Adoption is a beautiful door leading for families to grow and change lives, but the road to one sometimes comes with complex and daunting challenges. A newly covered topic for this episode, we will get to know Amanda Koval, an adoptive mom of two children who has helped over a thousand families with their adoption journey. In this interview, we explore ways to plan finances when deciding to pursue adoption.
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Episode three forty four, Saving Money on Adoption with Amanda Coval.
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity, and liver your life. Here your hosts Jen and Jill.
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill. Today we have a very niche episode, but it is with my friend Amanda, who I think is doing an absolute service to the world with what she does, and she has made it her business, her goal, her life's mission, to help families grow through adoption affordably keyword, affordably, and so I wanted to share that on the podcast because I get to book the guests.
Yes, we've never covered this topic before, but I'm so glad.
That we're doing it now.
And Amanda was the perfect person to talk about this from her own journey and perspective as well as what and how she has helped others in their journey. It's all so beautiful and we recognize and mention it throughout the podcast that there's a variety of reasons that people might choose adoption, whether it's having gone through infertility issues, whether it's choosing to not have your own biological children, or sometimes people adopting because they know of a need that's in the community around them. So all sorts of reasons that you might be here and you are welcomed here, and hopefully you can find yourself somewhere within the midst of Amanda's personal story. But with that said, of course, this episode is brought to us by the perfect sized watering can. If you have plants, you know what I mean. It's not too small that you can't hardly water anything, and it's not so big that you can't lift it when it's full of water. It's just right and usually only requires one to two refills to get the job done. And if you're looking for a more efficient way to get the job done, so to speak, when it comes to taking advantage of freebies and savings tips, then you need the friend Letter. It's free, it's written by Jen and I and it comes to your inbox three times a week with everything you need to cut costs, save spend better. The Friend Letter the best watering can you can own, providing you three refills per week. Frugal friendspodcast dot com slash friend Letter.
Or you could just turn on the hose plant your garden outside and then join the friend letter and listen to the podcast and just get a deluge of frugal.
Friends like turn.
I appreciate the deluge, but some of us jen have plants in pots inside our houses or on our porches, and we don't want the deluge on our dry wall.
I used to have indoor plants and they died because I couldn't water them with the host. More on that, lay just never watered them. More on that later, More on a lot later. So Amanda is a good friend of mine. I've known her for gosh, like two or three years now, three yeah, three years now. I met her when we were taking an online course together and we started accountability group to get through the course, and we were both creating courses ourselves. And the course that Amanda was creating was to help prospective adoptive parents make better profiles so that they can get matched faster and i e. Save money because the more time it takes, the more money you spend, and do it in a way that's very cost effective. Because she is the adoptive mom of two, she spent a lot of money to adopt her kids because she didn't know of any other way or when she learned she didn't feel confident enough to use these other cost saving methods, And so she's helped over a thousand families over the past eight years. Match and these are people who just started and some of these people have spent tens of thousands of dollars on advertising that got them nowhere or with agencies that got them nowhere. And she has helped so many people grow their families more affordably. So if that is you, or you want to send this episode to somebody, this is for you. And I'm so excited to share all of Amanda's wisdom about saving money on adoption.
Yes, and if you want to, you up any other episodes that again we've never done. We've never covered this topic before. But other items related to parenthood episode three thirty two Money Motivation for Moms with Kat Collins. We've also got episode two eighty three Frugal Parenting mindset Shifts, and you'll hear from Amanda how that is going to be important even in the pre placement process. Alliteration unintended, but accepted. So those are other episodes, but let's stay tuned for this one.
Amanda, Welcome to the Frugal Friends Podcast. I am very excited you are here. It's finally to be able to get you on. I'm so excited just to hang out with you a little bit.
Thank you so much. I am super excited to be here. A longtime listener for TI caller, but I'm so excited to be here with you guys today.
So, Amanda, tell us a little bit about your journey to adoption and kind of the costs that came along with that journey.
Yeah, So we definitely had a long road to get to become parents. It was something that I always knew was really important to me, and we went through a several years struggle with infertility, which in and of itself was pretty costly. We were very lucky that my insurance at the time, the company I was working for, was really great for infertility and covered a lot of our costs, but we still paid probably ten to fifteen thousand dollars out of pocket at infertility costs before we ever came to adoption. And it was one of those decisions that, again we just knew we were meant to be parents, and so we knew that somehow it was going to work, somehow, something was going to finally stick, and we decided that adoption was what we were meant to do and to pursue our family, and we actually adopted two children here in the United States using an adoption agency. We have a daughter who is eight and a son who is five, after was probably an eleven year journey to get to them of being here and being home in our family. And the biggest thing that I learned throughout the entire process is that it's not easy and it can be pretty expensive. And that's what I'm excited to share with your audience today is that there are some ways that you can save money but yet still support your children's first families along the way. And to me, that's really the ultimate goal is to make adoption easier and to make it more affordable for everyone.
