Welcome to Go Ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. I don't think that there's some one soul mate. It's not like there's one. Although bon Jovi is my soul mate, there's always exceptions. Are you saying that gossiping is the same as if I'm picking mice out of your scalp and eating it? Well, you've done both, So what do you think? I want to give her too much? I don't like her to come in with an inflated head, so we won't mentioned the Golden Globe. After all we've been through, we deserve an orgasm. Cis I deserve? Welcome to Go, ask Allie. I'm Alli Wentworth. In this season, I'm digging into everything I can get my hands on, peeling back to layers and getting dirty. It's the last episode of Very Special, and so I thought I close it out with a listener question. Ali. My name is Olivia. Me and my husband have a fourteen year old boy and a fifteen year old girl. Both want to start quote unquote dating. How did you and your husband handle dating with your kids? Help one nervous mama, Oh my god? Dating well? Dating at fourteen and fifteen, I think is fine. I think they're old enough to ask somebody out and go to the movies or go out for a happy meal or whatever that means. But I think in terms of asking somebody for a kind of romantic rendezvous is totally fine. I think it's very sweet that they actually want to date rather than just like each other on Instagram or just hook up at a party. So don't be nervous, be good listeners and be good advisors. Ask them where they're going, see if they need to borrow some money, and encourage it, but also encourage a dialogue with them about it. Oh hell, it's the end of the year. Let's do another one. Hi, Ali, love your podcast. My fiance has an ex who he crosses past with because of work when we go to Christmas parties or work dinners, etcetera. There she is. I don't worry about any remaining feelings between them, but it bothers me for some reason. What advice do you have to help me navigate this? Oh, that's a really tough one because I'm kind of a jealous person and I love drama, so I would probably I would probably use it. But um, that's not a mature thing to do. So this is what I would say. I think a lot of times people need to confront their fears and their insecurities. And so if for some reason this woman makes you feel insecure or bothers you, then the first thing I would do when I go into a Christmas party or somewhere where I see her is just be line right up to her and say, hey, Hi, how are you doing? Because that sort of dissipates all the drama around it. So if you act like it's all okay, everyone else is going to feel like it's all okay. These are just little ghosts from the past. And if you show that you're totally fine with it, even if you have to act a little bit, everyone else will be too, and it just it'll be a non issue. Okay. So it's the end of one year and the beginning of another. It has been a ship storm the past few years, and I think we could all use a little sprinkle of optimism in our life. And when I was thinking about optimism, the first person that came to my mind was Michael J. Fox. He's somebody who has struggled with alcoholism with Parkinson's and yet he can crack a joke like nobody else. He is the most spirited, happy, full of love, engaged person I've ever met, and actually wrote a book about optimism. I know Michael J. Fox and have known him for many, many years because he actually has played my husband, George Stephanopolis in um in many movies and TV shows like The American President and Spen City, which was based on George, and since then we have become great friends with him and his wife Tracy, and our families have gone on family trips together. And he is the person that when I'm around I feel all warm and fuzzy. I just love him. Michael J. Fox is a multi award winning actor, author, and activist. His latest book, No Time Like the Future and Optimists Considers Mortality was released last November. As an actor, he rose to fame as Alex P. Keaton on the hit TV show Family Ties and then as the star of the Back to the Future movie franchise. He was diagnosed with young onset Parkinson's disease in when he was twenty nine. In two thousand, he started the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research, which The New York Times is called the most credible voice on Parkinson's re search in the world today. The Foundation is the largest nonprofit funder of Parkinson's drug development and research, and I believe they have raised over one billion dollars in Parkinson's research. So, Mike, I'm saying in full disclosure that you are like family to us, and so I might be bringing up things that have happened on family trips or at dinner or in private scenarios. So I'm just letting our listeners know that is why I quit drinking. Yourself, You don't know what that many deep stories. No, You're going to tell some of the good stories. Because one of the things I'm kind of digging into this season is the idea of optimism, and you are Mr Optimism. In fact, your latest book, No Time Like the Future and Optimists Considers Mortality is a very optimistic look at life during an incredibly pessimistic time. How the hell would you write a book during a pandemic? It was really interesting, Uh, it was, it was. It was. It was challenging because because it was very personal book and a very introspective book. It was it was a book of me challenging my an optimism in the sense that I had a series of bad things happened, and I had frontal surgery which left me somewhat quasi paralyzed in some areas from much my legs, my arms, and then I fell in shattered my humorousity bad, It's bad all the way around. So it was who might tell people to be optimistic when I was laying on a floorward and for an anmulous to come in Christ in the world. And and then I went through this journey of I say, I'm h screwmaking lemon eight at Elemons, I'm out of elemon ad business. I'm not I can't do this anymore. I can't represent And then went from that too to to kind of dropping it all and just venging out for a while what you needed to do, watching game shows on cable collision and and then I started to look around me and see things that was grateful for inspired by everything anas and I start to see acts of gratitude promote the people. And I just thought about this ticket puzzle, and I said, how do how do I how do I blend this reality but this optimism with with what I see in the world. And I came with this this formula with gratitude. Optimism is sustainable if you can find gratitude and if you find something to be grateful in anything, just whatever, Like like I'm grateful that they have vegan cheese at at the deli. Yeah, it just it'll give me shoo the give us the afternoon, all right, um uh. And in bigger, more important issues, um and no loss, if I can find so many grateful in that loss. I always say that the partners is a gift, and people challenge that and laugh at that, and I said, it's a gift that keeps untaking. But it's a gift, and and and and and I can see it that way. I was thinking about, was it when you shattered your arm? Yeah, yeah, twenty team was my I didn't no idea coming team was my worst year. But that was kind of like, so was kind of your breaking point? You said, Yeah, you're lying on the floor with the shattered arm. And I was thinking about that moment and how you know, you were swearing like you said the amulants was coming. You were beating yourself up because you had been very stubborn about being alone. You didn't need anybody to be in the house. And I was thinking about an Oscar Wild quote that says, the basis of optimism is sheer terror. You think that they're straight to that, well you look at the alternative and and they they're not good like you optimistic or right. It's think about optimism. It is it is. It is like for me, you like, give up if if I can't find some way to go forward a family, something that that reward not in anything I deserve, not anything, but just just just my my belief. It just just the stuff is gonna work out, and and and if I don't believe that, and I hadn't gonna go forward with my amount of stuff. This is interesting because I want to start with your career because I can't imagine that you were cynical back in the earlier days of your career. Were you, I mean, when you were doing Back to the Future, I mean you were a global superstar. Were you an optimist then or were you kind of more jaded? And even before that, I was, I was okay, keep going up in Canada than Burnaby, which is kind of Brooklyn in Vancouver, and hung out with the guys and lacting at school, and I started just lacking for afationally and played bands. I mean, everyone's gonna get a union card and work down the doctor. We're gonna timber industry like that's what all my friends are gonna do. And I was gonna do that, so I mean, I couldn't do that. I would would physically be able to do it, will be able to stand the boordom of it. So I got into acting, and when I first had an opportunity to do an American production, immediately knew. When I did it, I said, this is my ticket out. So it's just it's gonna work for me, and it did. I made friends with the producers and that Gasting people, and they hooked me up in the States with an agent and came down the States. And so my active coming in to the States and the eight team to have me dropped out of high school and everything you're not supposed to do, I mean, uh, cutionary till they didn't happen, but we're we're said up to be a real coutionary account um, And and that worked out. I remember being down