It takes both knowledge and practice to fully understand and live by what you have learned. While we always talk about frugality, we also want to teach you how to adopt a frugal mindset. Allow yourself to be curious in this episode as we break down ways to live with a frugal mindset, the barriers, and its importance in making smarter financial decisions.
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Episode three thirty seven, how to adopt a frugal mindset.
Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity and life. Here your hosts Jen and Jill.
Welcome to Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name is Jill, and today we are doing another episode that is just Jill and Mine's thoughts. This is another topic that we are covering in the book that we are writing on values based Spending. And it's an early chapter because it's a foundational chapter on frugal mindset. But not like the woo woo mindset stuff, not like the mindset chapter you see at the beginning of every other personal finance book. This one, I think is really special to do frugality.
Yeah, I'm excited to go through it. Not only does this help us to write our book, but I think solidifies for us our ideas on frugality frugal mindset. It's just a helpful refresher that, like you said, Jen, there's not going to be much on the internet about this. These are some of our own original thoughts that we've now pulled together over years of podcasting and talking about this. So where we typically go through two articles on the Internet based on the topic we're talking about today, we're not doing that. We're having a departure from our typical format to share with you all our perspective on what is a frugal mindset, what can be some of the barriers to it, what are the benefits? How do we practice this and acquire it and implement this type of mindset? So excited to get into that.
Yeah, but first, this episode is brought to you by merch. Who doesn't love getting fan merch, whether it is from your favorite band, or your favorite Mickey Mouse at Disney World, or your favorite movie, cult classic, Star Wars, star trek anyone. Hi, merch, It's so fun. It's a way to show your pride and to wear it out into public and somebody else see you wearing it say hey, I relate to you on that. I also enjoy that. Let's be friends. It's a freeway to make friends if you think about it, and we want to give that to you through the friend Letter referral program. So if you get our friend letter, it is three times a week, totally free. We tell you where to find the week's freebies, deals, money saving tips, and also values based spending insights. So a lot of the stuff that we are talking about today, stuff that we include in our Friday email.
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Do it so.
A couple other money mindset episodes that we have done Episode two forty four how to Improve your Money Mindset, which is actually a rerun of episode one thirty nine, but then all of the other We've done several other just Jill and I perspective episodes. So we have episode three twenty five, the step by step guide to values based spending, and then also episode three thirty what is the Radical Middle and how to Live It? And then episode three thirty three we talked about how to prioritize paying off student loans, but we really cover how to prioritize financial rals in general and where to fit student loans in. So those are some really great episodes, and like we said, we are writing a book on this do out in twenty twenty five. We are just writing it right now, kind of using these episodes as standing boards to get our thoughts together and make sure that these original ideas are original before they go into the book, so that they live somewhere in the ether before they are written down into a book. Because we talk a lot about other people's ideas and our opinions on them normally, but this is these are our ideas. So let's dive into how to adopt a frugal mindset first, Jill, what is a frugal mindset?
In my perspective, I think a frugal mindset is taking on a perspective that holds value for all of our resources. And you've heard us talk about this just in our definition of frugality of being good stewards of all of our resources. So this includes time, energy, money, relationships, physical space, and seeking to be good stewards of those things intentional in the way that we interact with them. So those are the actions, but the mindset that comes before that is a value for all of these things. And so I think it begins with how we look at these various resources, how we approach them, and our minds, our thoughts about them is what's going to then inform our emotions and actions towards these items. So everything starts in our minds first, and so this mindset of frugality is first and foremost valuing each of these things and learning how to hold them rightly before action then comes. Yes.
I think also we talk like in values based spending, finding your values a lot of the times. When we talk about mindset in personal finance, it's growth mindset versus limiting mindset. So we talk a lot about how can I foster a mindset that is believing that I can increase my income, believing that I can decrease my expenses. But for us in frugality, we've always been people who lean more towards the action of personal finance versus the ideologies like what's the rightest right ideology is of little importance to us. It's what is going to be actionable. And so we've really come to find that curiosity is truly at the core of a frugal mindset. It's being curious enough to find ways to make more money. It's being curious enough to always be looking for ways that you can lower your expenses, not just enough to believe and have these affirmations like looking in the mirror and saying like I attract money, I believe money will come to me, or even believing that wealth is infinite as it is, we also believe that, but it's being curious. You can't control what wealth comes to you ultimately and what things cost. You know, you really cannot control what things cost, or even the jobs and what they pay. You know, those are things you can't control, no matter how much you believe that they're there. You can control how curious you are to pursue all of these things, and once you have a mindset of curiosity, then these other things start to fall into place.
