Episode 6 - Disney’s “Opposite Day”

Published Jun 6, 2024, 7:01 AM

Greg and Brendan leave the podcast for greener pastures while Mark tries to get out of his own way with his “can’t miss” script. 

Welcome to Get It to Dutch. A screenwriter's Journey.

I'm Mark, I'm Greg, I'm Brendan aka BB Starland.

Okay, BB Starland, and we are a team of Hollywood screenwriters who meet every week to read from an original screenplay that one of us has written. We give notes and rank the scripts, and at the end of the season, well, we were going to pitch the best script to now deceased Dutch Huxley, but hopefully we'll be pitching to his son Duck. So let's get into new business. I have a little item of new business. Great. Okay, wait, now this loosely connects to the industry because it's just one of these annoying LA things. I'm sure you got this. Our old pal, Keith Morasco, has asked us to contribute to his divorce registry, which is sad news in a lot of ways.

He's getting divorced, but not really. I mean, it's kind of typical. He gets divorced every year or two.

Falling for it.

But now that he's in LA, he gets to do this divorce registry.

I don't know what it is about LA that somehow we all decided that this was going to be a thing we're gonna do in divorce registry. So if you if you're in a part of the country that doesn't have these things, maybe it hasn't spread. The virus hasn't spread this far. You can either buy him something on his divorce registry, just like a wedding registry, or you can buy back something that you bought him for his wedding on his wedding registry. Now he asked me to give him five hundred bucks for the locker set that I bought him on his wedding registry, and it only costs three hundred dollars the first time, so I'm out eight hundred bucks.

Does get better with age.

It's so hard to know what to do in the level at which you participate in one of these things.

The thing is he's going to be out on his ass, so you got to get him something. And the things that are on the list are like a futon sad cagurator, cagerator.

A Hammock emailed me, asking me if I had his old Supernintendo, so he's just like fully going back to sixteen.

I think think a single serve coffee maker, A bong is on there. Wow, a trans am is on there.

I just went ahead and went cheap and I got him a diamond studied earring.

Well, I didn't get him anything for his wedding. I'm not getting him anything for.

This tiled Morasco fiasco.

Sure is in VISI line is on there, So I don't know. I feel like I'm going to be in the hole for this guy. I know him the best.

Yeah, and you know, honestly I wanted I was hoping that he would just do one of those conscious on couplings because then they usually can't do the divorce registry. Well have you heard about that? Well, that's when everybody that's where you and your partner and then everybody that you know, stands in a circle and agrees that you shouldn't be together. But it's supposedly some patico. It's what Gwyneth Paltrow does with all her husbands.

Oh but she's a billionaire. Yeah, of course, Keith not a billionaire. The Morasco fiasco is that he doesn't have any of his own stuff.

Yeah, his teeth are going to look great though with that hearing.

Do you have anything, Greg.

I do, I've got some new business. I have a.

Date whoa the anti Morasco. That's right.

So love died a new love rose has blossomed exactly And it was where love died because I actually got the number at a funeral.

Funeral, at a Dutches's funeral, Duchess funeral.

Yeah, whos a number? Did you?

I'm not going to get into that.

Was it the widow Huxley?

How did you know that this is a bad idea? No, it's not. It's a great idea. How did we know? Because she would be the worst person for you to be dating. And if I know anything about Greg's dating history age that he makes very poor decisions. So here's the thing, man, we're trying to pitch to Duck. This is the worst thing you can do.

Man, there isn't a kid on fucking earth who wants to be friends with someone.

Who's blinking his mom. That's why I hate my dad.

Friends.

The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of God.

You are going to fuck this up?

No, I'm not.

Just let me play the school okay. Also, Duck is older than me. He's going to be fine with me fucking his mom.

Oh, don't say it like that. Even hearing it in the years.

Yeah, So ultimately, this I think is my last podcast because I'm going.

