips. They want don't want to go out and just have sex with them when they meet on Tinder after a few drinks because they don't know what's going to happen. Yeah, they make it. I feel like they make it more complicated because if a person is inebriated and they can't give consent, they don't have sex with that person. Just cuddle, just cuddle. But then you think, I think about all the sex I had in my twenties and it was all inebriated. So I mean, yeah, do you did you have drunk sex in college? I were serious before I think after college I did. I think in college I was in like a serious, committish relationship at a Catholic university, so we were going to get married. That's what Sleepwalk with Me is about, is about this relationship. That's that relationship. Yes, what a beautiful was going through a real bad breakup really really spoke to me. We both watched it separately and then we talked about that movie caused a lot of breakup. I'm not even feel like we're out right for each other. And you've kind of realized that movie caused a lot of breakups, and don't think twice it is going to cause a lot of people to leave show business. You want to know something after Steven and I, my boyfriend you met, watch that because he kind of has a little fear of me getting successful and then leaving him. And after the movie, we're after the movie, we're both crying, but we didn't want to show the other person. And then he goes, I don't want to be stuck in the well, and we cried and I was like, you won't. I'll get you out of the well, my god. And then she texted me this and I was like, you are both too much. I can't be a part of this. That makes me so happy. Yeah, it was like a very cute moment. That's example similar to the thing I was thinking. It's great about this podcast? Is it got the conversation pushed? Yeah further. It's good to have that conversation. It's good to know he's afraid of that. Yeah, it is, And it's nice. It's good to talk about it because then if you just gets mentioned once, you feel it, you know, you feel that it's there. Did you ever have that in your life, the someone stuck in the well? Yeah? Have you ever been stuck in the well? I feel like I have experienced all of the character's experiences and don't think twice, Like I feel like who I want to be is Gillian's character. Yeah, Sam, that's why I That's why I wish I was really someone with fully artistic integrity and and and no sense of like the business and that you have to keep the lights on and all that kind of stuff. And then you know, part of me, of course is like Jack's character Key and Michael key character, which is like, you know, you want it to be, you want you want to be successful, you want to you want your dreams and I'm true and then part of me is like Miles where it's like you were You're bitter because you don't you feel like there's part of you that doesn't you don't have it. Yeah, well, now everyone has to see the movie. Well executed, such a good movie. I like when I laugh and cry during a movie. And one of my favorite scenes was just how they deal with Paine, with like Chris Gatherd's character and just like laughing at it. Oh God, that made me so happy. I didn't get the great He's amazing. It was a standout performance. I don't want to like describe any but it was. I was like, I wasn't really he just nailed it. He had a great actor. So way back to you in college and your committed relationship and I committed serious relationship was okay. So my freshman year in college, I tried to meet people, and uh, how would you try to meet people? I just want to know how you go up to a girl, so it would be all through friends. So I remember I lived um in Harbin Hall at Georgetown, and I lived on the second floor, but I would always hang out on the ninth floor because my friend Gence Layne was there. She is, Yeah, she had a serious boyfriend, a serious a series of serious boyfriends that year. But and you're waiting. No, No, I was like, I've all I have been the eighties high school movie gay best friend for most of my life, Like I have been like the beautiful women's friend who is like I don't know if he's for you. Yeah, but nothing, I'm that guy. I've been that guy for like most of my life. And uh yes. So then my friends Janet had they were in the ninth phone out hang out with them, and then they would try to like set me up with people. They'd be like, oh, this person would be good for you, this person will be good for you, and then it would be kind of like it just it was a lot of not fitting. I think part of it, honestly, is just I don't I think I'm an eccentric personality. I don't think that I'm for your charmingly awkward, You're very you're and you're you're very genuine, you're very honest out your awkward, and you're like, if you're not frumpy, you're not there. It's a very unique not from Yeah, I felt like my impression was a little frumpy, So that's why I wanted to. When train Wreck came out, there was a Boston Globe review, which is where I'm from, that called me Um. Mike per bigli Is plays Bree Larson's blob of a husband, and I'm like, blob like. You wouldn't describe food as a blob like without it being a little insulting. Yeah, you wouldn't be like a blob of mashed potatoes. You'd be like a flourish of mashed potatoes. So I guess the point is is that, yeah, I'm I'm I've never and then in my twenties, like I would, I would meet people and it would just never meet women. It would just never quite click until my wife, and then it was really it was that thing. Jake Johansen has this great bit about falling in love, which is one of the shortest punch lines of all time. It's barely a joke, even though it's my favorite joke, which is he says, so I fell in love fuck, and I think that that's how I felt when I met my wife Jen, which is just I think she and I both had that where we're like, funk, this this person is going to be this is it? Don't you kind of know right away? I think so, yeah, because you never felt that before with any other person. Why did your how was being in an exclusive relationship in college? Like? How did you meet and what kind of what was she? Like? I met her at a theater party. Uh, that's so cute. I went to a lot of theater parties in college. She was in the Nomadic Theater Company. People are very sexual. She was in the Mac Theater Company, which Bradley Cooper was in. She shows that's right, that's right. Yeah, at the sequence of events, let's get let's get that on Wikipedia. Go. Braley Cooper was like, do you want to go out? And she's like, no, I'm I'm busy. Um. Yeah. And I was in the Georgetown Players improv group. And then I was at a party and I and I and I met her and and uh, you know, asked her on a date and then we were together for like, honestly, I think like six years. Yeah. It's pretty wild, But you never thought did you ever think that she was the one? For people who haven't seen the movie, I did. Yeah, okay, yeah, so I've had this is the one twice in my life. Yeah, but what was your thought process in figuring out that she wasn't the one or you weren't because I was people. Yeah, I mean it's you can see sleep Walk with Me on Netflix. But for people listening to this, well, but it's it's more eloquent than I will say right now, which is to say that I think what happened was our our our our paths just became clearly divergent, and she wanted to get married, didn't have children, And I really feared that for so long. I mean, I love a daughter now as she's fifteen months old, and I'm so glad. We uh, you know, I love her, and I love my wife, and I love our life together. But I