How incredible.
What was your thoughts about adoption, like before you got on that eleven year journey, Like, that's not just something you dove past. What was that mindset or learning curve to make this decision?
Yeah, so, really deciding to adopt was a big decision, moving past the idea of the child being biologically our and that was something that quite honestly, that I didn't spend as much time as I should have in counseling, but I did spend some time in counseling to get there. But what I knew about adoption was nothing. What I knew was what you saw in the Lifetime movies, which was really freaking scary, like, how would that ever happen? And I struggled a lot as we went into the process just to understand why somebody would pick us. Right, you have a lot of feelings that are kind of going through you as you go through infertility, that are kind of yuck, that are like, oh, this is never going to happen, and if you're not careful, you can carry that baggage into adoption. And then when I finally came to the conclusion that adoption was the path that was meant for us, and my husband and I sat down and talked about it a lot, then I was just overwhelmed with how much there was to learn and do, because there is a whole language in and of itself when it comes to adoption, and that can be really hard.
And so just hearing you so vulnerably and beautifully, I just appreciate you sharing your story, but it's so apparent that all the complexities that play into a person's experiences and choices around this. I know we're talking about some of the costs incurred along the way, but there's also decision making and emotions and preconceived notions about either infertility or adoption. There's different ways that people come to choose adoption. For yourself, ten years, like, that's such a long amount of time before you ended up choosing this pathway. So I just want to acknowledge all those different layers and appreciate your willingness to share those different aspects. And I think finance is just being one of the layers but probably playing into some of the emotions of it. And you already described some of the hemorrhaging of finances that happened through the infertility process. But also curious what you noticed about the adoption process too, What were some of the costs incurred with that?
Yeah, I will tell you, at every step of the adoption process there is what felt like a big check to be written, and that to me was pretty daunting. We're lucky that we have great corporate jobs and do have some benefits as it relates to adoption there, but it doesn't make it any easier when you've got to front ten thousand dollars, twenty thousand dollars, fifty thousand dollars, right, depending upon which type of adoption you're pursuing, and it can be really scary.
Right.
So, after we went through our infertility journey and we spent a good chuckum change and really kind of ended that journey without a baby, you worry that the same could be true of adoption.
Right.
And we were in our mid thirties as we were kind of going through this process, and we were thinking about are we going to be physically able to care for a child as they come into our home, but also financially able to care for child when they come into our home, because we want to be able to provide them opportunities in life. And if you just break it down to brass tacks, if you spend a bunch of money going through the adoption process, it will limit your ability to be able to do things like college and things of that nature for them on the back end. So really being intentional with the finances and the kind of the expenses that were ahead of us and how we were going to one forecast that and then to really kind of meet those milestones and keep ourselves moving through the adoption process. It's really tricky to do. It's something I've had the great pleasure of helping over a thousand families do now in their adoption process, which is just blows my mind every single day. But there are a lot of nuances that really come to figuring that part out as you go through.
Yeah, and we're not even talking about the cost of raising a child, like all the school stuff and the activities, and the clothing and the food. Just to get to that stage of growing your family for some can be quite costly.
Yeah, it really can be.
Yeah, And there are different costs associated with like different types of adoption. Right before I met you, I didn't realize there were types of different ways to do it. Could you go through some of those?
Yeah, yeah, I'd be happy to. And honestly, when we started our adoption journey, I didn't know there were different ways either. I knew nothing about adoption. I paid an adoption attorney five hundred dollars an hour to sit down and answer my questions, and as Jen can attest, I have all the questions about.
All the things.
You are thorough, Amanda, and it is a trait is an asset.