on my first set and looking around and saying, all these factors might make it, but I am gonna make it. So I like my eyes best right and and and then and then started take jobs. And then then it was a period of time like two years where I didn't get any job and I was eat playing rat MACARONI is deack in the Landlord and I owe the I arrest a lot of money, and then I was so it was really bleak. My brother actually offered me a job on this construction side, picking up nails and and so it goes right back to what I was feared in the first place, and and then in the after family times, So so how do I come out of that? And I'd be optimistic. Yeah, it just it just it just a belief in the fairness. I mean, no, I don't need breaks, and I just hope that when I put into it, I'll get out of it. And that's always work for me. And then you remember remembering your question. Yeah, back back to the future, family sized, back to the future. We're just too again. Lightning strikes. It just impossible to to to to calculate for, to prepare for. And what happened and in that mix was where I met Tracy, and she saved me from from a place where where it was beyond optimism to uh, what's the word for being a deck b Yeah, I go here and go there. I can meet the king of this and the queen of that. And and Tracy Kenneth came to my life this appointment that was being really bad, and in this brief time we were together because we she did the show for like five five episodes, episode and and and and then went back to her life in New York as a theater actors. But before she left, she kind of told me in this kind of interesting way that I was saying for a phone and I had never thought about it that way. I thought it was all great, keep going like that forever, and I deserved it. And then she straighted me out. Well. And also, when you were twenty nine years old, you found out you had Parkinson's that changes the dial. Yeah, that was when we got married. Yeah, that's which is things. I mean tell me about I know that that you reacted by drinking and and sort of trying to numb the brain. But I mean, how are you optimistic in that period or were you not? Were you just sort of circling the drain? I wasn't. That was dark. I always were the party guy and I always drank beers about score and so what happened was when I when I was diagnosed, it just turned into defended drinking. It no one celebratory drinking. It was medicinal drinking and drinking to to try to fix things, and of course it wouldn't fix anything. And and the trace you have been so accepting of this diagnosis until uh, assuring and and and comforting. And so she was the optimist. She was optimist, but I don't know the Tracy would describe herself a NOTHIMS optimists even now. She's more complicated than that. But she she was willing to go for it. She was willing to to to to go through agether and to see what it was and the experience it together and then and carry on with their lives. I didn't believe that. I didn't believe that I could do that. And I know it was coming. I didn't know. No one could tell me what was going to happen. They said, you have this thing, But at the time of the twitchy pinky and a sore shoulder, it wasn't things I deal with now, which I deal with now much more easily than the dealt with a twitchy pinky so shoulder. I mean, I can't walk and then and I'm okay, I mean a shady spot and put a TV on and I'm okay. Um. But then it was it was really tough. So I started drinking a lot. I started drinking, hiding liquor and and and it really had and that was untenable. That lasted for about a year and then and they hit sober and that was a nice fight in the closet getting sober. So that was also not not a comfortable period. It didn't just like you, you drinking fit in your marriage and then you quit drinking. Your marriage is great. Yeah, Well, what did Tracey say to you when you were lying on the couch? Which is one of my favorite things. It's a classic moment. I was, I mean, I'm drinking until about five in the morning. Came back right down in the catch open a course collboy, which I spilled over at some point in my passing out. And it was hot and sweaty, and my son, Sam was a two or three, was crawling all over me, and and when I comes on, I was kind of not violently pushing him off, but but just kind of scooge from from climbing in my head. It's hurt and and then I helped my eyes a little bit, and I saw Tracy's feet and I knew I wasn't do a sow pan up to her face. When I had to face, she was gonna be really angry. And I did the sw pan up and face and I had the face and she was just bored. He was bored, and and and and and uh. And then she said to me, is that's what you want? Because she's nailed that line, and it just chills down my spine. And I don't think that I want you. I want I just I don't want Sam. I wanna and I can just hit me. But she went to the theater to to do a play, and I was gonna meet her in Connecticut. So oh, my drive up to Connecian, I'm thinking about what we're gonna say to her. But why wasn't out late? What happened? When the excuses and the stories and lies and and then I got on the phone and there stand I said was if you know somebody in the program, I'll go to meeting now. And she knows Sincere and she she had to know somebody she was working with who picked me up and took me to a meeting and then having an a drinks. Wow's point nine years. That's amazing. That's really amazing. And I have to say, for the people listening to this podcast, if you could see Mike's face when Tracy enters the room, it is like it's the same feeling you get when the food comes out of the kitchen and it's heading towards your table. He just like he lights up. And it's usually those two things happen at the same time. Yeah, because she's an amazing cook. You have to get to his great food and looks fantastic and it's time for a short break. Okay, let's get back to it. So you're married to Tracy, you have Sam, and then you have twin girls, and then another girl after that. So now you have a family, which is an optimistic thing in itself, having a family, the twins. That was really special was uh when Sam Sam was like h three four, when we were going through all this struggle and and during that time, I would say to her, have another baby, and she said, the nuts you're saying, you on the baby and dress yourself and and and so I yeah, you're right. So it was really cool. Sam was playing with his cousins. And she said, um, says a good big brother, and went, that's cool, and and and the baby was the twins, but we know it's twins. And we found out it was twins. It's such a mids fight. It was like like to me, of course, I went, this is a big wink that we did the right thing to wait and we gotta gott a quota of kids up to that point. But they just came a special way. Yeah, and they came because we were just the kids. We're getting older and we just started. It's just not an easy after you you're a little more noise. There needs to be an opinion at the table. So so, and that was as made she should was. She sure was. She's a smart girl with a lot to say. But when you're in this family dynamic, you lead by example in that family because had you decided to throw in the towel when the Parkinson's was getting worse or been bitter or I mean, you know more than anybody else with other people that have been diagnosed not only with Parkinson's, but some people literally and metaphorically take to the bed. And you have led the family by being game for everything and being an optimist, and I think that if you had a different reaction to your diagnosis, it would have it would have been very damaging to your family and you would have been a very sad group of people. Well, I don't think it was the exception of Sam. I don't think I have a family if I if I had made that adjustment early on, like when when I was going to through that stuff with Tracy and in the drinking and all that. Um but but well, like I'm going forward. If I teach my kids resilience and I teach them gratitude and I teach them optimism, I mean, it's not it's not hopefully not in a pedantic way. Not not not kind of here's the rules and happy life. I don't know those rules. I just to make them up. They go along. Um but um, I'm strilled to hear your ideas and it out to their concerns. And we talk about the pandemic. That was an amazing time because we're in our house and then the conversation springs up in and we sit around and have these big mules. Chancy was cooking and afterwards we sit at the table and then to talk about the pandemic and we talk about social problems. We're happening, social issues that were happening, and it was amazing there there were there were of what's going on right, there were there were the problems in the world. But they're still they're so positive, they're concerned. Yeah. I also think that you, like myself, you use humor a lot. I think that's part of being an optimist. I believe um is adding humor, and I think you make your kids laugh and you make your wife laugh, and that adds to it too. That gives it a flavor of cheer and positivity. I certainly try to implement that into my family as much as I can, especially you know, when the world is on fire, if you can find humor, it does help a little bit. I think the scariest thing in the world and somewhere without a sense of humor, Yeah, it just And you can tell me when you talk to somebody, can testam out with a little softball, look across the middle of the plate. It's a little funny thing, a little and if they don't react, you're going ship. Yeah, I've just spent