Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and now a podcast creative for parents raising black and brown children. I'm the creator and your host, Carol Stutton Lewis. In this podcast series, I talked with some really interesting people about the job and the joy of parenting. Today is family Day at Ground Control Parenting. I've had great conversations with moms and daughters, but today we're bringing dad into the mix and talking with the entire family. So let me introduce the Hayes family, actress Leiah delay On Hayes and her parents, Kevin Hayes and Gina delay On Hayes. At the young age of eighteen, Leah already has an impressive list of credits to her name, and is now one of the top cast members on CBS's The Equalizer. Lea placed to Lila McCall, the teenage daughter of Robin McCall, who was, of course, played by Queen Latifa. Before taking this role, Leah appeared in several shows including Raven's World, Chicago Fire, and Quantica. She's also had a number of voice over roles, her most well known being the voice of Back on Disney's beloved animated series Doc mc stuffin's. It's the only child of her parents, Kevin Hayes and Dina de Leon Hayes an interview. After interview, Leah credits her parents support with being the fuel that fires our Hollywood success. She has said she doesn't worry about a bad performance because she knows that regardless of how she does, her parents will be the ones cheering the loudest, which I just love. So welcome to Ground Control Parenting, Hayes Family. Thank you, Gina, Kevin, and Leah. I am so excited to have you all here today, and we'll talk about a lot of parenting topics, but I'm excited to have the chance to talk to you about a really important one, which is how parents can help their children pursued strong passions from an early age. So this isn't a new topic at Ground Control Parenting. We've talked with Crystal McCrary McGuire, who so Cole Anthony is now in the NBA, and we've talked with Diana Napier, whose daughter Emerson was a young Broadway star. And so I can't wait to hear from team Hays as to how how to support our children as they pursue their dreams. So let's get started. So the way that I usually like to start parenting conversation is to talk to the parents about how they were parented. So I'm going to start with you, Gina. I know that your parents immigrated from Manila and the Philippines, and you grew up in North Carolina. So can you tell me what brought your parents to the US and a little bit about how you grew up shore. So my mom and dad, of course are from the Philippines, and my dad was in the Navy, and so they ended up on the East Coast. He was stationed in Charleston, and my mother was a nurse, so she was working there, and so they met in Charleston and married there. So we moved around a little bit on the East Coast and settled in Charlotte. And and you know, that's part of how I grew up in Charlotte is just living in Charlotte in the South, growing up, ice skating and performing, going to school. They're pretty much a normal life. Well, let me ask you this your parents. I wouldn't ask about the ice skating in just a second, but generally speaking, how how did your parents convey their expectations for you? I know that you ice skated a lot. You were you had professional ice skating ambitions. Did they support this? They did support it, and they were also kind of like fifty fifty. They wanted to see how my ice skating career ended up, and they still wanted me to go to school and everything. So it was both supporting me and my ice skating amateur career as well as going to school and getting through school. And so, Kevin, I just want to turn to you just to hear a little bit about how you grew up. I know you grew up in South Carolina, is that right? Canada? South Carolina? Small little town right in local Lumbia, South Carolina. The only child, So I grew up in a single family home with my mom and my grandma raised me pretty much. I'm among work the majority of the time, so I had a lot of uncles and cousins that kind of were around in the neighborhood. That kind of help mooded me so very loving. Small community called night Seal in Camden, and you know, great place to grow up. So both of you, both Gina and Kevin, you're in your respective world. How did you guys get together? While we met in Charlotte and funny, we both have fitness backgrounds and we had to get you know, certified and first aid in CPR, and so we met in a certification for CPR and he was actually supposed to go to the first aid side but ended up staying in the section where we were getting certified in CPR, and so I had to do the Heimlich maneuver on him. And that was pretty much how we met. Very romantic, very romantic, kind of like a role play. Wanted me to be her partner in life, but she didn't know how to absitutely. Not Carol, That's not true. It seemed more like the class clown and trying to get the attention. And I was like, who is this guy? So but I don't know the Highland MANUVI gets you kind of cozy. So I can see she was happy strategy so naive to it at the time. So so what you guys got to get there and get married And Leah, how influential was the way that you were parenting on how you approached parenting her. I mean, Gina, sounds like you had a very Both of you had very supportive backgrounds, but they were different. I mean, what did you take from each of you? What did you take from what you how you grew up into the way that you were wanted to parent your daughter. I think from my side, especially with