Thank you, that's very kind. But I spent a lot of money just asking all the questions and that was when I discovered that there were different types. So if you think about just on a spectrum, on the kind of the low end of the financial investments, you're going to have an embryo adoption, and that means that you are adopting an embryo from another family who is done forming their family and basically has typically leftover embryos from their IVF process, And that type of adoption is typically going to range in about the five to ten thousand dollars range, assuming that your medical insurance would pick up the cost of actually you carrying the child a term like a traditional pregnancy. Then if you kind of move up on the spectrum, you're going to have a self matching adoption, and that's going to range between ten thousand dollars and thirty thousand dollars from an actual like all in cost on adopting, and self matching adoption means that you are actually as the hopeful adoptive family matching with an expectant family. So someone that is considering placing their child for adoption on your own and you might be matching with them through word of mouth, you might be matching with them through a neighbor or a friend or someone in your community, or you might be matching with them through like a Google ad or a social media post. But in that type of adoption in the and that's really kind of where you draw the line in like private US adoption, Right, you're adopting in the United States, not in foster care, right, but you are really that is the most cost efficient way to adopt a baby in the US. Then you kind of move up the spectrum from there and really kind of get into the range of adoption consultants. And adoption consultants are going to be and that call it forty to sixty thousand dollars range. And an adoption consultant's job is to network you with many adoption agencies. So they're going to go out and help you find expectant parents to match with rather than you kind of doing that legwork yourself. But they're going to do that through working with maybe five to ten adoption agencies. And an adoption agency is actually going to be the most expensive on the spectrum, and their job is really to go out and find expectant parents to match with and to match hopeful adoptive families there. And those cost estimates these days are anywhere from the sixty to eighty thousand dollars range to adopt one child in the US, So there are a bunch of different types, and really it comes down to how much legwork are you willing to put into the overall process, and also what's legal in your state. I always tell people I'm not an attorney, so definitely consult your own attorney, an adoption specific attorney, that is. But there are some states that don't allow you to self match, so it's important that you know that before you even get started in the journey.
Super helpful to have all of this outlined. Just to clarify, Amanda, are we primarily talking here about infant adoption, because I also know there's the whole foster to adopt situations of older children that's going to be a completely separate price point. But it sounds like maybe just infant adoption is what you're describing.
Yeah, that is a really good clarification that I should have started with. Yes, I'm primarily talking about infant adoption in the US and not foster care of any sort, or international adoption. So if you think about like the hierarchy or the different types of adoption, you would have international adoption, adopting from a different country, foster care, as well as private adoption. I'm specifically talking about private adoption in the US.
Yeah, thank you for differentiating that as somebody who's spent time working in the foster care system and thinking maybe I would like to adopt from foster care and being taught that you do not go into the foster care system looking to adopt. It is definitely great to be willing to adopt, but the first goal in foster care is reunification, and if you want to adopt, then there are other ways to adopt, especially infants, and there are ways to adopt straight from the foster care system, but they are older kids and that should be a specific desire. So yeah, I'm glad we clarified that.
So when it comes to the specific types of adoption that you're describing, Amanda, what are some of the things that people might be spending money on if they're going with that kind of highest tier of working with an agency, potentially spending between forty to eighty thousand dollars. Where are you seeing that additional cost coming from, Like, is there waste of money happening? Why is it nearly double? And what can you tell us that, Like, probably the majority of our listeners don't know about that reality.
Yeah, So the fundamentals of the adoption process are the same no matter which type of adoption that you're pursuing. A lot of it comes down to how much work you're putting into it and how much marketing and advertising dollars that are put behind it. So when you're working with an adoption agency, they are leveraging a social worker to actually do what I would call like the vetting for each party. They're making sure that the list of criteria that's important for the expectant family and the list of criteria that's important for the hopeful adoptive family match ahead of time. And so that is definitely something that from an investment perspective, that definitely happens and adds costs to it. In an agency model versus a self matching model, and a self matching model, you're doing that work yourself, though I always recommend that you have a counselor or someone along the side with you to really make sure that you're not just reacting in an emotional perspective there too. The other big cost difference that happens when you're working with an agency are all of the fees as it relates to marketing your family. And when it comes to marketing your family, everybody always goes ooh, I don't like that term when it comes to adoption, but it is the reality of what you're doing. You are telling your family story through an adoption profile, which in essence really is marketing. And agencies spend a lot of money and what I would call outbound marketing outreach right Google ads, Facebook ads, other support services where they're talking with local communities, with hospitals, trying to advertise their agency to get people to come and consider working with them when they're considering placing a child for adoption. And the reality is a portion of your budget whenever you're working with an adoption agency is to do that, and so they're using a portion of your budget to do that so that they can attract expectant families that are considering an adoption to work with them, so that there's somebody for you to match with, right, Whereas if you're self matching you're doing a lot of that on your own and typically through word of mouth most of the time. And so those two big buckets are really kind of the big cost difference that you will see. Now, some folks when they're self matching, they try to go through the kind of the support services bucket without really investing to provide maybe mental health services or health insurance services and things of that nature when they're self matching. But when I teach people how to self match, I actually advocate that you would have a really strong relationship with expectant families from the very beginning and give them the support that they need and deserve to really make peace with this decision. And so you have to be really careful if you set out into self matching and not budget for those costs upfront, because that could actually, in my opinion, really put your adoption at jeopardy because you want that expectant family to not feel coerced into this decision and to really feel at peace with this decision. And that is another big investment that adoption agencies do make in the relationships with expectant families as well.