Yeah, I think it is a core component tool to adopting a frugal mindset, but it also is almost the state of being then that is integrated into our personhood, So not just practicing curiosity but also being curious and they kind of go hand in hand and creating a frugal mindset amongst other things. But again, if we're describing frugality in this broader term of being good stewards of all of our time, energy, and resources, then curiosity is going to be a really crucial way of getting to that point. But it's not as if we've arrived. Then it's this ongoing practice and honing of that mindset and continually being curious, which we will talk a little bit more about. But I also just want to describe, and this isn't an exhaustive list, but I do think that a person with a frugal mindset, some of the things that are going to describe them are seeing value in what they already have. So there's definitely gratitude and contentment that becomes integrated and attached within our thought lives. And then the way that we move throughout the world. When we have a value for the things that we've been given, whether tangible or intangible, it's then going to lead to knowing what brings us joy, what depletes us. These things are also going to inform how we engage with the resources around us, what new resources we want to be implementing, how we want to purchase, how we want to spend time. And then from there, the outflow of that is a person who has developed actions and behaviors around spending all of these resources, acquiring and spending these resources wisely and intentionally. So it really is this holistic view of how we exist within our environment, engage in relationships with our finances with ourselves that can be full of contentment, value, gratitude, intentionality, wisdom. I don't mean to get to wooy wooy about it. But I think that when we're talking about this whole personhood frugality, we do see benefits in all aspects of our personhood and that at the core of this a core principle, if you will, and being able to cultivate this mindset is also being able to cultivate curiosity, which we will say more on this, but I think it's a lack of shame and condemnation in how we kind of ask questions and learn more about ourselves just out of this observational curiosity. And I think now that we've described a little bit about what is it, how are we defining a frugal mindset? It's worthwhile to explore that all sounds great, but what keeps us from that? And I think that there are a lot of barriers that can happen. First and foremost just previously established patterns of relating and this can be for better or worse. And we're talking about patterns of relating with ourselves or with other people, with the world around us. How we are accustomed to engaging in relationships, engaging with our environment, our own self talk, which can be very much connected to our own understanding of ourselves and I will say one of the things that is a core component to the background and education that I've received in the mental health field is that each individual is an expert on themselves. We are all experts on ourselves. I can't ultimately tell you what is best for you at the same time, and that is true, But at the same time, that's not to the exclusion of the fact that sometimes we are inaccurate in our views on self, or views on others, or recollection of facts, the ways that our memories are sorted in our brains. Not that oh we're no longer the experts and don't take our words for it, but it's worth doing some of that deeper diving digging into is my view on self entirely accurate? Sometimes we need to pull in other perspectives. Is my way of relating to those around me the most healthy and beneficial ways. Sometimes we do things because maybe they've worked for us in the past, and that's all well and good, but is it still working Or this is just what I do because it did work at some point, but now it's not fitting the actual need. But I'm not even thinking about it. It's just happening second nature that when xyz happens, this is what I do, and so it's worth slowing ourselves down and identifying what's working what's not. But again that's going to be curiosity that helps us to discover that. I also wanted to go through a couple of these, and genuine I can kind of go back and forth on ones that stand out to us. There's a ton, so we can't go through all of them. It'll be in the book, but there's this whole list that you could even google it if you want the entire list of something we term in the mental health field limiting beliefs, and so there are these terms for ways and patterns of thinking and believing which our responses come out of that are not usually helpful to us. But yet we all have a collection of these. Sometimes we lean more into some than others. But for instance, over generalization can be one example of a limiting the belief. And this is, as its title would indicate, combining all of this information into one umbrella of oh, well, anytime there's clouds out it's going to downpour, I'd be like an overgeneral realization of what weather is like. And it's like, well, no, sometimes it's just cloudy and sometimes it rains and there are no clouds. Go figure. But we can sometimes overgeneralize, which can be a limiting belief for us. Any other stand out to you, Jen.