with this guy. And then it's the same thing with anything that happens. I mean, my response is what's funny about this? What's funny about it? Something funny about it. I've had to go there first. And what's tragic about this? I mean I pounced back from that exactly if that was what's funny about it? And then and then it even works in the long runt because you know the classic algorithm tragedy plus time it cous comedy. Yeah, the Alda line from Crimes and Misdemeanors. I think it had a life beforehand. Yeah, but I like it when he says it. Um. Yeah. They also say a pessimist is always alone, an optimist is always two people away from a threesome. Um um. But I think humor is definitely part of an optimist. I mean, I married George for a plethora of reasons. But he's a great laugher. He's a great laugher. He doesn't have like a tight five that he could do with the chuckle hut, but he is. He's a great audience. You know, he gets the joke, which is part of it too. And sometimes I think when it feels a little bit like the world is circling the drain, and I don't mean just politically, it's nice to have a little bit of optimism around, because it would be easy to fall into a dark hole. Um. I was watching TV. I was noticing there more whales out on the beach and the water off the cooks the beach this summer than I had seen in a couple of summers, and I was wondering about that. And then I saw the saying a TV about the fact that because of the pandemic it was a shutdown in the amount of shipping that was going on. The splash and broken thought of China and coming in especially the cific well lest shipping and because of that, mading callege could be heard further out and there was a huge boost in the whale population. Wow, because because they're maning cause your feod with And I thought, how cool is that? And of course when when when pandemic and for all the sense and purposes with the industry went back down again. But that the kind of stuff will happen. Yeah, yeah, Well it's like the dolphins in the Venice Canals in Italy and yeah, the same thing. Yeah, but you actually look for those little kernels of hope they jump out of me. Yeah, well that's that's a good stuff. Yeah, I think it is a good stuff, and I think we need the good stuff always. What are your feelings about mortality these days? Because right at this moment in my life, something about my oldest child going away to college and having aging parents that really need me, and I'm having all kinds of issues with my mortality and thinking like I'm up next, and you know, I can get a little dark about it, but I try to be optimistic and think, well, I can wear big straw hats and grow tomatoes now. But how are you dealing with mortality? What are your thoughts. I'm married to a woman is gonna live to be out there in six Yes, who looks thirty? Her mother is that isn't in the street, I mean to say, but she runs three miles on the weekend. She's amazing. And my mom is ninety two. But it's just a flute because everybody asked my family die and in really range, So um, I don't have much hope to myself getting much best seven And then it's just really realistic about that. I'm hoping for the best. I'm signing up for another thirty, but I don't. This is what as I think about it, And then it kind of like death. At a certain point, I was run of my business. I do my best to set up my family to to have what they need, but I don't think about it too much, and I just soon I took over a to toothpaste and crack my hand in a toilet. I mean, I don't, I don't. I say, how this I know't mean to be dark, No it's not. I have to tell one story which I think is such a great example of your outlook on life, which is when we were in Africa and we were with our families, and we were in these tents. And for us, a tent is sort of a pain in the ass because when it when there's wind, it kind of flaps at night, and um, there's no paintings on the walls. But for you, it's for you having to get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom, falling over chairs and not being able to sett of yourself and leaning into the tarp and it almost pulling you down. You say it was like being in a bouncy house. But the point of me telling you this is because it is a Mike Fox story, because it is literally you probably having the worst time of your life, just trying to pee, and yet you conjure up this humorous image of a bounty house. But and that's that's just how I think of you. Any subject, you know, whether we're talking about politics or the pandemic or anything that seems dark and a hardship, you find a way to spin it so that it's still the reality of the situation, but it has this whiff of humor and optimism to it. Well, I think when I do, I think you do too. I mean, I keep thinking of this conversation, how much this blessed to you, a side of the illness or the affliction. But it's just the way you look at life, like I'm always trying to find something funny in or trying to find something to learn from it. Like on that trip we went over the day, we we kind of were on three sides of the tree and in the tree with the leopard eating a baby gazel or whatever. And then and then then I say, it started to rain, waited it out, and then we went see some elephants, probably the water hole as the sun was said, and I realized and then we get stuck in the mud. We couldn't get out. I thought, well, we're stuck here in the water hole. When when the killing hour starts, the leper is gonna come back, and he's up in it. I couldn't see him. I could see the last one. I couldn't see this one. And I realized that the lepers you can't see that you're afraid of. And and so it's just knowing that makes me feel better because I understand that. If I didn't understand, it was just some big feeling. And he said, like floating sense of doom. Um, maybe hard to take. Do you think it's a choice to be an optimist? I think so. I think you have to be. I think it's like Humorou's just the thing you go to early on, right, Um, because because I believe you give you a realist and an optimists at the same time. And that's what I am. I mean, I think the world it is and accept the truth of it, and then try to alter it and make it something else. And then then then it's denial. It is what it is, to take it on its own terms. But but then I can react to it however. I want to choose to react to it in a way that it doesn't give it a lot of weight and power on me. But that's I think why you are considered one of the most inspiring humans. I mean, of course because of your sense of humor and and how you look at the world, but also um, that you made a choice, especially during a dark time in your life, to stay on that optimistic path. Well, a lot of the other stuff we talked about it counts too. I mean, you started with the swashing, and like I said, I left school and it was reinforced by things that happened. They animate choices from further down the line with running Tracy, and that was reinforced by my kids in my family. It's the same thing that you want to get to that level. Then then it's a self feeding machine because your kids are on board with your program and they they look at things the way you do, at least it as long as they're talking to you about it. Then they know. My kids know where my hands are and your kids do too. And I love watching you with your kids. It's a load we have, so what's the same as mine, which is why we we worked so wealthy er in these trips, because one family folds into another. That's very true. Um, I want I want your optimism. My optimism is um. I think when I was young, I had to make a choice because I didn't come from horrible circumstances, but multiple divorces and I was sent away to school. I think, way too young, and I too decided to be an optimist because I thought the alternative wasn't as fun. And it's also a time when I found humor, and humor actually saved me. So it was a way to observe the world and you know, lifted up for myself and others instead of being sort of pulled down into the muck and mire of it. And then it's just a muscle that I strengthened over time and and you start to look at the world in a different way. And I've had a few tricky moments in my life. I was attacked by a gang once in l a and almost killed, and the optimism that came out of it was but I'm alive, but I ran away. But I'm here to tell the story. And obviously, with time I could make jokes about it. But I think when you persevere, it sort of gives you the fuel to have an even more optimistic view. And then I get you know, it just comes to this very simplistic thing where I just go for some reason, this firm hit this egg and made me, and the odds of that are insane. And so here I am. I'm going to enjoy my life, and I'm going to enjoy every decade of it, and I'm going to enjoy my marriage and my family and my friends in life, because at the end of the day, I'm just a little particle on an asteroid flying through space. So exactly, Yeah, just aspect respects and we'll be right back. Great, let's get back to it. I've been asking everybody the season to ask me a question. So is there a question you'd like to ask me? Michael J. Fox? Yeah, about to empty year with Mempanist. And I know your kid, your kids are always gonna come back. You know, they're always gonna come back at my kids rather than to come back, and they don't say the opportunity to go away and they be heard from again. What is it besides home cooking that they want? What do they get from me, you guys when they come home? Yeah, oh gosh, I think I think we I think we have