To be moving up to Monacito. What Yeah, dude, nice, absolutely not can just walk out on the podcast.

Man, I think I've gotten what I need to get out of this podcast, which is kind of a relationship.

That's what you wanted out of the podcast. You can do that on an app, Dude. We're trying to sell a fucking script mark. I'm taking the elevator. You guys are taking the escalator. I've basically landed where I need to, which is a nice summer place in Montecito.

It's so great up there there.

It is Gregg's ulterior motive.

You're welcome to come up some time and have lobster roles.

The good news is, I guess you'll be moving off my couch, so you all need to go.

You get your place back.

No, I will still be crashing here for a little while until you know. The redesign at Monasito's is Bully for me. Guys. We always said there'd be two ways this podcast would end. If we sell a screenplay or one of us falls in love.

We said it one of us got murdered, meaning here until death or a sale, whichever comes first.

Well, I'm changing the rules because I am in love and headed to Monacito eventually.

Okay, we'm up.

Sometime both actually, don't come up. You guys need to clean up if you ever come up. Geez, like, look like you could be in Monacito. You guys look like the guys that they hire to come into Monacito when there's a mud slide and they need to clean it up.

Oh, that was my first gig when I got here.

Really.

Yeah, you guys are probably wondering why I'm wearing sunglasses over my regular glass.

Oh I thought you just had those ones that change color when you go into outside and they were broken.

No, because it's for me to whip off and say this is definitely my last podcast.

Mah woo.

Why what?

Oh bbe starland AyKa Brendan is on his way because he yes, got word from Nan that I am check a veil on Big.

Wonder Amazing woo check the veil. So are you pinned?

Well, I'm check availed to be on hold waiting to be pinned.

So you're on deck.

I'm practically on set. For those who don't know, I'm practically on.

I think that's that bad.

If you're on set, that's at bad. I thought you bombed them.

Yeah, I thought it didn't go well.

Well, you know, I realized that's probably just something I do. I tell myself that I bomb so that when I get it, I feel fucking awesome, which I do.

Right now, this is great Man's last shakes. Don't shake on it. What do I have? Then? This is all I have?

You have the podcast mark.

Right, But I can't do it by myself.

Sure, you can keep chugging away. We believe in you. We think your scripts are great.

Hey, listen, bud baby, this is how this industry works. You're down in the muck, so I can lift you up. Okay, here's what I'm willing to do. Okay, sometime around season three or four on Big Wonder, I'll talk to the show runners see if they got a spot and they were the showrunners for Big Wonder.

It's a ship being and Amy Bosco Brandt.

Really Coppleman, Marlene Koppleman, No Kopleman.

Did the pilot? Did bring and shep?

And Amian? What did shep?

Bing?

And Amy Bosco Brandt? Right?

I mean basically all of nineties television.

Bokmates, yes, all the classics, bunk Mates, pals A hand Rahan and Hairn hand Rahan.

Oh, they did all the Murphy's shows, right, Murphy's Law, Murphy's Dental, Murphy's Bakery, and of.

Course the first openly gay character on TV.

And figuring it out. That's right.

And then they did Finger Figure figure.

In comes comes out as gay to his family, figuring it out. So there you go, Bud, Look, I talked to those two and before you know it, Bing Bang Boom. Maybe you're getting coffees and stuff, and then this thing goes twenty seasons.

Maybe finally you get a script. That's how the industry works.

Is Bing Bang Boom a shep bing reference?

Bing Bang Boom was a show that that's what the Big Bang theory stole, right, that was bing. It was originally called Bing Bang Boom.

Yeah, well, congratulations, I'm glad you got it.

Thank you, I'm thrilled. Originally, of course, the part of George on Big Wonder was going to Jimmy Squiggs.

But he passed.

Oh he passed on the project.

He passed.

No, he passed, he's dead.

Oh yeah, yeah, so I'm having to do the pilot for free, because they already paid him to do it. But you know, if this thing goes to series, there may be room to breed negotiate.