Yeah, I mean I can see overgeneralizing in personal finance, just being like everybody has student loans, everybody has debt, nobody is able to buy a house anymore. We say those things all the time, and while it is true house prices are insane, cost of living is rising at an insane rate, we have to stop ourselves from saying everyone because it is more difficult, it is harder, But I think honestly that's more motivation to do it because of such like a heavy decline in the middle class. Granted, there's a lot more people coming out of poverty and low income statistically that percentage is much lower than it has been in the past, but the middle class is still that American dream is still eroding, and so I think it's that much more of a priority that we work toward it. So another thing that I see on this list that I hear a lot is disqualifying the positive, and so that is when you have an experience of trying to pay off your credit card debt or trying to save money, and you go day to day and life happens, but we tend to stick to remembering the bad things that have happened and all of the positive things that are happen. We can either forget or generalize a way, and we do this with our own accomplishments too. We really remember our failures and everything that we are good at. We can either say like, oh, anybody can do that, or we can simply forget how much more gifted you are than other people in your accomplishments. And so we do this, I think, with ourselves first and then we do it with our finances. So something in getting curious I always now think about that Jonathan VanNess podcast when I say that, But when you're getting curious with yourself, you can start to see these patterns where you say, these overgeneralizing things, and these places where you might disqualify the positive. And it's not going to fix it immediately, but it does help you once you realize that they are there, to notice them more so that you can fight against them so that you can be a better resource of your money by pursuing home ownership. If that's what you want, you can be a better steward of your time by pursuing the things that can make you more money or can get you ahead financially, even though you can't be successful at them one hundred percent of the time.
I think sometimes that particular limiting belief can keep us from gratitude as well. When we're disqualifying the positive, then we're all just by proxy, we're probably looking at the negative, or we're not paying attention to what is around us, and even speaking of just tangible things in our environment, sometimes that's what can lead to impulse spending or throwing stuff away that could have been put to good use or given to somebody else. We can kind of see the tentacles going out of some of these limiting belief systems that can keep us from having a frugal mindset that benefits us. Another example of some limiting beliefs are magnification or minimization. Either one is a limiting belief, where magnification is often exaggerating and imperfection or an error. We can certainly get stuck here when it comes to our debt payoff efforts. Of I chose this debt, it's high interest will never be gone, and we're magnifying that issue, and off in times it can be such a halt to us in being able to then implement steps and practices that will help us experience something different when we are kind of taking literally like a magnifying glass to the thing and blowing it out of proportion than making it feel as though it's insurmountable. And on the flip side, sometimes minimization belittling achievement or strengths, but minimization can also happen where we even belittle a problem. I see this a lot of times, especially in our friends who are of a more advanced generation, who might feel as though they should have made decisions earlier in life to help their finances and so now it's oh well, I didn't say for retirement, but oh well, or feeling as though there's going to be no possible way to be able to see a difference in their financial situation, and so it's just minimizing it. Where we would say there's plenty of time no matter what age you are. Maybe not plenty of time, but there's opportunity to be able to see a difference in the financial landscape with even small steps taken. So these are examples of some of these limiting beliefs. Again, there's a more exhaustive list that you can look up and then eventually buy our book in twenty twenty five to learn more about it. But these are ways that we can experience barriers to adopting a mindset that's actually going to help us provide the space needed to experience different patterns of relating. Ones where we are valuing our resources, we're understanding ourselves, we're able to make positive choices for our financial situation, but also all aspects of who we are.
The last one on this list I just want to touch on because it's one that I am personally guilty of all the time is all or nothing. I am a very like I used to say that was just my personality. I have a very all or nothing personality, and now I see that it's a limiting belief that that is not a personality trait, that's something that holds me back. So having this all or nothing mentality I see all the time is people are either all in getting their money right or all out all in paying off debt or all out spending money. And just the list goes on all out saving for retirement at people in the fire movement all in or nothing, not saving anything. This is common to all of us, this all or nothing mentality. Some people are more prone to it than others, but it is just another callback to the radical middle is we tend to as people want to live in extremes. We want to be extreme people. If you really get down to it and you're like, what is my dream there's going to be a lot of elements of extremism in there. So like extreme vacationing, like extreme cars, maybe extremely so. In my mind, an extreme vacation is just like being able to vacation where I want, whenever I want. It's not like skydiving or extremely cowless adventure. Yeah right, I need to, Like Rea, I need to reevaluate my use of extreme, but or having a brand new car and a four thousand square foot house and all of these things. When you think about, like what's my dream life, there is going to be some kind of element of something extreme. Usually it's just what we're prone to. But really taking time to sit back and figure out what is my enough? Like what's enough for me so that I don't feel deprived? But I feel like I'm flourishing honestly, like not just I have everything but that I need, but I have more than what I need. I practice this with my four year old. I say he loves cherry tomatoes as a snack, and I'm like, how many cherry tomatoes do you want as a snack? Like what's enough? I don't say that, but I'm just like, how many do you want? And He'll be like, oh, I want a lot? And I know what is a lot for me, but I don't know what is a lot for him? Are a lots are different? Are enoughs are different? And so I'm like, how many is a lot? And he's like seven, and I'm like, okay, man, I'm going to give you a lot of cherry tomatoes. And he is so excited because he has defined his enough and I have given that to him, not a tomato short.