created a cozy home. And what I mean by cozy is I think they come back to not only a roast chicken, but they come back to being seen and heard, and they come back to lots of physical affection and cuddling and movies. But I think the most important thing is that when they come home, we are genuinely interested in their life and what they have to say. We're big fans. Your kids are truth talent. I love your kids. Thank you, just say they say, like me see it. Yeah, they're fantastic. And and they asked him home for the chocklie cake. Chocolate cake is ki cast Your chocolate cake is unbelievable. I told Mike once, I said, try my chocolate cake. It's going to make you jump on the table and take a ship. And he almost did. I almost did. I had hold myself back. Cooper did it for me. I love you, Thank you. I love you too. So is he the kindest, most optimistic person you've ever heard? And actually, since we recorded this, Mike has fallen and broken something in his face and also broken his hand. And yet when I talked to him, what does he do? He cracks jokes. People like Michael J. Fox. They give me hope. I find optimism in them. So thank you. Michael j Fox for always showing me the silver lining. And other things that keep me optimistic are new babies being born, and new books being written, and new paintings being painted and new music being composed, and all the things that hit us not necessarily in the brain, but hit us in other ways. So keep getting involved in the arts because I think that they are the most uplifting optimistic thing we got going right now. And to wrap up this episode and this year, a couple of weeks ago, I went on social media and asked people to tell me what are some of the things that give you hope and how do you stay optimistic? And I got an amazing response. I also got a great response about my purple coat, so thank you for that, but really thank you to everybody who took him in it to share their story with me. I heard from people who credit optimism for getting them through the darkest of things divorce, abuse, addiction, homelessness, life threatening illnesses, surgeries, the terrible loss of loved ones. I mean, Jesus, you guys are a resilient bunch, and here are just some of the things that keep you all going. Hi, Ali, I am all in an optimism because I don't like the alternative. I heard the quote whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. It was a Henry Ford quote and it really changed my life. I was struggling to find optimism, so I decided to offer it instead. So I would reach out to people when I was having a good day, um letting people in in traffic, waiting someone through, just tried to be maybe a little bit of a bright light in someone's day. While the jacket you're wearing on the Instagram post makes me feel very optimistic. Just number one, number two strong women makes me feel optimistic. My best friend, constant support, hud connection above all makes me feel optimistic. Hi l A, I saw your posts on Instagram and the line is busy of course, which made me really happy. Actually that gave me optimism to know that so many people were calling you with stories of optimism. My story is I'm transgender and it's been really hard over the pandemic. I started drinking a little too much and I was really down. And what gives me optimism? You know, I've got this rescue lab and it sounds so dumb um, but she watches over me all night, even if it means she sleeps till noon and wakes up ready to go with a smile on her face. Loving me. I am a newly hired scuff driver, and I find that very gratifying to see these young faces get on the bus every day with a new look of hope every day. Uh. These kids come from all walks of life, from different countries that they all get along. And I love being the first one to say good morning and the last one to say have a great day. I'm a teacher of middle school children and every Friday we celebrate by saying you're a weak smarter. UH. That provides optimism by uh letting the kids know that whether they made mistakes or maybe not have done the most amazing things, that they still gain knowledge and they're a weak smarter and they like it. Every week they remind me to tell them that. In my opinion, sometimes you have to do fake it till you make it. Where you might be in a happy day or certain things that happened in your life, sometimes it helps just to put on a smile and just keep moving forward. Was homeless one with a baby child, not even a baby child might be lived in a car for a few days, worked my butt off three jobs at one time. I raised an unbelievable child. And my optimism when things get rough now is when I say, look at what I was feeling then, and I thought I was never gonna make it, And here I am mass sixty years old and she's thirty one and she's running her home small business. But whenever things get tough, I always say, well, I got through it the last time, so I'm going to keep going because I'm going to get through it again. The one thing that I've found is on the things that I've worried about the most or been afraid of the most, it seems like those, when you look at them in hindsight, have always turned out to be a blessing or a better thing than I ever imagined. And so I try to remain optimistic because all of those things later tended to be really great things. Sometimes optimism is really hard to come by, but the way you get it back for yourself is by helping someone else. And when I went through cancer twelve years ago, when I would get really dark and scared, I would go help somebody else and it would make me feel better, and I'm stronger, and I find that that helps keep my head straight and keep positive train of thought. Listening to music that makes us happy, our family, family memories, and people helping each other. But music is definitely number one. I think it helps energize people. I myself have always seen my family be very joyous around music as it playing it, singing it together, having it on the radio or the stereo. I am sixteen months sober. Your podcast is about optimism, man, That's a powerful those of optimism is when I go day after day not having to take a drink. What gives me hope for the future. The fact that the sun rises and sets every day, just as it always has reminds me that the universe is indifferent to the foibles of humankind. I find comfort and hope in that, also in friends, family, dogs, mountains, and that there are wonderful songs yet to be written. Joy comes to me from my grandchildren, any child, a child who has been free to five. Just go in and talk to them, or observe them playing with their friends, and see how most children are so kind to each other. It just brings out the joy in life and their new experiences. I went to um the death of my only Semily member, which was my mom. She was hit by a car and killed. And I adopted some abandoned cats and I saved them and essentially they saved me. And I think going through trauma things like that, we're seeing this with our vest adopted animal program and how you know a dog can help them, you know, therapy dogs, And I think that's very optimistic. Well, the quote was it's better to di's for us and be disappointed than it is the distrust and be miserable all the time, Abraham Lincoln, and that Lincoln saying was probably probably my introduction into what it means to be optimistic, that all is well in the universe and that things will work out. What I did with a girlfriend once and two girlfriends we did a thirty day Gratitude challenge, which over always raised about, but it was a book by Rhonda Burns. It was a lot of work, a lot of fun. It really opened my eyes to gratitude and how we sometimes just don't want to go to it. But it was and has been the one thing that has changed my life completely. I feel more optimistic just listening to ways that you were able to be optimistic during some really really dark times. Finally, one of the messages I got a couple of weeks ago was from actress Shelley Bruce. She played Annie in the original Broadway production A Little Orphan Annie, the original die hard Optimist. Shelley wrote, Hey, Ali, after singing Tomorrow hundreds of times over the past forty four years since my time and Annie, here's my take on optimism. Optimism is a perspective on the world around you and how you choose to handle the situation you're facing. Optimism is not the blind belief that things will always turn out the way you want. It is the belief that you will always find the strength and perseverance to make it through the toughest times. No matter the outcome. You look for the silver lining to help you make it through at better times, Like Annie tells the homeless in Hooverville who complain about empty pockets and freezing fingers, good thing you have them empty pockets. XO XO Shelley Bruce. And as we ease into two, I hope that we can all find a little optimism in our lives, because you know what they say, A pessimist is always alone, but an optimist is always two people away from a threesome. So from everybody here and Go ask Alli. Happy New Year. Thank you for listening to Go ask Alli. Be sure to subscribe, rate and review the podcast, and follow me on social media on Twitter at Ali e Wentworth, It on Instagram at the Real Ali Wentworth and if you have questions or guest suggestions, I'd love to hear from you, call it Text me at three to three three six four six three five six or email Go ask Alli podcast at gmail dot com. Go ask Gali is a production of Shondaland Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Welcome to Go Ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. I don't think that there's some one soul mate. It's not like there's one. Although bon Jovi is my soul mate, there's always exceptions. Are you saying that gossiping is the same as if I'm picking mice out of your scalp and eating it? Well, you've done both, So what do you think? I want to give her too much? I don't like her to come in with an inflated head, so we won't mentioned the Golden Globe. After all we've been through, we deserve an orgasm. Cis I deserve? Welcome to Go, ask Allie. I'm Alli Wentworth. In this season, I'm digging into everything I can get my hands on, peeling back to layers and getting dirty. It's the last episode of Very Special, and so I thought I close it out with a listener question. Ali. My name is Olivia. Me and my husband have a fourteen year old boy and a fifteen year old girl. Both want to start quote unquote dating. How did you and your husband handle dating with your kids? Help one nervous mama, Oh my god? Dating well? Dating at fourteen and fifteen, I think is fine. I think they're old enough to ask somebody out and go to the movies or go out for a happy meal or whatever that means. But I think in terms of asking somebody for a kind of romantic rendezvous is totally fine. I think it's very sweet that they actually want to date rather than just like each other on Instagram or just hook up at a party. So don't be nervous, be good listeners and be good advisors. Ask them where they're going, see if they need to borrow some money, and encourage it, but also encourage a dialogue with them about it. Oh hell, it's the end of the year. Let's do another one. Hi, Ali, love your podcast. My fiance has an ex who he crosses past with because of work when we go to Christmas parties or work dinners, etcetera. There she is. I don't worry about any remaining feelings between them, but it bothers me for some reason. What advice do you have to help me navigate this? Oh, that's a really tough one because I'm kind of a jealous person and I love drama, so I would probably I would probably use it. But um, that's not a mature thing to do. So this is what I would say. I think a lot of times people need to confront their fears and their insecurities. And so if for some reason this woman makes you feel insecure or bothers you, then the first thing I would do when I go into a Christmas party or somewhere where I see her is just be line right up to her and say, hey, Hi, how are you doing? Because that sort of dissipates all the drama around it. So if you act like it's all okay, everyone else is going to feel like it's all okay. These are just little ghosts from the past. And if you show that you're totally fine with it, even if you have to act a little bit, everyone else will be too, and it just it'll be a non issue. Okay. So it's the end of one year and the beginning of another. It has been a ship storm the past few years, and I think we could all use a little sprinkle of optimism in our life. And when I was thinking about optimism, the first person that came to my mind was Michael J. Fox. He's somebody who has struggled with alcoholism with Parkinson's and yet he can crack a joke like nobody else. He is the most spirited, happy, full of love, engaged person I've ever met, and actually wrote a book about optimism. I know Michael J. Fox and have known him for many, many years because he actually has played my husband, George Stephanopolis in um in many movies and TV shows like The American President and Spen City, which was based on George, and since then we have become great friends with him and his wife Tracy, and our families have gone on family trips together. And he is the person that when I'm around I feel all warm and fuzzy. I just love him. Michael J. Fox is a multi award winning actor, author, and activist. His latest book, No Time Like the Future and Optimists Considers Mortality was released last November. As an actor, he rose to fame as Alex P. Keaton on the hit TV show Family Ties and then as the star of the Back to the Future movie franchise. He was diagnosed with young onset Parkinson's disease in when he was twenty nine. In two thousand, he started the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research, which The New York Times is called the most credible voice on Parkinson's re search in the world today. The Foundation is the largest nonprofit funder of Parkinson's drug development and research, and I believe they have raised over one billion dollars in Parkinson's research. So, Mike, I'm saying in full disclosure that you are like family to us, and so I might be bringing up things that have happened on family trips or at dinner or in private scenarios. So I'm just letting our listeners know that is why I quit drinking. Yourself, You don't know what that many deep stories. No, You're going to tell some of the good stories. Because one of the things I'm kind of digging into this season is the idea of optimism, and you are Mr Optimism. In fact, your latest book, No Time Like the Future and Optimists Considers Mortality is a very optimistic look at life during an incredibly pessimistic time. How the hell would you write a book during a pandemic? It was really interesting, Uh, it was, it was. It was. It was challenging because because it was very personal book and a very introspective book. It was it was a book of me challenging my an optimism in the sense that I had a series of bad things happened, and I had frontal surgery which left me somewhat quasi paralyzed in some areas from much my legs, my arms, and then I fell in shattered my humorousity bad, It's bad all the way around. So it was who might tell people to be optimistic when I was laying on a floorward and for an anmulous to come in Christ in the world. And and then I went through this journey of I say, I'm h screwmaking lemon eight at Elemons, I'm out of elemon ad business. I'm not I can't do this anymore. I can't represent And then went from that too to to kind of dropping it all and just venging out for a while what you needed to do, watching game shows on cable collision and and then I started to look around me and see things that was grateful for inspired by everything anas and I start to see acts of gratitude promote the people. And I just thought about this ticket puzzle, and I said, how do how do I how do I blend this reality but this optimism with with what I see in the world. And I came with this this formula with gratitude. Optimism is sustainable if you can find gratitude and if you find something to be grateful in anything, just whatever, Like like I'm grateful that they have vegan cheese at at the deli. Yeah, it just it'll give me shoo the give us the afternoon, all right, um uh. And in bigger, more important issues, um and no loss, if I can find so many grateful in that loss. I always say that the partners is a gift, and people challenge that and laugh at that, and I said, it's a gift that keeps untaking. But it's a gift, and and and and and I can see it that way. I was thinking about, was it when you shattered your arm? Yeah, yeah, twenty team was my I didn't no idea coming team was my worst year. But that was kind of like, so was kind of your breaking point? You said, Yeah, you're lying on the floor with the shattered arm. And I was thinking about that moment and how you know, you were swearing like you said the amulants was coming. You were beating yourself up because you had been very stubborn about being alone. You didn't need anybody to be in the house. And I was thinking about an Oscar Wild quote that says, the basis of optimism is sheer terror. You think that they're straight to that, well you look at the alternative and and they they're not good like you optimistic or right. It's think about optimism. It is it is. It is like for me, you like, give up if if I can't find some way to go forward a family, something that that reward not in anything I deserve, not anything, but just just just my my belief. It just just the stuff is gonna work out, and and and if I don't believe that, and I hadn't gonna go forward with my amount of stuff. This is interesting because I want to start with your career because I can't imagine that you were cynical back in the earlier days of your career. Were you, I mean, when you were doing Back to the Future, I mean you were a global superstar. Were you an optimist then or were you kind of more jaded? And even before that, I was, I was okay, keep going up in Canada than Burnaby, which is kind of Brooklyn in Vancouver, and hung out with the guys and lacting at school, and I started just lacking for afationally and played bands. I mean, everyone's gonna get a union card and work down the doctor. We're gonna timber industry like that's what all my friends are gonna do. And I was gonna do that, so I mean, I couldn't do that. I would would physically be able to do it, will be able to stand the boordom of it. So I got into acting, and when I first had an opportunity to do an American production, immediately knew. When I did it, I said, this is my ticket out. So it's just it's gonna work for me, and it did. I made friends with the producers and that Gasting people, and they hooked me up in the States with an agent and came down the States. And so my active coming in to the States and the eight team to have me dropped out of high school and everything you're not supposed to do, I mean, uh, cutionary till they didn't happen, but we're we're said up to be a real coutionary account um, And and that worked out. I remember being down on my first set and looking