my dad being in the Navy and both of them growing up in the Philippines, disciplined was you know it was? They were very very hard on us as far as listening and doing what they say. Did you approach discipline with her the same way they did? Think the way? The way I approached it was I want to be able to raise her in a way where I can feel more comfortable, where she could feel more comfortable to communicate. We've tried to raise Leya in a way that we wanted to even be raised, to have open dialogues, to allow her to have her voice, to allow her to make decisions on her own, instead of feeling like there was only one option. And in that time and in that generation, it was the American dream of you go to school, you go to you know, go off to college, get married and have kids, and and you stay in a job for forty years. And so we chose a different route, and we communicated with her, and we're very truthful with her, without you know, building up any fear within her. And that's the opposite of the way we were, you know, even myself, that's you know, I was built up with so much fear if I didn't do exactly what I was told, you know, or didn't do it the way I was supposed to do it, or at least the way they advised me to do it. Oh interesting, and and and Keivin, would you say similarly that you wanted to parent kind of away from the way you were parents as a child. No, no disrespect to the parenting you had, but did you want to veer differently than the way that you grew on? My mom was there, but my mom worked. I didn't have any siblings, so I found myself by myself a lot of times. So I had my own individual thoughts, my own individual opinions. And just Lea has her own minds, there's things that she wants to do. So when we had Lea, I wanted to raise her basically with some of the same morals and values that I had, but totally opposite of the way I grew up. I wanted to for for her to have an opinion in our house. I didn't want to introduce her to fear she I wasn't gonna spank her. Heck I want to. I don't even want to pull her teeth, you know, because I did he did when it So I didn't want to create that fear that I grew up with that if something happened, I couldn't go to my mom and talk to her about, Hey, I'm dealing with this. I wanted her to know that, you know, if anything happens, you can come to us first and we can have a conversation about it. So we've always put her in a place where she's she knows she has that support. And even when it comes to talking to adults, when she was a baby or she was a little girl, you weren't allowed to talk down to her. You had to get on one knee and talk to her, or you had to lift her up and talk to her because you weren't gonna. I wasn't gonna allow you to create that type of fear in her. So that's why she's able to kind of go in a room with a bunch of strangers and deliver. And that is this perfect segue into the next question I had, which was I've heard Leah talk about you in particularly Kevin saying you didn't want to introduce her to fear, and that that fascinated me because I kind of wanted to know, and you guys have already begun to explain like what that actually means. I mean, I get the concept you don't want your child to be afraid, but it sounds like both for both of you. It sounds as if the drive to make sure that she that she felt comfortable coming to her parents and that she didn't wasn't afraid to talk to them was key. So can you tell me a little bit more about how you did this. I mean, you talked about sort of raising her up so that your eye level, you're always eye level to her. But one of the kind of things did you do in the early days, I would imagine to make sure she didn't feel fear. Well, when we moved to Texas, we're basically getting started as a family, of course, So Tina was in her career and I worked from home, so I had the flexibility, so I took her to school, I picked her up from school. I went to eight whether at school. I ran to the class at school. So I was a very active and he and he and he personally asked me that, you know, you go ahead and handle everything, handle your career. But he definitely wanted to be the one to be more hands on with her. He wanted to be there she the school call, So he really did want to be involved. I wanted to be because they're used to seeing a woman there. You know. The great thing about our family is will will inter racial family, you know, so Lea looks primarily like a young black lady. So when she was growing up, I knew how she would get treated in school. If you know, your dad wasn't present, and we would always get where you have a dad? Was that your dad? Who is that? So any issues in school I would confront and deal with. So, for example, um, I never wanted her to be afraid of me. So we were standing on the stairwell in our house in Texas and I said, Leah, are you afraid of me? And she would put her hand around my neck and she said, oh, no, you know, but to the rest of the world, I'm the scary guy. You never see. I'm the big dad. I'm the mean person. Daddy. Who is that your dad? What is he doing here? Well, whenever things came up at school, she would come home, and she didn't. She didn't cause a lot of problems as who but when things happened, she would come and we would have a conversation with her first to get her side of the story before I'm gonna take a stranger side of the story. And the next morning I was at school with her. So now you have to deal with that fear that you have of that black man that oh who is that? That's late as dad, And