What a good mom.
We should do that to ourselves so we don't trick ourselves into living into these all or nothing extremes that we tend to put ourselves in a small tangent off of that. But you get it.
What an adorable example because you were helping him practice curiosity, not assuming you knew what he meant, and helping him to understand himself, what does this mean for you? What's a lot for you? And then he was able to answer that out of curiosity. There wasn't judgment there. Now, whatever we might decide, we might not always be able to do that. Maybe you know what, if there were only five cherry tomatoes, Okay, well then we're gonna have to adjust. We're going to go too far in this tangent of cherry.
In that case, he doesn't get the choice, He just gets that cherry shoes.
But that curiosity bit, so that gets us into the steps we can take to be cultivating a frugal mindset. Similar to all of our other steps, they're a little lucy goosey. There are definitely some sub steps, and maybe in five years we'll add more steps to it, but this is what we got for now. It is going to begin with curiosity. And when I describe curios I mean being observant, like you would a scientist looking at a new species that you want to understand. You know nothing about them, and you have no judgments for them. You simply want to know how do they do, what they do? How are they moving through the world. This is really hard to do for ourselves, but It's why I'm belaboring this concept because so often we consolidate information so quickly. Because for a lot of us, there's decades of life lived and you can synthesize. It's part of the beautiful things of our brains. But we want to slow down that synthesization process. Synthesize, synthesis. Yeah, I'm making up words now. This is what happens when we go row on original thought. In order to do that process well in a way that's going to help us understand ourselves better and maybe even discover that, oh, that pattern's not helping me. We've got to slow it down and act as if we almost don't know, so before we jump to conclusions, before we should and must on ourselves just be curious, look at it as if you don't know the outcome or consequence. You truly want to just know more about yourself, the world around you, and discover Some of this is going to begin with being curious about your own limiting beliefs. So looking at that list of possible limiting beliefs and identifying, oh, this might feel congruent for me. Yes, I do this a lot, particularly as it relates to our finances. Because that's what we're here to talk about mostly is personal finance. How do you look at, or approach or understand money? What are some of the things that you constantly and consistently run into when it comes to financial decisions, financial being behaviors. Again, we're not jumping to conclusions yet, we're not shaming ourselves. We're just being curious. And something that is very important in this initial process as we're seeking to learn more about ourselves is avoiding why questions. No shade on why why can be really awesome.
Yeah, that's the first place my head went, too, So this is as much for me as it is you.
But when it comes to being curious with ourselves and even others like loved ones too, this is actually a really helpful way of learning how to communicate with loved ones. Avoiding why questions as much as possible because they automatically put us on the defense. For instance, like hear how these two things sound. If I were to ask you why do you shop for clothes so much? Versus what is it about clothes shopping that you most enjoy? I am asking the same thing right like, at its core, I want to know about these clothes shopping behaviors, but asking the why can make it feel like, what do you mean? Is it a problem? And automatically I want to defend myself. I'm not in a position of learning or engaging in a really beautiful degree of curiosity. I'm just on the defense. I feel like I'm being put down and I've got to put up a wall. Versus the curiosity bit of as utilizing what how when questions to get deeper into what's happening for us here. This is going to be the appropriate version of curiosity that we're talking about, where we can ask ourselves. Okay, let's say it is clothes shopping that every weekend I'm going clothes shopping. I'm realizing I'm spending a lot of money on this. I've got a ton of clothes I don't wear in my closet. It's not something I want to be doing. We can often jump to that why am I doing this so much? Oh, I've got such a problem. I just got to stop, versus slow down, create space. Ask yourself, what is it about clothes shopping that I enjoy? When do I find myself going to the store, What is it about this particular version of shopping, What does it do for me? How do I feel when I'm in this process? How do I feel afterwards? All of these questions can help open us up to discovery without the shame and without the shoulds and understand so that we're not there yet, but the steps are going to lead to being able to actually make behavioral changes while still meeting our core need. Because it could be that I feel stressed and this is something that I can relax doing. I actually don't care that much about the clothes, but I like wandering around and looking at pretty things. This could be. This may not be everybody. Then a walk in nature, being in beautiful scenery with a friend could still meet that core need of getting out of your environment, seeing and touching beautiful. And it doesn't have to include spending money, just as an example, but that's where curiosity begins of what's happening here for me? Avoiding those why questions?