Maybe you better check on that.

Well, our news is pretty huge, and poor Mark just has this divorce registry thing.

I feel so sad. You look like I said, a little puppy.

Yeah it's okay, man. You have to podcast. Keep churning, keep plugging away, keep slapping the scripts down, and you guys ever want.

To guess that would help me out a ton all.

Just please on the podcast. Yeah, I'll be up at Montecito. It's a pretty far drive.

Just grow talk to Nan for me. She does my scheduling. Now I'm finally getting Nan to do my scheduling and not some intern.

We couldn't come down from Montecito.

I don't think the helicopter could land on this roof. It's not it doesn't support it. How sturdy is this roof?

Should we even do the podcast? Asked today? But let's go out? Why would we do it?

Let's send this thing out with a bang?

Yeah, the bang, bing bang boom.

Come on, Mark, let's just do one more.

The whole gang's together. One more time. We're all in the saddle. Let's take the horse into the barn and shoot it in its fucking head.

All right, make some glue out of it.

So okay, so much it wrong with it? The dead horse is yours to do.

The Let's do the backstory on today's script. Last week, Brendan was on the Disney lot.

That were you on the Disney lot for another audition?

No, I was just taking the tour, but I got lost trying to find a bathroom. I walk by this boardroom. I see this blue little note card on it and it says opposite day. Then of course the security bust in. They escort me out. Uh NaN's working to clear all that up for me.

But so opposite Day, which is very cool. We decided to write Disney's Opposite Day and then we'll try to sell it back to Disney. Yeah, baby is not steal, not steal, This is not It's delivering exactly what they're looking for.

It's in the zeitgeist, and it is, in my humble opinion, the most unmissible idea of all time.

Basically writes itself. It's Jordan on a breakaway totally, he writes itself.

And since I was on my honeymoon phase with the widow Huxley and Brendan's been focusing on his big screen. Test Mark was the lucky one to draw the straw and just write it up.

Yeah, and truly it was like we all agreed, it basically wrote itself. So I'm very happy to you know, be the one to tee it up and knock it out without any further ado.

I present to you kind of Disney's Opposite the Perfect Last podcast. Huh, Disney's Opposite Day slam Dunk. I'm going to miss you, guys, so let me set up the script for you.

This is Disney's Opposite Day. We focus on a young kid who's a pretty doofy. He gets bullied a lot, and he's very smart, and he's into science. He's he just doesn't have his uh, you know, his balance in middle school yet. But as we're going to see through a few of fate, his world is about to change.

Yeah Earth, I mean you already, you can already see it.

You can see it happening. Okay, Brenda wants you to take stage directions, and we are off.

Exterior George W. Bush Middle school day. A bus pulls up in a gaggle of teens pile off. Last to step off is a pre pubescent duf and glasses. This is Chucky Wigglesworth.

New school Year. All's I gotta do is fit in, stay cool and confident.

We hear the toot of a horn. Chucky looks over and sees the bus driver waving at him.

Have a right day, Dumpling. A group of bullies snicker.

Dad, please don't call me dumpling.

Can help it, Bud. You're a plump little dumpling and I love you more than anything. Chucky is shove from behind.

Plump Dumpling. That means fat Wanton. The bus driver loves you, fat Wanton. Well, he is my dad.

The bully pushes him in the mud. The mud splashes on a cheerleader.

Uh, you got mud on my cheerleader skirt. Dork, sorry, Mallory oo check his pants out. He loves you.

The bully points out a bulge in Chucky's pants. Everyone gasps, no, no, no, it's a lightsaber, a real life lightsaber. He reaches into his pants and pulls out the handle of a lightsaber.

See. He presses a button and it.

Immediately sparks and physics, knocking Chucky off his feet back into the mud puddle. He looks up to see Principal Wilcox with mud all over his trousers.