Meaning financial support for the expectant family through the pregnancy.
Yeah, so there'd be financial support. Typically, when it comes to supporting the expectant family, the state law dictates what you're allowed to do or not allowed to do. That's the first and foremost. Some states don't allow any sort of support. In some states capited like five thousand dollars or ten thousand dollars of support, But typically that support will look like financial assistance, meaning does she have a roof over her head, does she have gas in her car to get to her job, to get to doctor's appointments, and does she have food in her belly to take care of her and the baby. Then you're also going to see other support services like making sure that she has health insurance to cover the pregnancy cost and the baby's cost it delivery. And then you're also going to see services like maybe coaching or education opportunities to really give her a path forward after babies born, so that she has kind of a plan for her life as well. And so those are the typical support services that you would see for expectant families that I think are really critical to continue to provide even when you self match as well.
Looking at the self matching area, same question, what are the things people waste money on. What are the things that are really worth spending money on.
Yeah, So I'd say the thing that a lot of people waste money on is trying to go it alone when it comes to advertising dollars. I have people litt'll show on my DMS all the time. They're like, I've spent one thousand dollars on Facebook ads and nobody is reaching out to me. Or I've spent a bunch of money building a website and nobody is going to finding my website on the internet. So I would say that the majority of the time, whenever people reach out to me and or quote unquote wasting money on self matching, it has to do with not understanding how to create and share your profile materials so that people can actually find you, because there really is kind of an art in a science and creating and sharing your profile so that in an efficient way, so that you can really be mindful of how much you're spending.
Yeah.
So common is it to self match versus agency?
It is becoming more common. Unfortunately, there's not good statistics to say this percent versus that percent, but it is definitely becoming more common these days just because of the rising cost of just inflation in general, right, but because of the rising cost of agency adoptions, it is becoming something that on a very regular basis, my clients are telling me, like, my only option is to borrow from my retirement or to put a second mortgage on my home and things of that nature to form my family. And that's something that people don't want to do. And in our own journey, we chose to borrow from my retirement, and I will tell you I caution all of my clients against that because it put unnecessary stress on our adoption journey. Whenever I first met Jen, I was like, goodness, if I had only known you then, But it took us. I mean, listen, I wouldn't trade my child for anything in the world, but it took us years to get out of that debt from our initial adoption journey, even with an adoption tax credit from the federal government to help. And in my case, since I borrowed it from my retirement, that meant I had to stay at my job because if I left, then I had to pay that money within forty eight hours back to my retirement fund. And boy, that was a scary thing that probably also had an impact on my happiness with my job too, unbanknownst to them, you know.
Yeah, yeah, I do know.
So adoption is a part of there's adoption stories within my family and friends. And similar to Jen, I've worked in the foster care space and social work space, so I'm familiar with some of what you're saying. But honestly, self matching is still a newer concept. I know of a couple of friends who that was their story, but it almost felt to me as an observer, like the stars aligned, like that couldn't be many people's stories. Excited to hear you saying this is possible, I'm curious what you're seeing just regarding timeline for people. So, you know, if an agency going with an agency means they're kind of doing some of the heavy lifting work. Part of me would assume that means you could have a placement sooner, but I could be wrong. What are you seeing with time frame from start to adoption with self matching?
Yeah, so most agencies will tell you that their time frame is two to three years. You will hear some agencies occasionally say a year I'm going. I always ask my clients and like, ask for real numbers, ask for people that you know where clients for past just like go interview them and talk to them. It's really important. Actually, most of my clients do self match, and ninety five percent of them self match in a year. And it began really out as a star's aligned mentality. That was my perception too, whenever we were going through our adoption journey. It was one of the options that the attorney kind of laid out and I looked at him and said, I don't know anybody's looking to place their child for adoption. And I just immediately dismissed that right and moved into the adoption agency route, quite honestly, because it felt like the easier path and I was tired from infertility and I just wanted a baby. But these days, through social media, it really is changing the landscape of adoption in total, because you just need one video to hit in the right vein of content for more people to see that you're hoping to adopt, and those connections really do expand exponentially from there. And so the vast majority of my clients that are self matching in a year are matching through social media, and it is through organic outrage on social media. They're sharing it everywhere they possibly can. They're asking their friends and family to share it, and then it's just tapping into the land in front of the right person. But on the same hand, I've also had people random match in what I call in real life as well, through handing out a business card to their dentist or leaving a flyer on a laundromatic bulletin board. So some of the old school, like in person ways are definitely still viable too.