think what I feared is, you know, I used to make this joke in my early album. On my early album, might say I don't want to have kids until I'm sure that nothing else good can happen in my life. And that's a fear that it was a deep fear of mine for a long long time. And then and then you know, having a kid now, having a daughter, now you go, oh, it's not nothing good will ever happen. It's just that there's a certain added complexity that is both better and in some ways and worse in some ways. But it also it also widens your field of vision in this way that you would have never experienced. You just you don't you you understand it's not even that you um are. I think the fallacy of having children is that you're not selfish anymore. It's like, no, no, no, we're all selfish like people, kids are selfish. It's just you. Your you're it's like you're selfish with limits, like you're like, you're selfish. But also you might want to make sure this little baby stays a lot you have to feed because then yeah, you got to feed the baby. Yeah yeah, And so it does it opens your mind up to honestly, like for me, of just judging parents really I used to do. I used to just be like, get the funk out of my way, and your kids and your stroller they take up so much space in the street. Oh wow, you're more judged towards parents that like I don't have you are you judging towards people? God? I don't think children should be a lot of New York City. I feel I feel that way. It's not a place for kids. I feel that way about children and old people always like why are you here? Agreed, at a certain point, you just can't. It's a walking city, you can't do it anymore. I get angry at a lot of people for a lot of things that I don't know, like strangers on street, but if it's an old person at just for some reason, I can't get mad. You love I love dogs. I don't know what that's just. Dogs could be everywhere, I don't care. It could be in restaurants. I wanted to be France, like where they can drink out of my teacup. But I agree with you on that because dogs are nimble. Dogs will jump out of the way, Like if you're like, yeah, if you're barreling down street on like a bike, dog's gonna get the funk out of the way. As whereas the old ladies getting hit and you're like, fuck you, you should have gone out of the way. Yeah, I see what you're saying, and dog's not gonna curse you out. Also helpful. So I ended up being kind of serial monogamous in my life twice before your wife, twice my wife. Yeah, um, because I think that's just what I'm inclined towards like I think. In some ways, I'm lucky that I was. I didn't come up in the dating scene in the tender era. I'm glad too I didn't. I would be terrible at that. Yeah, but stories surrender is bad enough, but just swiping, you have a lot of stories. Like for dates, you'd I feel like you would be an interesting date because you would be a good speaker. Judging by your face, you don't think that about yourself. I mean, do you act different than how you're acting. I just feel like you don't bullshit. You weren't like ado like gonn talk about, but something more interesting. I'm going to dig in pretty quickly. Yeah, yeah, you're more like this exactly like this would be a good date, for example, Right, you're comfortably Let's let's be honest. Most dates are not like this. That's why I hate dates. I don't want to. I don't care what you went to school. It doesn't matter to me. I'm like, what what like? What makes you feel? What makes what makes you? Yeah? I asked people gnarly questions when I first meet him, but then they tell me the answers. So that's good. Yeah, because I don't want to talk about something stupid. Yeah, you're sure. I don't care, Like I think that what happens is if you if you go on a deep dive, I think that's like a beat Homes term. But if you're going to right away, I think a lot of people are judgmental of you for doing that. You're kind of like, whoa easy, Like I don't want to deep dive with you immediately, People like, yeah, he's back. Yeah, I think you're right. I'll be like going to CBS and like talking to the lady behind a pharmacy about like periods, but like, you know, I don't know. That's what I'm like. That's my wife, well, not about periods, but my wife makes fun of me all the time because I will just strike up a conversation with anyone, literally anyone. Yeah you're gonna be Yeah, it's like you're already like my grandpa did that, Like he just talked to every single person. I was like, I like that. My mom always My mom's like that too. My dad always makes fun of my mom. He always goes your mother would talk to a door knob, and it's like you probably get a lot out of that. I know, I'm guilty of that too. What have you ever had a one night stand? Yeah? Sure, really yeah, I mean I think I ate a handful of those in my twenties that we're like fine. The problem is like they're not like I always felt like, oh, this is like we both feel bad somehow really like yeah, like like I would want to call the I would always be like, maybe we'll have coffee in the morning, but that's not the cool move, I guess, you know what I mean. Like, there's so there's dating politics and one night stand politics is just so complex. Yeah, yeah they are. And even like friends that I would like cook up or not friends, but people I would hook up with I would always feel like bummed out the morning. I don't know why I'm not. I wasn't upset that I did it, but I'm like, well, this is the end. We were just very close and now we're going to not talk to each other for a long time. And that's yeah, it is a little sen's like the death of our closeness, you know what It's like. It is like I was writing this thing recently. It's kind of half baked right now, but it's like like for me, one night stands fall into the realm of like dark joy. It's like it's joyful, but then like once the joy goes away, it's just dark like Heroin or yes, like Heroin. Yeah, but it is, it's like there's something and then and then My life right now is sort of light joy in the sense of like it's like the things that get excited are about her, Like Una said banana, you know what I mean, Like she said pancake, and it's stuff I would make fun of people for I would for years and you guys are probably judging me right now hard, but but you would light joy. When the joy goes away, you can still see your fingers, like the lights are still on, you know what I mean, Like it's because they're up inside, so no, it's still light out. I was like, damn, are you making a really dirty joke right now? I'm impressed, but it's nobody. It's I don't know. That's sort of a half big concept of light joy versus dark joy. But yeah, upsides and downsides of both there are. I try. I didn't find a lot of upsides and the hookups that I have, but that's because I just like having a connection with somebody and I don't like losing that right away. Well, how to funk buddy, though? Have you ever had a fun buddy? That's what I don't like one night stands either. I've only had one, but I've had tons of fun buddies. I think I had in my funnies. I dated someone for a long time who I would not say we were dating, and then buddy, no, and no, I didn't. I just wouldn't say we were girlfriend boyfriend, Like you wouldn't say that at the time. We're even now in retrospect, you don't know that. In retrospect, I'm like, no, that was my no, we were dating, and I'm I'm I'm a jerk. Yeah, okay, I'm a jerk. I'm the guy who I came off of my relationship with my college girlfriend. And I was like, I am never doing that again. And so then I met this other person who we really