Mister Wigglesworth, we do not pull lightsabers out of our pants at this school. My office.

Now, As the rest of the teens filter into the school, Chucky's best friend Ali appears by his side. Dang, I guess I won't be seeing you for first period.

Did you get the schematics on the flying skateboard?

Ali unrolls a large blueprint. I figured out the stabilizer, but we still need the propulsion system.

Have you tried lithium in kool aid?

Hey, that could work.

I'm gonna win the science fear and everybody's gonna see them. I'm the coolest guy in town. Yeah.

Maybe if it was opposite day.

Chucky's dad's bus drives away and splashes more mud on him.

Oh sorry, I wish it was opposite day. Whoa we go? We go? Well, so much cool setup.

You totally didn't overthink it. Great job, pal, oh man, I mean this is perfect. I can see where everything's.

About to be opposite.

You got the bullies, you got the girl, you got the flying skateboard.

Yeah, it's it's it's it's a pretty good story, you know, it's it's easy, wrote itself and yeah.

And he didn't mark it up. Good job, get kept focused and then nailed it.

This is great? All right? Nope? Hold on, Nan says, something's up with the deal.

What I'm off?

Check of ail? What does that mean?

It probably just means I got it right? Nice, it's unpinned, She says, Good God, Gad got it?

Life?

Does that mean? Holy fuck?

Hold on a second, let me ask you. Yeah, Brenda Jennings baby Starlind for Nan Man, Nan, Hey, Yeah, what is good?

God? Gad got it? What does that mean? Josh Gad, Ron, Josh Gadd's dad, Ron Dad got it? Good God? How old is God's dad? What's Ron Wanton got to do with this? Oh? Ron one one? Why are you celebrating him?

Nan? She fucking hung up?

God damn it?

Shit, what happened?

Fucking life is over?

What is good?

God?

God, God, Good God, Dad, good.

God, Gad God? It means Ron Gad got it?

Josh Gadd's dad round, Gad, God, George, he's George and big one.

What the fuck is going on? Here.

Oh fuck, I'm so sorry. Man.

That sucks.

At least you have this podcast.

Maybe it's opposite day.

Maybe I'm gonna take.

Some nan and ask her it's not opposite day.

Yeah, she says, it's not opposite day. I didn't get it, but it is opposite day that they're big fans. Oh they hate me. That's great. So all this time they've been saying big fans, they actually hate me.

Don't dude, you cannot You can't have two slam dunks at the same time.

Oh my god, I have fucking nothing. I can't belie. Leave this.

I have two slams at the same time. If it's a dunk contest, then you can do whatever the fuck you want.

Right But I'm saying in the game, you have one ball in hand and that's this podcast, and you can still dunk this down. And I'm sorry about the whole TV thing.

And listen, man, we have opposite day. This is our ticket out of this dump. All right, you're right man, this so let's all settle down. I know it sucks right now is the worst because you just got the news, but we have this golden ticket. We move forward. We're fucking jedis right now. You ever thought about that we could turn things down one day when we sell this thing.

I can't wait to get to a place where I can just turn things down.

I can't wait to say no to everything and just be in my place with lots of sunlight and plants.

You gotta do something, you know what, no opposite day?

Fuck it right, we got this. This is a home run, it's a can't miss. Let's do this thing.

This is what we got. So let's go to the next section. Okay, So during a game of dodgeball, Chucky got hit the head and it reflected out perfect. Yes. Then he woke up in his bedroom later that night, and that's where we pick it up.

Excellent, great work, Mark, and I'm gonna take the script. I'm gonna shove it down there, fucking throats.

Let's go back on board with the pod. Here we go.

Interior Chucky's bedroom night. Chucky blinks his eyes awake. He reaches for his glasses, but they're not where there usually are. Then he realizes that he can see perfect without them. Puzzling, he looks around his room. It's filled with plants and trees. He knows he's inside his bedroom. But this feels like he's actually outside in the backyard.