I wasn't up there trying to cause commotion. I just want her to know that she's protected, that someone is there. They're gonna be an advocate for her, and if she did wrong, then we will address that. But if someone if she wasn't getting a fair shake or you know, being her opinion or her situation wasn't being heard, then here's your dad to make sure you're gonna be okay. Well, that is such an impressive explanation of advocating for your child. It really is a wonderful way to make sure that your child doesn't feel that fear. But but I just have to ask the other side of this. Now, you talked Gina, you talked about discipline, and I mean, I've raised three kids and while you don't want them to be afraid of the world, at some point when you're trying to show them a way to go, they do have to understand the consequences. I mean, how did you talk with her about consequences? I mean unless she never let me guess, she never did anything in her entire life in which there was ever any need to talk to No. No, I think it's just being you know, very transparent with her. If you do this, then this will be the consequence. So it wasn't. It was just being honest with her and trying to keep her grounded. So like, for example, if there was like she had in kindergarten, you know, they tried to accuse her of like she they she had a pencil she was writing on the playground and they said that she was what did the vandalizing the school. Oh my goodness, she was vandalizing on school grounds. And so the kindergarten teacher called me when I'm picking her up from after school care and said, I just want to let you know she got a red on her folder today A and I just want to let you know before you pick her up. She's pretty upset about it. And she was vandalizing. So I go to pick her up and it's written all over her face. I mean it was, you know. So I have to take a deep breath approaching this and saying the same thing of I know Leia the most. You know, she's our child, So let me listen to what Leiah has to say and exactly what happened, and allow her to speak up and tell her side of the story before just assuming just that the teacher is right. So just starting out early and communicating with your child and speaking with them and having that trust level with your child for them to be able to feel comfortable to talk to you instead of going ahead and reprimanding them just because the teacher said so, or just because there was a red on her on her folder. That would be just one example, but as as she grew up and even getting into the business, it was the same thing, approaching it in an honest way. If she didn't get something when she wanted it, then explaining to her or maybe you need to work on, you know, your skills as as an actor, and if you work on it, you know, and continue to practice, then it will get better the next class. So it's always kind of explaining to her. It's going to be a process, and just continue to trust that and continue to go after it. Can I say something about the situation being a being the black guy here? It was it was the wording that they said when they set the note home that day. It was the wording. It was she bandalized the school. But she doesn't even right on the walls at home. And then you sent her to the office, so she's going to a place that she doesn't go to. She's talking to a lady that's the head of the school. So now she's afraid. Now you're sending a note home to her parents, she's afraid. Okay, guess what. Let's find out what happened, and I'm going to go to the school tomorrow and we're gonna try to get to the bottom of this, because I can't have her feeling that way that if she sees her principal, she's going to be afraid because the prencipal might bring that up. Or she goes to class tomorrow and the teacher's looking at her differently. It's traumatizing. That's traumatizing for her. So Okay, I'm gonna go and we're gonna make sure that Okay, what did she do? Show me exactly what did she do? And did the punishment fit the crime. Oh, she took a pencil and she wrote on the playground, on a on a concrete on the playground. Come on, you're you're writing it a little too strongly and it's affecting her now. So I want to just add on to that as well, they were both saying, because I do think it was a learning experience. When I was younger, you know, I had felt I mean I was five, six seven at this time, but I had known that, like one, I didn't want to disappoint my parents, you know. I it was rare for my father to get extremely mad at me, and even for my mom. It was rare for her even like yell at me or spank me anything like that. And in the back of my head growing up, I was like, I never want them to react that way if I were to do something bad, you know, And then it leads into like, okay, then we can have open communication and open dialogue, but at the time it was more and I'm not trying to speak for them at all, but I think trying to understand how I would react as a child when things like this occurred because there were moments in my growing up where it wasn't always open communication and we did have to kind of like I remember the way that I reacted to being put in a corner, you know, and being like, Okay, stay there because I dropped a drink on the floor. You know, I was like, in the back of my head at six years old, I'm like, I never want to do that again. You know, now we can sit here and be like, okay. Well, having open dialogue and communicating has been the best thing for me and growing up that's been the best decision that