connected with, I really connected with, and we're like kind of off and on for like a year or so, and I was like, but we are not you know that I did. What did you say? Literally the worst? Really, you're the worst? I was, That's not the worst. I just think Dr Drew says men in their twenties are the worst people in existence? Have you ever heard that? No? But I know, but I thought, yeah, especially men. By the way, you're you have that fellow, he's great, And here are you single? No, I have a boyfriend, you have a boyfriend. I feel happy for you, guys, because I think men in their twenties in New York City are particularly the world. Well, I'm also thirtiesome out of that. You just popped that. Yeah, I dated. There was a lot of dating for me in New York and it was something. Well it's something because it's like a bunch of narcissists. Yeah, and but also that you're playing. You're doing this dance where you pretend you don't like each other because no one wants to be vulnerable and it's a game of vulnerable chicken, and you just wait for someone to admit it first so that you could both be happy and move on, you know what I mean. Like, I've liked a lot of guys and vice versa. The guy is like me, but we're too stubborn to But I don't know, beyond vulnerability, I think the problem in New York is that there you always think someone better is going to come along, that people yeah, that's exactly what it is. And you know, I think also, I think Sex in the City did a great service, Oh god, yes, to America. Even though it's a good show, it's entertaining, funny, it's entertaining that helpful exactly. Yes, Well, looking back at it, I'm like, it's well written, it's well acted, but it kind of sold women on this idea that New York is just like teaming with men who are but it's like a buffet and it's not. Well, that's how I learned about sex is Sex in the City and Cosmo magazine, and and then you get here and you're like, no, it's a lot it's a lot more difficult, or it's I don't know, it's just weird. That That's why I think Lena did a good job with girls in the sense of like I think Adam Driver is actually his character is like a good example. I have recently watched the pilot episode. Again. I rewatched the pilot because I love watching pilots after I've gotten into a series, and I'm like, God, he was the weirdest I've I've done that with that guy so many times, and I don't you just kind of go along with it because you're like this is weird. Is this weird? I think this is weird? And then then you step out of it and you're like, what the fuck? Oh God, I've done such dumb ship like that? Have you? Did you ever have like, did you ever fall for a girl and then you didn't realize that she was maybe a little looney Tunes, a little nuts? Yeah? I had that happen a bunch of times. Yeah, yeah, or not a bunch, but definitely a couple of times where I was like, oh, like someone's in my social circle and I was like I wonder what it would be like to date that person. Then eventually, like I asked them out, and then I'm like, oh, this is not a fit at all. Did they like you back more than you like them? I don't know if it's liking as much as just like desperately needing someone and realizing like I cannot be that person for you? How can for you? Like I can see you like falling for like a manic pixie dream girl kind of a thing. And then he's like this is so adventurous, I'm trying new things. Or twice we're the weirdest thing you ever did with someone where you where you're like doing it and you're like, I can't believe I'm fucking doing this right now, not sexually, even just like going to a dumb class or some kind of conference. I just remember this one time I I met this girl who was like in my social circle for a bit and then um, we went out a couple of times and then we hooked up. And then there was she like took out a piano and just start like playing songwhere that she wrote at her apartment. That's a big we are Carnegie Hall. I was thinking in the scene at home alone it almost lady takes him to the attic. You're at a Fiona Apple concert and she just jumped on stage and started playing Fear on the shoulder. You're embarrassing me. That was like an odd one where it was like, oh, like you just need you know what you're playing like originals you Yeah, like I'm not kidding. Was it good? No? It was not? And it was and it was and it was tough because it was like, oh, you like you said you need an audience, yeah, and I can't. I can't be the full audience. Well it's such a turn off too when someone's like they go to like show off and it's not good and it's just so uncomfortable because you don't want to tell him, but they'll find out eventually. Well, you know what's funny is I opened for Mitch Heedburg a handful of time in my twenties, and that's amazing. Yeah, I was very lucky. Do you have met him at all? But and he said a thing to me one so I thought it was very wise. He said, never never show your girlfriend your notebook. And I thought it's like a wise way of looking at it. In other words, you're rough drafts of what your jokes are, right, because and that's the same thing, right, because it's like you don't want to You kind of don't want to show people like your crappy version of stuff. Yeah, you want them to wait until they see the good version. Yeah, and then maybe in a few months you could show my boyfriend is banned from club rooms when I'm when I'm doing when I'm working on jokes, he can't understand that. Your show, by the way, it was so fun I did your show, like, oh glad that was her show. Yeah, Jesus my god. Um yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, because you tried all you could try, all the new stuff that you had written on the note cards. I was there. I just watched. Yeah, it was great. Okay, um. I was like, you're I'm looking at you going I'm sure I saw you. No, no, no, yeah you guys we talked more than you talked to her, but it was her show. I was running around, understood, Okay, we need to get this very straight. But that show was so fun. Thanks audience and like podcast people and they all, like a lot of them, don't go out to see live comedy a lot, so they really it is my hope that they that gets them to want to see live comedy more because it's such a great When it's good, it's so good. But you know what's what was weird about being single for my twenties was like I never I was always working out new material, like I was a clamor plus that night, and so I would never come off stage and be the person who women were like I want to talk to that guy, because I was always just kind of like I was like a B plus on stage, you know what I mean, because I'm always working on a material as opposed to and we all know who these people are they have their set that they've been doing. It's an a set they've been doing for ten years. It absolutely crushed. Is the sole intent of it is so that women come up to them after the show And then yeah, I mean but when what I know women who do that? So what's there? No one comes up women? We never get dudes. Yeah, And I try to encourage, like, I love when women hit on men, like I'll hit on men. I don't care like I I enjoy hitting on men. But no one ever comes out to us after. Really, Yeah, I got a couple of stalkers, but that's about it. I didn't even get a stalker. Lucky. Yeah, I think, well, I think we discuss this. I think you just don't know because you're too friendly, so you don't really Oh man, I've been on so many accidental dates. But you guys have boyfriends, so you're not like, what would you say, Well, I mean I've only had a boyfriend for like