That's strange.

Interior kitchen. Moments later, Chucky sits at the kitchen table and his mom walks in backwards.

Mom, what are you doing? Just walking into the kitchen to get breakfast? Time for breakfast? But it's nighttime, of course it is.

When else would we eat breakfast?

Where's dad? If it's nighttime, he must be done with his rout, his route, his bus route. He never works at night. Sweetheart, did you get hit on the head? Your dad is the president of the United States.

Huh of America.

A realization falls over Chucky. He jumps to look outside. He tries to run, but his body turns him around so that he's walking backwards, just like his mom. He opens the curtains, which means he's actually closing them. Confused, he peeks outside, which is the new inside in this world. He looks outside into the oval office of the White House. His dad is sitting at a desk, slamming down phones, then picking them back up and yelling into them. No way, Russia, let's work together, England, get me my morning bourbon.

Interior kitchen.

Chucky turns to his mom, it's opposite day.

I think you mean regular night.

Huh huh? What what? Sorry?

No need to sorry me. I haven't done anything to be sorried for. Okay, did you not hear me?

Wait? If it's opposite day, then sorry means thank you, and a hum means okay. That must mean okay means huh. So if I want a glass of milk, I have to say.

Chucky turns to his mom and tries out the new rules.

NOI tat kal lamb moom non tanauton siad sUAS knock new evit ke loocket. What the fuck did you do?

What is this?

He's talking backwards.

That's not opposite day, that's backwards day.

Oh oh my god.

He did it all the way through this entirewards from here on out.

This is opposite day. Let's all what what is the fucking problem?

You know how bad I need this thing right now? Okay, this is the last thing I have on earth.

Let's settle down. This is going perfectly. He woke up. It's now opposite day, so everything is opposite.

This is opposite Disney's opposite day is all I have on this entire.

Okay, this is the message of opposite day. If you have nothing left on earth, you have everything.

I will fucking string us.

As your friend. I just want to step in here. Maybe Mark got a little carried away, but there's a lot of good stuff in here. I mean, the dad becomes president. That's fun. That is good, Brendan, I didn't get carried away. I know you're depending on this in light of Josh Dad's dad taking a role, but I have no doubt your guys are going to make this great. And we'll get it to Duck and let Duck do what Duck do.

Shit.

I just got a text from Duck. Yeah, just says fuck, I'll murder you.

What did you do?

I butt dialed a dick pic? So what what?

He knows? It was for his mom?

Oh?

How did he?

Because she's in the photo. That's better than dick dialing a butt pick?

I get that too, really, Yeah, the widow Huxley is into some wild picks. She's been in a loveless marriage for so long. She's just wanting to really spread her wings.

And you dick dial the butt pick? Where do you keep your phone? The inner pocket of my cargo briefs cargo breefs.

Yeah, look at this picture.

Wow, whoa you have an abnormally long butt crack?

Your butt and that butt crack is the longest one anybody's ever seen.

Party or spine.

Yikes, where does it stop?

She likes it?

And that's insane.

Fuck you guys, give me that go bald of, give me that the fun I fucking fucked up Duck doesn't dig that. I dick Duck's mom. Okay, so fuck it?

What what are you trying? I'm saying I fucked it with Duck. I fucked up my butt. Dick picked Duck. Gentlemen, we are here at our darkest hour.

We need this podcast more than anything.

Baby Starland bb BB Starland is here to tell you that we have to come together one cause.

This podcast at guy, fucking don't ruin this for me.

Okay, this is good news. I guess all back in the saddle. I mean, I've always been on the script. I honestly, from the moment that we talked about it, I knew that this was the this was the golden chariot that was going to take us there anyway.

Hey, and everybody's name is still on it. That's right, right, perfect, Let's dive back in. You're right, I don't need all that.

We're all going to be drowning in friggin money from this thing.