around and saying, all these factors might make it, but I am gonna make it. So I like my eyes best right and and and then and then started take jobs. And then then it was a period of time like two years where I didn't get any job and I was eat playing rat MACARONI is deack in the Landlord and I owe the I arrest a lot of money, and then I was so it was really bleak. My brother actually offered me a job on this construction side, picking up nails and and so it goes right back to what I was feared in the first place, and and then in the after family times, So so how do I come out of that? And I'd be optimistic. Yeah, it just it just it just a belief in the fairness. I mean, no, I don't need breaks, and I just hope that when I put into it, I'll get out of it. And that's always work for me. And then you remember remembering your question. Yeah, back back to the future, family sized, back to the future. We're just too again. Lightning strikes. It just impossible to to to to calculate for, to prepare for. And what happened and in that mix was where I met Tracy, and she saved me from from a place where where it was beyond optimism to uh, what's the word for being a deck b Yeah, I go here and go there. I can meet the king of this and the queen of that. And and Tracy Kenneth came to my life this appointment that was being really bad, and in this brief time we were together because we she did the show for like five five episodes, episode and and and and then went back to her life in New York as a theater actors. But before she left, she kind of told me in this kind of interesting way that I was saying for a phone and I had never thought about it that way. I thought it was all great, keep going like that forever, and I deserved it. And then she straighted me out. Well. And also, when you were twenty nine years old, you found out you had Parkinson's that changes the dial. Yeah, that was when we got married. Yeah, that's which is things. I mean tell me about I know that that you reacted by drinking and and sort of trying to numb the brain. But I mean, how are you optimistic in that period or were you not? Were you just sort of circling the drain? I wasn't. That was dark. I always were the party guy and I always drank beers about score and so what happened was when I when I was diagnosed, it just turned into defended drinking. It no one celebratory drinking. It was medicinal drinking and drinking to to try to fix things, and of course it wouldn't fix anything. And and the trace you have been so accepting of this diagnosis until uh, assuring and and and comforting. And so she was the optimist. She was optimist, but I don't know the Tracy would describe herself a NOTHIMS optimists even now. She's more complicated than that. But she she was willing to go for it. She was willing to to to to go through agether and to see what it was and the experience it together and then and carry on with their lives. I didn't believe that. I didn't believe that I could do that. And I know it was coming. I didn't know. No one could tell me what was going to happen. They said, you have this thing, But at the time of the twitchy pinky and a sore shoulder, it wasn't things I deal with now, which I deal with now much more easily than the dealt with a twitchy pinky so shoulder. I mean, I can't walk and then and I'm okay, I mean a shady spot and put a TV on and I'm okay. Um. But then it was it was really tough. So I started drinking a lot. I started drinking, hiding liquor and and and it really had and that was untenable. That lasted for about a year and then and they hit sober and that was a nice fight in the closet getting sober. So that was also not not a comfortable period. It didn't just like you, you drinking fit in your marriage and then you quit drinking. Your marriage is great. Yeah, Well, what did Tracey say to you when you were lying on the couch? Which is one of my favorite things. It's a classic moment. I was, I mean, I'm drinking until about five in the morning. Came back right down in the catch open a course collboy, which I spilled over at some point in my passing out. And it was hot and sweaty, and my son, Sam was a two or three, was crawling all over me, and and when I comes on, I was kind of not violently pushing him off, but but just kind of scooge from from climbing in my head. It's hurt and and then I helped my eyes a little bit, and I saw Tracy's feet and I knew I wasn't do a sow pan up to her face. When I had to face, she was gonna be really angry. And I did the sw pan up and face and I had the face and she was just bored. He was bored, and and and and and uh. And then she said to me, is that's what you want? Because she's nailed that line, and it just chills down my spine. And I don't think that I want you. I want I just I don't want Sam. I wanna and I can just hit me. But she went to the theater to to do a play, and I was gonna meet her in Connecticut. So oh, my drive up to Connecian, I'm thinking about what we're gonna say to her. But why wasn't out late? What happened? When the excuses and the stories and lies and and then I got on the phone and there stand I said was if you know somebody in the program, I'll go to meeting now. And she knows Sincere and she she had to know somebody she was working with who picked me up and took me to a meeting and then having an a drinks. Wow's point nine years. That's amazing. That's really amazing. And I have to say, for the people listening to this podcast, if you could see Mike's face when Tracy enters the room, it is like it's the same feeling you get when the food comes out of the kitchen and it's heading towards your table. He just like he lights up. And it's usually those two things happen at the same time. Yeah, because she's an amazing cook. You have to get to his great food and looks fantastic and it's time for a short break. Okay, let's get back to it. So you're married to Tracy, you have Sam, and then you have twin girls, and then another girl after that. So now you have a family, which is an optimistic thing in itself, having a family, the twins. That was really special was uh when Sam Sam was like h three four, when we were going through all this struggle and and during that time, I would say to her, have another baby, and she said, the nuts you're saying, you on the baby and dress yourself and and and so I yeah, you're right. So it was really cool. Sam was playing with his cousins. And she said, um, says a good big brother, and went, that's cool, and and and the baby was the twins, but we know it's twins. And we found out it was twins. It's such a mids fight. It was like like to me, of course, I went, this is a big wink that we did the right thing to wait and we gotta gott a quota of kids up to that point. But they just came a special way. Yeah, and they came because we were just the kids. We're getting older and we just started. It's just not an easy after you you're a little more noise. There needs to be an opinion at the table. So so, and that was as made she should was. She sure was. She's a smart girl with a lot to say. But when you're in this family dynamic, you lead by example in that family because had you decided to throw in the towel when the Parkinson's was getting worse or been bitter or I mean, you know more than anybody else with other people that have been diagnosed not only with Parkinson's, but some people literally and metaphorically take to the bed. And you have led the family by being game for everything and being an optimist, and I think that if you had a different reaction to your diagnosis, it would have it would have been very damaging to your family and you would have been a very sad group of people. Well, I don't think it was the exception of Sam. I don't think I have a family if I if I had made that adjustment early on, like when when I was going to through that stuff with Tracy and in the drinking and all that. Um but but well, like I'm going forward. If I teach my kids resilience and I teach them gratitude and I teach them optimism, I mean, it's not it's not hopefully not in a pedantic way. Not not not kind of here's the rules and happy life. I don't know those rules. I just to make them up. They go along. Um but um, I'm strilled to hear your ideas and it out to their concerns. And we talk about the pandemic. That was an amazing time because we're in our house and then the conversation springs up in and we sit around and have these big mules. Chancy was cooking and afterwards we sit at the table and then to talk about the pandemic and we talk about social problems. We're happening, social issues that were happening, and it was amazing there there were there were of what's going on right, there were there were the problems in the world. But they're still they're so positive, they're concerned. Yeah. I also think that you, like myself, you use humor a lot. I think that's part of being an optimist. I believe um is adding humor, and I think you make your kids laugh and you make your wife laugh, and that adds to it too. That gives it a flavor of cheer and positivity. I certainly try to implement that into my family as much as I can, especially you know, when the world is on fire, if you can find humor, it does help a little bit. I think the scariest thing in the world and somewhere without a sense of humor, Yeah, it just And you can tell me when you talk to somebody, can testam out with a little softball, look across the middle of the plate. It's a little funny thing, a little and if they don't react, you're going ship. Yeah, I've just spent with this guy. And then