six months. Well, I mean I would still flirt with people. We both flirt with people, because that's what you gotta. I mean, I I want, I gotta And I like when he flirts with other people. It kind of turns me on, so that's like a separate thing. But yeah, but you know, I like flirting with I'm not going to hit on somebody and like ask them out because that's that's not appropriate. But you know, just I just always see it with dudes when they get off stage, like that's where they get plus and then when women get off stage and they crush no, no dicky, or at least from what I've seen, no dick. Really. Yeah, that's very surprising, but I have heard that before from female comics. But yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's happened. The only other people who hit on you are comics. Well, you know, there's all these theories that people have about about female comics. Let me preface this by saying, my favorite a lot of my favorite comics working are female comics, like Kathleen Madigan and Maria Bamford's Harris Silverman, Nikki Glazer. Like, I just think there's so many brilliant female comics. But I have heard this concept that, like one of the reasons women have a hard time as stand ups is that there's certain men were so bullheaded that they don't in the audience, who don't want to admit that a woman is funnier than them, and so they feel intimidated on dates that they're like that they're the that they're the sort of alpha of the relationship, so to speak, they're the funny one, and that you can't get them to laugh because somehow that admits to their date that the woman on stage is funnier than them, which is obviously the most sexist, sort of imaginable point of view, But I think that that's a decent take on what female comics struggle with times with audiences, particularly tough audiences. Yeah, I've thought that your audiences audiences are like hot twenty one year old chick. They're like, let's go. I'm like, wow, I feel like just a biber. But you're like rough and tumble, like one one nighter in West Virginia audiences. You know, right, Well, I thought that in my head a lot. But then I'm like, am I just making excuses? You know? Because you never want to Because sometimes I'll go on stage I think there's some dudes who don't want women to be funny, Yes, and it feels that way, and you're like, I'll look them in the eye and I'll be like, bro laugh let it out, like it's could almost feel them holding themselves back from enjoying the show. And but and then in my head, I'm like, maybe it's just me because I don't want to like make excuses for myself like or should just be funnier. But I do think that that that is the case a lot of the time. But then you get someone like Maria Bamford, who like, because she's so who she is, her audience is like me and like my wife, and I go to see her whenever she's at Carolines or a town hall or wherever, are just fanatical. Like you look around and you're like, not only do people like Maria Bamford here, they fucking love her and think she's the best comedian on earth. She's we saw her. I saw all those women that you mentioned. I saw them at just for laughs, and I was like, I can't go up to women. I can go up to men comics that I admire and say hi, and it's fine. I can't. I have like a bigger crush on female comics and I can't talk to them. I'm like, they're gonna hate me. They're not going, oh my god, Like I get I have this like fear well there's just also there. I mean for me, there's like a power that you can use with a straight man where you can use the power of sexuality to make them like automatically even feel like with you. I don't feel that I'm using it though, but I must say, yeah, it's probably there. Yeah, So for a woman that will be like, how why can you like me? Can you just like me? That's not so awkward just approaching comedians in general when you're a young comedian, and also we're just not approachable folks. Why force people? I hug people way too early, That's the thing I do, and they're like, okay, I'm like, I'm sorry, Yeah, I'm just really awkward. There's something about like who have you guys gone up to of comics who you've admired and it's gone, like okay, it's gone okay. I mean David Tells always on and off. That was my like my number one. It's like, I for ten years I had waited to meet David Tell and I've met him now a bunch of times now that he well knows who I am and can wave at me when I walked past the seller. And that's great because about the podcast all the time and I'm like, yeah, thank you for caring. He's so kind, but it's so like you're like, oh my this is And if David tell Us comedian doesn't like David Tells, my favorite's amazing, like god damn it. Like if he doesn't like me, tell myself, I kind of do right like that. So how do you break in? Um? I don't know. I went up to Hirette used to straight up stock David tell I mean I smoked like three cigarettes and I don't smoke, just to be arrested. And I was joking and that was made my friends stand with me. I was like, stop it. We're gonna gonna keep smoking until David Talk comes out here and smokes too. And I mean it worked. But he's actually he's bizarrely nice, so sweet, as misanthropic, hilarious as his comedy is. Yeah, but he and he takes weird turns, Like last time I saw him outside, he was like, oh, funk that guy. You funk that guy, that guy Chris Dad. I'm like, gosh, because sometimes it's very talkative and sometimes he's very quiet, and you never know which Dave you're gonna get, and it's a thrill, and then when he's quiet, you have to make the jokes. But then you don't want to make jokes in front of David Tell because what the fund Joe Cone one time I tried to make a joke and he told me. He's like, that wasn't funny. Tried again and I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna cry. The funny thing. I was on tour with him with train Wreck last summer. It was me and him and Colin Quinn, Amy and Amy Schumer and Vanessa Bayer and jed At. Yeah, so funny. But but it was my birthday on the tour and Dave was the only person who got me a birthday present. He's very gonna be like a writing notebook. It was really sweet and I was like, will you sign it? And so he did. I have this raining notebook that's signed by David. Hell. Yeah, he's really He's always giving money to homeless people like outside. He's very, very generous and thoughtful. Have you ever been nervous to meet somebody and funked it up? Oh my god, so many people. Really have you read an awkward Well? I think the person who absolutely floored me meeting was Mitch Hedberg the first time. Yeah, that was middling for him opening for him, if people don't know the term middling. Uh the second Sexual Sexual Theme podcast, he was behind you and then the opener was in front of you, and uh, which was his wife Lynn chak Off. But that's not helping the freeways. But but I was asked by the club owner a Joker's Comedy Club, the former the former Dayton Joker's Comedy Club, UM to pick him up at his hotel, and so I picked up him and his wife, and uh, I was just in shock that I would ever. I mean, I feel like that's what's wild about the comedy businesses, Like you end up meeting these people who you never in your wildest dreams would imagine speaking to. Yeah, and that was that's so early on. That's amazing too, or something like that. I've been doing this a long time. And then and then I went on to open for David Tell, Mitch Hedberg, and Lewis Black like six or seven shows on the Comedy the first ever Comedy Central Live Theater tour, which is why it's a good gig. Yeah, it was this is I ended