Yeah, I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I experienced this after I had my son Kai four years ago, and I was going to target a lot and I was going to fast food drive throughs a lot, and I wanted to put myself down, like like why am I doing this. I've I mean, yes, I just had a baby, but like, why this? Like not everybody does this? So like why why me? Which was kind of like a degrading like thought, like yeah, not everybody does this, why am I doing it? But when I thought, Okay, what is the catalyst for me getting in the car and going to Target? What is the catalyst for me getting in the car and going to these drive throughs, That's when I learned the important things about what I wanted that helped me find alternative ways of meeting the needs. I wasn't depriving myself, Like ultimately, I wanted to get out of the house and it was one hundred degrees outside, so I'm not going to go for a walk outside, Like that's what all of the people are like, don't go shopping, go for a walk outside. I was like, have you been to Florida in July?
No? Not happening.
Yeah, not happening. So wanting to get out with the baby so he will sleep in the car seat and Target has the best walking journey inside. So when I figured that out, I was able to identify the reasoning. So I would still go to Target because I knew why I was going, But then I wasn't as tempted to buy anything because I knew why I was there, Like, I wasn't there to shop. You go to Target, you think you're there to shop, You buy things. At least that's what it was for me. But when I I realized why I was really going there, it was much more freeing for me to actually say, Okay, this is a free place for me to walk in air conditioning and nothing more. So maybe I'll get something that some people can handle the grocery shopping list. Yeah, that's why I said, some people can handle that, some people can't. So then maybe you live in a place that's not one hundred degrees outside and you go for a walk, find your path, find your truth, get curious about it though.
Yeah, So then from there you're going to allow this curiosity, this creating space, this slowing down, these asking questions to lead you to a place of making observations. And honestly, you may be in the space of simply asking questions and noticing for a good while, could be a couple of weeks before you can start to synthesize that information and create observations on a few different data points. To go back to my scientific method example, where now we can begin to collect some of these observations and begin assessing what does this all mean? What are these patterns revealing about what you value? Are you seeing anything within these questions and answers about what brings you joy or what depletes you, or what you need what you don't need. As you ask these questions based on having been curious about yourself for a time, you're going to start to know more. There's just no way that you can't be asking these questions and not learning more about who you are, what makes you tick, how you engage in the world around you. And then will come the implementation process. But this can even be journaled, and I would encourage that to be writing these things down. Your answers to each of these questions of your what, how, when? And what is this revealing about me? What observations can I make? How can and I now, in a much more slower pace, synthesize this information? What have I now discovered about who I am? Through this process?
Yeah, then comes respond and repeat. So this is the action part where we can bring our engagement with our resources into alignment with our growing understanding of ourself. So this is where we kind of combine the curiosity with these values of frugality, so being good stewards of our time, energy, money, relationships, and physical space. Where we can take this mindset of curiosity and think, Okay, how does this relate to my time? If I'm feeling overworked all the time, where can I cut Not that oh I can't do a side hustle because I just don't have any more time, But having that mindset of curiosity, be like, Okay, maybe I don't have any extra time, is there anywhere I can make more time taking something out of my schedule for a season so that I could do something else to make money. None of your decisions have to be long term. None of them are going to be permanent, but they don't have to be long term. So just being really intentional with when you're being curious to know that there are no parameters. As part of getting curious, like there's no rules besides don't ask the why questions. That's the only rule though, So getting curious about yourself so that you can explore do I feel short on time? Why do I feel drained of energy all the time? Where is all my money going? Where are my relationships? Why is all this clutter here?
Oh?
God, I use the y say for what purpose is all of the clutter?
But it does shift the question a bit, why is all this clutter here?
Versus?