my parents have made, and how I felt so come able to talk to them, But before it did feel like a learning experience, especially in regular school when I was that age. You know, it sounds like your parents from their own childhood were really focused on being empathetic. There was a lot of empathy for you, and I love the fact that they really when there was a situation, we're really trying to look at it through your perspective. And so again that advocating for your child to be able to take a deep breath step away from the sort of trauma of oh my gosh, some you know something is wrong to just say, Okay, how is my child experiencing that? I mean that is that that's a wonderful empathy. That is impressive and is something that parents should really trying to strive for. But also it sounds as if over the course of your young life there was sort of a trust that was built since you knew they were going to be there for you, and you knew you didn't want to have to make them be there for you. I mean, you knew they would come and support you, but you also knew it was probably if you could avoid doing the things that would make them come, that everybody would be happy. So so yeah, no, I like, I like that. I mean I I similarly try. I was not nearly as empathetic as as as you were, Gina and Kevin I in my child raising, I will confess, but but I did very much an advocate for all my kids, and I really did like the kind of rational approach like this is not a good thing to do. Don't do that. If you do that, their consequences. So, like, I just want to follow up on this because you have talked in interviews about the fearlessness that your father wanted you to have. Did you feel did you kind of grow into a perspective of being fearless. You talked about how sort of auditions and things didn't rattle you as as much because you did have this feeling. Was this always the case? So did you evolve in overtime? Did you feel that or? I think in my experience, I had just my parents had fueled me so much as a child, as we were talking about before, like going to elementary school and having my dad come for donuts for dads, or like reading to the class meant everything to me. And for my mom to drop off Chick fil A for lunch and to just like sit in the cafeteria with me for twenty minutes, that was all I needed, you know. And even when I did things like cheerleading, I was a short and like a bit chubbier kid, and there were comments that they would make when I was cheerleading, But my dad he bought like all the cheerleading outfits for the entire team. They came to all of my like cheerleading games, all those things. So I had that confidence from a very young age and it stayed that way up until I think it started changing and like I became conscious of what I was doing when I hit around ten or eleven years old, definitely like middle school age. So I think in my life it's kind of reverse in instead of me being like a shy kid or having stage right and coming out of my shell, it's been Oh. I started out at the gate with no fear, like, with just having the most fun. When I was singing and dancing performing, I was like a total ham And then once I got in the ring and I was auditioning, and it became very serious, you know, and I had to experience rejection at a very young age. That's when myself, I think I started to put pressure on myself that came more internally the externally. And for the past few years and even now, it's been a journey of just keeping in touch with that seven year old kid you know who won the talent show, you know, always going back to how she felt in that moment, as opposed to letting casting directors or stage moms or even kids who are my age who are considered quote unquote competition, you know, affect my psyche or my mental That's something they always put a They were always conscious of my parents, especially as I got older, when I hit middle school around the age twelve and thirteen, was like, how are you doing mentally? Let's take mental breaks, you know, and let's just have you be a normal kid. So in my life it's been a little reverse where I've had to rEFInd that confidence in that motivation internally. So wow, that's that's that's so well said. And what that tells me though, for Gina and Kevin and parents everywhere, is that how important it is to start young because you have that to go back to. I mean, you can draw on that and that's your core. So I am delighted that you think about how to go back to that seven year old because that's that's what we all hope for. That you know, you pour that stuff and when you're young, and then it comes back to serve you when you get older. We'll be right back after these messages. Welcome back to the show. I want to go. I want to talk about rejection because that really is an important part of your work unfortunately. But before that, I just want to ask a general question about your talent. And this is a question for all three of you. So did Leah just sort of wake up one day when she was really little and say oh my gosh, I want to be an actress actor or did you guys see in her this sort of performance ability? I mean, how did it work out that she went in this direction? Well, I'll started off she we wanted her to try everything. Hey, you want to try you want to try cheer leading, you know, but we paid attention to her and she was like, she really took it seriously and she wanted to learn things. So that led to from cheer leading, we got she came home one day and said, hey, I want to take dancing lessons. So