up on that because I wanted to get tickets to it? And so I called the booker, Jeff Wills, who was booking the tour Goodness. I was like, can I get tickets to this? And he was like, actually, I'll do you want better if you can open, if you can get yourself there and put yourself up. So I was like, this kind of bit losing money, like we're working at a deficit kind of thing opening for this tour. It was unbelievable. Did did women come up to you guys afterwards? Like when you were single? Have you ever did you ever flirt with a fan and go home with a fan? I think that happened, so yes, I yeah, I think that happened a few times. But yeah, it was always like fine, but it's not I don't think it's super healthy, right, Well, it's it's and it's not for everybody because I feel like I know a lot of comedians that like really love like some some of my friends like go outside purposely to be right. Well, you see that a lot. Yeah, have you ever been like a comedy teacher? Have you ever taught comedy? No? I play one in the movie. I was asking that power dynamic. Yeah, I mean all the time, and my character and don't think twice is Miles. He's he's like an improv teacher who's like bitter and old old he's my age, yeah and uh and like a womanizer of his students. And he's kind of like the most despicable character in the film, which is uh, I don't know fun to play. Yeah, well, you know you said part of you is in every person is part of you. That no, I never I never taught and I never like engage this. My first manager was this guy Lucien Hold. Oh you met Lucian Yeah, yeah, when he passed away three years ago, but yeah, but he was he was the booker on the comic strip on every side years since the seventies. He passed, like Seinfeld and stuff, damn yeah yeah and uh yeah, like Chris Rock and like a lot of those people were really loyal to Lucien over the years. But he always said, and it's a bit of a sexist remark, but if you if you apply it to both genders, and it's not. He always said, right, that's how you oh what oh wait, and then it all died. That was the ghost of Lucien. Lucien really did not want to be called sex. The one sexist experience in comedy was at the comic strip for really owners, Yeah, I mean, it wasn't the worst thing. I think everyone has. Everyone's sexist experience was that the comic strip. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't the worst thing. I want to say what he said. I said that he goes to comedians. There's comedians who do it for the women in these comedians who do it for the art. And he said to me, you're one of the comedians who does it for the art. And I think that that's going to endure for you. And that's true. I mean I think that that's that's true. I think that the comedians who do it we or the men. But that was Cox. Yeah, that wasn't a sexist statement. All the women are just doing it for the art because we love art. Because some women are like really in the integrity. I think you're like that, Sam, You're like Sam in the movie integrat I don't know any woman who does comedy for the dick. Interesting, Yeah, right, most of must do it from sitting on the knife. I don't put a lot of people do. Yeah, wow, well you but you were, You're doing it because of your mom's depression thing. Oh yeah, so depression does have a factor in it. Yeah, there you go. My mom was bipolar, and I was like, be happy, mom, and I was just trying to make her laugh my right. Were I relate to that? Really? No? But my dad was always like in sort of I always found my dad bad movies my whole life, and I and my mom was always sort of cheery, and I would sort of like, I feel like I was always entertaining my mom to some degree to distract from your dad's being being kind of shouty and and nuts. But yeah, but I yeah, no, so I. But then again, there's I don't know, there's a part of all any performer or any artist of any kind of who is doing whatever they're doing. The reason you start is like this, look at me kind of narcissism. And then at a certain point I think you're you stop and go like, wait, there's more here you can Yeah, once you understand the power of it and the potential of it, how you could use it, and then your goal change because you want to invoke. When you see good comedy, you're like, oh fuck, like that's so I want to be able to do that. Yeah, And you feel like you want to connect with people like you feel like I found like I had a breakthrough like ten years ago where I started telling stories on stage and tell instead of just jokes, and I was like, oh, I feel a human connection to these strangers beyond just laughter, Like they're actually like listening and taking it in and seeing their lives through that lens that I'm describing my story. And there's something profound about that. And you're like, oh, I'm actually contributing to something. Yeah, it feels really good. So do you have do you have a hard time connecting with people out off stage, because it seems like, you know, with the serial monogamy that you wouldn't But let me think on that. No, I think I do. I think I'm okay connecting with people, but I do think, like, I don't know. I think it's a I like connecting with strangers. It's like that thing that people say, like strippers sometimes said, I don't want to strip in front of people. I know, like I want to strip front Yeah, I think so, I've never heard anybody use that line. I'm just gonna I don't strip in front of people. I mean that just seems like a logical thing. Like, yeah, I don't see. Maybe it's just that striping Christmas Thanksgiving break. I don't strip because maybe that's not something I feel like I've heard that before. The notion makes sense. I don't want to. I don't want strip in front of anybody, but especially people I know. I love doing comedy in front of strangers versus people I know I love. I love like I'm on Oranges the New Black. And the funniest thing is like I get tons of black strangers coming up to me now because they watched that show, and it's great. That's never happened. Because that's never happened. People never noticed you. Because I just have tons of like white fans, and which drives me crazy. I want to have black fans. I want to have a mix. I want to have to be honest, I want old fans, young fans. I want like the widest swath of you know, unique interesting people in the audience. And unfortunately, like I, I always wish they were more. Actually, one of the upsides of of this past movie Don't Think Twice is I think I don't know, but I think because Keegan Michael Key is by racial, I think there's more black audience members that I've noticed at the at the movie when I go to Q and A's and I'm just like, this is great. It feels more just like a connected human experience when it's a more diverse audience. Oh yeah, absolutely, like more accurate representation of society as well, much more. Yes, fucking white people. It's like you'll have to come people. Well, I saw the movie with almost exclusively old people in Denver, Colorado, the Mayan. Yes, at the Mayan. Absolutely. I went there a few weeks ago, just me and a bunch of blue hairs. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, at two o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah. Yes. What's the weirdest sexual experience you've ever had? Huh Um? I think it would have to be the first time I had sex. How was that? How old were you? Okay, because my girlfriend at the time was uh who was my college girlfriend, and she had had sex and it was not a version and I was a virgin. You told her? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like that before conceal that one. Yeah, girls do a lot of girls do, a lot the ones that we've heard from. Yeah, or they don't know if they should tell and like it's not a big deal, like I would want the person to know so that they know. But it was I think, here's the mistake we made, and let this be a Let this be a lesson to the listeners. The first time we made a thing of it, like we went to a bed and breakfast and in like North Carolina or something. Don't the same thing, and yours, I think is gonna turn out not good? But mine turned out gut mine. Mine turned out terribly, which is I was its performance anxiety. I lost my direction how far in didn't work like you know, like early on and then yeah, sure a couple of minutes and then it like kind of didn't sort of happen, and then we sort of lied there in disgust and then was there there was inseartion, like there was okay, but just for like a little bit. It was so weird. That really really bad because it was it was that I my whole life. I feel like I had that, not my whole life, I mean up until age nineteen, I feel like I had that Catholic sort of fear of sex, of like what is it? Did you have? What happens? Were you kind of catholic that felt guilty masturbating because a lot of people have told us that, and that specifically with Catholic Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I don't have that fear anymore. Thank free Master. Do you masturbate a lot? Mike, No, no, no, but I think that would be a good joke. Really, you don't a lot, But you know what, you home swore it off. Do you know that. I did hear that he talked about it. I thought that was smart because I sworn it off from time to time. I think it is. I mean, I've my wife and I since we've had our child. I mean it's having a child a little bit like a fire draw at the time, Like you're just constantly running around me like what do I do? What's happening? What's going on? Is everyone alive? And so there's a there's less sex overall, but somehow better sex, like yeah, because you feel like you're having sex sort of under like this dictatorship or something, and it's kind of hot. Yeah, there's something I don't let them. Yes, I thought you were going to say because you had such a strong bond because you created life together, but I guess not so cheesy. But we there's also this weird thing of like is when you have a kid. Because I have a serious sleep disorder, so I can't sleep in the same room as my wife and daughter because I jumped through a second sleepwalking Sleepwalk with Me is on Netflix. Did you still do that? I do? Yeah, I mean you can't. There's no cure for it, so all you can do is take medication. I sleep in a sleeping bag. I mean, it's not ideal. It's my it's my thing. You don't know what I mean. It's the cross I bear with your wife. Compare myself to Jesus had some difficulties as well. We all have our struggles. And your this is across nails in his arms, and mine is I sleep in a sleeping bag. But yeah, so my wife and I sleep in the same bed, but when she sleeps in the other room with our baby, sometimes we do not sleep in the same bed. And so that's a whole thing. And like so a lot of times, like to have sex, like we have to like have a babysitter a nap, right, and then he just goes far away from a room. Is that happens too, And then sometimes like we'll hire a babysitter and like we'll go out secret use. Well, yeah, it's like this weird thing like we're going to we go to a movie, we come home and we say that. We say the babysitter like like, hey, we're going upstairs see if sex while she's in the house. Yeah, we give her heads up. She get does she get the what we say? Like we'll be back in eleven minutes. You know, like there's uh, that's what's sort of perverse about it was like there's a third party who's kind of aware of it. Let's just like go to a red roof in from time to time. I like that. I like that. Yeah, I don't know, it's I don't know. I like doing all those red roofs INDs that are in Manhattan. There is one in Manhattan. Yeah, it's right by Yeah, I got good deals. It's in little India, a little India. Yeah, right near here. Fun, there's a little Korean little in India right here. We'll create where the red roof is. Yeah, there's a red roof in. But the thing is in Manhattan, you can probably go to like a boutique hotel and get a better deal, like the Carlton Arms. I think that's a great idea getting a lot of great advice here. Yeah. Well, yeah, so you tell the babysitter be back in eleven minute. But that freaks me out. That doesn't freak me out. I totally I would do I feel like I would do that. And if I was a babysitter, be like, take your time. Oh boy, yeah, are you loud when you have sex? I don't know. I've never been on the other side of the wall, don't. I mean, do you talk? So you're very you're very You're a talker, but do you imagine you talk? I've only but I don't know. I've only lived within it, so I don't know what my volume control lands. You're so present that you don't remember what you say? Called bullshit? No, I this is so uncomfortable. You don't have to answer it. If you do answer it, you don't have to tell me what you say go through like a line. I think dirty talk to us. All of these things have and have not happened. Okay, Wow, religion really fucked. Yeah, that's why we're gob sexual. Yes, it's silent. That's why the babysitter can stay downstairs. And also, I hope they're the hourly rate you're paying her as it's outrageous phenomenal. Okay, cool, but I'm no, it's not. I was like, damn, it's not. Do you have Well? So I'm still curious about you tell the babysitter you're gonna go bone real quick? Do you then what you say to her? No, he's implied, but does she get it? And then there's there's this thing recently because I wrote this thing about it um for the Nantucket Film Festival. I had like a story night and I and so I wrote a little bit about this and I mentioned the babysitter thing, and and then I pointed out that like I like, I kind of get now later in life, like why these people like Arrld Schwarzenegger like end up like sleeping with the babysitter, Because like, I don't agree with it. I don't think it's a good idea. I don't condone it, but I kind of like get we're getting an exclusive. I think you're hyper aware that you're on like a feminist podcast. I don't know. I don't I'm not for it. I get it, but I get it because I'm like, Okay, the babysitters, like you're like, who wants to take care of the baby, you who wants to have sex, you too, perfect consolidates the whole operation. And then my wife, my wife who gives a lot of insight into my writing and is a writer herself. She she goes, I want to point out that, like, like you know, you do get to funk the babysitter, I'm the babysitter, you know what I mean? Or like you do get you do get the nanny. I'm the nan right, And which is she's got its better line than any of my lines. She's like she puts on a nanny cost and be like, wait, yeah, well I'm kind I'm very fascinated by the relationship you have with your wife because I feel like any time like you describe yourself, it's like you're not you don't really sell yourself as someone that another person would want to marry. Because you have my favorite quote of all time, which is you said to John, which is I'm never going to be happy. Why do you want to be a part of that? Yeah? I love that. It's on my Facebook page in my bioection because I was like, this is great. I feel exactly the same way. But she like you you anti sould yourself and then she still wanted to be a part of that, Like I got really lucky. Do you like yourself though? I