Wow.
I mean it's how we're growing our family when it comes to finding partners. That's right through the internet through social media, So why not am growing your family?
I didn't know where you were going with that. I was like what, Yeah, I.
Was like, we have an announcement.
Yeah, like what.
That's so true with through social media and chance encounters. So yeah, but it is still a bizarre thing to think about, a bizarre it's just still so foreign in the way we traditionally think of adoption. So that ten to thirty thousand cost for self matching, what does that include? What are the things that are worth paying money for? If the things you've seen best work for marketing are organic, which means they don't cost money, Yeah, what is something we should really be spending money on if we're looking at this.
Yeah, so there are three buckets whenever you're self matching your adoption that you're really going to kind of divide your funds between. The first bucket is going to be what I call it and call all things legal. So you're going to have to have a home study, which means a social worker is going to approve you to adopt in your state. And then you're going to have to have an attorney that's going to do all of the paperwork and they're going to be the ones that are going to be advising you as you meet with expectant families and what you're allowed to say when you're not allowed to say, how you can support them, how you can't support them, things of that nature. So those are the two things that you want to make sure you've got lined up and buttoned up. The next is your profile. I do believe that you have to create a high quality adoption profile, specifically one that makes an emotional connection with expectant families. You want to make it really easy for them to get to know you, right. You don't want to just to share everything about your life, but you also don't want to share nothing about your life, right, there's a really fine line, and there's a really specific way that you want to share about your family. And the third bucket that we talked about earlier are those support services for your expected family. You want to make sure that you are supporting them and really creating a bond that's going to last a lifetime. That's really important. But if you're focusing on those specific areas in your self matching journey and making the right investments, that's how ultimately you're going to be the most wise with your finances and with your time throughout the journey.
Yeah, super helpful to break it down into those buckets. I know from the people who I'm close to have gone through the adoption process, that experience of creating their profile and answering some of these really vulnerable questions it did feel, as they described, quite prying, but at the same time, every single one of them said that they were so thankful for that specific aspect of their adoption journey. What they learned about themselves, what they learned about their spouses, what they learned that they want to be doing even now, like there's there's so much insight that I think there was a part of me that was like, can we make all also biological parents go through this process that I think it's just really important. But yeah, it's helpful to know that each one of those things is going to take time and cost money. It's beautiful to hear that there are options that are kind of in the middle, that the self matching is somewhere between carrying an embryo of somebody else's to agency adoption. And yet I hear ten to thirty thousand dollars and that feels in some ways cost prohibitive to me. I could plan for that, there could be it would take years. But for others who might be feeling similarly, do you know of financial assistance options available to family who might need them, who want to adopt, have all of these things that they want to do, they'd be a great family, But even ten to thirty thousand dollars isn't something they'd be able to spend in the course of a few years.
Yeah, for sure. So the first thing is that there is a federal adoption tax grant. I'm equally not an accountant as I'm not a lawyer, but neither are we. But it is something that is available. In years past, it's been around a twelve thousand dollars credit, and so that is something to keep in mind as well as you plan. But yes, there are tons and tons and tons of grants out there. As a matter of fact, I have a grant guide that has three hundred and fifty thousand dollars worth of adoption specific grants that have identified in the US. So there are tons of grants out there, and it's just about you know, planning, as you said, right, And so one of the things that I do with my clients is I set down and help them forecast, like, here are all of the expenses that you could expect. Right, are some common ones that you're immediately going to know, like you know, I've got my home steady, or I've got an attorney, But there's also going to be some hidden things like how are you going to be planning from eternity leave? Right? You're going to have maybe some travel expenses and things of that nature that you need to prepare for. So you want to walk through and kind of figure all of that out. And then I coach my clients to think through, Okay, what are the buckets that you want now? That you I kind of call it your b hag, your big hairy number right staring you in your face. How are you going to go like dissect that number? And to me, you dissect that number through either the tax credit or through grants or through fundraisers, right, or maybe picking up an appropriate side hustle that doesn't require you to invest additional money, right, So being really financially sound about it. But there are specific ways that you can really attack that number and to break it down and to make it more digestible. And it's also important to remember that you don't have to pay for everything at the same time. So planning out, Okay, we're going to have our first expense, it's going to be a home study and it's going to cost about this much and then saving up, but you want to be careful not to make an investment in your home study right away while you're trying to save the funds on their rest, because those home studies are only good for a year, and so you want to you know, kind of have your plan outlined and say, okay, now, based upon my financial forecast of what I expect this to cost and when I'm going to meet those goals, and this is when it makes the most sense for us to keep you know, kind of start the process. So you're right, Jil, it takes intentional planning as you go through this process.