like, okay, she's taking dancing lessons and she's really good at dancing. So dancing led to singing singing. Hey, daddy, I want to sing? Can we take singing lesson? Mommy? Can you find a place where led to take singing lessons? She gets in there and she does singing lessons. Well, if you want to be a good singer, you're gonna have to practice at home. So she was she was she's really good, Like she's kinda just about everything she does. And I'm not trying to brag about it, but she is. I knew as a mom because I was, you know, I was physically I was ice skating and was so disciplined with it, and I saw how that affected my mental state. I wanted to encourage her. If she wanted to ice skate, great, but I wasn't going to push her into something because I had seen parents and my amateur career do that to kids. So I knew I wanted to support her in something. It didn't matter what it was. And if it ended up being ice gatting, great, if it ended up being a sport, great, but it wasn't gonna be I was not going to make her do anything she didn't want to do. Her brain developed. We knew her brain developed quickly because kids absorbed everything, especially and then as she got into the singing and the dancing, she would going to these uh the lessons, and the lady was like, hey, she's really good, She's naturally good. So we would go to guitar center and buy the equipment for her to have at home, so we will let her tribe she wants to do acting, we would act advice from the acting coach and say buy her camera and let her get used to being in front the camera. So we tried to always provide that support. I think I think Carol the beauty of it was that she was able to try those different things. I think once we got out here to l A, we noticed from meeting other parents and other kids that they had been in it very early on and didn't have that normal type of life where they were actually able to try different things. So by the time Leiah wanted to take up acting, she came to us and said she wanted to act as opposed to us, you know, doing it while she was in you know one or two and doing you know, modeling first and those kind of things. I mean, not that that's a bad process, it's just that I think that that helped her with her career because she was able to do cheerleading, gymnastics, dance, singing, and then acting and she was she dabbled in it, you know, and that allowed her to be like a normal kid, and it grounded her to get to this point whereas she doesn't have to feel like she missed out on why didn't I try cheerleading? Back? Why didn't I try? And yeah, she was still young, but she we have memories where she was there for at least six to eight months. Same thing with dance, you know, at least at least a year of comprehending those moments in time where she was able to incorporate that into doing that in her audition should an audition come up. And and we here from a lot of friends and even current actors that living just your normal life and trying different things helps with your acting and your abilities because it's just you're normal, you can actually do things. And I think that that helped her along the way. Absolutely. I can only imagine it because you, I mean, yes, you growing on much broader experiences to be able to act, So that that makes a lot of good sense. So let me ask the parents, Gina and Kevin, we've heard latest perspective on the rejection thing. How did you all approach helping her sort of roll with it? Or? I mean, you guys think she's the best thing since slight Bread, and I agree, But I mean there's going to be casting directors who won't. So how did you how did you help her cope with this? And how did you guys cope with this? I don't think I dealt with it well at all. I'm gonna I'm just speaking pretty raw and real about that. Especially early on. I just did not want her feelings to be hurt, you know. But I think after Kevin and I would communicate just about parenting about you know, just our approach was, let's go ahead and tell her now that either she didn't book it and allow her to cry that out, and not only having that moment emotionally with her, but explaining why and what she could do to get better. Well, also, I think it goes back to everything is driven off of behavior. Right, how are you going to react to this? And we want to make sure your self esteem was always there. Listen, if you want to get in this business, this is part of the process of getting into this business, but this is also part of life too. You're not going to be accepted everywhere. Look, you're going on a job interview three or four times a day. Okay, Now, let's look at this from from a psychological perspective and a behavior issue. They're bringing you in, Well, what are the casting directors telling you? Tell us about the audition, how is that process? And now we're started seeing that these casting the wrectors actually like you. It's just a matter of time before what happens for you. So we always wanted to kind of reinforce that positive attitude listen, this is the process. We're in a marathon now to spread. Just take your time, be patient, Let's help you get better. Okay. You know you didn't come to us and say, hey, I want to go to California. We didn't say hey, let's go to call for you because we want to put out door in a show business. We love Texas, but we honestly truly believed in her and we explained it to us. And Honey, this is part of it. Go ahead and cry, but I want to make sure you're mentally okay. Are you mentally okay? Do you want to