But purpose can lead us to so much more kindness and graciousness for ourselves because it flips it from shaming, like it's almost implying this clutter shouldn't be here versus, Oh, we're leading a full life and we haven't had time to organize this stuff. Such a different trajectory it can put us on I think that you've given a great example, Jen of what the response looks like already, where you practice curiosity of what is it that's leading me to go to target so often to recognize, Oh, it's not to get things, it's to walk around in air conditioning. I can still do that without needing to spend. And that's then an action. That's the implementation on that piece. And the repeat portion of this is just the reality that we're never done with being curious and this should be the replacement of the why questions of shaming, of the jumping to conclusions anytime we feel a discomfort or a shoulding on ourselves I shouldn't do that, I should do this. That could be the cue to say, oh, let me get curious though there might be more to discover about myself. That's going to lead to a beneficial action that is more positive for me than the shaming that's going to happen. It's not going to be as effective of a long term motivator to just shame ourselves constantly feeling like we're never measuring up versus looking at the core of what's going on and being able to make long term, long lasting changes because we understand more about ourselves.
I wonder if that should be a shirt jill like don't shit on yourself.
I'm sure it already exists. I know I didn't come up with that phrase, but it is good and we should should.
And should we should find it, should wear it.
And this all leads to the benefits. The benefits of curiosity Benny's We've talked about it already, but I will highlight here that we're going to experience it in all aspects of our personhood. As we get curious with ourselves, it's going to reach every part of who we are financially, relationally, with our time, physical space, mental, emotional you name it, mostly because it's a complete reframe of learning more about who we are in a way that's going to allow us to shift our actions, behaviors, and thoughts in a helpful way for ourselves as we continue to grow and learn. It's going to help us in relating to ourselves, relating to others, our actions with finances, how we spend our time, how we spend our relational cur and see emotional bandwidth. These are the benefits of adopting a mindset that is helpful for us rather than one that is mostly driven by guilt and shame.
Yeah, I think just to recap what is a frugal mindset, how to adopt a frugal mindset is that let's not throw away the concept of growth mindset. I think that's really a foundation here, is to when you have a growth mindset, then you stop believing the limiting mindsets, the limiting beliefs, when you believe that those are false and that you can essentially kind of be more than what you thought you could. I think kind of that's what growth mindset boils down to. But I think curiosity is a step beyond that in thinking like, how do I become more than I thought I could, and who do I want to become? A right direction like, yes, I can be more than I was, and who is that? Moving away from why do I think that I can't be more than I thought i'd be? Or like you can't even use why in a forward facing like why do I want to be more?
Maybe?
Maybe getting away from that? So yeah, replacing a few of those growth mindset practices to be more curiosity focused and then focusing those in on these frugal core beliefs of good stewardship.
Yes, and as we do this, we're going to have more value for each of these things. It's it's a slowing down. There's so many ways that this intersects with other good things we've talked about and other people out there who are bringing you wisdom are talking about of intentionality and slowing down and mindfulness and gratitude and contentment. It's all going to happen. As we engage in this practice of curiosity, we're going to create just higher values for the things that we already have, which is ultimately going to benefit all aspects of our personhood and certainly lead to this frugal mindset of being good stewards and valuing what we have. And you know what is a good steward thing that we do in every single episode because we value it so much.
It is an intentional use of our time, and I think time that we steward.
Well, the bill of the week.
That's right, it's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is Williams. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage, maybe your card died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. TUFT bills, but flow bills. Bill Clinton, this is the bill of the week.
Hey, Jenna Jill, my name is Eve and I'm out in Washington State. I love your show. I've been listening to it for the last few years and I picked up on so many tips related to frugality and sustainability. So thank you so much for putting out shows that are related to low waist living and frugality as well. I just listened to your podcast a few weeks ago about low waist living and sustainability for Earth Month this year, it was inspired to sumit my Bill of the week. It was really hard to choose between two, so I wanted to share two really bruth fly. The first one is once a year, I purchase a zero waste box from a company called Terra Cycle, and I put all of our basically anything that we can't recycle into this box and ship it back to them and they remake it into like garden materials or playground supplies.
So awesome.
It's so great, especially like for like twist ties and like stickers on your produce, and I find that we use it for like a lot of kitchen like packaging waste or just packaging waste in general. And then the second one is a four days bag. Every six months or so, I paid twenty dollars and I get a four days bag and put all of our worn clothing and textiles and things that have basically gotten so scrappy that we can't donate them, and send it back to this company and they essentially break down the fibers of the clothing and the textiles and turn it into new materials. And so that has been Like both of those things are some of my favorite bills of the year, just because they help us on our low waist and sustainability and zero waste lifestyle. Anyway, thanks so much. I look forward to hearing your future podcast. Keep up the good work.