think, yeah, I would think. I don't know, I know, I've never thought about it in that in that those plane of terms, I guess, but I think so, Yeah, I mean, I just don't think. I don't think you're desirable. My my reason, my reason joke about my body that I'm going to put on stage soon is that I have the body of someone who's just about to start p ninety X and then doesn't. Yeah, and my my wife is super hot, and so that we are in stark contrast to one another. Do you feel old? I do? I do. I'm thirty eight, not that that's such a great age for a guy. That's like a hot age. And the forties too, oh my god, Primes. When I moved to New York, I was nineteen, I was like, I just want to bang a four year old because I just think that it's and I still think it's so attractive like older men or I don't know. I think it's just because men in their twenties tend to be the worst nightmare, so maybe maybe that's worth Yeah, yeah, I mean, are you like bugs with Dr Drew used to listen to love Line. No. I was just asking because I was like, plea love No. No. I I was on the show a couple of times, but no. And then when I was on, you know, when I was first starting out, I was driving my mom's station, wagging around the country to areas of lesser comedy concentration. I would, yes, you're making me what I would listen to, uh hours of you know, love Line and Stern and whatever it was on and uh and love Line is so good. I mean it was so good. Yeah. But anyway, he yeah, he says that thing about guys in their twenties are just the worst people, and he's I think he's not raw. Do you have a type of woman that you're tracted to or you just a variety, like of all of your past relationships or hook up has been a similar type of woman. I just think funny people. Yeah, I think that. I think if you don't have the same sense of humor with the person you're with, I don't know what's going on. Oh yeah, you know what I mean, Like, what is what do you talk about? I don't know. I've never had a relationship where humor was not a huge part of it. Yeah, because then it's then it's born. Yeah, that sucks. What's the most adventurous thing you've ever done sexually? Questions are now? I like asking you these because it kind of makes Yeah, well, I mean we have to we have to get access to the unprepared. But's come on, I've seen your show. My mom loves My mom wanted me to tell you, but she love She saw some thing twice. She loved that it hit all the key points that a movie should kit like, I can show you the text message. He's a huge fan. He was like debating it should be here when you were wrong. Don't want to seem like again, what's the weirdest sex than you've ever done? Most adventurous? You know, I don't like the hottest or something wild any like? Well, like I because I know you don't just do missionary And when we were in Nantucket, we were in Nantucket, I pointed out that my wife and I had had more. My wife pointed out that we had had sex on the beach there which was called which is called children's beach, which we did, yeah, which we didn't know was called children's speech. When we had sex that we did the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do at children's beach. We created children. There were no children running around. No, it was at night. You know. It's funny we had had Yeah, that was. That was at a time in our relationship that was very Uh, it was early in our relationship. It was it was it we did like weird ship. Yeah, and it was. It wasn't like our relationship was rocky early on. Neither of us wanted to be in it, but we were because but we we love But you were still pulled towards Yeah, we loved each other. And it was the Jake Joansen bit of like fuck yeah, Like what was the funk though, because I have a funk to the fun. The funk for me recently was I don't want to disrupt my career that's finally fucking going well to take time, because I know how much time and work a relationship takes. You're not wrong. Was that the same funk for you? Yeah? Yeah, and it's it's it's it's gonna disrupt my plan you know, because like you know, I'm like an obsessive planner and I'm neurotic and I'm like, this is what you know. When I'm twenty five, I'm going to be on Letterman. When I'm thirty, I'm going to make my first movie. When I'm thirty five, I'm gonna make my second movie. You know what I mean? Like if the fucking plan. Yeah, that you have in your brain, it's precious to you. Yeah, it's precious to you. You have dreams, and and then you know, at a certain point in your life you start to accept and this is what, of course, don't think twice is about, as you start to realize that, you know what happens when life gets in the way of dreams. Yeah, because that's that's what nobody tells you, or that nobody maybe they tell you, but you can't even get it until it happens to you. Yeah, because I feel like there's so many people who that's happened to. Yeah. I remember my friend Chris and who's in my improv group. Like in our early twenties we have to show UCB. It was really popular. A group was called Little Man and then his uh, his girlfriend I had a kid. He fell in love with this woman who had a kid, and who's awesome name is Alison and and He's like, I'm just gonna move back to Chicago and uh, raise this kid and get married. And I was like, don't you see that, Like we're gonna be like successful comedience you have to have because I don't care. I just don't care, because I'm in love with this person and it means more to me to raise this child I love and this woman to be with this woman I love than to be a comedian. I just don't care. Do you have to give up so much? This is one of the most successful and this is one of the most talented people I know. Is he happy? I think he is. Yeah, I see him whenever I go to Chicago. Yeah, because everyone has different priorities, So yeah. I mean that's the thing. That's the thing. It's hard for me to not feel like, oh no, but that's their life, that's not my life. Well that's the thing that drives me crazy about Like there's an American perception of success that it has to be this one thing, but in fact, I think it can be like on the spectrum of like a whole ton of things, and that I feel like my thirties have been all about like realizing like, oh no, it's not about what other people perceive my success should be. It's what I experience and what I want and when you know sort of and then what happens in life. Yeah, well I to be like the driving force initially is like I talked about this goal the time, I gotta do it, and then you get into it, You're like, this is really fun. I really want to do it. No, like I don't know, and then you just get or usually turning back, get everything you want and then you're like, oh, this is kind of meaningless and this sucks. Yeah. Have you ever had that moment? Sure? Right now? All I wanted to do. All I wanted to do is be on this podcast here, I am going, what am I doing? Sirens? Poor? You are making no no, no no. But I have a good answer with that, though, which is yeah, I feel like if I told myself, my twenty one year old self what that, I would just be making just have made my second movie and it would have you know, this person and this person in it. I would just be like no way, Like that's crazy or you're gonna you know, when I was twenty one, you're gonna play Carnegie Hall and you're gonna have a successful off probably like no way, and then you then you live it and you're like, oh, I'm wherever you go there you are? Yeah, still you yeah, still sucky you. Well it's still p nine x. And then does it gave up just before? Well? Also, what was I gonna