stop? No? I said, okay, now get better and go back in there. And Mom was the same way. And sometimes she has to lift me up. I have to lift her, but I have to remind each other, like, hey, this is just part of the process of doing this, and it's really just about being supportive. When she comes out of the audition room, she gets to see us. On top of that, it's like it didn't feel like they were putting any pressure on me to do this in an audition or do that in an audition. Truly, when I was eight years old, nine years old, ten years old, like it felt fun like. It was just it didn't feel like if I were not to book the part that that was the end of the world. You know, I would go to my parents and be like, all right, let's go to dinner. We were you know, like it became just as opposed to them putting that pressure on a roll or on certain jobs and then me having that pressure on and I'm putting that onto myself. I knew and like I've said before, like if I were to have the worst audition of my life, I know that I could come out the room and my parents would be there ready to hug me, ready to come for me, and they would support going back to the drawing board and trying to help me figure out how I can do it better again the next time, because I wanted to. You know, it never felt forced or it was like the the end all be all at the end of the day. All me and Gina and she can agree, we just want to see a smile on her face. We want to see the same layer that walked into that that room, uh, that comes out and the same layer that goes to bed happy at night and wakes up very happy in the morning. Yeah. Right, that's when you realize like them coming to the and like confronting my teachers if I got a bad report card or read on my tab. You know. Not having that fear of adults helped me. Even going into those audition rooms where you're a child and you're performing in front of these producers or casting directors or you're doing interviews, and there everything feels so strategic, you know. But I felt comfortable because I knew I had adults in my corner and my parents like right outside the road, you know, and if anything where to go down, I know they're here, you know, and and they will say something if need to be. So I had that that comfort and protection and that backbone that I still have and I'm grateful to to have. Wow, this has been such a great example. I was going to ask more questions about sort of the parenting approach, but you have just described it so beautifully that I'm going to actually pivot. It's one other thing I really want to talk to you out. Like you have talked about learning about how both your black side and your Filipino side have helped you become comfortable with who you are. Can you talk about how you came to learn about both sides, and it was it whether sort of history lessons involved or was it just sort of a comfort level that you achieved. Yeah, as you said that earlier. My grandparents they immigrated from the Philippines to America and the seventies, I believe. And then for my dad, the black side of my family, who lives in South Carolina, you know, after slavery, they migrated and they've stayed in Camden, South Carolina for their whole lives. Yeah, And because they're so close together, these North Carolina and South Carolina, growing up, I got to spend so much time around both sides of my family. And I'm sure that was intentional, but at the time when I was like five and six, it just felt like home. You know. I would go to North Carolina for the summer is and I would stay with my grandparents and WE'DI longa Nissa and Lumpia and buda, you know, and I would grow Okay, and that is so is like a sweet Filipino sausage. And then panda al It's basically just a nice buttered rolls, but a very fancy name for one. And then uh Lupia is the egg rolls and they have it's like a spring roll with you could put meat or vegetables in it. But again, very nice and beautiful names for those foods. But all my cousins are also mixed rates. You know, my closest cousins, they're mixed with white and Filipino. So our experience, we got to grow up as mixed girls and mixed kids. And then also for a point in the summer, I would hang out with my dad's side of the family, and I mean I would be with them, I would sleep over at their houses for like maybe two or three nights, and then I would go right back up to my Filipino family in North Carolina. So I was really lucky at a very young age to experience both sides, even if I didn't fully grasp or understand what that would mean for me understanding who I was later on. I also grew up in very diverse schools, so if anything, growing up, I felt as if I was having almost an identity crisis, like I had to I had to figure out who I was and what that meant. And again, as I said, when you're younger, you don't fully realize who you are as a person. But being an actress, going into these audition rooms, even getting a manager or an agent, they will put you in a category or in a box in a heartbeat. And at nine years old, my manager said, oh, well, I have a little black girl in here. You know, little comments like that are like, okay, well that's how I supposedly identify, that's who I am. You know, same thing when you go into audition rooms and you look around the room and you're the only black girl in that audition room. I'm seeing all that with my very young, fresh eyes, and inside I'm wondering, like, why am I the only black girl at these auditions? Why is that the case that opens up conversations for me to have with my