Yes, Eve, thank you for calling all the way from Washington State, the other side of the country from us. But what a beautiful thing you're doing, and what helpful tips you're giving to us and our listeners for what we can do when we can't seem to find a place to throw out or cycle or give our things to from Like you're describing the twist ties the stickers. Sometimes certain things can be recycled or even donated, but you just still end up with this collection. So it's really beautiful to find these companies who are finding ways to still reuse and repurpose those items. And then your other tip about clothing. I do always feel bad. I don't want to donate something that another person can't actually use, but then there's only so many rags that I need around my house. So that's another helpful tip. The four Days bag that you can send clothing to and they recycle the fibers. So well done, Eve, We're so thrilled about this and the low Waiste journey that you are on.
Yes, and I know you didn't mention it, but four Days does cost twenty dollars for that take back bag, but then you get twenty dollars to spend on their website, so you are not losing anything. Really, you're helping the environment and then also able to purchase price made from those recycled fibers. So four days is really great and we are not paid to say that, but we will take their money if they would have it.
So if you all are listening, you've got multiple bills, that's fine, we won't limit you. You want to tell us about them, you are on a low waiste journey, or there's just something completely else you want to talk about, like what it's like growing up with the name Bill. That's fine too. Visit Frugal friendspodcast dot com slash Bill. We want to know about it. Now it's time for.
Well pew pew, All right, in today's vulnerability round, what's a limiting belief you have held and how have you interrupted this pattern of thinking?
M this is vulnerable Bill, you go first. I can always tell when you've written something it is so elegant, an elegant writing style, or I'm just like throwing up on the page.
It's all good, it's all good. It'll make for a beautiful whiplash of a book for people twenty five.
Thankfully there's one editor. There's two writers, two writing styles, one editor, and she's got to work cut out for her.
It'll help us in the audio book to know who's going to read what. Yes, okay. For me, it's catastrophizing. I need to blow everything out of proportion to the point of it being a catastrophe for me to feel like I and others around me are understanding the true brevity of something. And I'm working on it. I am a work in progress. I can't say I've arrived yet. I do have a recent example of this, somewhat recent. You've all already heard me talk about my tax bill, my unexpected tax bill, and when this came in the mail, I no, not in the mail. The moment we sat down with our accountant, that's right, that's what happened, and he told us how much we owed. When I expected to not owe anything, and in fact, was even hopeful for like a tax refund is that they call it. I've never gotten one before tax return, tax return, that's what they call it. That wasn't gonna happen for us. Instead, we owed a significant amount of money, and I immediately went to catastrophe in my head, not even joking to the point where I thought, if we have a medical emergency, we will be bankrupt, because between what we now all on this, there's no way we could have any sort of medical complications. We'd lose our house. In my mind, we were on the brink of needing to move and live in a vehicle again, which actually wouldn't be half bad. I did enjoy that lifestyle. But and this is going to sound really really nutty, but here it is vulnerability. I enforced a little rule for Eric and I that we could not ride our scooters for an entire month, maybe even longer, until we replenished some of the money back into our account that we had to pay this tax bill out of, because in my mind, if we get into an accident on our scooters, it's going to financially ruin us. Now, not saying that it was the worst response to this, but it was catastrophic like that, to say we can't ride our scooters around town because we got a big tax bill is a little bit, it's a little bit out of balance. But it's how nutty I I went. It's how catastrophic I went in my head. Now. Thankfully that didn't last me long because the second part of this question is how are you how are you interrupting that? And I will say that I talked to some trusted friends, Jen you were one of them, to Eric, who helped to kind of talk me down off the ledge, And for me, really it was that action portion of coming up with a plan of Okay, here's the problem, here's how we're going to solve it, and honestly engaging in gratitude there. It really took some work and effort for me, but to recognize and be grateful for the fact that we have the money, we did not have to borrow the money we had prepared in the past for an unexpected thing. I was upset that I didn't see this coming. That felt a little bit shameful for me, but I was able to kind of through talking with friends, recognize why I wasn't expecting it, be kind to myself, exercise gratitud to then come up with a plan of what are we going to do? And thankfully I feel like I'm on the other side of this with the ability to warn other people make sure that I never find myself in that situation again. Adding extra withholdings to our taxes. It was an uncomfortable situation. But yeah, I go to catastrophe, but I bring in other people to help bring tension to my mindset and that that helps me.
What about you, I feel like when things like that, like that tax bill was out of your control, you didn't see it coming, so you kind of reverted to controlling something you could control, which was the scooters. Like that's what you could do to control, to have control in a situation where you could not control. Yeah, so yeah, I mean it's very normal. I mean we all everybody.