Yeah, that's so helpful.
There's so much in it. And I mean, I will just plug you and what you do right now because you you have actually made your services accessible too. Like you yes, you work one on one with clients, but you also have like a course where people can just go through. And this is great for self matching people that you can tell them how to create a profile, because an agency will just give you like a questionnaire, but nobody's really giving you a questionnaire if you're self matching and you have i mean, how you created in judged up your profile. Like as an actual marketing professional. She didn't tell y'all that this is what she does for Corporate America.
She markets.
She's the person getting you to buy these things that you don't want to buy. I'm just kidding, but like you know, the things that people want to hear to make them interested in something. Tell people how to do that with adoption profiles, which I think it just blows my mind when I think about what you do and so I wanted to just plug you because I think you're underselling yourself. Oh thank you. So yeah, Just how many families could grow if we started looking at adoption in a different way and instead of like saying like, oh, I'm tapped out from the cost of infertility, or I'm you know, trying to I want to adopt. I don't want to have my own children, but the cost is so prohibitive. Looking at this stuff in a new way, I hope as like eye opening for people.
Oh thank you. Yeah, as you mentioned, Jen, I do this because it fills my heart, not to fill my bank accountant and just to be really transparent, that is not my goal with this work. I wish I had had someone to teach me as I went through the process. It was unnecessarily hard, and I didn't know anybody other than that attorney that I could pay five hundred bucks an hour to go ask questions to. I do work in corporate America. I do have a corporate day job. But this is the work that fills my heart. And it's really amazing to be able to say I've helped a thousand families now be formed through adoption like that literally makes tears come to my eyes every time I say it, and so and my lifetime goal is ten thousand families like I want to just make adoption easier and more affordable for everybody, because it doesn't have to be hard.
That is so beautiful, Amanda.
Thanks for sharing your story and then turning around to help others. Speaking of things that fill our hearts and not our bank accounts.
Are so beautiful. We literally we do it for the love, for the joy.
The bill of the week.
That's right, it's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is Williams. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. Duck bills, Buffalo bills, bill clion.
This is the bill of the.
Week, Amanda. Every week we ask our listeners and or our guests to share with us their bill for the week, the bill that's been on your mind. And you tried to share it with us at the top of the interview before we start recording, and yet you stock to bill of the week, and I yelled at you, yes, And so now that we've both yelled at you, would you share with us your bill.
I would be happy to share my bill. I'm so excited to do this, by the way, because every week when I listen, I'm like, what's your bill going to be? So I'm going to pull a double whammy here under one name. Yes, I have two kids, Catherine and Benjamin, but their activity bill that is my most favorite bill. And I know that sounds really silly and cheesy, but seeing their little personalities come out in cheer in baseball, that is the highlight of my week every week. So it has to be my bill of the week.
Oh yes, I underestimated how fun it would be to put my child into activities. I we just started Kai in soccer and seeing him and this might be bad, like bad mom juju, but like comparing him to the other kids.
And not in the hot We're not quite to the vulnerability round, but here we are.
I'm honesty, yeah, and being like, oh he's better than that kid, or be like, oh he's not getting a sports scholarship. Good thing we learned this early. Yeah, it's so fun for me.
It's you know, it's a lot of fun. I'll share. I'm a band nerd at heart. I grew up in a band. That's how I paid for my way through college actually as well. And so the fact that my daughter loves cheer and bows and all things sparkles. It's really stretching for me as a mom. It's really hard, but she just lights up when she does it, and it just it makes my heart happy every week to sit in that gym for three hours a week to watch her pursue the thing that she loves. So in the same thing with my son. The other day, he hit a home run and he was so excited and he was like, I stopped running to first base to turn to the stands.
Mama, did it I hit a home run? I was like, it's okay, run, brother.
Run, you actually got to get the home run. You actually have to run.
Oh, those are the moments that seem like they make it.
All worth it.
I don't know. I don't have kids, but that does sound like a whole moment.
It does, for a second, makeup for the fact that I haven't had a full night sleep in six months. For sure.
Yeah, there we want a small second. What a great bill, Amanda. It sounds I mean, I feel like what you've described I'd be willing to pay for your kids cheer in baseball too.
That'd be a bill I would not pay.
If you all listening have a bill you want to share.
If it's about.
Your kid being named bill, your kid's coach being a bill, you its teacher being a bill, you're a bill, or anything else, It's totally fine bills.
You don't mind.