Here we go, Here we go. Okay, I went ahead with Opposite Day. Yes, and I hope this lands because it ends the only way that makes any sense to me. And it's clear as day how it should end, right, Okay, and I hope you guys can see it the way I see it. So let's jump in. Okay, here we go, page ninety one. Okay, ninety one, Let's get there.

This is going to be great interior and exterior nowhere and everywhere, day and night. Our hero, formerly known as Chucky, is now simply infinite consciousness, which is unmanifest and only exists as pure potential.

Out What is this? Keep its opposite day? What is it? The opposite of God? It's opposite of everything?

What does that mean?

So this is again I'm painting by numbers, guys. The entire universe has collapsed into Opposite Day. Chucky isn't the main character. He's one of several supporting characters. He can only remember what's about to happen. He can't remember the past. He's he's remembering the future. There is no present moment. He's walking around with a sort of psychic amnesia. So I just want to set the tone for you. That's that's the scene.

Well why are there no words.

Because silence is how you communicate. Now, that's the opposite of speaking is silence. So violence is love? Up is down isn't? Is is Josh Gadd's dad is Josh Gadd. It would be great for this, by the way.

So hey, fuck dad, he was a dork and now he's cool.

That's the movie. It's so easy, dude, that's what the opposite day is. So you're confusing the rules of opposite day. Okay, if it's opposite day, as you should know, then everything becomes opposite. You have to walk backwards. Words are backwards. If you'd want to make a statement like what is happening? What isn't what? What is the opposite of what that is? Was that was not happening? So that's how you talk an opposite day.

Just make the kid realize that being a genius is cool.

Yeah, the girl likes him. Everything's going his way, so he thinks, but guess what, man, It turns.

Out he really likes how he was All the time.

Do you understand the rules of opposite day?

I'm speaking about the rule.

You have to know the rules in order to fucking understand the movie. The statement its opposite day is both true and false. The only way it is opposite day is if it isn't.

Why the fuck are you doing this?

Man?

This was the easiest thing on earth. But the bottom line is you boothed it. Oh, I did it.

It's all on the page. There's nothing on the page. Let me say, because they're speaking to each other, there is dialogue. Therefore, on opposite day there is no dialogue. Do you see how it fucking connects in a simple way? Okay, let me answer your question. Why don't you make him he's a genius, he's cool. Well, on opposite day, everybody is a genius and everything you didn't know on regular days becomes stuff you do know. Cut the tape, but now you don't know anything that you used to know. Why am I having to spell this out? Brendon? Are you a pass?

A pard?

Panna pass?

The hardest pass?

There's no pass? This is the script.

Oh does pass means I want it? Then I I want it? Then whatever the opposite fucking is of doing this thing.

I want it? How do you not see this? This was the easiest movie to write. It just unfolded out of me. And you know what, it actually made me realize this movie shouldn't even exist at all all, but it does. That's the glory of opposite Day. That's the message. We want to fuck you guys. Fuck you guys. I'm writing Ora Boros. Oh I am, and I'm gonna self produce it for seven thousand dollars. He's not supposed to say.

We had one rule, and that was that we would never talk about Roboris on this podcast.

Well fuck it, you guys are changing the rules. You're leaving the podcast.

Maybe I'm gonna.

Into the podcast.

Well I'm so fuck you guys.

Cut the tape, just stop it.

We've come to an agreement. We all need to continue doing this podcast and anything but I will make Ora Boros. I will never mention it again.

For those listening, Roboris is a screenplay Mark's been talking about ever since we met, and.

First time he pitched it to me, I was awake for a week and a waking nightmare.

I got. I got physically sick. It might have been something that you ate.

Orl Boros gave me COVID.

It's the worst idea I've ever heard, but we agree.

I am dark, I'm gonna fucking mark this microphone your head.

Go ahead and never mention it again.

Is going to make it, and we will continue the podcast together until then.

It is lights camera action but for writing.

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