it's the same thing with anything that happens. I mean, my response is what's funny about this? What's funny about it? Something funny about it. I've had to go there first. And what's tragic about this? I mean I pounced back from that exactly if that was what's funny about it? And then and then it even works in the long runt because you know the classic algorithm tragedy plus time it cous comedy. Yeah, the Alda line from Crimes and Misdemeanors. I think it had a life beforehand. Yeah, but I like it when he says it. Um. Yeah. They also say a pessimist is always alone, an optimist is always two people away from a threesome. Um um. But I think humor is definitely part of an optimist. I mean, I married George for a plethora of reasons. But he's a great laugher. He's a great laugher. He doesn't have like a tight five that he could do with the chuckle hut, but he is. He's a great audience. You know, he gets the joke, which is part of it too. And sometimes I think when it feels a little bit like the world is circling the drain, and I don't mean just politically, it's nice to have a little bit of optimism around, because it would be easy to fall into a dark hole. Um. I was watching TV. I was noticing there more whales out on the beach and the water off the cooks the beach this summer than I had seen in a couple of summers, and I was wondering about that. And then I saw the saying a TV about the fact that because of the pandemic it was a shutdown in the amount of shipping that was going on. The splash and broken thought of China and coming in especially the cific well lest shipping and because of that, mading callege could be heard further out and there was a huge boost in the whale population. Wow, because because they're maning cause your feod with And I thought, how cool is that? And of course when when when pandemic and for all the sense and purposes with the industry went back down again. But that the kind of stuff will happen. Yeah, yeah, Well it's like the dolphins in the Venice Canals in Italy and yeah, the same thing. Yeah, but you actually look for those little kernels of hope they jump out of me. Yeah, well that's that's a good stuff. Yeah, I think it is a good stuff, and I think we need the good stuff always. What are your feelings about mortality these days? Because right at this moment in my life, something about my oldest child going away to college and having aging parents that really need me, and I'm having all kinds of issues with my mortality and thinking like I'm up next, and you know, I can get a little dark about it, but I try to be optimistic and think, well, I can wear big straw hats and grow tomatoes now. But how are you dealing with mortality? What are your thoughts. I'm married to a woman is gonna live to be out there in six Yes, who looks thirty? Her mother is that isn't in the street, I mean to say, but she runs three miles on the weekend. She's amazing. And my mom is ninety two. But it's just a flute because everybody asked my family die and in really range, So um, I don't have much hope to myself getting much best seven And then it's just really realistic about that. I'm hoping for the best. I'm signing up for another thirty, but I don't. This is what as I think about it, And then it kind of like death. At a certain point, I was run of my business. I do my best to set up my family to to have what they need, but I don't think about it too much, and I just soon I took over a to toothpaste and crack my hand in a toilet. I mean, I don't, I don't. I say, how this I know't mean to be dark, No it's not. I have to tell one story which I think is such a great example of your outlook on life, which is when we were in Africa and we were with our families, and we were in these tents. And for us, a tent is sort of a pain in the ass because when it when there's wind, it kind of flaps at night, and um, there's no paintings on the walls. But for you, it's for you having to get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom, falling over chairs and not being able to sett of yourself and leaning into the tarp and it almost pulling you down. You say it was like being in a bouncy house. But the point of me telling you this is because it is a Mike Fox story, because it is literally you probably having the worst time of your life, just trying to pee, and yet you conjure up this humorous image of a bounty house. But and that's that's just how I think of you. Any subject, you know, whether we're talking about politics or the pandemic or anything that seems dark and a hardship, you find a way to spin it so that it's still the reality of the situation, but it has this whiff of humor and optimism to it. Well, I think when I do, I think you do too. I mean, I keep thinking of this conversation, how much this blessed to you, a side of the illness or the affliction. But it's just the way you look at life, like I'm always trying to find something funny in or trying to find something to learn from it. Like on that trip we went over the day, we we kind of were on three sides of the tree and in the tree with the leopard eating a baby gazel or whatever. And then and then then I say, it started to rain, waited it out, and then we went see some elephants, probably the water hole as the sun was said, and I realized and then we get stuck in the mud. We couldn't get out. I thought, well, we're stuck here in the water hole. When when the killing hour starts, the leper is gonna come back, and he's up in it. I couldn't see him. I could see the last one. I couldn't see this one. And I realized that the lepers you can't see that you're afraid of. And and so it's just knowing that makes me feel better because I understand that. If I didn't understand, it was just some big feeling. And he said, like floating sense of doom. Um, maybe hard to take. Do you think it's a choice to be an optimist? I think so. I think you have to be. I think it's like Humorou's just the thing you go to early on, right, Um, because because I believe you give you a realist and an optimists at the same time. And that's what I am. I mean, I think the world it is and accept the truth of it, and then try to alter it and make it something else. And then then then it's denial. It is what it is, to take it on its own terms. But but then I can react to it however. I want to choose to react to it in a way that it doesn't give it a lot of weight and power on me. But that's I think why you are considered one of the most inspiring humans. I mean, of course because of your sense of humor and and how you look at the world, but also um, that you made a choice, especially during a dark time in your life, to stay on that optimistic path. Well, a lot of the other stuff we talked about it counts too. I mean, you started with the swashing, and like I said, I left school and it was reinforced by things that happened. They animate choices from further down the line with running Tracy, and that was reinforced by my kids in my family. It's the same thing that you want to get to that level. Then then it's a self feeding machine because your kids are on board with your program and they they look at things the way you do, at least it as long as they're talking to you about it. Then they know. My kids know where my hands are and your kids do too. And I love watching you with your kids. It's a load we have, so what's the same as mine, which is why we we worked so wealthy er in these trips, because one family folds into another. That's very true. Um, I want I want your optimism. My optimism is um. I think when I was young, I had to make a choice because I didn't come from horrible circumstances, but multiple divorces and I was sent away to school. I think, way too young, and I too decided to be an optimist because I thought the alternative wasn't as fun. And it's also a time when I found humor, and humor actually saved me. So it was a way to observe the world and you know, lifted up for myself and others instead of being sort of pulled down into the muck and mire of it. And then it's just a muscle that I strengthened over time and and you start to look at the world in a different way. And I've had a few tricky moments in my life. I was attacked by a gang once in l a and almost killed, and the optimism that came out of it was but I'm alive, but I ran away. But I'm here to tell the story. And obviously, with time I could make jokes about it. But I think when you persevere, it sort of gives you the fuel to have an even more optimistic view. And then I get you know, it just comes to this very simplistic thing where I just go for some reason, this firm hit this egg and made me, and the odds of that are insane. And so here I am. I'm going to enjoy my life, and I'm going to enjoy every decade of it, and I'm going to enjoy my marriage and my family and my friends in life, because at the end of the day, I'm just a little particle on an asteroid flying through space. So exactly, Yeah, just aspect respects and we'll be right back. Great, let's get back to it. I've been asking everybody the season to ask me a question. So is there a question you'd like to ask me? Michael J. Fox? Yeah, about to empty year with Mempanist. And I know your kid, your kids are always gonna come back. You know, they're always gonna come back at my kids rather than to come back, and they don't say the opportunity to go away and they be heard from again. What is it besides home cooking that they want? What do they get from me, you guys when they come home? Yeah, oh gosh, I think I think we I think we have created a cozy home. And what