father about like what it means to actually be a black girl in audition for these type of roles where I'm the only one representing my drib you know, or people in those certain spaces, and also the need for that on TV or in shows or in this industry. So I was in touch with my black side for sure, earlier than I was with my Filipino side that I'm still learning about. You know, as Dad said earlier, you walk through the world and you look at me, and I am a black girl, and it's like shown. You can see it in my skin tone, you can see it in my hair, you can see what the person I am, the parents I have. You know, it takes a minute for people to ask or wonder if I am mixed with anything my mom who she wasn't raised ston or in the Philippines. That's something that we get to experience and learn together. I've been very lucky because now even have my grandma part of the mix. So I'm over here asking her all the questions I possibly can about how she grew up because that's helping me know who I am as well. So me too, and me too hero. You know, being raised in Charlotte for most of my life the same thing. And so Leiah literally started asking me more questions about my own culture. I was lost in that because I had become so Americanized, so you know, I didn't know the native language. And instead of approaching it like I'm so sorry, I don't know, it's more of let's learn together. And I think that's brought us closer to be able to learn about the Filipino culture. And we've been tried to embrace it as much as we can, and you know, like she said, my mom is here with us, and I'm learning more about my mom. She worked as a nurse for most of her life and she worked third ships. So I'm learning with Leiah like the type of person my mom is. So it's a fun thing that we get to do together, and it allows her to, you know, understand where she comes from, and that allows her again to be that understanding and confidence feels even stronger now. And I remember I used to think that I had to like fit some sort of box. I mean, hey, if you even are checking off the boxes and when they ask you even in auditions like are you black? Are you white? Are you Asian or Mexican or Latino? Right, and you just put like other because you're mixed, you know. And I would usually I would think to myself when I was younger, like no, I need to like you gotta choose. I gotta yeah, choose or just like put myself into a box or a category. But it's so beautiful that I've been able to be raised with both sides and also now even get to learn more about my Filipino side, and it makes me feel more like a well rounded person um and like an individual and it's what makes me me. So I'm appreciative, I'll say us. So, she's the first girl in my immediate family in thirty one years. We had all boys. So she came along about five months prior to my before my mom passed. So my mom always wanted a little girl. But she she's been able to bring so much love. She's I mean, I've heard my uncle say I love you. I'm hearing that word spread through my family. What she's able to bring in the house, she's able to kind of have brought us together as a as two you know, totally different families, um Filipinos and and and African Americans. And it's been really a great thing. And I'm not putting all that on her. Was it was there. I think it just she helped us bring it out. She brings out the best of me, and she brings out the best Gina families and both of our families. And that's how you get layap, you know. And then you have her being her individual self too. Boy. I mean, you guys are just consistently demonstrating things that I always talked about on this podcast, and this in this instance, this knowledge of family history. I mean, I grand control. Parenting were all about building confident children, and part of pouring in the confidence is helping them know where they came from. This is a wonderful example of Leah being feeling confident in these two families, which, as you guys have said, weren't necessarily gonna come together on their own. I mean that you have bantaged to, but but it was. It's like a two way street because you've enabled her to feel comfortable and have information about both sides of the family, which strengthens her and gives her sort of a better grounding who she is. And in return, in so doing, you've had to sort of open yourself, your families have had to open themselves a little bit to to bring her in, and that's made it better for everyone. So boy, kudos to you guys. I mean, this is like I talked about this a little time, but it's really exciting to see it in action. So, as I said, I have so many more things I'd love to talk with you about, but I'm going to wrap it up here. And so I wanted something that I do with all of my guests, and that is play the lightning round. So I have I have just a few questions and it's really quick, just whatever comes to mind. So are you guys ready for the letting it? Okay? So I want you all to confer and come up with a favorite poem or saying we yeah, we all used to go before I had a performance. We just go the poem that that I like. And because I pledged um Alpha, I gave her a poem called If by Rudyard Kipling. And because sometimes the chaos that goes on in our life, especially with her and this this business, and as better as good as she gets, I said, Leah, read the poem and just slow down, just slow down, taking deep breath. And a lot of hers sus says I have to make came from me pledge in Alpha five Alfa back in that's South Carolina state. It had it