She's a bill where all bills call.
Us visit trugal friendspodcast dot com, slash bill, leave us your bill. And now it's time for the lightning round.
The life round, pew pew. And now in the vulnerability part of the show, we have a hard hitting question which.
Is a little bit more lighthearted.
Lighthearted, Yeah, I didn't see it, did you? Is this yours Jill? Or is this a Goldie write?
Okay, unless everyone didn't, then I had nothing to do with it.
I love it.
It's all Jill.
If you hate it, it's Jill. If you love it, it's Jill. If you could be adapted into any fictional TV family, whose family would it be? This is such an interesting question, and I'm glad it's TV. I mean, I guess you could say movie if you're a movie person. I'm not a movie person, so TV is definitely for.
Me and fictional, Like, you can't choose the Kardashians.
Gosh, although that might be are real, it's still my own fictional, So that cuts out the Jersey Shore for me.
Yeah, so back to the drawing board, Amanda, you can go first, since you are our guest.
I would have to choose This is Us because I would say, there are an adoption literate family, and I definitely relate to each one of the characters in their own special way, so I feel like it'd be a good fit in that family.
So This is Us. That's awesome, that is beautiful.
I never watched that series because I don't like to cry, and I know that I would cry every week. So that's all everybody anybody like says about that show is like, Oh I watched This is Us. I cried every single episode.
Ye.
It's definitely a tissue box an episode type of show, right.
I don't know. I have enough emotions. I cry a lot during movies, and that's probably why I don't watch a lot. So I just couldn't expend that on a show every week for how many seasons?
Did they have?
Four or five seasons?
Yeah, it was a while that's a long.
Commitment of tears.
It was a good cathartic way to process stress from the day, right.
That's so true.
If you need to cry, well done, nobody will ask series. Yeah, yeah, Jill, I'm gonna let you go next, since you wrote it.
Okay, I'm gonna go with April and Andy from Parks and Rack. They are an adoption, ill literate family. But I think that the ones who never intended to have kids feel themselves like ill fit parents would just be the best parent. And from what I've seen, you know, the ones who are just like never not for me. Just watching them kind of like stumble through parenthood would be really enjoyable for me. And I think that they still would do a really good job. I think I'd get to eat all the hot dogs that i'd want to eat.
You love that, and we'd.
Have a black I would love that, what about you?
Jen?
So I tried to think of something better, but the first family that came into my mind the roy family from Succession. Oh so bad, so bad. It is probably the worst family ever depicted in a TV series, bar none. I don't know of a worse family.
I am.
So worried worried I'm gonna put you on to watch lest you shouldn't want that.
No one should want that. That should be like the mistake that happens to you.
I don't actually want it. It's just the first family that came into my head and then they wouldn't leave. And that's kind of how they are, right it.
Is, And what do you think you would gain from that experience of family life.
I would probably sit back and watch and I resonate a lot with cousin Greg. I would maybe try to be cousin Greg in the fan as a sibling. I just think him as a character was so well done.
Eric and I are currently watching the show, and honest to goodness, I had to take a pause the other night from it because I was like, yeah, I don't know how much I want to be entertained by the depiction of very horrible human being.
Yeah, I don't know how much I want to engage in that. And then to hear you being like, I'll be part of that family.
They are the worst. And I watched every episode of Game of Thrones and has the direct I've seen them all, and I think the roy family is worse, just bar none.
You know what.
You would be the shining star in that family though, Like you would be talk to your character decision making.
Yeah, so maybe that's on.
I might be a product of my upbringing with yourself in an environment where you look, yeah, like the greatest.
It would be amazingly.
Yeah, you just walk in.
You're not doing that, No, it would be awesome.
I think I would just want to be a fly on the wall. I would be like the oldest son and just be like but not like delusional, And that is what I think I would. I just have a bag of popcorn.
Wow.
Wow, thanks, I mean, I'm so sorry engaging in that question with us for appusing our vulnerability around. Can you tell all of us where we can get more of you if people want to receive additional information, if this has sparked curiosity, or you are the breath of fresh air that they have already been searching for for months, where can they find you?
Absolutely? Thank you. You can find me on Instagram under the handle my adoption Coach, or you can find me on YouTube as well. And then if you are considering adoption and just trying to figure out which type of adoptions right for you, I have a quiz. You can check out over on my Adoption Coach dot com backslash quiz and you can take a few questions and get pointed in the right direction to get you started.
Lovely. Thank you so so much.
Thank you so much, Amanda. I highly recommend if you are just considering growing your family in the direction of adoption, check out my adoption Coach dot com and yeah, Amanda will be the most helpful resource that you'll find out there.