say? Well, your goals become What I've realized is you always want that something in the distance, and then when you get it, you're like, I got to create something else farther away. Like for me, I always want to have a goal that's higher that I feel like might be impossible, and I just want to see if I could do it. That's smart kind of thing. We can ask you to the Ted Talk. I was like, yeah, right, what are yours right now? Uh? Well you got asked to do Ted Talk. That's great. I want to listen to that. I got the email when I was at video to Yeah, yeah, it's on YouTube. She has a monthly show and you're a comedic club called Nacho Bitches And it was a Halloween version and I was Wednesday Adams and who you were a transgender Ronald McDonald. I was transgend McDonald and we were like drunk, like you know, running around. I was at the show and I got this em and I was like, we just talk. She's like, no, he did it. I was like, yeah, we did. But what those are goals though that I didn't even know? It was even like you didn't even know. You didn't even even know it was something you want. Yeah, well, well it's funny because my goals that I've I'm obsessed with Saturday Night Live and I wanted to be on Saturday Night Live. And that's why, Like when Keegan came out his character and he fucking show, I was like, oh my god, I like cringe during all of his characters when he yells at the people for talking weird to his famous like, its just he's amazing. I actually really nice. I got lunch with him like ten years ago. I went to l as my uncle's good friends with him because he worked on mat TV for for a long time, and I remember asking about comedy, when do we gonna who's your uncle, Jeff Hutchinson. I don't need it sets for the ten years because Keegan and Tammy Sager worked at Matt TV together, know Tammy, Yeah, and they were Tammy were in Second City. Yeah, there's cool. Are we talking about? You were getting to something. But I don't know. I forget. This happens to me a lot. I think we're fine. Do you do you feel comfortable? Yeah? What we need to wrap there? Anything you want to leave on see the movie, but like any any other story or anything we didn't cover, or yeah, you wanted to reveal something weird about yourself sexually, because I know I feel like you're aching to do it. Yes, but yes I am. I'm just dying to break out with that. But you know, so if we went with a black light to Mike propigs apartment, where where's the what's the weirdest day? And where would it be? Oh my god, it's like you're sleeping bag would just be covered. Every question that you guys ask, I just I start like visualizing the the answers and then cringing. The silence is But that's also why I enjoy asking them. I know, I know it's yeah, No, it's that's my hook. People like watching me be uncomfortable. You're really good at it. Do you hate it? It's fun? Yeah? No, I think one of the most fun things about comedy is that you're the butt of the joke and if you can't kind of The most fun thing about the most funny comedy to me is when the person on stage is willing to be the joke. And that's what you guys are are doing that to me or not, and I enjoy that it's happening for the for the out of respect for comedy. Well you discussed that in your in your stage show that yeah, being like someone has to be the butt of the joke. It's doing this overly PC society we live in. Someone has to be the pot of the joke because that's what a fucking joke. So you guys are like asking me uncomfortable questions and it's like, it's funny. It's funny that like it makes me like literally the color red. Yeah, it's funny. That's what I love the podcast. Thank you, thank you so much for doing it. Just in the think of your face now when we're interviewing people, like Mike's cringing right now for for our guest. He's been in the hot stait. He knows how it feels. I love it. But if people will, I will say, if people wherever they're listening, um, see, don't think twice. It's it's gonna be Wait tell me when your broadcast as Friday Fridays in a week a week Okay, so this weekend. Ah, the movie is in a hundred and fifty theaters, which basically means that it's it's everywhere. I mean, it's within it's within forty miles of you, and you can just go and don't think twice movie dot com And and if you like stuff like this, if you like sleep Walk with Me, if you like things that are small and personal and indie and made with a lot of love and very little money, go to the movie and see it this weekend, because because that's how I get to make other stuff, and that's how these guys get to make other stuff. And it's like it's it's sort of the ecosystem of independent art right now. Yeah, And it is a great fucking movie. I loved it. So it brought out so many emotions because when you saw a car and you're like, I left, I cried and I was like really and then I saw it BUTTHEA and Stephen looked at me because I want to be stuck in the womb. Well, it was maybe beautiful, he might. I'll play this clip if we do ever end up breaking up a bit well, yeah, well that would be interesting because I'm at least Mike probicularly, I would have a big impact on our relationships because you know, Sleepwalk with Me had a big impact on me and Frank, which was the impetus for this podcast. And maybe the podcast can end with twice right ahole three sixty evil fuck. Just thank you very so much for coming on. This is quite an honor. Everyone is gonna be really exciting. And where can we follow? Twitter handle is oh after bigs at the I R B I G S And then I don't think movie. You should follow and like us on on Facebook. I don't think twice movie, go see it. Thank you guys so much, Thank you so you're such a trooper. This has been That's the worst thing you could say to me. I know, it's the interview is everything I could have asked for more. We'll talk to you next Friday. But I want to tell you a little something. Oh, let me tell you a little something. Oh, let me tell you a little something. No, No, I just want to tell you a little something. So I'm gonna put it in a song. Lord, I'm trying to write my wrongs. I'm just trying to clear my thoughts. I'm just trying to clean My conscience is coming from my heart. You had a love the sweetest Granny's poems open like my father's on whole family. You got along. I never beat the monther Guys. See, I got wise because my mother's eyes and kept my family ties. I'm in my brother's life and I ain't even mat at you. I just think that this is something that passed dude, girl, I'm just showing gratitude, wondering if things happen differently, I'd have a different attitude and cruise through the roadblocks like brush Hour in Chattanooga. We mapped it out. I'm talking longitude and latitude. But we were youngy lost. We never had a glue. But now I didn't turn my old self and selfless. It's all about me, my family and friends. I think I finally know now what love is and love is of love is. Um Hey, I just want to know if you're happy, so please tell me that you yeah. Hey. This episode of Guys we sponsored by Movement Watches. With their classy design meets styled minimalism. Movement Watchers are perfect for an elegant style or a fun, trendy night out with your friends. They have tons of interchangeable color schemes to match your thumb outfit or your fall outfit, or you win outfit or you Spring outfit. These watches look like they should be four or five hundred bucks, but Movement keeps them at a perfect price point, starting at just a hundred and fifteen dollars. Go to m v M T watches dot com slash GWF and they'll give you fift off your entire purchase.