grounded me and it proved to me that hey, you can go. There's a process here to this thing called life. And so that would be one that's a good one. Yeah, No, I love I mean if you could keep your head but all around you or what is it losing theirs and blaming on you? That's such a great opening line for that home. So yes, I do love IF. Good choice, Okay, second question, your favorite two children? Oh, my goodness, the full Ferdinand. Oh, yes, Ferd my favorite? Uh. I loved Who Let the Pigeon Drive the bus? That is? I think the one that I liked was The Moon in My Room because actually had a mood in the room in my room. Yes up, Oh those are great. I collect all of those because I think parents can always use good books to read. So thank you for that. Okay, just a couple of more questions. So Gina and Kevin, Now I don't tell it sounds like you don't have too many of these, but if you could think of one parenting moment that you would love to do over, I mean it could be a funny way. I don't mean anything traumatic. But if there's anything that if you could go back in time, if you could do it over again, a parenting moment I can do over again. We were I was pushing her on a little, uh the court one day and we were going fast, and the court went went away and she went to other She skipped up her nose and I wanted it. I felt so whatever for those that first year. I don't think I let him live that one down. Even to this day, I give her three kisses. I kiss on both cheeks and I kiss on the nose. My mine was I was late to teach A Yeah, I wish I could have done this over again, but just my my patients got the best of me that day. And I was running late for teaching in aerobuts class and she had her foot on the door, just kind of holding the door in our driveway. Um, there's a little hill, and I was rushing and I closed the door on her foot and she was crying. So I got more late just because I had hurt her. So if I would have just like one, gotten ready earlier and then not kind of blamed her for being late, I would want to do that over again. Well, it's very telling that in both instances. I mean, you look fine, fine, looks like your foot's okay. So I still got the s okay. So two more one is okay. Here's the flip side of that. Give me a moment when you both knew that you nailed it as parents, like you got it done. I have one for me individually though as a mom it just happened, probably that first season of Equalizer in in the journey like that we've we've taken together because I think just out of some of my childhood experiences into my adulthood and hearing Lea say, Mom, if you could only see what I see just trying to help uplift me, that was a moment that I was like, Okay, I really did something with this kid. She's telling me what to do to better myself. So that's a big moment for me. UM. I think. UM. The other night, she was out with her friends and we gave her a curfew and she's learning time management and we get that. And she was on our way home and she called and she said, I have a situation. So my heart dropped all the way out of my body was literally pumping beside it. I'm saying, okay, what's wrong? She said, the cops have shut the traffic down and I'm gonna be a little bit late. And I said, you know what, I appreciate you taking the time and calling and letting us know that. It just shows that you're you're responsible and off to at least be proactive and not have you know and let us know where you at. And I thought that was pretty I thought that was pretty good, pretty pretty big thing. That was pretty big. Absolutely and then Finally, the last question is for you, Leilah, give me a moment where your parents really got it right, the moments where I'll say something I did have a I turned eighteen on June twenty two, and this was my first birthday on set, and like we were working overnight, like it was really a tough shoot, and my birthday fell on a Wednesday, and they had found a way to surprise me with putting up a picture collage on my dressing room door and singing Happy Birthday. They got like the whole cast, and like people who weren't working that day to show up without my knowledge, and just those little details, even writing sweet letters to me that day, and even regularly. I remember going to school and my mom would put little lunch letters that I would open when I would eat my lunch. Little things like that mean the world to me. And every time they do things like that, I always think to myself, Wow, I'm very lucky to have parents like them. So wow, well I can certainly second that you certainly are, and they're lucky to have a daughter like you. And so I thank you guys so much for sharing all of this with us. It's it's sort of wonderful to hear and really helpful to parents out there to just see how people can really get it right. So thank you guys so much. I'm so happy we could do this. Wonderful. Yeah, it's great. Thank you. I hope everyone listening enjoyed this conversation and that you'll come back for more. Please rate, review, and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and tell your friends. For more parenting info and advice, please check out the Ground Control Parenting blog at ground Control parenting dot com. You can also find us on Instagram and Facebook at ground can Roal Parenting and on LinkedIn under Carol Sutton Lewis. The Ground Control Parenting with Carol Sutton Lewis podcast is a part of the Seneca Women Podcast Network in partnership with I Heartmedia. Until the next time, take care and thanks for listening.