Thank you guys for having me. I appreciate it.
What did you think, Jill, Because I know you didn't know Amanda going into this one.
I didn't What a beautiful human being. I mean, she belongs in the this is Us family, So yes, she's stunning. Also, just so awesome to hear her background and story, what that has been like for her, and just being able to connect on that level. But then I always love it when we find and meet people who have then turned around and been able to make meaning out of their story and help others, and yeah, just be a support and a resource in her. Having done both is incredible. I feel as though I learned a lot about adoption, even coming from like the background that I've come from. The growing space of matching yourself is something I was not as aware of until Amanda pointed all of this out and informed us on it, and then just the resource that she is. I can think of people, a handful of people already that just personally I'm going to want to connect them to Amanda. So personally, I'm thrilled we did this episode.
Yeah, me too.
I hope that we taught people some stuff about adoption. I know, I've known Amanda for three years and I learn from her every time. And gosh, she said the thing about adopting an embryo. She had never talked about that. I had no idea you could do that. So like, I learned something from her all the time, and so I know that she has so much more to share. So definitely check out her website if you're interested in my adoption Coach dot com. She also is a podcast that she didn't plug, so you can search my Adoption Coach where you're listening to this and you can listen to her show as well. And if you didn't know, we also have some workbooks if you're looking to lower your expenses in order to do something like adopt or any finance we have not just the friend letter that comes to you free three times a week, and not just the podcast that comes free twice a week. We also have some free workbooks challenges stuff like that. We have the seven Day No Spend Challenge Guide and then the upgraded for pay thirty Day No Spend Challenge Workbook. And we got this very sweet review on that workbook from Christina. She says, so much information that I know will help me on my journey. I'm up early to get started on my three month budget audit or her ninety day transaction history. I started the three day makeover last night, looking forward to learn a new mindset about finances. I heard your podcast, it was hooked. Thank you for sharing your knowledge amazing.
So glad that that was useful and beneficial to you, Christina, and for sharing your feedback, and thank you all for listening again. If you want freebies, tips, values based spending hacks sent to your inbox for free three times a week, head to Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash friend letter to get all them goodies.
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Is so much.
I know you're like, that's too much goodness, and there is no such thing as too much.
How do you make money? How do you support your families? And you know that's a great question. We'll talk about that late. We should probably have that conversation.
But the way, the goodies just get the friend letter.
Until we do, we'll see you next time. Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni.
Okay, Jen the roy Family, right, it's just coming.
Yeah, this was coming.
I mean, Corravas is behind us. We've got bigger fish to fry.
So what I wanted to say was, Okay, so it's not really a family, but like the quote unquote family from the good place, Yes, eleanor Cheaty, the guy that's into the Jacksonville Jaguars, you know, like that is the crew I would really join if I had the choice, or the family from only murders in the building, you know, little Steve Martin, little Selena Gomez, Martin Shore. You know, they're not really family either, And so I think, I don't know what this says about me that I want to join families that aren't like actual families. I prefer like friend families.
I mean listen. I prefer a family who has actively said they don't want children. I'm like, I'm gonna be your child.
I know we haven't. Yeah, have dissected that one. I prefer parents who have actively said they don't want a child. We both have things to work out.
Yeah, But instead you went with a.
Family that at least has four children. They were wanted, yeah, and they were immediately disliked.
Actually cared for, at least.
For sure financially cared for. Yes, yes, we all know. I love money. You know checks out. So there we you know, we're dissecting this. We're finding out a little bit more. I actually did not think about it that deeply.
When I said it, I kind of feel better about that, but then at the same time, it's like, this is my subconscious answer, and then it brings me back to horror.
Okay, so the roy family was my first thought, and then I immediately was like, okay, what are other families. That's a horrible answer. And then I was like, what about the righteous Gemstones? And I was like absolutely not no that, I mean that would be bad. I would be such an uncomfortable thing.
I think anyone would choose us like you would be Do you think anyone would be like.
To be their parents?
Frugal friends as a fictional option, Jen and Jill, we teach you about money.
I mean, I'll let you. I don't know.
We're good for a good time, but I don't know. I don't think I could parent with anybody but my actual spouse.
It's don't worry, Jenn, It's not actually happening. I know.
I was just I mean, if the world came to an end and somebody gave us a baby and it was just the two of us.
We need to, we need to.
Honestly, I don't want another baby, and so I don't think I think I would just give it to you and be like, you haven't done this before? Here you go have fun. Yeah, I would just get I would actually just give it.
To you, and good choice.
I would find another way to survive. Okay, So love you, see you later.
Love you too,