I mean by cozy is I think they come back to not only a roast chicken, but they come back to being seen and heard, and they come back to lots of physical affection and cuddling and movies. But I think the most important thing is that when they come home, we are genuinely interested in their life and what they have to say. We're big fans. Your kids are truth talent. I love your kids. Thank you, just say they say, like me see it. Yeah, they're fantastic. And and they asked him home for the chocklie cake. Chocolate cake is ki cast Your chocolate cake is unbelievable. I told Mike once, I said, try my chocolate cake. It's going to make you jump on the table and take a ship. And he almost did. I almost did. I had hold myself back. Cooper did it for me. I love you, Thank you. I love you too. So is he the kindest, most optimistic person you've ever heard? And actually, since we recorded this, Mike has fallen and broken something in his face and also broken his hand. And yet when I talked to him, what does he do? He cracks jokes. People like Michael J. Fox. They give me hope. I find optimism in them. So thank you. Michael j Fox for always showing me the silver lining. And other things that keep me optimistic are new babies being born, and new books being written, and new paintings being painted and new music being composed, and all the things that hit us not necessarily in the brain, but hit us in other ways. So keep getting involved in the arts because I think that they are the most uplifting optimistic thing we got going right now. And to wrap up this episode and this year, a couple of weeks ago, I went on social media and asked people to tell me what are some of the things that give you hope and how do you stay optimistic? And I got an amazing response. I also got a great response about my purple coat, so thank you for that, but really thank you to everybody who took him in it to share their story with me. I heard from people who credit optimism for getting them through the darkest of things divorce, abuse, addiction, homelessness, life threatening illnesses, surgeries, the terrible loss of loved ones. I mean, Jesus, you guys are a resilient bunch, and here are just some of the things that keep you all going. Hi, Ali, I am all in an optimism because I don't like the alternative. I heard the quote whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. It was a Henry Ford quote and it really changed my life. I was struggling to find optimism, so I decided to offer it instead. So I would reach out to people when I was having a good day, um letting people in in traffic, waiting someone through, just tried to be maybe a little bit of a bright light in someone's day. While the jacket you're wearing on the Instagram post makes me feel very optimistic. Just number one, number two strong women makes me feel optimistic. My best friend, constant support, hud connection above all makes me feel optimistic. Hi l A, I saw your posts on Instagram and the line is busy of course, which made me really happy. Actually that gave me optimism to know that so many people were calling you with stories of optimism. My story is I'm transgender and it's been really hard over the pandemic. I started drinking a little too much and I was really down. And what gives me optimism? You know, I've got this rescue lab and it sounds so dumb um, but she watches over me all night, even if it means she sleeps till noon and wakes up ready to go with a smile on her face. Loving me. I am a newly hired scuff driver, and I find that very gratifying to see these young faces get on the bus every day with a new look of hope every day. Uh. These kids come from all walks of life, from different countries that they all get along. And I love being the first one to say good morning and the last one to say have a great day. I'm a teacher of middle school children and every Friday we celebrate by saying you're a weak smarter. UH. That provides optimism by uh letting the kids know that whether they made mistakes or maybe not have done the most amazing things, that they still gain knowledge and they're a weak smarter and they like it. Every week they remind me to tell them that. In my opinion, sometimes you have to do fake it till you make it. Where you might be in a happy day or certain things that happened in your life, sometimes it helps just to put on a smile and just keep moving forward. Was homeless one with a baby child, not even a baby child might be lived in a car for a few days, worked my butt off three jobs at one time. I raised an unbelievable child. And my optimism when things get rough now is when I say, look at what I was feeling then, and I thought I was never gonna make it, And here I am mass sixty years old and she's thirty one and she's running her home small business. But whenever things get tough, I always say, well, I got through it the last time, so I'm going to keep going because I'm going to get through it again. The one thing that I've found is on the things that I've worried about the most or been afraid of the most, it seems like those, when you look at them in hindsight, have always turned out to be a blessing or a better thing than I ever imagined. And so I try to remain optimistic because all of those things later tended to be really great things. Sometimes optimism is really hard to come by, but the way you get it back for yourself is by helping someone else. And when I went through cancer twelve years ago, when I would get really dark and scared, I would go help somebody else and it would make me feel better, and I'm stronger, and I find that that helps keep my head straight and keep positive train of thought. Listening to music that makes us happy, our family, family memories, and people helping each other. But music is definitely number one. I think it helps energize people. I myself have always seen my family be very joyous around music as it playing it, singing it together, having it on the radio or the stereo. I am sixteen months sober. Your podcast is about optimism, man, That's a powerful those of optimism is when I go day after day not having to take a drink. What gives me hope for the future. The fact that the sun rises and sets every day, just as it always has reminds me that the universe is indifferent to the foibles of humankind. I find comfort and hope in that, also in friends, family, dogs, mountains, and that there are wonderful songs yet to be written. Joy comes to me from my grandchildren, any child, a child who has been free to five. Just go in and talk to them, or observe them playing with their friends, and see how most children are so kind to each other. It just brings out the joy in life and their new experiences. I went to um the death of my only Semily member, which was my mom. She was hit by a car and killed. And I adopted some abandoned cats and I saved them and essentially they saved me. And I think going through trauma things like that, we're seeing this with our vest adopted animal program and how you know a dog can help them, you know, therapy dogs, And I think that's very optimistic. Well, the quote was it's better to di's for us and be disappointed than it is the distrust and be miserable all the time, Abraham Lincoln, and that Lincoln saying was probably probably my introduction into what it means to be optimistic, that all is well in the universe and that things will work out. What I did with a girlfriend once and two girlfriends we did a thirty day Gratitude challenge, which over always raised about, but it was a book by Rhonda Burns. It was a lot of work, a lot of fun. It really opened my eyes to gratitude and how we sometimes just don't want to go to it. But it was and has been the one thing that has changed my life completely. I feel more optimistic just listening to ways that you were able to be optimistic during some really really dark times. Finally, one of the messages I got a couple of weeks ago was from actress Shelley Bruce. She played Annie in the original Broadway production A Little Orphan Annie, the original die hard Optimist. Shelley wrote, Hey, Ali, after singing Tomorrow hundreds of times over the past forty four years since my time and Annie, here's my take on optimism. Optimism is a perspective on the world around you and how you choose to handle the situation you're facing. Optimism is not the blind belief that things will always turn out the way you want. It is the belief that you will always find the strength and perseverance to make it through the toughest times. No matter the outcome. You look for the silver lining to help you make it through at better times, Like Annie tells the homeless in Hooverville who complain about empty pockets and freezing fingers, good thing you have them empty pockets. XO XO Shelley Bruce. And as we ease into two, I hope that we can all find a little optimism in our lives, because you know what they say, A pessimist is always alone, but an optimist is always two people away from a threesome. So from everybody here and Go ask Alli. Happy New Year. Thank you for listening to Go ask Alli. Be sure to subscribe, rate and review the podcast, and follow me on social media on Twitter at Ali e Wentworth, It on Instagram at the Real Ali Wentworth and if you have questions or guest suggestions, I'd love to hear from you, call it Text me at three to three three six four six three five six or email Go ask Alli podcast at gmail dot com. Go ask Gali is a production of Shondaland Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. 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