Has their scooter some version of a scooter.
Yeah, everybody's Yeah, but.
Even with a helmet, there's no scooter riding around here.
It's not wrong to have the scooter. But if you stop there and don't seek the wisdom and council of others, other third parties outside of the catastrophe, then it can become unhealthy. But like you rode that out very quickly. I mean honestly, you weren't. I mean at least I didn't see you in catastrophe mode for very long.
Well, we also didn't go out to eat.
We stayed indoors, kind of were planning on doing that before.
It's true that bill came. I know that wasn't the bill. I know, yeah, what about you?
So mine is very much scarcity. I just want to have all the money. I just want to have all the money, like lots of money, and then not worry about it, right, Is that?
Yeah?
Is that special?
I mean I want to retire. Is that the same thing? Yeah?
So I think I look at my finances and I see we have more money in our accounts than many other people. But I also compare myself to other people in the personal finance space that have way more money than me, and so I just so because of the people I surround myself, I feel like I don't have enough. And so that is kind of like my limiting belief, and it's something I'm kind of pulling myself out of and kind of trying to connect back to reality, the reality of numbers. So, like personal finances is personal first, but there are numbers too. These personal choices have to be rooted and anchored by numbers. So that's kind of what is pulling me out of this like fe feeling of despair that we can't afford anything when really we can.
Well, I think that that's a little bit of aiming at the radical middle where you might be so surrounding yourself by such an extreme who loved to post on Instagram about how much their net worth is at twenty eight years old. But then to recognize that that is one extreme and to bring tension to it with the realities of what life is like for the rest of the world. Not to say, oh, just be complacent then, but to aim at then gratitude and identifying but what do I need? What's enough for me? Hopefully it's seven cherry tomatoes?
Yeah, right, what is my enough? And that's something I've really been reflecting on in order to overcome that feeling of scarcity, And it stems from my husband just took a new job that pays less so that you give a better schedule. I should have prefaced with that, but that is kind of what I've been going through.
Mind was, well, we're here for you. It takes a community to recognize our own limiting beliefs, to gain perspective on it, to move towards contentment and ultimately a frugal mindset that is going to help us in the long term. Thanks everyone for listening. We're so glad that you were here for this one our original thought as we make up words and terms and lucy goosey steps. Many of you know we have a newsletter called the Friend Letter that goes out three times a week where we send out freebies, savings tips, and life hacks all that will help you save money. And we want to give a shout out to a friend for this sweet email. They said, thanks for reminding me about my values based spending plan. I was just coming down from a shopping high getting three pairs of active wear pants at seventy five dollars a pair, two total. I had reached that point where the stomach drops away and your email arrived. I was able to pull from the emotion and see the facts. I have a values based budget and spending plan which contains a line item for refreshing active wear twice a year spring in autumn, and the purchase was less than my budget had provided. Only then could I bask in the joy of getting a good deal without the guilt of spending. Tina, that is a beautiful example, because sometimes it doesn't mean saying no to buying, just making sure that it aligns with your values and your plan.
Mm hm and girl, Tina, I can tell you buying Lulu and those will last you five to six years. Yeah, so good on you. Well, don Tina, Tina, let me know if you are buying Lulu.
I guess that right. Thanks for listening everyone, And if you want some of these freebies, savings tips, values based spending hacks like Tina's getting in her email that's helping get her permission to spend some money. Or if you need the inspo to not spend the money, or you just want to know when's the free ice cream, head to fruglefriendspodcast dot com slash friend letter to get the goodies. And if you already get the friend letter, you're not done. Start sharing it with your friends to get more of those free goodies, because we're sending you our own very own merch that some of you got to vote on, so you know you're gonna want it, and then that'll get shipped to your door.
And then get those people you refer to refer more people, and then you will not get any more free goodies after that. Because this is not an MLM.
There is no upline or downline, no upline. See you next time, Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Siriani. You're not gonna be able to cover your mortgage with this.
You're gonna have so many sweatshirts from your down line that you are going to be able to sell them and retire your spouse. You're gonna be able to retire your spouse with sweatshirts. I don't see what the problem.
If only that were true. You can retire your spouse with your frugal mindset, that's for sure. Yeah, retire yourself with your own frugal mindset. That's the journey I'm on. I just want a sweatshirt to keep me warm while I'm doing it.
Same, same,